уOf course.ф Ryerson spoke hesitantly. Sverdlov recognized the tone, it was trying to be warm. Ryerson was over his fit of temper.
Well, Iтm not!
уThere isnтt anything to be done about that except to try it and see, is there?ф went on the Earthling.
уAnd if we still get significant deflection, drag on our suits and crawl back hereўmaybe a dozen times? No!ф
уWhy, that was how we did it before.ф
уIтm getting awfully hungry,ф said Sverdlov. Suddenly it flared out of him. уIтm sick of it! Iтm sick of being cooped up in my own stink, and yours, Iтm sick of the same stupid faces and the same stupid remarks, yes, the same stars even! Iтve had enough! Get on back inside. Iтll stay here and watch under acceleration. If anything goes wrong, Iтll be right on the spot to fix it.ф
уButўф
Nakamuraтs voice crackled above the mutter of stars. уWhat are you thinking of, Engineer Sverdlov? Two gravities would
pull you off the ship! And weтre not maneuverable enough to rescue you.ф
уThis life line is tested for two thousand kilos,ф said the Krasnan. уItтs standard procedure to make direct high-acceleration checks on the blast.ф
уBy automatic instruments.ф
уWhich we havenтt got. Do you know the system is fully adjusted? Are you so sure there isnтt some small cumulative effect, so the thing will quit on you one day when you need it the most?ф
Maclarenтs tone joined in, dry and somehow remote: уThis is a curious time to think about that.ф
уI am the engineer,ф said Sverdlov stiffly. уRead the shipтs articles again.ф
уWell,ф said Nakamura. уWell, butўф
уIt would save time,ф said Ryerson. уMaybe even a few daysт worth of time, if the coils really are badly maladjusted.ф
уThanks, Dave,ф said Sverdlov clumsily.
уWell,ф said Nakamura, уyou have the authority, of course. But I ask you againўф
уAll I ask of you is two gravitiesт worth of oof for a few seconds,ф interrupted Sverdlov. уWhen Iтm satisfied this ring will function properly, so we wonтt have to be forever making stops like this, Iтll come inside.ф
He hooked his legs about the framework and began resetting the instruments clamped onto it. уGet on back, Dave,ф he said.
уWhy . . . I thought I wouldўф
уNo need to.ф
уBut there is! You canтt read every dial simultaneously, and if thereтs work to be done youтll need help.ф
уIтll call you if I want you. Give me your tool belt.ф Sverdlov took it from reluctant hands and buckled it around himself. уThere is a certain amount of hazard involved, Dave. If I should be unlucky, youтre the closest approximation to an engineer the ship will have. She canтt spare both of us.ф
уBut why take any risk at all?ф
уBecause Iтm sick of being here! Because Iтve got to fight back at that black coal or start howling! Now get inside!ф
AS he watched the other blocky shape depart him, Sverdlov thought: I am actually not being very rational, am I now? But who could expect it, a~ hundred lig)it-years from the sun?
As he made ready, he puzzled over what had driven him. There was the need to wrestle something tangible; and surely to balance on this skeleton of metal, under twice his normal weight, was a challenge. Beyond that, less important really, was the logic of it: the reasons he had given were sound enough as far as they went, and you could starve to death while proceeding at the pace of caution.
And below it all, he thought, was a dark wish he did not understand. Li-Tsung of Krasna would have told him to live at all costs, sacrifice all the others, to save himself for his planet and the Fellowship. But there were limits. You didnтt have to accept Daveтs Calvinismўthough its unmerciful God seemed very near this dead starўto swallow the truth that some things were more important than survival. Than even the survival of a cause.
Maybe Iтm trying to find out what those things are, he thought confusedly.
He crawled уupф till his feet were braced on a cross-member, with the terminal accelerator ring by his right ankle but the electroprober dial conveniently near his faceplate. His right hand gripped a vernier wrench, his left drew taut the life line. уStand by for blast,ф he said into his radio. уBuild up to two gees over a one-minute period, then hold it till I say cut.ф
Nothing happened for a while except the crawling of the constellations as gyros brought the ship around. Good boy, Seiichi! Heтd get some escape distance out of even a test blast. уStand by,ф it said in Sverdlovтs earphones. And his weight came back to him, until he felt an exultant straining in the muscles of shoulder and arm and leg and belly; until his heart thudded loud enough to drown out the thin crackling talk of the stars.
The hull was above him now, a giant sphere upheld on twin derricks. Down the middle of each derrick guttered a ghostly blue light, and sparks writhed and fountained at junction points. The constellations shone chill through the electric discharge.
Inefficient, thought Sverdlov. The result of reconstruction without adequate instruments. But itтs pretty. Like festival fireworks. He remembered a pyrotechnic display once, when he was small. His mother had taken him. They sat on a hired catamaran and watched wonder explode softly above the lake.
уUh,ф grunted Sverdlov. He narrowed his eyes to peer at the detector dial. There certainly was a significant deflection yet, when whole grams of matter were being thrown out every second. It didnтt heat up the ring very much, maybe not enough to notice; but negatrons plowed through terrene electron shells, into terrene nuclei, and atoms were destroyed. Presently there would be crystal deformation, fatigue, ultimate failure. He reported his findings and added with a sense of earned boasting: уI was right. This had to be done.ф
уI shall halt blast, then. Stand by.ф
Weightlessness came back. Sverdlov reached out delicately with his wrench, nipped a coil nut, and loosened the bolt. He shifted the coil itself backward. уIтll have this fixed in a minute. There! Now give me three gees for about thirty seconds, just to make sure.ф
уThree? Are you certain youўф
уI am. Fire!ф
It came to Sverdlov that this was another way a man might serve his planet: just by being the right kind of man. Maybe a better way than planning the extinction of people who happened to live somewhere else. Oh, come off it, he told himself, next thing youтll be teaching a Humane League kindergarten.
The force on him climbed, and his muscles rejoiced in it. At three gees there was no deflection against the ring .
or was there? He peered closer. His right hand, weighted by the tool it still bore, slipped from the member on which it had been leaning. Sverdlov was thrown off balance. He flung both arms wide, instinctively trying not to fall. His right went between the field coils and into the negatron stream.
Fire sprouted.
Nakamura cut the drive. Sverdlov hung free, staring by starlight at his arm. The blast had sliced it across as cleanly as an industrial torch. Blood and water vapor rushed out and froze in a small cloud, pale among the nebulae.
There was no pain. Not yet. But his eardrums popped as
pressure fell. уEngine room!ф he snapped. A part of him stood aside and marveled at his own mind. What a survival machine, when the need came! уEmergency! Drop total accelerator voltage to one thousand. Give me about ten amps down the tube. Quick!ф
He felt no weight, such a blast didnтt exert enough push on the hull to move it appreciably. He thrust his arm back into the ion stream. Pain did come now, but in his head, as the eardrums ruptured. One minute more and he would have the bends. The gas of antiprotons roared without noise around the stump of his wrist. Steel melted. Sverdlov prodded with a hacksaw gripped in his left hand, trying to seal the spacesuit arm shut.
He seemed far away from everything. Night ate at his brain. He asked himself once in wonderment: уWas I planning to do this to other men?ф
When he thought the sleeve was sealed, he withdrew it. уCut blast,ф he whispered. уCome and get me.ф His airtanks fed him oxygen, pressure climbed again inside the suit. It was good to float at the end of a life line, breathing. Until he began to strangle on his own blood. Then he gave up and accepted the gift of darkness.
