"HOMES" - читать интересную книгу автора (Barry Dave)

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Contents


Introduction: Why It Was Probably a Mistake to Buy This Book...............vii
Chapter 1: Getting Ready to Get Real Depressed...............................3
Chapter 2: How to Pretend to Look Knowledgeably at Houses...................16
Chapter 3: How to Get Very Deeply into Debt.................................28
Chapter 4: Moving: A Common Mistake.........................................42
Chapter 5: Making New Enemies...............................................64
Chapter 6: It's Noon: Do You Know Where Your Contractor Is?.................78
Chapter 7: Redecorating for Under 650,000 Dollars...........................88
Chapter 8: Good Housekeeping, or Learning to Live with Filth................98
Chapter 9: Practical Home Weapons Systems..................................110
Chapter 10: A Lawn Is a Terrible Thing to Waste............................119
Chapter 11: Getting Some Fool to Buy Your House............................131
Index......................................................................145


INTRODUCTION
Why It Was Probably a Mistake to Buy This Book


The desire to own a home of one's own has been a part of human nature
ever since that fateful moment, millions of years ago, when our earliest
ancestors climbed down out of their trees and moved into their very first
caves. It was a major moment in history, and its glory was dimmed only
slightly by the fact that their furniture did not arrive for another 250,000
years.

Yes, moving into a new home is one of life's great adventures, constantly
posing new and exciting challenges.

For example, just recently my wife, son, and I moved to Florida, and the
first thing I noticed was that there were crabs living under our house. There
were two main ones, named Bob and Steve, who had established holes on either
side of our front door, which they were always working on. I'd come out in
the morning to get the paper, and there would be Bob and Steve, waving their
claws at me as if to say in cheerful crab language: "Hi, Mr. Barry! We're
digging holes under your house, and unless you do something, the entire
structure will eventually fall into the canal!"

What I ultimately decided to do about the crabs was the same thing I
ultimately do about virtually all homeowner-type problems, namely--and you