"AmbroseBierce-TheParenticideClub" - читать интересную книгу автора (Bierce Ambrose)

Court of Objections and Technicalities you would get a ruling in your
favor. But not in a Court of Acquittal. The objection is overruled."

"I except," said the district attorney.

"You cannot do that," the judge said. "I must remind you that in
order to take an exception you must first get this case transferred
for a time to the Court of Exceptions on a formal motion duly
supported by affidavits. A motion to that effect by your predecessor
in office was denied by me during the first year of this trial. Mr.
Clerk, swear the prisoner."

The customary oath having been administered, I made the following
statement, which impressed the judge with so strong a sense of the
comparative triviality of the offense for which I was on trial that he
made no further search for mitigating circumstances, but simply
instructed the jury to acquit, and I left the court, without a stain
upon my reputation:

"I was born in 1856 in Kalamakee, Mich., of honest and reputable
parents, one of whom Heaven has mercifully spared to comfort me in my
later years. In 1867 the family came to California and settled near
Nigger Head, where my father opened a road agency and prospered beyond
the dreams of avarice. He was a reticent, saturnine man then, though
his increasing years have now somewhat relaxed the austerity of his
disposition, and I believe that nothing but his memory of the sad
event for which I am now on trial prevents him from manifesting a
genuine hilarity.

"Four years after we had set up the road agency an itinerant preacher
came along, and having no other way to pay for the night's lodging
that we gave him, favored us with an exhortation of such power that,
praise God, we were all converted to religion. My father at once sent
for his brother, the Hon. William Ridley of Stockton, and on his
arrival turned over the agency to him, charging him nothing for the
franchise nor plant--the latter consisting of a Winchester rifle, a
sawed-off shotgun, and an assortment of masks made out of flour sacks.
The family then moved to Ghost Rock and opened a dance house. It was
called 'The Saints' Rest Hurdy-Gurdy,' and the proceedings each night
began with prayer. It was there that my now sainted mother, by her
grace in the dance, acquired the _sobriquet_ of 'The Bucking Walrus.'

"In the fall of '75 I had occasion to visit Coyote, on the road to
Mahala, and took the stage at Ghost Rock. There were four other
passengers. About three miles beyond Nigger Head, persons whom I
identified as my Uncle William and his two sons held up the stage.
Finding nothing in the express box, they went through the passengers.
I acted a most honorable part in the affair, placing myself in line
with the others, holding up my hands and permitting myself to be
deprived of forty dollars and a gold watch. From my behavior no one