"Bradbury, Ray - The Illustrated Man" - читать интересную книгу автора (Bradbury Ray)

УYes, itТs better!Ф

УHow!Ф

УBecause I got my thoughts, I remember!Ф cried Lespere, far away, indignant, holding his memories to his chest with both hands.

And he was right. With a feeling of cold water rusting through his head and body, Hollis knew he was right. There were differences between memories and dreams. He had only dreams of things he had wanted to do, while Lespere had memories of things done and accomplished. And this knowledge began to pull Hollis apart, with a slow, quivering precision.

УWhat good does it do you?Ф he cried to Lespere. УNow? When a thingТs over itТs not good any more. YouТre no better off than me."

УIТm resting easy,Ф said Lespere. УIТve had my turn. IТm not getting mean at the end, like you.Ф

УMean?Ф Hollis turned the word on his tongue. He had never been mean, as long as he could remember, in his life. He had never dared to be mean. He must have saved it all of these years for such a time as this. УMean.Ф He rolled the word into the back of his mind. He felt tears start into his eyes and roll down his face. Someone must have heard his gasping voice.

УTake it easy, Hollis.Ф

It was, of course, ridiculous. Only a minute before he had been giving advice to others, to Stimson; he had felt a braveness which he had thought to be the genuine thing, and now he knew that it had been nothing but shock and the objectivity possible in shock. Now he was trying to pack a lifetime of suppressed emotion into an interval of minutes.

УI know how you feel, Hollis,Ф said Lespere, now twenty thousand miles away, his voice fading. УI donТt take it personally.Ф

But arenТt we equal? he wondered. Lespere and I? Here, now? If a thingТs over, itТs done, and what good is it? You die anyway. But he knew he was rationalizing, for it was like trying to tell the difference between a live man and a corpse. There was a spark in one, and not in the otherЧan aura, a mysterious element.

So it was with Lespere and himself; Lespere had lived a good full life, and it made him a different man now, and he, Hollis, had been as good as dead for many years. They came to death by separate paths and, in all likelihood, if there were kinds of death, their kinds would be as different as night from day. The quality of death, like that of life, must be of an infinite variety, and if one has already died once, then what was there to look for in dying for good and all, as he was now?

It was a second later that he discovered his right foot was cut sheer away. It almost made him laugh. The air was gone from his suit again. He bent quickly, and there was blood, and the meteor had taken flesh and suit away to the ankle. Oh, death in space was most humorous. It cut you away, piece by piece, like a black and invisible butcher. He tightened the valve at the knee, his head whirling into pain, fighting to remain aware, and with the valve tightened, the blood retained, the air kept he straightened up and went on falling, falling, for that was all there was left to do.

УHollis?"

Hollis nodded sleepily, tired of waiting for death.

УThis is Applegate again,Ф said the voice.

УYes.Ф

УIТve had time to think. I listened to you. This isnТt good. It makes us bad. This is a bad way to die. It brings all the bile out. You listening, Hollis?Ф

УYes.Ф

УI lied. A minute ago. I lied. I didnТt blackball you. I donТt know why I said that. Guess I wanted to hurt you. You seemed the one to hurt. WeТve always fought. Guess IТm getting old fast and repenting fast. I guess listening to you be mean made me ashamed. Whatever the reason, I want you to know I was an idiot too. ThereТs not an ounce of truth in what I said. To hell with you.Ф

Hollis felt his heart begin to work again. It seemed as if it hadnТt worked for five minutes, but now all of his limbs began to take color and warmth. The shock was over, and the successive shocks of anger and terror and loneliness were passing. He felt like a man emerging from a cold shower in the morning, ready for breakfast and a new day.

УThanks, Applegate.Ф

УDonТt mention it. Up your nose, you bastardФ

УHey,Ф said Stone.

УWhat?Ф Hollis called across space; for Stone, of all of them, was a good friend.