"Brian, Amanda - Womb For Rent" - читать интересную книгу автора (Brian Amanda)

Derek put his arms around an imaginary figure and bounced it up and down. "Then she kept telling me over and over, `Ja, I am strong, I make Arnold-type babies. No sissy weaklings.' Would you believe she started to take off her clothes right then and there in the living room? After I told her this was only an interview, she left, riding off on a ten speed bicycle."
Talli shook her head, unable to hide a smile. "They couldn't all be that bad?"
Derek grinned. "Oh no, well how about Lady Number Two. Tiffany, the model. She walked like a panther on the prowl. Have to admit, she had a body that would stop a train."
"She was fat?" Talli silently prayed the woman was as big as a barn.
Derek paused, a wicked gleam in his eye. "Not an ounce of fat anywhere. She was drop-dead gorgeous."
"So, what was the problem?" Talli hated the woman, sight unseen.
"Other than the fact that she was so busy preening in the fireplace mirror?" Derek placed a hand on his hip, and strutted his way across the kitchen, imitating Tiffany's walk. "Let's see, she's a vegetarian, doesn't even eat seafood and won't wear furs. She didn't realize she would actually have to get pregnant. Thought she could just wear a pillow under her clothes for nine months." He sashayed his way back across the room.
"Then what?" Talli croaked out between laughs.
"Ah yes, on to today's interviews. The infamous Betty Bender, meter maid. Did you know it takes something like thirty six million, two hundred and some seconds to have a baby? That equals nine months. Time is money, you know. When I walked into the room, she was shoveling cookies into her mouth as if it was her last meal. I thought for sure I would end up as dessert."
"You got to be kidding." Talli held her sides, tears of mirth rolling down her face. "Stop, no more."
"Can't stop yet, there's still one left to go." Derek dropped back down into the chair. "Last but not least, we had Gail, the bartender."
"A bartender? You interviewed a bartender? Gee, your standards are lower than I thought."
"Ha ha. I walked into the living room to find her making herself quite at home with a pitcher of martinis. Told me to plop my feet and cop a seat."
Talli listened, fascinated with the tales Derek was telling her.
"Told me she could be the oven for my `bun', belched continuously, then said she was saving for her own bar, was going to call it the Slurp & Burp. Original, huh?"
"Definitely," Talli laughingly acknowledged.
"If that's not enough, she started to tell me dirty jokes. Actually, I had already heard them before, but still." Derek paused, his eyes meeting Talli's. "They were definitely all one watermelon short of a picnic, that's for sure."
"You're making this up."
"I am not," Derek protested.
She shook her head, her giggles filling the silence of the room.
All at once, Derek realized, it did seem funny. Everything that had happened since yesterday replayed itself like a bad "B" movie through his head. Within minutes, he too was laughing as hard as Talli.
Derek reached across the table and stole one of Talli's cookies.
The simple movement pulled on one of the muscles Helga's show of strength had obviously bruised.
"Ouch!" he exclaimed, unable to stifle his reaction to the unexpected pain.
"Is something wrong?" Talli asked, her voice whisper-soft with genuine concern.
"It's just a pinched nerve--or bruised muscle. Obviously, I'm not as strong as my would-be surrogate, Helga. Ja!" Slowly, he rotated his shoulders and stretched his neck. "So, Talli, what do you suggest I do?"
"First, relax." Talli stood up and moved to stand behind him. Her fingers kneaded his shoulders, a slow steady stroking against his knotted muscles. "Lean forward and rest your head on your arms." She continued rubbing her palms across his shoulders, her fingers searching for and finding his tense spots.
"That feels so good," he mumbled.
"Why didn't you have your lawyer screen them first? He could have weeded out the loonies for you at least."
"Nope. I said I wanted to see all the applicants myself. I would do the screening, not Anthony."
"Anthony?"
"Anthony Baretti, my lawyer." He groaned, as Talli's fingers worked their magic on his sore shoulders.
"There, that should do it." She walked around the table and sat down, reaching for another peanut butter cookie. She closed her eyes and savored the taste. "Mmm."
Derek watched the emotions flicker across her face as she enjoyed the cookie. He found himself fascinated as she slowly chewed, then swallowed. His throat constricted at the expression of pure joy on her face. All over a cookie. What was wrong with him? He was panting after her like one of his own dogs.
Talli opened her eyes and caught him staring.
"What, is it all over my face or something?" She swiped at her chin with the back of her hand, suddenly conscious of her actions.
"No, it was nothing. Sorry."
"So, let me get this straight. You're going to keep interviewing until you find someone who fits the part?"
"Yup." Derek nodded, reaching for his iced tea.
"No offense, but are you nuts or what? Do you know what kind of riffraff is out there looking to take advantage of a guy like you?"
"Excuse me? Riffraff? So, I take it you have a better idea." Derek countered her statement with one of his own.
"As a matter of fact I do. I want to apply. Besides, you need me," Talli stated confidently.
"I do?"
"Yes."
"No, absolutely not. I can't, it wouldn't be right."
"Why? What do they have that I don't have?"
His gaze roved over her body, taking in the faded football jersey and well-worn leggings. "Other than strong babies, incessant preening, the ability to count high numbers in a single bound and an award winning belch? Not much, I guess."
"I'm serious." Talli banged her hand down on the table.
"You're my employee. You already have a position here. You're my pet sitter, for god's sake." He bit back a groan as she leaned closer, the football jersey riding dangerously low on one shoulder.
"So, isn't that what they would be as well? Your employee. Besides, it's perfect. You know me, Maimie and Joseph know me, even the dogs already know me. You wouldn't have to get used to someone new."