"Brooks, Terry - Knight of the Word 02 - A Knight of the Word 1.0" - читать интересную книгу автора (Brooks Terry)

Nest wondered suddenly if he ever thought about Josie Jackson. Early on, not long after he left, Josie had asked Nest if she had heard from him; from the way she asked, Nest had known that there had been something between them. But that was a long time ago. He probably didn't think of Jasie at all these days. Maybe sloe had stopped thinking about him, too. `What happened at San Sobel must have been awful' she said.
It was, but it's over: He looked up as the waitress reappeared with their iced teas. When she left again, he took a careful sip of his, and then said, 'Why did the Lady send you to find me, Nest?'
Nest shook her head doubtfully. `To talk with you. To tell you something you probably already know. I'm not sure' She looked away from him, out over the water. `The truth is, I came because I don't want to hear later that something bad has happened to you and find myself wishing I'd tried to prevent it'
He grinned cautiously. 'What is it you think might happen?'
She sighed. `Let me start at the beginning, all right? Let me tell it my way, maybe work up to the part about what might happen. I'm not really sure about any of this myself. Maybe you can fill in the gaps for me. Maybe you can even persuade me I came here for no better reason than to see you again. That would be all right.'
She told him then about Ariel's appearance in the park two days earlier, the tatterdemalionis purpose in coming as a messenger, and the Lady's request that Nest come to Seattle to find him in the hope he might heed her warning that his life was in peril.
Nest paused. `So I gather you've already been told that you're in same kind of danger.'
He seemed to consider the statement, to weigh it in a way she didn't understand. Then he nodded. I've been told. I don't know that any warning is necessary.'
She shrugged. I don't know that it is, either. But here I am, delivering the message anyway. I guess you don't have any concerns about it, huh?'
He smiled unexpectedly. `Nest, let me tell you what happened at San Sobel!
And he did so, retelling the story from his perspective, recounting it carefully and thoroughly, obviously trying to make her understand how terrible it was for him, to help her see why he had been unable to continue as a Knight of the Word. She listened attentively, for he kept his voice low and his words shielded from the people eating around them, pausing once when he came to the aftermath of the killings to gather his thoughts so that he could relate clearly what the experience had done to his psyche, pausing a second time when the bowls of clam chowder arrived and the waitress was standing over them.
At the conclusion of his tale, he told her something he had never been able to tell anyone. He told her how dose to suicide he had been when he realized the fault might be his. He had managed to get past that, but only by determining he could never revisit that place in his mind, could never again put himself in a position where he might have to hold himself responsible for people dying.
Nest let him finish, then shook her head doubtfully. 'If you do nothing, people die anyway, John. What would have happened to me if you hadn't come to Hopewell? 'I don't know that you can say any of it is your fault'
`It feels like it is. That's enough.' He looked down at the soup cooling before him. He hadn't eaten a bite. `I don't mean to argue with you on this, but you can't know what it's like if you're not me. You don't have to live with the dreams. You don't have to live with the responsibility for what happens if they come true' He shook his head. `It's a special kind of hell'
`I know' she said. `I wouldn't even try to put myself in your shoes. I wouldn't presume'
She finished her soup. All the bad feelings she had experienced at Fresh Start had evaporated. and she found herself hungrier than expected.
'I drifted afterward, looking for something to do, some place to be, a reason for being alive' Ross began to eat a little. `Then I found Stef, and everything changed. She gave me back what I had lost at San Sobel. Or maybe last even before that. She made me feel good about something again. So here we are, working at Fresh Start with the Wizard of Oz, and doing something important. I don't want to go back to what I was. Let's face it; I can't go back. How could I? It would change everything.'
He shrugged. 'I don't know what to tell you about being in danger, Nest. I don't feel as if I'm in any danger. I'm not part of that life anymore. I don't have any connection to what I was or did. I don't even dream anymore-or hardly ever, anyway. It's all in the past'
The fish and chips arrived, and they paused while the waitress set down their plates, asked if there was anything else she could get them, and walked away. Nest picked up a piece of deep-fried halibut and bit into it. `Mmmmnm, this is wonderful,' she said.
`Told you: He picked up a piece of his own fish and began eating.
Ariel said the Lady thinks the Void will try to subvert you, whether or not you think you're still involved in its battle with the Word' Nest studied his face. `She says you can't stop being a Knight of the Word. She says you can't quit unless the Ward allows it'
He nodded soberly. 'I've heard it all before. I don't thank T believe it. What have I been doing for the past year if she's right? Haven't I quit, if I haven't served: What else do I have to do? 'Write a letter of resignation? I don't dream, I don't use the magic, I don't go out looking for demons. I'm done with all of it'
`She says you can't ever be done with it' Nest paused, moving a French fry around in a paper cup filled with ketchup. 'Here's the part that bothers me-the reason I came looking for you, I guess. She says you've had a dream, and the events of the dream will take place on Halloween. She says your involvement with the dream will place you in danger of becoming ensnared by the Void.'
She watched his reaction closely. He said nothing, but she could tell at once that he knew what she was talking about, that in fact there had been a dream, and that in some way he was a part of it.
`The Lady told Ariel something else, John. She told her she will never let that happen, she will never allow a Knight of the Word to be subverted. She has sent someone to prevent it'
A flicker of recognition crossed his lean face.
`The way you were sent to me maybe, five years ago' she finished quietly.
For an instant she thought he would tell her everything. She could see in his eyes that he wanted to, that a part of him was looking for a way. But he stayed silent. She watched him a moment longer, then went back to eating. The voices around them filled the sudden silence.
`She told you all this?' His anger was faced with irony. `When I went back to Wales and the Fairy Glen to ask her to release me from my duty, she wouldn't even speak to me'
Nest said nothing, didn't even look up at him, continuing to eat.
`All the times I waited for her to come to me, to tell roe what I had to d4, to help me . . .' He trailed off, staring fixedly at her. `Nothing is going to happen; he said finally.
She nodded. `But you know about the dream, don't you?'
`It's only a dream. It won't happen. It can't happen, because I won't let it"
She straightened and locked her eves on his. 'You taught me about being strong, John. I learned that from you in Hopewell. But I learned about caution, as well. You don't seem cautious enough to me- You think you can't be hurt, no matter what, unless you do something to invite it.. But I don't think that's how life works:
`I think I can control what I do.' he snapped. `That's all I'm saying:
She shook her head. `What if Stefanies life is threatened, and you have to choose between doing what the Void wants air letting her die? What will you do? If you lave her as much as you say, what will you do? l don't think you can just shrug this off. Pushing back his lunch, he shook his head emphatically. `I'm
not shrugging anything off. I'm not taking this lightly. But there's
no reason for the Void to try to subvert me. I'm worthless. I have
nothing left to give. I gave up everything already:
She looked at him. `Did you?' She looked over very deliberately at the black staff, resting against the window ledge beside him.
`It doesn't work; he insisted quietly, but she could tell from
the way he said it that he was hedging.
`What if the Lady has sent someone to kill you, just to be
sure you don't switch sides?' She flushed. Are we going to pretend
that what happened five years ago couldn't happen again today?
That war between the Word and the Void is still going on, and the
creatures that fight in it still exist. There are still feeders out there,
multiplying in the wake of the bad things that happen. Humans
are still working hard at destroying themselves. Nothing has
changed, John. You act as if it has. The fact that your life is different doesn't mean the world is. And it doesn't mean your connection to it has stopped having significance. Some things you can't walk away from. Wasn't that the lesson you taught me?'