"Burstein, Michael A - Absent Friends" - читать интересную книгу автора (Burstein Michael A)
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| Absent Friends |
Michael A. Burstein
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"Absent Friends" first appeared in the September 1998 issue. |
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He hated jackets and ties as well, but had felt obliged to wear a suit to this late Monday afternoon appointment. Every few seconds, he would notice his hands fidgeting at his visitor’s badge, and he would pull at his tight collar in an effort to make himself less nervous and more comfortable. It didn’t work.
Most of all, he hated waiting. A secretary had let him into the project director’s office, but fifteen minutes had passed since then, the afternoon was slowly approaching evening, and still the project director had not arrived.
Finally, the door opened, and Dr. Anita Zahn walked in. Jack felt glad now for the formal way he had dressed. Zahn was a small woman, with short black hair, and she wore a red suitjacket. "Sorry to keep you waiting, Mr. Levinson. We had a problem with the Gate."
Jack stood as Dr. Zahn walked around him, then resumed his seat when she sat down behind her desk. "It’s OK," he replied. "I hope the Gate’s fine."
She regarded him with pursed lips for a moment, then said, "The Gate is operating normally. Now what can I do for you?"
Her businesslike manner put Jack on his guard. "Dr. Zahn, do you know who I am?"
She nodded. "You don’t get to be the head of the Gate project without being briefed on its history, Mr. Levinson. You were the local math teacher from Waxahachie High School present at the formation of the first Einstein-Rosen bridge, a few years ago."
"Two years ago," Jack corrected her. "And there’s more to the story than that."
"I know. The death of your friend. Tragic."
Tragic. Was that the sum total of Daniel’s life and death? One word? Tragic? Jack thought back to that October afternoon, when Daniel and he did what they did every Sunday: bicycle around the ring of the old, abandoned Superconducting Supercollider. Well, it certainly wasn’t abandoned anymore. The explosion in the ring that had killed his friend led the scientists to discover another universe, one in which the SSC was operating and leaking antimatter into this universe. Suddenly, the two different SSC experiments had become hotbeds of activity, in both particle physics and the attempt to build stable Gates to other universes. Particle physics had made great strides, but to date, no other universes had been found.
And it had all started because of the death of Jack’s best friend, Daniel Strock.
"Doctor," Jack said slowly, "it’s because of my friend that I wanted to see you."
She nodded. "Please continue. I don’t have all day." Her brusqueness was in great contrast to the politeness Jack had experienced from the other scientists two years ago.
Well, if she could be direct, so could he. "I need to use the Gate."
"You need to use the Gate," she replied evenly.
"Yes."
"Because of your friend."
"Yes."
She sighed. "Mr. Levinson–"
"Jack, please."
"Jack." She smiled momentarily, then frowned. "I’m afraid that’s impossible."
He shook his head. "Hear me out."
"But–"
"Just listen, please." He looked her right in the eyes. After a second, she closed her eyes and nodded.
Jack took a deep breath, then spoke. "Dr. Zahn, how old do you think I am?"
Zahn seemed surprised by this question, but answered, "I don’t know. Thirty?"
"Close. I’m twenty-seven. And in all that time, I’ve only had one good friend in all the world. And that was Daniel."
Jack stood up and paced. "We had a unique friendship. We grew up together in New York, but never liked the feel of a big city. We went off to two different small town colleges and drifted apart, but kept in constant touch by phone and e-mail. We both loved and studied math, and when we had a chance to end up teaching together here in Waxahachie, we took it."
Jack stopped pacing. "We really enjoyed a lot of the same outdoor activities, like hiking, or–or bicycling. And two years ago, when I saw Daniel die in that explosion–for a while there, I didn’t want to go on."
He sat down again and leaned forward. "But one thing kept me going. The scientists working on the project apparently had doubles in the other universe. I remember, when they invited me to be present at the time of first contact, that the SSC director here and there looked exactly the same. And I thought that maybe, just maybe, my friend Daniel was still alive. In the other universe."
He rubbed his eyes and sighed. "I want your permission to go into the other universe, to look for him. I want to see my friend again. I need to see him."
His appeal finished, Jack leaned back, and looked directly at Zahn.
She sighed and put on a noncommittal expression. "Look, just because you were there from the beginning doesn’t mean you have any proprietary rights over the Gate. It’s not like we’re running a travel agency here, or even an import-export business." She put her hands together and asked, "How much physics do you know?"
Jack shrugged. "A little. I took it in college. But I’m mostly a math person."
"Well, let me explain it to you in a way you can understand." Her tone didn’t sound like she meant to be patronizing, but to Jack’s ears, her phrasing was just as bad. Wryly, he thought that she could use a lesson or two on how to teach.
She continued. "First of all, we’re still not even sure how the bridge between the universes formed. Yes, we know that the extremely high energies of the beam broke through the barriers between the universes, but we’ve barely even begun to understand the physics behind it. There are so many questions we still need to answer, and the most important one is why we ended up linked with this particular universe."
"Universe Beta," Jack said.
Zahn nodded. "I see you’ve been keeping up with the news. We’ve never had to name our universe before, so Alpha and Beta became the official designations. Over there, they call them One and Two." She smiled. "We’re Two, of course."
"Of course," Jack murmured.
"Like I said, we’ve barely begun to understand the physics behind the situation. But we do understand a few things. Apparently, this phenomenon is also based upon the many-worlds interpretation of quantum mechanics, developed by Hugh Everett at Princeton in the 1950s. Every time a decision is made, the Universe splits into many different universes, and in each one the decision is different. For example, today I ate cereal for breakfast, but in some other universe perhaps I ate eggs."
Jack nodded. "I do watch Star Trek," he said.
Zahn winced; apparently, that was the wrong thing to say. "Anyway," she continued, "if Everett’s theory is correct, then already we have the question of why we’re in touch only with this particular universe, and no other. After all, if there are presumably billions of SSCs running beams in all these multiple universes, then why haven’t they all leaked into ours?"
Jack tried to salvage his part of the conversation. "Perhaps Universe Beta resonates with ours on some fundamental level."
Zahn’s eyes widened. "That is the hypothesis we’ve been working on, yes. But we don’t know what the connection is, and there’s another problem to keep in mind."
She looked Jack straight in the eyes. "Everett’s theory does not allow for actual travel or contact between the universes."
Jack was puzzled. "But we are in contact. If anyone knows that, I do."
Zahn nodded. "That’s exactly the problem. We don’t completely understand why this is happening. But what we do know is that when we send matter through the Gate, it affects the resonances between the universes, effectively pushing them apart. The rate of the separation seems to be proportional to the mass sent through. In other words–"
Jack interrupted. "In other words, if you send too much stuff through the Gate, you’ll push the other universe away."
Zahn nodded. "About the only thing that we can trade safely back and forth is information. We do use the Gate on occasion to send small things back and forth to study, but we never send a person across. That simply isn’t possible."
Jack faced the floor, studying his shoes. "Then you’re saying that you won’t help me."
She shook her head sadly. "Not won’t. Can’t." After a moment, her somber face brightened. "There is one thing I could do for you."
Jack looked up hopefully. "What?"
"Well, I could ask the other scientists in Beta to search for your friend. We could bring him to the Gate, and you can meet him then."
Jack shook his head and said, "No, thank you." He didn’t bother telling her that her predecessor, Dr. Pratt, had tried to locate Daniel Strock last year, to no avail. Or at least, he had claimed to an effort. Dr. Zahn was obviously not as well briefed as she thought.
"In that case . . ." Zahn spread her arms out in a gesture of helplessness.
Jack shrugged. "Guess I’ll have to forget about it. Thank you for your time." He stood up to leave.
"Wait," Zahn said, standing up as well. Hesitantly, she put a hand on his shoulder. "Jack, a piece of advice if I may."
He nodded.
"I’m really sorry about your friend, but–but you really ought to put it behind you. Even if you did find him on the other side of the Gate, it probably wouldn’t be the same."
Jack felt a tear in his eye. "I had to try," he said.
He lived in a relatively new apartment building, on the same block with some of the gorgeous old houses for which Waxahachie was known. From what Jack had gathered, long-time residents had made a big stink when the huge building was constructed. But it was one of the few places where a young high school teacher could afford to live.
At the front door, he removed his helmet, took out his keys, let himself in, and walked his bike into the building. He lived on the first floor, making it easy for him to bring his bike in and out of the place.
After getting his mail without looking at it, Jack opened his apartment door and put his helmet and bicycle away in the front closet. He walked into his bedroom, removed his jacket and tie, and changed into sweats and a T-shirt. Then he sat down on the edge of his bed and rubbed his eyes.
A few minutes later he stood up and wandered around his apartment, from the bedroom to the living room and kitchen, and then back to the living room again. Small place, without many furnishings, but that had never mattered before. Daniel and he had usually gone out places together. They had even double dated once, although that didn’t work out. Both Daniel and Jack had felt married to their work, which was usually more than satisfying.
But now Jack wasn’t so sure. He felt discontented with his life. His place, which had always felt cozy before, had most recently taken on an air of loneliness. It pervaded him, making him feel hollow inside.
His grumbling stomach reminded Jack that it was close to dinnertime. He briefly considered cooking an elaborate meal–just the kind he had liked to prepare for him and Daniel. But he couldn’t get up the enthusiasm to do it. Instead, he opened a can of tuna, made a sandwich, and plopped down on the sofa in front of the TV to watch the news.
He couldn’t bring himself to pay attention, so he left the TV on for background noise and sorted through the letters. Junk mail, mostly. People hardly wrote personal letters anymore. But one letter bore the name and return address of Rachel Larsen, an old girlfriend from high school. He opened it and read it with scant attention; it was mostly about Rachel’s new kid and new job, in that order. But then she got into some more personal stuff which caused him to sit up.
". . . you’ve been brooding for two years now, Jack. I know you don’t have any other close friends in Waxahachie. Perhaps it’s time you came back to New York, to your family and other friends. You need people around you, people who know and care about you, and you’re not getting that in Texas.
"Jack, let me finish this letter with one question: would Daniel have wanted you to mope around like this?"
Jack read over the last few paragraphs again and again, trying to assimilate Rachel’s words. Leave Waxahachie? He couldn’t see himself doing it. Perhaps it was a small town, but it had a certain charm to it. If he needed a big city, well, Dallas was but a short drive away. He didn’t need to go back to New York; he just needed his friend Daniel again, impetuous, fun Daniel, who always knew just what to do with life. . . .
Jack drifted off to sleep on the sofa, Rachel’s letter clutched in his hand.
It was in the middle of that last class that the thoughts came unbidden to his mind. He had just turned his back on the apathetic students to write another line of a proof when the ennui overwhelmed him as well. What am I doing here? Do the students really care? Will I be stuck here teaching Pythagorean Theorem over and over for the rest of my life?
He hesitated, his chalk poised above the blackboard. What could he do? He had twenty minutes left to class and no choice but to continue teaching, but his heart wasn’t in it anymore. He gritted his teeth and reminded himself of the few students who did care, the ones who made him enter this profession in the first place.
That got him through the class. By the time the bell rang, Pythagorean Theorem had been proven once again. He sat down at his desk and stared out into space as his students shuffled out of the classroom.
Except for one. Donald Primrose, one of the better students, gathered up his things and hesitated at the door. Once the rest of the class had exited, Donald turned back to Jack. "Mr. Levinson?"
"Yes, Donald?"
"Um–are you all right? You seemed out of it for a while there."
Jack smiled. "I’m fine, Donald. Thanks for asking. Don’t forget the late homework you owe me."
"Um, OK." Donald left, and Jack went back to staring into space. He really ought to get up, he thought. Get up, go home, grade papers . . .
It all seemed so banal, so unimportant.
Jack looked up at his door. If Daniel were still alive, he would come careening in here any second, laughing, joking, suggesting a drive to Dallas or a walk in the park–or something else. Maybe even bungee jumping; Daniel was always more of a daredevil then Jack.
Jack stared at his door for five minutes. It didn’t open.
With a sigh, Jack got up and collected his things. His friend Rachel was right. He couldn’t live like this anymore. Not without Daniel.
As Jack swung his pack around on his back, something fell out–his visitor’s badge from yesterday’s appointment. Jack smiled at the realization that they had never bothered to take it back. The SSC might be a government laboratory, but it was a relaxed one, and security tended to be somewhat lax there. The badge was only good for yesterday, anyway, and Jack picked it up, intent on throwing it out.
He brought it to the trash can and hesitated. He studied the badge. The date was handwritten and not very clear. He could use the badge to get back into the facility today, if he wanted. And that meant . . .
Whistling, Jack stuck the badge in his pocket, and headed home. He had to get a picture of Daniel and make a few phone calls.
The night was cool, a full moon hung high in the sky, and Jack paused for a moment to inhale the clean air. He dismounted and covered the rest of the distance to the building on foot, wheeling his bicycle along with him. The glass door in front was locked, but Jack rang the bell, and in a minute a man came to the door and opened it from inside.
"Jack Levinson?"
"Yes, that’s me."
He opened the door wide and grinned broadly. "Pete Gallagher," he said, and shook Jack’s hand vigorously. "Come in, come in! It’s eight o’clock, you’re right on time!" He practically pulled Jack inside, the bicycle dragging along.
Gallagher was large, taller and broader than Jack, but his size was mostly due to weight, not muscle. He wore a button-down shirt with the collar open, and a badge that identified him as a Technician. "Let’s get right to it–the Gate’s this way." He wheezed as they walked down a white-walled hallway, but kept up a fast pace.
"Sorry to have bothered you," Jack said.
"No problemo! You’re a bit of a celebrity around here, you know that, don’t you?"
Jack stopped in his tracks. "A celebrity?"
Gallagher continued walking, forcing Jack to do the same. "Yeah, well, I mean, as you were the first one to see the universes converge. I’ve always wanted to meet you. That’s why I was so glad when you called this afternoon. So they’ve never let you see the Gate before?"
"No," Jack said, and then did something he hated. He lied. "I’m really grateful to Dr. Zahn for letting me see it tonight."
"Yeah, she’s aces. Not like Dr. Pratt. He kept a tight fist on everything."
Jack didn’t know what to say. He agreed that Pratt had been hard to deal with, but he had offered what help he felt he could. Of course, Zahn had done the same, and if she hadn’t been the current director, it probably would have been much harder for him to convince Gallagher that he had permission to see the Gate.
They stopped at a door. Gallagher took out his passkey, and started to slide it through the electronic lock when he slapped himself on the forehead. "Oh, I forgot! I have to see your badge." He shrugged. "Regulations, you know."
Jack nodded and showed the badge to Gallagher. He quietly breathed a sigh of relief when Gallagher gave it a cursory glance, not even taking it for a closer look.
"OK." He grinned. "I should probably warn you that the Gate is an impressive sight, but you’ve already seen the effect before, haven’t you? Here we go!" He slid his passkey through the lock, and the door opened with a loud click. They entered the room.
Gallagher headed over to a control panel on the nearby wall while Jack took in the sight at the center of the room. The Gate looked nothing like a gate. Jack had been expecting a normal rectangular-shaped doorway, the size of a person, through which the other universe would exist just like another room. Or perhaps it would appear to wobble and ripple, like the other universe did the first time they were truly brought together.
The Gate was something entirely different. It looked as if a sphere of electrically charged air or water hovered in front of them. It sparkled, it crackled with noise. The other side of the room was only visible around it; inside, it appeared to be nothing but a mass of turbulence, a trapped ball of lightning, thunder, and wind.
"Wow," Jack whispered. He could barely hear himself over the noise.
Gallagher grinned at him. "Sorry we can’t turn it off," he shouted. "The scientists are afraid that if we close the connection, we may lose contact permanently. And I’m not just talking about Dr. Zahn. This comes from on high."
"How does it work?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, is it safe to go into that?"
Gallagher laughed. "Scared of all the special effects? Relax; the Gate turbulence can’t harm anything. At least not as long as we’re controlling it from right here. We pass stuff through all the time."
"Really?" That didn’t seem consistent with what Dr. Zahn had told him. Could she have been lying? "Like what?"
"Oh, notebooks, equipment, things like that. Anything that will help us understand the Gate. That’s how we work with the other scientists, in Beta."
"Do–do people ever go through?"
Gallagher fiddled with a few controls before replying. "Very rarely, although all of us techs have been through at least once. It’s like the world’s most thrilling rollercoaster ride." He looked around conspiratorially. "Would you like to go through?"
Could it be this easy? "Really? Do you mean it?"
Gallagher grinned and shook his head. "Nah! I really can’t let you. You understand."
Jack felt deflated. "Sure. Sure, I understand."
Gallagher nodded and turned back to the control panel. In a moment, Jack knew, Gallagher would suggest that Jack leave. After all, his lie only covered the chance to see the Gate, and now that he had, there would be no other excuse for him to stay.
It was now or never. Offering up a quick prayer that he wouldn’t hurt anyone on the other side, Jack lifted his
bicycle and, with all his might, heaved it into the Gate. It hit the boundary of the sphere, crackled, fizzled, warbled, and vanished.
Gallagher reacted to the quick change in the noise from the Gate. He snapped his head around and shouted "What in the–"
Jack had no time. He shouted, "My bicycle got sucked in! I’ll go get it!" and jumped.
If the Gate seemed scary before, what happened next was positively terrifying. Jack remembered the only time he had actually seen a small portion of the two universes come together. The people of the other universe had seemed transparent and insubstantial. Their bodies had appeared to stretch and compress, as if space were a wave moving through them.
Now, that seemed to be happening to Jack himself. It confused him, because he knew that what he had seen before was merely visual, an effect of the two universes merging temporarily. But that was no longer the case. He felt his own body stretch and distort, making him long and thin, then short and fat. It was like being a rubber doll, tossed around by the eddies of the Gate.
He felt like he would vomit, but he had lost the sense of his own body. He became a disembodied consciousness, floating in a sea of white sparks, surrounded by overwhelming noise and bright light. He tried to concentrate, to focus on anything, but there was nothing around him, nothing at all.
Time seemed to stop, and it seemed to go on forever. Space expanded, space contracted. The Universe ended, the Universe was born.
His eyes snapped open into a bright light, which made him blink a few times to clear the sudden tears.
After a moment, he realized he was lying on his back upon a cold concrete floor. The bright light was the Gate, floating above him and to the side, looking exactly the way he remembered it.
He stood up quickly and looked around. The room looked exactly the same, but with two minor differences. Off to one side, his bicycle lay on the floor, apparently undamaged.
And Pete Gallagher was nowhere to be seen.
Jack walked over to his bicycle as quickly as he could, but carefully. He felt slightly dizzy, presumably an aftereffect of jumping through the Gate. He righted the bicycle, walked it over to the door of the room, then stopped short and laughed.
He was heading towards the wall. The door was on the other side, in this version of the room.
He shook his head, turned around, and exited the room. Fortunately, there was no one else around in the hallways. It had been a gamble, but it had paid off. When Jack had called the main number for Building G back home in Universe Alpha, he was counting on the fact that the building would normally be unstaffed at night. Pete Gallagher had been the only one around shortly after 5 PM, and he agreed to let Jack come visit after Jack’s lie about having Zahn’s permission, a lie which couldn’t be checked until tomorrow. Well, the Building G in Universe Beta was also unstaffed at night, which made Jack’s life that much easier. He imagined what it would have been like for him had he emerged into the middle of a normal workday, with technicians everywhere, doing experiments, and he shook off the shudder of how quickly they would have sent him back.
Come to think of it, after that weird passage, he wasn’t sure he ever wanted to go back. It was similar to his fear of flying. He wouldn’t mind being home again; he just didn’t want to have to pass through the Gate to get there.
Jack quickened his pace to the building’s exit. Although he didn’t think that Gallagher would follow after him immediately, the possibility was still there.
He emerged into a clear, cool night, similar to the one he had left behind on the other side. The moon was even full, although it hung slightly higher in the sky, which made sense given how long Jack had been unconscious. Jack inspected his bicycle for damage. It appeared unhurt from its trip through the Gate, so Jack mounted it and headed towards town.
Specifically, he headed towards a motel he knew was located a short ride away from the school. Obviously, Jack couldn’t head "home," as his apartment was probably occupied by someone else in this universe. But he had already acknowledged and prepared for this problem. He would stay at a motel tonight, head over to the school tomorrow, and begin asking around for Daniel.
Less than an hour later, he arrived at the location of the motel, and had a small surprise. The motel looked the same, but it sat on the other side of the street from the one he expected. Jack shrugged. A minor inconvenience, nothing more. He crossed the street, locked his bicycle to an outside post, and entered the motel.
The lobby was a tiny room with two tables and a desk, at which sat the clerk, a young man with nicely combed black hair and a nametag on his red jacket. He looked up as Jack let the door fall shut with the tinkle of a bell.
"Good evening, may I help you?"
"Yes, I’d like to rent a room for–for the next two nights." That should be long enough.
"Certainly, sir." The clerk consulted the computer in front of him and hit a few keys. "And how will you be paying for this?"
"Visa." He handed over his credit card, and the clerk ran it through the computer. After a moment, the computer beeped and he gave Jack a funny look.
"Sorry, it doesn’t seem to be valid," he said, and he handed the card over.
Puzzled, Jack took it and said, "Oh, well, then I’ll just pay cash." He reached into his wallet to take out some bills, and paused with his hand around a twenty.
It suddenly hit him that his credit card didn’t work in this universe; what guarantee did he have that his money looked the same as their money?
Answer: absolutely none. The credit card was one thing, but if the clerk decided that his money was no good, Jack could easily find himself locked up in a jail for the night, trying to explain why he had tried to pass off such obviously fake money as the real stuff.
He stuffed his wallet back into his pocket, mumbled, "Never mind," and rushed back into the cool night.
Where could he go now? As he unlocked his bicycle, he first considered heading to his apartment building. Maybe his keys would work, and the current resident might be out of town, and he could–
No. That was both stupid and dangerous. At the very least, he might get arrested for breaking and entering. At the very worst, another version of himself might live there, and he’d have a hard time explaining his presence.
Perhaps he could check a phone book for Daniel’s name. After all, if he could find Daniel tonight, he could probably introduce himself, sleep over–
No, that wouldn’t work either. Jack knew that Daniel didn’t live in Waxahachie Beta, at least under the name of Daniel Strock, because that was something Dr. Pratt had checked for him. The motel looked like the best bet, and maybe, just maybe, his money would be good here after all. Perhaps the first thing he needed to do was to check his money against local currency–
A sudden dizziness overwhelmed Jack for an instant, and he braced himself against his bicycle. It passed quickly, and Jack blamed the excitement of the night. But still it frightened him, and disrupted his previous train of thought. He now realized that he didn’t want to do much of anything until he found Daniel. Was all this really worth it? Maybe he should just go back to the Gate and his own universe, apologize to Pete Gallagher, and go home.
But then again–Jack took the picture of Daniel out of his wallet, studied it for a minute, and for the umpteenth time read the inscription on the back. "Jack–You have always been, and always will be, my friend–Daniel."
He went to Getzendaner Park, and slept under the stars.
Jack couldn’t quite put his finger on it. The building looked like the one he knew, and the location was correct, but there was something subtle, something just off, about the place. He thought about it as he locked his bicycle to a post and watched the flow of students into the school.
He yawned and stretched once his bicycle was secure, and joined the throngs of people going into the school. Self-consciously, he rubbed the stubble on his chin and hoped no one would take too much notice of his slightly disheveled appearance. Fortunately, the buzz of student conversation dominated the interest of the masses around him, and no one paid him much attention.
There was one obvious place to head towards once Jack was inside, and that was the Mathematics Department. He went to where he expected the office to be, and was relieved to discover that it was in exactly the same location as it was in his own universe. The interior, however, was much different. There were fewer desks against the walls of the small room, and a surfeit of posters on various mathematical subjects. He noticed that his favorite poster, on fractals, was missing.
He walked over to the location of his desk, at the back of the room, and hesitated. What if he ran into his other self here? He chided himself for not thinking ahead. He bent over the desk to see if anything on it or about it looked familiar, when he heard a voice from the doorway behind him.
"Who are you?"
Jack turned around, and was stunned. A woman carrying a briefcase stood in the office doorway, a woman who was the exact image of his old girlfriend Rachel Larsen. She had long, flowing blond hair, hazel eyes, and she stood a little shorter than Jack did. It took Jack a moment to find his voice. "Um–I’m Jack Levinson. I teach Math here."
She raised an eyebrow. "You do? I don’t recall seeing you at any department meetings."
Well, that answered Jack’s question about whether he might run into himself here.
Quickly, he said, "Um, I mean, I used to teach Math here. Once, a–a long time ago."
She closed the distance between them and studied his face. "Couldn’t have been that long ago," she said, and smiled.
"Um–no, it wasn’t. I mean, it was a few years."
She extended her hand. "I’m Paula Eisen. I teach Math here now."
Jack shook her hand carefully, constantly reminding himself that this was not Rachel. "It’s a pleasure to meet you."
"Same here. Now could you tell me what you’re doing here?"
Jack took a deep breath. "I’m looking for my friend Daniel Strock. He–he used to teach Math here with me." He reached into his pocket and passed the photograph over. She studied it for a few seconds, then handed it back with a shake of her head.
"Sorry. I don’t recognize him. But this is only my first year here."
"Um–right." Jack had been about to say that that shouldn’t have mattered, but that would have contradicted the cover story he had just established.
"Would you excuse me, please? You’re standing in front of my desk."
"Oh. Sorry." Jack moved to the side, and a sudden wave of dizziness hit him. The room spun and colored lights danced around Jack’s field of vision. He fell to the floor.
"Hey! You OK?"
Jack recovered almost immediately, but stood up slowly, using her desk chair as a brace. "I’m fine, Ms. Eisen."
"Paula, please." She put her briefcase down on her desk. "It looked like you lost it for a moment there."
"Yeah, well, maybe I did. My apologies. I guess I should go."
Jack turned away from Paula, headed for the door, when she said, "I’m curious about something."
He turned around. "Um. Yes?"
"Don’t you keep track of your friends?"
"It’s kind of a long story." He shrugged.
"Uh-huh. Whatever you say." She paused, then said, "Listen, are you sure you’re going to be all right?"
Jack nodded. "Yeah, I think so. I just need to figure out what to do next."
"What to do next?"
"I mean, to find my friend."
"Oh." She sat down and smiled. "Maybe I can help."
Suddenly Jack felt hope. "Really? How?"
"Well, I’m not sure. But if he did teach here, I suppose I could ask around, see if anyone remembers him. That is what you’re doing, isn’t it?"
"Sort of. But I can do this myself, thanks."
"Do you have permission to be in the building?"
Jack remained silent.
Paula sighed. "I thought not. Listen, why don’t you go home, rest a bit, and I’ll see what I can find out about your friend. Daniel Strock, is that what you said his name is?"
"Yes, that’s right."
"Good. And in turn, you can take me out to dinner tonight."
It took Jack a moment to understand what she had just said. "Dinner?"
"Well, how else were you going to find out what I learned? You can pay me back for my help by telling me all about what the school was like when you taught here. I’m a sucker for local history." She smiled. "Want to pick me up at five?"
"Um, all I have is my bike."
She rolled her eyes. "Fine, I’ll drive. Meet me in front of the school. And don’t worry about your bike; we’ll be able to lug it along."
In a way, though,. that would help remind him that Paula was not Rachel, that this woman had an entirely different lifestyle, and perhaps even a radically different life history. At the very least, he had to remember that she did not share any sort of history with him.
At a few minutes before five o’clock, Jack waited in front of the school, his bicycle standing next to him. The street in front of the school was mostly deserted, which made sense, given that the school day had ended almost two hours ago.
Paula was right on time. She drove up fast in a red pickup truck, came to a screeching halt, and jumped out. No, thought Jack, she was definitely not like the Rachel he knew. Paula seemed much more impulsive, much more of a risk-taker. Why else would she have arranged to go out to dinner with a total stranger?
"Hello," Jack said.
"Greetings. Let’s get your bike into the back." The two of them lifted it into the truck, then got in themselves.
"Where are we going?" Jack asked as they pulled out.
"I figured we’d head to Dallas. There’s an Italian restaurant I like, if you have no objection."
"No, Italian sounds fine."
"Good. Do you mind if I put on the news? There aren’t enough hours in the day to keep up."
"Sure, go ahead."
Paula turned the radio to a news station, and Jack listened intently to get an idea of how different this universe was from his own. To begin with, he didn’t remember this particular station broadcasting news back home, but he didn’t say anything. Oddly enough, the news didn’t sound too out of place. The name of the president was the same, and the international stories seemed logical, as far as Jack could tell. But then they got to local news, and Jack leaned forward.
"Ellis County police are still looking for a man who trespassed onto the Superconducting Supercollider facility late last night and wandered off. Although they report no vandalism or any damage to the collider, police say that the trespasser should be considered dangerous and that if anyone–"
Jack turned the dial, cutting off the announcer in the middle of his sentence. The radio cut into the middle of a country and western song.
"Hey! What’d you do that for?"
"Sorry. I just got into the mood for some music."
"Well, switch it back, please."
Jack took his time doing so, and by the time he got back to the news station, the announcer was on a different story.
Jack spent the rest of the ride silently contemplating his fugitive status.
They arrived at the restaurant ten minutes later. It was one of those that hovered between casual and formal. Red tablecloths, large mirrors and the windows facing the road contrasted with classy finished wood furniture and somber prints hanging on the walls. Paula and Jack were shown to a small corner table upon which sat a lit candle in a glass, superfluous given the bright lighting.
They ordered dinner. Paula requested a simple plate of spaghetti. Jack felt starved and asked for a lasagna, all the time worrying about how they would pay for the food at the end. He hoped Paula had money.
Once the waitress was gone, Paula began the conversation. Jack desperately wanted to hear if she had found out anything about Daniel, but instead she started by quizzing him on the history of the school. She asked questions about people, courses, and the school grounds. Jack did his best to keep up with logical answers, but hesitated over a lot of what he said. Finally, she laughed and said, "You don’t really know much about the school, do you?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, Mr. I-taught-here-before, that your knowledge of Waxahachie High is lame at best. You’ve been answering questions about teachers who never existed, for one thing, and giving me nice complete stories about them. You haven’t recognized the names of people you should have known had you actually taught there." Paula leaned forward. "And, finally, the name of your friend Daniel Strock drew a complete blank as far as the Ellis County school system was concerned. No one by that name ever taught in any of the schools in Waxahachie." She leaned back again. "Just who are you, really? What’s your story?"
Jack took a deep breath. "You wouldn’t believe me if I told you."
"Try me."
Jack looked around. "Well, for starters, I’m not really from here. Sort of. I mean, I am and I’m not."
"Ah. A paradox."
Jack changed tactics. "What do you know about the SSC?"
"The collider? Not much. It brought a lot of money into Waxahachie when they decided to build it, but I wasn’t around then."
"Do you know anything about what happened with the collider two years ago?"
"You mean when they almost closed it? Yeah, the experiment wasn’t working for a while, and then they got it to work again. Why? Do you work there?"
Jack shook his head. "Do the names ‘Universe One’ or ‘Universe Two’ mean anything to you?"
Now Paula shook her head. "No, should they?"
It became clear to Jack that the federal government of Universe Beta must have kept quiet the events of two years past. Well, he thought bitterly, they could get away with it more easily. It wasn’t as if anyone had died in this universe.
At that moment, the waitress came to their table with their dinner. She set the plates down in front of them, and they began eating. Jack dived in, and with the first swallow his hunger intensified. He hadn’t realized that he was so ravenous, but that made sense, given that he hadn’t eaten since yesterday.
Jack swallowed another mouthful, and gave Paula a sheepish grin. "Sorry. You were right; this is a great place."
"Thanks. It’s not too expensive, either, another reason why I like to come here."
Jack paused with his fork in the food. "Um. That’s something else. I may need your help paying for dinner. But I promise to pay you back." Somehow, he added silently.
She rolled her eyes. "Don’t tell me; let me guess. You don’t have any money on you."
"No, I do, it’s just that–well, let me show you." He took out a dollar bill and passed it over to Paula, who glanced at it and gave it back.
"Looks fine to me."
"It does? I mean, could I see one of your dollars?" Back at the motel, after that initial wave of dizziness, Jack had frightened himself so much about the possibility that his money wouldn’t be good here, that he had forgotten to check it out.
She shook her head, but took her wallet out of her purse. "You’re really weird, you know that?" She handed over a bill and Jack compared it to his own.
There were no discernable differences. It was possible that Jack’s money would show up as counterfeit under greater scrutiny, but for routine spending, it would suffice. Too bad he hadn’t known about that last night. He could have slept in comfort, taken a shower, and eaten lunch.
"Looks like my money’s good here after all," he murmured, and handed Paula’s dollar back.
"So you can pay for dinner?"
"Uh, yeah, sure, I guess. I just didn’t expect to be able to."
"Which brings me back to my question. What’s your story?"
Jack stared over Paula’s shoulder. "I’m not from this Earth."
She laughed. "Don’t tell me you’re from outer space!"
"No–no. It’s not like that. I’m–I’m a visitor from Universe Alpha. I mean, Universe Two."
"Ah. And that’s supposed to make it all clear to me, right?"
Jack knew this sounded crazy, but he kept going. "Look, the reason the SSC stopped working was because the beams leaked into another universe, mine. Maybe that didn’t make the news around here, but it definitely made the news in my Waxahachie. There was an explosion. It killed my friend Daniel, and . . ."
"And now you’ve come here to see if you can find another version of him."
"Right."
She smiled. "Thanks for trying. Want to play again?"
"You asked. I’m serious."
"Are you? That’s one of the silliest stories I ever heard."
"It’s true. And I really could use your help." He thought a moment, then let out a sudden burst of laughter. "I just realized–this is ‘The Search for Strock!’"
"Huh?"
"We’re even eating in an Italian restaurant, me and the native. Oh, no, wait, that was the next movie."
"Jack, what are you talking about?"
"It’s a pun. You know, on The Search for Spock?"
"Spock? You mean Dr. Benjamin Spock, the pediatrician?"
"No, I mean Spock, Kirk’s first
officer."
"Huh?"
"On TV. Haven’t you ever seen Star Trek?"
Paula shrugged. "Never heard of it."
Another divergence between universes. Jack really had to stop making these assumptions. But wait a minute–
"Paula, I just mentioned a TV show to you that apparently doesn’t exist here. Now do you believe me?"
She ate a little more food before answering. "You could be making that stuff up, just to make your story more believable. I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to come up with something better than that."
Suddenly, Jack felt the same wave of dizziness he had felt that morning. He doubled over, his arms gripping his body tight.
"Jack? Jack! What’s happening?"
The universe faded away around him. He was in quiet darkness for an indeterminate time.
Suddenly, he was back in the restaurant, sitting across from Paula. He felt weak.
"Jack! Are you OK? You–you flickered out for a moment there."
He nodded and looked around. A few of the other diners were staring in his direction. "We’d better get out of here," he whispered.
"You got that right." Paula left money for their dinners and helped Jack to his feet. As they headed towards the exit, she said, "Oh, Jack."
"Hm?"
"I think I believe you now."
Paula opened the door and turned on the lights, revealing a living room a little more cluttered than Jack’s own. "Have a seat," she said, pointing him towards a blue sofa. "I have to go to the bathroom. Be back in a minute."
Jack chose to wander around the room instead. Whenever he visited a friend, he always felt drawn to see what books were on the shelves, and the same urge existed even here. Paula kept her bookcase next to her television set, and Jack noticed that videotapes and CDs crammed for space among the books. Her tastes were eclectic. She had a lot of mathematics books, of course, but there were also quite a few popularizations of science, and a whole shelf devoted to comparative religion. No books on economics, though, which seemed odd, given Rachel’s interests back home. Paula’s fiction tastes also diverged from Rachel’s. Rachel liked romances; Paula’s novels ranged from mysteries to fantasy, and Jack noticed a preponderance of titles by authors with the names of Ardai and Pierce. Idly, Jack wondered how many of these titles were unique to this universe. He picked up a science fiction novel titled Infonaut and began paging through it. It didn’t look like anything he remembered from back home, and he suppressed an impulse to steal the book.
Paula emerged from the bathroom while Jack still had the book in his hand. She had changed into shorts and a T-shirt. "Can I get you anything?"
"No thanks," he said, returning the book to the shelf. "Interesting collection you have here."
"Thanks." She walked over to the TV and turned it on, but kept the sound low. "News," she said, as she sat down on one end of the sofa. She grabbed a pillow and pulled her legs up. "I hope you don’t mind."
"Not at all." Jack said. He settled himself comfortably onto the other side of the sofa. They remained silent for a few seconds. The flickering of the television screen and its low droning dominated the room.
Finally, Paula spoke. "So. Feeling
better?"
"Yeah. Thanks."
"Good. Now, Jack. You must have extreme loyalty towards your friend to come to another universe to find him!"
He chuckled. "I guess so."
"Want to tell me the full story? I think I’m ready for it now."
Jack nodded, and in a few minutes, it seemed, he had told her his whole life story. When he finished, she wrung her hands for a few seconds and stared at the television. Then she turned back to look at him.
"Don’t you realize how illogical this is?"
Jack squirmed. "Well, sort of."
She rolled her eyes. "‘Sort of,’ the man says. Jack, I’m sure you’ve thought of this already, but I think you need to hear this again. Brace yourself.
"If Daniel Strock does exist in this universe, he’s not your Daniel Strock."
Jack looked away from her. "I knew that."
"Oh, did you? What were you planning to do? Introduce yourself as the long-lost best friend he never had?"
"Well, I–"
"And have you considered the possibility that he doesn’t exist here at all?"
"What are you talking about?"
"You yourself said that there were
different scientists working at the two different laboratories. How do you know that a version of your friend exists here?"
Jack shouted. "He must exist here! You exist here!"
"So?"
"Listen, Rachel–"
"Rachel?"
He felt his face flush. "I mean, Paula."
She raised an eyebrow. "Who the hell is Rachel?"
"Rachel is–was–I mean–Rachel’s an old girlfriend of mine. Married now."
Jack swallowed. Paula sat silent for a moment. Then she jumped up and threw the pillow at him, hard.
"Was this a ploy–" she yelled.
"No!" Jack replied. "I swear! I didn’t even know you were here! If I had been looking for you, I would’ve brought a picture of you, not Daniel!"
That seemed to calm her down. She sat down again, but faced away from Jack and towards the television. Suddenly she seemed surprised. She leaned forward, grabbed the remote control, and turned up the volume.
Jack looked towards the television. There was a picture of him to the upper right of the news anchor. The anchor was saying, "–still looking for Jack Levinson, who trespassed onto the SSC facility today. Levinson should be considered dangerous, and if you see him, do not approach him yourself. Instead, police are requesting that anyone with information call them at the number on your screen."
The anchor went on to another story, and Paula muted the sound.
"You’re hot, aren’t you?" she asked softly.
Jack nodded. "It’s what I told you. Dr. Zahn said that they couldn’t send too much mass through the Gate, or else–"
Another sudden spell of dizziness overcame Jack and the world turned dark and quiet. When the world came back, Jack saw Paula running around the room frantically.
"Are you all right?" she asked him after she spotted him. She sat down next to him and put her hands on his shoulders.
Jack nodded; this time, he felt weak and his throat felt dry. "I could use some water," he croaked.
Paula nodded and brought him a glass from the kitchen, which he drained eagerly. "What happened?" he asked.
"You were gone for a full minute. For a moment there, I thought–" She stopped.
"Yes?"
"Nothing. I’m glad you’re OK."
"Thanks."
Paula sat down again. "All right, Jack. Look at this optimistically. Let’s suppose Daniel did exist here and was willing to be your friend. How were you going to stay in touch? What were you planning to do? Live here indefinitely? When you keep vanishing like that?"
"I–I don’t know. I guess I hadn’t given it much thought."
She laughed; her eyes sparkled. "Ain’t that the truth." After a moment, her face took on a more somber expression. "You know what you have to do, Jack." She tilted her head towards the television, reminding Jack of the news report. "Tomorrow, you have to call the lab and tell them where you are. Otherwise . . ."
He nodded. "Otherwise, I might disappear completely."
"Yeah. And–and I wouldn’t want that to happen."
They were silent for a moment, then Jack said, "Let’s talk about something else."
"OK."
They talked about books, about childhood, about current events. They delighted in both the similarities and the differences between their two universes. The night grew longer, and they found themselves moving closer together on the sofa. Finally, Jack’s arm went over Paula’s shoulders, and she pulled him close.
They began kissing, first warmly, like close friends, then passionately, like lovers. Jack felt the warm sensuousness of her body next to his, and knew he wanted her and that his desire was reciprocated. But . . . but he also knew it wouldn’t be right, as he was sure she realized as well.
They broke off the kiss and gazed at each other for a few seconds, although it seemed like much longer. Then he spoke. "I’ll sleep out here."
She hesitated, then nodded. "I’ll get you a blanket." She opened a closet, pulled one out, and handed it over to Jack.
"Thanks," he said, taking the blanket.
"Good night."
"Night."
Paula closed the door to her bedroom, and Jack lay down on the sofa. It took him a long time to get to sleep.
Jack groaned, and Paula turned to him. "Good morning."
"Ugh." He sat up, rubbed his eyes. "What time is it?"
"Seven. I had to call in sick."
"Seven," Jack echoed. "You know, the one thing I could never get used to in our profession is the early hours."
"Oh, you ought to be used to it by now." She headed towards the kitchen. "Want breakfast?"
"Sure. Just let me get ready."
"Fine. I’ve left a fresh razor on the bathroom sink for you. You probably want to shave."
Jack got up and headed to the bathroom to take a shower. Half an hour later, dressed in the same clothing from yesterday and the night before, he joined Paula at her kitchen table. She was eating cereal and scrambled eggs, and reading a newspaper.
"Good morning."
"Good morning." She took a sip of coffee. "Feeling more human?"
"Yeah, I think so."
"Good. Help yourself to some food. There are eggs on the stove."
Jack filled a plate with eggs and a bowl with cereal, but demurred at the coffee, as he never drank the stuff. He poured himself some orange juice instead, sat down, and asked, "Can I have the comics?"
"Hm." Paula turned a page. "You’d probably rather take a look at this." She handed him the main section of the paper, folded over to an article titled, Police Search for SSC Trespasser." The same picture of Jack from last night’s news broadcast accompanied the article.
Jack handed it back. "I doubt there’s anything new from last night."
"No, but they did interview some lab bigwig. Dr. Anderson, I think her name was. It sounds like she’s the one you’re going to have to call."
"Anderson . . . yeah, I remember her. She was present when the universes merged." He started to scan the article. "What’s it say she does?"
"It calls her a project leader, but
doesn’t say which project."
Jack swallowed some eggs. "Given the lid your side is keeping on the existence of my universe, she’s probably the one in charge of the Gate on this end."
Paula nodded and sipped some more coffee. "So what’s the plan?"
"The plan is–" Again, Jack felt dizzy and his world disappeared. When it reappeared, Paula’s place at the table had been cleaned up. She sat there, her face obscured by her newspaper.
"How long?" Jack asked, feeling weak and parched. He reached for a glass of orange juice and drained it.
Paula peered over her paper and checked her watch. "Forty minutes."
"You seem awfully casual about this."
She shrugged. "What could I have done? I figured if you didn’t reappear all day, I’d call the lab. About the only other thing I did was make sure not to sit in your chair."
They both smiled at that, and then Paula added, "But I was worried, in case you were wondering."
Jack finished eating while the two of them engaged in idle chatter. After he was done, Paula cleared his plates, sat down again, and said, "So."
"So."
"Do you want to call them now?"
Jack nodded. "But not from here. If they’ve been keeping the Gate a secret, I don’t want them to be able to trace you to me. You might get in trouble."
Paula laughed. "Oh, so the big man is going to protect me from danger! Save me, save me!"
Jack sighed. "I was being serious."
"So was I. Jack, I want to help you with this. But I can’t if you don’t let them know about me. Otherwise, there’s no way they’d let me in to communicate with you. And if I’m going to search for Daniel for you–"
He interrupted her. "But I thought–" Then he stopped.
"You thought what?"
Jack felt uncomfortable, and he shifted in his seat. "Well, from what you said last night, I thought you didn’t think I should bother looking for Daniel anymore. I didn’t realize you were volunteering to help me find him."
"So what did you think I wanted you to call the lab for?"
"Um, well, after you pointed out that I may not be able to stay here indefinitely, I was going to see if they had a way of–of stabilizing me, so I wouldn’t keep disappearing, and so I could keep looking."
She shook her head. "Jack, I really don’t think that’s the way to go about it. But if that’s how you want to play the game, we’ll play it your way."
Paula drove them to a pay phone a few blocks away, and waited in the air-conditioned cab of her truck while Jack stood in the heat and light of the late morning. He dialed the lab and asked to be connected with Dr. Anderson.
"Who is this, please?" the voice on the other end asked.
Jack paused, then gave his name.
There was an immediate click, and Dr. Anderson came on the line. Jack recognized her voice from two years ago. "Mr. Levinson! Thank God! Where are you?"
Jack didn’t want to be rude, but the phone call had to be on his terms. "Never mind that," he said. "We need to talk."
"Mr. Levinson, you need to get back over here right away. We–"
"No. Dr. Anderson, I’m not coming back."
There was a pause. "You don’t understand. You passed through the Gate at a crucial time of operation. Ever since you jumped over, the Gate has been going haywire. We’ve been trying to restabilize it, but it doesn’t want to cooperate. If you don’t come back, we may lose it
entirely."
"Dr. Anderson, quite honestly, I don’t care about the problems you’re having with your experiment. I’ve been having problems of my own."
"I can imagine. Listen to me. You don’t belong in this universe. If the two universes get separated, your home universe is going to try to drag you back into it. But without a working Gate, we don’t know where you’ll be dragged to. Probably some nonexistent in-between."
Jack swallowed hard. "I think I’ve already experienced it. And that’s my problem. I need to stay here in your universe for a while."
He could almost hear her shake her head. "That’s not possible."
"Oh, come on! You must have some way to allow me to stay here for an extended period of time. Maybe we can cut a deal."
"A deal? Mr. Levinson, you can’t cut a deal with the laws of physics. It’s not safe for you to stay here, and we don’t know how to make it safe."
"Look, I know people have gone through before–"
"What? Who told you that?" Dr. Anderson sounded stunned.
"Um, one of the technicians on the other side. He said that he’d been through many times."
Dr. Anderson laughed, a frank laugh that bore no traces of deception. "He was kidding you. The Gate is dangerous, Mr. Levinson. We wouldn’t let people go through casually. In fact, you’re the first. The only things we pass through the Gate on a regular basis are radio waves. That’s how we communicate with the other side. We–we don’t want to set off another explosion." There was a pause. "I never got a chance to tell you how sorry I was, about your friend."
Suddenly Jack realized that Anderson felt real guilt over Daniel’s death. Not just guilt, but responsibility as well. It had been her collider, after all, which had leaked its antimatter beams into his universe.
"Thank you," he said.
"Jack, listen," she said, using his first name for the first time. "We’re just beginning to understand the Gate. If you come back and go home, we may be able to figure out how to allow safe passage for an extended period of time. But if you insist on staying here, you risk hurting not just the experiment, but yourself and the two universes as well. Please come back. I promise that no harm will come to you, and you’ll be able to pass freely back into Universe Two."
"I’ll call you back," Jack said, and hung up the phone.
"You’re going to have to go back," Paula said when he was finished.
"I guess so."
"You guess so? Jack, if you don’t go back, you’ll eventually disappear for good."
"Yeah, I know. But it still feels wrong."
"It’s not that bad, Jack."
"Yes, it is. I–I really needed to find Daniel."
"Why?" Paula said sharply.
"Huh?"
"‘Why?’ I asked. Why was it so important for you to find Daniel?"
"Because he’s my friend. I thought I explained that."
"Jack, there’s got to be more to it than that. People lose their friends all the time. But life goes on."
"It didn’t for Daniel."
"Well, it doesn’t seem to have gone on for you either." Jack winced, and Paula said, "Sorry. But it is true. Isn’t it?"
Slowly, Jack began to nod. "It’s true." He looked around the room for a moment, and let his gaze settle on the bookcase. "I–I feel old. I keep thinking I should still be a high school senior, or that I’ve just graduated from college, when it’s really been over five years. I have this mental image of myself that I know intellectually is untrue, but I can’t shake it. Every time I realize where I really am, how old I really am, I get scared."
"You’re too young for that. We both are."
"I can’t help the way I feel."
Paula shook her head. "You know what your problem is? You never faced death before."
"That’s not true. I had a pet mouse once who died." Even as he said it, Jack realized how silly it sounded.
"Do you really think that’s the same?" She put her hand on Jack’s shoulder. "My father died when I was a senior in college. About seven years ago."
Jack turned back to look at her. "Oh. I’m sorry."
"Thanks. And I have to admit, if I knew that he still might exist, somewhere, I might have gone looking for him, just like you did. But I didn’t have that option. No one really does. So I got on with my life."
She paused momentarily, then continued. "Jack, like the rest of us, you didn’t want to deal with it, you didn’t want to accept it. That’s OK. But unlike the rest of the world, you had a rather bizarre way of not dealing with it. You were able to hold onto a strange hope that no one else would ever have thought of. You went looking for your friend in, God help us, another universe."
"But I didn’t find him."
"But we still may. Look, I’ll take you to the lab. We’ll let them know I’m searching for Daniel on your behalf."
"You’ll keep looking for him?"
She nodded. "I will. We’ll get those stuffy scientists to help out, or else I’ll threaten to tell someone. I’m sure they’ll let us stay in touch, so I can keep you informed." She smiled, and they stood up. They stared at each other for a moment, then embraced and kissed.
After they had disengaged, Paula said, "Jack, from what you told me, Daniel was an impulsive, fun-loving person, right?"
"Yeah, he was."
"Well, he would have loved what you did these past few days."
Jack flashed a grin. "He would have, wouldn’t he?"
Paula nodded. "And not just because, in your own way, you were trying to rescue him. But because of the way you did it."
"I guess Daniel’s not that far away from me after all."
"No, he’s not."
"But, if you do ever find him–"
"I’ll let you know."
As they headed out her apartment door, Jack said, "Don’t let me forget my bike," and he smiled.
She smiled back. "Don’t worry, I won’t."
Jack returned to his home Universe that afternoon.
The house seemed to be the correct one. He climbed the steps and rang the bell. In a moment, the door opened, and there was Rachel, holding a baby in the crook of her left arm. She looked puzzled for a moment, then her face lit up.
"Oh my God! Jack! Is it really you?"
Jack nodded. "Yes, it’s me."
"It’s great to see you! Come in, come in!"
Jack entered the house and looked around. The door opened onto a living room, in which sat a large piano, a sofa, and a desk. On either side of the desk were bookshelves, set into the walls, and Jack spotted their old high school yearbook sitting on one of the shelves.
"Why didn’t you call me to tell me you’d be coming to visit? What’s up with your life? What’s going on?"
Jack looked around, and he felt the picture of Daniel in his pocket. "I’m back," he said. "I’m finally back."
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| Absent Friends |
Michael A. Burstein
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"Absent Friends" first appeared in the September 1998 issue. |
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He hated jackets and ties as well, but had felt obliged to wear a suit to this late Monday afternoon appointment. Every few seconds, he would notice his hands fidgeting at his visitor’s badge, and he would pull at his tight collar in an effort to make himself less nervous and more comfortable. It didn’t work.
Most of all, he hated waiting. A secretary had let him into the project director’s office, but fifteen minutes had passed since then, the afternoon was slowly approaching evening, and still the project director had not arrived.
Finally, the door opened, and Dr. Anita Zahn walked in. Jack felt glad now for the formal way he had dressed. Zahn was a small woman, with short black hair, and she wore a red suitjacket. "Sorry to keep you waiting, Mr. Levinson. We had a problem with the Gate."
Jack stood as Dr. Zahn walked around him, then resumed his seat when she sat down behind her desk. "It’s OK," he replied. "I hope the Gate’s fine."
She regarded him with pursed lips for a moment, then said, "The Gate is operating normally. Now what can I do for you?"
Her businesslike manner put Jack on his guard. "Dr. Zahn, do you know who I am?"
She nodded. "You don’t get to be the head of the Gate project without being briefed on its history, Mr. Levinson. You were the local math teacher from Waxahachie High School present at the formation of the first Einstein-Rosen bridge, a few years ago."
"Two years ago," Jack corrected her. "And there’s more to the story than that."
"I know. The death of your friend. Tragic."
Tragic. Was that the sum total of Daniel’s life and death? One word? Tragic? Jack thought back to that October afternoon, when Daniel and he did what they did every Sunday: bicycle around the ring of the old, abandoned Superconducting Supercollider. Well, it certainly wasn’t abandoned anymore. The explosion in the ring that had killed his friend led the scientists to discover another universe, one in which the SSC was operating and leaking antimatter into this universe. Suddenly, the two different SSC experiments had become hotbeds of activity, in both particle physics and the attempt to build stable Gates to other universes. Particle physics had made great strides, but to date, no other universes had been found.
And it had all started because of the death of Jack’s best friend, Daniel Strock.
"Doctor," Jack said slowly, "it’s because of my friend that I wanted to see you."
She nodded. "Please continue. I don’t have all day." Her brusqueness was in great contrast to the politeness Jack had experienced from the other scientists two years ago.
Well, if she could be direct, so could he. "I need to use the Gate."
"You need to use the Gate," she replied evenly.
"Yes."
"Because of your friend."
"Yes."
She sighed. "Mr. Levinson–"
"Jack, please."
"Jack." She smiled momentarily, then frowned. "I’m afraid that’s impossible."
He shook his head. "Hear me out."
"But–"
"Just listen, please." He looked her right in the eyes. After a second, she closed her eyes and nodded.
Jack took a deep breath, then spoke. "Dr. Zahn, how old do you think I am?"
Zahn seemed surprised by this question, but answered, "I don’t know. Thirty?"
"Close. I’m twenty-seven. And in all that time, I’ve only had one good friend in all the world. And that was Daniel."
Jack stood up and paced. "We had a unique friendship. We grew up together in New York, but never liked the feel of a big city. We went off to two different small town colleges and drifted apart, but kept in constant touch by phone and e-mail. We both loved and studied math, and when we had a chance to end up teaching together here in Waxahachie, we took it."
Jack stopped pacing. "We really enjoyed a lot of the same outdoor activities, like hiking, or–or bicycling. And two years ago, when I saw Daniel die in that explosion–for a while there, I didn’t want to go on."
He sat down again and leaned forward. "But one thing kept me going. The scientists working on the project apparently had doubles in the other universe. I remember, when they invited me to be present at the time of first contact, that the SSC director here and there looked exactly the same. And I thought that maybe, just maybe, my friend Daniel was still alive. In the other universe."
He rubbed his eyes and sighed. "I want your permission to go into the other universe, to look for him. I want to see my friend again. I need to see him."
His appeal finished, Jack leaned back, and looked directly at Zahn.
She sighed and put on a noncommittal expression. "Look, just because you were there from the beginning doesn’t mean you have any proprietary rights over the Gate. It’s not like we’re running a travel agency here, or even an import-export business." She put her hands together and asked, "How much physics do you know?"
Jack shrugged. "A little. I took it in college. But I’m mostly a math person."
"Well, let me explain it to you in a way you can understand." Her tone didn’t sound like she meant to be patronizing, but to Jack’s ears, her phrasing was just as bad. Wryly, he thought that she could use a lesson or two on how to teach.
She continued. "First of all, we’re still not even sure how the bridge between the universes formed. Yes, we know that the extremely high energies of the beam broke through the barriers between the universes, but we’ve barely even begun to understand the physics behind it. There are so many questions we still need to answer, and the most important one is why we ended up linked with this particular universe."
"Universe Beta," Jack said.
Zahn nodded. "I see you’ve been keeping up with the news. We’ve never had to name our universe before, so Alpha and Beta became the official designations. Over there, they call them One and Two." She smiled. "We’re Two, of course."
"Of course," Jack murmured.
"Like I said, we’ve barely begun to understand the physics behind the situation. But we do understand a few things. Apparently, this phenomenon is also based upon the many-worlds interpretation of quantum mechanics, developed by Hugh Everett at Princeton in the 1950s. Every time a decision is made, the Universe splits into many different universes, and in each one the decision is different. For example, today I ate cereal for breakfast, but in some other universe perhaps I ate eggs."
Jack nodded. "I do watch Star Trek," he said.
Zahn winced; apparently, that was the wrong thing to say. "Anyway," she continued, "if Everett’s theory is correct, then already we have the question of why we’re in touch only with this particular universe, and no other. After all, if there are presumably billions of SSCs running beams in all these multiple universes, then why haven’t they all leaked into ours?"
Jack tried to salvage his part of the conversation. "Perhaps Universe Beta resonates with ours on some fundamental level."
Zahn’s eyes widened. "That is the hypothesis we’ve been working on, yes. But we don’t know what the connection is, and there’s another problem to keep in mind."
She looked Jack straight in the eyes. "Everett’s theory does not allow for actual travel or contact between the universes."
Jack was puzzled. "But we are in contact. If anyone knows that, I do."
Zahn nodded. "That’s exactly the problem. We don’t completely understand why this is happening. But what we do know is that when we send matter through the Gate, it affects the resonances between the universes, effectively pushing them apart. The rate of the separation seems to be proportional to the mass sent through. In other words–"
Jack interrupted. "In other words, if you send too much stuff through the Gate, you’ll push the other universe away."
Zahn nodded. "About the only thing that we can trade safely back and forth is information. We do use the Gate on occasion to send small things back and forth to study, but we never send a person across. That simply isn’t possible."
Jack faced the floor, studying his shoes. "Then you’re saying that you won’t help me."
She shook her head sadly. "Not won’t. Can’t." After a moment, her somber face brightened. "There is one thing I could do for you."
Jack looked up hopefully. "What?"
"Well, I could ask the other scientists in Beta to search for your friend. We could bring him to the Gate, and you can meet him then."
Jack shook his head and said, "No, thank you." He didn’t bother telling her that her predecessor, Dr. Pratt, had tried to locate Daniel Strock last year, to no avail. Or at least, he had claimed to an effort. Dr. Zahn was obviously not as well briefed as she thought.
"In that case . . ." Zahn spread her arms out in a gesture of helplessness.
Jack shrugged. "Guess I’ll have to forget about it. Thank you for your time." He stood up to leave.
"Wait," Zahn said, standing up as well. Hesitantly, she put a hand on his shoulder. "Jack, a piece of advice if I may."
He nodded.
"I’m really sorry about your friend, but–but you really ought to put it behind you. Even if you did find him on the other side of the Gate, it probably wouldn’t be the same."
Jack felt a tear in his eye. "I had to try," he said.
He lived in a relatively new apartment building, on the same block with some of the gorgeous old houses for which Waxahachie was known. From what Jack had gathered, long-time residents had made a big stink when the huge building was constructed. But it was one of the few places where a young high school teacher could afford to live.
At the front door, he removed his helmet, took out his keys, let himself in, and walked his bike into the building. He lived on the first floor, making it easy for him to bring his bike in and out of the place.
After getting his mail without looking at it, Jack opened his apartment door and put his helmet and bicycle away in the front closet. He walked into his bedroom, removed his jacket and tie, and changed into sweats and a T-shirt. Then he sat down on the edge of his bed and rubbed his eyes.
A few minutes later he stood up and wandered around his apartment, from the bedroom to the living room and kitchen, and then back to the living room again. Small place, without many furnishings, but that had never mattered before. Daniel and he had usually gone out places together. They had even double dated once, although that didn’t work out. Both Daniel and Jack had felt married to their work, which was usually more than satisfying.
But now Jack wasn’t so sure. He felt discontented with his life. His place, which had always felt cozy before, had most recently taken on an air of loneliness. It pervaded him, making him feel hollow inside.
His grumbling stomach reminded Jack that it was close to dinnertime. He briefly considered cooking an elaborate meal–just the kind he had liked to prepare for him and Daniel. But he couldn’t get up the enthusiasm to do it. Instead, he opened a can of tuna, made a sandwich, and plopped down on the sofa in front of the TV to watch the news.
He couldn’t bring himself to pay attention, so he left the TV on for background noise and sorted through the letters. Junk mail, mostly. People hardly wrote personal letters anymore. But one letter bore the name and return address of Rachel Larsen, an old girlfriend from high school. He opened it and read it with scant attention; it was mostly about Rachel’s new kid and new job, in that order. But then she got into some more personal stuff which caused him to sit up.
". . . you’ve been brooding for two years now, Jack. I know you don’t have any other close friends in Waxahachie. Perhaps it’s time you came back to New York, to your family and other friends. You need people around you, people who know and care about you, and you’re not getting that in Texas.
"Jack, let me finish this letter with one question: would Daniel have wanted you to mope around like this?"
Jack read over the last few paragraphs again and again, trying to assimilate Rachel’s words. Leave Waxahachie? He couldn’t see himself doing it. Perhaps it was a small town, but it had a certain charm to it. If he needed a big city, well, Dallas was but a short drive away. He didn’t need to go back to New York; he just needed his friend Daniel again, impetuous, fun Daniel, who always knew just what to do with life. . . .
Jack drifted off to sleep on the sofa, Rachel’s letter clutched in his hand.
It was in the middle of that last class that the thoughts came unbidden to his mind. He had just turned his back on the apathetic students to write another line of a proof when the ennui overwhelmed him as well. What am I doing here? Do the students really care? Will I be stuck here teaching Pythagorean Theorem over and over for the rest of my life?
He hesitated, his chalk poised above the blackboard. What could he do? He had twenty minutes left to class and no choice but to continue teaching, but his heart wasn’t in it anymore. He gritted his teeth and reminded himself of the few students who did care, the ones who made him enter this profession in the first place.
That got him through the class. By the time the bell rang, Pythagorean Theorem had been proven once again. He sat down at his desk and stared out into space as his students shuffled out of the classroom.
Except for one. Donald Primrose, one of the better students, gathered up his things and hesitated at the door. Once the rest of the class had exited, Donald turned back to Jack. "Mr. Levinson?"
"Yes, Donald?"
"Um–are you all right? You seemed out of it for a while there."
Jack smiled. "I’m fine, Donald. Thanks for asking. Don’t forget the late homework you owe me."
"Um, OK." Donald left, and Jack went back to staring into space. He really ought to get up, he thought. Get up, go home, grade papers . . .
It all seemed so banal, so unimportant.
Jack looked up at his door. If Daniel were still alive, he would come careening in here any second, laughing, joking, suggesting a drive to Dallas or a walk in the park–or something else. Maybe even bungee jumping; Daniel was always more of a daredevil then Jack.
Jack stared at his door for five minutes. It didn’t open.
With a sigh, Jack got up and collected his things. His friend Rachel was right. He couldn’t live like this anymore. Not without Daniel.
As Jack swung his pack around on his back, something fell out–his visitor’s badge from yesterday’s appointment. Jack smiled at the realization that they had never bothered to take it back. The SSC might be a government laboratory, but it was a relaxed one, and security tended to be somewhat lax there. The badge was only good for yesterday, anyway, and Jack picked it up, intent on throwing it out.
He brought it to the trash can and hesitated. He studied the badge. The date was handwritten and not very clear. He could use the badge to get back into the facility today, if he wanted. And that meant . . .
Whistling, Jack stuck the badge in his pocket, and headed home. He had to get a picture of Daniel and make a few phone calls.
The night was cool, a full moon hung high in the sky, and Jack paused for a moment to inhale the clean air. He dismounted and covered the rest of the distance to the building on foot, wheeling his bicycle along with him. The glass door in front was locked, but Jack rang the bell, and in a minute a man came to the door and opened it from inside.
"Jack Levinson?"
"Yes, that’s me."
He opened the door wide and grinned broadly. "Pete Gallagher," he said, and shook Jack’s hand vigorously. "Come in, come in! It’s eight o’clock, you’re right on time!" He practically pulled Jack inside, the bicycle dragging along.
Gallagher was large, taller and broader than Jack, but his size was mostly due to weight, not muscle. He wore a button-down shirt with the collar open, and a badge that identified him as a Technician. "Let’s get right to it–the Gate’s this way." He wheezed as they walked down a white-walled hallway, but kept up a fast pace.
"Sorry to have bothered you," Jack said.
"No problemo! You’re a bit of a celebrity around here, you know that, don’t you?"
Jack stopped in his tracks. "A celebrity?"
Gallagher continued walking, forcing Jack to do the same. "Yeah, well, I mean, as you were the first one to see the universes converge. I’ve always wanted to meet you. That’s why I was so glad when you called this afternoon. So they’ve never let you see the Gate before?"
"No," Jack said, and then did something he hated. He lied. "I’m really grateful to Dr. Zahn for letting me see it tonight."
"Yeah, she’s aces. Not like Dr. Pratt. He kept a tight fist on everything."
Jack didn’t know what to say. He agreed that Pratt had been hard to deal with, but he had offered what help he felt he could. Of course, Zahn had done the same, and if she hadn’t been the current director, it probably would have been much harder for him to convince Gallagher that he had permission to see the Gate.
They stopped at a door. Gallagher took out his passkey, and started to slide it through the electronic lock when he slapped himself on the forehead. "Oh, I forgot! I have to see your badge." He shrugged. "Regulations, you know."
Jack nodded and showed the badge to Gallagher. He quietly breathed a sigh of relief when Gallagher gave it a cursory glance, not even taking it for a closer look.
"OK." He grinned. "I should probably warn you that the Gate is an impressive sight, but you’ve already seen the effect before, haven’t you? Here we go!" He slid his passkey through the lock, and the door opened with a loud click. They entered the room.
Gallagher headed over to a control panel on the nearby wall while Jack took in the sight at the center of the room. The Gate looked nothing like a gate. Jack had been expecting a normal rectangular-shaped doorway, the size of a person, through which the other universe would exist just like another room. Or perhaps it would appear to wobble and ripple, like the other universe did the first time they were truly brought together.
The Gate was something entirely different. It looked as if a sphere of electrically charged air or water hovered in front of them. It sparkled, it crackled with noise. The other side of the room was only visible around it; inside, it appeared to be nothing but a mass of turbulence, a trapped ball of lightning, thunder, and wind.
"Wow," Jack whispered. He could barely hear himself over the noise.
Gallagher grinned at him. "Sorry we can’t turn it off," he shouted. "The scientists are afraid that if we close the connection, we may lose contact permanently. And I’m not just talking about Dr. Zahn. This comes from on high."
"How does it work?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, is it safe to go into that?"
Gallagher laughed. "Scared of all the special effects? Relax; the Gate turbulence can’t harm anything. At least not as long as we’re controlling it from right here. We pass stuff through all the time."
"Really?" That didn’t seem consistent with what Dr. Zahn had told him. Could she have been lying? "Like what?"
"Oh, notebooks, equipment, things like that. Anything that will help us understand the Gate. That’s how we work with the other scientists, in Beta."
"Do–do people ever go through?"
Gallagher fiddled with a few controls before replying. "Very rarely, although all of us techs have been through at least once. It’s like the world’s most thrilling rollercoaster ride." He looked around conspiratorially. "Would you like to go through?"
Could it be this easy? "Really? Do you mean it?"
Gallagher grinned and shook his head. "Nah! I really can’t let you. You understand."
Jack felt deflated. "Sure. Sure, I understand."
Gallagher nodded and turned back to the control panel. In a moment, Jack knew, Gallagher would suggest that Jack leave. After all, his lie only covered the chance to see the Gate, and now that he had, there would be no other excuse for him to stay.
It was now or never. Offering up a quick prayer that he wouldn’t hurt anyone on the other side, Jack lifted his
bicycle and, with all his might, heaved it into the Gate. It hit the boundary of the sphere, crackled, fizzled, warbled, and vanished.
Gallagher reacted to the quick change in the noise from the Gate. He snapped his head around and shouted "What in the–"
Jack had no time. He shouted, "My bicycle got sucked in! I’ll go get it!" and jumped.
If the Gate seemed scary before, what happened next was positively terrifying. Jack remembered the only time he had actually seen a small portion of the two universes come together. The people of the other universe had seemed transparent and insubstantial. Their bodies had appeared to stretch and compress, as if space were a wave moving through them.
Now, that seemed to be happening to Jack himself. It confused him, because he knew that what he had seen before was merely visual, an effect of the two universes merging temporarily. But that was no longer the case. He felt his own body stretch and distort, making him long and thin, then short and fat. It was like being a rubber doll, tossed around by the eddies of the Gate.
He felt like he would vomit, but he had lost the sense of his own body. He became a disembodied consciousness, floating in a sea of white sparks, surrounded by overwhelming noise and bright light. He tried to concentrate, to focus on anything, but there was nothing around him, nothing at all.
Time seemed to stop, and it seemed to go on forever. Space expanded, space contracted. The Universe ended, the Universe was born.
His eyes snapped open into a bright light, which made him blink a few times to clear the sudden tears.
After a moment, he realized he was lying on his back upon a cold concrete floor. The bright light was the Gate, floating above him and to the side, looking exactly the way he remembered it.
He stood up quickly and looked around. The room looked exactly the same, but with two minor differences. Off to one side, his bicycle lay on the floor, apparently undamaged.
And Pete Gallagher was nowhere to be seen.
Jack walked over to his bicycle as quickly as he could, but carefully. He felt slightly dizzy, presumably an aftereffect of jumping through the Gate. He righted the bicycle, walked it over to the door of the room, then stopped short and laughed.
He was heading towards the wall. The door was on the other side, in this version of the room.
He shook his head, turned around, and exited the room. Fortunately, there was no one else around in the hallways. It had been a gamble, but it had paid off. When Jack had called the main number for Building G back home in Universe Alpha, he was counting on the fact that the building would normally be unstaffed at night. Pete Gallagher had been the only one around shortly after 5 PM, and he agreed to let Jack come visit after Jack’s lie about having Zahn’s permission, a lie which couldn’t be checked until tomorrow. Well, the Building G in Universe Beta was also unstaffed at night, which made Jack’s life that much easier. He imagined what it would have been like for him had he emerged into the middle of a normal workday, with technicians everywhere, doing experiments, and he shook off the shudder of how quickly they would have sent him back.
Come to think of it, after that weird passage, he wasn’t sure he ever wanted to go back. It was similar to his fear of flying. He wouldn’t mind being home again; he just didn’t want to have to pass through the Gate to get there.
Jack quickened his pace to the building’s exit. Although he didn’t think that Gallagher would follow after him immediately, the possibility was still there.
He emerged into a clear, cool night, similar to the one he had left behind on the other side. The moon was even full, although it hung slightly higher in the sky, which made sense given how long Jack had been unconscious. Jack inspected his bicycle for damage. It appeared unhurt from its trip through the Gate, so Jack mounted it and headed towards town.
Specifically, he headed towards a motel he knew was located a short ride away from the school. Obviously, Jack couldn’t head "home," as his apartment was probably occupied by someone else in this universe. But he had already acknowledged and prepared for this problem. He would stay at a motel tonight, head over to the school tomorrow, and begin asking around for Daniel.
Less than an hour later, he arrived at the location of the motel, and had a small surprise. The motel looked the same, but it sat on the other side of the street from the one he expected. Jack shrugged. A minor inconvenience, nothing more. He crossed the street, locked his bicycle to an outside post, and entered the motel.
The lobby was a tiny room with two tables and a desk, at which sat the clerk, a young man with nicely combed black hair and a nametag on his red jacket. He looked up as Jack let the door fall shut with the tinkle of a bell.
"Good evening, may I help you?"
"Yes, I’d like to rent a room for–for the next two nights." That should be long enough.
"Certainly, sir." The clerk consulted the computer in front of him and hit a few keys. "And how will you be paying for this?"
"Visa." He handed over his credit card, and the clerk ran it through the computer. After a moment, the computer beeped and he gave Jack a funny look.
"Sorry, it doesn’t seem to be valid," he said, and he handed the card over.
Puzzled, Jack took it and said, "Oh, well, then I’ll just pay cash." He reached into his wallet to take out some bills, and paused with his hand around a twenty.
It suddenly hit him that his credit card didn’t work in this universe; what guarantee did he have that his money looked the same as their money?
Answer: absolutely none. The credit card was one thing, but if the clerk decided that his money was no good, Jack could easily find himself locked up in a jail for the night, trying to explain why he had tried to pass off such obviously fake money as the real stuff.
He stuffed his wallet back into his pocket, mumbled, "Never mind," and rushed back into the cool night.
Where could he go now? As he unlocked his bicycle, he first considered heading to his apartment building. Maybe his keys would work, and the current resident might be out of town, and he could–
No. That was both stupid and dangerous. At the very least, he might get arrested for breaking and entering. At the very worst, another version of himself might live there, and he’d have a hard time explaining his presence.
Perhaps he could check a phone book for Daniel’s name. After all, if he could find Daniel tonight, he could probably introduce himself, sleep over–
No, that wouldn’t work either. Jack knew that Daniel didn’t live in Waxahachie Beta, at least under the name of Daniel Strock, because that was something Dr. Pratt had checked for him. The motel looked like the best bet, and maybe, just maybe, his money would be good here after all. Perhaps the first thing he needed to do was to check his money against local currency–
A sudden dizziness overwhelmed Jack for an instant, and he braced himself against his bicycle. It passed quickly, and Jack blamed the excitement of the night. But still it frightened him, and disrupted his previous train of thought. He now realized that he didn’t want to do much of anything until he found Daniel. Was all this really worth it? Maybe he should just go back to the Gate and his own universe, apologize to Pete Gallagher, and go home.
But then again–Jack took the picture of Daniel out of his wallet, studied it for a minute, and for the umpteenth time read the inscription on the back. "Jack–You have always been, and always will be, my friend–Daniel."
He went to Getzendaner Park, and slept under the stars.
Jack couldn’t quite put his finger on it. The building looked like the one he knew, and the location was correct, but there was something subtle, something just off, about the place. He thought about it as he locked his bicycle to a post and watched the flow of students into the school.
He yawned and stretched once his bicycle was secure, and joined the throngs of people going into the school. Self-consciously, he rubbed the stubble on his chin and hoped no one would take too much notice of his slightly disheveled appearance. Fortunately, the buzz of student conversation dominated the interest of the masses around him, and no one paid him much attention.
There was one obvious place to head towards once Jack was inside, and that was the Mathematics Department. He went to where he expected the office to be, and was relieved to discover that it was in exactly the same location as it was in his own universe. The interior, however, was much different. There were fewer desks against the walls of the small room, and a surfeit of posters on various mathematical subjects. He noticed that his favorite poster, on fractals, was missing.
He walked over to the location of his desk, at the back of the room, and hesitated. What if he ran into his other self here? He chided himself for not thinking ahead. He bent over the desk to see if anything on it or about it looked familiar, when he heard a voice from the doorway behind him.
"Who are you?"
Jack turned around, and was stunned. A woman carrying a briefcase stood in the office doorway, a woman who was the exact image of his old girlfriend Rachel Larsen. She had long, flowing blond hair, hazel eyes, and she stood a little shorter than Jack did. It took Jack a moment to find his voice. "Um–I’m Jack Levinson. I teach Math here."
She raised an eyebrow. "You do? I don’t recall seeing you at any department meetings."
Well, that answered Jack’s question about whether he might run into himself here.
Quickly, he said, "Um, I mean, I used to teach Math here. Once, a–a long time ago."
She closed the distance between them and studied his face. "Couldn’t have been that long ago," she said, and smiled.
"Um–no, it wasn’t. I mean, it was a few years."
She extended her hand. "I’m Paula Eisen. I teach Math here now."
Jack shook her hand carefully, constantly reminding himself that this was not Rachel. "It’s a pleasure to meet you."
"Same here. Now could you tell me what you’re doing here?"
Jack took a deep breath. "I’m looking for my friend Daniel Strock. He–he used to teach Math here with me." He reached into his pocket and passed the photograph over. She studied it for a few seconds, then handed it back with a shake of her head.
"Sorry. I don’t recognize him. But this is only my first year here."
"Um–right." Jack had been about to say that that shouldn’t have mattered, but that would have contradicted the cover story he had just established.
"Would you excuse me, please? You’re standing in front of my desk."
"Oh. Sorry." Jack moved to the side, and a sudden wave of dizziness hit him. The room spun and colored lights danced around Jack’s field of vision. He fell to the floor.
"Hey! You OK?"
Jack recovered almost immediately, but stood up slowly, using her desk chair as a brace. "I’m fine, Ms. Eisen."
"Paula, please." She put her briefcase down on her desk. "It looked like you lost it for a moment there."
"Yeah, well, maybe I did. My apologies. I guess I should go."
Jack turned away from Paula, headed for the door, when she said, "I’m curious about something."
He turned around. "Um. Yes?"
"Don’t you keep track of your friends?"
"It’s kind of a long story." He shrugged.
"Uh-huh. Whatever you say." She paused, then said, "Listen, are you sure you’re going to be all right?"
Jack nodded. "Yeah, I think so. I just need to figure out what to do next."
"What to do next?"
"I mean, to find my friend."
"Oh." She sat down and smiled. "Maybe I can help."
Suddenly Jack felt hope. "Really? How?"
"Well, I’m not sure. But if he did teach here, I suppose I could ask around, see if anyone remembers him. That is what you’re doing, isn’t it?"
"Sort of. But I can do this myself, thanks."
"Do you have permission to be in the building?"
Jack remained silent.
Paula sighed. "I thought not. Listen, why don’t you go home, rest a bit, and I’ll see what I can find out about your friend. Daniel Strock, is that what you said his name is?"
"Yes, that’s right."
"Good. And in turn, you can take me out to dinner tonight."
It took Jack a moment to understand what she had just said. "Dinner?"
"Well, how else were you going to find out what I learned? You can pay me back for my help by telling me all about what the school was like when you taught here. I’m a sucker for local history." She smiled. "Want to pick me up at five?"
"Um, all I have is my bike."
She rolled her eyes. "Fine, I’ll drive. Meet me in front of the school. And don’t worry about your bike; we’ll be able to lug it along."
In a way, though,. that would help remind him that Paula was not Rachel, that this woman had an entirely different lifestyle, and perhaps even a radically different life history. At the very least, he had to remember that she did not share any sort of history with him.
At a few minutes before five o’clock, Jack waited in front of the school, his bicycle standing next to him. The street in front of the school was mostly deserted, which made sense, given that the school day had ended almost two hours ago.
Paula was right on time. She drove up fast in a red pickup truck, came to a screeching halt, and jumped out. No, thought Jack, she was definitely not like the Rachel he knew. Paula seemed much more impulsive, much more of a risk-taker. Why else would she have arranged to go out to dinner with a total stranger?
"Hello," Jack said.
"Greetings. Let’s get your bike into the back." The two of them lifted it into the truck, then got in themselves.
"Where are we going?" Jack asked as they pulled out.
"I figured we’d head to Dallas. There’s an Italian restaurant I like, if you have no objection."
"No, Italian sounds fine."
"Good. Do you mind if I put on the news? There aren’t enough hours in the day to keep up."
"Sure, go ahead."
Paula turned the radio to a news station, and Jack listened intently to get an idea of how different this universe was from his own. To begin with, he didn’t remember this particular station broadcasting news back home, but he didn’t say anything. Oddly enough, the news didn’t sound too out of place. The name of the president was the same, and the international stories seemed logical, as far as Jack could tell. But then they got to local news, and Jack leaned forward.
"Ellis County police are still looking for a man who trespassed onto the Superconducting Supercollider facility late last night and wandered off. Although they report no vandalism or any damage to the collider, police say that the trespasser should be considered dangerous and that if anyone–"
Jack turned the dial, cutting off the announcer in the middle of his sentence. The radio cut into the middle of a country and western song.
"Hey! What’d you do that for?"
"Sorry. I just got into the mood for some music."
"Well, switch it back, please."
Jack took his time doing so, and by the time he got back to the news station, the announcer was on a different story.
Jack spent the rest of the ride silently contemplating his fugitive status.
They arrived at the restaurant ten minutes later. It was one of those that hovered between casual and formal. Red tablecloths, large mirrors and the windows facing the road contrasted with classy finished wood furniture and somber prints hanging on the walls. Paula and Jack were shown to a small corner table upon which sat a lit candle in a glass, superfluous given the bright lighting.
They ordered dinner. Paula requested a simple plate of spaghetti. Jack felt starved and asked for a lasagna, all the time worrying about how they would pay for the food at the end. He hoped Paula had money.
Once the waitress was gone, Paula began the conversation. Jack desperately wanted to hear if she had found out anything about Daniel, but instead she started by quizzing him on the history of the school. She asked questions about people, courses, and the school grounds. Jack did his best to keep up with logical answers, but hesitated over a lot of what he said. Finally, she laughed and said, "You don’t really know much about the school, do you?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, Mr. I-taught-here-before, that your knowledge of Waxahachie High is lame at best. You’ve been answering questions about teachers who never existed, for one thing, and giving me nice complete stories about them. You haven’t recognized the names of people you should have known had you actually taught there." Paula leaned forward. "And, finally, the name of your friend Daniel Strock drew a complete blank as far as the Ellis County school system was concerned. No one by that name ever taught in any of the schools in Waxahachie." She leaned back again. "Just who are you, really? What’s your story?"
Jack took a deep breath. "You wouldn’t believe me if I told you."
"Try me."
Jack looked around. "Well, for starters, I’m not really from here. Sort of. I mean, I am and I’m not."
"Ah. A paradox."
Jack changed tactics. "What do you know about the SSC?"
"The collider? Not much. It brought a lot of money into Waxahachie when they decided to build it, but I wasn’t around then."
"Do you know anything about what happened with the collider two years ago?"
"You mean when they almost closed it? Yeah, the experiment wasn’t working for a while, and then they got it to work again. Why? Do you work there?"
Jack shook his head. "Do the names ‘Universe One’ or ‘Universe Two’ mean anything to you?"
Now Paula shook her head. "No, should they?"
It became clear to Jack that the federal government of Universe Beta must have kept quiet the events of two years past. Well, he thought bitterly, they could get away with it more easily. It wasn’t as if anyone had died in this universe.
At that moment, the waitress came to their table with their dinner. She set the plates down in front of them, and they began eating. Jack dived in, and with the first swallow his hunger intensified. He hadn’t realized that he was so ravenous, but that made sense, given that he hadn’t eaten since yesterday.
"Slow down, pardner! It’s not going to run away from you."
Jack swallowed another mouthful, and gave Paula a sheepish grin. "Sorry. You were right; this is a great place."
"Thanks. It’s not too expensive, either, another reason why I like to come here."
Jack paused with his fork in the food. "Um. That’s something else. I may need your help paying for dinner. But I promise to pay you back." Somehow, he added silently.
She rolled her eyes. "Don’t tell me; let me guess. You don’t have any money on you."
"No, I do, it’s just that–well, let me show you." He took out a dollar bill and passed it over to Paula, who glanced at it and gave it back.
"Looks fine to me."
"It does? I mean, could I see one of your dollars?" Back at the motel, after that initial wave of dizziness, Jack had frightened himself so much about the possibility that his money wouldn’t be good here, that he had forgotten to check it out.
She shook her head, but took her wallet out of her purse. "You’re really weird, you know that?" She handed over a bill and Jack compared it to his own.
There were no discernable differences. It was possible that Jack’s money would show up as counterfeit under greater scrutiny, but for routine spending, it would suffice. Too bad he hadn’t known about that last night. He could have slept in comfort, taken a shower, and eaten lunch.
"Looks like my money’s good here after all," he murmured, and handed Paula’s dollar back.
"So you can pay for dinner?"
"Uh, yeah, sure, I guess. I just didn’t expect to be able to."
"Which brings me back to my question. What’s your story?"
Jack stared over Paula’s shoulder. "I’m not from this Earth."
She laughed. "Don’t tell me you’re from outer space!"
"No–no. It’s not like that. I’m–I’m a visitor from Universe Alpha. I mean, Universe Two."
"Ah. And that’s supposed to make it all clear to me, right?"
Jack knew this sounded crazy, but he kept going. "Look, the reason the SSC stopped working was because the beams leaked into another universe, mine. Maybe that didn’t make the news around here, but it definitely made the news in my Waxahachie. There was an explosion. It killed my friend Daniel, and . . ."
"And now you’ve come here to see if you can find another version of him."
"Right."
She smiled. "Thanks for trying. Want to play again?"
"You asked. I’m serious."
"Are you? That’s one of the silliest stories I ever heard."
"It’s true. And I really could use your help." He thought a moment, then let out a sudden burst of laughter. "I just realized–this is ‘The Search for Strock!’"
"Huh?"
"We’re even eating in an Italian restaurant, me and the native. Oh, no, wait, that was the next movie."
"Jack, what are you talking about?"
"It’s a pun. You know, on The Search for Spock?"
"Spock? You mean Dr. Benjamin Spock, the pediatrician?"
"No, I mean Spock, Kirk’s first
officer."
"Huh?"
"On TV. Haven’t you ever seen Star Trek?"
Paula shrugged. "Never heard of it."
Another divergence between universes. Jack really had to stop making these assumptions. But wait a minute–
"Paula, I just mentioned a TV show to you that apparently doesn’t exist here. Now do you believe me?"
She ate a little more food before answering. "You could be making that stuff up, just to make your story more believable. I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to come up with something better than that."
Suddenly, Jack felt the same wave of dizziness he had felt that morning. He doubled over, his arms gripping his body tight.
"Jack? Jack! What’s happening?"
The universe faded away around him. He was in quiet darkness for an indeterminate time.
Suddenly, he was back in the restaurant, sitting across from Paula. He felt weak.
"Jack! Are you OK? You–you flickered out for a moment there."
He nodded and looked around. A few of the other diners were staring in his direction. "We’d better get out of here," he whispered.
"You got that right." Paula left money for their dinners and helped Jack to his feet. As they headed towards the exit, she said, "Oh, Jack."
"Hm?"
"I think I believe you now."
Paula opened the door and turned on the lights, revealing a living room a little more cluttered than Jack’s own. "Have a seat," she said, pointing him towards a blue sofa. "I have to go to the bathroom. Be back in a minute."
Jack chose to wander around the room instead. Whenever he visited a friend, he always felt drawn to see what books were on the shelves, and the same urge existed even here. Paula kept her bookcase next to her television set, and Jack noticed that videotapes and CDs crammed for space among the books. Her tastes were eclectic. She had a lot of mathematics books, of course, but there were also quite a few popularizations of science, and a whole shelf devoted to comparative religion. No books on economics, though, which seemed odd, given Rachel’s interests back home. Paula’s fiction tastes also diverged from Rachel’s. Rachel liked romances; Paula’s novels ranged from mysteries to fantasy, and Jack noticed a preponderance of titles by authors with the names of Ardai and Pierce. Idly, Jack wondered how many of these titles were unique to this universe. He picked up a science fiction novel titled Infonaut and began paging through it. It didn’t look like anything he remembered from back home, and he suppressed an impulse to steal the book.
Paula emerged from the bathroom while Jack still had the book in his hand. She had changed into shorts and a T-shirt. "Can I get you anything?"
"No thanks," he said, returning the book to the shelf. "Interesting collection you have here."
"Thanks." She walked over to the TV and turned it on, but kept the sound low. "News," she said, as she sat down on one end of the sofa. She grabbed a pillow and pulled her legs up. "I hope you don’t mind."
"Not at all." Jack said. He settled himself comfortably onto the other side of the sofa. They remained silent for a few seconds. The flickering of the television screen and its low droning dominated the room.
Finally, Paula spoke. "So. Feeling
better?"
"Yeah. Thanks."
"Good. Now, Jack. You must have extreme loyalty towards your friend to come to another universe to find him!"
He chuckled. "I guess so."
"Want to tell me the full story? I think I’m ready for it now."
Jack nodded, and in a few minutes, it seemed, he had told her his whole life story. When he finished, she wrung her hands for a few seconds and stared at the television. Then she turned back to look at him.
"Don’t you realize how illogical this is?"
Jack squirmed. "Well, sort of."
She rolled her eyes. "‘Sort of,’ the man says. Jack, I’m sure you’ve thought of this already, but I think you need to hear this again. Brace yourself.
"If Daniel Strock does exist in this universe, he’s not your Daniel Strock."
Jack looked away from her. "I knew that."
"Oh, did you? What were you planning to do? Introduce yourself as the long-lost best friend he never had?"
"Well, I–"
"And have you considered the possibility that he doesn’t exist here at all?"
"What are you talking about?"
"You yourself said that there were
different scientists working at the two different laboratories. How do you know that a version of your friend exists here?"
Jack shouted. "He must exist here! You exist here!"
"So?"
"Listen, Rachel–"
"Rachel?"
He felt his face flush. "I mean, Paula."
She raised an eyebrow. "Who the hell is Rachel?"
"Rachel is–was–I mean–Rachel’s an old girlfriend of mine. Married now."
Jack swallowed. Paula sat silent for a moment. Then she jumped up and threw the pillow at him, hard.
"Was this a ploy–" she yelled.
"No!" Jack replied. "I swear! I didn’t even know you were here! If I had been looking for you, I would’ve brought a picture of you, not Daniel!"
That seemed to calm her down. She sat down again, but faced away from Jack and towards the television. Suddenly she seemed surprised. She leaned forward, grabbed the remote control, and turned up the volume.
Jack looked towards the television. There was a picture of him to the upper right of the news anchor. The anchor was saying, "–still looking for Jack Levinson, who trespassed onto the SSC facility today. Levinson should be considered dangerous, and if you see him, do not approach him yourself. Instead, police are requesting that anyone with information call them at the number on your screen."
The anchor went on to another story, and Paula muted the sound.
"You’re hot, aren’t you?" she asked softly.
Jack nodded. "It’s what I told you. Dr. Zahn said that they couldn’t send too much mass through the Gate, or else–"
Another sudden spell of dizziness overcame Jack and the world turned dark and quiet. When the world came back, Jack saw Paula running around the room frantically.
"Are you all right?" she asked him after she spotted him. She sat down next to him and put her hands on his shoulders.
Jack nodded; this time, he felt weak and his throat felt dry. "I could use some water," he croaked.
Paula nodded and brought him a glass from the kitchen, which he drained eagerly. "What happened?" he asked.
"You were gone for a full minute. For a moment there, I thought–" She stopped.
"Yes?"
"Nothing. I’m glad you’re OK."
"Thanks."
Paula sat down again. "All right, Jack. Look at this optimistically. Let’s suppose Daniel did exist here and was willing to be your friend. How were you going to stay in touch? What were you planning to do? Live here indefinitely? When you keep vanishing like that?"
"I–I don’t know. I guess I hadn’t given it much thought."
She laughed; her eyes sparkled. "Ain’t that the truth." After a moment, her face took on a more somber expression. "You know what you have to do, Jack." She tilted her head towards the television, reminding Jack of the news report. "Tomorrow, you have to call the lab and tell them where you are. Otherwise . . ."
He nodded. "Otherwise, I might disappear completely."
"Yeah. And–and I wouldn’t want that to happen."
They were silent for a moment, then Jack said, "Let’s talk about something else."
"OK."
They talked about books, about childhood, about current events. They delighted in both the similarities and the differences between their two universes. The night grew longer, and they found themselves moving closer together on the sofa. Finally, Jack’s arm went over Paula’s shoulders, and she pulled him close.
They began kissing, first warmly, like close friends, then passionately, like lovers. Jack felt the warm sensuousness of her body next to his, and knew he wanted her and that his desire was reciprocated. But . . . but he also knew it wouldn’t be right, as he was sure she realized as well.
They broke off the kiss and gazed at each other for a few seconds, although it seemed like much longer. Then he spoke. "I’ll sleep out here."
She hesitated, then nodded. "I’ll get you a blanket." She opened a closet, pulled one out, and handed it over to Jack.
"Thanks," he said, taking the blanket.
"Good night."
"Night."
Paula closed the door to her bedroom, and Jack lay down on the sofa. It took him a long time to get to sleep.
Jack groaned, and Paula turned to him. "Good morning."
"Ugh." He sat up, rubbed his eyes. "What time is it?"
"Seven. I had to call in sick."
"Seven," Jack echoed. "You know, the one thing I could never get used to in our profession is the early hours."
"Oh, you ought to be used to it by now." She headed towards the kitchen. "Want breakfast?"
"Sure. Just let me get ready."
"Fine. I’ve left a fresh razor on the bathroom sink for you. You probably want to shave."
Jack got up and headed to the bathroom to take a shower. Half an hour later, dressed in the same clothing from yesterday and the night before, he joined Paula at her kitchen table. She was eating cereal and scrambled eggs, and reading a newspaper.
"Good morning."
"Good morning." She took a sip of coffee. "Feeling more human?"
"Yeah, I think so."
"Good. Help yourself to some food. There are eggs on the stove."
Jack filled a plate with eggs and a bowl with cereal, but demurred at the coffee, as he never drank the stuff. He poured himself some orange juice instead, sat down, and asked, "Can I have the comics?"
"Hm." Paula turned a page. "You’d probably rather take a look at this." She handed him the main section of the paper, folded over to an article titled, Police Search for SSC Trespasser." The same picture of Jack from last night’s news broadcast accompanied the article.
Jack handed it back. "I doubt there’s anything new from last night."
"No, but they did interview some lab bigwig. Dr. Anderson, I think her name was. It sounds like she’s the one you’re going to have to call."
"Anderson . . . yeah, I remember her. She was present when the universes merged." He started to scan the article. "What’s it say she does?"
"It calls her a project leader, but
doesn’t say which project."
Jack swallowed some eggs. "Given the lid your side is keeping on the existence of my universe, she’s probably the one in charge of the Gate on this end."
Paula nodded and sipped some more coffee. "So what’s the plan?"
"The plan is–" Again, Jack felt dizzy and his world disappeared. When it reappeared, Paula’s place at the table had been cleaned up. She sat there, her face obscured by her newspaper.
"How long?" Jack asked, feeling weak and parched. He reached for a glass of orange juice and drained it.
Paula peered over her paper and checked her watch. "Forty minutes."
"You seem awfully casual about this."
She shrugged. "What could I have done? I figured if you didn’t reappear all day, I’d call the lab. About the only other thing I did was make sure not to sit in your chair."
They both smiled at that, and then Paula added, "But I was worried, in case you were wondering."
Jack finished eating while the two of them engaged in idle chatter. After he was done, Paula cleared his plates, sat down again, and said, "So."
"So."
"Do you want to call them now?"
Jack nodded. "But not from here. If they’ve been keeping the Gate a secret, I don’t want them to be able to trace you to me. You might get in trouble."
Paula laughed. "Oh, so the big man is going to protect me from danger! Save me, save me!"
Jack sighed. "I was being serious."
"So was I. Jack, I want to help you with this. But I can’t if you don’t let them know about me. Otherwise, there’s no way they’d let me in to communicate with you. And if I’m going to search for Daniel for you–"
He interrupted her. "But I thought–" Then he stopped.
"You thought what?"
Jack felt uncomfortable, and he shifted in his seat. "Well, from what you said last night, I thought you didn’t think I should bother looking for Daniel anymore. I didn’t realize you were volunteering to help me find him."
"So what did you think I wanted you to call the lab for?"
"Um, well, after you pointed out that I may not be able to stay here indefinitely, I was going to see if they had a way of–of stabilizing me, so I wouldn’t keep disappearing, and so I could keep looking."
She shook her head. "Jack, I really don’t think that’s the way to go about it. But if that’s how you want to play the game, we’ll play it your way."
Paula drove them to a pay phone a few blocks away, and waited in the air-conditioned cab of her truck while Jack stood in the heat and light of the late morning. He dialed the lab and asked to be connected with Dr. Anderson.
"Who is this, please?" the voice on the other end asked.
Jack paused, then gave his name.
There was an immediate click, and Dr. Anderson came on the line. Jack recognized her voice from two years ago. "Mr. Levinson! Thank God! Where are you?"
Jack didn’t want to be rude, but the phone call had to be on his terms. "Never mind that," he said. "We need to talk."
"Mr. Levinson, you need to get back over here right away. We–"
"No. Dr. Anderson, I’m not coming back."
There was a pause. "You don’t understand. You passed through the Gate at a crucial time of operation. Ever since you jumped over, the Gate has been going haywire. We’ve been trying to restabilize it, but it doesn’t want to cooperate. If you don’t come back, we may lose it
entirely."
"Dr. Anderson, quite honestly, I don’t care about the problems you’re having with your experiment. I’ve been having problems of my own."
"I can imagine. Listen to me. You don’t belong in this universe. If the two universes get separated, your home universe is going to try to drag you back into it. But without a working Gate, we don’t know where you’ll be dragged to. Probably some nonexistent in-between."
Jack swallowed hard. "I think I’ve already experienced it. And that’s my problem. I need to stay here in your universe for a while."
He could almost hear her shake her head. "That’s not possible."
"Oh, come on! You must have some way to allow me to stay here for an extended period of time. Maybe we can cut a deal."
"A deal? Mr. Levinson, you can’t cut a deal with the laws of physics. It’s not safe for you to stay here, and we don’t know how to make it safe."
"Look, I know people have gone through before–"
"What? Who told you that?" Dr. Anderson sounded stunned.
"Um, one of the technicians on the other side. He said that he’d been through many times."
Dr. Anderson laughed, a frank laugh that bore no traces of deception. "He was kidding you. The Gate is dangerous, Mr. Levinson. We wouldn’t let people go through casually. In fact, you’re the first. The only things we pass through the Gate on a regular basis are radio waves. That’s how we communicate with the other side. We–we don’t want to set off another explosion." There was a pause. "I never got a chance to tell you how sorry I was, about your friend."
Suddenly Jack realized that Anderson felt real guilt over Daniel’s death. Not just guilt, but responsibility as well. It had been her collider, after all, which had leaked its antimatter beams into his universe.
"Thank you," he said.
"Jack, listen," she said, using his first name for the first time. "We’re just beginning to understand the Gate. If you come back and go home, we may be able to figure out how to allow safe passage for an extended period of time. But if you insist on staying here, you risk hurting not just the experiment, but yourself and the two universes as well. Please come back. I promise that no harm will come to you, and you’ll be able to pass freely back into Universe Two."
"I’ll call you back," Jack said, and hung up the phone.
"You’re going to have to go back," Paula said when he was finished.
"I guess so."
"You guess so? Jack, if you don’t go back, you’ll eventually disappear for good."
"Yeah, I know. But it still feels wrong."
"It’s not that bad, Jack."
"Yes, it is. I–I really needed to find Daniel."
"Why?" Paula said sharply.
"Huh?"
"‘Why?’ I asked. Why was it so important for you to find Daniel?"
"Because he’s my friend. I thought I explained that."
"Jack, there’s got to be more to it than that. People lose their friends all the time. But life goes on."
"It didn’t for Daniel."
"Well, it doesn’t seem to have gone on for you either." Jack winced, and Paula said, "Sorry. But it is true. Isn’t it?"
Slowly, Jack began to nod. "It’s true." He looked around the room for a moment, and let his gaze settle on the bookcase. "I–I feel old. I keep thinking I should still be a high school senior, or that I’ve just graduated from college, when it’s really been over five years. I have this mental image of myself that I know intellectually is untrue, but I can’t shake it. Every time I realize where I really am, how old I really am, I get scared."
"You’re too young for that. We both are."
"I can’t help the way I feel."
Paula shook her head. "You know what your problem is? You never faced death before."
"That’s not true. I had a pet mouse once who died." Even as he said it, Jack realized how silly it sounded.
"Do you really think that’s the same?" She put her hand on Jack’s shoulder. "My father died when I was a senior in college. About seven years ago."
Jack turned back to look at her. "Oh. I’m sorry."
"Thanks. And I have to admit, if I knew that he still might exist, somewhere, I might have gone looking for him, just like you did. But I didn’t have that option. No one really does. So I got on with my life."
She paused momentarily, then continued. "Jack, like the rest of us, you didn’t want to deal with it, you didn’t want to accept it. That’s OK. But unlike the rest of the world, you had a rather bizarre way of not dealing with it. You were able to hold onto a strange hope that no one else would ever have thought of. You went looking for your friend in, God help us, another universe."
"But I didn’t find him."
"But we still may. Look, I’ll take you to the lab. We’ll let them know I’m searching for Daniel on your behalf."
"You’ll keep looking for him?"
She nodded. "I will. We’ll get those stuffy scientists to help out, or else I’ll threaten to tell someone. I’m sure they’ll let us stay in touch, so I can keep you informed." She smiled, and they stood up. They stared at each other for a moment, then embraced and kissed.
After they had disengaged, Paula said, "Jack, from what you told me, Daniel was an impulsive, fun-loving person, right?"
"Yeah, he was."
"Well, he would have loved what you did these past few days."
Jack flashed a grin. "He would have, wouldn’t he?"
Paula nodded. "And not just because, in your own way, you were trying to rescue him. But because of the way you did it."
"I guess Daniel’s not that far away from me after all."
"No, he’s not."
"But, if you do ever find him–"
"I’ll let you know."
As they headed out her apartment door, Jack said, "Don’t let me forget my bike," and he smiled.
She smiled back. "Don’t worry, I won’t."
Jack returned to his home Universe that afternoon.
The house seemed to be the correct one. He climbed the steps and rang the bell. In a moment, the door opened, and there was Rachel, holding a baby in the crook of her left arm. She looked puzzled for a moment, then her face lit up.
"Oh my God! Jack! Is it really you?"
Jack nodded. "Yes, it’s me."
"It’s great to see you! Come in, come in!"
Jack entered the house and looked around. The door opened onto a living room, in which sat a large piano, a sofa, and a desk. On either side of the desk were bookshelves, set into the walls, and Jack spotted their old high school yearbook sitting on one of the shelves.
"Why didn’t you call me to tell me you’d be coming to visit? What’s up with your life? What’s going on?"
Jack looked around, and he felt the picture of Daniel in his pocket. "I’m back," he said. "I’m finally back."
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