"Costikyan, Greg - Cups and Sorcery 02 - One Quest, Hold the Dragons" - читать интересную книгу автора (Costikyan Greg)
One Quest, Hold the Dragons
The reluctant heroes of Another Day, Another Dungeon are at it again!
Cast of Characters
OUR HEROES
Timaeus d'Asperge, Magister Igniti
Sidney Stollitt, of the firm of Stollitt & Pratchitt
Nick Pratchitt, likewise
Kraki Kronarsson, descendant of Gostorn Gaptoothйd, Mighty Pie-Eater
Jasper de Mobray, Magister Mentis
Vincianus Polymage, absent more often than not
Frer Mortise, adept of Deeset
BIDDLEBOURGEOIS
Barthold, Baron Biddleburg
Bertnam, his heir, Magister Aeris
Broderick, regent, Barthold's younger brother
Captain Slentz, of the castle guard
Beatrice of the Band, rebel and love interest
Mr. Bates, the butler
Mistress Mabel, of the International Amalgamated Sisterhood of Witches & Allied Trades
Master Woodsley, a yeoman
Marek and Gaston, soldiers
Master Gorham, a stonewright and rebel sympathizer
HAMSTERIANS
Lotte, an innkeeper
Pablo von Kremnitz, Leftenant, Mayoral Foot Guard
Hamish Siebert, Lord Mayor of the Most Serene Republic of Hamsterburg
Guismundo Stantz, "The Spider," Minister of Internal Serenity
Renйe Wolfe, his best agent, Magistra Umbrae
Gerlad, Graf von Grentz, patriarch of the gens von Grentz and a leader of the Accommodationists
Julio von Krautz, patriarch of the gens von Krautz and ineffectual conservative
Fenstermann, the reluctant torturer
Mauro and Kevork, guisardieres
Stauer, master of the Pension Scholari
Agent G, of the Ministry of Internal Serenity, seventh in a strictly limited series
Chad, a troll
Millicent, Egbert and Rutherford, house guests of the Graf von Grentz
Magistra Rottwald and Serjeant Kunz, lackeys of von Grentz
ALSO
Beliel, an elf
HOLD THE DRAGONS
Timaeus d'Asperge stood unsteadily before his parlor window, snifter of
brandy cradled in one hand and meerschaum in the other. Out there, a cold, late-winter
rain gave a glossy patina to the cobblestones and stoops. Wind pattered rain against the
window, hard enough to rattle the panes. He shivered, though the coals were heaped high in
the grate and the room was warm enough to be uncomfortable to anyone who wasn't a fire
mage. He became suddenly aware that he was weaving on his feet, late hours and too much
brandy catching up with himand that the parlor windows extended to within a cubit of
the floor. If he were to lose his footing and pitch forward, he'd find himself cracking
his skull open on the slate flags of the sidewalk below. He began to contemplate retiring
to his bed, another dull day completed.
And they were dull days, he had to admit. He had his master's, he had
enough wealth to live comfortably the rest of his days, he had his clubs
and his companionsbut it didn't seem enough. He almost missed the adventurer's life,
the moments of blind terror and adversity; but the purpose of adventure was wealth, after
all, and he had that now, in sufficiency. Perhaps his father was right, he reflected; he
needed a wife, children, a life. Or perhaps he should return to the university, and pursue
a doctorate; heaven knew what he would do with another degree, but the pursuit of one
would give him at least the illusion of purpose.
Sighing, he set down his drinktossing it off would only render
him more inebriate, something he really didn't needand put one hand on the window
frame, to brace himself as he took a last look out into the cold, wet dark before going to
bed. There was something reassuring about the fury of the weather; something that said
that the world of nature continued oblivious to the works of man, that human strife was
immaterial; something that said
"Boodabooodaboodabooda!"
A horrible white apparition sucked up against the glass of the window,
face smeared against the pane, body sprawled askew. A creature of the night, an undead, a
vile shapechangerTimaeus leapt back in alarm, pipe flying. He shouted the Words of a
spell
"Heh heh," chuckled the apparition through the window.
"Gotcha."
It was, Timaeus realized disgustedly, some decrepit wino, some filthy
beggar who had crept up the stoop and flung himself against the adjoining parlor window.
Timaeus stormed into the hall and flung open the door, to give the bum a piece of his
mind
Rain crashed into cobbles. Water plastered the old man's white hair to
his skull; he smirked toothlessly at Timaeus. "Gotcha, Timmy," he said.
"Vic," said Timaeus resignedly. "What the devil are you
doing out on a night like this?"
"Need to talk with you, Timmy," said Vic.
"Don't call me Timmy, by Dion," said Timaeus. "No one's
called me Timmy in fifteen years. Come in, come in; you must be chilled unto death."
"Nope," said Vincianus, coming in. "Reshishtance to
cold. Eashy enough shpell."
Timaeus held open the door as Vic entered, and got a whiff of the old
man. "I say, Vic," he said, "when did you last bathe?"
Vic came in, levered himself arthritically onto the settee, and
snatched Timaeus's snifter, the contents of which he gulped greedily down. "Let'sh
shee," he said. "The Third Interregnum, wash it? No, I dishtinctly recall a bath
during the War of the Liliesh. Or, wait; didn't I shower in"
"Never mind," said Timaeus, yanking on the bellpull.
"More brandy?"
"Never turn that down," said Vic.
By the time Vic was on his third snifter, Reginald appeared at the door
to the hall, yawning and tying the belt to his robe. "Yes, sir?" he inquired.
"Sorry to wake you, Reginald," said Timaeus apologetically,
"but we have an unexpected guest. Could you draw Vincianus a bath?"
Reginald gave Vic a glare of undisguised loathing. "Certainly,
sir," he said distantly. "This way, if you will."
By the time Reginald returned, with a well-scrubbed and faintly
rebellious Vic, Timaeus was snoring soundly on the settee.
"By crumb!" roared Kraki. "You have the temerity to ask
Kraki, son of Kronar, for a raise? You effete civilized putz, I spit on you!"
"See here, mate," said the clerk defensively, "I'm your
best salesman, I am. How many blades have I sold in the last fiscal quarter?"
"Folk buy swords from Kraki because Kraki have best swords,"
shouted the barbarian. "Not because puling pantyvaist inveigle them! Out of my
shop!"
"You can't fire me, you lout!" shouted the clerk. "I
quit! And much luck to you, I don't think!"
"Bah!" shouted Kraki. "Get out! Before I smite you, hip
and thigh!"
Kraki glared through the plate glass into the morning sun. The clerk
marched down the street, out past the gilt letters that read "Fast Kraki's Flashing
Swords" and "Barbarian Blades Are Better!" The swine was his best salesman,
no doubt about it, but to ask for a raise! Was this the way of honor? Was this the way of
courage? He want a raise, he should demand it like a man, not wheedle like a puling babe!
Scum-sucking civilized turds, they were all alike.
The door tinkled as a customer entered. Some fop; in a faggotty hat and
hose. As he examined the blades in their brackets against the walls, the stacked daggers
and knives, he took snuff from the back of his hand. Kraki curled a lip.
"I say, my good man," said the customer. "Would you have
something in an йpйe."
"Йpйe, you catamite?" snarled Kraki. "I do not sell
such filth. Ve have honest, manly veapons here. Here, look at this claymore. Sixteen
pounds of hard-slung steel, fit to smash the pate of the fiercest foe, honed to a razor
edge."
"Err, yes," said the fop, "but I am rather in the market
for a duelist's weapon. I'm afraid this is just a tad too heavy"
"Too heavy?" said Kraki. "Too heavy for the likes of
you, belike. A hatpin, you vant; or perhaps a letter opener. Here." He handed the fop
a cheese knife. "This should do you. I vill not sell good steel to the likes of you.
Get out of my store."
"Well!" said the dandy. "I never!" And he left.
Kraki glowered out into the morning sun. It had seemed like a good
idea. Who knew weapons better than he? Would they not flock to buy their blades from
Kraki, son of Kronar? Barbarian chic would see to that. But it hadn't worked. You had to
write little numbers in books and do something mystical with them; they never came out
right. And the damned government wouldn't let you slay the accountants for the lying
cheats they were; by crumb, the Financial Accounting Standards Board would see some
changes, if he were king!
What would they think of him, back home? They would laugh at him,
that's what. Win a fortune by force of arms, and sink it all into some stinking shop. Ach,
what an idiot he was. He should build a pile with the skulls of his creditors, that's what
he should do, and ride off to slay dragons.
"And on the night of October the seventeenth, on or about the
eleventh hour of the clock," droned the prosecutor, "did you or did you not
forcibly enter the premises of one Johnson Merriweather the Third?"
"I did not," said Nick Pratchitt.
The prosecutor raised an eyebrow. "And yet," he said,
"we have heard the testimony of Officer Sams of the Town Guard, that he found you in
the guest bedroom closet in Mr. Merriweather's mansion after being summoned to the house
by Mr. Merriweather. Are you calling Officer Sams a liar?"
"No," said Nick. "But I didn't enter the house forcibly.
I was invited."
"I see," said the prosecutor, with heavy sarcasm. "You
were invited into the house as an honored guest, which is why, when Mr. Merriweather went
to investigate a noise that disturbed his repose, you found it necessary to secrete
yourself in a closet."
"Nonetheless," Nick insisted, "I was invited."
"And who," said the prosecutor, "invited you? A little
birdie?"
"Samantha," said Nick.
The prosecutor's jaw dropped. There were titters from the gallery.
"Mrs.Mrs. Merriweather?" he said.
"Uh huh," said Nick.
The prosecutor shot a look of black hatred at Mr. Merriweather, who had
evidently failed to alert him to the possibility that Nick's testimony might follow these
lines. "I see" he said in annoyance. "And why did Mrs. Merriweather invite
you inside at so late an hour?"
Nick gave him a wicked grin. "I prefer not to say," he said.
The prosecutor snorted. "Even if your chances of avoiding
conviction depend on your testimony?"
Nick glanced at the jury, and adopted an expression of false nobility.
"There are some things," he said, "that a gentleman does not discuss."
There were more titters from the gallery. Merriweather le mari looked
mortified.
The prosecutor whirled on the judge. "Your Honor," he said in a
long-suffering tone, "I ask for a short recess." The judge, a shrunken little
man in black robes several
sizes too large for him, roused himself from an apparent reverie, and
quavered, "Wherefore?"
"There are matters," said the prosecutor, "I must
discuss with the complainant."
"Granted," said the judge. "We shall reconvene in an
hour."
One of the women on the jury, a plump but not unattractive matron of at
least forty, gave Nick a hard stare. He winked at her, and smiled as she blushed from the
neckline up.
From far away came the sound of the monsoon. Somewhat closer, a cough
sounded; a panther in the jungle, that was it. A panther coughed, amid the dense foliage
of the"Excuse me, sir," said the panther. "Your bath is drawn and
ready."
Timaeus opened sleep-gummed eyes. Dwarves beat out magic blades inside
his skull. Reginald stood there, looking crow-like in black clothes.
"Dammit," croaked Timaeus, "what time is it?"
"Nearly eleven," said Reginald.
Timaeus closed his eyes. "Wake me at two, then, if you will."
"Ahem," said Reginald with determination. "Excuse me,
sir."
Timaeus opened one aching eye. "What is it?" he moaned.
"Your guest, sir," said Reginald.
"What guest?" said Timaeus.
"Vincianus Polymage, I believe he is called," said Reginald.
Timaeus recalled something dimly. "Yes," he said. "Let
him sleep, too."
"He has been up," said Reginald, "since six."
"All right," said Timaeus, sighing. "Keep him
entertained then, please." He closed his eyes.
"Ahem," said Reginald.
"What the devil is it?" snapped Timaeus, opening his eyes
again and instantly regretting having done so.
"Mr. Polymage has ensconced himself in the kitchen," said
Reginald, "where he has located all Cook's pans, and is in the process of preparing
cornmeal flapjacks."
"Yes, good for him," said Timaeus testily. "If he wants
to make himself pancakes, by all means let -w"
"He has been cooking pancakes since six this morning," said
Reginald. "We've been out four times for additional cornmeal."
Timaeus gazed wordlessly on his valet.
"He keeps on talking about `the Legion,' and muttering something
about `An army travels on its stomach.' `The boys will be hungry,' he says. I estimate we
currently have fifteen linear cubits of stacked flapjacks."
Timaeus groaned and sat up. After a moment, the urge to retch faded.
"All right, all right," he moaned. "I'll try to talk sense into him. In the
meantime, have the girl take the pancakes down to Father Thwaite's mission. No doubt they
can find some use for them."
"Very good, sir."
"Really, Priscilla," said Laura, long nails slicing fivefold
paths through the air in a gesture eloquent of disdain, "this notion of yours is
quite impossible."
"Look, Mom," said Sidney. "Figures don't lie. Roomnights
are down fifteen percent compared to last year's figures, the girls are idle four hours
out of every ten, our gross receipts are down by a third"
"I'm aware of the numbers," said Laura. "But"
"Aware of the numbers?" protested Sidney. "The hell you
are! You never look at the damned numbers! That's why you wound up in hock to the mob the
first time round. You"
"Priscilla, you are such a child, sometimes," said
Laura. "When one has been in the business as long as I, one develops an instinct for
these things. I'm aware that business is slow. With the war on, business is slow
everywhere; just one of those things, you know. We must carry on"
"It doesn't matter why business is down," said Sidney in a
dangerous tone. "What matters is, what are we going to do about it? How can it hurt
to advertise, to"
"To have pimps standing on every street corner, saying `Psst!
Wanna have a good time?' " said Laura contemptuously. "Madame Laura's is not
some disease-ridden neighborhood cathouse, my dear. We run a first-class bordello, and I
won't stoop"
"Ma!" said Sidney. "It's not like that! We're talking
about well-dressed gentlemen standing outside the betterclubs, handing out discreet
pasteboard cards. Cards, by the way, printed with an original etching by de Lauvient
"
"Avant-garde dauber," sneered Laura.
"A first-rate artist," said Sidney with determination.
"And the legend merely says, `Madame Laura's,' with the address. Of course it's
important to retain our reputation for discretion and exclusivity; of course we
wouldn't want to do anything downmarket, anything . . ."
"Dйclassй," supplied Laura.
"Anything dйclassй," said Sidney. "But we do need to
drum up some business, and"
"Next you'll have the girls standing out front and hiking up their
skirts," said Laura. "My dear, you must leave the business to more experienced
heads. Really, Priscilla"
"Stop calling me that!" shouted Sidney.
"Now, then, dear," said Laura. "If you're going to
scream at me, I refuse to continue this conversation"
"What conversation?" shouted Sidney. "We don't have
conversations! I propose ideas, you sneer at them, then you lecture me! That's your idea
of a conversation!"
"Darling, you might give some slight consideration to the notion
that perhaps I do have some idea what I'm doing," said Laura. "I have been
running this business for close to thirty years, you know."
"Running it into the ground, that's what you're doing,"
shouted Sidney, hurling the card samples onto Laura's desk and storming from the office.
The heavy wooden door slammed behind her. Why, oh why had she let
herself get dragged back into the business? She stamped down the richly carpeted hall,
past the rows of oaken doors with their brass numbers. Six was the only one occupied at
present, she noticed; faint moans came from within. One room out of twelve, on this floor.
"Slow" wasn't the word for business.
Well, it had been necessary to bail her mother out, hadn't it?
Couldn't leave her in hock to the elven gangsters. And that left Sidney with half
the family business; could she stand aloof and watch as her mother drove it into the
ground once more?
She'd run away from home once before. "Running away isn't the
answer," Father Thwaite had told her.
Well, then, she thought savagely, what is?
"Yes, yes, delicious, thank you, Vic," said Timaeus, not
entirely happily.
"Eat up, eat up, boyo," said Vic, slapping him on the back
and smiling broadly. "Can't march on an empty shtomach."
"Mmm," said Timaeus through a mouthful of pancake; it wasn't
half bad, actually. He reached for a cup of tea to wash it down. "Now, then; what was
it you wanted to talk to me about?"
Vic stared at him blankly. "Talk ... ?" he said. "What
wash your name, shonny?"
Timaeus sighed. "Timaeus d' Asperge, Vic," he said patiently.
"Remember? I found the statue of Stantius?"
Vic blinked. "Found the-wash it losht?" He frowned, and
mumbled puzzledly to himself.
Reginald entered, bearing a folded newspaper atop a silver tray.
"I thought you might want this, sir," he said, handing it to Timaeus.
"Special edition."
And it was. The Durfalian News-Gazette was a morning paper; it
was unusual for them to print an edition so late.
"ISH FALLS!" screamed the headline. Timaeus didn't think
he'd ever seen type quite so large.
Vic peered over his shoulder. "Ish fallsh!" he said
excitedly. "Orcsh are gonna be all over the Bibblian plain. Better get your ash in
gear, shonny."
"What do you mean?" asked Timaeus
"Get your damned companionsh together and get cracking on this
quesht, by cracky!" said Vic. "No more dillyfuddling around, or you're going to
wind up in shometroll'sh larder, that'sh what I shay. You and half the human race."
"Off on this quest thing, again, what?" said Timaeus tiredly.
"You know what the others say"
Vic smiled faintly. "Ashked 'em recently?" he said craftily.
"Maybe they've changed their mindsh. Like you have, eh, Timmy?"
Timaeus blinked. Had he? Taking Stantius to Arst-Kara-Morn still
sounded like suicide, did it not?
He looked at the headline. The gods, duty, and nation, what? A
comfortable life didn't look like it was in the cards. If he stayed here another few
months, he'd probably wind up drafted.
Yes, actually; perhaps he had changed his mind.
"We do not," said the majordomo freezingly, "permit
riffraff in the Millennium."
"Riffraff!" protested Nick. "What do you mean,
riffraff?"
"Please," said the majordomo. "I suppose you imagine
that, that thing you are wearing makes you appear to be a gentleman. The very
supposition marks you out as the most vulgar, gutter-dwelling"
"Ahem," coughed Timaeus. "He's with me."
The majordomo's jaw dropped. "Thisare you certain,
sir?" he said.
"Yes, I'm afraid so," said Timaeus apologetically. He could
see the wheels turn in the man's mind; no doubt within minutes it would be all over the
servants' quarters that Timaeus d' Asperge had problems with gambling debts. Certainly
Pratchitt looked every inch the racetrack tout.
"I thought these duds were first-class," Nick complained as
Timaeus guided him up the wide marble stairs. "Fellow in the shop said they were all
the rage."
"Really, Nick," said Timaeus. "Checked hose? And
your hat looks like an admiral's. Next time you want to buy something to impress
anyone other than your lowlife companions, do let me know. Or Sidney; she's had enough
exposure to"
"Don't talk to me about Sidney," Nick said. "She's still
mad at me for"
"There you are, Nick," said Sidney. She sat in an armchair by
a small teak table, wearing, in deference to the customs of the club, a modest black
dress. Jasper hung in the air nearby, while Vic sprawled back in his own armchair,
snoring. Reginald had managed to get Vic, at least, into suitable attire. "Glad to
see you're still out of jail," Sidney said.
"I ought to be, given my legal bills," said Nick. "You
can't believe what lawyers charge"
"If you'd stop cuckolding rich men," said Sidney, "you
wouldn't wind up in court so much."
"Yeah, I suppose," said Nick, "but the problem with
cuckolding poor men is they'd rather kill than sue you."
"You don't have to do either," said Sidney. "If you need
your ashes hauled, I can get you a very good deal."
"That's not the point," said Nick. "It's the chase
that's interesting, not the conclusion."
"Now, now," said Timaeus. "Let's not fight yet, shall
we? Where's Garni?"
"If you'd kept in touch," said Sidney freezingly, "you'd
know that he left for Dwarfheim months ago. Death in the family, or something."
"Errm, well, yes," said Timaeus, fumbling with his pipe.
"I have been rather preoccupied, haven't I?"
"No," said Nick. "You just didn't want to talk to
yourlowlife companions, wasn't that the phrase? Rather hobnob with"
"Well, I apologize if it seemed that way," said Timaeus.
"But"
"But nothing," said Sidney heatedly. "Nick's right.
You"
A crash sounded from the stairwell. "By all the gods!" came a
bellow. "Kraki, son of Kronar, goes vhere he vills!"
"Oop," said Timaeus, rising hastily. "Better go collect
Kraki, what?"
There was an awkward silence in his absence. Nick tried to catch the
eye of a waiterTimaeus could probably be induced to pay for the drinksbut they
seemed to evade his gaze with consummate ease. "So, Sidney," he said at last,
"how's business?"
"Terrible," she said. "And Mom's driving me nuts."
"That was predictable," said Nick.
"You're enjoying yourself, I suppose?" she said resentfully.
"Always wanted to be rich. Now you can spend every waking hour chasing"
"Actually," said Nick, "I'm pretty sick of it. I'm in
court all the time, I don't dare pull off a heist because I've got enough troubles, and
anyway, I don't need the money; I can only spend so much time at the track before I go
nutsyou know, a life of leisure is not all it's cracked up to be."
"Poor boy," said Sidney coldly. "What about you,
Jasper?"
"Actually, you know," said the green light, "I've been
quite enjoying myself. Joined up with some youngsters in a couple of little forays into
the Caverns; felt good to be on an expedition again. And those lads desperately need a
wiser head among them, I must say; not making adventurers like they used to. Either that,
or I've forgotten how much of an idiot I was when I first started out."
"You've taken up adventuring again?" said Sidney. "Why
would you risk your life like that? You don't need the money."
"True enough," said Jasper, "but business is down at the
shop, andyou know, I quite enjoyed our little run-in. When Timaeus asked me if I
wanted to join you in your venture, I"
"Venture?" said Sidney. "Oh, no-Vic's quest? Is that
what this is about?"
Timaeus approached with a glowering Kraki. "Ale, lackey!"
Kraki shouted at one of the waiters. "Bring it quick, by the gods, or you feel the
bite of barbarian steel!"
"Simmer down, Kraki," said Timaeus.
"You vant another shop?" Kraki said to Jasper. "I give
to you. Make very good deal."
"Very generous of you, to be sure," said Jasper,
"but"
"I ride for northland tomorrow," said Kraki. "Get out of
stinking city. Had enough."
"I thought you said you'd help Vic on his quest," Timaeus
said.
Kraki blinked. "Veil, sure," he said. "Good idea, test
mettle against all the forces of evil, for sure. But I thought all you pansies said no,
yah?"
"We're having a bit of a rethink," said Timaeus.
"You're having a bit of a rethink," said Nick. "Me,
I've got a court date at two o'clock. Throwing my young life away on some fool"
"You haven't seen the papers?" said Timaeus.
"Sure," said Nick. "The orcs have overrun Ishkabibble.
So?"
"Stay here, and you'll be drafted within the year. I guarantee
it," said Timaeus.
Nick contemplated that. "Probably," he said.
"But"
"Do you know what the casualty rate was on the Ish front?"
said Timaeus.
"Well," said Nick. "Yeah. But I can always cut out for
Far Moothlay, or"
"Good heavens!" said Jasper in astonishment. "I knew you
were a cautious fellow, young Pratchitt, but I had noidea you were a craven swine! When
the nation calls, will you not answer?"
"No," said Nick, "I won't."
Vic, who had woken up some time ago and had followed this exchange with
interest, began to speak Words of power. The others fell silent and watched him until he
was done. Vic pointed at Nick and spoke the final Words; a line of viridian energy
stretched from his finger toward Nick's crotch. "Better come along, shonny," he
cackled.
"Why?" said Nick.
"Or your thing' l1 fall off," said Vic.
"My"
"Yup," said Vic. There was silence for a long moment.
"Just promise me one thing," Nick said.
"What'sh that?" Vic asked.
"No dragons," said Nick. "All right? Is that too much to
ask? Orcs and trolls and basilisks, fine; goblins and wyverns and the gods know what-all,
jake by me. But leave out the dragons, okay?"
"What've you got againsht dragonsh?" demanded Vic. "Fine
traditional part of a quesht, dragonsh."
"I don't like dragons," said Nick. "I don't like
unicorns, either, but I'm just asking about dragons. All right? No dragons, or I
stay."
Vic shrugged. "Do my besht," he said. "Can't promishe
shome fool lizard won't shtick hish head where it oughtn't to be. But we aren't heading
into dragon country, anyway."
"All right," said Nick. "I'll come, then."
"That just leaves you, Sidney," said Timaeus. They all looked
at her; she looked rather uncomfortably back.
"What about Father Thwaite?" she said.
"I've already asked him," said Timaeus. "He's under
strict orders, apparently. I talked to the abbot, who seemed to appreciate the direness of
our task, but he refused to release Thwaite from his vows. Perhaps correctly; while it is
true that he's been on the wagon for some time, we cannot be confident of his sobriety
once he departs the monastery."
"And Garni's gone," said Sidney. "Oh, hell, I'll come.
If they're going to be drafting every man in sight, business is going to dry up
entirely."
"Suicide," moaned Nick.
"Buck up, man," said Jasper in disgust. "Are we not
heroes? Does not the right triumph?"
"No," said Nick, "and no. What about the statue? Every
wizard in the world will be able to track us as we travel; when we get to the Dark Lands,
we'll be snatched up instantly, like hors d'oeuvres on a tray."
"Have a little faith," said Vic. "I put a shpell on it.
Short of an invishibility to magic thing. Nobody'sh going to be detecting that shtatue, or
my name ishn't Polykarpush Magicush."
"Your name isn't Polykarpus Magicus," Timaeus pointed
out.
"Jusht hedging my betsh," said Vic.
"How very reassuring," said Timaeus.
"Shpeaking of hors d'oeuvreshthey have lobshter on the menu
here, Timmy? Didn't get to be two thoushand by shitting around waiting for lunch, by
cracky. Which way'sh the dining room?"
Part 1.
Omnia Vincit Amor
I.
Above the mountains shone a brilliant sun, casting its rays across an
azure sky. Green-clad slopes lifted upward to snowy peaks; the cool mountain air was
freshened with the scent of pine. Across the wilderness stretched a single road; and along
that road, upward into the mountains, came a merchant caravan, consisting of a single
wagon and outriders.
An observer-a bandit, say, lurking in the woods atop one of the many
rises cut through by the road-would have seen nothing amiss in the scene. There is
considerable trade up and down the road, for the Iscabalian Way is the most direct route
from Urf Durfal to Ishkabibble, and the Biddleburg Pass, toward which it rises, the most
convenient traverse across the Dzorzian Range. And the riders, diverse lot though they
were, were clad as merchants might be clad. Oh, not the bare-chested barbarian, to be
sure, but it was usual for merchants to hire guards of one kind or another, in these
unhappy times. Legend has it that, in the days of Imperium, an undefended lass bearing
armbands of gold, roped pearls, and showers of gems might have ridden from one end of the
land to the other without molestation; alas, whatever the truth of such tales, the modern
world is far less orderly. Merchants habitually travel with armed guardians.
It would have taken close inspection to shake the initial impression. A
keen eye might have seen that one of the riders rode quite adequately without a mount;
indeed, without corporeal existence whatsoever, as he consisted solely of a small point of
green light, flitting through the air at sufficient speed to remain abreast of the horses
of the others. Another of the merchants was a wizard of at least minor power, as he proved
by lighting his pipe with a spell-enveloping his head in flames in the process, to no ill
effect. And the sight of an ancient codger, snoring toothlessly at the rear of the wagon,
might have raised questions also; what purpose would merchants have in hauling a senile
old graybeard about?
It is well, therefore, that our observers, whatever their other
characteristics, were neither as keen-eyed nor as questioning as they might have been.
Fleecy clouds floated lazily across an azure sky. Mighty firs rose from
either side of the road, limbs stretching outward as if to catch the benison of the sun.
The air was cool, the breeze a gentle one. It was the sort of day that lifts the soul,
that seems to beckon one on to adventure. On such a day, it would take grim determination
to feel anything less than contentment.
Sidney Stollitt glowered distrustfully at the trees. Behind every curve
she expected an ambuscade. She, who walked the roughest streets of the city without fear,
felt utterly out of place in this bucolic wilderness. Her unease was merely sharpened by
the lightheartedness of her companions: No one was keeping a proper watch.
Kraki Kronarsson rode behind, chanting the sagas of his barbarian youth
to himself. Nick Pratchitt rode aboard thewagon, reins in his hand and idly speculating on
the likelihood that the mountains were inhabited by dragons. Vic, as usual, was sound
asleep, snoring into his scraggly white beard. And the mages, Timaeus and Jasper, rode
ahead, talking good-naturedly of nothing much.
"Amazing engineering, those Imperial chaps, what?" said
Timaeus about the stem of his pipe. Smoke curled into the pine-scented air. "I mean
to say, running a road into these mountains at a constant grade. Couldn't be done today, I
should think."
Jasper floated alongside, matching the speed of Timaeus's mount.
"Oh, I don't know," said the green spot of light. "Magical knowledge has
increased, if anything, since Imperial times."
"Nonsense," said Timaeus. The doctrine of decline from the
Golden Age was the fundament of all historical knowledge, or so he had been taught at
university; he was surprised that as educated a man as Jasper could hold so ill-informed
an opinion. "The works of the ancients vastly outshine anything accomplished in the
modern age."
Sidney grimaced, studying the road ahead. The grade might be constant,
but it was uphill; they were climbing into the mountains, whose white-capped peaks lifted
high on the horizon ahead. The horses pulled onward, smoothly but under some strain; they
would need to be rested soon. The road curved frequently, no doubt to maintain the grade;
there was no telling what might lurk behind the next twist or turn.
Far up the road and high into the mountains, Sidney could just barely
see the ramparts of Biddleburg Castle. With luck, they would reach it by nightfall. It was
wedged between two mountains, athwart the Iscabalian Way, the seat of Baron Biddleburg,
who ruled all the land for, say, half a day's ride from his castle. A petty domain, but
not a poor one; the geography conspired to let him impose a stiff tariff on the trade that
went up and down this road.
To either side of the Iscabalian Way was dense coniferous
forestpines, firs, and hemlocks. Sidney examined the woods mistrustfully. Bandits,
familiar with the land, could appear from the greenwood at any momentand melt away
once they had despoiled the caravan.
"I say," said Timaeus, "here's an example, up ahead. To
keep the road level, they had to cut through the hill. To reduce the rock to magma and
clear a path"
"Bosh,". said Jasper. "How typical for a fire mage to
propose an incendiary solution. Rather than melting your way through the rock, wouldn't it
be easier to cause the earth to subside?"
Yes, there was a road cut ahead. Cliffs, perhaps eight cubits in
height, rose to either side of the road. Atop the cliffs were trees. A perfect spot for an
ambush, Sidney thought unhappily. A foe would have the advantage of them, atop the cliff,
protected by the wood.... She rode up toward the two magicians.
"Cause the earth to subside?" said Timaeus indignantly.
"How the deuce does one cause the earth to subside? You seem to imagine that ordering
solid rock from place to place is as easy as squishing pureed vegetables with the flat of
a knife!"
"Perhaps it is," insisted Jasper, "if one is an earth
mage"
"Listen," interrupted Sidney, "we're riding along as if
we don't have a care in the world. For all we know, these woods are filled with bandits.
And that cliff up there is an ideal spot for an ambush. In fact, there are ideal spots for
ambushes about every three yards on this damn road"
"Don't be absurd, my dear," said Timaeus. "This is a
civilized area. I'm sure the road is well patroll"
Sssssh-TRUNK. A clothyard shaft protruded from the headboard of the
wagon, inches from Nick's ear. He had been cracking pecans, and froze in an attitude of
surprise, a handful of nuts halfway to his mouth.
"Stand as I bid ye, fellows, lest subsequent shafts find deadlier
mark," rang out a voicecuriously, the voice of awoman. And there on the cliff
above crouched a good dozen ruffians, unkempt as one might expect brigands to be, wearing
worn and patched clothing in green and brown. Each held a longbow, each with an arrow
nocked, each string drawn full back.
Sidney drew a ragged breath. Her sword was of no use; there was no way
to close with the highwaymen before they could shoot. "Timaeus!" she whispered
urgently, trying not to move her lips. "A fireball ..."
But he was ahead of her. He was chanting in a low voice, hands waving
over his head in a ritual gesture. One hand held his meerschaum pipe, which
went spinning off across the road to smash into the scree of
shale at the base of the cliff. "I say!" protested Timaeus, peering woundedly
toward it.
"No magic," quoth the female voice, "or the next shaft
shall pierce thy throat."
"Dash it all!" said Timaeus. "That's my best pipe!"
There was a scurry of motion from Kraki's direction. He was crouching
atop his horse, standing on the saddle; arrows shot toward him as he launched himself in a
mighty leap toward the cliff top, sword already drawn. Shafts whizzed past him as he
grabbed the cliff edge, scrambled over it, raised his sword
A quarterstaff smashed into the side of his head. He was propelled
groggily back over the cliff, bouncing off the shale and smashing into the road below.
A woman in forest green stood atop the cliff edge, quarterstaff in her
hands. Close-cropped hair shone brilliantly red in the afternoon sun. "That will be
all, I trust?" she inquired in an amused tone.
Sidney looked about. Kraki was sitting up, groaning and holding his
head. Timaeus chewed his lower lip unhappily. Sidney herself saw no point in resisting.
Nick was surveying the woman with a definite leer. Sidney gave a silent
snarl.
Where, she wondered, was Jasper? The green light had disappeared.
The woman dropped lightly to the roadbed, quarterstaff still in hand.
The line of bowmen remained atop the cliff, bows drawn, unmoving. "Good morrow,
gentles," the woman said cheerfully. "We'll take up donations, now, if you
will."
"Donations?" inquired Timaeus.
"Quite so, quite so," said she. "The poor groan under
the usurper's oppression. 'Tis our unhappy task to alleviate their plight by extracting
revenues from travelers. Your purse, now, and yarely, if you please."
"So the money you steal goes to the poor?" asked Nick
skeptically. "A coin or two doesn't stick to your fingers?"
"Certes," said the woman, giving him a smile. "How would
we live elsewise? Come, sir; your purse."
"Can I ask your name, doll?" said Nick.
She tossed her head, as if she were used to having longer hair.
"You are taxed," she said, "by Beatrice of the Band." With a dagger,
she cut Nick's purse loose from his belt, and pocketed it.
"Taxed?" sputtered Timaeus. "This is nothing but common
brigandage!"
"The hypocrisy of the aristocracy," Beatrice said
sardonically, as she lifted Timaeus's purse. "It is taxation when Broderick's men dig
up the meager grain a peasant stores against famine, or burn an entire village when coin
is not forthcoming-but brigandage when we take a little pelf for better cause. Come, our
taxation is lighter, and more just."
"A fancy excuse for stealing," said Sidney. She had nothing
much against theft, herself, but rather balked at such self-satisfied moralizing.
"Fancy or not," said Beatrice cheerfully, accepting Sidney's
purse. "Without divine sanction, temporal power is mere oppression."
"Who is this Broderick?" asked Timaeus. "I had thought
Baron Biddleburg's name was Barthold."
Beatrice looked at him more closely. "It is," she said.
"He is senile. His brother has taken the reins of power, curse him."
"And what of Bertram, the heir?"
"That twit?" said Beatrice with contempt. She had finished
collecting funds from the party. "We shall leave you with the contents of your wagon,
as the baron's men would be upon us before we could finish searching. And now, adieu."
With that, she ran to the cliff face, where one of the brigands had lowered a rope.
She hurled her quarterstaff upwardanother bandit caught itand clambered up the
rope with a monkey's agility.
And as quickly as they had come, the brigands were gone, fading away
into the woods.
There was silence for a moment. Timaeus dismounted and went to get his
pipe.
"Mighty adventurers we," said Sidney savagely, "unable
to repel a passel of backwoods banditti."
Kraki pulled himself up the side of the wagon. "Vhere is
vhisky?" he demanded. "My head hurts like devil."
Nick was still staring dreamily up at the cliff, a vague smile on his
face. "You," said Sidney, giving him a poke. "If you'd had the guts to back
Kraki up . . ."
"Oh, come, Sidney," said Timaeus, packing his pipe.
"We're lucky we didn't suffer worse."
A point of green light spiraled down from above their heads.
"Bracing, what?" said Jasper. "Nothing like a moment of mortal danger to
put a little spring in your step, eh?"
"And where the hell were you?" demanded Sidney.
"Oh, I was about, never fear," said Jasper. "Please be
so good as to check your purse, Miss Stollitt."
"My purse? Some hairy peasant is pawing through it at this
very"
Sidney realized that her right hand had touched the purse at her belt.
Slowly, she opened the drawstring, emptied the coins into her hand, and counted them. It
was all still there. "But I saw her take it," she said.
"Quite, quite," said Jasper in a self-satisfied tone.
"She saw it, too. Or thought she did."
The others had realized that they, too, retained their wealth. "I
say," said Timaeus admiringly, "how did you do that?"
"Oh, simple enough," said Jasper. "A mental suggestion
or two ... trivial, really. It seemed the easiest way to defuse the situation."
"Good work," said Sidney reluctantly. "But we'd better
get organized before they realize they've been taken and come back. I want you flying
overhead, Jasper, to warn us if anyone's waiting along the road. I want Nick to ride well
behind, to sneak up and help if we're caught again; and I want Kraki"
The barbarian groaned.
"Never mind," said Sidney.
Evening was nigh, the sun's rays slanting low from the west. Ahead, the
pass was blocked by the walls of Biddleburg, which protected both the castle itself and
the small town that clustered about it The road led toward a gatehouse, a grim stone
structure with arrow slits, allowing enfilade fire across the road, and a portcullis, now
raised but evidently ready to bar the way. The opening itself was large enough to admit
two carts abreast Two soldiers stood with axes, along with their serjeant, who looked
quite bored.
"I say," complained Jasper. "Is this charade really
necessary?"
"We've been over this before," said Sidney. "Rumors
about the statue are running rampant. Traveling incognito, while keeping Stantius hidden,
is our best hope of getting unmolested to Ish"
"Yes, yes, but see here," said Jasper. "If we approach
the castle as the noblemen we are"
"Some of us are," pointed out Nick, whose father had been a
riverboat sailor and whose mother had eked out a meager living as a washerwoman.
"Yes, but the point is, they'd gladly greet us as guests. Instead,
we shall be forced to flop in another louseinfested publick house"
"Stop whining," said Sidney. "Don't lice have minds?
You're supposed to be a wizard of the mental arts; tell them to leave you alone."
"It's"
"Enough of this," said Nick. "They'll overhear us.
Merchants all, remember, now."
And it was indeed so; they were within hailing distance of the guards.
Jasper zipped into the wagonthey wished to avoid explaining the wizard's peculiar
appearance-and Nick, who had the reins, brought the wagon to a halt upon the serjeant's
signal.
"Name," said the serjeant in a bored tone.
"Nicholas Frauenstein," said Nick. "Of Frauenstein et
Frиes. Merchants and purveyors."
"Right," said the serjeant. "Commercial business?"
"Yes," said Nick.
"Cargo?"
"Carpets and housewares," said Nick. "Bound for
Hamsterburg."
"Righto," said the serjeant. "Bring her in the gates,
and we'll have a look. You'll have a bill of lading?"
"Yes, of course," said Nick, a little annoyed. He hadn't
anticipated a search, but geed up the horses, and moved them at a slow walk within the
gates. The rest of the party followed with their mounts. "Can you give me an estimate
of the toll?"
The serjeant looked up from a sheaf of papers, on which he was making a
note. "Sixpence a person, extra penny per mount. Ten percent tariff on estimated
cargo value."
Nick choked. "Ye gods," he protested, "that's awfully
steep!"
The serjeant gave him a nasty smile. "Don't like it, take your
wagon over the mountains, me lad."
As soldiers opened the flaps enclosing the wagon's cargo, Nick studied
the sheer slopes flanking Biddleburg town. You'd have to be a mountain goat to climb them,
he thought; they were bare rock, the slope approaching vertical in places. Scant chance
that an irate merchant, incensed by the tariff, would find an alternate path.
"Who's the old duffer?" asked a soldier.
Vic was sitting up in the rear of the wagon, blinking sleepily at the
searchers. "What'sh going on?" he demanded querulously. Sidney left her horse in
Kraki's care and helped the old man out, guiding him to where the others stood. Soldiers
began to haul rugs out and unroll them beside the road, to ease appraisal.
"Look here," said Nick to the serjeant. "Is this really
necessary? I mean, this search." Jasper could probably take care of himself, but the
gods forbid they should find the compartment where the statue of Stantius was stored.
"Standard procedure," said the serjeant, turning over the
corner of a carpet to examine the degree of wear to the backing.
"Ah, perhaps an exception to standards might be in order?"
said Nick. "One might be prepared to extend a gratuity . . ."
The serjeant chortled happily. "Attempted bribery," he said.
"Another ten shillings to .your toll, boyo."
Nick scowled and went to join the others. "I'm beginning to think
I prefer bandits," said Sidney.
"Stiff-necked bastards," said Nick.
"Vhy not let me kill them?" said Kraki.
"Good plan," said Sidney sarcastically, giving his skull a
sharp rap.
"Stop that!" said Kraki, wincingbut he took her point.
He was not in any shape for combat.
Vic was blinking a little sleepily in the daylight. "Kill?"
he said. "Kill who?"
"We'll survive," said Timaeus resignedly. "It's only
money, after all. And then, down into the valley"
"Only money!" said Nick. "What do you mean,
only"
"Whatcher say, serjeant?" inquired a soldier, examining a
gaily patterned Nokhena. "Think it's worth a hunnerd quid?" He had unrolled the
rug to examine it more closely. "Call it two," said the serjeant, giving Nick a
nasty glance and a grin.
"Two hundred pounds!" said Nick. "I bought that
wholesale for"
"Hallo, Serjeant Jenks," said a voice. "What's all this,
what, what? Shaking down another greasy merchant?"
It was a young man, dressed in hose and a waistcoat of surprisingly
stylish cutsurprising, given how remote Biddleburg was from the centers of civilized
life. He seemed fit, cheery, and obviously of the nobility, given his clear anticipation
of deference from the soldiers; despite a prominent overbite, he struck Sidney as quite
handsome.
"Yes, Sir Bertram," said Jenks.
The young man surveyed the company. "Further contributions to the
exchequer are never amisshallo." He started a bit, and peered closer. "I
say, hallo, d'Asperge. What brings you to these parts?"
Timaeus, who had been doing his best to disappear behind Kraki,
straightened up and sighed. "Hallo, Bertie," he said. "Pip of a day,
what?"
"The sun doth shine and the birds do play, you mean? Yes, yes,
quite. I say, Jenks, pack up all this trash, will you? And send it up to the castle. Why
didn't you write to tell me you were coming, Timaeus, old man? We'd have broken out the
old fatted calf."
II.
They sat in an enormous room that might have been the great hall of a
lesser castle, but was here only one sitting room among many. At one end, a fire roared in
a vast fireplace. Banners and tapestries hung from the walls, the floor was carpeted with
rugs that compared favorably with the ones that lay in their own wagon, and heavy
furniture was scattered in conversational groupings. They had all been assigned rooms down
the hall, and this was a convenient place to gather.
"An old school chum?" said Sidney. "Why didn't you tell
us Baron Biddleburg's heir was an old school chum?"
Timaeus puffed a little embarrassedly on his pipe. "Well, it
didn't seem relevant, really," he said. "I mean, here we are; and we'll have to
stay at least a couple of days, you know. Only polite. I had hoped we could simply pay the
toll and continue on our way."
"Well, at least we'll save some money," said Nick.
"I must say," Jasper said, "you really might have
toldus, old man. That is, it should have been our collective decision whether or not to
approach young Sir Bertram. For myself, a night or two of rest in decent accommodations is
all to the good; surely our quest is not so urgent as all that."
Vincianus was peering querulously about. "Quesht?" he
quavered. "Where are we?"
"Biddleburg Castle, Vic," said Nick soothingly.
"Biddleburg, Biddleburg," said Vic. "Ushed to have quite
a shellar. When'sh dinner?"
Timaeus had spotted a liveried servant approaching. "Rather soon,
I believe."
"Good evening, ladies, gentlemen," said the servant.
"Sir Bertram has asked that you join him in the Great Hall for an apйritif."
Three men awaited them at the far end of the Great Hall. There was
Bertram, resplendent in gold doublet and hose. To his left, an elderly man sat in an
armchair, a brass-knobbed walking stick in one liver-spotted hand. To Bertram's right
stood a man of late middle age, wearing a blue velvet doublet and a silver chain, weary
blue eyes above a salt-and-pepper beard.
Bertram bent over the old man. "This is Timaeus d'Asperge,
Pater," he said. "We were at university together. My father, Barthold, Baron
Biddleburg."
"Glad to meet you, sir," said Timaeus.
"Nnnn-nnnn-nnnn," said the old man. "Nnnnn."
"Sorry about that," said Bertram apologetically. "Since
Pater's seizure . . ." He shrugged. "And my uncle, Sir Broderick."
"How do you do," said Timaeus, shaking Broderick's hand.
Broderick peered at Timaeus rather sharply, as if he had heard the name
before, and possibly not in a positive context. "Timaeus d'Asperge, eh?" he
said. "And your companions?"
"Ah, Sir Jasper de Mobray," said Timaeus. The green light
bobbed in midair. "Kraki Kronarsson, of the north."
"Vhen do ve eat?"
"Patience," said Timaeus. "Sidney Stollitt and Nicholas
Pratchitt." They alternately curtsied and bowed, Sidney feeling quite out of place in
the gown the servants had laid out for her. "And Vincianus Polymage, of the White
Council."
Vic had been peering about confusedly, but looked up at his name.
"Eh?" he said. "What'sh that?"
Broderick's eyebrows shot up at Vincianus's name. "Greetings
all," he said. "And welcome to Castle Biddleburg. Please accept my apologies,
but there is a matter I must attend to immediately." And he bustled away.
"Ah, there's Uncle Broderick for you," said Bertram.
"Always bustling about on important business. Whisky, anyone? Or a glass of
wine?"
The makings stood by on a sideboard, and two servants had appeared to
do the honors.
"You got shome of the Shang du Dйmon?" asked Vincianus.
Bertram inclined his head respectfully. "Yes, of course. Delbert,
the '88, I think."
"Very good, sir," said one of the servants, and whisked off
to the cellars.
The others settled for Moothlayan whisky or, in Jasper's case, for the
Dzorzian sherry that stood on the sideboard. "Broderick's been a great help,"
Bertram said. "Really rallied round after Pater's seizure. Don't know what I'd do
without him."
"One gets the impression he's running the barony virtually
unaided," said Timaeus, slightly censoriously.
"Well, yes, but dash it, Tim, you know I was never any good at
sums and such. I'm just not cut out to be the wiseand benevolent lord. Broderick enjoys
the work, and he can have it, as far as I'm concerned. Personally, I'd be off for Urf
Durfal or Hamsterburg in an instant, if he didn't need me here as a figurehead."
"So he's a stand-up guy, as far as you're concerned?" asked
Nick.
"Well, yes, rather," said Bertram.
"Doesn't seem to be the general opinion," said Nick.
"Ow!" Sidney had kicked him in the shin.
"Shut up," she said, low and urgent.
"I say, what do you mean?" said Bertram.
"Ah, we had a bit of an encounter on the road," admitted
Timaeus.
"Mm?" said Bertram, taking a sip of his whisky.
"With a group of bandits," said Jasper. "Most
extraordinary group, oddest justification for thievery I've ever heard, and led by a
woman. Beatrice, I think she called herself."
Bertram looked up from his whisky. "Beatrice?" he said
thoughtfully. "I knew a Beatrice, once." He looked briefly pensive-not his usual
mood, it seemed to Sidney. "Lovely gel," he said almost to himself.
The table was a long affair that looked as though it could seat a
hundred, as perhaps it did on occasion. They seemed to be the only guests at Biddleburg
Castle, for they, the baron's immediate family, and a man of soldierly bearing introduced
as Captain Blentz were the only ones at table. They were seated together at one end, while
the other extended off, an infinity of linen and candelabra, toward a vast hearth, where
some great beasta whole steer, or perhaps a doewas roasting on a spit. A small
boy wound a crank to keep the spit turning.
Three footmen bustled about, seating the party, holding chairs, and
waving out napkins. Two silver wine buckets stood by the table, filled with ice and
bottles. Sidney was impressed; ice was expensive. Although, she realized, here in the cool
mountains it was probably easier to store ice through the summer than in the hotter
lowlands.
There were three forks, three knives, two spoons, three glasses, and
four plates at Sidney's place. Nick surveyed this collection of silverware and china and
looked nervously at Sidney. "Outside in," she whispered at him; that was the
rule her mother had taught her, and while her mother had just enough etiquette to be
considered vulgarly nouveau, it was at least more than Sidney herself possessed.
Nick nodded with comprehensionstart with the outermost utensils and work your way
in, a clear enough principlebut puzzled over the butter knife, which lay above the
largest plate: Did it come before, after, or in between the two knives to the right of the
plates?
Kraki grabbed his water glass, poured its contents into his gullet in a
single motion, gulped the water, and crunched on the ice. Sleet spattered everywhere. He
seemed disgruntled to realize that his quaff had not been alcoholic. One of the servants,
apparently divining this, took a bottle from one of the wine buckets and presented it to
Kraki, holding it so that the barbarian might read the label. "Some wine, sir?"
he inquired. "A white Linfalian, quite dry"
Kraki said, "Yah, good," grabbed the bottle, and put it to
his lips. Several large swallows later, he put it down with a slam on the table before
him, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and gave a belch. Realizing by the
servant's expression that some breach of etiquette had occurred, he added,
"Ahthank you."
"Not at all," murmured the ashen servant, moving away.
A butler whose ruddy jowls, frozen expression, and vast expanse of
waistcoat indicated servile dignity fossilized through years of service held out a large
silver platter to Sidney's right. With a flourish, a footman whisked off the cover to
reveal a broiled fish, dotted with slivered almonds. "Troot Omondine, marss?"
inquired the butler; it took Sidney a moment to translate this as "Trout Almondine,
miss?" She had heard the same accent in the speech of the other servants here at the
castle, and more faintly in that of Beatrice, and had tagged it as common to this region;
but in the butler, the accent approached the impenetrable. "Uh, please," she
said.
The footman deftly removed a smallish section of trout, laid it
precisely at the center of the smallest plate in the pile of three in front of Sidney,
arranged three overlapping slices of lemon to the trout's right, and placed a small dish
of brown butter below the lemon.
She waited as the other members of her group were served; apparently,
guests came before family. Nick was served; then Timaeus; then Kraki. Sidney closed her
eyes, expecting some unforgivable crudity, but Kraki merely waved the fish away with a
grimace of distaste.
"I do hope you'll be staying with us for a few days," said
Uncle Broderick as Baron Barthold was served. A footman tied a napkin about the old man's
neck while another deftly sliced his section of trout into small pieces, carefully
removing the bones. The baron was the last to be served, and everyone tucked in. "I'm
afraid that young Bertram is somewhat insensible to the many charms of our mountain
realm," Broderick continued, "and no doubt would enjoy the companionship of ones
lately from more settled lands. Too, the villagers will be holding the Feast of Grimaeus,
our most colorful local celebration, the day after tomorrow, and you may find it of some
passing amusement." While Broderick spoke, Baron Barthold had been attempting to eat
his fish; one palsied hand held a fork, the other a silver pusher. He would painstakingly
push a piece of fish onto the fork, then raise it, hand fluttering like a leaf in a gale,
an expression of intense concentration on his face, toward his mouth. More often than not,
the fish would fly off at an unexpected angle across the room, generally to land on the
slate flags of the chamber floor, but at least once to hit Nick on the nose. He
diplomatically picked the fish off his face and deposited it in his napkin.
Timaeus swallowed hastily and cleared his throat. "Well, aherrrm,
as it happens, ah, it seems that we're, ah, expected in Hamsterburg. Quite soon. While
it's wonderful to see you again, Bertram, old son, I'm afraid that the fortunes of war,
pressure of business, you know the sort of thing . . . " He was floundering, and was
evidently relieved when Jasper interrupted.
"Very rude of us, to be sure," said Jasper. The green light
bobbed over his chair; occasionally, a glass of wine would tilt back and the level of
liquid drop, or a fork bob through space bearing a load of fish, which would abruptly
disappear. "And it is very kind of you to take us in on such short notice. Still, I
fear we must take our leave on the morrow. If there's any way we can repay your
hospitality ... "
"No, no, no, no," said Broderick hastily, obviously annoyed.
"Hospitality is, er, hospitality, after all; there shall be no thought of repayment,
of course, none, no, no. Might one inquire as to the nature of this pressing
business?"
Momentary looks of panic were exchanged across the table; their agreed
story, that they were merchants, would obviously not do. Several began to talk at once.
"Ah-carpets and housewares for, uh, the war effort"
said Nick.
"We carry diplomatic papers from the Foreign Ministry
of" said Jasper.
"plan to join in the defense of the Petty States"
said Timaeus.
They fell still in confusion.
"I see," said Broderick in an amused tone. There was an
embarrassed silence for a moment. Sidney kicked Nick under the table; carpets and
housewares for the war effort, indeed! He gave her an injured glare. The servants
wereclearing away the fish dishes and silverware now; Timaeus hid his embarrassment by
turning away to hand his dish over.
"Uncle, Timaeus tells me that his group had a bit of a run-in with
our local banditti," said Bertram, breaking the silence.
"Oh?" said Broderick, eyebrows shooting skyward. "Egad,
they're getting bolder by the day."
"Fear not, milord," said red-faced Captain Blentz, hitherto
silent. By his speech, he was obviously more than half soused. "We'll flush the
blighters out."
"Yes, yes," said Broderick thoughtfully. "I hope you
didn't suffer at their hands?"
"No," said Timaeus, "we came out of it"
"Apparently, their leader is a woman by the name of
Beatrice," interrupted Bertram.
"Ah?" said Broderick, eyeing Bertram; it seemed to Sidney
that this was no news to Broderick.
"You don't suppose that could possibly be the daughter of Sir
Benton of Bainbridge?" inquired Bertram.
"That traitor?" snapped Broderick. "It was a fine day
indeed when he was broken on the wh" He interrupted himself with a cough,
realizing abruptly that this was not appropriate dinner conversation. "A rebel,"
he explained. "Rose in arms against my brother the baron. We were forced to give him
justice."
Sidney looked at the baron, who looked back with haunted eyes, a sliver
of fish adhering to his lower lip. "Nnnn-nnn-nnn," he said.
"Terrible, terrible," murmured Jasper.
"Decadent times," said Timaeus soothingly. The footmen had
reappeared with an enormous wooden bowl containing mixed fresh greens, along with a silver
ewer containing a dressing, and a cubits-long pepper grinder.
"But his daughter . . ." said Bertram.
"I'd heard she had entered a religious order," said
Broderick.
"Wouldn't she inherit ... ?" asked Bertram. The butler
grandly scooped up a substantial helping of the salad and plopped it on Sidney's plate,
while a footman prepared to dish out the dressing and another refreshed her wine.
"No, no," said Broderick. "We have a salian law here,
you know that. Besides, the man was a traitor; the estate reverts to the barony." He
gave a wolfish grin.
"Ah," said Bertram. "Still, it seems an odd coincidence;
both called Beatrice, both with red hair"
"It would reflect poorly on us if you were beset by bandits
again," said Broderick to Timaeus, hastily changing the subject. "Under the
circumstances, I must insist that you accept an escort until you reach the border of the
barony."
"An escort?" said Timaeus, a little surprised. "Well, of
course. Why not?"
The salad crew had reached Kraki's place. "Pah," said Kraki,
spitting on the floor. "Is for rabbits. Don't you have any food fit for a man?"
The butler was obviously a bit unsettled, but merely motioned the servants to the next
place around the table.
"Oh, I say, never fear, old man," said Bertram comfortingly.
"There's roast greep for entrйe."
"Greep," said Kraki with disgust. "Ach, more fish."
"Fish?" said Bertram, goggling. "What do you mean,
fish?"
"Oh, heavens," groaned Timaeus. "Not another"
"Fish?" said Broderick, sitting bolt upright at the head of
the table. "Ye gods, barbarian, where did you get the notion that greep are fish? No,
no far from it; the greep is the noblest of animals, a full-antlered beast larger even
than the moose of which we hear tell. Well do I know thatmighty creature, for it abounds
in the crags and pinnacles of our mountainous domain . . ."
GREEP ROTI
It is wary prey; some say the mighty greep is smarter even than a man,
and who am I to gainsay them? For I have hunted the greep for forty years, man and boy;
pursuing that monstrous animal through woods and over mountains, in fair weather, sleet,
and snow. And ofttimes, I have returned empty-handed, for the greep is a wily foe, and
only the wiliest of hunters may bring it low.
Shall I tell you of the first time I slew the greep? ["Well,
actually, " interjected Jasper, but Broderick was not to be dissuaded from telling
his tale.] It was forty years ago, when I, a stripling of sixteen, set out in dead of
winter, the wind near enough to freeze a man to the marrow. "Egad, Broderick,"
my father said, "you are mad, to venture forth on such a day."
It was not madness, but youth. It was my fancy to pit myself against
the worst that nature could offer, the starkest cold of all. I swaddled myself full and
deep, draped a cloth about my mouth to shelter my lungs from at least the cold's sharpest
bite, and took my longbow from the armory. For though it is a yeoman's weapon, I have
trained in it from infancy, at my father's behest.
I went forth on snowshoes, lunging with a will over the crisp white
that blanketed the land. After some time, I climbed a rise, reached its peakand saw,
in the streambed below, a monstrous greep, full seven points, the noble head gnawing at
the bark of a tree. There is little sustenance for the greep kind, in the dead of winter;
they must forage where they may, and mayhap the bark of a tree was all the nourishment it
had found, that bitter day.
Instantly, I went to earthor to snow, if you will. Stealthily, I
reached over my back, toward the bow which, strung, I had slung over my shoulder
But I got no further than that, for with a snort, divining the presence
of a foe, the greep looked up, and looked directly to me with curiously sapient eyes. It
bounded, and away.
I rose again to my snowshoes, and lunged after.
'Tis said that a man has the stamina to outrun any beast, and mayhap
that is so, on a level plain, in fair weather; but we struggled up and down mountain peaks
in the deadliest frost of deep winter. I had no faith that I would be victorious over the
greep; but I was young enough to wish victory with peculiar fierceness. I could see the
hoof-prints of the greep before me, the strange, semicircular indentations of its splayed
toes, toes that gave it traction even in deep snow. I followed the prints relentlessly.
I came to a stream, running quickly enough that only a thin layer of
ice sheltered its waters from the cold; quickly enough that no snow lay atop the ice. And
here, the greep had followed the stream, taking to water in desperation.
Which way had it gone? A frightened beast would flee downstream, the
easy path; but upstream of me, a twig was bent, and the ice was broken, and a branch was
missing its load of snow. I was not deceived. I turned uphill, and labored on.
And upward, and upward. Soon, the trees were thinned out, becoming
scraggly, and I recognized that I was nearing the timberline
I saw the greep! The flit of a white tail, lean brown legs leaping
through snow. Seemingly, it had waited here, to see if I should venture this far-and,
spotting me, had dashed away once more.
I cursed; my bow was over my shoulder still, and I had missed perhaps
my only chance. I took my bow in my hands-awkward, you see, to walk in snowshoes, the
swinging of the arms constrained by a weaponand strode onward.
It had been cold by my father's stead; here, a thousandcubits upward,
it was colder still. I had accounted bitter wind by my father's house; here, it was the
very whip of demons, lashing out across the bare countryside. From the Dzorzian Range
eastward, there is no mountain of equivalent height until you come to Oceanus. A thousand
miles and more, that wind raged across the continent, until it battered itself against the
mountain where I stood; and batter it did, in fury to find itself opposed.
I could feel my mustache freeze, the water of my breath instantly
transformed to ice. In sudden fear, I began to check my extremities: Were my fingers
white? If I rubbed my ear with snow, did the flesh still sting? This was madness, I
realized: to come so high, expose my flesh to this rawness. This was how men died.
I labored on. There was no turning back. I would take my greep, or die.
Whiteness skittered across rock. More often than not, my snowshoes
grated on stone instead of snow, for the wind scoured the mountainside free of snow as
quickly as snow fell.
And it was falling now; somehow in my singlemindedness I had failed to
note when the clouds turned gray and began to disgorge their load of snow. I could see no
farther than a half dozen cubits ahead, flakes whipped across my vision in a blur of
white.
Where was the greep? It left no tracks, not on this bare rock; and in
the snow, I saw it no
A snort. A glimpse of brown. I drew back an arrow and loosed it-to see
the arrow snatched away by the fierce wind.
Onward, onward At times, I cast forward in despair, feeling that I must
have lost the trail; but always, I managed to find some spoor, some trace. And I
lungedInto space.
My stomach lurched, both physically with my sudden fall, and
spiritually with my sudden realization that I had been outfoxed by a beast. Do you
understand? Man is differentiated from the animal only by his intellect; and this dumb
creature had out-thought me. It had led me to a cliff, knowing I could see only inches
ahead, and maneuvered me off ...
I fell for a brief eternity, certain I was falling to my death ...
There was an impact. It came to me that I was allve; more than alive,
uninjured. There was whiteness all about me, a tunnel upward to dim gray sky; I had landed
in a drift, and the snow had been thick enough to break the fall.
I trashed about in deep snow, making no progress; it caved in about me.
At last I calmed, thought things . through, and removed my snowshoes. I reached up, and
slammed one into the snow above me, pulling myself upward, then slamming the next one in.
In this fashion, I climbed, until I found myself, almost hot with exertion, lying atop the
drift.
The wind was slight, here, in the lee of the cliff. Dimly, dimly, far
above me, I espied a blur of brown. I peered, through drifting snow; it thinned enough
that for an instant I saw a brown-furred head, a hint of antler
It was the greep. It peered downward, trying to discern whether or not
I had met my doom.
In an instant, I was on my feet, an arrow nocked and drawn to my ear. I
could see the greep only as a blur of brown; but
I loosed the shaft, and instantly drew another, hoping I would be
permitted another shot before the creature fled
The brown was gone. I had lost
Something smashed into the drift, scant cubits from where I stood.
It was the greep. I scampered over the snow, and peered down into the
crater it had smashed in the drift.
It stared back at me, fear and hatred, hot anger in its gaze. The shaft
of my arrow protruded through the jaw, outone cheek: a flesh wound. But that had been
enough to startle the beast, cantilevered out over the cliff, peering downward at me. And
it had fallen out, as I had . . .
Perhaps, given time, the greep could have clawed its way out of the
drift; but I proposed to give it none. My first shaft struck it in the eye; it roared its
pain and hatred, flailing desperately at the snow that caved in about it. A second time I
shot, and hit its throat, lifeblood squirting crimson on white snow. And the
thirdbut it was dying.
And as that great beast, its antlered head thrashing in pain through
whiteness, as it breathed its last, I knew I had found my destiny. So would I defeat all
who stood before me; so would I triumph against all adversity.
In that instant, I accounted myself a man.
And I thanked the greep, truly I did; I thanked it for showing me the
vital struggle, the fierceness that underlies all creation.
Down the mountainside, I knew, was the village of Bainbridge, though I
could not see it in the drifting snow; a few hours' trek, by snowshoe. I cut the greep's
head from its bodyI could carry no moreand I made my way to the village.
There, they met me with celebration: It was accounted a great deed, to take so impressive
a stag of the greep, at sixteen, in such a storm.
The greep's body froze in the snow; and, frozen, remained fresh until,
some days thereafter, we sent out a party to recover its flesh.
And it roasted there, in yonder fireplace, upon that very spit.
I do not think I have ever tasted meat so fine.
During the telling, the salad had been taken away, broiled eggplant and
peppers with herbs had been served, and the diners had been presented with a clear broth,
to cleanse the palate before the main course. There had been a new wine with each new
dish. It was clear by the time that Broderick ended his tale, however, that the piece
de resistance was in the offing. A parade of servants had appeared with a variety of
platters. There were cardooris in a butter sauce, celeriac and bitter herbs, game hens
perfumed with cinnamon, parsleyed potatoes, and fresh peas with mint. There was a deep,
rich brown gravy, fresh bread of several kinds, and herb butter to slather on it. But all
this was by way of side dish. The servants had wheeled in a cart bearing a load of wilted
greens, had trundled it over to the fireplace, and had carefully removed the whole roast
greep from the spit. Three strong men had been needed for that task. Now the butler stood
over the carcass, whetting an enormous carving knife.
"And so," Broderick ended at last, "I bid you, sup; eat
deeply of the richness of the greep, and imbibe as you do his wisdom. We may only hope
that some portion of the greep's nobility, his courage, and his fierce desire for
existence will infuse us with his flesh."
"Good story," said Kraki approvingly, pounding his fist on
the table hard enough to make the glassware jump. Bertram, on the other hand, looked as if
he were going off his head with ennui.
One of the footmen approached Sidney deferentially and asked her what
portion of the greep she desired. "I'm not familiar with cuts of greep," she
said, realizing there was no polite way to avoid eating it entirely. "Perhaps you can
make a recommendation." He suggested a filet of the tenderloin, and she assented.
Another servant appeared with the desired cut, while .the first went to obtain
requirements from the other guests. Kraki requested ribs, by which, it became clear, he
meant the beast's entire rib cage.
"Wine, miss?" inquired the sommelier, holding a bottle out to
Sidney. She had never seen its like. It was green. The label proclaimed it a "vin
chartreuse d'appellation Royaume Dzorzique. " This struck Sidney as unlikely,
since the kingdom of Dzorz hadn't existed in almost two hundred years. Uncertainly, she
said, "Please," and watched as the green liquid flowed three-quarters of the way
up a fluted glass.
"And you, sir?" the steward asked Vincianus, showing him the
bottle.
The oldster left off gumming his greep steak and peered at it for a
long moment. "Pretty young for a vin chartreushe, ishn't it?" he said dubiously.
"Sir? Perhaps a tad, sir. But the 5530s mature a little young; a
century and three-quarters seems about right."
"A chartreuse?" said Jasper delightedly. "My, my,
Broderick, you do set a good table."
"Out of my usual range, to be sure," said Timaeus, obviously
impressed.
Broderick beamed.
"We've always kept a good cellar," said Bertram, a little
proudly. "The Barons of Biddleburg have been high-class lushes for four hundred
years"
"Nnnnn! Nnnnn!" said Baron Barthold. The old man was
shaking his head violently. By the sommelier stood another servant, bearing a wine glass
and a twist of paper on a platter.
"Now, Pater," said Bertram concernedly. "You really must
have your philter. Doctor's orders, you know."
"Nnnn!" said Barthold.
"Come, brother," said Broderick. "If anything can make
your medication palatable, surely it is the Dzorzian. Drink up, now!"
Barthold made a choking noise, and shook his head again.
"If you're good," wheedled Broderick, "there's puff
pastry and ice cream for dessert."
"Nnnn," said Barthold more mildly. With unhappy eyes, he
watched the sommelier pour a glass of wine, untwist one end of the paper, and empty a
powder into the glass. White crystals dissolved quickly in the liquid.
"Awfully sorry, Pater," said Bertram apologetically,
"but it's for the best, you know. In your condition . . ." He took the wine
glass and held it to the old man's lips. Barthold closed his eyes and, misery writ on his
face, choked down the wine.
"I do apologize," said Broderick. "Happens every night,
I'm afraid. He can be a trial."
"Nnnn," muttered Barthold censoriously, eyes still closed.
As a servant carried away the empty bottle of chartreuse and the twist
of paper, Sidney dropped her dessert fork, reached down to pick it up, and quite
deliberately tripped the man. The wine bottle smashed on the cold stone flags of the
castle floor, the silver tray hit with a noise like a gong, and the man landed awkwardly
on one arm.
"Oh!" Sidney said, springing up. "How clumsy of me. I'm
so sorry. Please, let me help you."
"Quite all right, ma'am," said the servant. "My fault,
I'm sure."
"Aye," said the butler freezingly. "If woon canna' watch
where woon poots woon's feet, woon sharr find woonserf stoking the stove an' eating wi'
the oopstairs maids. Fetch a broom at oonce and clear this mess awa'."
"Yes, Mr. Bates," said the servant. "Sorry, Mr. Bates.
At once, Mr. Bates." And he scurried away.
Sidney reseated herself, the twist of paper tucked into her garter.
III.
The room was a study, of sorts. That is, it had the usual accoutrements
of a study: numerous bookshelves, ornate armchairs, a globe, a crystal ball, tables and
writing supplies. But the dust on the books was thick, indicating they were rarely
consulted; and every available surface was covered with maps and papers. Broderick might
be an efficient administrator, but he was not a neat one.
A fire burned in the hearth and an oil lamp gave a little light, but
the corners of the room lay in shadow. Captain Blentz sat sleepily in a chair, while
Broderick prowled restlessly.
"What?" said Blentz in blank incomprehension.
"Why?"
"Why do you need to know?" demanded Broderick irritably.
"Just do it."
"But Sir Broderick"
"Bah! I don't know why I bother with you, Blentz. Still haven't
found that Beatrice bint, have you, me boy? Bertie's on to it, you know; if you don't off
the bitch, and soon, I'll likely wind up killing my own nephew to avoid a stink. Damned
awkward, too; too much unrest in the barony as it is, the idiot is a useful
figurehead."
"We'll catch her," said Blentz heavily. "These things
take time."
"Time is what we don't have, man! Well, look here. This job is
surefire. I don't see how you can miss. Fail me this time, and you'll find yourself out
the gate with nothing but your sword and your trousers. With your record, I don't fancy
your chances of finding another position."
"Yes, but look here; I mean, one thing to kill a peasant or two,
but"
"It's very simple," said Broderick. "They are carrying
an object of great value. I want it. They have agreed to accept an escort to the barony's
border; you are to provide it. Halfway between the castle and Bainbridge town, to minimize
the chances of anyone either here or in the village learning the truth, you will turn on
them and butcher them all. You will have the element of surprise; if you can't kill them
before they know what's what, you are a buffoon indeed. Bury them a good distance off the
road. Inside their wagon, probably in a hidden compartment, you will find a large statue.
Burn the wagon and its contents. Return the statue surreptitiously to me."
"Sir, I don't know that the men will do it. After all"
"Damnation, Blentz! There's a pound argentum in it for each
of them."
"Ah," said Blentz. "And for me?"
"Greedy, greedy, Blentz," said Broderick in a warning tone.
"Your position here is less than secure, you know." "It's murder we're
talking about," said Blentz doggedly. "I won't"
"You won't what, Blentz? Cat got your conscience? A moral void at
your soul that only the sparkle of gold will assuage? Very well; ten pounds for you, if
you succeed."
"Fine," said Blentz resentfully, rising from his chair.
"If that's all, I'm to bed."
"Go along, then," said Broderick, waving a hand. "I just
hope you remember all this when sober."
"Not likely to forget," grunted Blentz, and wandered
unsteadily out.
When Blentz's footsteps had died away, Broderick sighed, then went to
examine the crystal ball. He gave it a sharp rap with a knuckle and spoke a Word. The
crystal began to emit a faint yellow glow.
"Yes?" said a bass voice in a bored tone.
"Private message," said Broderick. "Ex: Sir
Broderick de Biddleburg, Biddleburg Castle, Barony of Biddleburg. Ad: Gerlad, Graf von
Grentz, Drachehaus, the Enclave, Free City of Hamsterburg. Re: Yours of the fourteenth.
Begin. I may be able to obtain object in question. Please define quote considerable sum
end quote. Other parties interested. Respond soonest. Thirty."
"Very good," said the voice. "How will you be
paying?"
"I have an account with the Royal Bank of Dwarfheim," said
Broderick. "You should have the records."
After a moment, the voice spoke again. "Very well, sir. Will that
be all?"
"Yes," said Broderick, turning away as the crystal went dark.
Through slitted eyes, the cat atop the bookshelf watched the crystal's
light die. Broderick pinched the oil lamp's wick into darkness, then shuffled out of the
room himself, leaving it lit only by the dying embers of the fire.
The cat rose to its paws and arched its back in a stretch. As it did,
there was a noise from one of the study's two windows. The cat caught the hint of a shape
outside the glass, a moment of movement-and then the shape was gone.
The study was two stories up. Could the exchange between Broderick and
Blentz have had a second observer? wondered Sidney. And if so, who might that observer
have been?
She jumped to the floor, and fastidiously licked away the dust of the
shelves. When her toilet was complete, she slunk back through the hallways toward her
room.
Without the castle, the morning was brilliant, a jolly sun casting
light across a lucid sky, birds twittering happily, gentle zephyrs wafting the pines.
Jasper's bedroom was somewhat gloomier: Its windows were small and deeply set in thick
walls, designed for defense rather than illumination. And the thick walls of the tower
kept the air uncomfortably cold, colder than the world outsidea blessing on hot
summer days, no doubt, but a bit of a trial, Jasper thought, at the moment. He had the
windows open to admit a little warmth.
Still, he pottered cheerfully about, preparing his toilet. The green
light moved over the floor, floating alongside a straight razor.
"Tum-tiddle-um-tum-tie," hummed Jasper.
Tum-tiddle-tiddle-tiddle-um-tum-tum." A strap of leather
hung from a washstand; the free end of the strap rose in the air until
the strap was tight and parallel to the floor. The razor began to strop itself.
After a while, the razor floated over to plunk itself down on the
stand. "Hey nonny-nonny, tiddle-um-tumday," sang Jasper. A brush dipped itself
in water and began to swish about in a mug, developing a lather. The brush rose and
swished itself through the air, depositing a vague hemisphere of lather on invisible
space. If one had looked carefully, one might have been able to discern the shape of a
chin.
A cat jumped through one of the open windows, landing in the deep
window well.
The razor rose from the washstand and began to scrape at the lather
that hung in midair. Jasper hummed still, butit was now the hum of a man with a closed
mouth: "Mmm-hmmm-hmmm-mmmm-mmm-hmm."
Sidney transformed. "Jasper," she said. "I"
The razor gave a sudden jerk. "Yow!" shouted Jasper.
Flecks of blood appeared amid the lather and began to drip onto the floor. "By Dion,
Sidney, you startled me. I do hope I have some sticking plaster." The floating lather
moved over to Jasper's trunk, from which bits and oddments began to fly.
"I'm sorry, Jasper," said Sidney, not sounding particularly
apologetic. "I have some information to impart."
"Hmm? Yes, good, here it is." A jar of sticking plaster
unscrewed, and a dollop of the substance moved out to smear itself across empty space.
"Say on, then."
Sidney sighed. "The walls have ears," she said.
"Do they?" said Jasper in a surprised tone. The lather turned
to face each of the walls in turn. "I don't believe so, Sidney," he said
dubiously. "In another room, perhaps?"
"Are you being purposefully dense?" demanded Sidney.
"Look here. There are servants everywhere in this damned castle. I don't want to run
the risk of being overheard. You're a mentalist, aren't you? Read my mind."
"Ah! Do you mind if I finish shaving?"
"No,-no, just.hurry up."
Jasper completed his toilet. When he was finished, the green point of
light flitted over to hang before Sidney's forehead. "Now, then," said Jasper.
"Hmm. Good heavens! Can't say I think much of Sir Broderick's notion of hospitality,
hmm? More goes on in this castle than meets the eye."
"That's for sure," said Sidney. "Listen, we can't leave,
you see?"
"Ye-e-es," said Jasper slowly. "Well, that is, we could,
but it would be a risk. Maybe more of a risk than we ought to take."
"Definitely more of a risk than we ought to take," said
Sidney, a little irritated. "I don't fancy a battle with scores of hardened veterans,
when there's a chance of getting away without one."
"Fair enough," said Jasper.
"Will you tell the others?" asked Sidney. "Or rather,
not-tell them?"
"What? Oh, yes. I see. Certainly, my dear."
A buffet breakfast had been laid out on the sideboard in the great
hall: sausages, cold roast greep, pastries, pies, and oat cakes, while a servant stood by
to take orders for fresh eggs. Kraki sprawled at one end of the table, with a small keg of
beer and an enormous platter of sausages-a silver serving platter, Sidney saw. Apparently,
he'd simply taken the whole thing from the sideboard. He was halfway through the mass of
sausages and wrapping himself outside the remainder with alarming rapidity. Sidney
shuddered, loaded a plate of her own, sat down, and motioned one of the servants over for
tea.
Just as the servant began to fill her cup, a tremendous bang propelled
Sidney out of her chair, jostling his arm and spilling tea all over her tunic. She cursed,
grabbed a napkin, and began to swab at the stain; Timaeus walked in, puffing contentedly
on his pipe. He came over to sit down next to her.
"I wish you'd figure out a quieter way to light that thing,"
Sidney complained.
"Hmm? Never fear, Sidney; I have a plan," Timaeus said
cheerily, patting her on the shoulder.
Sidney looked at him mistrustfully. "If it's like your
usual" But Timaeus was bouncing up again. Bertram had appeared at the door.
"I say, Bertie, old bean," said Timaeus, bounding over and
throwing an arm about Bertram. "Come to see us off?"
"Ye gods, man," groused Bertram, "a little less chipper,
please! Consider the hour."
"Mmm?" said Timaeus. "Eight, by the clock, and a fine
time to be alive."
"Oh, shut up," said Bertram, moodily picking up a plate and
scraping some of the cold greep onto it. "A fine trick, I call it, to give a chap
hope for some entertainment, then to disappear virtually before one may finish saying
`Hail fellow and well met.' Here I'd hoped you'd stay at least a fortnight"
"Well," said Sidney. "Actually"
Timaeus waved an insistent hand at her. "Sorry, you know, the way
of the world; rush, rush, rush, insistent business, dashing about hither and yon ... But I
say, why don't you come with us as far as the border? We can at least chat along the
way."
A light dawned as Sidney appreciated Timaeus's idea; if Bertram came
along, Captain Blentz wouldn't dare kill the young heir's friends. Unlesshe killed
Bertram, too. They could always blame it on the banditsmaybe this wasn't such a good
idea.
Bertram looked almost cheerful as he considered the proposal, then
sighed. "Sorry, Timaeus. I'm afraid I'll have to give you a nolle prosequi on
that. Uncle would never allow me to go with you."
"Whyever not?" Timaeus demanded.
"He wouldn't trust me to turn back at the border," Bertram
said apologetically. "He'd be afraid I'd just keep on going with you. And he might be
right; I'd be tempted. But, well, my duty is here, dash it. Must try to keep things
together during Pater's illness, you know . . ."
Timaeus was chewing his lip. "Well-but "
"We go today," said Kraki with finality. "It vill be
glorious." He smiled and belched, obviously enjoying the prospect of combat.
Bertram sat down at the table with his plate, looking askance at the
barbarian. "Glorious?" he said.
Somebody had to do something, Sidney saw. She said, "Timaeus,
dear, why don't we stay on for a few days? I can't imagine our contacts in Hamsterburg
will worry about a day or two spent on the road, and we are, if anything, ahead of
schedule. And this festival they're having tomorrow does sound grand." She gave
Bertram a winning smile, which he returned. Jasper whizzed into the room in time to catch
the last of this.
Timaeus merely goggled at Sidney; this was not what he expected to hear
from her. Barked orders and curses were more in her line.
"I say, yes," Jasper said. "Nothing like a few nights in
a feather bed after camping out on the road for weeks."
"Yes, do stay, Timaeus," said Bertram. "You've no idea
how tedious it gets out here in the provinces, far from the city lights."
"You make it sound very attractive," complained Timaeus.
"Oh, very well. I suppose it's inevitable."
Kraki snorted, looking faintly disgruntled.
"Hurrah!" said Bertram as Broderick entered. The older man
made a beeline for the tea. "Oh, Uncle," said Bertram, "good news! Timaeus
and his crew have consented to stay on for a few days."
Broderick's head whipped around. He studied Timaeus with narrowed eyes,
then broke into an ersatz grin. "Yes, yes, wonderful news, glad you've seen the
light. Well, well, well. We shall have fun. Tea, dammit, milk and two sugars."
Kraki, Nick, and Broderick had ridden off hunting; Jasper had gone with
them, at Sidney's insistence. "Hunting accidents," she had said. "Too easy.
Keep an eye on them." So the old adventurer had sighed and agreed to go. Timaeus and
Bertram were off in another wing of the castle, playing billiards and drinking port. And
no one knew where Vincianus was; snoozing away someplace, in all probability. This, as
Sidney had hoped, gave her the opportunity to go into town.
She doubted two hundred people lived in Biddleburg. The streets were
cobblestone, for the most part, with the houses quite close together. Except for the main
road, which ran from the eastern gate to the western, through what passed for a market
square, the streets were too narrow for wheeled traffic. Eyes followed Sidney wherever she
went; her Durfalian street clothes were evidently startling to the Biddlebourgeois, whose
women were clad mainly in multiply layered homespun. And no one had taught them not to
gawk. Sidney felt quite out of place.
Still, half an hour of wandering the village's byways had taught her
nothing, except that carpenters were building a platform in the market square, presumably
for use in tomorrow's festivities. She had failed to find any sign of an alchemist.
Sighing, she approached a butcher in the marketplace. He held a squawking chicken by the
legs.
"Excuse me," said Sidney. The man looked at her briefly, then
laid the chicken's neck on a block of wood. "I'm looking for an alchemist's. Could
you tell me" The butcher raised a cleaver andthwack!severed the
creature's neck. The head hit the floor and blood spurted. "where I might find
one?"
The butcher laid the cleaver aside and scratched his chin with one hand
while the other still held the chicken's legs, its wings flapping wildly in its death
throes. "Warr, marss," he said. "Eeant un in toon, y'ear. Mebbe ee Owd
Warch'rr hep ye." He stuck the chicken's feet in a hook, shifted his grip to its
body, and yanked down; the feet were pulled off the legs, leaving tendrils of fat and
gristle.
Sidney was beginning to feel faintly nauseated, and hadn't the
slightest idea what he had said. "Yes, thank you," she said, turning away, and
began to wander off.
"Nar, nar!" said the butcher, tossing the chicken into a pot
of boiling water. "Eer, marss; up t'Arpers Ane." He pointed off to the left,
across the square to the opening of an alley. Sidney blinked; this was something, at
least. "Thank you," she said, with somewhat more feeling. The butcher took the
chicken out of the water with a pair of tongs and began to pluck it.
Up the alley only a few feet was a storefront. Across the window was
painted the name "Mistress Mabel," and under that, "Knows All Sees
All." Nothing was visible through the grimy glass except for a haphazard display of
bottles, red plush hearts, and arrows, obviously intended to imply that love potions were
for sale, and a fat gray cat that lay just inside the glass, staring malevolently at
Sidney.
On the door was a small coat of arms, with a scroll held in a wyverns
claws. On the scroll were the words "International Amalgamated Sisterhood of Witches
& Allied Trades."
It wasn't quite what she had in mind, Sidney thought, but perhaps it
would do. She turned the bat-shaped knob and entered.
The gloomy shop was filled with choking smoke. It was lit only by dim
sunlight, filtering in through the grimy window, and a low fire in a hearth at the rear.
Before the hearth, an old woman sat in a ragged platform rocker, her feet up on an ottoman
in the shape of a man on his hands and knees, his back bearing up the cushion, an
expression of despair on his face. In her mouth was a corncob pipe, smoke curling out from
her lips above her wispy beard. The gray cat leapt from the window, puffed up its fur, and
hissed at Sidney.
"Beewzy," shouted the old woman in a high-pitched voice.
"Behave, now. Coostomer."
The cat gave the woman an astonished glare and slunk off into the
shadows.
Sidney took a glance about the shop. Bundled herbs hung from the
ceiling. Against the brick wall were shelves, held up by cast-iron braces nailed directly
into the mortar. The shelves held an assortment of bottles and boxes, half of them knocked
sideways and most covered with dust. At the center of the room was a rickety table, on
which lay an assortment of fortune-tellers' cards. On either side of the hearth, in the
brick, were ovens, and over the fire was a kettle, bubbling away. Mistress Mabel pulled
herself painfully to her feet, picked up a snake-knobbed cane that had lain between her
legs, and hobbled arthritically toward Sidney. "Wha' can owd Mabel dee for ye,
larss?" she said. "Loove potion, mayhap? Terr ye foortune? Soomething tee
pertect ye from gettin' wi' chird?"
"No, Mistress," said Sidney. "Actually, I was looking
for an alchemist, but there doesn't seem to be one in Biddleburg."
"Nar, nar," said Mabel, peering nearsightedly at Sidney in
the dimness. "Too smarr a toon, Bidderburg be . . ." She gave a sudden start,
backed away a bit, and made a warding gesture. "Worf!" she said. "Ye'rr nar
be payin' ye're tricks on me, y' unhoory bint."
Sidney blinked; it took her a moment to untangle this, but when she
had, she gained a measure of respect for the old woman's talent. "Not a wolf,"
she said. "A cat. And the taint of chaos need not mean a desire to do anyone harm. I
wish your help, and I'm willing to pay for it."
The old woman stood for a long moment, hunched over with both hands on
the knob of her cane, puffing on her corncob pipe. "Arright," she said at last.
"If nar harm's to coome to any at Bidderburg, I'rr hep ye."
Sidney produced the twist of paper from her purse. "This
paper," she said, "recently held a white powder. I saw someone pour it into a
glass of wine, in which it dissolved. I was told it was a medicine. I'd like to know what
it is."
The old woman stood unmoving. She puffed smoke for a moment.
"Why?" she said at last.
"I fear an old man is being poisoned."
The old woman reached out a hand, the forgers twisted with arthritis.
"Gie it here," she said. Sidney handed over the twist. The old woman took it,
sniffed the paper, and muttered a few Words, then token on her pipe and blew smoke onto
the paper. The smoke glowed faintly green. "Aye," she said. "Poison, o' ooh
kind ar anither. If ye want tee knoow what kind, ye sharr have to coome back
tommorrer."
Sidney let out a long breath; she hadn't realized until that moment
that she had been holding it. "Tomorrow? But I"
"Sayin' it's poison be easy enow," said the old woman
irritably. "Five shirring for that oon. Assayin' it, that be far more difficult; take
me soome time. If ye want ter know, it'rr cost ye a poond, and ye moost coome back
tomorrer."
"All right," said Sidney, and began to count the money out
onto Mabel's table.
"Keep yer coin," snapped the old woman. "I'rr take the
five shirring, but the rest coomes when the job be doone." Sidney nodded, and began
to retrieve her change. Mabel
set the twist of paper carefully down on the table, levered herself
gratefully into a chair, and said, in a low voice, "Froom the castle, I
suppooes?"
Sidney studied her before carefully responding, "Yes."
The old woman sighed. "Not soorprised," she said. "See
ye tommorrer."
IV.
Dinner that night was cold roast greep, bread, cheese, and ale; by
custom, the baron's household provided the food for the Feast of Grimaeus; the castle
kitchen was in a frenzy of preparation. The guests were left to dine on leftovers and put
themselves to bed, while work continued belowstairs.
The morning dawned gray and curiously warm. The clouds were a solid
bank, high above; there was no immediate rain, but many in Biddleburg eyed them uneasily,
hoping nothing would spoil the celebration. At eight, a procession left the castle,
bearing platters of food, cartloads of bread, enormous casks of beer, roast pigs,
pastries, chickens by the score. The chef de cuisine accompanied them, fussing
about and ensuring that the food was properly set out on boards in the market square; he
was exhausted, but would not sleep until the feast had ended.
By ten, virtually the entire town was in the square, gossiping and
eating. Farmers, woodsmen, charcoal-burners came from all over the baron's demesne for the
celebration.
At eleven, with a fanfare, the baron's party-including Timaeus and the
others, as honored guests-left the castle. It was the custom to walk, but Baron Barthold
was led down to the village on a palfrey, in respect for his infirmity.
Sidney walked through the narrow streets of the village with Bertram,
trailing the rest of the party. "Dreadful town," said the young heir.
"Beastly dull."
Gingerbread loomed above cobblestone streets. "I don't know,"
said Sidney. "I think it's charming. Quaint."
"Quaint," said Bertram, goggling at her. "Yes, that's
the word, by Fithold. Quaint indeed. Well, we must put a good face on it; the people will
expect a degree of gaiety, today. Anyhow, I am looking forward to the needlepoint
competition."
It was Sidney's turn to goggle. "Needlepoint . . . ?"
"Yes," said Bertram, puffing up a bit, "took it up at
university, very soothing. I have a piece in here, the Lonely Tower at Hamsterburg, all in
cross-stitch; I have high hopes for it. At least a third prize, or perhaps a second."
"I see," said Sidney.
"No hope for a first, of course," said Bertram.
"Mistress Mabel will have that one sewn up." He giggled, adding, "As it
were."
"Mistress Mabel?" said Sidney. "The witch? She does
needle"
"Tch tch tch," said Bertram, mildly censoriously. "We
don't say `witch,' you know. They're very sensitive. `Wise woman' is the preferred
locution."
Sidney snorted, but forbore from comment. After all, Mabel's damned
door proclaimed her a witch, so what was the
"The young heir," said a voice, in a slightly contemptuous
tone. They turned; a young man stood at the corner ofan alley, in forest green, a bow
slung over his shoulder. A hood covered his head, which, along with the dimness of the
alleyway, made it impossible to make out the lad's features.
"Good morrow, lad," said Bertram with good humor. "Come
for the archery competition?"
"I have," said the boy. "Will your uncle be in it?"
"I believe so," said Bertram. "He sets great store by
his skill with the bow."
"Good," said the boy. "Then one of us will be man enough
to stand up to him, at least."
"What do you mean?" asked Bertram.
The boy leaned forward, speaking quickly and urgently. "Can you
truly be insensible to the plight of the folk?" he said. "Bainbridge looted,
villages pillaged, good men broken on the wheel for no more crime than questioning
Broderick's fitness to rule"
"This, this is treason," said Bertram, shocked and uncertain.
"Treason, or love of truth," said the youth, then turned and
fled down the alley.
Bertram frowned after him. "There's something familiar... ,"
he muttered, then shook his head. "Insolent pup, what? Come along, Sidney." He
strode after the rest of the party, toward the market square.
Sidney hesitated long enough to take a brief look down the alley; it
ended in a wall, not ten cubits in, but there was no sign of the youngster. A puzzle; but
no doubt he was spry enough to climb a wall. She shrugged and followed Bertram.
They entered the market. Cheers rang out; Captain Blentz and a few of
his men went on ahead, to clear the way. The cheers for the baron seemed genuine, while
the townsfolk seemed to treat Sir Broderick with fearful deference and Sir Bertram with
genial, and slightly contemptuous, good humor. Both Broderick and Bertram spoke easily
with the townsfolk as they strolled across the square, telling a joke or asking after
someone's health.
The party from the castle took their seats on the wood platform, Sidney
next to Timaeus. She peered both left and right; there was no obvious way to sneak off,
not without attracting undue attention. She was in plain view of the entire crowd below.
How, then, was she to meet with Mistress Mabel?
Sir Broderick rose and made a brief speech, welcoming the folk in the
name of his brother, the baron (who waved, somewhat shakily), and thanking them for their
loyalty over the year (there were faint jeers at this). Sir Bertram donned ermine robes,
which the butler had brought from the castle, and made a brief invocation imploring the
goodwill of Grimaeus, who evidently was some regional spirit or deity.
And then the contests began. Mountaineers strove to climb a cliff near
the edge of town; it was clearly visible from the market square, and each wore a piece of
colored cloth pinned to his back, so that everyone could cheer his favorite. The first to
the top was promised a purse of coins. Then there was a contest for lumberjacks; several
large tree boles were brought into the square, and men vied to determine who might chop
through one quickest. A quilting bee was next; Sidney was asked to act as one of the
judges for this contest, her gender apparently being sufficient qualification, but managed
to decline the honor. There was an ale-quaffing contestKraki won that oneand a
display of wolves' pelts, on which the barony apparently paid a bounty, with a bonus going
to the hunter who had killed the largest number of the beasts.
The needlepoint display was next; each contestant brought out her (or
in one case, his) best work of the previous year. They were mounted on easels put up
before the platform, and the judgesall women, by their dress the wives of prosperous
townsmenstrolled up and down, examining them. Bertram stood nervously by his own
offering, talking occasionally to the crowd, who seemed to think that the heir's choice of
hobby was a marvelous joke. Broderick scowled blackly, no doubt believing the whole affair
a blot on the family escutcheon, raising unnecessary questions about Bertram's manliness.
Sidney was faintly charmed at blond Bertram's nervousness; as the
baron's son, surely he was guaranteed a place at the finish? "He's very handsome,
isn't he?" she said, loudly enough that Timaeus heard her.
The wizard, who had been puffing on his pipe, took it out of his mouth.
"What?" he said. "I mean, really. Bertram? Handsome? Bertram, handsome? I
say . . ."
Sidney gave him a faint smile.
Bertram had been a good judge of his chances; he took second prize.
Mistress Mabel appeared, leaning on her snake-knobbed cane. It occurred to Sidney that the
old woman looked more tired, in the light of day, than she had in her shop; there were
dark circles under her eyes, and she stifled a yawn as she hobbled painfully up to collect
her own prize, a small purse. Sidney hoped for some word from Mabel, but she passed
Sidney's place without a glance.
The needlepoint competition was followed by a dowsing contest. Then
there was a ball game, one new to Sidney. It was evidently a free-for-all, with no teams,
in which the player who ended a period of time in the ball's possession was considered the
victor. There were several injuries in the course of that one.
When the herald declared that the archery contest was about to begin,
Sir Broderick sprang up with a gleeful smile. "At last!" cried he. A servant
handed him his bow and a quiver of arrows, and he leapt off the platform to take his place
with the other contestants.
Captain Blentz and his men cleared an aisle down the center of the
square, along the path of the main road. The road beyond the end of the square was cleared
likewise, so that an errant shaft would not injure anyone. A target was judge's voice
shouted out, a little fainter now with distance, "A burr!" And there was almost
a sigh through the crowd.
Woodsley stood forth and almost negligently fired. "A burr!"
again came the shout, and there were murmurs of approbation. Broderick was blank-faced,
but by the redness of his ears, bursting with rage. The other two bowmen took their shots,
but one hit only the inner ring, while the other, perhaps rattled at having come so far in
the competition, missed the target entirely.
Again the target was moved back, another ten ells. Again Broderick toed
up to the line, drew his shaft, held it, released"Inner ring," came the
shout. Broderick's mouth compressed to a thin line; but he might win still, if Woodsley's
shot was no better.
Woodsley stood forth. He was less certain this time, holding his hood
at an angle to gauge the wind before drawing, holding the arrow by his ear for a long
moment before releasing
"A burr!" came the shout.
There was a murmur of awe through the crowdand then all eyes went
to Broderick, to see how he would react. He wore a tight smile, but put out his hand to
Woodsley genially enough, saying, "Well shot, Master Woodsley. You have a keen eye
indeed. I would see the face of the man who has bested me."
Woodsley put a hesitant hand to his hood, but said, "SirI
would not I"
Barely containing a snarl, Broderick reached out and flipped back the
hood of green.
There was a rumble of thunder; only Sidney seemed to notice.
Beneath the hood was close-cropped red hair
"Beatrice!" shouted a voice from the crowd. "Beatrice of
the Band!" And there was instant confusion.
It was she, Sidney saw, breasts strapped down, clothing baggy enough to
hide her form. She was running downthat long cobblestone street now, toward the gate at
the far end of town, the road already cleared of obstruction for use as a firing range.
Broderick watched her flee, but only for an instant before calmly drawing an arrow from
the quiver at his back, setting the string of his bow in its notch, pulling back the
string, aiming at Beatrice's back
"Uncle! No!" shouted Bertram, leaping off the platform and
running for the archers' station. But before he could reach his uncle, a burly, bearded
man in peasant garb darted from the crowd and hurtled shoulder first into Broderick,
sending the shot wild and knocking the nobleman to the ground.
The first fat drops of rain spattered on dusty cobbles. Men and women
ran to and fro in the crowd, as others of the Band made their presence known and ran off
likewise down the street, urging defiance on the crowd. Bertram reached Broderick in time
to help his uncle to his feet. "Blentz!" Broderick was screaming. "After
them, Blentz!"and indeed, the captain was running after the Bandsmen, sword in
hand, puffing badly. With him ran a half dozen soldiers, looking as if the last thing they
wanted to do was catch up with the bandits and be forced to fight them on more or less
equal terms. Without horsesall the horses were back at the castle, save only Baron
Barthold's palfreythe guardsmen's chances of catching Beatrice and the Band were
slim.
Men, women, and children were scurrying for cover, whether from the
danger posed by naked blades or the discomfort of falling rain it was hard to say. The chef
de cuisine was dancing with rage, berating his soul-chefs and maidservants:
"The pastry! By damn, save the pastry! The rain will ruin it!" But the castle
staff was in an uproar, too, goggling after the bandits, running about in insensible
panic.
"Should we do something, do you think?" said Jasper.
"I vant to kill someone," said Kraki, who had his sword out
and was looking wildly around, "but who?"
"Precisely," said Timaeus, looking unhappily into the rainy
sky. "Why do Broderick any favors? Or those bandits, either."
"Bunch of foolsh, that'sh what I'm hooked up with," said
Vincianus. "Don't have the shenshe to come out of the rain." He began a ritual
chant.
"Put that thing away," Nick said disgustedly to Kraki.
"You'll only get it rusty."
Kraki looked at him a little guiltily, then sheathed his weapon.
"Vic has a point," said Timaeus. "Why don't we
go"
Thunder crashed. Everyone jumped"Vies gone," said Sidney.
"Ah," said Timaeus. "Teleported back to the castle, I
suppose. Not a bad notion"
"Don't you dare!" said Sidney. Timaeus's own teleport spell
left a fireball at his place of departure; unpleasant for those left behind, albeit useful
when leaving someone you didn't particularly like.
Broderick was still running about and giving orders, but Bertram had
seemingly disappeared into the crowd.
"Look," said Nick. "I don't see any percentage in
staying here. Why don't we head back to the castle?"
"Righto," said Jasper. "Let's." He floated off the
platform, followed in more conventional fashion by Nick and Sidney.
"Nnnnn-nnnnn!" said Barthold, still seated in his chair,
his gray mustache drooping with wetness.
"Good heavens," said Timaeus. "Mustn't forget the baron.
Here, give me a hand. Can you walk, my lord?"
"Nnnn," said Barthold.
"Drat," said Timaeus. "Is the palfrey still about?"
"Ran off," said Nick.
"Never mind," said Kraki, who picked Barthold up, jumped off
the platform, and began to stride toward the castle.
It occurred to Sidney that she still had an errand to run.
V.
Timaeus dripped water onto the slate flags of the Great Hall. His red
hair was plastered to his skull, his beard dewed with droplets. Garments sucked wetly
against his skin. "Damnation," he fulminated miserably, "this castle is
normally overrun with servants; where the devil are they when a man needs them?"
"Scurrying about town, I'd guess," said Nick, shucking his
soaked jacket and draping it across a chair, "looking for bandits or hiding from
them." He was red-faced and exuberant.
"Servants?" said Jasper, whizzing gaily about. If he was
affected by the storm, it didn't show. "Timaeus, old man, you are a fire mage, after
all; surely you don't need a servant to start a blaze." Logs and kindling were
already laid in the fireplace; all that was needed was a spark.
Timaeus muttered something, then waved his hands a bit and said a Word;
a bolt of flame shot across the room, blasting into the hearth. Logs went tumbling like
skittles, but when they had settled down, the fire was positively raging.
"How is it that you're not soaked?" said Timaeus nastily.
"Bloody green pipsqueak." He went to bask before the fire, standing almost to
the flames; his hose began to give off steam.
"Umbrella," said Jasper.
Timaeus eyeballed the speck of light, which was settling into an
armchair. Umbrella? Timaeus hadn't seen an umbrella. But then, he never saw much of Jasper
in any event.
"Vhat's his problem?" asked Kraki, dropping Baron Barthold
into another armchair.
"Fire mage," said Jasper in good humor. "Can't stand the
wet, any of them. Magical opposites, you know."
"Hallo, hallo, all," said Bertram, breezing into the hall.
"Timaeus, old man; did you ever see such a goddess?"
"Mm?" inquired Timaeus, shaking each limb in turn, in an
effort to dislodge drops of water.
"I mean to say, what a creature! What an exquisite creature. And
what cheek! To beard old Uncle Broderick in his own den, as it were! I say, there's the
woman for me."
Timaeus stared at Bertram openmouthed. "Surely you can't
be"
"Oh, I know, I know, chaps; I'm dreadfully sorry. I suppose you're
all pining for that xanthous beauty yourselves, that gloriously"
"I say, Sir Bertram, old bean," said Jasper. "What the
devil are you babbling about?"
"What?" said Bertram, thunderstruck. "You mean to say,
you weren't as poleaxed as I?"
Kraki wandered over to the sideboard and thoughtfully fetched a full
decanter of Moothlayan whisky for Baron Barthold, who held it uncertainly in one shaky
hand. Normally, a servant poured two fingers for him when he wanted a drink; but Kraki had
different ideas about the proper way to quaff strong drink, ideas he was demonstrating
with a magnum of ancient Dzorzian sherry. He chugged it down like water.
Nick sat on the stones before the hearth, back to the blaze, cleaning
his fingernails with a dirk and smiling faintly at Bertram. Nick fancied himself an expert
inif not affairs of the heart, at least affairs of the flesh. In his judgment,
Bertram had about as much chance with Beatrice as a dachshund with a St. Bernard. Nick was
beginning to wonder whether he himself might have an opportunity ...
"I see not," said Bertram wonderingly. "Hard to imagine.
How could you not instantly have fallen for that veritable fount of pulchritude, the
beauteous and valiant"
"All right, all right, for goodness' sake," said Timaeus
irritably. "We appreciate the immediacy of your lovestruck state. Now do shut up and
let us dry out, there's a good chap."
There was an awkward silence.
"Look here, young Bertram," said Jasper. "It's all very
well to have fallen in love, but what do you plan to do about it?"
"Errwell, yes," said Bertram, digging for earwax.
"I had given it a modicum of thought. You see, Beatrice is a bandit, after all, in
rebellion against the lawful rule of her rightful sovran; and whatever meritorious
characteristics Uncle Brod possesses, a willingness to forgive and forget is not among
them. I take it, therefore, I must woo and win her, presenting the old relative with a
fait accompli."
Everyone mulled over this for a moment; light flashed from the windows,
followed momentarily by the crash of thunder. It was pouring still, out there.
"I shallI shall need your help, of course," said
Bertram uncertainly. "I'm afraid I am not, ah, altogether; ah, a sophisticate in
these matters of the heart."
Timaeus snorted, and fumbled for his pipe.
"Well well well," said Jasper, his voice thick with emotion.
"Of course you shall have our help, my lad. Of course we shall do everything in our
power to see that a successful conclusion is brought to the love between you and the
beauteous Beatrice."
"We will?" said Nick.
"Are you daft?" demanded Timaeus.
"Silence!" Jasper thundered. "Of course we shall! Are we
not heroes? What else does our duty demand? Omnia vincit amor; et nos cedamus amori, as
the poet says."
Kraki contemplated this as Bertram babbled thanks and Timaeus boiled.
He didn't understand the fancy talk, but as he understood it, heroism involved slaying
your foes, building pyramids with their skulls, and hearing the lamentations of their
women, preferably as you had your merry way with said women. He didn't quite see where
love came into it; but Jasper usually knew what he was doing, and it certainly sounded
more interesting than lolling about the castle and swilling the local liquor, which seemed
to be the alternative on offer.
"If you think for one minute," Timaeus declared, his pipe at
a determined angle, "that I intend to charge off into the raging storm in the cause
of some fatuous infatuation, than you're as feebleminded as Bertram here."
Nick said nothing; the prospect of seeing Beatrice again was
increasingly appealing, and whatever Jasper thought, Bertram did not strike him as much of
a rival.
"I say," said Bertram, shocked.
"I go," said Kraki.
"Good man," said Jasper. "And Timaeus, I must say, I am
shocked; to deny your plain duty"
"Duty? You old fool," shouted Timaeus, "our duty is to
get the damned statue of Stantius to Arst-Kara-Morn, not to run off to help the chinless
wonder, here, with his love life"
"I say!" said Bertram. "That's quite"
"First," said Jasper freezingly, "I would ask you to
keepyour voice down. And if you must shout, you might consider refraining from bellowing
our deepest secrets to the winds, especially when you well know that our host is far from
friendly."
"What? Nonsense, nonsense, I have only the most
amicable"
"Not you, Sir Bertram. Second, I must say, Timaeus, I am deeply
wounded at your cold, hardhearted attitude. It is indicative, I should think to say, of
the callous modern outlook; here we have a young man smitten with a beauteous maid, a maid
the mortal enemy of his uncle, star-crossed lovers"
Timaeus snorted. "If I recall correctly, when the subject of
Bertram was mentioned, Beatrice's comment was `That twit.' This hardly sounds like the
passionate cooing of the enraptured lover."
"She said what?" said Bertram.
"Listen to me, dammit!" shouted Jasper. He sighed heavily
before continuing. "How to put it? A maid the mortal enemy of the young man's uncle.
An uncle whowell, forgive me, young Bertraman uncle who has designs on our own
possessions. Not to mention our lives."
Bertram blinked. "How do you"
"Yes, dreadful man," said Timaeus. "And so?"
"And so. If we are to leave the castle safely, with our
possessions, we must either neutralize Uncle Broderick, or hoodwink him in some way, yes?
And how better to do so than to enlist the aid of the young heir and his blushing
bride-to-be?"
"I have a hard time imagining Beatrice of the Band as a blushing
bride-to-be," said Nick, who had spent a considerable amount of time imagining
Beatrice in a number of different roles, none of them involving a standing position.
"I have better plan," said Kraki. "Vhy not kill all the
soldiers in castle? Then ve leave."
"I like Kraki's plan better," grumbled Timaeus. "Omnia
vincit amor, eh? You're really going to put your faith in that old saw?"
"Bah, d' Asperge," said Jasper roughly. "Where's your
sense of adventure? Of romance?"
"Taking a long and pleasant rest before the fire with a snifter of
brandy," said Timaeus.
Jasper snorted. "Let's go, shall we, Bertram? We'll obviously get
nothing out of this insensitive clod." He lifted from the armchair and headed toward
the door.
"Yes," said Bertram plaintively, "but what's this about
Uncle Broderick having designs on"
"Oh all right, all right, all right," said Timaeus irritably.
"Coming, coming. I don't suppose you have such a thing as a mackintosh about the
place?"
Rain spattered off cobbles. Sidney was soaked through by the time she
got to the door of Mistress Mabel's shop. The bat-shaped knob turned in her hand and the
door opened. The cat arched its back and backed away from her, spitting madly.
"Beewzy!" shouted Mabel. The old woman was on her feet before
the fire, cane raised as if to strike at the animal. "Where's yer manners?" The
animal fled into the dimness of the shop.
"Don't blame her," said Sidney apologetically. "She
smells a strange cat . . . It's only natural that she defend her home."
Mabel lowered the cane and rested her weight upon it. She did look
tired, thought Sidney; it had not merely been the light of day that had made her seem that
way. "I see," said Mabel thoughtfully. "Well, enow. Naow, let me see."
She hobbled over to one of her shelves and selected an enormous leather-bound tome. With
it under one arm, her free hand clutching her cane, she turned and began to hobble for the
table at the center of the rooma slow process,burdened as she was by the volume's
weight. "Here, let me," said Sidney, taking the book and placing it on the
table.
"Thankee," said Mabel, flinging the book open with a crash.
With authority, she spoke a Word. Between Mabel and the tome, a patch of air turned fuzzy;
Sidney, peering over Mabel's shoulder, saw the letters of the page grow enormously in
size, seen through the patch of air. Mabel's finger ran up and down the page, the patch of
fuzzy space following. Sidney presumed that the spell was intended to allow the old
witch's ailing eyes to read the small and rather crabbed letters of the tome.
Mabel turned several pages, ran a crooked finger down a line of text,
then moved aside so that Sidney could read and said, "Here," tapping an entry
and stifling a yawn.
" `Venenum Opinici,' " read Sidney aloud. " `We have
it on ancient authority that the venom of the opinicus is of especial efficacy. The
monster's poison sac lieth against the lower portion of the skull, hard by' "
"Niver mind," said Mabel impatiently. "Gie me
that." She took the book back, flipped a few pages, and said, "Read here."
Sidney cleared her throat and read once more. " `The earthly
nature of the venom of the opinicus, which may be refined from the raw venenum through
distillation and titration, is itself a poison, acting directly upon the black humors of
the body. In small doses (a grain per stone), it induceth confusion, echolalia, thickness
of speech, and black moods; at somewhat heavier doses, lassitude and depression, spasms,
seizures, and severe speech impediment, sometimes such that the subject may be incapable
of communication entirely. Above doses of a dozen grains per stone of body weight, it
induces terrible seizures, often leading to death . . .' This is horrible."
"Aye," said Mabel heavily. "So it be."
"You found traces of venenum on the twist of paper I
brought you?" Sidney asked.
"Aye," said Mabel.
Sidney reread the passage. "Is there anything to be done?"
she asked.
Mabel played with the knob of her cane. "Mayhap," she said.
"The venoom be quickly metabolized, ye ken. Barthord moost be remedicated every dee,
or so."
"You figured out that it was the baron?" asked Sidney.
" 'Twere nar great trick," snapped Mabel. "See here,
now. A sight increase in doosage, an' the owd man be dead. But, stop piesoning him, an'
he'rr recoover in a dee or two. Och, mayhap he'rr niver be quite the man he were, but
he'rr be in his oon right mind."
Sidney considered this for a moment. "I'm not sure we have a day
or two," she said.
"Och, aye," sighed Mabel wearily. "Wherefore have I
spent a seepress night, preparing a pootation." From under the table, she produced a
plain stone jug that, by the words baked into the glaze, had once held the ginger beer of
Jos. Eisdorfer, Brewer, Tsugash City, Lesser Dzorzia. "A sip or tee, and owd Barthord
wirr recoover on the instant, at a cost in strength and pain."
"This is wonderful, Mistress," said Sidney. "It is,
however, more than we had.bargained for. What do I owe you?"
"Nothing, rass," said Mabel roughly. "I sharr ask the
owd man foor recompense."
"The baron?" asked Sidney.
"Aye," said Mabel, hobbling over to the wall, where a heavy
shawl hung. She took it from the hook and flung it about her shoulders. "Sham we be
off?"
Sidney blinked. "I suppose there's no reason not to dose the baron
now," she said.
"Aye, aye, get a move on," said the old woman impatiently.
She had taken a broom, and sat astraddle it now,the straw up toward her face and the shaft
behind. She patted the shaft behind her, indicating that Sidney should take a seat.
"Is it wise to fly in such a storm?" asked Sidney; in truth,
it was raging outside still, rain slashing down onto the cobblestone street, visible even
through the grimy window.
"It'd take me a coon's age tee hobble oop the hill ersewise,"
said Mabel. "Coome naow, dammit."
So Sidney sat behind. Mabel shouted a Word, and the door flung open,
crashing against the outside of the building. Another Word, and the three of themthe
two women and the broomslashed out through the door and up into space, barely
missing the overhang of one of the buildings as they leapt into the sky.
Sidney clutched Mabel's ample waist for dear life, wondering how the
nearsighted old witch could see in the raging storm.
"How are you going to find her?" asked Nick as they climbed
the spiral stair.
"Sir Bertram," said Jasper. "Would you have anything
belonging to Beatrice? A piece of clothing, perhaps the arrow she used today? Anything
that might have come into contact"
"I have a lock of her hair," said Bertram, removing a small
packet from a pocket near his heart. "Would that do?"
Jasper halted in midair. Everyone else stopped climbing the stairway
with him. "Lock of hair?" he said, flitting about the ribbon-tied auburn strands
that Bertram displayed. "How did you get that?"
"Oh," said Bertram embarrassedly, tucking the envelope back
into his jacket, "we were childhood sweethearts, you know."
"No, I didn't know," said Jasper severely. "When was
this?"
"Well, you know, her father, Sir Benton of Bainbridge, was one of
the few noblemen around. She and I played as children, and when I was sixteen, I was quite
sweet on her."
"And then?"
"Well, and then, I went to university, you know," said
Bertram. "And well, with one thing and another, you know . . ."
"O thou inconstant heart," said Jasper accusingly. "No
wonder she thinks you're a twit."
"Did she really say that?"
Without another word, Jasper had begun flitting up the stairs again,
and the others likewise resumed their climb.
"Is that," said Timaeus, "the same Sir Benton your uncle
broke on the wheel?"
Bertram cleared his throat. "Afraid so," he said
apologetically. "Apparently the old man rebelled against my father, his
liege"
"You weren't here?"
"No, I was at Durfalus University. Father had his stroke, and
Uncle Broderick came from his own demesne, in the Lesser Dzorzia, to help out.
Apparently"
"And Benton, outraged at Broderick's usurpation, took arms to
defend Baron Barthold, his liege, against the conniving younger brother"
"You think so?" said Bertram thoughtfully. "That's not
how Broderick tells the story."
"Bertram," said Timaeus, almost fondly. "You really are
a twit, you know."
"I don't know," said Bertram. "You see, Uncle's been
very kind to me. I don't know how I'd manage the barony without"
"Of course he's been kind," said Timaeus irritably.
"You're a useful figurehead."
"Yes, but"
"Here we are," said Jasper cheerily. "Hand over the old
lock, my boy."
"Here" was a watchtower; the windows gave onto what might
have been a glorious view, if the wind and rain hadn't restricted visibility. Unlike much
of the rest of the castle, it had not been modernized; the windows were unglazed, and the
cold stone floor was slick with water swept through the windows by the breeze. Thunder
crashed outside as lightning blasted a pine tree, down there on the mountainside, into
flinders. Kraki was leaning out a window, into the rain, letting the wind whip his hair
and the water spatter against his skin, a fierce smile on his face. Timaeus shuddered and
drew the mackintosh he'd been lent close about his body.
Somewhat reluctantly, Bertram handed over the lock of hair to Jasper.
"What are you going to do with it?" he said.
"It's no good our blundering about the forest in search of
Beatrice," Jasper pointed out. "Your uncle and Captain Blentz are already doing
that, I imagine, and Beatrice, woodswise as she no doubt is, won't want to be found. We
shall have to use magical means."
"But how"
"I am a mage of the mental arts, dear boy," said Jasper
condescendingly. "There aren't too many human minds out there in the forest; the
region is lightly inhabited. Even so, picking out one would be difficult, without some
token of its person; but I have a lock of her hair, which, by the principle of similarity,
is tantamount to having Beatrice here, by our side. It shall be but the work of a moment
to locate her."
And as Jasper spoke Words of power, the green light spiraled up, up
over the heads of the others, into the air of the high tower chamber. Thunder crashed,
and
"I sense her," Jasper said. "To the north-northeast.
Come, we shall have to act quickly; I can maintain the spell for a time, but keeping it
active requires power."
"Right," said Timaeus, heading for the stairs. "We'll
have to get our horses."
"No," said Bertram. "I think not."
Timaeus looked up in alarm. "What do you"
"After all," said Bertram, "I am Magister
Aeris." And he began to chant. Thunder flashed and power drew about him.
"A wizard, too?" said Nick. "I hadn't
realized"
"Why do you think he went to university?" said Timaeus
irritably. But he looked rather worried.
"What's wrong?" said Nick.
"He's attempting a fly spell."
"Yes," said Nick. "That makes sense. So?"
Timaeus sighed. "Bertram did not exactly cover himself with
scholastic glory," he said.
"He didn't take a first?" said Jasper.
"No," said Timaeus. "Far from it. But that's not the
worst of it."
"No?" said Nick.
"No," said Timaeus. "Air mages have no power over
earthly human flesh, but great power over the zephyrs of the air."
"So?"
"So their idea of a fly spell is a tornado."
"What?" said Nick, alarmed.
But before Timaeus could respond, ears popped as air pressure
precipitously dropped. They were sucked forcibly out the tower window.
Timaeus flailed, his mackintosh flapping about him as he and the others
began to plummet down, down through driving rain, the ramparts of the castle speeding
upward toward them in the gray day, an instant of frozen terror
Another gust of wind smashed them upward at the lastinstant, whipping
them up and away, lofting them in a high curve out over the forest, out to the
north-northeast.
Was that a witch on a broom, there in the aether? Whatever, it was of
no account; they were soon far beyond the crone, whipping out over the wilderness,
tumbling willynilly through the sky.
The gust failed. Again they plummeted toward the forest green, enormous
firs like daggers stabbing upward into the sky as they fell
Again the wind gusted, whipping them upward and on.
Timaeus moaned, soaked to the skin, his mackintosh no use in this
wildness, stomach lurching, bile rising in his throat.
Firs whirled crazily below as they plunged downward, down, limbs
snapping, branches scratching faces, until they smashed into the needle-covered forest
floor.
There was a moment of silence, broken only by the whistle of the wind
through the trees above, the crash of thunder, the steady drip of rainand moans of
pain.
Jasper, who had flown under his own power, circled down. "What
ho," he said. "Bracing, what?"
Timaeus sat up, spitting out pine needles, wiping rotted leaves off his
face. His cheeks were scratched, bits of twig were stuck in his beard, and he was soaked
to the bone. "Bertram!" he roared. "By all the gods, I shall roast you
until your eyeballs pop! You silly twit, if you ever do that to me again, I'
ll"
There was a moan of agony. Kraki was stooped over Bertram's.form.
"Clench your fist, man," the barbarian said. "Breathe through the
pain."
"What's wrong?" asked Nick.
"S-sorry, chaps," came a ragged voice. "I seem to have
busted the old gam."
They all crowded around Bertram. He was white-faced; his right leg lay
at an awkward angle. Nick crouched, took out a dirk, then pulled away Bertram's hose and
ran a razor-sharp edge up the garment, splitting it open. There was a large bruise on the
front of the leg, where the bone pressed against the skin. "Not a clean break,"
was Nick's opinion. "I don't dare try to set it without a healer."
"Dandy," said Timaeus. He hauled out his pipe and thumbed the
bowl disconsolately; the weed was almost certainly too wet to light. "Well, perhaps I
won't kill you, Bertram, old son; looks like you're having a go at it yourself."
"Someone must go for help," said Kraki.
They considered this. In the wilderness, halfway up some mountain, with
no clear idea of their location, in the midst of a thunderstormthe prospect of help
seemed pretty remote.
"Ah," said Jasper. "Not to fear." And with that,
the green spark zipped aloft, into the cover of the branches above.
"Jasper, dammit!" shouted Timaeus. "What are you going
to"
"Hold, an you value your life," said a voice. There was a
thunk, and an arrow vibrated from the bole of a tree, not inches from Nick Pratchitt's
head.
"Not again," complained Nick.
"Well," said Timaeus, "we were looking for
trouble."
"I kill them now?" asked Kraki.
"Oh, I suppose not," said Timaeus.
"No more talk!" rang out that voice, and a slim, greenclad
figure stepped out from behind a tree, holding a bow of yew.
"Hallo, Be," said Bertram weakly.
"Watch out!" shouted Sidney into the rain-swept air. The
window, all glass and lead runners, loomed before them, flanked by the stone walls of
Biddleburg Castle
With a crash, they hurtled through the glass, tumbling to the stone
floor.
"Damn arr moodern contrivances to herr an' goone!" spat
Mabel. "Tha's where me tax mooney goes, instarring grass in every window in
Bidderburg Castle, by arr the demons!"
Mistress Mabel had a ragged cut in her left hand, but it did not appear
to be serious. Sidney herself felt uninjured, though she was soaking wet and chilled to
the bone. Glass and strips of lead lay everywhere across the room-a bedroom, apparently
untenanted at present. At least there were no trunks, bags, or personal accoutrements,
though the bed was made and the room recently cleaned. Sidney had no idea where in the
castle they might be.
"First thing is to find the others," said Sidney.
"Broderick will be hard-pressed to stop us, with Timaeus and Kraki to lend a
hand"
"Brodick be oot in the woods, searching foor Beatrice," said
Mabel. "Nar need to woory aboot him, foor the nonce." She was hobbling for the
doorway.
"Pardon me, Mistress," said Sidney apologetically, "but
perhaps we'd move faster if I carry you." And she swept the older woman up.
"How oondignified," said Mabel. "Hurry, hurry, hurry.
Tha's the trooble with this new generation." But she clasped her arms about Sidney's
neck, and suffered herself to be carried.
Mabel was heftier than she appeared; by the time Sidney reached the
Great Hall, she was staggering. .She let Mabel gratefully down on a bench.
"Timaeus!" she shouted. "Jasper! Kraki! Halloo!"
There was no reply.
"Nick? Vincianus?"
Still no reply.
"Where the blazes can they be?" she demanded.
Mabel sighed. "I terr ye, yer friends are not important, naow. We
moost find the baron, and dose him, afore Brodick retairns."
"No one else is here," said Sidney in annoyance. "What
makes you think"
"Nnnn-nnnn-nnn," said a voice from an armchair. It was at the
far end of the enormous room, facing away from Sidney and Mabel and toward the fire. Mabel
rose, and the two women walked toward it.
"I might ha' know," said Mabel disgustedly. There was the
sharp odor of whisky. Kraki had left Baron Barthold with a flask of Moothlayan
single-malt, but without a glass; alone and bored, Barthold had removed the stopper and
had tried to sip whisky through the flask's narrow neck. Unfortunately, his coordination
was not up to the task, and he had splashed nearly as much of the whisky on his neck and
clothes as he had managed to get into his mouth. Even so, he gave them a loopy smile;
Sidney judged he was well potted.
"My lord," said Sidney, "Mistress Mabel has prepared a
potation that, we believe, will cure your illness."
"Nnnn-nnnn!" said Barthold, waving a liver-spotted
hand that, unfortunately, held the flask of whisky, sloshing more of
the liquid onto his armchair. There was the glint of panic in his eyes.
"Naow, naow," said Mabel. "Settle doon. Not that stooff
that Brodick hath been feeding ye; he's been piesoning ye by degrees, ye ken."
Barthold's face lit up, and he nodded his head rapidly.
"Nnn-nnn-nnn!" he said emphatically.
"You knew that?" said Sidney. "Why didn't you let
Bertram know?"
Barthold rolled his eyes.
"Never mind," said Sidney, chuckling. "Here. Mistress
Mabel says it's good for what ails you." She held the jug up to his lips, and the
baron greedily swallowed.
When his teeth began to rattle against the jug, Sidney decided he'd had
enough. She pulled away. The old man was sitting bolt upright in the armchair, vibrating
like a tuning fork, his face as red as a beet, the knuckles of his hand white around the
neck of the whisky flask. Sidney tried to take it from him, but his grip was too tight.
He shook this way for a minute or twoMabel began to look
concerned, and took a wrist to measure his pulse.
But at last, he slumped back into the chair.
There was a long moment of silence, while Barthold rested.
Then, a rusty, aged voice sang,
"John o' dell hath run awayand I am full of sorrow.my heart left with him on the
dayand shan't come back tomorrow."
Barthold sat upright and opened his eyes. "By Dion," he said,
"I can speak."
VI.
Timaeus, Nick, and Kraki sat with bound arms. Timaeus was red with
anger at the indignity. Nick looked preoccupied, as indeed he was; he was busy pulling a
strip of sharpened metal out of his left sleeve with the fingers of his right hand. He
kept it there for just such eventualities, and was reasonably confident of severing his
bonds within minutes. Kraki looked unruffled; he, too, was reasonably confident he could
free himself in short order, albeit through brute strength rather than any such clever
stratagem.
"Firefies cooming oot wi' the end of the rain," said a
bandit, shooing Jasper's green light away with the swat of a hand. Jasper dodged quickly
enough to avoid contact.
Bertram lay, unbound, at the center of an attentive group of bandits,
Beatrice with them. A fat friar felt all over Bertram's leg, his hands glowing faintly
blue. "Compound fracture," the friar said cheerily. "Have you right as rain
in half a tick." He chanted a bit, and poured some wine ontothe ground as an
offering, then bent his tonsured head over Bertram's leg again. "Shan't hurt a
bit," he said, placing one hand on each side of the break and giving the leg a
sudden, vicious twist.
"Aaaaaaaaaaah!" screamed Bertram.
Kraki scowled. "Get hold of yourself," he said sternly.
"Are you a voman?" Beatrice turned to smile faintly at the barbarian.
"If that's your idea of not hurting" said Bertram.
"Now, now, chin up," said the friar. "Here, have a
swallow of this." And he gave the young noble a wineskin.
Bertram squirted a bit into his mouth, grimaced, and swallowed.
"It has medicinal qualities, I suppose?" he said dubiously.
"Oh, aye, aye, medicinal qualities," chuckled the friar.
"Drink enough of that, and you'll feel no pain, I'll warrant. Drink too much, and
you'll be dancing up the trees, busted gam or no." He took up a chant again, moving
his hands up and down Bertram's leg. "Bed rest for a week, me lad," he said.
"Keep that leg immobile; I'll rig up a splint for you. And you'll need a cane for a
week after that."
"Thank you, Brother," said Bertram.
"Not at all," said the friar.
"What do you in the greenwood, Sir Bertram?" asked Beatrice
coolly.
"Looking for you, actually," said Bertram, almost
apologetically.
"Indeed?" said Beatrice, slightly surprised.
"Well," said Bertram. "Actually, I came because ...
Well. In springtime, a young man's fancyNo, that's not how to put it. How shall I
begin?"
"At the beginning," suggested Beatrice, slightly testily.
"Erryes," said Bertram. "UmLook here,
Beatrice. You were marvelous at the fair, you know. First-rate marksmanship"
Oh, stop babbling, you idiot, said a voice in Bertram's skull.
"Who said that?" said Bertram.
"Who said what?" said Beatrice. "Speak up, Sir Bertram,
and yarely. Our Band has many tasks to which we must attend, foremost among them the
evasion of our pursuers. We have not the time for persiflage. Spit it out."
I said that, said Jasper. Jasper de Mobray. Telepathically, to
belabor the point.
"Do I have to talk back?" said Bertram.
No, thinking will do, said Jasper.
"Sir Bertram," said Beatrice coolly, "my patience is
sore pressed. We must choose between taking you hostage and abandoning you here; I am
inclined to keep you as our captive, perhaps to bait a trap for the usurper. But I demand
to know your reason for pursuing us. Are you in truth in your uncle's pay, as many
claim?"
Ask to speak to her alone, said Jasper.
"Ahmay we speak privately?" said Bertram.
"Wherefore?" demanded Beatrice.
You have a message for her ears alone, said Jasper.
"I have a message for your ears alone," said Bertram. I do?
he thought.
"Oh, well enow," said Beatrice, turning to the bandits.
"Good my fellows, Sir Bertram and I shall talk en privй; I bid you, give us
space in which to converse."
"But mistress," protested a bandit. "He may intend ye
harm"
"Am I some silly wench, to require your protection?" demanded
Beatrice. "Move off, an I command ye." "Bertram, what the devil are you up
to?" asked Timaeus worriedly.
"Don't worry," said Bertram uncertainly.
"Don't worry?" grumbled Timaeus to Nick as they were led
away. "There's no telling what the twit will do."
Now then, said Jasper.
"Now then," said Bertram.
Don't parrot me, damn it, said Jasper. I was just saying
"Now what?" said Beatrice. "See, here are my ears; where
is your message for them?"
Look here, said Jasper. Bring up some fond remembrance.
"Remember that beauteous May, when we wove garlands out of the new-blossomed buds,
" something like that.
"Beatrice," said Bertram, looking a little desperate.
"Remember the time we climbed Mount Arsna, and picked blueberries together?"
"Yes," said Beatrice, leaning against a tree, strung bow in
one hand but no arrow nocked. "You put a spider down my dress, as I recall."
You did that? said Jasper.
"Yes, but ... Oh, it's no use. Look here, Beatrice. I'm hopelessly
in love with you. I know it's useless, but"
"You're what?" said Beatrice incredulously, pushing away from
the tree.
"Yes, I know, dash it all, not very romantic to put it like that,
but there it is, you know. I can't imagine why I didn't see it years ago. I"
"Well, I like that," said Beatrice. "You disappear off
to school, never a letter; your uncle tortures my da to death, systematically loots the
barony, and dispossesses widows and orphans while you look benevolently on"
"Well, ah, I know there's been an increase in taxes," said
Bertram apologetically, "but Pater did let the roads get into terrible repair,
and"
"Have you seen anyone fixing the roads?" demanded Beatrice,
face reddening, her freckles becoming even more prominent. "And be quiet until I'm
done! 'Struth, you haven't the brains of a newt, Sir Bertram de Biddleburg. If anyone had
a duty to interest himself in the barony and see that justice was done after your father
fell ill, it was you; and yet there you sit in that damned castle, lapping up Broderick's
lies and taking your ease, while"
"Well"
"Be silent!" shouted Beatrice, chest heaving with emotion.
"You love me, you say? Pah! I'd sooner have a greep for a lover!" And she turned
sharply away and strode for the bandits, who looked quite interested, having caught at
least the end of this exchange.
Bertram groaned. "That's it then," he said miserably.
"Could you lend me a dagger or something, Jasper? So I can kill myself now and save
everybody the trouble?"
A chuckle came from the "firefly." "Buck up, old
son," said Jasper. "You did rather well, I thought. At least you got it
out."
"But she despises me," moaned Bertram.
"Opposites live side by side in the human heart," said
Jasper.
"What is that supposed to mean?" said Bertram.
"And how are you, my dear lady?" asked the Right Honorable,
the Lord Barthold, Baron Biddleburg, as he tottered unsteadily from his chair.
"Sit ye doon, ye owd foor," said Mabel. "Ye'rr be weak
yet."
"And thank you too, Miss?" said Barthold, sinking back
into the armchair.
"Stollitt," said Sidney. "Sidney Stollitt."
"Where is that weasel Broderick?" asked Barthold weakly.
"Oot wi' his men, hoonting poor Beatrice doon, I warrant,"
said Mabel, peering into Barthold's eyes and thumping his chest.
"He won't have taken the whole guard," said Barthold. "I
must rouse them against him, bar the castle gate, send word to the folk in the town
below"
"Werr, ye're fit enow," said Mabel. "Ye ought tee be in
bed, me boy."
"I'm not your boy, madam," said Barthold, reaching out and
giving Mabel a resounding slap on the flank. "Though there was a time when I wouldn't
have minded being."
"Nar a' that," said Mabel, grabbing his wrist but sounding
more pleased than scandalized.
"Do I have your gracious permission to hobble to the armory?"
asked Barthold.
"Nar, ye dee not," said Mabel. "Ye're tee weak
stirr." Sidney sighed; her arms still ached from carrying Mabel. "I'll have to
carry him," she said resignedly.
Mabel chuckled. "Gee on apace, then," she said. "I sharr
coome a'ter."
Luckily, thought Sidney, Barthold was not too great a burden; the
stress of the poison had reduced him to skin and bones, and he had not been a large man to
begin with. Still, Sidney walked as quickly as she was able, more because she wished to
rid herself of the weight than because she felt a need for speed. With Barthold to direct
her, it did not take long to find the armory.
Within, a half dozen soldiers lounged about, some snoozing, a few
dicing. Weapons were scattered here and there, but none of the lot wore armor.
Sidney set Barthold down in the doorway, letting his feet drop before
standing him up. The baron peered about at the men.
"Hallo," said one of the soldiers, spying the two in the
doorway. "Who's that?"
"It's the old man," said another. "And that wench with
Bertie's friends."
The first elbowed the second in the ribs. "Where's your manners,
Gaston?" he demanded. "With Sir Bertram's friends. How do you do, miss?
May we help you?"
"Now, you louts," said Barthold, his thin voice giving hint
of former power, "on your feet! I want the portcullis down and the watchtower manned.
And I"
"He's talking!" said one of the soldiers.
" 'Sblood, Marek," said Gaston. "You do have a talent
for stating the obvious."
"That's bad," said Marek, worriedly. "Sir Broderick
won't like it."
"By all the gods, I gave you an order!" shouted Barthold.
"I'm the head of this household, and I demand that you prepare to defend this castle
against my damnable brother!"
The soldiers looked worriedly at one another. "Meaning no offense,
my lord," said one at last, "but Sir Broderick's the one who issues our
pay."
"II never . . . ," sputtered Barthold.
"In fact, we'd better hold him until Sir Broderick returns,"
said Gaston worriedly.
"Are you sure?" said Marek. "I mean, he is the baron; if
we do the wrong thing, we could wind up"
While the soldiers debated, Barthold turned and began to march away.
Sidney backed away from the door with him.
Several soldiers grabbed weapons and headed for the door. Cursing,
Sidney snatched at the knife in her thigh sheath. She had not thought it necessary to wear
weapons to the Feast of Grimaeus, and had not been back to her room since the morning;
only a reluctance to go wholly unarmed had made her wear this unobtrusive blade.
"Now, ma'am," said Gaston, "that's really not necessary.
We're just going to hold you until Sir Broderick returns. There's no need for
violence."
Looking at six swords, Sidney sighed. "I'm sorry, Lord
Barthold," she said. "I think we'd better do as they say."
Barthold's mouth was a thin line above his weak chin. "I agree, my
dear," he said.
Down the corridor, Mabel slipped around the corner;Sidney saw her out
the side of her eye. With relief, Sidney realized that the witch knew of their
predicament.
Bertram lay in a makeshift stretcher, the poles trimmed saplings, a
torn blanket slung between them. The bandits were evidently ready to move.
Beatrice surveyed Timaeus, Kraki, and Nick. "What shall we do with
you?" she said.
"Och, Beatrice," said one of the bandits. "We hae nar
choice but tee kirr them. We canna leave hostires behind oor back."
Kraki looked up at this and smiled. "Good," he said. He
bounded to his feet, wrenched his hands free of his bonds with a grunt, and charged into
the bandits, knocking them asprawl. There were shouts of anger, and soon Kraki was in a
tangle of men, arms and fists flying, quarterstaves thumping uselessly at such close
quarters. Beatrice danced about, shouting orders.
There was a sudden bang and a flash of light. Beatrice turned toward
itTimaeus stood there, freed of his bonds, urbanely tamping his pipe, while Nick,
likewise free, had grabbed a quarterstaff and was swinging it experimentally. He was
familiar with urban stick fighting, but such a large stick was beyond his experience.
"Really, Lady Beatrice, there is no need for this," said
Timaeus.
"It was not in my mind to order you slain," she said
irritably. "The barbarian acted in hasty wise"
"Yes, yes," said Timaeus. There was another
explosionBeatrice ducked as flames enveloped Timaeus's head, but soon realized this
was not an attack. The wizard puffed contentedly on his pipe, smoke curling out into
pine-scented air. "He's having a ball, I have no doubt. Call them off, and we shall
discuss the matter."
"Gervais!" shouted Beatrice, turning toward the struggling
knot of men. "Egbert! William! Enough! Break off, I charge ye!"
Gradually, the fighters untangled themselves, leaving a panting,
grinning, black-eyed Kraki standing at the center, on the balls of his feet and ready for
a renewed struggle. The bandits looked considerably more battered than he. "What is
problem?" said Kraki. "I have not yet even broken any bones!"
"You see, my lady," said Timaeus, "you make a mistake in
believing that we are your enemies."
"Even so?" said Beatrice skeptically. "We have robbed
you; you sup at the usurper's table; you accompany this fool." She gestured toward
Bertram, who winced at being so described. "What should I take you for but
foes?"
"My good lady," said Timaeus, "on the contrary, we have
come to join your band."
"I beg your pardon?" she said, arching a skeptical eyebrow.
"I can't imagine why you should think elsewise," said
Timaeus, pausing for another puff. "Our good friend, Sir Bertram, has broken with his
uncle, recognizing at last the evil he has wrought within the barony. In companionship, we
join with him, as he comes to plead his love for the beauteous Beatrice."
There were jeers and hoots from her men at this.
"You've broken with Broderick?" Beatrice demanded of Bertram.
"Well, ah, that is" said Bertram. The light that was
Jasper darted down from the trees and gave Bertram's leg a sharp jostle. "Ouch! Yes,
I've broken with Uncle Brod."
"Well, why didn't you say so, Bertie," said Beatrice, shaking
her head, "instead of going on about the need to fix up the roads? I mean,
really."
"Well, ah; the decision was a rather sudden one ...... said
Bertram plaintively.
"If you have in truth come to join your fortunes withour own,
Bertie," said Beatrice, "we shall find good use for you. But you, friend wizard;
how can I know to trust you?"
"Well ... you know," said Timaeus, "glad to help out a
fellow Old Durfalian. I mean, old school ties are the ties that bind, and ... and so
forth." He saw that this logic was not having the intended effect on Beatrice. He
gave a cough and tried again. "As it happens, we have a rather valuable cargo, which
good Sir Broderick has been plotting to seize, killing us in the bargain."
"Verily, that sounds like the man," said Beatrice, "but
how did you learn of this scheme?"
"We have our means," said Timaeus. "Don't we, Jasper.
"Quite so," said Jasper, inches away from Beatrice's left
ear. She started and whirledto see nothing but a point of green light.
"Your servant," said Jasper, bobbing.
"Isee," said Beatrice.
"Indeed," said Timaeus, "it would be in our interest to
remove Sir Broderick from power."
Beatrice arched an eyebrow. "My aims are not so grandiose,"
she said. "My men are doughty, but 'gainst hardened warriors .. ." She shrugged.
Timaeus puffed smoke thoughtfully. "Even with magical
support?" he suggested. "And the legitimate heir at the van?"
"At the van ... ?" said Bertram, looking faintly ashen.
"We shall have to hold council," said Beatrice, smiling and
serious.
Sir Broderick stamped into the guardroom, scattering water from his
waxen coat, a floppy felt hat on his head. "Damnation, Blentz!" he thundered.
"I've had it up towhat's Barthold doing down here?"
The baron, who had been napping in an armchair, woke up with a start.
"Good day, brother," he said dangerously. "How d'ye do, you despicable
swine."
Broderick was obviously startled, but quickly rallied. "Good
heavens, an unexpected-and remarkably rapidrecovery. Well, this is good news. Glad to see
you back on your"
"I shall expect an immediate accounting of your expenditures since
your arrival here," said the baron, "and access to your files. To start with,
you may order these men to release me; they seem to be under the
misapprehension"
"See, here, Barthold," said Broderick. "You don't seem
to understand"
"I understand quite well!" said Barthold, standing unsteadily
up in rage. "I am giving you a chance to make amends! Cooperate, and I shall do my
best to see that your reputation emerges from this mess unbesmirched"
"Oh, shut up," snapped Broderick. "You always were a
moralistic jackass, do you know that, Barthold? Marek, Gastontake him to the
dungeon."
Blentz, puffing and red-faced, sparse hair plastered to his skull with
the wet, had come into the room in time to hear the end of this exchange. "Sir
Broderick," he said. "Is that wise? If word gets out"
"Be quiet, Blentz," said Broderick, sinking down in the
armchair that Barthold had vacated. He seemed unhappy, surprisingly calm, almost moody.
"I see no alternative," he muttered to himself.
Blentz looked as if he had something to say, but held his tongue.
Abruptly, Broderick became aware that Sidney was still present, sitting
on the floor with her back to the wall.
"Damnation," he said. "And a witness, too. Better lock
her up as well. Separate cells, mind."
They moved through the dripping woods. From ahead and to the flank,
birdcalls came: not the natural song of the wild, but reports from Beatrice's scouts. At
present, Beatrice wished to avoid contact with Broderick's men, something she could best
achieve with advance warning of their presencehence the need for scouts. Timaeus was
impressed with this show of military expertise on the part of a pack of peasants and
woodsmen.
He, Nick, and Kraki walked with Beatrice. Bertram and his bearers
brought up the rear. Though this was climax forest, with little ground cover, the bearers
were forced to step over fallen logs or dodge tree limbs from time to time. The stretcher
was rarely level, and often jostled. Bertram was still suffering considerable pain, and
the unevenness of the path did nothing to relieve it. He had been quite happy, therefore,
when Jasper had resumed their sub rosa conversation; at least it kept his mind off
his leg.
Well, all right, Jasper, said Bertram, if you fellows really
think it's wise, I'll go along. But, I mean, good heavens, we're talking about war.
Brother against brother, sword and flames, blood in the streets sort of thing.
Fiddlesticks, said Jasper, flitting above the stretcher. Do you
want Beatrice or not?
Well, yes, rather, said Bertram.
Well, then, it's obvious enough, isn't it? Misled by your evil uncle,
you aided him in his usurpation of your father's demesne, but now love has burgeoned in
your breast. The beautiful Beatrice has shown you the error of your ways, the
scales have fallen from your eyes, epiphany has struck bolt-like from the heavens, and so
forth and so on. Therefore, as the valiant young heir of the House of Biddleburg, you will
ride forth, rally the folk of the realm, and lead them, together with the doughty woodsmen
of the Band of Beatrice, 'gainst Biddleburg Castle. Having gained the ramparts, you will
free your father from durance vile, wed the noble Beatrice, and unite the people of your
realm, former rebel and loyal townsman alike, in glorious harmony. Wedding bells ring, the
heroic couple walk off into the sunset, hallelujah and hooray, omnia vincit amor.
Yes, well, said Bertram, it sounds very neat. But, you know, I'm
really not the blood-and-thunder type. You want someone like, like your friend Kraki
Kraki? Nonsense, not his style at all. He'd just kill everyone in
sight, and sell everyone else into slavery. No, for this kind of job, you want the young
but stalwart heir
Oh, come on, Jasper, whined Bertram, there's no point, really.
She despises me, I'm completely useless as a man of war, I'm
Snap out of it, said Jasper, practically shouting in Bertram's
brain. Do you want her or not?
Well, rather.
Then play the role. Besides, chin up. She did call you Bertie, after
all.
She did, didn't she? said Bertram. Do you think that's a good
sign?
My dear chap, said Jasper, I think the thing is practically in
the bag.
Mr. Bates rang the gong in the Great Hall; it was dinnertime at
Biddleburg Castle. He stood stiffly by the main entrance, ready to guide the guests to
their appointed places. An antipasto was on the table, and back in the kitchen the chef
de cuisine had already prepared a cold vichyssoise, a melange of fresh
vegetables, and the dessert, a Carte aux framboises, and was busy with the
finishing touches for the rack of lamb with rosemary. Mr. Bates, who was no mean
trencherman himself, rather hoped that Sir Broderick would eschew another of his
interminable hunting stories tonight, as the butler hoped to retire to the Steward's Room
as quickly as possible, in search of his own sustenance. Rack of lamb was one of Bates's
particular favorites.
Broderick arrived, looking a little flustered; he had barely had enough
time to change out of his wet things and into appropriate garb for dinner. "A bit of
the Moothlayan, Bates, if you please," he said, and gravely accepted three fingers of
whisky.
Broderick paced a bit about the hall, sipping his drink, while Bates
stood as impassively as ever. After several minutes, Blentz opened the door and walked
rather awkwardly into the room. He'd been asaddle all day, and his thighs were feeling the
strain.
"Where's Bertram," snapped Broderick, "and his damnfool
friends?"
"Haven't seem them," said Blentz shortly, sagging into an
armchair.
"What about it, Bates?" demanded Broderick.
"If ye please, sor," said the butler, "I've nar seen
them since the morning. Sharr I inquire amoong the staff?"
"Please," said Broderick, and so the butler departed.
Blentz stared moodily into the fire, and Broderick poured himself
another drink. After several minutes, Bates returned.
"I'm soorry, sor," he said, "but the staff has seen nar
hide nar hair oof Sir Bertram, nar oof his friends, since the incident doon in the
toon."
Broderick was rather alarmed at this news. "Neither hide nor
hair?" he said incredulously. "I thought I saw them leaving the square toward
the castle as we set out in pursuit of the rebels."
"Mayhap, sor," said Bates apologetically. "The staff was
in toon, ye ken, foor the festivities, and did not return tirr later. They may hae coome,
and departed."
"Departed for where?" asked Blentz tiredly.
"Begging your pardon, sor," said Bates, "boot I canna
say."
Blentz groaned. "I suppose you'll want me out searching the woods
again," he said to Broderickbut the man was gone, running out the door.
Blentz sat up and peered at the antipasto. He was famished, but it
would not do to start in on the food, not before everyone else arrived. He and Bates
exchanged glances, both feeling rather put-upon.
"Shall I bring in a cheese tray, sir?" inquired Bates.
Blentz smiled in relief. "Just the thing, Mr. Bates," he
said. "Thank you very much.".
"Noot at arr, sir."
Broderick and Bates returned almost simultaneously, Broderick, in a
reversal of roles, holding open the door so that Bates, bearing an enormous silver platter
set with crackers and a large wheel of brie, could enter the room. "They left the
wagon," Broderick said with satisfaction.
Blentz blinked a minute; he had forgotten about the wagon. "And
the statue"
"Still there," said Broderick.
"May I take it, sor," asked Bates, "that we wirr be ony
three at dinner?"
"Three?" said Broderick.
"You, sor," said Bates, "the good captain; and the
baron, of coorse."
Broderick blinked. "Ah, I see," he said. "No, Mr. Bates,
my brother won't be coming down to dinner tonight; he's somewhat indisposed, I'm
afraid."
"Sharr I have a tray taken oop, sor?"
Broderick cleared his throat. "Ah-no, thank you, Mr. Bates; why
don't you bring the tray here, and I shall take it up myself, after supper."
Bates's impassive faced betrayed nothing, but internally he felt a
quiver of alarm. Why would Sir Broderick want to prevent him from seeing Sir Barthold?
"Just as ye say, sor," he murmured. "If ye wirr take your paces, then,
gentermen, I sharr ca' the wine steward."
The fire crackled; they burned hemlock, a wood notorious for sparking.
It was down to the embers now. About the camp, snores resounded. Nick found himself
wakeful.
In such a mood, he knew, it was pointless to lie abed, mind whirring
uselessly. He got up and went to relieve himself and drink at the purling stream.
Returning, he caught sight of a figure: Someone stood atop the rise
that flanked their campsite. Nick's breath caught; the profile was indubitably that of a
woman. He climbed upward.
Up here, there was little sound; merely the soft breeze, soughing
through the pines. The stars spread gem-like across the velvet sky. Beatrice stood gazing
at them, one booted foot atop a boulder, leaning on the shaft of her bow.
"Beautiful, isn't it?" Nick said.
"Aye," said she, half turning toward him. "'Tis nearly
enough, the glory of creation, to justify the vileness of mankind."
"Are all men vile, then?" asked Nick, standing closer to her.
He drank in her scent; to another, the smell would not have been attractive. There was
rarely time or opportunity to bathe, in the greenwood, as Beatrice's odor gave evidence,
but to Nick, at that moment, it seemed the veriest perfume of paradise.
"Vile enow," said she.
"I'd show you different," Nick murmured.
She permitted him to kiss her, then drew away. "I think not,"
she said:
He smiled quizzically at her. "Life is short," he said,
"and pleasure fleeting; we must take it where we may. How better to spend an hour, in
this soft air, under the distant stars?"
"Fool," said Beatrice softly. "How do you imagine a
woman may lead this band of bandits? Either I must have all men, or none."
"Who's to know?" said Nick, reaching an arm around her waist.
"Actions have consequences," said she, lifting his hand away.
"And youth and love must have its way," said Nick.
Beatrice laughed. "Sirrah," she said, "to hear you speak
of love is even less credible than to hear it from Sir Bertram.
Nick gave an unwilling smile. "Well," he said, "if you
won't, you won't."
"And I won't," she softly said.
Nick nodded and trudged down the slope, back to his bedroll, where he
spent a sleepless, lust-tortured night.
Beatrice got little more sleep than he. Broderick, she
saw, watching the wheeling stars, had robbed her of her youth, as well
as her inheritance. The latter she might regain, but the former was forever gone.
VII.
At dawn, Master Gorham, the stonewright, stood at the center of Bain
Bridge, for which the barony's second town was named, staring critically down at the
bridge's stone supports. The River Bain was swollen with yesterday's rain, white water
crashing down its channel. Master Gorham had lived with that noise all his days, the
constant susurrus of the stream against which Bainbridge lay, a comforting burbling that
lulled the citizens of the town to sleep each night. He hardly noticed the sound most
days, but this morning had been woken by a change in its tenor. The stream had been full
before the rains, still running with snow melt from the high mountain peaks above
Biddleburg; but rain had swollen it almost to its banks.
It was not flooding that concerned Gorham; the Bain's channel was deep.
Rather, he was concerned for the bridge.
It was impossible to tell from this vantage, but he feared that the
waters were undermining the piers, the stone pillars on which Bain Bridge stood. In
earlier days, the mere suspicion would have been enough to charm a fat contract for repair
from Baron Biddleburg; alas, Sir Broderick was a more tightfisted man. Worse than that,
thought Master Gorham; he was a tyrant, or so the citizens of Bainbridge accounted him,
for he had hanged a half dozen of the townsfolk's men, in punishment for their support of
Sir Benton's rebellion. Broderick would be letting no contracts to Bainbridge's
stonemason, Master Gorham told himself, no matter the state of the bridge's repair.
Because he was up so early, and on the bridge that led into town,
Gorham was the first to spy the approach of Beatrice and her men. He looked at them
wide-eyed for a moment, then turned and hurtled toward the village.
By the time Beatrice and the others arrived, half the village was
already in the courtyard before the Greep Couchant, the inn at the center of town. In
better times, the whole community would have turned out for such an event; but half the
village, apparently, thought discretion the better part of valor, and had no desire to
risk meeting rebels, in revolt against a lord who had proven his vindictiveness,
especially well-armed rebels who might prove as dangerous as the enemy they fought. Sir
Broderick had few friends in Bainbridge town; but that did not mean that the Band had
many.
"Madam Helsing, Master Gorham, Mistress Entright," said
Beatrice, nodding to folk she had known from childhood, "I bid ye well."
"Get ye gone froom here!" shouted Madam Helsing. "We hae
suffered enow in your famiry's cause. Why dee ye endanger us again?"
"Be quiet, woman!" shouted Mistress Entright. "E'er has
the house of Bainbridge served the toon well! Wourd ye kiss the whip tha' scourges
ye?"
"Marss Beatrice," said Master Gorham worriedly, "toomany
toonsfolk hae suffered for us to greet you joyfurry. Can we ask why you"
"What, you too, Master Gorham?" said Beatrice.
Gorham looked blank for a moment.
"I am not `Miss Beatrice,' " she said, projecting her voice
like one accustomed to addressing crowds, speaking in a conversational tone but with
sufficient volume to reach everyone present. "Nor Mademoiselle Beatrice, nor yet
Madam Beatrice. Sir Benton, my father, is dead; he hath no male issue. Wherefore, I
inherit his title and demesne; I hight Lady Beatrice, a peeress of right, though Baron
Barthold has not yet received my oath of fealty. Before he may do so, he must be freed
from his brother, who usurps"
"So said yer father, and see what good it did him!" said
Madam Helsing.
"Though Sir Brodick's rure be oonerous and his taxes bear heavy,
it wourd seem to be lawfur," said Master Gorham apologetically. "He says he acts
foor the baron while Barthord is sick, and he has the suppoort of Sir Bertram, the heir.
You say he is a usurper, but lacking proof'
I say she's right!" said a voice from behind Beatrice, from amid
her Band.
"Who speaks?" said Master Gorham.
"Stand me up, lads," said Bertram. They set down his
stretcher and helped him to a standing position, a shoulder under each arm to bear him
aloft despite his broken leg. "I do, good sir," said Bertram.
"You say your ooncle acts wi' oot the baron's consent?" asked
Gorham skeptically.
"Well, you know, the old pater doesn't seem to be in much shape to
consent to anything. That is, the old We is more than a little au fouillis. Ding
dong, nobody home, if you follow my drift."
"Then," said Gorham slowly, "the right tee rule descends
on the shouders oof the heir. So it is oop tee ye tee determine whether Sir Brodick acts
legarry oor nar."
"Well, Uncle Brod does seem rather to have taken advantage of the
situation, what? All these taxes and such; heaven only knows where the money is going. And
to kill Sir Benton-I mean, going a bit far, I thought. The old relative has overstayed his
welcome, if you ask me. A bit. He needs a firm talking to, I believe."
"Do ye suppoort Lady Be in her reberrion against Sir Brodick,
then, Bertram, our baron-to-be?" shouted Mistress Entright.
"Err, well, perhaps," said Bertram. Timaeus gave him a poke.
"That is to say, I suppose so." Beatrice turned toward him, fire in her eyes.
"Yes, definitely," Bertram added hurriedly. "Unquestionably. We must rise
and march on Biddleburg Castle! All hail the revolution! One for all and all for one! Down
with the usurper! Bainbridge, arise! Fight, Durfalus, fight! And, er ... so forth."
"Hurrah!" shouted Mistress Entright. "Hurrah foor
Beatrice and Sir Bertram!"
Suddenly, there were caps in the air; everyone was leaping about like
mad and shouting and hugging each other. Madam Helsing and a few of the others seemed
unconvinced still, but Master Gorham, at least, was soberly nodding. Though he was not as
exuberant in his support as many others, it was clear that the crowd was on Beatrice's
side. The townsfolk were in and among Beatrice's men, now, slapping them on the back, the
hostility between town and forester forgotten. "Donec ero felix, " someone
shouted, the motto of the House of Biddleburg, and soon the crowd took it up as a chant.
Beatrice was flushed with righteous fire, while Bertram looked surprised and rather
pleased with the dramatic effects of his words. "Donec ero felix, " they
shouted, the words resounding across the valley, echoing from the mountains.
"Yes," said Timaeus to Jasper, "only let us hope we
are."
As dungeons went, reflected Sidney, the one below Biddleburg Castle was
far from the worst. Not that Sidney was a great connoisseur of dungeons; the only one she
had ever visited, before now, was the one in Urf Durfal, where she had briefly been
interred on a petty larceny charge, and while that had been dank and gloomy, it had been
no worse accommodation than the cheaper sort of rented flat in the dingier slums of the
city. Her cellmates had complained of the rats, but the rodents had merely served as
between-meals snacks for Sidneyand not for long, as the bars of the cell had been
wide enough for a cat to squeeze between them. She had left before the charge against her
had been brought before a grand jury; she imagined it was still outstanding.
Still, even if Sidney's personal experience with dungeons was limited,
she had heard the usual tales, of ratinfested filth, dark tortures by the light of fires
in which red-hot irons lay, and so forth. This sort of thing was a staple of popular
fiction, though the role of the dungeon in such works varied, depending on whether the
story was intended to be edifying, entertaining, or prurient. Neither the dungeon of Urf
Durfal nor this one lived up to the standards of fiction: no despairing graffiti, no
distant screams, no aged lunatics capering in nearby cells, no hooded torturers
considering their tools.
The dungeon of Biddleburg Castle, unlike that of Urf Durfal, was not
dank. There were a mere four cellsno doubt crime was not a particular problem in so
small a realmand while they evidently hadn't been dusted in some time, neither could
they quite be described as filthy. Their guard, far from being a sadistic, hunchbacked
maniac, was a fat little man named Lem, who sat in a room down the corridor, playing
endless games of solitaire and munching on apples. The closest Biddleburg Castle came to
torture, apparently, was the impossibility of avoiding the noises Lem made in the course
of these activities: "Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle. Crunch, munch, munch. Flip,
flip, flip, flip, flip. Crunch, munch, munch, munch." Sidney could have done
without it, although, to be sure, it was greatly preferable to a red-hot poker in the eye.
Indeed, not only was the dungeon less than horrific, some attention had
actually been paid to the comfort of its occupants; Sidney's cell held both a chamber pot
and an upholstered, if rather lumpy, sofa, which had served quite well as her bed for the
night. Sidney wondered at the intelligence of whatever servant had placed the sofa here;
it was old and worn, and no doubt the thought had been that use in the dungeon was
preferable to throwing it out, yet ... She could feel springs through the bottom of the
couch. Its presence reassured her that Biddleburg had scant acquaintance with hardened
malefactors.
Well, thought Sidney, if they're so unworldly as to put the thing here,
I'd be remiss if I didn't take advantage of it.
There were two cells across the way, but both were vacant. "My
Lord Barthold," Sidney said. "Can you hear me?"
"Yes, my dear," came a voice from the cell next door. Lem
wandered into the corridor, blinking at its dimness; his candlelit room was rather
brighter. "Sorry, milord," he said apologetically, "but Sir Broderick has
ordered that there be no conversation between you."
"He has, has he, the insolent pup!" shouted Barthold.
"And how d'ye propose to stop us, tell me that, me lad!"
Lem's jaw worked weakly, perhaps on a bit of apple lodged in his teeth.
"UhI don't ... I'll have to"
"Look," said Sidney. "Let's not make trouble. We won't
talk, if that's the rule."
"The devil you say!" said Barthold. "I'm damned if
I"
"My lord," Sidney interrupted. "If you hope to get out
of here, the last thing you want is Broderick to storm down here."
"And why is that?" demanded Barthold.
Because any fool could escape from this setup in six seconds flat,
Sidney thought to herself. "Please take my word for it," said Sidney a little
sharply. "Give me a little credit, please; if it weren't for me, your vocabulary
would still be limited to the letter N."
Barthold muttered something under his breath, and then reluctantly
said, "Very well, I shan't utter a peep. Go back to your damned apples, you
cretin."
"Thank you, miss," said Lem in relief. "If there's
anything I can get to make you more comfortable, you let me know, you hear?"
"The keys to this cell, my sword, and a dozen cubits of rope would
be nice," said Sidney.
Lem chuckled. "Sorry, miss," he said. "But really, you
let me know if you'd like something special from Cook, or a book, or something."
"Thank you, Lem," said Sidney. "But nothing for
now."
Lem touched his brow, and went back to his cards and his apples.
And now, thought Sidney, for the sofa She lay on the floor on her back
and slid under the couch. She ripped open the ancient, fragile cloth at its underside,
pulled away handfuls of cotton ticking, and yanked at a spring. On the third try, it
parted with a sproing, and came out the bottom of the sofa.
She considered it for a moment, then took it over to the wall, where a
single tiny window admitted a little light. The end of the spring was quite dull. The wall
was uneven, chisel-cut rock, but someone had taken the bother to saw-cut the granite slab
that served as the windowsill, meaning it was smooth enough to use as a whetstone. Sidney
began to scrape at it with the spring.
Scritch, scritch, scritch. She worried about the noise, but Lem
apparently heard nothing over the sounds of his own mastications. It took Sidney ten
minutes before she was satisfied with the sharpness of her spring.
She laid it by the door to her cell, took on cat form, and stepped
daintily through the bars. Outside the cell, she transformed again, reached into the cell
for the spring, and considered it for a moment.
There was movement from the cell next to hers; Barthold peered out at
her, with interest. Sidney was, of course, naked; therianthropy was no gentleman's. magic,
designed to include such niceties as the need to clothe one's nakedness, but a disease, a
condition, a curse. Her clothes were back in her cell. She put a finger to her lips to
enjoin the baron to silence, then placed the spring just outside the vacant cell directly
across the hall from her own.
"Oh, Lem," she said. "Could you come here for a moment?
I've thought of something."
Lem's chair scraped in the other room. Sidney became a cat, and went to
sit inside the vacant cell.
Lem came blinking down the corridor and looked into Sidney's
now-unoccupied cell. "Yes, miss?" he said. His eyes had not yet adjusted, and it
took him a moment to realize that no one was there.
By then, the cat had stepped back out of the vacant cell. Sidney
resumed her human form, bent swiftly down for the spring, and leapt for Lem's back,
wrapping her left arm around his waist and holding the sharp end of the spring to his
jugular. "Move or talk, and you're a dead man," she said urgently.
Lem froze. With her left hand, Sidney drew his sword. She stepped back,
tossed the spring into Barthold's cell just in caseand switched the sword to her
right hand.Then she rested the point of the sword against Lem's kidney and took the ring
of keys from his belt.
"Take off your shirt," she said.
"Please, miss," Lem whined. "I got a wife
and"
"I'm not going to kill you," she snapped. "Not if you
keep your voice down, and take off your damned shirt."
"What do I do with this?" Barthold asked with interest,
holding up the spring. Lem began to shuck his shirt.
"I don't care," said Sidney. "Better than no
weapon."
When Lem had his shirt off, she handed the keys around to his front and
said, "Open the baron's door." He swallowed, but did so. Baron Barthold came out
to join her.
"Now unlock mine," Sidney ordered.
"Well done, my dear," said Barthold. "Kill this fellow,
and let's be on, shall we?"
"No no, please, I don't" babbled Lem. He almost turned
around, but the pressure of the sword at his back dissuaded him.
"I promised I wouldn't," said Sidney with irritation.
"Open the door to my cell!" Fearfully, Lem fumbled at the keys. He finally found
the right one, and unlocked Sidney's cell.
"Very noble," said Barthold, "but if we leave him here,
he'll be screaming bloody murder in nothing flat."
"True," said Sidney. "Pick up the shirt."
"What?" said the baron, studying the garment in question, now
lying on the floor, with some distaste.
"Pick it up!" said Sidney. Grimacing, the baron did so.
"Now rip off the sleeves."
The baron gave them an experimental tug. "You know," he said,
"I'm not precisely the fine figure of a man I was in my salad days. And my skills as
a seamstress are noticeably nonexistent. I don't believe I"
"Here, take this," Sidney snarled, giving Barthold the sword.
"Kill him if he so much as peeps."
"Gladly," said Barthold. Sidney reached for the shirt, nipped
at the cloth with her canines, and ripped off the sleeves. Turning about, she noticed that
Barthold was swinging the sword experimentally, clearly contemplating a thrust through
Lem's back.
"Don't do that if you want my help," she said.
"Oh, very well," said Barthold.
Sidney took back the sword and pushed Lem into the cell. "Turn
around," she said. He did. His eyes grew large as he realized her state of
dishabille. "Stand behind the door, and put your arms through the bars," she
said. He did so with alacrity. She tied his wrists securely with one sleeve.
While she had been doing this, Barthold had wandered into the guardroom
and had returned with an apple, which he was about to bite into. "Give me that,"
said Sidney.
"What?" said the baron.
"The apple," said Sidney. Barthold passed it over. She
inserted it into Lem's mouth, pushing it in till his jaws creaked. And then she tied it
into place with the second sleeve, knotting it behind his head.
"Walk forward," she told Lem. He did, until the cell door
clanged shut. She locked him into what had been Barthold's cell.
And then she entered her own cell, and put her clothes back on.
"Very neat," said Barthold, surveying her work. "I
believe I'll get another apple. Would you like one?"
VIII
"When I get my hands on young Bertram's scrawny neck," said
Broderick, "I'll ... Blentz! Wake up, man!"
Captain Blentz awoke with a start and peered, blearyeyed, around at the
study. "Just as you say," he said thickly, having no idea what Broderick had
been yammering about. Why had he ever taken this damnable job? It was full morning now,
sun shining horribly bright through those glassed windows; his eyes ached abominably.
Broderick had kept him awake all night, fulminating and scheming and getting precisely
nowhere. Blentz yearned for a less hyperactive employer.
Marek came running into the study. "My lord," he gasped.
"There's an army coming up the Hamsterburg road!"
"An army?" scoffed Broderick. "Idiot! There's no
armyDuke Schofeld is a dotard, he's not going to invade, and the orcs have got to
get through Hamsterburg before they get anywhere near these mountains. There can't
possibly be an army out there."
"B-b-but my lord," sputtered Marek. "I've seen it with
my own eyes. Hordes of them! Thousands! Serried ranks of soldiery, great siege machines,
magical wards and flying demons"
"We must flee!" gasped Blentz.
"Oh, do calm down, you two," said Broderick. "Let's go
have a look."
So they climbed up to the watchtower. Broderick leaned out a window and
peered down the road, shading his eyes. He pulled back in and studied an inscription on
the wall. Broderick was no great collegiate mage, but he was not wholly unacquainted with
the practice of magic. This castle had been built with a number of useful enchantments,
not least of which was the scrying magic of the watchtower. The runes, carved into the
stone walls, declared the necessary spell for those who had forgotten it; " 'Epekt
glamor tsuganish, ' " read Broderick slowly.
The view out the window changed; suddenly, from Broderick's standpoint,
it displayed a cardinal, sitting on the branch of a chestnut, at remarkably close
quarters. Broderick cursed and moved his head; the view swept across space at amazing
speed, small changes in viewing angle and distance causing different portions of the world
outside the tower to come into focus. It was several moments before Broderick was able to
find precisely the right spot from which to see the approaching "army."
"Serried ranks of soldiery," he said. "Great siege
machines. You imbecile! It's a rabble, is what it is. The townsfolk of Bainbridge, waving
pitchforks and kitchen knives. Come to complain about the taxes again, I imagine. I wonder
at their temerity; a quick cavalry charge should scatter ... Good heavens."
"What is it?" asked Blentz.
"Timaeus is with them," said Broderick. "And-yes,
there's the barbarian."
"I don't fancy a cavalry charge against fireballs," said
Blentz worriedly.
Suddenly, Broderick started. "And that bitch Beatrice too!"
he said, turning wide-eyed to Blentz. "By all the gods, they're conspiring against
me! The townsfolk, the rebels, Timaeus and that lot-Oh, gods; Miss Stollitt is one of
them; they must know we've got Barthold in the dungeon."
Blentz was looking more and more alarmed. "We must flee!" he
said.
Broderick turned red. "Is that your invariable response, Blentz?
Flight? Turn tail at the slightest opposition? No wonder you're a blithering blunderer as
a soldier, you flibbertigibbet. Here we sit in the finest natural fortress this side of
Miller's Seat, and you want to flee at the approach of a batch of housewives and
lumberjacks? Raise the drawbridge, lower the portcullis, man the damned ramparts, and heat
up the boiling oil. We'll teach the fools what it is to tangle with Broderick de
Biddleburg!"
"Whatwhat about Bertram?" said Blentz worriedly.
"If he's with them, the town below will rise, and"
Broderick checked, the idea occurring to him only now. Could the young
idiot be quite such a fool? Well, yes, as it happened, he could.
"Go prepare the men, Blentz," said Broderick. "I must
think."
Damnation, but it was all falling apart. Barthold compos mentis, Beatrice
in league with d'Asperge and the Bainbridgers, Bertram gods knew where ... Biddleburg
Castle could withstand a siege from that ill-armed rabble for an eternity, if need be, but
spending the next seven years holed up in this damned drafty pile of stones was not what
he'd had in mind when he'd launched this fool scheme.
"Screw your courage to the sticking place," he told himself.
He would do the necessary, whatever it might be.
Now, thought Broderick, suppose Baron Barthold were to appear on the
ramparts of Biddleburg Castle, in full control of his faculties, and tell the crowd to
disperse, that his brother Broderick had his every confidence .. . That would do the
trick, wouldn't it?
Barthold would never do it, of course. He'd spit defiance even with a
blade at his back. Torture wouldn't sway him, nor threat of death
Wait a minute. Threat of death might very well do it. Not Barthold's,
of course, but suppose Broderick made clear his intention of slaughtering as many of the
townsfolk as possible. Boiling oil had its uses, of course.
It wouldn't play for long, would it? But it should be sufficient to
disperse the crowd; and something might always turn up.
If he could sell the statue, he'd have enough money to raise an army.
And through the crystal, he could contact mercenary captains. A sufficiently large force
could crush all opposition; after enough folk decorated gibbets, resistance should cease.
Barthold and Bertram could disappear in all the uproar, leaving him legitimate heir. All
it took, Broderick thought, was fortitude and sufficient ruthlessness.
He'd win this one still, he decided. After all, he'd never lost yet.
He hurtled, two at a time, down the tower's circular stairs, yanking himself around the
curve by the railing.
The army, if it may be dignified by such a term, of Sir Bertram and
Lady Beatrice encountered no opposition as it approached the walls of Biddleburg town.
Broderick had recalled the guard from the town wall, concentrating on the defense of the
castle itself. They made their way to the central square, makeshift banners flying, people
singingsongs and shouting "Donec ero felix. " There two sturdy foresters
hoisted Bertram to the wooden platform, erected for the Feast of Grimaeus and not yet
disassembled. He was flushed with exhilaration, his previous self-doubts erased by the
evident enthusiasm of the crowd. As curious townsfolk began to stream into the square, he
confidently addressed them.
"Biddlebourgeois!" shouted Bertram. "How d'ye do?
Umyou all know me, I suppose. Ahup there, in the castle, lies Uncle Broderick,
the, er, usurper, I suppose you might say. Since he showed up hereabouts, we've had all
sorts of unpleasantness. Bloodshed and, um, bloodshed." Someone in the crowd shouted
something. "Oh?" said Bertram. "And taxes of course. Beastly things, taxes.
I say, it's about time to take a firm line with the old relative. What? I mean, enough is
quite enough; there is a limit to hospitality, and Uncle Brod does seem rather to have
trod over the edge. So, um, as the heir to the throne, I call upon all good folk to join
me in rising against Uncle's tyranny. What ho?"
"See here, yoong Bertram," said a skeptical graybeard,
"it's arr very werr tee talk aboot turfing oot Sor Brodick; boot he hath the castle
and a hoondred men. How can ye hoope to o'erthrow him?" All eyes went to
Bertram as the folk took the oldster's question to heart.
"Well," said Bertram, "I mean, here we've got the people
of Bainbridge, the Band of Beatrice, an old school chum with fantastic magical powers,
and, er, so forth. And our cause is just, ourhow does it go?-our strength is as the
strength of ten because our cause is pure, and all that rot; I mean, we can hardly fail,
what? Screw your courage to the sticking plaster, as Pater used to say. No, that doesn't
sound quite right. Nail your courage to the sticking plaster? Something like that."
"Och, werr, that's as may be," said the graybeard. "However, I dinna
care tee risk me life foor tha." There were murmurs of agreement from the crowd.
"What?" said Bertram, sounding shocked. "After the
murders, the taxes, all that sort of thing, you're willing just to let things go on? What
about freedom?"
"I canna eat freedom," said the old man. "How wirr
things be different when ye rule?"
"What? Why, um, the Band will return to peaceful pursuits, Lady
Beatrice will be restored her lands, brothers will be reconciled, the huntsman will return
to his courses and the farmer to his lands, charity and goodwill will rule among men, and
the heavens will reflect the harmony of the temporal realm. Yes?"
The graybeard rolled his eyes. "And what's tha' tee me?" In
the crowd, people were shaking their heads and beginning to drift away.
Beatrice leaned over and whispered in Bertram's ear. "Oh!"
said Bertram. "Yes, of course. We'll have to do something about all those nasty tax
increases. Yes, very good; we'll cut two pee off the sales tax, and abolish the
inheritance levy." The crowd looked slightly more interested, but still undecided.
"No? How about three pee off the sales tax, eliminating the capitation and the
gabelle, and halving the ad valorem duty on spirituous liquors?" There were
smiles and murmurs from the crowd, but still no obvious enthusiasm. "Oh, bugger
all," said Bertram. "Let's just go whole hog and eliminate the lot. A tax
holiday, that's the ticket! No taxes for a full year, forgiveness of all debts
outstanding, and a free pint of bitter for every man!"
"Hurrah!" shouted the crowd. "Hurrah for Sir
Bertram!" Hats flew into the air, folk gamboled about like madmen, and many went to
get ancient, rusting swords, or billhooks or axes, so they might say they had joined in
the final assault on the Tyrant Broderick.
"Tough crowd," muttered Bertram to Beatrice, as she helped
him descend the platform.
"You spoke well," she said, smiling.
Only the most prestigious of servants ate in the Steward's Room: Bates,
of course; the groom of the chambers; the lady's maids; and the personal gentlemen of the
castle's guests. There was silence, save for the sounds of ingestion, as the assembled set
to their breakfasts. The eggs were almost cold, alas, for Bates had been late in arriving;
something had detained him in the Great Hall, where he served breakfast to the lords and
ladies and their guests before the servants ate their own repast.
There came a knocking at the main door to the Steward's Room; an
unusual occurrence. Few of the lesser servants would dare to intrude without strong
reason. Still, it was always possible that Sir Broderick had called specifically for Bates
or one of the others.
Bates wiped his jowls and said, "Coom in." The door opened a
few inches, displaying the face of one of the scullery maids, looking rather intimidated.
"I'm sorry tee interrupt, Mr. Bates," she said. "Boot Sir Brodick's spats
ha' gone missing in the wash."
Lambston, Broderick's valet, looked up from his hash.
"Damnation," he said. "I shall have to go."
"Of coorse, Mr. Lambston," said Bates, nodding sagely. Seeing
to Broderick's equipage was Lambston's personal responsibility, and it would go hard with
him if Broderick's clothing was not prepared and properly laid out when the man was ready
to dress.
Lambston pushed back and bustled out the door, closing it behind him.
"What the devil do you mean they've gone missing?" he demanded, voice fading as
he and the scullery maid made their way down the corridor.
Bates cocked his head to one side; when he judged Lambston was
sufficiently distant, he called, "Ye may enter now, Susan."
The rear door opened, and one of the upstairs maids entered. She peered
about the Steward's Room with interest, for she had never seen it before; the lesser
servants snatched their meals when they could, in the kitchen. "Och, Mr. Bates,"
she said, impressed by the table's bounty, "ye do serve quite a spread." In
truth, the food was quite the equal of that served in the Great Hall; the chef de
cuisine ate in the Steward's Room too, and made sure that his companions dined well.
Saucily, she snagged a muffin.
The other servants regarded her askance; for a lowly maid to dine in
the Steward's Room was unheard of. Indeed, if it had not been clear that she was here at
Bates's behest, they would have set at her in the manner of the wolfpack dealing with a
rogue that had forgotten its place in the pecking order. "Susan," said Bates
soberly, "have ye seen the baron?" Among Susan's responsibilities was making
Barthold's bed.
"It's terriber odd," she said through a mouthful of muffin.
"His bed hasn't been slept in, nar the sheets turned doon."
"Nar did he break his fast," said Mr. Bates, lips pursed over
ruddy countenance. "I canna think where he may be." "Is that what this is
about?" asked the groom of the chambers.
"Yes," said Bates. "The missing spats are a mere red
herring; I had Lambston sent off on a wird goose chase, so that we might speak
freely." Lambston, being Broderick's man, could be expected to report to his master.
"Sir Bertram and his friends have disappeared as well,"
pointed out the groom of the chambers.
"Aye," said Bates, "but they can take care of
themserves; the baron, however . . ." He sighed. "Moreover, Sir Brodick
maintains the baron is aboot the castle, though I ha' seen neither hide nar hair of
him." He toldthem how Broderick had insisted on carrying up the baron's tray the
previous night. "And it was returned untooched to the kitchen," he said
gloomily.
"Do you fear foul play?" asked the groom of the chambers.
"I dee not know what I fear," said Bates, "but we must
search foor him."
"If he is dead," said Sir Bertram's valet, "what sharr
we do?"
"Then, we sharr ask the young master," said Bates with
finality. The others groaned, misdoubting Bertram's judgment, but Bates only looked the
sterner. There came a knocking at the main chamber door.
"Lambston," whispered the groom of the chambers; it was a
logical surmise, as Lambston had been gone long enough to locate the "missing"
spats.
"Joost a second, Mr. Lambston," said Bates loudly. More
quietly, he said, "Can soomeone scout oot the dungeon? If he's"
"I say," said the door. "Open up in there, Bates."
Surprise was not an expression that came easily to Bate's face. Indeed,
expression was not something that came easily to Bates; under normal circumstances,
his face was frozen in a sort of supercilious obsequence, a dignified mien that altered
not a jot no matter how it might be tested. But at this instant, an observer might have
noted that Bates gave a definite start, that his eyes revealed an instant of surprise,
perhaps even a moment of fondness. "Open the door, Susan, if you will," he said
calmly, gravitas already restored.
Susan, wide-eyed, did so, for she too had identified the voice. There
in the hall stood Barthold, half supported by Sidney; behind him was Mabel, leaning on her
cane. "Coome in, my lord," said Bates. They did; one of the lady's maids hastily
evacuated her chair so that Barthold might sit.
"You must hide us, Bates," said Barthold.
Bates drew himself up indignantly. "My lord!" he protested.
"This be yer seat. Ye moost not skurk aboot like a dormouse"
"Have you seen Timaeus?" asked Sidney. "And the others
of my party?"
"Nar, marss," said Bates. "They've been oot since
yesterday."
"Damn," she said.
"Better free than captive," Barthold told her. "Bates, I
fear my brother will try to kill me if he finds me; and he has the allegiance of the
guard. I am putting you all in great jeopardy by asking this, I know, but I have nowhere
else to tum."
Bates practically quivered with pride and indignation. " 'Tis a
sorry pass, my lord," he said. "A sorry pass. We sharr hide ye, of course; we
sharr not fail ye now."
"Ye can coont on us, me lord," said the groom of the
chambers. There were "ayes" and murmurs of agreement from the others.
A sharp knock came from the door. "There must be some mistake
about these spats," said a voice. "Open up, Mr. Bates."
"Take them oot the back passage, Susan," whispered Bates to
the upstairs maid. Wide-eyed, she nodded and, cramming the greater part of a muffin into
her mouth, led them down a narrow hall.
Bertram, Beatrice, and the others retired to the White Crag,
Biddleburg's tavern, to hold a council of war. "Well, I mean, frontal assault,
what?" said Bertram. "The right will triumph, eh?"
"Yes," said Kraki. "Ve vill dye the ramparts red vith
our blood."
"No, thou silly boy," said Beatrice to Bertram. "That
were an approach of desperation, to assault a fortified position with a force of militia
and foresters."
"Is that right?" said Bertram doubtfully. "I'm afraid
Iavoided military science like the plague at university. What else is there to do? I mean,
there's the castleI imagine Uncle Brod has it sewn up tight by now."
"Now," said Beatrice meaningfully, "is when our
magicians must do their all."
"What?" said Timaeus, a little startled.
"Quite right," said Jasper. "We'll have to take a-
section of the wall. I fly, you teleport; between fireballs and a mind control or two, we
ought to be able to neutralize the immediate defenders. We can find some ladders, I
suppose? The Band can scale the walls behind us, then"
"Not all of us are invisible," complained Timaeus. "You
don't run any great risk, but all it takes is one spear in my gut-'t
"There, there, old man," said Bertram, "screw your
courage to the-is it `spirit gum' I'm looking for?"
"Oh, shut up," said Timaeus testily. "How I ever got
involved in this"
"Look," said Nick. "Why don't we try a parley first? If
I were Broderick, I'd be tempted to cut and run."
"You speak wisely," said Beatrice.
A brisk spring breeze blew across the ramparts of Biddleburg Castle,
fleecy clouds scudding across the sky. The air was warm and redolent with the smell of
growing things. Down below, the town was a scene of feverish activity, hammers banging,
saws sawing away, the townsfolk preparing ladders and siege machines. Every once in a
while, members of the Band would loft an arrow toward the castle walls; their aim was
poor, at this distance, in this wind, but the defenders stood nervously behind
crenellations, exposing themselves as little as possible.
"What do you mean they've escaped?" shouted Broderick.
"I'm sorry, my lord," said Marek, "but I found the cells
empty, save for Lem here"
"You pathetic pismire," said Broderick, turning on Lem and
almost screaming.
"I'm s-s-sorry, my lord," said Lem, shaking in the face of
such wrath. "They overpowered me, and" "Overpowered you?
"Overpowered you? A woman in a party dress and a man old enough to
be your greatgrandfather? Gods, we can't spare the men to comb the castle now."
"My lord," said Captain Blentz soothingly. "If we loot
the treasury, take the wagona cavalry charge can clear the road-we can be in
Hamsterburg, rich men, in days. There comes a time when discretion"
"You puling wretch," said Broderick, striking Blentz in the
face hard enough to leave a crimson mark beneath the captain's stubble. "The next man
that talks of flight shall hang. We shall slaughter them, slaughter them all if need be;
there is no going back now, no course for us but bloodshed and victory. Rivers of blood
may yet flow, and years of desolation pass over"
"Yes, my lord," said Blentz, backing away. "As you say,
my lord."
"A party approaches, sir," said Marek.
And it was true. Coming up toward the castle gate was a group of seven,
under flag of truce. Broderick strode along the wall, down toward the gate tower, Blentz
scurrying after.
A pot of oil was bubbling there, its fire tended by Gaston. Broderick
stood, leaning out from the wall, the tower stair behind him, fearlessly exposing himself
to the fire of the archers below-but no arrows came, for the Band was under strict orders
to avoid combat till the parley had reached its conclusion.
Bertram was there, in a stretcher born by two foresters. With him were
Beatrice and Timaeus; also Master Gorham, of Bainbridge, and Banker Billings, of
Biddleburg town.
"Hallo, Uncle," said Bertram.
"Hallo, there, Bertie," said Broderick. "You have made
rather a hash of things, you know."
"Well, um, here we are," said Bertram awkwardly. "I say,
old man; why don't you open the gate, what? Clemency all round, gaiety and celebration,
you can go home to the Lesser Dzorzia no worse for the wear."
"Idiot!" said Broderick. "You and I could have squeezed
this barony till the pips squeaked, sucked it dry, lived like kings. You could have gone
back to live the high life in Urf Durfal; now, there is nothing but the grave before you.
Shall I surrender this fortress to a rabble? Shall I surrender a fortune to my
feebleminded nephew? Am I a fool? Begone."
There was a clatter on the tower stairs; Broderick did not look about,
perhaps taking the noise for reinforcements. Cannily, he eyed the distance between
Bertram's party and the gate, their position relative to the pot of boiling oil; and he
reached out one hand to grab the handle of the pot, preparing to tip it over and
french-fry his foes
Suddenly, a cane whacked Broderick in the temple, sending him sprawling
against a merlon.
"That'rr be enow o' that, ye caitiff!" said a quavering,
elderly voice. Agape, Broderick looked up to see Mistress Mabel, her wispy beard quivering
with righteous rage, atop her broom, one hand waving her snake-knobbed cane, circling back
through the air for another whack.
From the tower stair burst the servants, Mr. Bates in the lead with an
enormous carving knife. Behind him, a footman carried Baron Barthold, the elderly nobleman
still too weak to manage the stairs himself. And behind him came Sidney, with her own
sword and mail. The other servants, armed with an assortment of cutlery and decorative
weapons, pried from their places on the walls of the Great Hall, fanned out across the
ramparts.
"Marek!" bellowed Broderick, drawing his own sword.
"Gaston! To me! Treachery!"
Soldiers backed uncertainly toward Broderick, weapons out.
"Shall a valet or a scullery maid master you?" shouted
Broderick to his men. "Screw your courage to the sticking place!"
"Sticking place! That's it, by Fithold," came Bertram's voice
faintly from below.
"Look here, Blentz," Barthold said. "How d'you think the
townsfolk will react when you slaughter their baron atop the castle wall, before their
very eyes?"
Blentz was ashen, eyes casting about desperately for some means of
escape.
By now some score of men had come up to surround Barthold.
"Overlapping shields," he ordered. "Slow advance; we'll cut them to
ribbons."
"And then what?" demanded Blentz. "We'll be stuck here
for"
"Shut up, you puling wretch!" shouted Barthold. "One
more whine from you and"
"And what?" shouted Blentz back. "Who commands
these"
"Captain Blentz," said Baron Barthold, "surrender, and I
give you my. word that you and your men may depart this place, unharmed and
unhindered."
Blentz looked to Barthold, face a blotchy red, mouth in an angry line.
The color of Blentz's face heightened until he looked as if he were about to burst, like a
kettle under pressure. "Done," he said at last, practically spitting the word.
Broderick turned on Blentz, thunderstruck. The guardsman looked
hesitantly first toward the nobleman, then to their own captain, who sheathed his blade
with finality and nodded toward them to do likewise. Gradually, they stepped away from
Broderick, lowering their shields and putting their weapons away.
The tableau hung for a long moment, Broderick staringin shock at
Blentz, holding a fighting stance still, his sword wavering in the air.
"Put that silly pig-sticker down, Broderick," said Baron
Barthold at last. "It's over."
Broderick pivoted toward his brother, his sword still aloft. His
expression turned from shock to grim decision. He tossed his weapon into the air, tumbling
it end over end, grabbed it by the bladecutting a gash in his handand rested
the pommel on the stone flags of the wall. He held the point to his stomach, and made to
throw himself onto his own sword
Sidney darted forward and tumbled into Broderick shoulder first,
knocking him away. Two beefy footmen dived for the man, holding him down and binding his
hands.
"What'd you do that for?" demanded Barthold querulously.
"What?" said Sidney, a little surprised. "He was going
to kill himself"
"Yes, yes," said Barthold testily. "Would have been the
neatest thing. I shan't slay him, of course; he's family, after all. Have to keep him in a
cell for the rest of his life, beastly nuisance. Take him down to the dungeon, thank you,
lads."
"I say," said a confused voice from below. "Is that you,
Pater? What's going on up there?"
Barthold peered over the wall. "There you are, you miserable
sod," he said severely. "How these loins ever produced such a sorry skink as you
is beyond my powers of comprehension. I can't imagine"
"Hold thy tongue," said Beatrice, looking up severely at her
lord. "Your son has been the very font of courage and ambition; when at last he
realized his duty, he did it with all his main."
"I did?" said Bertram wonderingly.
"You did," said Beatrice, taking his hand.
"Well, well," said Barthold, sounding rather pleased.
"Open the gate, someone, won't you?"
IX.
The hall boy cranked away, raising the portcullis. Bates spoke to
the master of the hounds, who turned to fly down the tower stair to unbar the gate. As the
castle's massive door creaked open, a cheer resounded from the town, echoing from the very
battlements; virtually as one, the populace of the barony-Biddlebourgeois, Bainbridger,
and forester alike-shouted triumph. Beatrice turned and gaily waved them forward; soon
folk poured into the castle courtyard. Barthold stood bemusedly in the window of the
tower, staring down at the tumult and waving to acknowledge the cheers. He turned to Bates
and said, "Ale all around, Mr. Bates; I trust we have casks enough in the
cellar?"
"I sharr attend tee it, my lord," said Bates with
satisfaction, and made his way sedately down the stairs.
When the ale arrived, the assemblage quickly turned into an impromptu
celebration; the folk raised stoups of ale, and steins, and mugs. Bates was hard-pressed
to findcontainers enough, for soon a fair portion of the barony's population stood in the
courtyard, the crowd overflowing through the gates to the field before the walls.
Barthold gave a short speech, thanking everyone for their loyalty, and
telling them of his poisoning; there were hisses, and the folk called out for Broderick's
death, but Barthold did not acknowledge the cry. Beatrice, too, spoke, announcing that
this was a time for reconciliation and asking that her men forget and forgive whatever
offense others of the barony might have given them in the course of the struggle. And
lastly, Bertram spoke. His speech was short and rather lackadaisical, but it was cheered
to the echo. "Hurrah for Sir Bertram!" the folk cheered. "Hurrah for the
tax holiday."
"The what?" asked Baron Barthold sharply.
"Tax holiday," said Timaeus, nose in a stein of ale.
"Tax what?" said Barthold.
"Better ask Bertram," said Timaeus, slightly amused. Barthold
cast about for his son, but caught no glimpse of him. Bertram was off at one side of the
courtyard, back against the wall, staring yearningly at Beatrice, who stood amid a knot of
Bandsmen, laughing and talking gaily.
Jasper had laid out the scenario so neatly; what was it he'd said?
"Having gained the ramparts, you will free your father from durance vile, wed the
noble Beatrice, and unite the people of your realm in glorious harmony." Wasn't quite
how it had worked out, was it? He hadn't won the castle in heroic battle; the castle had
more or less liberated itself, albeit Blentz probably wouldn't have surrendered if there
hadn't been an army outside the walls. True, Beatrice was being slightly kinder to him
than before, but only slightly; if Jasper had counted on Bertram's heroism and selfless
devotion to win her over, he'd had scant opportunity to display those qualities.
It had been a pipe dream from the start, he realized miserably. He had
always known he was not among the brightest men; his ambitions had been limited to
membership in a decent club, a good box at the races, an adequate cellar, and an income
large enough to live in reasonable comfort. He had not asked to be made heir to this
backwoods demesne, nor to lead men in battle, nor to act the hero.
He considered searching out Jasper and asking the wizard's advice, but
decided against it. He had a fair idea what that advice would be; something along the
lines of taking her in his strong arms and passionately declaring his love. Jasper was an
incurable romantic, and Bertram had no desire to expose himself to inevitable rejection.
Especially not in public. And besides which, thought Bertram, pinching his biceps, he had
the arms of an upper-class wastrel, not a hero of yore.
About him, folk laughed and sang and drank themselves insensible; it
had the feeling of a day that would live in their memory always, the day the barony was
liberated from the Tyrant Broderick. Their joy only increased his misery. The whole
barony, it seemed, was happy this day, every man and woman, save only he.
Well, maybe not the whole barony, Bertram thought. I imagine Broderick
isn't too chuffed right about now, either.
"Good morning, Sir Bertram," said Bertram's valet, yanking
the draperies firmly back.
Bertram groaned, shading his eyes against the bright sunlight.
"You are a tyrant, Smythe; you know that, don't you?" he moaned.
"Terribly sorry, sir," said Smythe, lifting the teapot from
the tray he had placed by Bertram's bedside table and pouring a cup for his master.
"It is nine of the clock, and the household has already assembled in the Great Hall;
your father was asking for you particularly."
"Ye gods," complained Bertram, "after carousing
allnight, they're up at this hour? My head feels as if a dozen blacksmiths have been using
it as an anvil all night long."
"I had anticipated this, sir," said Smythe, proffering a mug
containing a viscous yellow liquid. "Your usual pickme-up."
Bertram shuddered, but accepted it. "Ah," he said, "the
first terror of the day." He quaffed it in a single gulp, lunging for his teacup to
wash it down. He gasped, gave a single hoarse cough, and said, "Effective, if
brutal."
"I've laid out a set of clothes for you, if you don't mind,
sir"
"Yes, all right, Smythe," said Bertram, maneuvering his limbs
over the side of the bed, "but I shall need some assistance with this leg of
mine."
"I had anticipated as much," said the valet.
Bertram was dressed in surprisingly short order; almost as soon as he
was, someone tapped at the door. While Bertram leaned on his crutch and fiddled with his
cravat, Smythe opened the door.
It was Beatrice. Bertram's heart took a leap to see her; she wore a
black velvet dress, flounced fashionably below the waist but tight above it, a dress Epee
belted at her middle. Freckles were dusted across her face, her arms, her upper torso;
with difficulty, Bertram stopped himself from imagining where else they ran. "Good
morning, Bertie," she said cheerily. "Coming down?"
"I suppose," said Bertram, levering himself toward the door.
"Here, let me," said Beatrice, and took his free arm in her
own, providing some support. Bertram's mouth went dry at the touch; he wasn't quite
certain whether he was in misery or ecstasy. They made their way out the door and down the
hall.
"The baron's mood is sunny," Beatrice said. "He rose at
six, and has been cheery since. He was perturbed by your promise of a tax holiday, I
fear."
Bertram groaned. "I'd forgotten about that," he said.
"Oh gods, he'll kill me."
She patted his arm. "I spoke with him about it," she said.
"And?" said Bertram as they neared the grand stairs.
"He accepts that it was a necessary gesture. At any pass, there's
always the revenues of the toll road."
"I suppose," said Bertram gloomily, nonetheless dreading his
arrival in the Great Hall. He swung his crutch out and placed it on the first stair below,
stepping down with part of his weight on Beatrice's shoulder. They stopped talking for a
moment, progress down the stairs requiring a degree of concentration. It was difficult
work for Bertram, made the more difficult because his heart beat like a rabbit's at
Beatrice's touch. He was in agony, for he knew that whatever there had once been between
them was lost; he had been inconstant, had failed to correspond while at school, had
foolishly believed the lies of his uncle. Had she not made clear how she felt? True, she
had mellowed toward him since that disastrous conversation in the woods, but love, once
lost, cannot be renewed. He longed for the hour she would leave to return to Bainbridge,
for her presence was painful; simultaneously, he dreaded that moment, for the parting
would no doubt be a final one.
He would join the fight against the orcs, that's what he would do;
perhaps he could get himself killed in some futile, bloody charge. Yes, that was the
ticket; a meaningless, anonymous death in the meat-grinder that was war, the perfect
anodyne for spurned love
"So," said Beatrice softly, "when shall we wed, my
love?"
Bertram was in the process of levering his crutch down the next slick
marble step. He gave a sudden lurch. The crutch went flying. Beatrice made a grab for him,
but too late; his legs crumpled, he fell down the stairs head first, pulling his limbs
into a fetal position, cartwheeling downthe high marble steps. At last, he thumped into
the carpet at the bottom of the stairs, rolled across the floor, and hurtled into a
priceless Dzorzique tabouret, smashing it, the smoked-glass lamp atop it, and several
guineas worth of bric-a-brac to Hinders.
Hands at her mouth, Beatrice peered down the stairs.
"Bertram?" she said. "Are you all right?"
"What, me?" said a happy voice from a pile of rubble.
"Never better, my love. Absolutely peachy. Blissful, in fact. Do summon a cleric,
though, if you will; I fear I've broken the other leg."
Beaming for all he was worth, Baron Barthold held high his fluted glass
of vin chartreuse. "To the girl next door," he said. "To hearts
entwined. I want you to know, my dear, you've made more than one man very happy today; I
only hope you can make something of this sorry excuse of a son."
"Hear, hear," said the assembled, sipping wine. They all sat
down at table, while servants circulated with an enormous platter holding hotcakes and
pastries. It was unusual to quaff wine at breakfast, but the baron was in a celebratory
mood.
A footman entered and marched smartly up toward Barthold, leaning down
to whisper in the baron's ear.
"All's well that ends well, what?" said Jasper with
satisfaction, green wine disappearing into a spot of green.
"Bosh, Jasper," said Timaeus, "you do have a gift for
clichй"
"Have either of you seen Vic?" interrupted Sidney. "I
haven't seen him since he teleported away after the archery competition."
"No," said Timaeus, turning toward her in concern. "I
truly haven't"
"I'm sorry," said Barthold, rising somberly. "I'm afraid
I have bad news." All eyes were on him at once.
"What now?" said Timaeus..
"It appears that my brother has escaped. Apparently, he picked the
lock with a length of spring metal"
Sidney smacked her forehead. "Damn!" she said. "I should
have told the servants to get rid of that couch."
"That's not all, I'm afraid," said Barthold. "Messieurs,
mademoiselle; it appears that your wagon and its cargo are gone."
Nick shot to his feet. "What?"
Barthold looked quite apologetic. "Our best horses, and your
wagon, are missing from the stable."
"Out of the frying pan into the fire," said Jasper.
"You are really becoming quite tiresome, do you know that?"
said Timaeus.
"Ve vill track him down and kill him," said Kraki
Sidney pushed back her chair with a sigh. "Well," she said,
"no rest for the weary."
"Not you too," complained Timaeus.
Part II
Another Week, Another Wilderness
I.
Black and silver was the night, the black velvet of the sky, the silver
of stars and moon; black conifers looming upward, the stones of the road silver in
reflected starlight. In the stillness of the night came black fury; the beat of hooves on
stone, the rumble of wheels, the crack of a whip. Broderick half-stood atop the cart,
knees absorbing jolts, lashing the horses onward.
He spared no thought for mishap; despite what he had claimed, the road
was in excellent repair, the curves gentle and the grade slight between Biddleburg and
Bainbridge. He thought rather of pursuit: He had hours at most before his absence was
discovered. And when it was, there would be pursuit, no doubt of that; perhaps his kin
would be content to see him gone, but Bertram's friends would surely pursue their
property.
In the cart was Stantius, ensconced below the floorboards. The cart had
no other load; Broderick had tossed the rugs to lighten it, had not cared to risk
discovery by spending time to locate and load supplies. He'd get hungry, he knew, but
speed was of the essence. That statue alone was his fortune, wealth enough to buy an army,
a kingdom. Pah, let his brother have this petty little land in these impoverished
mountains, surviving off its meager tolls; if he could make good his escape, untold riches
awaited him. And riches were power.
The cart had no load save for Stantius-and an old man, wrapped in a
blanket, toothlessly cursing Broderick's unrelenting and uncomfortable haste. Somehow,
Broderick had failed to see the old man; perhaps some slight glamor of magic was to blame.
Hooves beat on stone, wheels rumbled. The wagon creaked as they tore
around a curve.
Ahead on the road were dim shapes, silver moonlight glinting off silver
mail. A chill ran down Broderick's spine; should he charge on regardless, hoping they
would go down under the horses' hooves? But no, he saw pikes, spearheads glowing with
magic in the darkness: enchanted weapons. The horses would simply run themselves onto the
pikes, and that would be that. "Hyaw!" he shouted, hauling back on the reins.
The horses slowed, slowed, came to a halt bare cubits from the waiting-children?
No, not children, Broderick saw; their stature was slight, but they
were not humans of any age. Large black eyes stared out from beneath silver helms, ears
pointing upward: elves.
Half a dozen blocked the road, kneeling, pikes set to intercept his
horses had he charged on; another half dozen stood in the trees, holding elven longbows
with arrows nocked.
From the woods stepped another elf, hands empty, sword at belt,
tasseled cap above merry expression. "Hiya," he said cheerily.
Bright morning sun poured in through watchtower windows. Jasper flitted
impatiently about. "Speed is of the essence, my lord," he told Barthold.
"My companions ready their horses even now. We must"
"Hold on, hold on," said the baron irritably, still out of
breath from the climb. "He's only had a few hours, we may still be able to see
something"
"Yes, yes, but do get on with it," said Jasper.
The baron read the runes incised in the wall about the window,
refreshing his memory of the scrying spell. Like his brother, he was no collegiate adept,
but any nobleman was expected to have a certain capacity for magic. He had always keenly
felt the lack of deeper knowledge, in fact, which was why he had insisted that his son
attend university. Panting between syllables, Barthold read the spell.
He walked carefully about until the road toward Urf Durfal came into
view. Then he slowly moved his head to bring sections of it into focus, mile by mile, down
the mountain and toward the barony's border.
"Well?" said Jasper, the point of green light hanging
expectantly above Barthold's shoulder.
"Settle down, damn it," said the baron. There was nothing
down the Durfalian way. He moved to the opposite window and began to survey the eastern
road, down toward Hamsterburg. Several moments passed.
"Hold on," he said.
"What is it?" demanded Jasper.
"How very odd," said the baron.
Jasper made a noise indicative of exasperated inquiry.
Barthold said, "Come here." The light flew directly toward
him. "Take careful note of where I stand," said the baron. "I shall move
aside; take up my position, and read the spell you see on the window above you."
The baron moved; Jasper read the spell. After a moment, he said,
"Well?"
"Don't you see it?"
"I have an excellent view of a small pond and a beaver. I hadn't
known they had orange teeth; why is that, do you think?"
The baron studied Jasper's position. "Move about a bit, until the
road comes into focus."
Experimentally, Jasper flew in slight circles, until he said, "Oh.
I see what you mean."
Down there on the road, perhaps a half dozen miles from the castle, was
the wagon, apparently abandoned. The horses that had drawn it were out of the traces, tied
to nearby trees, cropping quietly at the brush on the roadside verge.
"Where could he have gone?" wondered Jasper.
"An excellent question," said Barthold.
"I don't suppose the statue is still there," said Jasper.
"You'd better go have a look," said Barthold.
Jasper flew out the window toward his companions, who waited
expectantly in the courtyard below, already mounted.
Nick poked his head out of the wagon. "It's gone," he
reported.
Sidney sighed; she had expected as much. Jasper flitted about,
apparently mumbling some kind of spell, perhaps hoping to pick up the traces of
Broderick's presence. Baron Barthold sat his horse patiently, looking rather tired.
Timaeus disconsolately thumbed weed into his pipe, while Kraki merely looked bored.
Beatrice, who had been kneeling in the vegetation along the verge, rose
to her feet. "Look here," she said, sweeping a hand to indicate the brush around
her.
"Ah, yes," said Timaeus. "Weeds. Goldenrod, isn't it?
And are those lupines? Is there anything in particular we're supposed to be seeing?"
"Look at the color," said Beatrice.
They were silent for a moment. "It's a lighter green,"said
Nick. It was true; a swath of the vegetation was lighter in color than the weeds around
it.
"Quite so," said Beatrice, nodding. "It is the light
green of early spring, of new shoots putting forth. Why this should be, I cannot
say."
"Hmm," said Timaeus thoughtfully, tamping his pipe.
"Suppose one were to haul a heavy object through the wood"
"How?" demanded Jasper.
"How should I know? Suppose they had some great draft
horse"
"A damned great draft horse," said Jasper. "Stantius
must weigh a ton."
"Do shut up until I'm finished, there's a good man," said
Timaeus irritably. "Suppose they were to drag it through the woods; it would leave an
unmistakable trail, would it not?"
"Assuredly," said Beatrice.
"Suppose then that a nature mage was among them, who might order
the vegetation to grow behind, to cover the evidence of their passage. Would not such
vegetation be lighter in color, as are new-grown plants in the early spring?"
"Interesting," said Jasper. "But if Broderick had such a
wizard as an ally, why did he not summon the mage to help him defend Biddleburg Castle
against us?"
"Maybe the wizard wasn't an ally," said Nick. "Maybe
Broderick was ambushed."
"By whom?" asked Sidney.
"Who can say?" said Timaeus.
"Well," said Jasper after a brief silence. "Look here,
My Lord Barthold; I presume that Sir Broderick's personal effects remain at Biddleburg
Castle?"
"I assume so," said Barthold. "If I were Broddy, and I'd
just escaped from the dungeon, I wouldn't go skulking about in search of the odd pair of
socks before running away."
"Good," said Jasper briskly. "Then let's find those
socks, and I shall use the same spell to trace the baleful Broderick that I used to locate
the beauteous Beatrice. Shall we return to the castle?"
Sidney sighed. "Might as well," she said. "It looks like
this is going to be a long pursuit; we'd better get some supplies together."
"Damn," said Nick as they saddled up. "I wish we knew
where Vic was."
"True," said Timaeus, wheeling his horse. "His absence
is disturbing. Given the fact that his wits are only intermittently keen, it may be he's
forgotten our whole enterprise."
"It's not that," said Nick, clucking his mare into motion.
"It's-I always figured Vic would save our bacon, if push came to shove."
"Beg pardon?" said Timaeus.
"I figured, if we got into deep trouble, he'd always bail us
out," Nick explained. "After all, he's got the power of a dozen mages. Even if
he isn't altogether there, in mortal danger he'd probably snap to."
"Our own private deus ex machina," said Timaeus.
"A nice thought."
"Doesn't matter anyway," said Sidney shortly. "He isn't
here."
They rode onward.
The socks were brown, worn, and quite odoriferous. They hung below the
point of green light; despite Jasper's near invisibility, one got the impression he was
keeping them as distant from his invisible nose as he was able.
"I hadn't meant socks in the literal sense," complained
Jasper. "I meant it in a metaphorical way. Anything associated sufficiently
intimately with the man himself will do.
Timaeus chortled. "You'd be hard put to find anything more
intimately associated with Broderick," he pointed out. "They are imbued with his
very, ah, essence."
"Yes, well, essence, in the sense that a perfume is an
essence," said Jasper. "Not essence in the sense of unique character"
"I'd say they capture Uncle's unique character quite well,
actually," said Bertram from his sedan chair, to which his broken legs confined him.
"His morals stink; so do his socks. His welcome has worn thin; so have the
heels."
"Can't ask for better similarity between spell object and target
than that," said Timaeus complacently.
"All right, all right," grumbled Jasper. "Here
goes." He chanted his spell.
"Anything?" asked Sidney when he was done.
"Yes, actually," said Jasper. "He's-this way." The
green light flew in a straight line toward one end of the chamber.
Beatrice watched it, then glanced out the tower window. "East by
southeast, I make it," she said. They bent over the map on the table.
"Are you sure?" said Sidney incredulously, looking up at
Jasper.
"This direction, all right," said Jasper. "No mistake.
Unless someone else has been wearing these things." "Scant chance of that,"
said Bertram. "I found them balled up in his boots."
"You can't have gotten the spell wrong?" Sidney said.
"I have not," Jasper replied.
Timaeus peered over Sidney's shoulder at the map. "But you have
him striking straight across trackless wilderness," he said.
"The wildwood," agreed Beatrice.
"Leagues and leagues of it," said Sidney, a finger tracing
the route.
"Very well," said Jasper. "Let us gather provisions, and
go.
"But how could he possibly carry the statue through"
said Nick.
"How should I know?" said Jasper. "We'll ask him when we
find him."
"You'd best leave your horses," said Beatrice. "That's
mountainous terrain; the vegetation is quite dense, and there's little forage. They'd just
slow you down."
"Oh, bloody wonderful," said Timaeus. "Hiking over hill
and dale, up and down mountains and through leechinfested swamps. I'm not exactly the
hardened wilderness explorer, you know."
"You think maybe you can save the world by sitting in an armchair
and sipping brandy before the fire?" demanded Sidney. "If you aren't willing to
face a little hardship, why did you embark on this damned quest?"
"Why shouldn't one be able to save the world while sipping
brandy before the fire?" asked Timaeus. "What is it about quests that involves
dire peril and travail? Who arranges these things, anyhow?" .
"Ask Vic when you see him," said Sidney. "He seems to be
the expert on quests."
"All very well for you to say," complained Timaeus. "Not
that we've got a chance of success without Vic, you know. What are we going to do if we
reach Arst-KaraMorn without him? Knock on the Dark Lord's door and say, `Please sir,
release the spirit of Stantius Human-King so the forces of freedom can beat your nasty
orcs and things, and we can all go home?' Vincianus is the only one who has the slightest
idea how to"
"I swear to all the gods," said Sidney, "I can't imagine
how I ever got hooked up with such a whiner. We've got to go after Broderick; we don't
have any choice. Come or not, see if I give a damn."
"Oh, I'm coming, I'm coming," said Timaeus unhappily.
"But I don't have to like it. I don't suppose you'd come, Lady Beatrice? We could use
a woodswise companion."
"See here, Timaeus," said Bertram, slightly alarmed.
"You won't be taking my betrothed away, will you?"
"I'm sorry," said Beatrice. "I'm needed here. The
barony"
"Yes, yes," said Jasper. "But it would be useful to have
someone who knows the woods. Could a member of the Band perhaps be persuaded to join
us?"
Beatrice thought for a moment. "Frer Mortise, I think," she
said.
They stood in the castle courtyard in the new day's light, the sky
still rosy, the air a little chill. Timaeus picked up his pack uneasily. "This must
weigh five stone," he said.
'Two, two and a half," said Sidney, bustling about and making sure
the last of the supplies were packed away. "Kraki, help him get it on, will
you?"
"Sure," said Kraki genially, slinging his own pack easily
over one shoulder. "Turn around. Put arms back. Here ve go."
Timaeus did as requested, extending his arms awkwardly behind him.
"Oopsy-daisy," said Kraki, looping the straps over Timaeus's
shoulders and letting the pack go. Timaeus staggered under the weight. "Good
heavens," he grumbled.
"Chin up," said Jasper, zipping about.
"I don't see you with a pack," said Timaeus.
"Couldn't fly," said Jasper. "Limit to the weight I can
carry.f9
"Very convenient," said Timaeus.
Beatrice approached with a lanky, long-haired man. "This is Frer
Mortise," she said cheerfully. He was pallid, painfully thin, and wore circular
spectacles with lenses that were almost black. His garb was forest green and at his belt
was a large silver sickle. He bore a gnarled wooden staff, and a pack at his back, like
the others. He nodded in greeting.
"What's your cult, Brother?" asked Timaeus.
"Deeset," said Mortise, in a reedy, high-pitched voice. The
moon goddess; nature-aligned, but with some fairly unpleasant traits. Her worshipers were
mostly elves, women, and therianthropes. Sidney smiled.
"Vhere is Nicky?" inquired Kraki.
"Yes," said Timaeus, "where is he, Sidney?"
"What am I, his keeper?" she said. "How the
hell"
"Here he is," said Jasper.
Nick approached, looking faintly uncomfortable. Behind him, one of the
scullery maids trudged slowly, eyes red with recent tears. As Nick took up his pack, she
burst into sobs again, turned, and ran back toward the kitchen door.
"What are we waiting for?" Nick said. Beatrice was looking at
him rather coldly; to his surprise, he blushed. "Ve go," said Kraki.
And they departed.
They climbed a rise, feet sinking into the leaf mold; oaks and
chestnuts stood about them. Timaeus lagged behind, already puffing. Mortise strolled with
him, quite at ease.
"Wonderful day," said the cleric. Timaeus grunted.
"Look," said Mortise, pointing to a large, shelf-like fungus
growing from the bole of an elderly oak.
Timaeus looked. "Edible?" he asked.
"No," said Mortise. He reached up into a hollow in the tree
and pulled out a squirrel. The little red creature chattered in rage and tried to bite the
cleric's hand, but he held it too expertly.
Mortise pulled his sickle from his belt, whacked off the creature's
head, and sucked blood from the stump of itsneck. "Want some?" he asked, holding
out the limp little body.
"I'll pass, thanks," said Timaeus faintly.
Sidney sprang for the brook's far bank. Her foot slipped on mud, and
she went sprawling full-length into the water. Kraki, who had bounded over the brook with
consummate ease, gave her a hand up. "Good thing varm day," said Kraki.
"You dry out qvickly."
"Yeah, I suppose," said Sidney, shaking her limbs. A little
sandbar along the bank of the stream held a footprint of some kind-not the print of a
human sole. Her attention captured, she examined it more closely. It was a hoofprint,
rather horse-like but quite large.
Mortise leapt lightly across the stream. He studied the print Sidney
had found. "Unicorn," he said.
"Unicorn?" said Sidney unbelievingly. They were rare and
notoriously skittish.
"Sure," said Mortise, and headed off into the woods.
Timaeus came up, panting heavily. He splashed heedlessly . through the
water and nearly ran into Sidney. He stopped and teetered for a moment under the weight of
his pack.
"Unicorn," said Sidney, nodding toward the hoofprint.
He stared at her uncomprehendingly for a moment; gradually, a glimmer
of understanding penetrated fatiguedulled eyes. He glanced at the hoofprint.
"Pshaw," he scoffed.
"Mortise says it's a unicorn," she said.
They camped in a pine grove on a gentle slope above a stream. Mortise
had shown them how to pitch the tents, and had collected enough wood to start a blaze,
something they all appreciated; the day had been warm, but the night sky was clear and
their elevation was high. The temperature was rapidly dropping.
Nick scanned the skies above them. He was acutely aware that dragons
inhabited the Dzorzian Range. Vincianus had promised there wouldn't be any, not on this
quest; but Vincianus wasn't around, and had probably forgotten his promise anyway. It
would be just their luck if some dragon took it into its head to have them for dinner.
They wouldn't have a prayer of defeating a dragon, not by force of
arms; and, Nick realized uncomfortably, one of their two wizards would be useless against
a wynn. Fireballs wouldn't faze a monster that belched fire after every meal.
Timaeus sat on the needled ground by the fire, .leaning back against
his pack, eyes half closed with fatigue, luxuriating in the warmth. A copper pot bubbled
above the blaze, filled with skinned squirrel, mushrooms, and wild onionsMortise's
gleanings of the day.
They heard the crash of a large beast in the woods. "Dragon!"
shouted Nick, looking for someplace to hide. Everyone else leapt for weapons-except for
Timaeus, who barely roused himself enough to look.
It wasn't a dragon. An ogre walked into the circle of light cast by the
fire. He stood a good ten feet tall. His hair was matted and filthy; he was clad in
uncured deer hide, and a knife as long as Kraki's sword hung at his belt. In one hand was
an enormous wooden bucket.
"Die, foul vight!" shouted Kraki, hurtling toward the
monster. His sword bit into the ogre's leggings, through deer hide and into the straw the
monster had packed within them for warmth. It was doubtful the blade penetrated as far as
the ogre's flesh.
"Hey!" boomed the ogre. "Don't do dat." He kicked
Kraki across the clearing. The barbarian tumbled, plowing through pine needles to smash
into the trunk of a tree. Somehow, he managed to keep his grip on his sword.
The monster upended his bucket over the fire, extinguishing the blaze
and splashing Timaeus, who sprang to his feet, fatigue forgotten. "What is the
meaning of this?" Timaeus shouted.
"Very bad Ping, fire in woods," scolded the ogre, waving a
sausage-like finger. "Nasty bad humans. Make forest fire. Scare all liddle
animals." And with that, he turned and strode away, tree limbs cracking in his wake.
There was silence for a moment. Kraki stood up, shaking each of his
limbs in turn, making sure nothing was broken. Timaeus poked disconsolately at the sodden
remnants of their once-cheery blaze. "Damn it all," he said. "I'm
freezing." In truth, it was rather cold.
"I don't think it's a good idea to start another fire," said
Nick, greatly relieved it hadn't been a dragon after all. "He might come back."
"Then ve kill," said Kraki.
"Sure, pal," said Nick. "You did such a good job the
first time."
"He got me by surprise," protested the barbarian. "Am I
not Kraki, son of Kronar, son of"
"Shut up," said Sidney. "There's no point in fighting
that thing if we don't have to. The last thing we need is for someone to get badly wounded
out here, miles from nowhere."
Timaeus sneezed, visibly shivering. "Fine," he said.
"See if I care. I like pneumonia."
"Get out of those wet clothes," Mortise advised.
Timaeus grunted and went to search through his pack. Mortise retrieved
the stew pot, which, miraculously, had not been upset. He pulled out a squirrel leg and
bit into it. "Well," he said, "it's partly cooked."
Disconsolately, they sat in chilly darkness, eating halfraw rodent and
onions still fresh enough to bring tears to the eyes.
"Rise and shine!" sang Nick. He and Mortise were already
puttering about, striking tents and packing up. Timaeus woke, bleary-eyed and fatigued. He
habitually rose early, but this was absurd; there was the merest glimmer of rose on the
horizon. He had slept like the dead, exhausted from the previous day's trek, but his back
was killing him. He peered under his bedroll and saw a root that must have been pressing
against his spine for hours. "Tea," he moaned.
"No fire," said Sidney, handing him a stick of something
brown. "Here."
Timaeus held it gingerly, at arm's length. "And what, pray, is
this?" he asked.
"Beef jerky," she said, masticating a stick to prove the
point. "Breakfast."
"Ah," said Timaeus. "Excellent." He essayed a bite
and nearly lost a molar.
"Makes you feel like a new man," said Jasper, whizzing over
to help Nick pack. "Nothing like the great outdoors"
"Ye gods," muttered Timaeus. He went over and took a tin of
tea leaves from his pack, then grabbed Mortise's pot and headed down to the stream.
Sidney hustled over and grabbed his arm. "I said no fire. We
don't "
"Unhand me, madam," said Timaeus. "I shall start no
blaze." Reluctantly, Sidney let go, but followed him down to the stream to make sure.
Timaeus washed out the pot, filled it with water, dumped a quantity of leaves into it,
then chanted a brief spell and thrust his fist into the water. After a few moments, it
began to boil around his hand, the water turning brown as the tea infused it. "There,
you see?" said Timaeus. "Nary so much as a whiff of smoke." He withdrew his
hand and headed back up the hill, steam rising from the pot. Sidney snuck a glance at his
hand, half expecting it to be scalded red, but it seemed unaffected by its immersion in
boiling water.
Everyone accepted a cup of tea, with thanks. Timaeus sat down on his
pack to enjoy his morning pipe and cuppa, but before he had even poured his second cup,
Sidney wasordering him to his feet. "We've got leagues ahead of us," she
scolded, "and no time to waste."
Timaeus groaned, lurched to his feet, and consented, grumbling, to have
Kraki hoist up his pack once more.
When they reached a grove of oaks, Mortise called a break for lunch.
Everyone removed packs and began to prepare for the meal. Everyone, that is, except for
Timaeus, who did not appear until minutes later. He staggered into the grove, drenched in
sweat, panting raggedly, and stumbled blindly onward. He might have staggered back off
into the woods, oblivious to the others, if Sidney hadn't taken his arm and brought him to
a halt. He stared at her dumbly for a while, then crumpled to the ground.
It was a good ten minutes before he roused himself even enough to light
his pipe. Sidney, worried, brought him a flask of water, which he gulped greedily down.
"It'll get better," she told him.
Timaeus considered that for a moment. It was a difficult concept to
grasp. Better? In what sense? Were there superior and inferior versions of torture? And
which was the better? The most painful, or the least? "Define your terms," he
said tiredly.
The others were already preparing for departure. "We've got to go
on," Sidney said. "Jasper claims Broderick's lead is widening. We don't dare
stop"
"Mm hm," said Timaeus, not considering further conversation
worth the effort. He got to his hands and knees, then used a nearby tree to pull himself
erect. Pipe clenched in his teeth, he extended his hands behind his back and waited until
Kraki got the hint, lifted Timaeus's pack, and dropped it onto his shoulders.
Under the impact, Timaeus pitched face forward into leaf mold. Coals
spilled from his pipe into the leaves, which started to smolder. Nick stamped them out.
Haltingly, Timaeus got to his hands and knees, crawled to his pipe, and
pocketed it.
"I take his pack," said Kraki, already wearing his own.
"Are you sure?" said Sidney. "Two packs are a good fifty
pounds."
"Good," said Kraki. "Then maybe I break a little
sveat." Muscles like steel cables bunched in his arms.
Timaeus was scrabbling at a tree, trying to get to his feet once more.
Kraki removed the wizard's pack; Timaeus hardly seemed to notice, except that he was now
able to stand erect.
They climbed onward, up a ridge, Sidney trailing with Timaeus to make
sure he did not fall too far behind.
The little glade was pleasant after the cool dimness of the forest, a
roughly circular space where only grasses and wildflowers grew. Leaf-dappled light played
across the ground. Perhaps a fire had cleared the trees here, and they had not yet grown
back; perhaps some local peculiarity of the soil prevented the growth of timber. At the
glade's center stood a boulder, perhaps glacial in origin. Not far away, a charming stream
purled. All in all, the place seemed most inviting to travel-wearied wanderers. Sidney
called a rest.
Timaeus came out of the forest, hobbling as if shackled. Nick guided
him to the central boulder; the wizard lay with his back against it.
Kraki dropped his packs and shook his head like a dog; droplets of
sweat flung everywhere. "Ho!" he said. "Feels good to vork for a change. Ve
go on or camp here?"
"If we can make a few hours before sundown, we should," said
Sidney, feeling a little tired herself. "I say we"
She was interrupted by a snore. Timaeus lay openmouthed, drooling a bit
into his beard.
"Oh, hell," said Sidney.
Jasper, who had muttered the Words of a spell, said, "He's a
little farther away now than last evening."
"Broderick, you mean?" said Nick.
"Yes," said Jasper.
"How does he do it?" demanded Sidney. "He's laden with
that statue, he's got to be in his fifties"
"And he's apparently traveling with a unicorn," said Jasper.
"No knowing what he's up to."
"How much farther away?" asked Sidney.
"I'm sorry; I'm afraid I can't tell. It's really a directional
spell; he's off in that direction," Jasper said, pointing roughly to the
east-southeast. "I can get a vague sense of distance from the strength of the
feeling, but not much more than that."
Sidney looked at sleeping Timaeus. "I suppose we'd better camp
here," she said regretfully. "We're not going to catch up soon, anyway, so
there's no point in driving ourselves beyond endurance."
"Ourselves?" said Nick pointedly.
"We're in this together," said Sidney.
"I don't think this is a good place," said Mortise
apologetically, looking about the glade and frowning slightly.
"Why not?" asked Sidney.
"It doesn't feel right," said Mortise.
"What?" said Kraki. "Don't be silly. Vater that
vay." He pointed to a stream, not far off in the woods. "Good drainage. Soft
grass to lie on. Make fire by boulder, shelter from breeze. Sleep under open stars. Fine
campsite."
Mortise looked uncertainly about. "Yes," he said uncertainly.
"But "
Kraki was already unrolling his blanket.
Mortise sighed and opened his leather pouch. He'd killed three
woodlarks and a number of finches during the day. There wasn't much meat on songbirds, but
woodlarks were actually quite delicious. And he had the eggs from one of their nests.
Still, it wasn't really enough for dinner.
Jasper was watching him. "Not to worry," he said, and the
green light zipped away into the woods.
A half hour later, Nick was contemplating the necessity of making a
meal of cornmeal mush. "Is this all we've got?" he complained.
"There's raisins, pemmican, jerky, and hardtack," said
Sidney. "Enough to live on for several days, but something fresh would be
better."
"Fresh?" said Nick. "You call cornmeal mush fresh?"
"Come off it, Nick," she said. "It's better
than"
A doe came walking into the campsite. She walked over to Kraki and
stood there, silent and trembling. Everyone stared in astonishment.
"Well, hurry up," said Jasper irritably, flitting through the
air behind her. "Kill her, by all means. I can't control her forever, you know."
Kraki drew his sword.
"Better if you age the meat," said Kraki sleepily and gave an
enormous belch. The remains of a haunch lay before him.
"Didn't like it, I can tell," said Nick with satisfaction; he
had prepared and roasted the deer.
Mortise gathered up the scraps and went to throw them into the latrine.
He regretted that; better to throw them into the woods and let animals eat the remains-but
they wouldn't want to be bothered by predators and animal noises tonight.
By the time he got back, everyone else was asleep. He hesitated; he
still felt a sense of wrongness about the place. He sighed, then took his bedroll and
walked several paces
into the wood before laying it down. Perhaps the others were right;
what was there in the woods to harm them? Moving out of the glade might be a pointless
precaution, but he felt the better for it.
II.
It started as a single note; a single haunting note, like the sound of
a flute in the hands of a master: low, rich, evocative of loss. Sleepily, Sidney raised
her head from her bedroll and looked about the campsite. The fire had gone out, only a few
embers remaining. Above, a sliver of moon glinted silver. In the cool night air, fireflies
played, green lights winking out and reappearing. If she hadn't been a city girl, it might
have occurred to Sidney that it was late, near midnight: too late for fireflies. And early
in the year, yet, for them to appear in such numbers.
A birdcall, she thought, and turned over to go back to sleep.
At the edge of her consciousness, a song began to play. It did not
occur to her to wonder at that; half asleep, she took it for a dream. It was slow, sad,
ancient music: a single flute. No, it had not the metallic sparkle of a flute; it was more
like a recorder, rich wooden tones.
And then the music changed. Joining the flute was another, and a string
instrument as well. Sidney was no musician, but she thought it might be a lute. Still the
music mourned; what, precisely, she could not say, but she could feel the sense of loss.
She lifted her head again.
The little meadow was bright now; not the bright of day, but full-moon
brightpeculiar, for the moon was a crescent still. Atop the boulder by which they'd
built the fire was a creature; a little goat-legged creature, with the goateed face of a
man. At his lips were pipes; not a flute at all, nor yet a recorder, but panpipes. His
legs were crossed, one hoofed foot moving to the music's beat. He never seemed to breathe,
playing the music continually. About him, fireflies glowed.
Smiling, Sidney sat up and listened. Somehow this struck her as
completely natural, that there should be music here. It never occurred to her to wonder
whether this was dream or reality, whether the creature meant them well or ill. There were
no questions, only the music, and wonderment only at its beauty.
Those fireflies were not insects; not fireflies at all, but fays,
glowing winged creatures, shaped like tiny men and women. Sidney had heard of them before,
but never seen them; they were kin, somehow, to the elves. They hovered in the air like
hummingbirds, listening attentively to the tune.
Where were the other musicians? Sidney looked about. One sat at the
foot of the rock, lute in hand. It was a raccoon, for all that it was dressed like a man,
furred face bending seriously over the lute, clever clawed fingers plucking the strings.
And the other piper-was nowhere to be seen. Pipes floated in the air by the foot of the
rock, as if the piper sat there; but whoever played them, if indeed they did not play
themselves, was invisible. None of this struck Sidney as unusual.
Her companions were awake now, too, sitting up and listening to the
music. Their faces betrayed nothing butpeace, gentle concentration, perhaps a touch of the
music's own melancholy.
And the music changed.
It was sprightly, laughing, exuberant now; the pipes seemed practically
to chuckle, but with a rueful tinge. It was music that might be played in a city under
siege, the enemy outside the gates, the end a matter of days, the carousers determined to
seize a moment of joy before the horror to come. The goat-legged creature was practically
bouncing atop his rock now, arms and head swinging with the music. The fays began to dance
in the air, dashing wildly about the glade, pairing off and flying around in intricate
arcs, a gay pavane. Sidney was smiling now, her heart in her throat, completely
captivated; she found her own feet tapping, her fingers moving.
Jasper was flying too, trying somehow to dance with the fays, his light
a deeper green than theirs, but not dissimilar. He was slower, clumsier than they, but
they took his participation good-naturedly, clustering about him and guiding him into the
pattern of the dance.
And the music changed again. It was desperately exuberant, desperately
fast. It spoke of life and death, the wild hunt, Dionysian frenzy. Enthralled by the
sound, Sidney found herself on her feet, dancing too. Her motions were hesitant at first,
but rapidly grew surer. The others were dancing also, joy and exuberance on their faces,
dancing across the glade. They would pair for a moment, dance off again. Others were
present, too; young deer leaping about, owls flitting through the air amid flying
squirrels. Even the very grasses seemed to move, as if they, too, felt the music's
enchantment.
The dance went on and on; one song seemed to begin where the last one
left off. At times, the music slowed, the dance became a somber minuet; at times it rose
again to a frenzy, Sidney bounding about, practically flying through the air, in
surefooted motions like none she had ever performed before. At times only one instrument
spoke, or one of the players would sing, in a peculiar language she did not know. When the
music became fastest and most frenzied, invariably all three musicians played.
Sidney began to tire. And still she danced. She could feel the fatigue
of her limbs, but it didn't seem to matter. She danced on and on, until her legs seemed
something alien, outside her body, whirling away there below her. When the music slowed,
and the dance with it, they would tremble a bit; but as the pace quickened, they would
quicken too, dancing unrelentingly.
When she would chance to dance a few steps with one of her companions,
his face would hold the same bright fierceness, the same exuberance she felt; but as time
passed, she began to recognize the symptoms of fatigue. Their eyes seemed to sink into
their sockets, black circles growing outward from them. Their faces became gaunt and
shrunken, but still they danced on ... and on ... and on ...
Frer Mortise didn't hear the music. But he was attuned to the magic of
the woods, and as the spell began to take hold, he turned in his sleep, bothered by the
flow of energy, until he, too, awoke.
Silver light shone from the glade.
He leapt to his feet and ran toward it, halting just outside the ring.
For that was what it was, he now saw: a faerie ring, a place of power. Most such were
marked out by standing stones, or toadstools; he would have recognized it before, if it
had been so indicated. He heard no music, but he saw the dance, the flitting fays, the
mindless, ecstatic faces of his friends.
He saw the players, there within 'the ring; the goatlegged man he
recognized as an aspect of the god Fithold. The others he could not identify.
"Sidney!" he shouted. "Timaeus!" And he called the
others, too, but none of them so much as glanced his way.
Should he enter the ring, and bodily draw them forth? No, he thought;
he would simply be enraptured by the spell, as they had been. He mumbled
prayersthen, struck with inspiration, fetched his sickle and felled a sapling.
Holding one end, he extended the other into the ring, in the hope that the dancers would
stumble against it, come to their senses, that the spell would be broken ...
He stood there for long moments, waving the stick about. The dancers
seemed oblivious to its presence, taking no conscious note of it but evading it with
amazing agility. It seemed to bother them not in the least.
What the devil could he do? He stomped around the ring in frustration,
shouting himself hoarse. Beatrice had charged him to guide and protect his companions; and
here, mere days into the woods, were they ensorceled and in peril.
He looked up at the sky; the moon had set. He prayed to Deeset
regardless, drew on his link to the goddess to power a spell-but it failed. That was a
god, or an avatar of one, there within the ring; and the faerie ring itself was no feeble
power. He could not overcome it.
Not, certainly, with the moon as slim as it was now. It was recently
out of the new, a thin crescent when in the sky. His power waxed and waned with its
extent. When it reached the full, perhaps he might fight this spell, perhaps he could
break his companions free ...
But that was eleven days from now, he realized with despair. Could they
survive for eleven days, without food or drink, caught in the faerie dance? Well, yes,
they might; time passed oddly for those ensorceled by the fays. What seemed a night might
be a century, and eleven days outside the ring might be mere moments for those inside.
The sky was tinged with rose, now, the sun beginning to rise. And as
the air lightened, the scene within the faerie ring faded away, fays and musicians and
humans evaporating like the morning dew.
They would return, Mortise knew, with the setting sun, to dance away
another night. And another, and another, and more to come; they would dance, if he could
not save them, until their deaths.
The glade was quiet, now, serene; birds twittered in the trees. The
bedrolls and packs of his companions were scattered across the grass; those, at least, had
remained.
With a groan of despair, Mortise sat on the boulder at the glade's
center, his head in his hands.
For long hours, he debated what to do. He considered digging trenches
across the glade, or building barricades of logs, or damming the nearby stream and
flooding the land; but he feared none of this would work. Indeed, it might simply cause
his companions to trip, fall, injure themselves, and continue their ecstatic dance without
regard for injuries. He might merely advance their deaths.
He saw only two possibilities: He could wait eleven days, until the
night of the moon's fullest extent; or he could leave the glade in hope of finding aid.
He might as well spend eleven days traveling as sitting here in
despair, he supposed.
If he were to leave, should he return to Biddleburg, or continue the
pursuit of Broderick?
He could think of no one at Biddleburg with the power to aid him; but
then, he knew no one in the HamsterDzorzia, whither Broderick was seemingly bound.
He shrugged, and searched the packs until he found Broderick's socks.
He closed his eyes and concentrated; some faint remnant of Jasper's spell remained.
Eastsoutheast, that was where Broderick headed.
Before he left, he took a last glance around the glade; the packs of
the others were strewn across the grass. Animals might rip them open in search of food, he
realized;and so he picked them up, and hung them from the branches of trees.
He shouldered his own pack, took up his walking stick, and hiked
resolutely east-southeast. Without the others to slow him down, he made good speed.
Some days later, Frer Mortise smelled a campfire, the smoke on the
wind. It was night, a few hours after sunset. He pulled forth the socks again and closed
his eyes, but felt nothing; if any power remained in Jasper's spell, he was not sensitive
enough to feel it any longer. The people camped ahead might include Broderick, but again
might not.
He eyed the sky through a gap in the trees; Deeset was waxing, but
still slim. There was less than an hour before she set.
Mortise hesitated, then decided to take the risk. He should have enough
time. He took on owl form.
His gear and garb fell away, onto the needled forest floor. The owl
flew up through the trees and circled once, fixing the place in memory. It would not do to
lose his equipment, Mortise thought.
He flitted above the trees. The moon shone slantwise through thin wisps
of cloud; the firs looked dark below. Bats shared the air with him, as did another owl or
two; Mortise heard an annoyed hoot, as the owl whose territory this was took exception to
his presence. Below, he spotted a flying squirrel, leaping from one tree to another;
almost without thinking, Mortise folded his wings, dived, and snatched it from the air. He
bit the creature's head off, then landed in a tree to rip at its flesh.
He hadn't had anything to eat for hours; the squirrel was delicious.
But this was unwise, he realized; time was short.
He darted through the forest, dodging the boles of trees. The campfire
was just ahead now. He came to a perch on the branch of a white pine, just outside the
perimeter of the camp.
There was a babble of speech; high voices, silver tones: elves.
Mortise advanced crabwise down the branch to get a better look. A dozen
or more. They had the statue of Stantius, sure enough; they'd set it up by the fire, and
someone had put a peaked elven cap on Stantius's upturned face-a joke, perhaps.
Some sort of stew bubbled over the fire. Several elves were singing,
while another group played cards.
Mortise gave a start; one of the card-players was human, an old and
toothless man. The old man looked up from his cards, stared directly at Mortiseand
winked.
Mortise was terrified; would the old man betray him? But the human,
whom Mortise did not recognize, merely returned his attention to his cards.
Mortise heard a noise from beneath his tree, the scuffle of a boot on
leaves. He looked down; another human, gray-haired but not as old as the other, was
sneaking out of camp. Mortise identified this one easily enough: Broderick.
One of the elves turned at the very same noisebut at that
instant, Vincianus threw down his cards and yelled, "Grand spatzle!"
Hoots and groans came from the card-players; the singers broke off,
their song interrupted. Vincianus jumped up and did a little dance of victory, waving his
handsand suddenly, the air was full of explosions and colored lights, exuberant
magic to express the old man's pleasure at winning.
Broderick ran flat out away from the encampment.
The old man was providing a distraction, Mortise saw, to allow
Broderick to escape. Should he follow Broderick, Mortise wondered, or stay with the
statue?
Before he could decide he realized with a start that the moon was
already sinking behind the
Oh, fudge, he thought. The moon had set. He was trapped in this form
until it rose againlate tomorrow afternoon.
Mortise sighed internally, and flitted silently after Broderick.
Broderick paused at the forest edge to survey the land beyond. Nearby,
Mortise came to a landing on a tree, grateful for the rest.
Parallel ridges ran out from the Dzorzian Range, cutting the
countryside below into valleys. The slopes were terraced, planted with grapevines and
olive trees; the valley floors were patchworks of wheat, corn, and fields left fallow.
Here and there stood farmsteads, isolated clusters of buildings, and peasants' huts. Down
the left slope was a village, a cluster of buildings along a road; no lamps burned now, in
the hours before the dawn.
Broderick came to a decision and made his way downward, toward the
town. At each terrace edge, he crouched and let himself over the lip.
Mortise took to the air behind him and circled high into the night sky.
Sharp owlish eyes easily picked out the figure of Broderick, struggling down the ridge;
indeed, saw mice scutting amid the still young corn, rabbits in a farmstead's vegetable
patch. Mortise contemplated a snack, but feared losing track of Broderick.
Dawn neared; with each of Broderick's steps, they left Mortise's gear
farther behind, a heap somewhere off in the forest. At dawn, Mortise would need to depart;
he had no wish to brave the day's harsh glare, not with sensitive owlish eyes. He hoped
Broderick would soon find a place to rest.
At last Broderick came to the road along the valley floor, and made
quicker progress along it toward the village. There he hesitantly surveyed each building
in turn, until, with apparent satisfaction, just as the eastern horizon began to lighten,
he came to the village's only inn.
He began to hammer on the door, shouting. Mortise glided down to a
landing atop the stable's peaked roof to watch. Mortise was thankful; doubtless Broderick
would take shelter here. Mortise could flit back to the forest, find his gear, and return
soon after.
After some moments, a candle appeared at an upper window; and shortly
afterward the door was unbarred and opened. A haggard, middle-aged woman in nightclothes
stood there, holding a candlestick.
"Hola, woman, your best mount, and on th' instant," Broderick
said sharply.
Bugger, thought Mortise. Doesn't the man ever tire? Broderick clearly
intended to ride onward, and Mortise could not pursue.
"Well enough, good sir," said the woman sleepily, "but a
deposit will be needed, and we must agree on the rental"
Broderick drew a blade. "Your life will be deposit enough,
methinks," he said, "and as for rental, you may request it of your lord."
The woman made to slam the door, but Broderick pushed inward. The door
slammed behind them both.
Unhappily, Mortise watched the door, swiveling his head from time to
time to survey the eastern sky; but no one returned, not for several moments, though there
were crashes and muffled oaths from within the inn.
At last, Mortise took flight again, and headed back toward the woods.
Frer Mortise slept, head under wing, until the late afternoon, when the
moon finally rose. At last able to return to human form, he donned his clothes and
collected his things.
It was not until the evening that, trailworn and weary, he returned to
the fields where he had left Broderick. Familiar now with the lay of the land, he managed
to come to the forest edge not atop the ridge, but down in the valley. This at least
spared him the difficult descent down the terraces.
He took comfort from the waxing moon; if danger was near, so at least
was his goddess. In the few days yet to go, though he had scant hope now of finding help
for his friends, he hoped at least to learn of Broderick's fate, and perhaps the statue's,
too. The faerie ring was two days' travel, if he went swiftly; he still had time to gather
provisions and return.
Across the fields came the lowing of cattle, returning to their pens.
From huts and houses, tendrils of smoke reached skyward, fires cooking the evening repast.
Down the road, Mortise could see the inn where Broderick had been; he noticed its sign, as
he had not before: a broken column, surmounted by an olive branch. Other men, and some
older women, were heading there likewise, no doubt to quaff a pint of ale or stoup of wine
after the day's hard labor.
The door stood open; within, there was comfort and cheer, the
hearthfire casting warmth and light across the taproom. When Mortise appeared,
conversation trailed away, as the locals took in his habit and sickle; a wandering priest,
clearly, his cult not readily apparent. He seemed harmless enough, so the lull in
conversation was momentary.
Two young children ran about, bearing cups and sometimes platters of
food; the clientele knew them, it seemed, and would pop them onto their knees, or tell
them a joke before asking for another ale. A third, a babe, crawled on the bar itself,
plashing its hands in a puddle of wine.
A group of people clustered about the woman at the bar. Mortise
recognized her as the innkeeper from whom Broderick had demanded a horse. She had a shiner
about her left eye. She came around the bar and approached him.
"Good evening, Father," the innkeeper said. "May I be of
help?"
"Not `Father,' " said Mortise. "Merely `Frer,' if you
will. I could use a bite to eat, and a place to spend the night."
She hesitated. "May I ask your cult, Brother?"
"I follow Deeset," he said.
"Oh-very well," she said. "We can spare some pottage and
the local wine; and if you don't mind the hayloft, there's room in the-stable."
Mortise blinked; the offer of charity was unexpected. He could pay, of
course-but perhaps he'd take her up, in the interest of appearing a harmless itinerant,
and secretly leave her a stack of coins on the morrow. "Thank you," he said.
"May I sit by the fire?"
"Of course," she said, snagging one of the children.
"Get the friar a bowl of pottage, Albrecht," she said.
"Righto, Ma," said the boy, and ran off toward the kitchen.
The innkeeper rejoined her circle.
"It just goes to show," said a red-faced and portly man,
taking up the conversation where it had paused, "you need a man about the place,
Lotte."
"And you'd like to be my man, is that it, Johnny?" the
innkeeper said, pouring a mug of wine and motioning Mortise to take it.
There was general laughter, as Johnny turned even more red-faced.
"That's not what I had in mind," he protested, "though I'm not saying I
wouldn't, either. But all sorts come down the road. And with the war on, there'll be more.
One man with a sword stole your best horse, Lotte, you have to think about that. Think of
the children, if not your own safety. We should take turns, sleeping here"
"I think," said a woman with the lined face and largehands of
a lifetime of labor, "people who open the door in the middle of the night get what
they deserve."
"Thank you kindly, Tanya," the innkeeper said in an annoyed
tone, "but I can't afford to turn away custom." Mortise sat on the bricks of the
hearth and sipped his
wine, listening. Albrecht appeared with a bowl of brownish, lumpy stew,
and dropped it unceremoniously in Mortise's lap. Mortise wolfed it down, scooping it up
with pieces of bread. It was the usual thing; an inn generally had a pot bubbling away
above the kitchen fire at all times. Into it went leftover scraps of meat, vegetables,
occasional bones, and water to keep it all from burning. It served as the basis for stocks
and gravies, but was edible alone in a pinch. Years of continuous simmering gave it a
rich, meaty consistency. Mortise thought it quite satisfactory.
He hoped they would mention where Broderick had gone; but the topic did
not arise, and Mortise had no desire to raise suspicion by asking.
Besides, he was looking forward to a good night's sleep. He could
always ask Lotte tomorrow.
Mortise awoke in late morning, nose filled with the warm scent of hay.
At the far end of the loft, golden sunshine poured from an open window. A beam protruded
out over the road there; Mortise supposed they used it to hoist up bales of hay.
It took Mortise a moment to realize what had awoken him; more than
sunlight poured through that window. He heard the voices of a good many men in
conversation, the tinkle of harness, the clopping sound of horses on the move. Mortise
climbed over bales of hay to peer into the road.
An army marched through the town. Not a large army; perhaps twenty
horse and forty foot. The latter bore polearms of some kind, oddly shaped blades waving in
the air. The van had already passed, but Mortise peered up the road; at the head rode two
men abreast, a woman between them. One of the men, even from behind, Mortise identified as
Broderick; that salt-and-pepper hair, that arrogant stance were pretty well imprinted in
the memory of any Biddlebourgeois who had lived through the time of tyranny. The other was
evidently a nobleman; behind him rode a footman bearing his armsa dragon displayed,
gules on argent. His armor was curiously stark for a nobleman; the modern fashion was for
increasingly elaborately decorated arms, but his mail was plain as plain. Functional,
Mortise supposed.
The woman wore a mage's robes; and by the color, she was evidently of
the College of Fire.
"Think we'll have time for an ale, after?" said one of the
soldiers passing below Mortise's perch.
"If you don't watch where you put your bloody guisard,"
snarled another, "you won't have an after, Mauro, you turd."
"All right, you lot," said another commandingly, "save
it for the elves."
Elves? thought Mortise.
Of course! Broderick had made some kind of deal; they were off to take
the statue from the elves.
Mortise lunged toward his clothes.
By the time he'd gotten his clothes on and made it out of the stable,
the party had left the village and was winding its way along a cattle path, up the
southern ridge.
Mortise watched them a moment, wondering how much use cavalry would be
amid these terraces; a charge down these slopes would mean risking your mount's legs with
every drop.
He ran down the road and skirted someone's wheat. To follow the cattle
path himself would be to court disaster; they would wonder why he followed, and might
detainhim. Instead, he'd have to struggle up the ridge some distance away, hoping to avoid
notice. It was hard work, pulling up the terraces; and the grapevines around him gave no
shelter from the hot sun-and not much more from observation.
By the time he reached the ridgeline, he was panting. He had made good
time up the hill-better time, in fact, than the soldiers, who were still some paces from
the ridge's peak, perhaps fifty rods distant. Mortise, feeling uncomfortably exposed,
began to descend the ridge's far side. Perhaps he could find a hiding place before the
soldiers reached the ridgeline themselves.
Indeed, a perfect place presented itself: a copse of trees, standing
alone on the valley floor. He must first descend the ridge, then walk several minutes to
get there, but once there, could observe Broderick and the army without fear of being
seen.
He made haste, running down the slope and leaping from one terrace to
the next. Mortise reached the valley floor and peered back up the ridge. Could he make it
to the copse before the soldiers reached the ridgeline?
Alas, no; the cavalry was just beginning to cross the ridge, the men
leading their horses slantwise down the slope-more or less in his direction. Mortise
cursedthen noticed that the intervening plain was planted in wheat and maize. If he
crawled, the plants would shelter him.
And so, on hands and knees, he skirted the periphery of the
wheatfieldto plunge into it would mean swaying stalks of wheat, which the soldiers
might observe. The next field was maize; he wove his way between the stalks, green leaves
a canopy over his head. It was cool, down here by the earth, the leaves filtering out the
harshest rays of the sun.
After some minutes, he stuck his head up high enough to essay a glimpse
of his surroundings. The soldiers were closer now, he saw; indeed, they had taken up
position in the very wheatfield he had left moments ago. The cavalry had remounted and had
formed up in ranks at center, flanked on either side by the foot. The latter were in tight
formation, guisards held parallel and forward. They were clearly expecting trouble. And
they were facing him.
Mortise yanked his head down and hugged the cool earth. He was directly
between the soldiers and the copse of trees.
Could the elves be amid those trees?
In sudden terror, Mortise realized: It was more than likely. Elves are
creatures of the woods; if forced, for some reason, to travel across a cultivated plain,
they would make camp, if at all possible, amid some stand of trees, some little wood.
"Deeset aid me," Mortise whispered into the dirt-but he was
facing the wrong way, not toward the heavens; and anyway, the moon had not yet risen.
Stalks of corn cracked. A single footman rode past Mortise, close
enough that the friar could see the froth about the horse's bit. He bore a white flag.
This relieved Mortise somewhat; they were going to try to parley. He
wasn't going to be trampled to death by charging cavalry for a little bit longer, in any
event.
The footman dismounted not far away and planted his flag.
Long moments passed. Mortise wondered whether he should try to crawl
off-but with the footman so close feared even to breathe, lest that give him away. He
dithered, until he heard a voice speak.
"Hiya," it said. It was a cheerful voice, rather highpitched.
"What's shaking?"
An elf, Mortise thought.
The footman cleared his throat. "The Graf von Grentz would speak
with you under flag of truce," he said.
"Jake by me," said the elf.
The footman blew a hornMortise nearly leapt out ofhis
skinand, a moment or two later, another two horses passed within yards of Mortise.
One bore Broderick; the other, the nobleman Mortise had seen beforethe Graf von
Grentz, he presumed. Though von Grentz retained his armor, Mortise saw, both noblemen had
left their swords behind.
"I hight Gerlad, Graf von Grentz," said a deep, curiously
calm voice.
"Howdy," said the elf. "You can call me Beliel. Hiya,
Broddy, old buddy."
"Greetings, Beliel," said von Grentz. "Are you aware
that you are in Hamsterian territory?"
"Gosh, is that so?" said the elf, slightly sarcastically.
"Golly. Well, you know how it is, if it's Tuesday, this must be Ishkabibble. Got my
passport here somewhere, just a sec . . ."
"To be specific," said von Grentz, "you are in County
Weintroockle, a fief of the House von Grentz. My demesne, in other words. Which you have
entered, bearing arms, leading several dozen elves at arms. An armed invasion, in point of
fact. Can you offer any reason why I should not order the lot of you killed out of
hand?"
"Well jeez," said Beliel in an aggrieved tone. "If we'd
known you'd be such a prig about it. I mean, we haven't actually done anything; no
villages pillaged, no cities put to the sword or nothing. Just merry old elves, singing
our merry song as we voyage merrily across the land. Maybe it's technically armed
invasion, but gosh, let's keep this in perspective."
There was silence for a long moment.
"Then," the elf said, rather more nervously, "there is
interspecies comity to consider. I mean, with the war with the orcs and all, you wouldn't
want an international incident opening a breach among the Free Peoples, would you?"
There was another pause.
"Would you?" said the elf again.
"Mr. Beliel," said von Grentz, "you will order your folk
to leave the thicket of trees ahead of us, one by one, and lay down their arms. You will
permit my men to make a thorough search of your equipment."
"And then?" said Beliel.
"You will be escorted over the border," said von Grentz.
"And our things?"
"Your what?"
"Our possessions?"
"Your weapons will be returned to you upon your departure. Items
of contraband will be confiscated. Your legal possessions you may retain."
"Gotcha," said Beliel. "There's this statue, see. We
don't plan on giving it up."
"Indeed," said von Grentz. "Sir Broderick and I have
discussed it at considerable length. I believe you stole it from him, and I fully expect
you to return it."
Beliel snorted. "No," he said.
"No?" von Grentz inquired.
"No," said Beliel. "Negative. Nugatory. Nope. Uh uh.
Nosirreebob. The opposite of yes. No"
There was sudden violent motion from where the speakers stood, and the
elf's voice broke off. Then Broderick bellowed, "Surrender, or your leader
dies!"
Mortise dared a peek. Broderick had grabbed the elf and held a knife to
his throat. Even to possess a knife was a violation of the rules of parley; to hold a
negotiator hostage was a criminal act in every human, dwarven, and elven realm. This was
loathsome, Mortise thought, even for Broderick.
Even von Grentz looked rather disgusted, but not enough, apparently, to
force Broderick to put the elf down.
The elves' response was a shower of arrows. One of the horses went
down, neighing in terror. Beliel wriggled outof Broderick's grasp and shoved Broderick's
own blade, still in Broderick's hand, into Broderick's stomach.
That was all Mortise saw before he hit the dirt once more. An arrow
plunged into the earth scant inches from his head.
A horse screamed in pain; an arrow must have found its mark. Moments
later, another horse thundered close by Mortise, at a gallop-von Grentz, crouching low
over his mount's neck, was off to rejoin his army.
Mortise went to hands and knees and began to scuttle away, keeping his
head down but hustling to get out from between the army and the elves. Things were going
to get pretty hairy pretty damn soon
Things got hairy even sooner. Mortise started, rising inches into the
air almost before he heard the report of thunder; a fireball had exploded a few rods
distant. A fullthroated, many-voiced roar rose from behind, and the beat of hooves on
earth; the air above him was filled with flitting arrows.
Moaning in terror, Mortise gave up hope of escape and simply clutched
the earth for dear life. Another fireball exploded, and another; the air was filled with
smoke now. Fortunately, it had been a wet spring; Mortise didn't think the maizefield
would burn, not yet, anyway.
The cavalry thundered past; one horse missed stepping on him by inches.
And then there were screams and confusion amid the smoke, the thunderous charge becoming
hesitant, breaking up under fire; and then horses galloped back, not far distant, several
with empty saddles.
Things were quieter momentarily; the quietness only made the screams of
the wounded more piercing.
A silver shadow drifted to a halt before Mortise; the cleric looked up
and saw a beast that stood at least twenty hands, silver pelt marred by soot from the
fires, eyes reddened with anger and fear, horn a deeper red with the blood of men. The
unicorn sniffed Mortise for a moment, but forbore to kill him. It drifted on, as silent as
the wind.
Mortise gasped thanks to Deeset; his connection to the goddess-a deity
beloved of elves as well as men-was the only reason he could conceive for the unicorn to
spare him.
There were several more explosions; the smoke became denser. Crashing
noises could be heard through the stalks of maize. A pair of boots passed by him.
The foot was advancing, he realized, under cover of the smoke. They had
broken their tight formation and moved forward individually, to make them less vulnerable
to archers. No doubt they'd regroup at the forest edge.
In moments, he heard the clangs of steel. Then Mortise felt magic
energy discharge-and the very stalks of maize that had sheltered him until now bent down
and began to rip at his flesh.
Screams from the wood told him that the soldiers were similarly beset.
Quietly and grimly, Mortise used his sickle to cut himself free from the maize.
As quickly as it had come, the spell passed. The sounds of battle
continued now, amid the roar of the fire; orange flames licked the sky. They were burning
the trees, he realized; a fire mage was with von Grentz, and they were destroying the
elves' only haven.
Wet spring or no, the whole valley would soon be in flames.
He dared a peek. The trees were a mass of struggling men, horses, and
elves. Von Grentz himself, wielding an enormous sword, strove against the unicorn.
Mortise turned; the ridge behind was empty. The army had passed.
He leapt to his feet and hurtled away.
Feet whirled. Music played. Sidney danced.
Time passed, unreckoned time. So must time be to abeast, which has no
way of measuring it, which has no appointments and no intentions beyond the next meal.
Time passed; and it didn't seem to matter how long a time.
It didn't seem to matter. Only the music, the dance, the beautiful
creatures, both natural and magical; about her; only these things mattered.
Sidney collided with Frer Mortise. She had never stumbled or collided
with anyone before, in all that long time. Mortise was standing stock-still, not far from
the rock at the center of the glade, staring straight upward, upward at the moon.
It was a full moon.
Some remote corner of Sidney's mind noted the fact, but failed to
recollect that the moon had been a crescent when they had gone to sleep. It didn't seem to
matter. Hesitantly, she resumed the dance, mad music swirling about her.
"Lady Deeset!" shouted a high and reedy voice. "Hear
me!" And stock-still within the circle, a motionless point within exuberant motion,
Frer Mortise began a prayer, his eyes upward to his goddess.
His words cut through the music like a knife. The dancers turned toward
him, steps slowing, until they stood unsteadily still.
One by one, the players stopped playing, music dying, turning sour,
like a bagpipe blatting as its bag empties. The moon seemed somehow to have grown until it
covered half the sky. Though each of the humans stood at a different point within the
glade, each of them saw the same thing: the figure of Mortise, silhouetted against an
enormous lunar orb. The priest looked angry and stern, shouting the words of his prayer.
A raccoon scurried away into the forest. The goatlegged man gave a
wordless snarl, leapt off the rock-and never hit ground, disappearing in midleap. As the
humans came groggily to, they looked about the glade-but the fays were gone.
The moon was back in its accustomed place, its accustomed size, but a
full moon still. Mortise was kneeling now, chanting another prayer, this one in thanks to
his goddess.
Sidney fell to the earth, overcome by fatigue, legs trembling
uncontrollably. So did the others, sprawling across the glade.
"Good heavens," said Timaeus, chest heaving with exhaustion.
"What was that?"
"You slept in a faerie ring," said Mortise, moving from form
to form to make sure they were alive. To each he handed a flagon of water.
Sidney looked about the glade; it was nearly circular, in truth, but
there were no toadstools, no standing stones to mark it as such.
What there was gave her a start: On easels about the glade stood
parchments, stretched across triangular and hexagonal frames. On each parchment were
painted mystic symbols. At four points around the circle the compass directions, she
realized-stood braziers, from which wafted scented smoke.
"What are those?" she asked, pointing.
Mortise looked. "It was no small enchantment," he said
apologetically. "It took effort and preparation to break it."
"We should have listened to you," said Jasper. "You did
feel uneasy about this place, didn't you?"
"Yes," said Mortise. He handed each of them a stick of jerky.
As he handed one to her, Sidney realized the intensity of her hunger.
" `I could have danced all night' takes on a new meaning,"
said Nick tiredly.
"Ow law i ee," Sidney said, then swallowed, the jerky only
half masticated, and tried again. "How long did we dance?"
"Eleven days," said Mortise.
There were muttered oaths and exclamations, then silence as they
chewed.
"Thank you, Brother," said Jasper at last. "We owe you a
great deal."
Mortise coughed. "You'll need rest," he said. "I know
you're all tired, but I'll have to ask you to move out of the ring. Crawl, if you have
to."
And they did.
The morning was as pretty a day as one could hope for; clear skies,
bright sun, gentle breezes. Sidney itched to go, but Mortise insisted they spend a day
resting. "You've got eleven days' eating to catch up on," he said, flipping a
cornmeal flapjack in a skillet over the fire. When it was done, he gave it to Sidney, hot
out of the pan. She managed to choke it down with stream water. They had neither syrup nor
sugar among their supplies.
"What I don't understand," said Jasper thoughtfully, "is
why."
"Vhy vhat?" asked Kraki.
"Why did this happen?" asked Jasper. "I've heard the
stories about faerie circles, of course; but in the stories, the fays always have some
good reason to hate their victims. But what have we done to the fays? Or the elvenkind? Or
the denizens of the woods? Apart from killing a few squirrels, I mean."
Mortise nodded. "They normally avoid humans," he said.
"They wanted to kill or delay us. I couldn't say why."
A shiver ran down Sidney's spine. Certainly some creatures wanted them
dead, or delayed; Arst-Kara-Morn might well know of their quest. But the fays were allies
of the elvenkind, and therefore of humanity, in the war against the east; there was no
sense in it. They should have wished the humans well, if anything. ,
"Eleven days," she said. "Broderick could be anywhere!
We have no idea what happened to the statue. It could be"
"Well," said Mortise deferentially, "not no idea."
"What?" said Sidney.
So he told them.
"Elves?" said Jasper.
"Yes," said Mortise.
"Why elves?" asked Jasper.
"Who knows?" said Timaeus shortly. "What does it matter,
anyway? It sounds like this von Grentz fellow has it, anyway."
"That old man with the elves must have been Vic," said Nick.
"But vhy did he-are the elves good guys?" said Kraki.
"What is Vic"
"Who knows?" said Timaeus. "The ways of senility are
unaccountable."
"We've got to get going," said Sidney.
"Tomorrow," said Mortise firmly.
Toward the evening, Jasper essayed a spell. Sidney watched as he spoke
Words of power, spiraled upward into the air in a complex dance-those dirty socks waving
in the air below himand hung there, over the camp, moving slightly this way and
that. "Damn," he said at last.
"What is it?" asked Sidney; Jasper zipped down to her level.
Timaeus listened in, filling his pipe, while the others busied themselves, packing away
belongings and washing the dirty dishes at the stream.
"I'm not sure I can say," said Jasper uncertainly.
"Broderick ... Something has changed."
"Yes," said Sidney. "He's escaped from the elves and
gone off with von Grentz and the statue. Is he off in the same direction as before?
East-southeast?"
"Yes," said Jasper, "the same direction Frer Mortise
traveled. But that's not what bothers me."
"What does?" asked Timaeus.
Jasper sighed. "Something has changed. Something has happened to
Broderick. I sense him still, but the character of the sensation has changed."
"Changed how?" asked Sidney.
"I'm not sure," said Jasper. "But it feels like
something has happened."
"Like what?" demanded Sidney.
"My dear, if I knew, would I not say?" said Jasper irritably.
"Maybe he's found religion. Maybe he's been magically transformed into a newt. Maybe
he'show should I know? The sensation is different, that is all. We'll just have to
go and see."
Sidney went to sleep fretting over the morrowbut, surprisingly,
slept like a log. Exhaustion will do that to you, she muzzily supposed as she dropped off.
III.
Pablo von Kremnitz crept down the dusty passage, the glowing opal on
his finger his only light. One side of the narrow corridor was brick, the other lath and
plaster, the footing uncertain on unboarded joists. The Maiorkest was riddled with such
passages, with secret doors and accessways, with spy-holes and traps. His Epee was out,
probing uncertainly at the dimness before him.
Not far away, a thin line of light shone across the corridor, visible
by the motes of dust that passed through the beam. It came from a spy-hole, drilled
through the wall, a hole permitting surveillance of one of the Maiorkest's many chambers.
Von Kremnitz had passed many such holes; he went to this one, as he had to others, and
pressed an eye to it. Here, between the walls, it was difficult to get one's bearings; he
hoped the sight of the room beyond the hole might tell him where he was. He should be near
the Dandolo Room, if the gods were with him and he had not made a wrong turning, but
Yes, excellent! Through the hole, he caught a glimpse of an armchair
and, beyond it, a stained-glass window, bright with afternoon light. Only three rooms in
the Maiorkest had stained-glass windows, and the Dandolo Room, where the Lord Mayor made
his office, was one of them.
His hand ran over the wall, searching for the control of a secret door.
If this was indeed the Dandolo Room, there should be one nearby. He felt rough wood,
bulbous protrusions where wet plaster had oozed through the laths before solidifying,
layers of dust
There was a clatter. Von Kremnitz froze. The plaster was old, and
decayed; he had knocked some of it loose, sending it rattling down the wall and into the
space between the joists. Cursing under his breath, von Kremnitz peered through the
peephole again, hoping he had not alerted anyone within the room.
A voice, heavy with drink, came muffled to his ears. "Cockroaches
in the walls," it said; the speaker must be talking fairly loudly. "They told me
there were cockroaches in the walls, in the Maiorkest; an intelligent man might reason
that where there are cockroaches, there may be assassins. Come forth, blackguard. These
old fingers may not be as dextrous with a blade as once they were, but I shall endeavor to
give a good account of myself."
At last, von Kremnitz's fingers found the brass fitting that controlled
the secret door, but he hesitated to work it now. Coming to a decision, he sheathed his
epйe before pulling the lever and pushing back the section of wall on its hinges.
Von Kremnitz took two steps within the Dandolo Room and knelt on the
rich Nokhena carpet within. Head down, he said, "My lord, I come not to slay but to
rescue you."
"What have we here?" that thick voice said, no longer muffled
by the thickness of the walls. "I believe I detect the odor of the provincial. I have
no need of rescue, lad; at least, there is nothing from which I can be
rescued."
Von Kremnitz dared a look upward; the Lord Mayor stood before him, a
snifter of brandy in one hand and a rapier in the other. The rapier drooped, no longer at
guard, but not sheathed either. Hamish Siebert was much as von Kremnitz had imagined him,
from glimpses afar, from engravings: a jowly man, with something of the air of a basset
hound and an expression of, somehow, mixed jollity and combativeness. Von Kremnitz had not
expected to find him half sloshed; the redness in his cheeks was surely neither
embarrassment, nor an excess of sun, nor the consequence of vigorous exercise.
"My lord," he said, "I am a leftenant of your Foot
Guard. While on private business, I learned of a conspiracy against your life, against
the, the Hamsterian state. Believing my own superiors compromised, I"
"Let's see," said Siebert. "The Guelphards? The
Smalkaldians? Fenian's little group? The Mattmark separatists? The Accommodationists? Or
the Hauliers' Guild?"
"Thethe gens von Krautz, my lord."
"Oh, yes, Julio von Krautz, bit of an ass, that man. I shouldn't
worry too much about him, if I were you, lad. Old Julio has all the political nous of
a particularly unintelligent rabbit. I count eleven known conspiracies against my life, as
of this morning, and I don't think we even bothered to include old Krautz, since he's got
about as much chance of bringing. something off as Stantius the Third has of returning
from the grave."
Blushing, von Kremnitz rose to his feet. "It seems I have been a
fool," he said. "Forgive my temerity, my lord; I shall depart immediately."
"No, no, by no means," said Siebert. "Take a seat, my
boy." He waved his snifter toward one of the armchairs and, with the motion,
apparently realized anew the existence of its contents. He tilted it back, drained it, and
madetoward the sideboard. "Join me, won't you? Brandy? Sherry? Or we have an
excellent Moothlayan single-malt."
"My lord," said von Kremnitz. "I feel quite the idiot.
Please permit me to retire shamefaced to my"
"Oh, shut up," said Siebert. "Since you won't choose,
you shall have the brandy. Here you go." He handed von Kremnitz a snifter practically
brimful of the powerful liquor. Von Kremnitz took a gulp of the burning stuff, unsure what
else to do.
"Are you any good with that blade of yours?" asked Siebert.
Von Kremnitz cleared his throat. "Yes," he said uncertainly.
" `Yes'?" said Siebert. "That's it? `Yes'? No boasting
of your prowess, the many fine swordsmen you have bested? No falsely modest declarations
of `some slight expertise'? Merely `Yes'?"
"What would you have, my lord?" asked von Kremnitz miserably.
"I have been in the city mere weeks; I am accounted the finest swordsman in
Meersteinmetz, but the finest swordsman in Meersteinmetz may be a mere fumbling
provincial, by the standards of the city."
Siebert snorted. "How many weeks have you been here?"
"Three, my lord."
"And in that time, how many duels have you fought?"
"Sixteen, my lord."
Siebert, in the process of sipping his brandy, snorted, then coughed
for long moments, trying to clear his nose of the liquor. "Sixteen? Ye gods, you must
wear your honor on your sleeve."
"I shall not see the name of my lord, my city, nor my regiment
insulted," von Kremnitz said stiffly.
Siebert laughed long and loud. "I see," he said at last,
wiping eyes with a lace handkerchief. "Sixteen duels are explained. I imagine it's
difficult to walk down the street without hearing someone condemning that wild-eyed
radical, the Lord Mayor. If you wish to avoid further contests at arms, I advise you to
remain in your barracks. Or frequent the dives of the proletariat; I may be well liked
there. Tell me; of the sixteen, what was the disposition?"
"I slew two men; six were sufficiently wounded as to require
medical attention. The remaining eight were satisfied with first blood."
"They were satisfied with first blood? I see no healing wounds
upon you."
"I beg your pardon, my lord. I was satisfied with first blood,
when they withdrew their vile slanders."
"I see," said Siebert thoughtfully. "I believe I may
have use for a young man of your abilities and, um, steadfast loyalty."
Von Kremnitz sat up straighter in his chair. "My lord," he
said. "I shall do what I may."
"Excellent," said Siebert. "There are few men of whom I
can rely; another is always welcome."
"My lord!" protested von Kremnitz. "Surely the men of
your regiment, the ministers of state"
"Surely," said Siebert mockingly. "Let us have less
modesty about the abilities of swordsmen from the provinces, and rather more about their
appreciation of political realities. Hamsterburg is a sewer; I am appointed to muck it
out; and the rats do not appreciate the attention."
"My lord"
"Be quiet. You claim to be concerned at plots to my life; rest at
ease. Why worry about the inevitable? I estimate my life span at eight months, at the
outside. Oh, I try to keep on top of the various conspiraciesthe Ministry of
Internal Serenity has been suspiciously supportive, but I can't trust Minister Stantz even
as far as I can throw him, which is probably a distance measurable only with calipers, as
you'll appreciate if you ever meet the man. But there are just too many, you know. I'm
seventy-two if I'ma day, I have periodic gout, I have no political following to speak of,
and the Hundred Gentes elected me only as a placeholder, because they were too
quarrelsome to settle on someone with any more political clout. I know I'm a dead man, and
my only ambition is to gore as many oxen as I may before some lunatic settles my hash. To
mix a metaphor. Drink your damned brandy, my boy."
"Yes, my lord," said von Kremnitz, who, round-eyed, had been
neglecting his drink. He choked on another hasty mouthful.
"What is your name, by the way?" asked Siebert.
"Pablo von Kremnitz, my lord."
"Noble, eh?"
"Third son of a knight, my lord."
"Pity," said Siebert. "See here, you know the Graf von
Grentz?"
"Socially? No, I"
"Socially?" snorted Siebert. "My good man, I don't
imagine you travel in such circles. You've heard of him, yes?"
"Of course, my lord; an Accommodationist, is he not?"
"Yes, quite. Actually, Gerlad von Grentz virtually rules the Accommodationist party.
I don't imagine he really thinks we can bargain with Arst-Kara-Morn, somehow keep the orcs
from our gates with diplomacy; but neither the military nobilization nor the taxes it
requires is particularly popular, and questioning the need for them is good political
theater. Very bad policy, to be sure, but good politics, if you follow the distinction.
"He's up to some damn thingwell, that goes without saying,
doesn't it? Everybody's up to something, in this lunatic city. Thankfully, Minister Stantz
keeps pretty good tabs on what most people are up to, but neither he nor I have much of a
take on von Grentz. You see, he's off in the provinces."
"My lord?"
"Doesn't seem so odd to a provincial? Hamsterburg is astorm, lad,
half the town trying to kill me, the other half maneuvering to gain power after my death,
some portion of them hoping to thwart, or benefit by, or modify the reforms I am imposing.
Gerlad von Grentz is not a man to vacate the city at a vital political juncture; no, he
should be here, pulling strings with as much abandon as any of them. Instead, he retires
to his ancestral castle near some dusty little village called Weintroockle. Make a plonk
of some kind out there, I understand."
"What has this to do with me, my lord?" asked von Kremnitz.
"Patience, lad. Word has reached my earby way of Stantz,
incidentally, meaning I can't trust the information-that a pitched battle was fought near
Weintroockle in the last fortnight, between von Grentz's household troops andnobody
seems to know. Von Grentz is up to something, you see; something is going on out there in
Weintroockle, and I need to know what. You are a naпf; nobody knows who you are; you're a
provincial, so nobody will take you seriously; and you seem quite capable with that blade
of yours. Go to Weintroockle, poke around, come back. I'll give you a safe passage, for
what it's worth-the gods only know how many Hamsterian citizens are likely to respect this
Lord Mayor's laissezpassebut use it only as a last resort. Will you do
it?"
"My lord has only to command," said von Kremnitz, springing
to his feet and to attention.
"Oh, don't be an idiot,", said Siebert. "You're probably
walking into a deathtrap-although, come to think of it, judging by the frequency
with which you duel, walking into a deathtrap may improve your life expectancy. I shan't
order you to do anything: It's quite one thing for me to throw my life away on whimsical
quixotry, it's quite another for me to ask a young man, with years of sexual potency and
any number of flagons of wine ahead of him, todo likewise. I'm asking you to go, but I
positively refuse to order it; some scant salve for a much-decaying conscience."
"I shall depart on the instant," said von Kremnitz.
"Righto," said Siebert. He moved to his desk, picked up a
quill, and scratched something onto a piece of parchment. "Off you go then."
"I shall not fail you, my lord," said von Kremnitz, kneeling
to kiss Siebert's ring.
"Oh, bloody hell, enough of that," said Siebert. "Au
revoir, bon voyage, the hopes of the city ride with you, and so forth and so on."
He folded the parchment, tucked it in von Kremnitz's belt, and pointed the young man
toward the secret door. As von Kremnitz crawled into the passage, he felt a resounding
slap on his buttock.
Hamish Siebert, Lord Mayor of Hamsterburg, sat at the head of the
table, leaning well back, his elbows, on the arms of his chair, fingers steepled before
him. He waited patiently, a slight smile on his jowly face, as his ministers drifted in.
As always, the cabinet met in the Octagon Chamber, deep within the
Maiorkest. Stone walls rose to high windows. Though it was spring, a fire roared in the
great hearth; this pile of stones retained the chill of winter well into the hottest days
of summer, and for now, it was still rather cold.
Siebert studied the portraits that ran around the perimeter of the
room. They depicted mayors past, unsmiling men and women leaning outward from the walls,
the frames angled down for better viewing, imposing a sense that these grim potentates
regarded the doings of their successors with stern and censorious eyes.
He looked about the table. Yes, they were all here, all but one,
studying each other discreetly, no warmth among them. In happier times, they might have
passed the time with pleasantries; but in these strained circumstances, with half the city
maneuvering for power, conversation was impossible.
Siebert envied the rulers of other states, who might choose their own
advisors; his cabinet had been foisted on him by the Hundred Gentes, the great
families that ruled Hamsterburg, that had elected him mayor in the mistaken belief that he
would be a comfortable nonentity. The foreign minister was an Accommodationist, the
minister of public works a Smalkaldian, the minister of the Arsenal of the Bleinmetz gens.
Even that fool Julio von Krautz had his own little piece of the pie, the Department of
Drains and Water Supply. In fact, the fat little turd was seated just to Siebert's left,
looking as if he were sucking on lemons.
Every faction had its own little piece of the action, its own access to
the public purse. That was precisely what Siebert hoped to end.
They were all here but Stantz. Siebert pursed his lips. Stantz's
lateness might be a calculated insult, or perhaps merely a way of demonstrating his
importance; they could not start without him. Rather, Siebert would not start
without him; Stantz was virtually his only ally, however untrustworthy an ally he might
be. It was hard to trust a man whose files contained evidence of innumerable
indiscretions, whose spies were everywhere, who was known to the general public, in hushed
whispers, as "The Spider." It was not a reference to his physiognomy.
Siebert frowned irritably and opened his mouth; there was a limit to
the length of time he would willingly wait. At that very moment, however, the great doors
creaked open at last.
"His Excellency, Guismundo Stantz, Minister of Internal
Serenity," announced the footman.
Stantz stood between the two splayed doors, a cane in each hand. He
needed two, to support his bulk. Attendantshad helped him this far, but now they stood
respectfully back.
Painfully, advancing both canes before levering his body behind them,
he progressed into the room. He moved with elephantine slowness. "Elephantine"
was an apt word; he was three hundred, possibly four hundred pounds.
"I beg your pardon for my tardiness, my lord," said Stantz,
in a curiously sweet voice for such a man. "I was delayed en route."
"Confound it, Minister," said Siebert. "We've important
matters to discuss."
"Yes, my lord," said Stantz, in his melodic voice. He was
halfway to his seat now.
Siebert sighed. "My Lord Privy Purse," he said,
"commence, if you will."
Lord Mannheim went to the sideboard. A jeroboam of single-malt stood
there: the Isle of Alban, the preferred tipple, so it was said, of Mayor Albertus, the
Republic's founder. It was served from the same decanter at the inception of every cabinet
meeting.
Mannheim went to each place in turn, pouring a careful two forgers into
each tumbler. They would all drink from the same bottle. Just as every Hamsterian citizen
drank from the wellspring of the city's life, just as each thrived or suffered with the
state, so every minister drank from the same potation. If it was poisoned, they all would
die. It had happened more than once in the history of the Republic.
Mistrustful glances were exchanged across the table. Several sniffed
their tumblers.
To Siebert's mind, the serving of the Alban stood as a salutary
reminder that the cabinet's business was not individual ambition but the Serene Republic's
health. There were all too few such reminders.
No one drank, just yet.
Stantz came finally to his chair and managed, somehow, to squeeze his
bulk between the arms. He put his canes together, leaned them against the table, and took
his tumbler. All eyes were on him as he tossed the whisky back.
One could almost hear a sigh pass around the table. Other ministers
reached out for their own glasses and sipped or gulped the whisky, whatever was their
normal practice.
Stantz had the best spies in Hamsterburg. If he thought the malt was
unpoisoned, the odds were that he was right.
The Lord Mayor reached for his own glass and saw that Julio von Krautz
had taken it-the two glasses had been close to each other on the table. Siebert gave von
Krautz a stare, and reached over to take the minister's glass.
The Lord Mayor took a sip or two of the whisky intended for von Krautz.
"Now then," he began roughly. "I have here a proposal to open bidding on
public contracts."
A ripple of astonishment went around the table.
"The proposal applies to all public works, but will affect most
immediately the collection of trash. Hauliers and private citizens may bid on the contract
to collect refuse from individual parishes of the city; bids will be open to public
review, and"
"My lord!" shouted von Krautz, leaping to his feet.
"This, this is insane!"
"How so?" demanded Siebert coolly, leaning back in his chair.
"For centuries, the guiding gens of each parish has
controlled the collection of trash in its own demesne; the ancient firms that perform the
work have intimate ties to"
"Precisely," said Siebert. "It has become a sinecure, a
source of patronage for the gentes, to the detriment of public hygiene and at great
public expense. By casting collection open to public"
"Again you attack the very roots of the state!" shouted von
Krautz. "Will you not cease, before you destroy all the traditions of our city,
reduce us to servility beforebefore" He was red-faced now, apparently too
enraged to speak further.
"I am gratified to know," said Siebert dryly, "that the
very roots of the state lie in garbage. My lordmy lord, are you all right?"
Von Krautz was pressing his midriff, as if he had gas pains. Or a
painful ulcer, perhaps. "It is nothing," he said hoarsely, stiffening his spine.
"One by one, you deprive the gentes of our privileges; one by one, you attack
our ancient traditions; one by one youhunnnh."
Von Krautz stood now with both hands flat on the table, staring
downward at a pad of paper, a quill, an inkpot, all on polished wood.
He made a curious sound.
He vomited -blood. Not a little splashed into Siebert's lap.
Julio von Krautz collapsed onto the table.
Siebert looked at the glass in his hand: He held von Krautz's tumbler.
He looked at the glass, now stained with blood, that stood just by von Krautz's left
temple: That glass had been meant for him.
Siebert's eyes went instantly to those of Guismundo Stantz. Stantz's
piggish eyes were staring back.
There were shocked faces, hooded eyes all about the table.
Someone had meant to kill him, Siebert knew. Someone had meant to kill
him. Who?
Eleven conspiracies, by this morning's count. And yet
"This meeting is at an end," Siebert announced, his voice a
little shaken. "We shall take up this matter another time. Minister Stantz, I shall
expect an immediate investigation."
"Of course, my lord," said Stantz, levering himself painfully
to his feet.
They had all drunk from the Alban, every one of them. Yet only von
Krautz had died, one man out of all of them. How was that possible? Who could have managed
it?
Siebert's eyes followed Stantz, those canes moving slowly forward,
those heavy limbs behind.
Who else but Stantz, the Spider, assassin?
IV.
Guismundo Stantz wheezed painfully, collapsed in the chair behind his
great, semicircular desk. Sweat rolled off him in rivulets, lungs labored in desperation.
It was long moments before he regained control.
He had rushed back from the Maiorkest, back here to the Albertine
Lodge, the headquarters of Internal Serenity. He had ordered his coachman to whip the
horses on, bracing himself against the inevitable jostling, and had practically trotted
through the halls. Now he was paying the price. He wiped his face with a lace-trimmed
handkerchief until it was sodden.
He loathed those meetings in the Maiorkest; given the option, he'd
never leave this room. Here, in his office, he had everything.
He had light. There were no windows, to be sure; windows admitted
light, but also, on occasion, spies and assassins. Instead, light shone from a shaft above
his desk, delivered to the enclosed room from the building's roof bya complex series of
mirrors and lenses. A contraption hung from the ceiling; from a lens at one end, intense
light shone out, illuminating the papers on Stantz's desksunlight, directed by levers and
pulleys wherever Stantz needed illumination.
He had information. He had speaking tubes to reach subordinates, a
newscrystal to keep up to date, scrying globes for magical contact; here he was the Spider
indeed, sitting amid his web, spies and sources extending off across the lands of
Hamsterburg and beyond. He was alert to every twinge of the web, every jerk that meant a
development in the politics of the Republic or the relationship of the powers, alert and
ready to scurry, to the advantage of the city.
And he had food and drink. An enormous wheel of Stralitzer sat on the
end table, along with a cheese knife and an array of crackers; by it stood an ewer of
water and a bottle of syrup of greepStantz was partial to greep sodas. And if he
desired anything more, the ministry boasted an excellent kitchen, staffed every hour of
the day or night, its chef accessible by one of the hinged brass speaking tubes that hung
above Stantz's desk.
Lord mayors and grand dukes came and went, but the state went on. And
Stantz was a loyal servant of the state. His goal was simple: the aggrandizement of his
native city, for which he felt a fierce emotion, one of the few emotions remaining to him.
For Hamsterburg, he was prepared to do any deed. Assassination included, to be sure.
Not, however, this time. Siebert was a fool; but war was coming, and
Siebert was taking the necessary steps to prepare for war. Stantz had no desire to see him
dead, especially since there would be internecine struggle over the succession, struggle
that might well break out into civil war.
In fact, Stantz considered, the method of von Krautz's assassination
was carefully calculated to cast suspicion on-on Guismundo Stantz. The pouring of the
Alban was part of Hamsterian legend; the whole cabinet dies, or none. To engineer the
death of a single member was audacious, clever; and Stantz had a reputation for audacity
and cleverness. No doubt the whole cabinet believed he had killed von Krautz, had meant to
kill Siebert.
As, no doubt, did Siebert. It would be difficult to repair relations,
Stantz reflected.
Who might want Stantz discredited, almost more than he wanted Siebert
dead?
"Anyone who seeks absolute power," Stantz whispered to
himself. Absolute power would necessitate the removal of Stantz; the Lord Mayor might be
the power of the state de jure, but Stantz had long since become the most powerful
man of the urbs de facto.
Stantz sat for a long time, eyes moving to the newscrystal, the sound
currently low, where the image of a tiny demon sat, reading stories in a bored monotone.
Stantz had not killed von Krautz.
It didn't bother him that von Krautz had died; assassination was a
commonplace in the politics of Hamsterburg.
What bothered Stantz was this: He didn't know who had killed von
Krautz.
That was a shocking failure. He should have known. It was his business
to know. In the building above him, Records had files on every nobleman, every merchant,
and every thief in the Republic. An army of paid informants blanketed Hamsterburg; he knew
every faction, every gens, every cabal, knew their names and their ambitions. He
knew what three dozen different groups were plotting, knew of eleven plots against
Siebert's lifeand knew that none was within weeks of fruition.
Something was up. Stantz wanted to know what.
Stantz needed to know. Knowledge was his existence. It was
almost a physical need.
He pulled down a speaking tube and bellowed, "Bleichroder! Get me
Wolfe."
And then he picked up the cheese knife and set to work on the
Stralitzer.
"What," said the shadow. It was more of a statement than a
question.
Stantz started, the flesh of his upper arm jiggling. He swallowed a
mouthful of cheese.
Wolfe occupied the armchair across the desk. Stantz hadn't seen her
come in, nor the door open. He barely saw her now, her dark gray clothes blending into the
shadows of the chair's depths.
"I wish you wouldn't do that, Ren," he said mildly. Not for
the first time, it occurred to him that she was the greatest hole in his security;
suborned or alienated, she could kill him far more easily than anyone else. The thought
bothered him, but he put it aside. She was loyal, she was well paid, she was
indispensable.
Wolfe merely shrugged.
"Julio von Krautz has been killed," Stantz said.
"Accidentally; the Lord Mayor was the target."
"All over town," said Wolfe. "Word is, you did it."
"Not I," said Stantz.
"Didn't think so," said Wolfe. "I' d've known."
Stantz nodded. "I need to know who did."
Wolfe looked interested at that, leaning forward so that her scarred
face was visible in the light from the ceiling. "You don't know?"
"No," said Stantz, frowning. "That bothers me."
"Me too," said Wolfe, leaning back. "Know how it was
done?"
"Yes," said Stantz. "Trivial."
Wolfe leaned forward again; she was actually smiling this time.
"Word is," she said, "whisky was poisoned, whole cabinet drank whisky, but
only von Krautz died. Word is, impossible hit. Word is, assassin was a genius. Word is,
must have been you."
"Impossible hit my ass," said Stantz.
"Large ass," observed Wolfe.
"Thank you kindly," said Stantz, slightly annoyed.
"There are at least three ways von Krautz could have been poisoned. The most likely
is the simplest: There was a water- or alcohol-soluble poison in the bottom of his glass.
Easy enough to accomplish, with a bribe or two to the Maiorkest kitchen staff. Only one
glass was poisoned; only one man died."
Wolfe nodded. "I'll work on it."
"Do, Ren," said Stantz seriously. "When you find
something, I want to hear-instantly. Any hour of the day or night."
"Fine," said Wolfe faintly.
Stantz blinked; the armchair was empty. He hadn't seen Wolfe go.
"Wow," said the boy enthusiastically. "You have your
wild sex orgies down here?" He bounded down the dank steps with enthusiasm. Maybe
"boy" was a little unfair, thought Wolfe; he probably considered himself a man.
Still, whatever his age, his apparent level of intellectual and emotional maturity made it
absurd to think of him as an adult.
"Sure," said Wolfe. "This way."
The stairs ended in a large chamber, lit by flickering torches. Moss
covered the stones of the walls; water trickled down the center of the room. Against one
wall was an open furnace; around it were tables, fitted with manacles, chains, and blood
runnels. More chains and manacles hung from the walls.
"Gosh," said the boy, picking up a bullwhip and examining it.
"This is, like, maybe a little too kinky for me. So where are the girls, huh?"
Wolfe grabbed his wrist and locked a manacle about it.
"Sorry," she said. "Aren't any."
"Hey!" said the boy. "Let me out, okay? I mean, a joke
is a joke, but"
"Fenstermann!" shouted Wolfe. "Where the hell are
you?"
"Coming, coming," said a tired bass voice from down the hall
at the far end of the room. Footfalls sounded, and flickering torchlight moved up the
corridor as Fenstermann neared the chamber.
"Who's Fenstermann?" asked the boy.
"The torturer," said Wolfe.
"Oh, mama," said the boy. "Look, I was looking for some
action, sure, but this kind of thing"
"It was a ruse, you moron," snapped Wolfe. "There are no
girls, no wild sex, none of that crap. I could have coshed you and carried you here, but
it was easier to feed you a line of guff."
Fenstermann entered the chamber, bearing a torch. He was bare to the
waist, wearing a domino mask and tight pants. His arms looked like the Platonic ideal of
the notion of "mighty thews." He looked like he could rip the fangs out of a
tyger's mouth with bare hands.
"Oh, gods," he complained, "not another one,
Wolfe."
"Sorry, Fenstermann," said Wolfe. "This guy's on the
Maiorkest kitchen staff. He may know something about the von Krautz assassination."
"All right, all right," said Fenstermann morosely. He took
some pincers, some large knives, and some odd contraptions with big spikes and serrated
edges, and stuck them into the furnace. "Look, suppose we accept as a given that ends
can justify means. The question arises: Which ends and what means? Torture"
"Shut up, Fenstermann," said Wolfe impatiently. "Just do
the job."
"Look, I'll talk, okay?" said the boy. "Peter piper
picked a peck of pickled peppers. Once I met a lass, a bonny bonny lass-I'm talking, see?
I'll say anything you want, only please don't "
Fenstermann turned toward him, holding a long piece of metal with
something on the end that glowed red in the dimness of the dungeon. The boy moaned,
staring at it like a terrified bird.
"Fine. You set the table in the Octagon Chamber before the cabinet
meeting?" asked Wolfe.
"Yeah, that's right," said the boy.
"Von Krautz's glass was poisoned. You do it?"
"Me? Uh, no, no, I didn'tcouldn't possiblyI
mean"
"Brand 'im, Fenstermann."
"Your karma, Wolfe," said Fenstermann, waving the branding
iron, which was glowing now a duller red. "You really want to spend your next
reincarnation as a dung beetle?"
"Just do the job, dammit, Fenstermann," said Wolfe.
"Everybody's a goddamn philosopher. I don't ask you to enjoy sticking red-hot
needles into people's eyeballs, I just ask you to do it. Now stop whining, for gods'
sake."
Fenstermann shrugged. "Sorry," he said to the boy, and probed
gingerly toward a leg with the iron.
"Yeah, I poisoned the glass! I did it! I admit it! Okay? Stop it!
Only I didn't know it was poison. And it was supposed to be for the Lord Mayor, not for
Baron von Krautz."
Wolfe raised an eyebrow. "Tell me about it," she suggested.
"This guy, Siggy Hoffmann, he paid me to do it. Gave me a vial of
this transparent crystal stuff, told me to put like a quarter teaspoon in the bottom of
the mayor's glass. Said he'd kill me if I ever told." The boy's burst of speech ended
on a depressed tone.
"How much he pay you?" asked Wolfe.
"Ten shillings," said the boy, subdued.
"Ten shillings?" said Wolfe, astonished. "You agreed to
assassinate the ruler of the most powerful state in the human lands for less than a
quid?"
"Hey, I didn't know it was poison. And anyway, it didn't kill him,
it got von"
"Somebody tells you to put a mysterious substance in the Lord
Mayor's drink, and it doesn't occur to you that maybe, just maybe, the stuff isn't going
to be good for his health?"
"Well, geez, it occurred to me, but, well, I needed the pelf, see,
cause this girl"
"Spare me," said Wolfe.
They were silent for a while. Fenstermann was smiling, pleased that he
wouldn't have to torture the lad after all.
"Well," said Wolfe at last, "we won't give Siggy
Hoffmann the chance to kill you."
"Oh, thank you, thank you," said the boy. "I'll do
anything"
Wolfe turned to Fenstermann. "See what the Szanbu cultists'll pay
for him," she said. "One of their holy days is coming up soon; they'll need
sacrificial victims."
Fenstermann lost his smile. "Yes, ma'am," he said
reluctantly.
The boy began to wail.
A whale lay sprawled on the enormous circular bed, its bulk covered
only by a blanket. It blew, with a noise like a fireball's explosion. Stantz's snore could
wake the dead, Wolfe thought, studying her sleeping employer.
It took some doing to study him; it was pitch black here-no windows, no
illumination other than a thin, meager glow through the bottom of the locked and bolted
door. She was probably one of the few folk alive who could see in such dimness.
"Guismundo," she said.
Stantz was instantly alert. He thrashed with the blanket, rolled off
the bed to smash into the floor with a wet smack, and scrabbled desperately with
something.
"Sir," she said, "I've come to"
Stantz had something in his hand. There was a burp of blue light, and
something spun across space between Stantz and Wolfe, striking her in the stomach. She was
propelled by the impact into the paneled wall. A hand went automatically to her stomach,
and felt something warm, wet, and sticky: blood.
Flashes of blue light were blasting across the room in a flurry,
smashing into the walls and furniture. By the light they emitted, Wolfe saw that Stantz
was on one elbow, sitting up, a wand of some kind in his hand. He was also quite
naked-something that hadn't been evident when Stantz had been below the blanket but that
was now quite obvious and, to Wolfe's eyes, more than a little revolting. She didn't think
she'd ever seen anyone with quite so many rolls of fat.
"Stop that, you idiot!" Wolfe shouted. "It's me!"
Stantz stopped firing the wand. "Ren?" he said, then was
silent for a moment. "Dammit, I thought I was well protected. How did you get through
the wards?"
The room was protected by magic, as well as guards and physical traps.
It had taken more than a little work to get within, but Wolfe had been happy to expend the
effort, in the service of her own reputation for infallibility. "I have my
methods," she said in an irritated tone. "You did tell me to report at any hour
of the day or night."
There were loud clicks and bangs; someone was working on the door's
locks. "What's that?" demanded Wolfe.
Stantz had got to his hands and knees and was pulling
on the bed, trying to stand erect. "The guards," he said,
grunting. "I triggered the alarm"
"Call them off," said Wolfe.
"Can't," said Stantz, finally standing up. "They're to
assume I'm being held hostage if"
The door smashed open. Men darted into the room, fanning out; in
instants, three swords were at Wolfe's throat, crossbows bristling with bolts behind the
swordsmen.
"Kill him?" grunted one of the guards. Wolfe was slightly
annoyed at that, but only slightly; she was aware she cut arather androgynous figure, and
certainly her loose-fitting gray clothes did nothing to emphasize her femininity.
"No," said Stantz, rather embarrassedly, wrapping a blanket
around his midriff. "Get us some tea. And a healer for Wolfe."
Fenstermann pushed up the manhole cover and peered down the moonlit
alley. He didn't see anyone, so he climbed back down the ladder. "Give me the ten
shillings," he told the boy.
"B-b-but ... What am I"
"Look, kid," said Fenstermann, "I have to show Wolfe
some money to prove I sold you to the Szanbuists. She'll think ten shillings is poetic
justice. Give me the money, and I'll let you go."
The boy looked hopeful for the first time in hours. He'd been terrible
company, pissing and moaning away in his cell. Only by telling himself that anger was a
mortal sin had Fenstermann avoided screaming at the lad.
"You will?" said the boy.
"Sure," said Fenstermann. "I suggest you leave
Hamsterburg at once. If Wolfe finds you alive, you won't stay that way long. If people
find out you killed von Krautz, your life isn't worth a shaven ha'penny. And if Siggy
Whatsisname finds out you ratted on him ..."
The boy's chin began to quiver again. "But where can I go?"
"Not my problem," said Fenstermann gently, unlocking the
manacles. "Just be glad I'm letting you go."
The boy handed him a small purse and scrambled up the ladder.
"Hey," Fenstermann called after him, "slide the cover
back over the hole . . ."
Running footfalls sounded, getting fainter with distance. For a moment,
Fenstermann stood staring up at the manhole and the starry sky beyond; then he climbed the
ladder himself, grabbed the manhole cover and dragged it into place, scowling all the
while at the ingratitude of the world.
Stantz was barefoot and bare-chested, if you could call the folds of
flesh sloping from shoulders to midriff a chest. While the cleric finished his spell and
taped the gauze over Wolfe's wound, Stantz poured a noxious brown syrup into a glass,
covered it with water, stirred, then spoke a brief cantrip. The water started to foam.
Stantz took a sip.
"What's that?" asked Wolfe, as the cleric packed up his
asperger and candle. Oil lamps provided a dim illumination, and a guard stood watch by the
door, ostensibly to take a message if one was necessary, but in reality, Wolfe knew, to
keep an eye on her.
"Greep spritzer," said Stantz, sitting on the bed. It creaked
under the weight. "Want one?"
"I'll pass," said Wolfe.
"Good stuff," said Stantz. "So what have you got?"
"Sigismundo Hoffmann paid a boy on the Maiorkest kitchen staff to
poison the Lord Mayor's glass."
"Are you sure?" asked Stantz, looking surprised. Wolfe
couldn't remember seeing Stantz look surprised before.
"Yes," she said with an edge in her voice. "I'm
sure."
"Sorry, Ren," said Star'-., putting his drink down and
rearranging his blanket. "Hoffmann works for Gerlad von Grentz.
Von Grentz is a cautious man. He wouldn't try to kill Siebert unless he thought he was
going to come out on top in the struggle to follow ... But why would he ... ?"
Stantz lifted a fold of flesh to scratch beneath it while he thought.
Wolfe stood gingerly up-there was a twinge, but not a bad one; the cleric had done his
work welland went to the sideboard to pour herself a brandy. It was good stuff;
Stantz did not stint himself.
"Are we sure Hoffmann was working for von Grentz?" asked
Stantz. "Someone might have turned him, or he might moonlight, if someone paid him
enough."
"You'd know better than I," said Wolfe.
"Of course," said Stantz. "I'll check the file in the
morning."
"You want me to bring Hoffmann in?"
"No, no," said Stantz, shaking his head. Wolfe was interested
to see how much of Stantz's body jiggled with the motion. "No need to tip our hand;
besides, von Grentz wouldn't have told Hoffmann anything. `Get someone on the kitchen
-staff to put some of this in the Lord Mayor's glass,' with a big sum for doing the job.
Hoffmann would know it was poison, but not why von Grentz wanted Siebert dead, or much of
anything else."
Wolfe nodded. "What do you want me to do?"
Stantz was staring at a framed portrait on the wall: a scowling woman
in dress that was several decades out of style. Wolfe guessed it might be his mother.
"Von Grentz knows something we don't," he said. "His faction is strong, but
not strong enough to force through its own candidate for the mayoralty."
"The gens von Grentz?" asked Wolfe.
"Eh? No, no. The Graf von Grentz is an Accommodationist."
Wolfe nodded.
"Von Grentz must think he has something that would clinch his
election as Lord Mayor, if Siebert were out of the way," said Stantz, standing,
lurching to his feet. "We need to know what it is."
Wolfe sighed. She didn't care, particularly, whether von Grentz was the
next mayor or not. Stantz probably didn't, either; he just couldn't stand the notion that
someone was keeping him in ignorance.
"You'll have to get into the Drachehaus," Stantz said.
Wolfe had heard the name, but couldn't place it. "Which is?"
"The von Grentz city residence," said Stantz.
"Wonderful," said Wolfe. "I'll bet their security is
tighter than a constipate's anus."
Stantz snorted. "Then you, Madame Wolfe, must prove an effective
laxative."
Wolfe blinked. "I prefer to think of myself in other terms,"
she said.
"No doubt," said Stantz. "And now, if you don't mind, I
do intend to get a few hours' sleep."
"Fine," said Wolfe. Stantz was between her and a lamp, his
shadow long on the floor before her. She stepped forward and
Stantz blinked; one moment she was there, the next not.
He nodded and went to close and bolt the door.
How had she gotten in? he wondered as he lowered himself onto the bed.
He kept the room pitch dark to eliminate even the faintest shadow. That was obviously not
enough.
It was sometimes worrisome, having so effective a leftenant.
Someone knocked on the door.
"Dammit," Stantz called into the darkness, "I'm not to
be disturbed."
"I'm sorry, sir," came a worried voice from outside;
Bleichroder, his personal secretary. "It's the elvish ambassador, and she says it's
urgent "
Stantz groaned, sat up, and reached for the blanket. It didn't look
like he'd get any more sleep tonight.
He'd need to get dressed for this one; one could hardly meet the
authorized representative of a great power with a blanket draped about one's midriff.
"Get my valet," he said, and prepared to lurch to his feet, no easy task for a
man of his bulk.
The elvish ambassador? What the devil does she want? Stantz wondered.
V.
It took them two days to travel from the faerie ring to the blasted
remnants of the trees where the elves had made their stand. They were a haggard, unkempt
crew when at last they arrived.
Charred tree trunks poked morosely up from the blackened earth. Before
them ran a line of hastily dug graves. Timaeus wandered among them, sniffing at the air,
while the others stood before the graves.
"I have no intention of digging him up, Jasper," said Sidney.
"If you say he's in that grave, I'll take your word for it."
"Look," said Nick. "You said yourself that your spell
registered some change in Broderick. Death is change, isn't it?"
Jasper said, "Yes, but how can we be sure"
"Have you ever seen a body that's been in the grave for a
week?" asked Nick.
"Well, no. Have you?" said Jasper.
"Uh, no," said Nick. "I don't want to, either. The point
is, what makes you think you'll be able to identify him if you do dig him up? Ever bought
a steak, and kept it around for a week?"
"Well" said Jasper.
"I did see him wounded," Frer Mortise pointed out. "The
wound might have been severe enough for him to die."
"And it would be awfully convenient, for this von Grentz guy,
Broderick dying," Nick said. "I think we've got evidence enough."
"If you want those bodies dug up," said Sidney irritably,
"do it yourself."
"I say, look here," said Jasper. "Wouldn't it be best to
be sure?"
"Me, I'm sure," said Nick. "I'm also tired and thirsty.
We're maybe half a mile from that hamlet we saw earlier. I bet there's an inn there-and I
bet every peasant for miles around knows what happened here, and whether Broddy bought it
or not. I bet some of them are eating lunch at that inn right now, and I bet they'd be
happy to spill their guts for a round of drinks."
"I wouldn't mind seeing Lotte again," said Frer Mortise.
"Good," said Sidney. "Let's go." She turned and led
the way toward the town.
"Yes, but -I say," said Jasper. "Look here, we ... Oh,
dash it all." He flitted after the others.
They walked through the hamlet, down the dirt roadit was little
more than a cow path, really. Nothing moved in the afternoon heat, save for far-off
peasants, toiling desultorily in their distant fields.
They stepped gratefully into the inn's cool dimness.
Lotte stood behind the bar, hammering a tap into a keg. She looked up
as they entered, pausing with hammer aloft; an expression of unease passed across her
face.
"Hoy there, madam," said Timaeus, pulling out a chair at the
first table by the door. "Ales all around, if you will."
Sidney took the trouble to survey the customers before sitting; it went
against the grain to sit in the middle of the room, as Timaeus had so unthinkingly done.
Better to have a solid wall behind your back. The inn's clientele did nothing to reassure
her; rather than the expected mixture of peasants and local lushes, there were only two
parties. One was a man sitting alone against one wall, by his mien and bearing a
well-to-do mercenary or adventurer, an epee at his belt, clad in frock coat and frilled
shirt. The other consisted of a dozen men and women, occupying two booths at the opposite
end of the room. Near them, a cluster of pole-arms leaned against the wall; several wore
sabers at belt. They were unarmored, but the utilitarian appearance of their garb and a
certain coarseness of manner led Sidney to classify them instantly as soldiers.
Sidney was glad they wore no armor; that meant they were probably not
expecting trouble. She amended that judgment; by the number of empty bottles on their two
tables, they were certainly not expecting trouble. Lotte, finishing the tap's insertion
with a few bangs of her hammer, began to fill glasses with ale.
"Travelers, quotha," said one of the soldiers, the words
slightly slurred.
"So they be," said another. "Mauro, did I not charge you
to watch the road?"
"Aye, sir," said the third, "but I was to be relieved on
the second hour, which is long past time."
"Who was Mauro's relief?"
There was silence for a moment.
"You ordered none," said a voice with a hiccup.
"Well," said the one who had questioned Mauro. A hat with a
plume sat before him, and Sidney took him for their captain. "No harm done, as they
have had the good sense to break their journey at this excellent establishment." The
captain got to his feet, stepped over his soldiers' legs with mumbled apologies on both
sides, and lurched from the booth toward the table Timaeus had taken.
"Well met, sir," said Timaeus mildly.
"That remains to be seen," said the captain, the words coming
with slight difficulty; Sidney judged he, like his subordinates, had been drinking for
hours. "May I ask where you are going and what business you have in these pas?"
Timaeus's pipe, between his teeth, rose to a slightly defiant angle
before he removed it the better to speak. "Why," he said, "we go where our
noses take us, and our business is no man's but our own."
The captain grew red; there was a stir from the booths as soldiers
began to realize they might have to rouse themselves soon. "You're going to get us
killed," Sidney warned.
"I am not accustomed to being accosted in such rude fashion by
drunken riffraff," said Timaeus.
Lotte darted in with a platter and plunked down their ales with
dispatch. As she set down Mortise's, she whispered in his ear, "They're bad ones;
best leave yarely."
"Bless you," Mortise said loudly, "and thanks for your
hospitality." He looked at that moment less like a peaceful cleric than a warrior
with the battlelight in his eye.
"Are you aware that you are in the territory of the Serene
Hamsterian Republic?" demanded the captain, one hand on the pommel of his sword.
"Are we?" said Timaeus. "Oh, good."
"You may expect, therefore," said the captain, "to be
required by the authorities of the Republic to state your business and to display your
papers."
"Pish," said Timaeus, taking a slug of his ale. "You do
not wear the badge of Hamsterburg."
And it was true; the clasp at the captain's shoulder bore a dragon
segreant, gules over argent. Hamsterburg's arms,famed across the human lands, were the
hamster statant regardant.
"True," said the captain. "We are of the Graf von
Grentz's Guisardieres; this village of Weintroockle lies within the von Grentz
demesne." He took a look over his shoulder at the booths, where his company had
managed to form into a loose and slightly drunken semblance of military order, took a deep
breath, and said, "Wherefore, I order you to produce your papers instantly."
"Oh, very well," said Timaeus mildly, reaching for his pouch.
"Madam, another round if you will." While the innkeeper collected the steins,
crouching as if expecting open warfare to begin at any moment, he pawed through the
pouch's contents until he found his Durfalian passeport. The others found and
proffered their own documents.
The captain gravely fumbled through their papers while Lotte brought
refilled steins. He studied one document carefully, frowning at it, looking over the top
of the sheaf of papers at Kraki. Kraki stared back, nose in a stein, one hairy leg on the
table.
"Kraki Kronarsson?" the captain said.
"Is me," said the barbarian.
"These papers say you are of the dwarven race," said the
captain.
"Is right," said Kraki, nodding, then gave an enormous belch.
"That's absurd," said the captain. Kronarsson stood more than
six feet tall.
"If papers say I am dwarf, I am dwarf," said Kraki shrugging.
"Is hokay by me."
The captain studied the papers a moment longer, then laid them on the
table, stepped back, murmured, "Arms forward," to his soldiersthere were a
rustle and clank as they turned into an orderly hedgehog of pole-armsand announced,
"Timaeus d'Asperge, I have orders to take you and your companions into custody."
Lotte cursed faintly and dived behind the bar.
Kraki put down his stein and began to harry the spaces between his
teeth with a thumbnail. Neither he nor the others rose. There was silence for a moment.
Sidney put her hands on the table, the palms slightly cupped, ready to snatch the throwing
knives from her sleeves.
Timaeus said, "That's Magister d' Asperge to you," and
brought his forefinger to his pipe. There was a loud bang, and flames briefly enveloped
his head. When they dissipated, the pipe was lit, Timaeus puffing contentedly.
"Will you come peaceably?" the captain demanded.
"My dear fellow," said Timaeus, "I shan't come,
peaceably or elsewise. If we are to have peace, you must desist from this futile
insistence."
There came a voice from across the room. "By Dion, I like your
spirit." The man in the frock coat was standing, a hand on the hilt of his йpee.
The captain eyed the man unhappily. "Are you a Hamsterian citizen,
sir?"
"I am," responded the man.
"Then by order of the Graf von Grentz, do not interfere in our
business."
"By order of von Grentz, eh? The most despicable of a despised gens,
an Accommodationist, and a lover of catamites to boot. By the love I bear for
Hamsterburg, any enemy of Gerlad von Grentz is a friend of mine."
The captain barked, "Hold," over his shoulders at his men,
marched smartly around the table where Sidney and the others sat, and drew his saber,
holding it vertically before his nose. "You will withdraw your vile assertion,"
he stated. Sidney noted that the slur in his speech had disappeared.
"Which assertion?" said the frock-coated man. "That the gens
von Grentz is despised? That Gerlad prefers his boys below the age of consent?
Or"
The captain shouted, "Draw your blade, or so help me, I shall cut
you down where you are."
The frock-coated man smiled and said, "If you insist, good
sir." He began to remove his coat, displaying long, white, and somewhat soiled
sleeves with lace cuffs.
"Captain," said one of the soldiers uneasily, "we've
unfinished business"
"So vile a slander must not be tolerated," spat the captain.
"I charge you, hold."
The soldiers bore unhappy faces, but maintained their formation. Sidney
wondered what they must be thinking; a massed formation of guisardieres was effective on
the battlefield, and should be sufficient to deal with five or six adventurersbut
not if one of them was a fire mage. A single fireball could wipe them out. And they had
seen Timaeus light his pipe; they knew what they faced.
The swordsman had finished removing his frock coat. He took his epйe
from his belt and held it likewise before his face. "My name is Pablo von
Kremnitz," he said. "I would be honored to learn yours before I kill you."
"There is no need," said the captain, and gave a sudden
vicious cut toward the other's head. The йpйe twitched, and the captain's saber was
deflected upward, missing its target. The captain recovered quickly; they stood facing
each other for a moment, both in fighting stance-sword extended, one foot forward, the
rear foot pointing away from the body. With a sudden clash of steel, they were in motion
again. The captain lunged forward, von Kremnitz dodging aside, the epee's blade angled to
deflect a sudden cut. The captain followed his weapon around and brought it back to
defensive position.
"Vhy doesn't he have soldiers kill that man?" asked Kraki,
studying the passage at arms with interest.
"That would be dishonorable," said Nick. There was a sardonic
tone in his voice; he had the thief's amused contempt for aristocratic notions of honor.
Kraki blinked, obviously puzzled. "Someone insult you, you and
friends kill him," he said. "Not dishonorable to gang up; good joke on him, ho
ho, stupid to make insult vithout pals around for back up. You vant rest of ale,
Nickie?"
Tensely, Nick shook his head, scanning the room, like Sidney ready to
act instantly if the situation got out of hand. Kraki grabbed Nick's stein and drained it.
Von Kremnitz lunged, the captain twisting out of the йpйe's way. Von
Kremnitz was compelled onward by the momentum of his own thrust, leaping atop the table
where Sidney and the others sat, upsetting several steins. Nick, Sidney, and Mortise
jumped away, chairs toppling backward; Timaeus sat stolidly where he was, puffing his pipe
and leaning back, while Kraki merely removed his leg from the table so that it wouldn't be
trod upon and snatched one of the toppling steins, to drain whatever remnants it
contained. Swords clashed inches from his face; he studied the swordplay with interest.
Sidney itched to plant a dagger in the captain's brisket, but decided against it; there
was no telling how his soldiers would react.
The captain had backed off, apparently misliking the advantage the
height of the table gave his opponent. Von Kremnitz leaped down, charged the other, ducked
under the defensively held saber while sweeping upward with his own blade, struck the
captain in the stomach with his left fist, whirled past, and, the captain not quite
recovered, cut toward the captain's face with his Epee, drawing a line of blood up the
right cheek.
Von Kremnitz stamped back and held his Epee vertical before his face
again. "First blood," he said.
The captain looked shaken, but still angered. "Insufficient,"
he grated and danced forward, saber sweeping up in a block, then sideways in a cut, a
maneuver that might have injured the swordsman's thigh if he had been wherethe captain had
expectedbut he had moved inward, inside the captain's stroke.
For a long moment, they appeared to embrace, the apparent tenderness
belied by the thin line of von Kremnitz's steel protruding from the captain's back.
The captain gave a gurgle and fell, sliding off the blade. Von Kremnitz
assumed a fighting stance, against the possibility that the soldiers would attempt to
avenge the death of their leader.
"He killed the captain, Mauro," said one.
"I have eyes, Kevork," said Mauro.
"Let us slay the murderer," said Kevork.
"I think not," said Timaeus, standing up. "Your captain
challenged this gentleman; the forms were obeyed. There was no murder."
"You are under arrest," said Mauro. "Stand aside."
"Kraki, please stand between me and the soldiers," said
Timaeus.
"Hokay," said the barbarian, lumbering to his feet and
pulling his sword from its sheath at his back. The cubitslong length of steel made both
saber and epйe look like toys.
"I believe that my friend can delay you sufficiently long to allow
me to cast a spell," said Timaeus. "I see no wards among you. If you persist in
attempting to capture us, or offer injury to the gentleman, I will not be responsible for
the consequences. Indeed, under the circumstances, I suggest that it is advisable for you
to depart this establishment."
"What do we do, Mauro?" asked one of the soldiers.
While Mauro dithered, Sidney and Nick went to stand by Timaeus; Sidney
produced her throwing daggers, since intimidation seemed more useful at present than
surprise, and Nick, seeing this, did likewise. To her surprise, Frer Mortise joined them,
displaying his hatchet, which he tossed and caught repeatedly with his right hand, the
weapon twirling with each toss, but caught always by the shaft. Von Kremnitz joined Kraki
facing off against the soldiers, though what use he expected his epйe to be against
pole-arms Sidney could not say. That left only Jasper. And where was he?
A mumbling was coming from underneath the table, Sidney realized; she
didn't quite catch the Words, but suspected it might be a spell.
Several of the soldiers were wavering slightly, as if nearly too
inebriated to stand. Their formation was tight enough to keep all erect, though guisards
dipped and swung unsteadily. Could they be that drunk?
"I bet they won' rissriss a fireball in here, Maur'. Room's
too small. An' ... an' ..."
One of the soldiers fell to his knees and emptied his stomach on the
worn, knotty boards of the floor. Another simply collapsed and began to snore. Mauro sat
unsteadily down in one of the booths, as if unable to stand any longer.
Soldier by soldier, the formation disintegrated. More than one lost his
lunch; several passed out, others managed to sit, looking rather sick, clutching the table
as. if they needed support.
Jasper was flitting in the air above them now, green light swooping in
circles. "Cart keep it up for long," he said quickly. "Tie them up, won't
you?" And then he resumed chanting.
"N-no," said Mauro. "Is-isno. Can' allow ..."
He struggled to his feet, lurched forward, slipped in vomit, and crashed to the floor.
"I vant vhat they've been drinking," Kraki said to Lotte.
"It's not the wine," said Timaeus, "it's Jasper's spell.
They were drunk already; I imagine he merely magnified the effect. Sidney, have we enough
rope?"
She was already searching through her pack. "I don't think we
brought any," she said worriedly. "Didn't need it in the woods, and weight was
at a premium."
"Oh, dear," said Frer Mortise. "I'd really rather we
didn't kill them."
"Wait a minute," said Nick. He turned to the innkeeper and
asked, "You've got a cellar?"
"Aye," Lotte said hesitantly.
"Is there a lock on the door?"
"Oh, aye," she said.
Nick went over to one of the sleeping soldiers, lifted her legs by the
bootheels, and pulled her toward the taproom door. "Show me where it is," he
said.
"But sirthese are soldiers of the graf, they'll have me hung
if I"
Nick snorted. "We forced you," he said soothingly.
"Threatened to kill you, to bum the inn. You were terrified out of your wits."
"Aye," she said in a tiny, tearful voice.
"Besides," said Nick reluctantly, as he hauled the soldier
out the door, head bumping on the lintel, "there's money in it for you."
"Oh, aye," said Lotte, sounding much better. She followed him
out of the room. "A dozen pounds should do it."
"A dozen what?" came Nick's horrified voice from down the
corridor.
Sidney was already stripping the soldiers of their weaponsand
their purses. She pocketed the latter, hiding this action from the eyes of the others,
more from sheer habit than from any real desire for the small sums these poor wretches
were carrying. "Come on, damn it," she said. "Give me a hand. We've got to
get them all in the cellar before Jasper gives out."
The green light was circling a little more slowly now, and the Words of
Jasper's spell did sound a little more tired.
"Easier yust to cut throats," complained Kraki, but he tucked
a soldier under each arm and dragged the two of them toward the door, their boots trailing
on the planks behind.
VI.
Jasper's light hung motionless over a bar stool. "Thank
goodness," he said. "I'll have some of the local wine, if you will, my
dear."
"Righto," said Lotte cheerfully, reaching for a bottle.
"Thanks for not trashing the place. I tell you, I practically had a heart attack
when"
"Not at all, not at all," Jasper murmured. "You wouldn't
serve a cold luncheon, by any chance?"
"I can rustle up something," she said. "Give me a
mo'." She bustled out toward the kitchen.
"I do trust you'll let us stand you a drink or two," Timaeus
said to von Kremnitz.
"Of course," said the swordsman, throwing a leg over a stool
himself, shifting his belt so that his йpйe wouldn't stick into the person at the next
stool, who chanced to be Sidney. "If you will permit an inquiry ... ?"
"Mm?" said Timaeus, knocking ash from his pipe.
"The graf's soldiery seem to be well acquainted withyou, good sir.
I'm afraid I, however, am ignorant of the House d'Asperge. By your accent, I perceive you
to be Athelstani; may I inquire how you came to these parts?"
"Certainly," said Timaeus, extracting pipe cleaners, a cloth,
and a scouring tool from his pouch. "We"
"Wait," said Sidney. "How do you know we can trust this
guy?"
Von Kremnitz gave her a wounded look. "My dear," he said,
"I am a gentleman."
Nick snorted. "Is that supposed to reassure us?"
"I'm not your dear," snapped Sidney. "And I agree, you
helped us with those soldiers. But obviously for your own reasons. I"
"See here, Sidney," said Timaeus, bristling. "We need
hardly assume that everyone we meet is a potential betrayer. After all, our intentions are
good, our goal"
"Right, and you're such a good judge of character," said
Sidney. "Know how trustworthy someone is right off the bat, every time. Sure.
Remember Lenny the Lizard?"
"Yes, but this is diff"
"And I thought we'd agreed to keep up our cover until we reached
Hamsterburg."
"Cover?" said Timaeus. "What, our cover as itinerant rug
merchants? Damned thin, even when we had a wagon full of rugs, which, as I may point out,
we no longer do. It's"
"Ach, always argue, argue, argue," said Kraki. He vaulted
over the bar, found a five-gallon jug, held it to the tap, and began to fill it with ale.
Sidney and Timaeus glared at each other past a bemused von Kremnitz.
Jasper sighed. "It may perhaps be impolite of us to say so, but we
lave just met. Our reception hereabouts has not, so far, predisposed us to place
our trust in chance acquaintances. Perhaps you could tell us a little about
yourself."
"Of course," said von Kremnitz, getting off his stool,
putting his heels together, pulling a handkerchief from his sleeve, and making a formal
bow, waving the handkerchief gracefully. "Pablo von Kremnitz, Leftenant, Mayoral Foot
Guards."
The others introduced themselves. Timaeus picked up a pipe cleaner and
began to draw it through the stem of his disassembled meerschaum.
"You are, therefore," said Jasper, "an agent of the
Hamsterian state?"
"In a manner of speaking," said von Kremnitz, retaking his
seat.
"I think it wise, then, for us to maintain a degree of
discretion," Jasper said. His glass of wine rose and tilted back. Timaeus snorted and
probed at the bowl of his pipe with a tool.
Von Kremnitz stiffened. "You propose to injure the interests of
Hamsterburg?"
"Not at all," said Jasper soothingly. "We are, in fact,
more or less indifferent to the interests of Hamsterburg. We are more interested in the
fate of humanity as a whole. Indeed, of the Free Peoples in their great contest with the
Slave States of the"
"Oh, come on," said von Kremnitz, chortling. "I mean,
what do you take me for?"
"Here you are," said the innkeeper cheerily, sweeping into
the room with an enormous platter piled high with cold mutton, olives, caponato, bread,
sliced tomatoes, and various alimentary pastes.
"My word," said Timaeus, "that does look good." For
a long time, the only sounds were those of masticationjoined by thumps and shouts
from below.
"Sounds like our friends are recovering," said Nick.
"Are they secure down there?" asked Sidney.
"Only one way out. We pulled up the ladder and barred the
door," said Nick.
"Moreover," said Jasper, "I imagine they will be more
concerned with the state of their heads than escape for quite a while."
"Hung over, you think?" asked von Kremnitz.
"Massively," said Jasper complacently.
When the repast had been cleared away, Timaeus turned to Lotte.
"Now, then, madam," he said. "Within the past fortnight, a small battle has
been fought in these parts, has it not?"
"Aye, sir," she said.
"A fellow by the name of Broderick de Biddleburg rode with the
Graf von Grentz. A grave with a marker bearing his name lies by the battle site. Would you
know if, in truth, his body lies within it?"
"I'm sorry," she said, "I don't know that name."
"The man who stole your horse," Frer Mortise said.
Lotte grimaced. "Yes," she said. "I heard he died. And
serve him right."
"The elves had a statue," said Nick. "Did von Grentz
take it?"
"Oh," said Lotte, "yes. Most of the town watched from
the ridge, you know. Yes, there was a big brown statue with the elves, and the graf put it
into a wagontook the wagon from Johnny Muller without so much as a
by-yourleave."
"And where did they take it?" asked Jasper.
Lotte shrugged. "Back to the castle, I imagine," she said.
Sidney cleared her throat. "So much for discretion," she
said, nodding meaningfully toward von Kremnitz, who had followed this exchange with
interest.
"Broderick de Biddleburg?" demanded von Kremnitz.
"That's right," said Nick.
"Turfed out in a revolution recently, wasn't he?"
"Quite so," said Timaeus.
"And we're discussing the statue of Stantius? Found by adventurers
in Urf Durfal?"
"Yes, yes, obviously," said Timaeus irritably.
Von Kremnitz was silent for a moment. "What I don't understand is
why you want it," he said.
"Don't," said Sidney.
"It is ours," said Timaeus. "We found it, after
all."
"You're those adventurers?" von Kremnitz asked.
"Yes," said Jasper.
"That's how the graf's men knew your name, then," said von
Kremnitz. "When I heard the story, your name wasn't mentioned, but I suppose it's
recorded somewhere."
"Possibly," said Timaeus. "We have tried to be discreet,
but everyone and his brother seems to be interested in the damned thing."
"Why don't you sell it, then?" asked von Kremnitz.
"Well," said Sidney, "we have to take it to
Arst-KaraMorn."
Von Kremnitz looked horrified. "Whatever for?"
"ErI'm not entirely clear on that," said Sidney
apologetically. "Vic seems very set on it, though. Cosmic significance, and so
on."
"Vic?"
"You haven't met him," said Timaeus.
"Where is he?"
"Beats us," said Nick morosely.
Von Kremnitz looked at them each in turn. "No wonder you lost the
bloody thing," he said at last.
"Now see here," said Timaeus sharply. "There's no call
for"
"You probably don't even realize the significance," said von
Kremnitz.
"Certainly we do, old man," said Jasper. "The spirit of
Stantius, last Human King, is bound therein. Until it be freed, humanity is fated to
conflict and dissension, sundered into many states, easy prey for the advancing armies of
the east. We must"
"Bosh," said von Kremnitz, waving a hand. "Fairy tales.
The real rub is this: Von Grentz will use it to depose my master, to make himself ruler of
all Hamsterburg. And associated provinces. I must return to the city at once. You must
come with me; I can promise you the Lord Mayor's assistance in recovering your stolen
property."
"Excellent!" said Timaeus, beaming. "You see, Sidney;
occasionally, it pays to place your trust in a gentleman." "It does?" said
Sidney skeptically.
"You can promise the Lord Mayor's help, huh?" said Nick.
"Indubitably," said von Kremnitz. "Come, we must be
off."
"Right," said Nick. "A lowly leftenant of the Mayor's
Guard can bind the ruler of a great human state."
"You have my word," said von Kremnitz stiffly. But Nick only
snorted.
"The old gray mare, she ain't what she used to be," Nick
observed.
"We are scraping the bottom of the barrel, rather," said
Jasper dubiously, circling Timaeus and his mount for a closer look. Timaeus's horse was
indeed a gray mare and, as Nick had intimated, had clearly seen better days. She was
swaybacked, her long teeth protruded, and she sighed tiredly as she gazed dumbly at the
dusty ground. Timaeus sat atop her, yawning. He was the first to mount up; the reins of
the other horses were tied still to a long bar. They looked little more prepossessing than
Timaeus's. .
"Get a move on, get a move on," said von Kremnitz, bustling
around and tightening the cinch on the saddle of his own horse, a spirited white gelding.
"Time is of the essence."
Kraki gave an enormous belch. "Ve make sure ve have lots of
supplies," he said.
"Yes, confound it," said von Kremnitz. "You've got three
times the food you need; it's a two-day journey to Hamsterburg if we push it. What the
devil do you"
The innkeeper approached with a wheelbarrow, in which a cask of ale
lay. "Here you are, sir," she said to. Kraki.
"Thank you," said the barbarian. He tucked the cask under one
arm, untied one of the horses, and vaulted astride her, reins in one hand, cask in the
other.
"You can't be serious," said von Kremnitz.
Kraki gave him a wide, snaggle-toothed smile.
"I really don't understand what all the rush is for," said
Timaeus, a little sleepily; the ale and the heat of the afternoon were making him drowsy.
"We must get to the Maiorkest as soon as we are able," said
von Kremnitz, vaulting to his own mount's back. "That thing in Gerlad von Grentz's
hands for more than a week ... I don't care to contemplate ... Well come on, come on,
mount up, by all the gods; what the devil are you lolling about for?"
"See here, Pablo," said Sidney nastily. "We barely know
you. What gives you the right to"
"Leftenant von Kremnitz is understandably agitated," said
Jasper soothingly. "And he has offered to assist us, Sidney. Do take a horse, my
dear; if he is right, we shall find the statue in Hamsterburg."
Sidney muttered something, but consented to mount. Together they set
off down the road. Von Kremnitz adopted a trot, and the others were forced to do likewise
to stay abreast.
Sidney scowled. "Slow down, dammit," she said. "The
horses won't take this for more than"
"We must get well away from the inn, and quickly," said von
Grentz.
"Weeks sleeping on rocks and subsisting on half-rawsquirrel and
mushrooms of doubtful provenance," said Timaeus, jouncing up and down uncomfortably,
"a fortnight dancing attendance to a bunch of fool fays; the first opportunity to
have a good night's sleep in a comfortable feather bed, and we go gallivanting off on a
mare with a trot like an overgrown March hare on the dustiest godsforsaken road I've yet
to see in the full glare of a blazingly hot sun. What's wrong with a nice, slow
walk?"
"How long do you think it will be before our erstwhile hostess
lets von Grentz's soldiers out of their hole?" asked von Kremnitz.
"They're probably out by now," said Nick. "If she's
going to make the claim that we forced her stick, she'd better let them out as fast as she
can."
"Quite right," said von Kremnitz. "And though we took
all the horses, they'll pursue. Best we get some distance ahead."
"Yes, all right," said Timaeus. "But tell me, sir; why
do you believe our statue will have such an impact on Hamsterian politics? Why such
urgency?"
"You don't understand," said von Kremnitz in a frustrated
tone. "The political balance in Hamsterburg is exceedingly fine."
"Why should a statue make a difference?"
Von Kremnitz sighed. "The Lord Mayor of Hamsterburg claims regency
over all humanity in the Human King's absence."
"Yes," said Jasper, "a claim no one else
acknowledges."
"True," said von Kremnitz, "but we take it seriously.
The symbols of Empire are used to bolster our Lord Mayor's rule; the Scepter of Stantius,
kept in the highest tower of the Maiorkest for centuries, has long been a symbol of the
state. When it began to glow, that was taken as a sign of divine confidence in our new
lord, Hamish Siebert, my master; and he has need of every confidence, for he has the
support of no faction but his own, and it is small."
"How was he elected, then?" asked Jasper.
"No single faction could force its candidate through, and so they
agreed on a man they thought a nonentity," said von Kremnitz.
"And is he?" asked Nick.
"Nay," said von Kremnitz. "He is a man of action, a man
of his word; already, he has reformed the civil service, instituted a draft, expanded the
military, thrown public works to open bidding, put our foreign relations on new
and"
"Yes, yes, all right," said Timaeus. "He is a veritable
doyen of virtue. Your opinion is entirely disinterested, I suppose."
"Well," said von Kremnitz, slightly apologetically, "he is
my lord. But you see, the possession of the statue by someone else would indicate to
the superstitious that the mandate of heaven had passed to another. And von Grentz is a
big man in the Accommodationist party. I greatly fear we will find open warfare in the
streets of Hamsterburg when we arrive."
"Dandy," said Timaeus. "I always like to time my visits
to a new city to coincide with riots, rebellion, and plague. I accept that the Lord Mayor
will want to recover the statue from von Grentz, but can we trust him to return it to
us?"
"Of a certainty," said von Kremnitz heartily. "We have a
common objective: to pry the thing from the clutches of the despised von Grentz. And I
have no doubt that My Lord Hamish will be touched to the quick, as I have been, by your
inspiring quest, the need to free the spirit of Stantius, and the ancient sorcery it
involves."
"Good," said Sidney. Privately, she thought otherwise; if the
statue was such big medicine in Hamsterburg's rococo politics, wouldn't the Lord Mayor
want to keep it for himself? And thinking back, von Kremnitz hadn't been so much touched
to the quick by their inspiring quest as convulsed with laughter at its idiocy and
futility.
He bore watching, that one.
Part III.
Intrigue in old Hamsterburg
I.
Some love the sun. They delight in blue skies, warm sunlight, the crisp
clarity of a perfect spring day. They are morose in the dimness of midwinter, become
joyful as the days lengthen, curse the heavens when it rains. They spring happily from bed
at the break of dawn, and return yawning thereto as the sun slips behind the world's far
edge.
Renйe Wolfe was not among them.
Sunlight made her eyes hurt. She liked the peacefulness of gloomy days,
the quiet coolness of dripping clouds, the noiselessness of fog. She looked forward to
winter, which in Hamsterburg rarely brought snow, instead producing rain, chill winds, and
blessedly long nights. But most of all, she loved times such as these, the yawning
midnight hours, the moon sailing ship-like through a sea of scattered clouds, stars
wheeling serenely in the heavens, the sleepy world at peace. The streets of Hamsterburg
were devoid of hubbub, save for an occasional burst of gaiety as a tavern door opened to
expel another homebound drunk. There were few abroad, other than she; a night watchman, a
latenight carouser, a burglar searching quietly for a place to rob in peace.
She slipped through the night, unseen and unaccounted, until she came
where she was bound: the Drachehaus, the mansion of von Grentz.
It was not what she had expected. Oh, the grounds were typical:
carefully manicured, the trees now bursting with flowers-cherry blossoms and dogwood. And
the high cast-iron fence about it was not unusual, for a mansion in Hamsterburg. But the
architecture was uncommon: neither mock-Imperial nor rococo Durfalian, but severely plain.
It reminded her of the temples of the Sons of the Morning, who eschewed all ornament and
frivolity; it consisted of plain stone blocks, windows placed regularly, towers and
crenellations giving a hint of the fortress it could undoubtedly become in time of need.
The only real ornamentation stood above the lintel of the great door, a door above high
marble steps: It was a dragon segreant, elaborately displayed. Wolfe admired the artistry
that had gone into the carving, as well as the cold ruthlessness the figure seemed to
convey.
The fence posed no great obstacle, nor yet the walls; it was a warm
night, and several windows were open. Still, she hesitated; surely there would be wards,
and it would be best to divine their nature first.
She walked slowly along the fence. There were no visible magical
effects, which merely meant the inhabitants did not desire that there be such. She did not
touch the iron bars, lest even that trigger some magical reaction. At the corner, where
the fence turned a right angle, she examined the post carefully.
It was large, round, and evidently hollow. Craning, she saw that,
inside the fence, there was a locked metal door in the side of the post. She nodded;
spells require a sourceof power, and many are effected through the manipulation of
physical similarity elements. No doubt objects used to create and maintain a magical
effect along the fence were stored within the post.
Unfortunately, this told her little of the nature of the magic. Still,
she could be sure of several things. There would be a ward to detect physical entry: It
might sense the body heat of someone crossing the fence, or the passage of a soul, or the
presence of life force, or possibly of mentation. There would undoubtedly be a detection
spell to sense the use of magic, and possibly an active spell to suppress the use of the
more common methods of magical flight. And there might be spells to inflict physical harm
on those who dared to attempt entry, triggered by any of the methods of detection.
She had entered Stantz's bedroom by the means that offered her ingress
almost everywhere; she was a mage of the shadows. She had merged with her own shadow, her
body, mind, and soul simply becoming part of the trace of light on matter. As a shadow,
she could go anywhere where there was at least a little light, at least a little dark;
anywhere that was not wholly sealed against entry. She was not completely invisible, so
disguised: An alert observer might note a shadow moving without a body to cast it. Still,
she was the closest thing to invisible.
That might not suffice here. As a shadow, she had no thickness and
could easily slip under the fence; as a shadow, she had no body, and cast no body heat.
Still, she would cross the fence; and depending on what wards were in force, that might
trigger a response. She needed magic to merge with her own shadow; a ward might register
the passage of that magic. She retained her mind and soul in shadow form, and either of
those things might be sensed.
An oak tree stood on the other side of the fence, perhaps a dozen feet
away. Wolfe looked up; branches extended from the trunk toward the fence, but had been
trimmed where they would have passed above it. She smiled; von Grentz, or whoever handled
his security, had realized that branches, crossing the line of the wards, might provide a
method of entry.
Had they considered that the tree's mere shadow might do the same?
The moon was nearly full, full enough that the tree's shadow was
visible on gray grass. Alas, it was but an hour after midnight, and the moon high above
the horizon. The shadow of the oak was small, and contained wholly within the Drachehaus
grounds. That would change with the passage of time, the motion of the moon across the
sky.
Wolfe sighed, then walked across the street. A long wall stretched
there, protecting another mansion, and in its shelter she would be less obvious. She
settled down to wait.
Long hours passed. Stars wheeled overhead. The moon sank toward the
horizon. Slowly, the oak tree's shadow crept toward the fence.
At last, Wolfe rose, stretched, and strolled back across the road. The
shadow extended out across the sidewalk now.
Wolfe whispered a spell. She hardly needed to; she had trained herself
to say the Words of magic silently, a necessary skill for one who, as a shadow, had no
voice. Still, it was a little easier to say the Words out loud.
Suddenly, no Wolfe stood there. Even her shadow was gone.
Crossing the fence might trigger defensive wards; Wolfe did not cross
the fence. Instead, she merged with the oak tree's shadow, a shadow both within and
without the fence. She never crossed the fence; she was within and without it, the mere
shadow of a tree.
Silently, a silent shadow cast a spell; and a dark-clad woman stepped
from the shadow of the tree and into the garden.
No alarms went off; no spells were triggered.
Wolfe smiled.
The small room's floor was covered with rushes. Each wall was pierced
by a single window, an unusually proportioned window, tall and thin: the window of a
fortification, from which a soldier might study besiegers while exposing himself as little
as possible. There were no besiegers here; outside were gardens, mansions, pleasure lakes
and gazebosthe Enclave, Hamsterburg's wealthiest parish. Perhaps the builder had
admired the severe lines of fortifications elsewhere; perhaps he had feared the need to
fortify his mansion in harsher times to come.
Through the east window, pink rays shone, casting a pink rectangle of
light against the rush-covered floor. The other three windows admitted only dim gray
illumination; it was barely dawn.
Against the north wall was a niche, and in it a shrine. Against the
south was a door: a heavy oaken door, bound in cast iron. A metal bar stood by it, not in
use.
Enter von Grentz. The door swung open on well-oiled hinges. He was
simply clad, a few yards of untailored cloth draped over a shoulder and around the waist,
belted by a velvet rope, clasped by a plain bronze pin. On his feet were sandals. Around
the periphery of his scalp ran a thin line of hair, black in parts but mostly gray,
close-cropped in defiance of ultimate baldness. In his hand, he carried a single camellia
blossom, fresh-plucked from his garden, the petals still bedewed.
He went to the shrine, rushes rustling beneath his feet, and knelt. A
bowl of water stood at the center of the niche; a shallow bowl, gently sloping, glazed,
fired the tan color of the original clay, unaltered save for a few broad blue lines
applied by a brush before firing. Gently, von Grentz placed the blossom at the bowl's
center.
Above the bowl, at the back of the niche, plain iron brackets held a
naked saber. The blade was highly polished, the hilt wrapped with unadorned hide. Using
both hands, von Grentz lifted it from its brackets and held it atop one bent knee, palms
upward. He lowered his head to kiss the blade, then returned it to its place.
A shadow moved noiselessly across the rushes and merged with the shadow
of the wall beneath the eastern window.
Von Grentz was still, kneeling before the bowl, gazing unseeing into
the stone wall of the niche, the rectangle of pink on the floor behind him moving slowly
toward its window, the pink transforming gradually to saffron, then to white. He was lost
in meditation.
Enter a lich. The door swung open; the creature glided into the room,
black robe veiling most of its form, long finger bones protruding from the sleeves. Empty
eye sockets turned away from the young morning light, as if uncomfortable at such
brilliance. It moved with curious stillness, no sound of rushes crunching beneath its
feet, no click of toe bones on floor.
A shadow perhaps shrank closer to the wall; lichs were famously
powerful mages. If it thought to cast a detection spell, it might sense that there was
more in the shadows of the room than the mere interplay of light and matter.
"You have examined the statue?" inquired von Grentz, without
turning around.
"I have," whispered the lich.
Von Grentz stood gracefully and faced it. "And?" he said.
"It is under several spells," whispered the lich, moving into
the room's deepest shadow in search of sanctuary from the light; did that shadow flinch
somehow away? "The most recent is intended to prevent others from detecting its
magical emanations. The others are more complex, more powerful; a binding."
"Yes," said von Grentz, "but is the rumor true? Does it
contain the spirit of the Human King?"
"Yes," whispered the lich. "Yes, indeed."
"Excellent," said von Grentz. A smile danced momentarily
across those thin lips. "You support our objectives still?"
The lich was silent for a long moment. "Support your
objectives?" it said at last. "I have aided you because I have found it
usefuland profitableto do so. But to reach accommodation with Arst-Kara-Morn?
That's a fool's game. There is no accommodation, not short of the grave. Nor even then, I
fear. You don't have the slightest idea what you're dealing with."
"With what am I dealing?" said von Grentz, raising a
skeptical eyebrow.
"Would you have riches beyond your imagining?" whispered the
lich. "Power beyond that any man has wielded in millennia? Houris at your beck and
call? Whatever your desire, it may be yours."
"I know what I wish," said von Grentz. "I intend to have
it. Who are you, that you believe you can grant it?"
"Not I," said the lich. "Arst-Kara-Morn."
"And was it not you who just argued the impossibility of dealing
with them?"
"You do not know what you have," whispered the lich. "If
you do not give it to them, for whatever price, they will hunt it, and you, for as long as
it takes."
"You serve them?" asked von Grentz bluntly.
The lich shuddered. "I do not," it said. It did not add: I
have. I shall probably have to again.
"I have another notion in mind," said von Grentz. "But I
don't know if you can be trusted."
The lich emitted a curious whirring noise. The sound went on for
several moments. It took von Grentz some time to place the noise: The lich was chuckling.
Eventually, the whirring died away. "Do you trust your cat?"
asked the lich.
"I don't have a cat," said von Grentz, with considerable
irritation. He was a dog person, actually.
"Whom do you trust?"
"Granted," von Grentz said, apparently coming to a decision.
"Thank you for assisting me this far. I consider myself in your debt. I have ordered
a carriage readied to your specifications, with thick curtains drawn over the windows; it
will take you to your"
"Hold," whispered the lich, raising one bony hand.
Von Grentz was silent, regarding the creature. After a pause, it spoke.
"You called me here to verify the statue's authenticity, but an historian or any
number of wizards could have done so. You wish me to perform some other task, but have
decided I am not sufficiently trustworthy.
"Mere possession of the statue bolsters your political position,
since the credulous will take ownership to indicate divine favor. I conclude that this
other task involves necromancy, and the statue."
Von Grentz made no reply. The two stared at each other for a long
moment, blue eyes into empty sockets.
"If I assume you know more about necromancy than the usual
layman," whispered the lich, "I come to an unsettling conclusion."
"Would Arst-Kara-Morn still be interested if the spirit of
Stantius no longer occupied the statue?" asked von Grentz softly.
"I am not sure you understand the complexities," whispered
the lich.
Von Grentz raised an eyebrow. "It seems straightforward
enough," he said. "Simply transfer the spirit from the statue into my
body."
The lich shook its skull. "No," it said. "The spirit is
bound into the statue, by ancient and powerful magic; unbinding will require great power.
Moreover, if I were to do as you ask, you would become schizophrenic."
Von Grentz frowned. "But mind and spirit are separable; why should
Stantius's mind be reborn in my body?"
"It wouldn't," whispered the lich. "The claim that
mindand spirit are separable is simplistic; mind is the epiphenomenon of spirit in body.
Adding a second spirit to your frame would add a second mind to yoursa new one
birthed on the instant, most likely without Stantius's memories."
"This is not appealing," said von Grentz. "The idea is
impossible, then?"
"No," said the lich. "The trick is to free the spirit of
Stantius while transferring its divine aspect to you. That is, not to transfer the actual
spirit into your body, but to transfer its association with the divine, to render you
king. This will require enormous power."
Von Grentz frowned. "Do you have sufficient power?" he asked.
The lich said, "No, no, you do not understand. I have the skill;
the power I draw from death."
"The task will require many deaths?" said von Grentz.
"Precisely," said the lich.
Von Grentz frowned. "Human sacrifice"
"Is not necessary," said the lich. "A revolution, say,
put down as bloodily as possible; a battle, a massacre"
"Ah," said von Grentz with relief. "Something along
those lines can be arranged. What do you want for your participation?"
The lich considered. What did it want? Surcease, it supposed; an end.
It gave a soundless sigh. Von Grentz's scheme was mad, of course; the ritual that bound
Stantius's spirit was so powerful that a dozen wizards could not unbind it. The lich's
only options were to flee, for the Dark Lord's servants would appear as soon as they knew
the statue was here, or to stay close to it, hoping to get it away from von Grentz and
then use it to ingratiate itself with Arst-Kara-Morn. The latter course seemed the more
promising. "I shall think of something," it whispered. "If the carriage is
ready, I shall depart now." It turned and glided for the door.
"When will you report?" asked von Grentz.
The lich stiffened. "I shall inform you of my progress," it
whispered with disdain, "when I find it useful or advisable to do so."
Von Grentz scowled after the lich. After a time, he turned back to his
shrine, knelt, and considered the blossom; then rose, and let himself out by the door.
Wolfe waited several minutes before she allowed herself to slip from
the shadow of the wall. And when she did, she became suddenly aware of another presence in
the room.
An exceptionally old man lay, back against the wall of the room, atop
the rushes that carpeted the floor. A gray, scraggly beard ran around a toothless mouth;
his clothes looked as if they had not been washed in weeks. One hand clutched a bottle of
wine.
Wolfe felt a frisson of shock; the door had opened only the four times,
for the entrances and exits of von Grentz and the skeleton. How and when had the old man
entered? And how could she have failed to sense him-she, von Grentz, and the lich as well?
He had not been a shadow, she would swear to that; another shadow she would have sensed.
"Won't work," mumbled the old man, peering vaguely at Wolfe's
shadow. "Binding'sh too powerful."
And with that, he pushed off the wall, curled up on the rushes, and
fell asleep.
II.
"Fetch that dog Stauer," von Kremnitz told the woman behind
the oaken desk. She looked up with the gaze of a startled bird, and scurried off down a
darkened hall.
Timaeus, Sidney, Nick, Kraki, and Mortise stood blinking in the foyer,
Jasper shining faintly near them. The light inside was dim after the glaring sun of the
streets. To the left, a door opened on a taproom, where a few souls sat drinking and a
middle-aged man mopped the floor with glacial slowness. To the right, a carpeted corridor
led past a series of doors, the first apparently that of an office, into which the woman
disappeared. Behind the desk she had vacated, a wide set of stairs with curled banisters
led upward to a landing.
The office door was reopened; the woman reappeared, along with a
grinning, pince-nezed man in frock coat and conservative hosepresumably Stauer.
"Leftenant von Kremnitz," he said, bobbing delightedly. "How good to see
you again."
"The pleasure is yours," declared von Kremnitz coldly.
"I will allow you to repair your late insult by providing these worthies with service
of great alacrity and attentiveness, including, it need hardly be said, the finest rooms
in your establishment."
Stauer bobbed to each of the others in turn. He mumbled "Messieurs,
ma-dame, " then threw open his arms and expansively declared, "Welcome to
the Pension Scholari. If you will permit, Madame Steuben will show you to your rooms. I
will join you shortly to discover your needsif Leftenant von Kremnitz will come with
me to the office?"
Von Kremnitz assented. Sidney scowled, suspicions aroused; what would
von Kremnitz and the innkeeper have to talk about? About spying on von Kremnitz's supposed
friends? Madame Steuben inclined her head toward the stairs, then led the way upward. Von
Kremnitz entered the innkeeper's office; Stauer closed the door, and at once a mumble of
voices arose, Stauer's heated, von Kremnitz's cold. Sidney caught only a snatch of the
conversation, but that was enough to set her mind at ease. It was Stauer, enraged: ".
. . amounting to two dozen pounds, ten shillings and tuppence ha'penny!"
Timaeus sighed with pleasure when he saw the sitting room. He collapsed
into an armchair and complacently declared, "Civilization at last."
Sidney surveyed the room; it did make a change from recent
accommodations. Since leaving Biddleburg Castle, they had slept in the rough, once in a
rather unpleasant publick house where guests were accommodated four to the bed. Four
people, that is; the fleas had been uncountable. The Pension Scholari boasted actual
bedrooms, each quite clean, the bedding fresh, with empty chamber pots and an ewer of
water and a basin for ablutions in each room.
The sitting room itself held deep, upholstered couches, achaise longue,
armchairs, a bookcase stuffed with novels, and a sideboard bearing a basket of fruit and
an array of bottles. French windows gave out on a balcony, where wisteria twined up
trellises to form a canopy over the balcony itself. It almost seemed, Sidney thought,
giving the room a professional once-over, as if it had been laid out with an amour in
mind: The trellis was sturdy enough for a man to climb, one wall bore a balalaika in case
one was seized with an urge to serenade, the wisteria scented the air, and one might
progress, with a minimum of movement, from couch to chaise longue to the bedrooms, where
soft feather mattresses and piles of pillows lay.
Kraki had already found one of the beds; he lay on it, still in his
travel-stained clothes, dusty sandals leaving marks on the comforter, snoring face down
into a pillow. Nick was nervously checking locks on the windows, peering under the
furniture and knocking on the walls; he looked faintly uneasy, mainly, Sidney knew,
because with the pension's many windows and unlockable doors, there was no obvious way to
secure their quarters. Frer Mortise was standing before the balcony and looking acutely
uncomfortable.
"What is the matter, Brother?" Sidney asked.
"The Lady Beatrice bade me accompany you," he said, "but
I fear the city is no place for the likes of me."
"We have no hold on you," said Sidney. "You are free to
depart when you wish."
"It was Broderick of our land who stole the statue from you,"
said Mortise. "I will stay until you recover it."
Sidney sighed. "If ever," she said.
A sharp knock came at the door. "It is I, your host," came a
voice. "May I enter?"
"Yes, of course," said Jasper, the point of green light
zipping toward the door. The handle turned, as if by an invisible hand, and Stauer bustled
in, ignoring Jasper and approaching Timaeus. Sidney wondered why people always seemed to
assume that Timaeus was the leader of their group. Was it his aristocratic air, or did
they sense his profligacy with money and head for the easiest mark?
"Good afternoon," said Stauer. "I do hope everything is
to your satisfaction?"
"Everything is most satisfactory," said Timaeus, perhaps a
little sleepily in the afternoon warmth. "Would you have any pipeweed?"
"Of course, monsieur," said Stauer. "Several
varieties of Alcalan blackleaf, and an interesting Moothlayan offering; I shall send a boy
up with a selection. I'm afraid I must raise two matters of, ahem, some minor
importance."
"Yes?" said Timaeus, sitting up.
Stauer gave a little cough. "As pleased as I am to meet companions
of the noble and valiant Leftenant von Kremnitz," he said, "the good gentleman
has, in the past, been known to tend toward a lamentable degree ofhow may one put
it impecunity? At the risk of indelicacy, I must tell you that this establishment
caters to a select clientele; a clientele capable of meeting its, ahem, appropriate
charges. The leftenant assures me that you have means of your own, and that"'
"I see, I see," said Timaeus, waving a hand. "You need
have no worries on this score. We shall, of course, pay the house's customary charges; if
there are details that need settling, I urge you to raise them with my man, Nicholas
Pratchitt, who has my complete confidence in financial matters."
Nick, who had been following this exchange with rising alarm, relaxed
somewhat, though it was obvious he was nettled at being described as Timaeus's man.
"Excellent," said Stauer with equal relief, turning to Nick.
"There is one slight matter which we ought, perhaps, to settle at present."
"Yes?" said Nick.
"It concerns your mounts," said Stauer.
Nick looked curious. "The horses?" he said.
"Yes," said Stauer, somewhat apologetically. "No doubt
beasts of such, ah, wisdom and experience, such loyal retainers, have great emotional
value for all concerned; yet one wonders at the, um, economic efficiency of boarding them
at our establishment."
Nick blinked. "I don't follow you," he said.
Stauer sighed, took off his pince-nez, and polished them with his
ruffled neckpiece. "Our stables charge a shilling per diem," he said
Nick choked, unable to respond.
Stauer looked slightly offended at this. "And worth every
penny," he said. "We curry them daily, ride them about to provide exercise when
their owners do not, attend to their medical needs as necessary, and provide the
finestquality provender, including fresh fruits and vegetables for a change in diet."
Nick snorted.
"Many noblemen, warriors in particular, appreciate this
attentiveness to the needs of their mounts, among their prized possessions; on the open
market, a trained warhorse of good breeding can fetch as much as"
"Yeah, yeah, I see," said Nick. "If your horse cost you
a hundred quid, a shilling a day to keep it in shape is no big deal. But our horses are a
bunch of broken-down nags."
Stauer sighed in relief, and replaced his glasses.
"Precisely," he said. "I can suggest more modest accommodations, if you
like."
"Maybe you can recommend a good knacker's yard," said Nick.
"Glue is about all they're good for."
"If you wish," said Stauer.
"By the way, Mr. Stauer," said Timaeus, "where has
Leftenant von Kremnitz got to?"
Stauer bobbed as if delighted to answer the question. "It is, of
course, the gentleman's duty to report to the Maiorkest upon entering the city," he
said. "Now, if there's anything-'
"The Maiorkest?"
"Ah? The mayoral palace; our seat of government. The Mayoral Foot
Guard is stationed there."
Sidney scowled again in renewed suspicion.
What at first glance had appeared to be a taproom proved to be a bit
more than that. A sign above the door bore the legend "Bistrot Scholari." There
was an ornate mahogany bar, but the rest of the bistrot was decorated in what might be
called dusty nook-and-cranny, lit more by the chandeliers overhead than the few shuttered
windows. Innumerable walls divided the space into wood-paneled booths. On shelves sat
dusty bottles of wine, dusty books, still-life displays of dusty plaster fruit in dusty
baskets, and dusty oil paintings meant to suggest bountysuckling pigs, cornucopiae,
peasants reaping grain. "Six for luncheon, if you please," said Jasper to the maitresse
d', who seemed only faintly startled to be addressed by a mobile point of light. She
solemnly curtsied and guided them to a booth. She gestured to indicate where they should
sit, then summoned a waiter with a showy snap of the fingers and an impatient stamp of the
foot. Before she left, she reached up and took hold of a rod dangling from one of the
chandeliers. She pulled on it and the chandelier moved, running on an iron rail bolted to
the ceiling, closer toward the boothpresumably so that the diners might more easily
study the bill of fare.
The booth was a bit crowded for them all, so Kraki went to take a chair
from one of the tables in the middle of the room. The chair was bolted to the floor. Kraki
looked puzzled when it did not move at first, then ripped it up with a crash and carried
it over, fragments of oak flooring sticking out from the ends of the chair legs.
The waiter watched this with serene unconcern, as if itwere an everyday
happening, and said, "I'll just add the repairs to your bill, shall I, messieurs
et madame?"
"Yes, yes," said Timaeus, waving a hand. "Do you have a
wine list?"
"I shall send over the sommelier," said the waiter. "In
the meantime, perhaps you would care to study the carte d'lrotel." He handed
over the menus. Kraki, perched on his chair, took one and held it upside down. Sidney
leaned over, took it from his hands, turned it right side up, and handed it back. The
waiter bustled away.
Suddenly, from across the room, a woman shouted, "Felicia, thou
strumpet! The lad hath plighted me his troth! Wherefore dost thou bestow such lascivious
caresses upon his person, thou jade, thou jezebel?" The speaker posed menacingly in
front of a booth across the bistrot, clad in a flounced yellow dress, a rapier at her
side, long brown hair in a ponytail down her back. A low murmur came from within the
booth, where Felicia, a pale woman in peach velvet and a pillbox hat, sat with several
companions. Felicia stood slowly and left the booth to stand before the woman in the
yellow dress. Whatever Felicia said did not mollify the other, who drew forth her blade
and lunged. The reason for bolting the chairs to the floor became instantly apparent;
Felicia dodged aside and grabbed a chair, no doubt intending to use it as a weapon.
People exploded from three nearby booths. Felicia, thrown off-balance
by the chair's failure to lift from the floor, might well have been skewered by her foe's
next thrust, but two men grabbed the woman in yellow, holding her arms. "This is
dishonorable," one shouted to her. "She has no weapon to defend herself."
At that, the woman in yellow ceased struggling, looking mortally annoyed.
The claim was not wholly true; Felicia had produced a long hatpin, but
she too was now surrounded by friends, who both shielded and argued with her. The tableau
held for a long moment, the woman in yellow relaxing from rage. Then, Felicia said in a
loud and biting voice, "Quite right. The baseborn lad is not worth the bother,"
and, adjusting her hat, restored the hatpin to its place.
The woman in yellow, peaceably turning toward another booth, twitched
at this, but did not turn back. The object of their quarrel, a young man with his hair in
ringlets, went with her, looking rather shamefaced. Quiet was soon restored.
While Timaeus and the others watched this exchange with interest,
Sidney, seated on the inside of the booth, heard a faint buzzing; at first she took it for
an insect and waved a hand, but the rhythm of the noise, it came to her, was the rhythm of
conversation. Curiously, she looked about, and noted a hole in the bench on which she sat,
where it met the walla hole that pierced the back of her bench and, apparently, the
bench in the next booth over. It was circular, about an inch in diameter, and appeared as
if it had been drilled through the wood at some point in the considerable past, as the
wood of the hole was stained with age. She was, she realized, overhearing the conversation
taking place in the next booth and, curious, leant back to listen.
". . . Stantz," said a voice.
"It is true, then? The Spider intended to kill the Lord
Mayor?" said a second.
"Isn't it obvious? Who else would dare?"
"But do you have proof?"
"Not such proof as could be displayed in court."
"You've had seven days to find proof."
"Look at this," said the first voice. There was a shuffling
of paper.
"The bastard," said the other voice. "Stantz has gone
too far this time."
"Are you with us, then?"
"Well, I"
"Are you ready to order?" said the waiter. He stood
expectantly behind Kraki, pad at the ready. Sidney missed something of the conversation
through the hole, and moved her ear toward it. "Listen to me! The Scepter of Stantius
is glowing!" said the hole.
"What would you recommend?" asked Timaeus.
"The rollatine de veau aver une sauce greepoise is very
nice."
Irritably, Sidney turned away from the waiter, trying to concentrate
only on eavesdropping, but the discussion about her made it impossible. She caught mere
snatchesincluding, once, the word "statue," which alarmed her.
"Une sauce greepoise, eh? let me guess," said Jasper,
slightly sarcastically. "Greeps are a kind of, oh, insect, are they not?"
"Sir? Why, certainly not! Would the Bistrot Scholari serve bugs to
its customers? No, no, greeps are a form of"
"Stop!" shouted Timaeus. "I forbid you to tell us what
greeps are."
The waiter was taken aback. "Sir?" he said.
"We are ascetics, every one of us," declared Timaeus,
"wholly uninterested in cuisine. We have not the slightest interest in greeps of any
form. I will have your plainest loaf of bread, and a glass of water."
"Ah," said the waiter, "but our greeps are like to tempt
even a palate such as yours, my good sir. Dug fresh from the"
"Stop!" shouted Timaeus. "If you say another word, we
shall instantly leave."
The waiter put on a sour expression. "Very well, sir," he
said. "Will you be having arsenic or strychnine with your water?"
Timaeus goggled. "I beg your pardon?"
"Ah," said the waiter. "Foreigners, I see. It is the
custom in our fair city to take poison with one's repasta sublethal dose, to be
sure."
"You're kidding," said Nick.
"No, sir," said the waiter. "I am in earnest. To build
up an immunity, you see. Especially among the upper classes, a certain resistance to
poison is useful in extending one's life span"
"Is assassination so common?" asked Sidney, interested
despite herself.
"Alas, no longer so common," said the waiter nostalgically.
"These are decadent times. Why, in my grandfather's day"
"No poison, please," said Timaeus, interrupting hastily.
"I assume that can be arranged?"
The waiter looked sour again. "Yes, of course, sir," he said.
"I'm afraid there will be an additional charge."
"For omission of the poison?" said Timaeus Mcredulously.
"Unpoisoned food requires special handling," said the waiter
disdainfully. "Will anyone else be dining this evening?"
Sidney ordered the bangers and mash. Jasper ordered the veal cutlet.
Farther Mortise ordered the steak and fries. "And you, sir?" sneered the waiter
to Kraki.
"I take vone of each," said Kraki.
"Sir?" said the waiter.
Kraki's finger stabbed blindly at each line on the menu. "Vone of
that," he said. "And vone of that. And vone of that. And vone of"
"I follow you, sir," said the waiter. "This is a
considerable quantity of food, you realize."
"Good," said Kraki, pulling up his tunic to scratch his hairy
belly. "I hungry."
"Quite," said the waiter. "No poison all around, I take
it?"
They assented. The sommelier had arrived while theywere ordering, but
had stood aside while the waiter took the last orders. As the waiter left, he said,
"Good evening. I assume you'll be wanting a red wine with"
"Bin twenty-one," said Timaeus offhandedly.
The sommelier blinked. "Sir?" he said. "But that's a
maderized"
"Bin twenty-one," said Timaeus testily.
The sommelier shrugged, and disappeared.
"You don't even know what wine's in bin twenty-one," said
Jasper. "How do you"
"I'm tired of being patronized," said Timaeus.
"You're in a foul mood, I must" said Jasper, but Sidney
shushed him loudly. She had her ear pressed to the hole again.
"What've you got?" asked Nick.
She shushed again. The others shut up and watched her listen.
"What do you mean?" said one of the voices from the hole.
"You are mistaken," said the other voice.
"How do you mean mistaken?"
"I do not have the files."
"But if you don't, then Freitag was lying!"
"Correct."
"And that means"
"That means the end."
"The end? Finis? Is that all I've ever meant to the gens?"
"You were a useful tool. Now you are broken."
There was a choking sound. "Youyou bastard," said the
second vice hoarsely. "The wine"
"Was poisoned."
And there was a thud.
A moment later, a man left the booth and strode across the room. He was
the very image of a chevalier: spurred boots, йpйe with ornate hilt, ruffled sleeves, a
ragged scar up one cheek. At the bistrot's door he paused, took a snuffbox from his
sleeve, opened it, and inserted a pinch in his left nostril while scanning the room. He
noted Sidney's eyesand those of the others-upon him, sneezed delicately into a lace
handkerchief, and left.
"Should I follow him?" asked Jasper.
"I don'tno, I suppose not," said Sidney.
"What is it, Sidney?" asked Timaeus.
She showed them the hole and described the conversation. As she did, a
waiter peered into the adjacent booth, then hurriedly departed.
"So an attempt has been made on the Lord Mayor's life," said
Jasper.
"Von Kremnitz didn't know," said Nick.
"Or didn't bother to tell us," said Sidney.
"Could it have been von Grentz?" asked Jasper.
"They seemed to think it was someone they called Stantz, or the
Spider," said Sidney.
"Ah," said Timaeus. "The Hamsterian Minister of Internal
Serenity."
Sidney stared at him. "How do you?"
"I do follow the international news, my dear," said Timaeus,
somewhat patronizingly. "What did they say about the statue?"
"I didn't catch that part," said Sidney testily. "You
were too busy harassing our waiter."
The waiter who had peered into the booth returned with the maitresse
d' and a busboy. Under the woman's direction, they entered the booth, reappearing a
moment later carrying a body, that of a heavyset man in checked hose and crimson doublet.
They carried him across the floor and out of the bistrot. Several customers watched them
go, then returned unconcernedly to their dinners.
"If it were my restaurant," said Nick, "I'd worry that
the customers might think the food was to blame."
"Perhaps it was," said Jasper. "Perhaps the chef .had
too heavy a hand with the arsenic shaker."
Timaeus chuckled. "Everyone does seem remarkably blasй," he
said.
Three waiters approached with platters of food. "Bon appйtit,
" said Timaeus, glumly examining his loaf of bread and his glass of water.
Moments later, the sommelier appeared with a bottle of wine with a label in Dwarven. He
presented it to Timaeus, who blinked; he had known that there were dwarven wines, but had
never tasted one. He suspected this was a bad omen; the dwarves ran more to stouts and
porters. With a flourish, the sommelier cut off the lead with a small knife, then drew the
cork. He poured a finger of wine into a glass and proffered it to Timaeus, who took a
taste, rolled it about in his mouth, and looked pleasantly surprised. "Very
nice," he saidand it was. It seemed to be some relative of sherry. Upon
Timaeus's approval, the sommelier poured each of the other diners a glass. Kraki drained
his instantly and said, "More ale."
"I shall send over your waiter," said the sommelier
contemptuously, disappearing into the dim recesses of the bistrot.
Nick elbowed Kraki in the ribs. "Read us the label," he said.
"Vhat?" said Kraki through a mouthful of pork cutlet.
"Thought you were a dwarf," said Nick.
"Ho ho," grunted Kraki sourly, and began plowing through the
sauerbraten. For a time, the only sounds were those of clattering silverware, mastication
and, in the case of Kraki, several extended bass belches.
"I'm not entirely sure I trust von Kremnitz," said Sidney,
who had barely touched her sausages. "Maybe we ought to try to find the statue on our
own."
"He did offer us the Lord Mayor's aid," said Jasper.
"You think we can trust the Lord Mayor any better than
Pablo?" asked Nick.
"A point," said Jasper. "On the other hand, the politics
of this city seem more than a little labyrinthine. Without a local patron, we might all
too easily find ourselves in the municipal hoosegow."
As Jasper spoke, there was a clatter, a thump, and a swishing noise.
Sidney peered out into the restaurant dimness; the noise was that of a chandelier, moving
on its runners. And indeed, a chandelier hurtled toward them from across the room, candle
flames fluttering with the motion, a booted man in flared trousers, an йpйe at the
ready, hanging from its rod.
The chandelier slammed to a halt at the end of its rail, lit candles
toppling onto the floor. The man let go at the last instant, landing dramatically atop
their table, one boot in Sidney's mashed potatoes and the other toppling a stein of ale
into Kraki's lap. The point of the йpee rested against Timaeus's throat.
"I have you now, Greiblitz!" the swordsman shouted.
"There'll be no more of your liI say. You're not Greiblitz."
With a roar, Kraki erupted from his seat, grabbed one of the
swordsman's legs, and yanked him from the table. The йpйe went flying across the .oom.
The two wrestled briefly; when the flurry of motion ceased, the swordsman's feet were
kicking in midair, his face turning purple as Kraki gradually crushed his esophagus.
"You spill my ale!" shouted Kraki.
"Just what we need at this point," said Sidney, "to
murder one of the locals."
"What's the problem?" said Nick. "Nobody's likely to
mind. I mean, if people get poisoned every daynot to mention killed in
duels"
"Still,". said Timaeus, "put him down, Kraki, there's a
good chap."
"My ale," said Kraki dangerously.
"I imagine he'll stand you another," said Timaeus. Kraki
grunted, and reluctantly set the swordsman down.
The swordsman panted for a moment, rubbing his neck, then said
hoarsely, "Awfully sorry. Glad to replace your ale. And your dinner, miss, if I may.
Don't suppose you've seen Greiblitz about? Well-dressed chappie, scar on one cheek, sports
an йpйe, partial to snuff?"
"Yes, yes," said Timaeus. "Poisoned a fellow the next
booth over, and left, oh, ten minutes ago. Now do run along, there's a good chap."
"Poisoned a fellow?" said the swordsman in alarm.
"Merciful heavens, I'm too late to save poor Grьnwald. Marlene will never forgive
me." And he ran off toward the bistrot's door, scooping up his sword along the way.
"Well," said Jasper. "Welcome to Hamsterburg."
"My ale!" shouted Kraki after the departing swordsman.
Frowning mightily, he sat down and pulled over a plate of schnitzel. "Should have let
me kill him," he complained.
"But what about von Kremnitz?" demanded Sidney: "We
still haven't decided"
"Speak of the devil," said Jasper, putting down his dwarven
wine. Indeed, von Kremnitz was walking across the bistrot toward them, one hand on the
hilt of his йpйe, peering rather fiercely into each booth in turn, as if he expected to
come under attack at any moment. "I say, Leftenant," said Jasper loudly, the
green light zipping back and forth in an attempt to attract attention.
"Ah," said von Kremnitz, "here you are, my friends. I
have good news. My master, Hamish Siebert, Lord Mayor of this Most Serene Republic, will
grant you an audience as soon as you can come to the Maiorkest."
Guismundo Stantz, Minister of Internal Serenity, the Spider, whose web
spanned the world, who drew the unwary inward to their final destruction, master of a
hundred plots, the ears behind a thousand walls; Guismundo Stantz, secret master of
Hamsterburg, was resting. "Just. resting my eyes," he would have said, if anyone
had asked him what he was doing. That might, to an impartial observer, have seemed an
inadequate description. He was slumped far back in his chair, his head dangling at an
angle that would inflict a crick in his neck upon awakening, a line of drool suspended
from a slack mouth, vast flesh vibrating with his snores. "Snores," too, might
be thought inadequate; he roared, a sleepy lion.
About him clustered a dozen brass speaking tubes, curving away through
the walls to distant subordinates. Ten or twelve times a minute, the men and women at the
tubes' nether ends flinched as their ears were assaulted with a noise like that of the
sea, crashing with gale force against the rocks of the shore. None of them dared move too
far from their tubes, lest Stantz awaken suddenly and issue them an order.
Half the ministry knew that Stantz was, ah, resting, but none dared
awaken him. Men had died for less.
Stantz had spent two bad nights. On the first, there had been Wolfe,
and then the damned elven ambassador; on the second, a series of critical reports had kept
him glued to his desk. The Accommodationists were apparently plotting a coup d'etat, and
he still didn't know why. Two nights of inadequate sleep had finally caught up with him.
A shadow moved silently up and into the armchair that stood across the
desk from Stantz. Suddenly, Wolfe sat in the chair, wincing at the noise.
"Stantz," she shouted over the ocean's roar. "Wake up, man."
With the suddenness of a surfacing whale, Stantz jerked into
consciousness. He blinked sleepy eyes at the room, then said, "Morning, Ren. Just
resting my eyes."
"Resting them since morning, apparently," said Wolfe.
"It's late afternoon."
Stantz blinked. "Ah," he said, and reached up to shutterthe
speaking tubes; no need to have the rest of the ministry listen in on this. "And
how"
"I've been to the Drachehaus," said Wolfe tiredly. "Took
me hours to get in, and hours to get out; von Grentz's security is very tight."
"Well I know," muttered Stantz. "I've been trying to
penetrate it from this end."
"Any luck?" said Wolfe.
"Not much," said Stantz. "Broderick de Biddleburg, the
deposed regent of a little barony in the mountains, showed up at von Grentz's castle out
toward the Dzorz, in a snit about something. This was two weeks ago. He demanded to speak
with von Grentz; the next morning, the two of them and a company of soldiers headed out,
and came back with a mysterious somethingorother wrapped up in a tarpaulin."
"And then?"
"And then," said Stantz irritably, "our informant's
vital functions ceased."
Wolfe snorted. "Fenstermann must be unhappy."
Stantz looked quizzical. "Who?
"The torturer," said Wolfe. "Friend of mine."
"Why should he be unhappy?"
"He's a humanitarian," Wolfe explained. "Opposed to
torture on principle. Says a tortured subject will admit to anything just to"
"Damn it, Wolfe, are you telling me we employ a torturer with
moral scruples? What can Personnel be thinking of? How effective can he
possibly"
"He's very effective, Guismundo," said Wolfe. "I'm sorry
I brought it up. He's very skilled. His dad was a torturer, and his granddad before him;
it's a family tradition."
Stantz goggled, but sighed after a moment. "The Dungeon Division
operates fairly well," he said, rubbing his third chin. "A bad idea to
second-guess subordinates, anyway. So tell me about Drachehaus."
"Hmm? Oh, very severe lines, wouldn't be surprised if the
architect were a Son of the Morning. Only real ornamentation is a dragon, nicely carved,
above the main door. The grounds"
"Ren," said Stantz, "you may think it cute to be
purposefully obtuse, but I am a busy man"
"Busy sleeping," said Wolfe.
"Be that as it may," said Stantz. "I'm not interested in
the Drachehaus itself; I want to know what you learned inside the Drachehaus."
"You remember that rumor about the statue of Stantius? Some
adventurers in Athelstan supposedly found it, at about the time that the Scepter of
Stantius started glowingT'
"Yes, yes."
"Von Grentz has it."
"What ... the statue?"
"Yes," said Wolfe.
"Ah, the mysterious object under the tarp."
Wolfe shrugged. "Could be. But there's more."
"There generally is."
"Von Grentz wants to use it to make himself king."
Stantz blinked. "Not just mayor, but king? Of all humanity?"
"Righto," said Wolfe cheerfully. "He had a wizzo in to
talk about it, a lich"
"A lick?"
"Yes."
"Unusual," said Stantz. "There are few free lichs; most
are tied to their graves, some few enslaved to Arst-KaraMorn. Blazes, if they've got
their tentacles in thisbut why would they want von Grentz king? Von Grentz actually
thought that was possible?"
"He seemed quite hot on the notion. The lich was a little less
convinced, but seemed willing to give it a shot."
"Hmm," said Stantz. "Let's see if this makes sense.
VonGrentz gets hold of the statue. This changes the delicate balance of power among the
Hundred, so he attempts to assassinate Siebert, hoping to get elected mayor himself. This
doesn't work, so he starts to line up the rest of the Accommodationists to put over a
coup d'etat"
"What?"
"I have indications along those lines, yes. Von Grentz himself has
a small army, you know-traditional regiment, out Dzorz way. Guisardieres. Some of the
other noble Accommodationists do, too. The only military force in the capital is the Mayor
Foot Guard"
"Unless you count the watch," said Wolfe.
Stantz snorted. "Please," he said. "So while von Grentz
is hardheadedly maneuvering to seize power, he's simultaneously playing with mystical
folderol, to acquire divine sanction as Human King ... Hmm, you know, even if it proves
impossible, the symbolism is important. If he can claim to be Human King with any
authority, the mob"
"Yes," said Wolfe, "I see."
Stantz was silent for a long moment. "There's worse," he said
grimly.
Wolfe raised an eyebrow.
"I'm the villain of the piece," he said.
"You generally are," said Wolfe.
Stantz smiled. "Well, terror has its uses," he said.
"But I'm serious. We're picking up a whispering campaign; von Grentz has the statue
of Stantius, the Scepter of same is glowing, there shall be a new human king. By his
possession of the statue, von Grentz is marked out to become that man. The foul Spider,
Guismundo Stantz, attempted to assassinate the Lord Mayor Hamish, darling of the mob, and
plots against him still; von Grentz shall avenge Siebert's death, reach an understanding
with the East, abolish the draft, reduce taxation"
"Is this hypothetical?"
"No, it's all over the taverns," said Stantz. "Sets
things up nicely; they kill Siebert, pin it on me; by the time the coup d'etat occurs,
mobs turn out in the streets to support it. Half the nobility already supports the
Accommodationists; with Accommodationist troops in control of the town, the other half can
be purged"
"Soldiers going door to door with naked blades," said Wolfe.
"Blood running in the streets. We haven't had anything like that in three hundred
years"
"Correct," said Stantz, nodding sagely. "Our tradition
of assassination serves as a safety valve for political violence, obviating the need for
more extreme measures. Obviously, von Grentz must be stopped."
"But how?"
"We have to get the statue away from him," said Stantz.
"Is it in the Drachehaus?"
"Yes," said Wolfe. "But the place is a fortress."
Stantz shrugged. "You have carte blanche," he said.
"Spend whatever it takes. Assemble a team and get it. I shall expect it by
Friday."
"I've been up all night," she groused. "Can't it
wait?"
"Yes," said Stantz. "It can wait till tomorrow-Friday.
At which time, I shall expect to see Stantius safely in the Albertine Lodge."
"Explain to me again why this is so vital," said Wolfe
tiredly.
"The coup is scheduled for Sunday."
"So, in a pinch, the raid could be on Saturday."
Stantz grimaced. "Yes, yes," he said, "but it's foolish
to schedule something for the last possible moment."
"All right," said Wolfe. "Go back to sleep. Meanwhile,
I, sleepless, will labor onward."
Stantz snorted. "Haven't you heard?" he said. "The
Spider is everywhere. He never sleeps."
"No," said Wolfe. "He just rests his eyes."
It didn't occur to Wolfe until much later that she hadn'ttold Stantz
about the strange old man who had also, to all appearances, been spying on von Grentz.
"Is this really necessary?" demanded Timaeus in a harsh
whisper, his handkerchief to his nose in a largely futile attempt to keep out the dust. He
peered down toward his feet, trying to make out the next joist in the feeble light; he had
tripped once already, landing painfully across several joists, and had no desire to repeat
the experience. He put one hand to the dusty lath to steady himself, and flinched as he
dislodged bits of plaster, which rattled down the wall.
"Spies are everywhere," responded von Kremnitz, also
whispering, йpйe out and opal ring glowing. "Be careful."
"Yes, well, this isn't quite how one expects to be received by a
head of state," said Jasper, flitting on ahead and pausing at an intersection,
uncertain which way to proceed. "When you said `grant us an audience,' we did have
something rather grander in mind."
"I sure as hell wouldn't have put on this damned dress if I'd
known I'd be creeping around in the walls like a rat," snarled Sidney. Despite the
short notice, she had managed to find suitable garb at a couturiиre not far from the
pension; the seamstress had rapidly altered it to fit. It was black velvet with silver
trim, not her preferred manner of dress, but when you met lord mayors and such ... It was
smeared now with dust and cobwebs. Its only saving grace, as far as Sidney was concerned,
was that the Hamsterians expected both men and women to bear weapons; the dress had a
sling for a sword, and the sleeves were voluminous enough to permit her to carry throwing
knives. If she was condemned to wear this frippery, at least she could still go armed.
"We're nearly there," whispered von Kremnitz soothingly.
"In fact" He pressed his eyes to a peephole, and made a satisfied sound.
"I must merely find the control for the secret doorhere."
There was a clicking sound. Nothing happened. There was a clicking
sound again, then, somewhat frantically, the same sound three times in quick succession.
"It's not working," whispered von Kremnitz.
"Is hokay," said Kraki. "I fix." He pushed his way
past Timaeus and von Kremnitz to the door.
A loud voice reached their ears through the wall. "Von
Kremnitz," it said, "is that you?"
"Yes, my lord," said von Kremnitz, equally loudly.
"We're having some difficulty"
"Not to worry," said the voice. "I installed a lock.
Just a moment"
There was a crash. Laths and plaster flew; they squinted as light
flooded the secret passage. Kraki hurled through the ragged hole he had smashed in the
wall, into the Dandolo Room beyond, plaster dust and rubble flying everywhere.
"I am Kraki, son of Kronar," he roared, holding the point of
his mighty sword to Siebert's stomach. "Name yourself, or die."
The Lord Mayor held a tall glass of something bubbly in one hand, his
other hand halfway to the hilt of his rapier. Wisely, he refrained from moving his hand
any closer to the blade. "I am Hamish Siebert," he said, seemingly unalarmed,
"a simple man, but ruler of this city."
"Is hokay," Kraki allowed, sheathing his weapon in the
scabbard slung across his back and making toward the bar.
Siebert let loose a long breath, waving his free hand across his face
to waft away the plaster dust that hung in the air. "A rather unorthodox
entrance," he said. "You might have forewarned me, Leftenant."
"I am sorry, my lord," said von Kremnitz, on his knees before
the Lord Mayor. "May I present" And he introduced each of the others, in
turn.
Siebert seemed most interested in Sidney, whose hand he pressed to his
lips. "Charmed," he murmured, holding on to her hand far longer than was
necessary. Rather selfconsciously, Sidney brushed some of the cobwebs off her dress.
"Well, well, said Siebert, waving a hand toward the sideboard.
"Help yourself to a drink, if you like; no servants right now, in the interest of
discretion, albeit heaven knows how much discretion we can maintain. I've got the usual
wards against scrying, you know, but who knows if I can trust the wizards who cast them?
Adventurers in the grand style, what? Hauling things off to Arst-Kara-Morn, bearding the
Dark Lord in his lair sort of thing. Ah, youth.".
"Leftenant von Kremnitz has told you of our quest, then?"
asked Timaeus, bringing a finger toward his pipe.
"Yes, of course-must you light that beastly" There was
a bang. "Ah, well, never mind. You're all quite mad, you know."
"How so?" asked Jasper, settling down toward a couch.
"The good leftenant tells me you plan to free the spirit of
Stantius, hmm? Whereupon the gods will select a new Human King, or some damn thing, who'll
lead us on a glorious crusade to crush the nasty orcs. All very nice, gaiety and
celebration, up the side, and so forth. What happens if the Dark Lord takes it from
you?"
"The statue?" said Timaeus.
"Mmm," Siebert agreed, nose in his drink.
"Then," said Timaeus, "he'll use it to enslave humanity,
presumably the reason for capturing and binding Stantius's spirit in the first place.
We'll join the orcs, crush the elves and dwarves, and live as serfs and peons in a vast
evil empire for all time to come."
"Something like that, I imagine," said Siebert.
"Cheers." He took another long quaff, ice tinkling against the side of the
glass. "Is taking the statue to Arst-KaraMorn therefore the best idea in the
world?"
"Well, you know," said Jasper. "Legends foretell, fated
to do such and so, the traditions of the quest. Stiff upper lip, must do as duty
demands."
"And so forth," said Timaeus. "I'll have one of those;
what is it?"
"Genever and greep soda," said the Lord Mayor. "Very
pleasant, really:"
"Urg," said Timaeus. "Never mind, then. Kraki, some of
the single-malt, won't you?"
The barbarian, who had been sampling the bottles at the sideboard one
by one, peered at the selection until he found something that looked like a whisky. He
picked it up, made certain it was well stoppered, and hurled it at Timaeus. The wizard
only just brought his hands up in time to prevent it from bashing him in the head. He
unstoppered it, looked about for a glass, sighed, and took a swig from the open neck.
"So you can't be dissuaded?" said Siebert.
"Afraid not," said Timaeus.
"Oh, well," said Siebert cheerfully. "Sheer lunacy, to
be sure, but I don't imagine I'll be around to see the outcome in either event. The
important thing is to get the statue away from von Grentz before he can turn the Republic
into a charnel house."
"Right," said Nick. "And the first step is to find out
where he's got it."
"Ah, that I can tell you," said Siebert. "It's in the
Drachehaus, his mansion in the city. The leftenant can take you there, I imagine."
"How do you know it's there?" asked Sidney.
"The Minister of Internal Serenity has so informed me," he
said.
"The Spider?" protested von Kremnitz. "But he tried to
kill you! How can you trust "
"As to that, the good minister has been sending me these little
love notes," said Siebert. "He claims that poor von Krautz was actually
assassinated by the Graf von Grentz, who set Minister Stantz up to take the blame. He
claims, moreover, that von Grentz is plotting a coup, anda further attempt at
assassination. I'd been rather skeptical, but your own news about von Grentz and the
statue is independent corroboration, as are the reports that several Accommodationist
nobles are assembling their household troops not far from the city. I believe I'm
beginning to place some credence in Stantz's little theory."
"If you know where the statue is, can't you just order your army
to go and take it?" asked Nick.
Siebert raised an amused eyebrow. "Ah, the rashness of
youth," he said. "It isn't quite so easy, you see. `My army' would mean the
Mayoral Foot Guard; the rest is under the command of the Ministry of War, or the Arsenal,
or individual noble houses. Von Grentz has his mansion well defended; there would be a
pitched battle. I would immediately be accused by the Hundred Gentes of seeking to
overthrow the ancient and honorable rights of -all free citizens by forcibly entering a
gentleman's quarters and seizing his property without due process of law; a motion of
censure would be introduced, and possibly one of impeachment. That last would require
legal maneuvering; no one has actually introduced a motion of impeachment in the
Republic's history, although tradition permits it, since it's generally been considered
easier just to assassinate the individual in question. Actually, immediate assassination,
possibly by the very officers I order to carry out the attack, is the likeliest outcome of
any such attempt."
"Then you won't help us?" demanded Sidney.
"My dear!" Siebert protested. "You wound me to the
quick! Why, all of the resources at my command are at your disposal."
"What resources do you command?" asked Nick.
"There's the rub," said Siebert, smiling.
There was silence for a moment.
"See here" said Siebert. "Go to the Drachehaus, scout it
out. If possible, obtain clear evidence of von Grentz's treason. With hard evidence, I can
do much. Even without, perhaps I can help you obtain the wherewithal to invade von
Grentz's mansion and steal the statue from it the aid of a wizard or two, documents,
perhaps a few loyal soldiers. Once you know what you need, perhaps Guismundo Stantz can be
persuaded to assist us; but while I am happy to assist you as I can, without unduly
destabilizing my own precarious position, I have no magic wand, no helpful genie. You must
solve your own problems."
"Thanks a lot," said Nick.
Siebert shrugged. "Life is hard. Leftenant von Kremnitz, stay with
these people, and assist their however you may; you know how to contact me, if further
assistance is needed."
"Yes, my lord," said von Kremnitz.
"May we leave by the front door, please?" said Timaeus.
"I've had enough of scuttling through the walls like a roach."
"I see no harm in it," said Siebert. "And now, adieu,
farewell, stay not upon the hour of thy going." He turned to Sidney. "Do
come back and visit an old man sometime, my dear," he said, pressing her hand to his
breast. To Timaeus's vast surprise, she actually smiled back.
III.
Wolfe chanted a spell.
A near full moon shone down on the horses, the hansom cab, and its
top-hatted driver, casting sharp shadows against the cobblestones of the street. Across
the street, behind its iron fence, the Drachehaus stood amid carefully tended gardens.
Dark windows declared that nothing disturbed the slumber of those within.
"None of tha' magic, now, miss," said the hansom's driver
sleepily, waving his whip at Wolfe and her three companions. "My fare' ll be two
shillings, and I've an amulet 'gainst illusion. Yell "
With a gesture, Wolfe completed her spell: The carriage and its driver
flattened out, as if they had turned from rounded matter instantly to flat portrait; the
color leached from them, leaving shades of black and gray; the image distorted, as if it
were twisting down toward the shadow cast on the stones; and then they were gone.
Their shadow, etched against the cobbles, remained; a shadow, now, with
nothing to cast it. The whole had happened in a space of seconds.
Wolfe removed a pouch from her belt; it glowed silver in the moonlight,
an intricate pattern in black and white rippling across its surface. She chanted again, a
brief cantrip this time, and laid the pouch down on the cobblestones. Like water streaming
into a drain, the shadow was sucked into the pouch's confines. Wolfe pulled the drawstring
and knotted it with satisfaction, then left the pouch on the cobblestones and turned to
her three companions.
"Whhhhhhheeeeeeernrrrre," said the brown-robed earth mage,
scanning the street in confusion. Agent G nudged the pouch with the toe of her boot. The
troll waited patiently for Wolfe to tell him what to do.
"Aaaaaaammmmmmm," the earth mage said.
A warm breeze rustled leaves. Scattered clouds scudded across the moon.
It was late, past midnight. G gave the pouch a harder nudge, surprised that she had been
completely unable to budge it. Wolfe smiled faintly at that; the pouch contained two
horses, a hansom cab, and a rather beefy man. Wolfe could transform them into a shadow,
but that didn't diminish their weight. She had no qualms about leaving the pouch here
while they invaded the mansion; thieves might try to steal it in their absence, but she
doubted they'd have much luck.
"Iiiiiii?" said the earth mage.
"Quick on the uptake, isn't he?" said Agent G. She was a
corpulent, stringy-haired woman, clad for tonight's work in loose-fitting black clothes
and an amazing variety of weapons. At her belt were throwing stars, knives, and two
swords. Slung on her back was a small crossbow, a case of quarrels, and a rope with a
noose. And those were only the visible arms; others were secreted about her person. Wolfe
had been glad to get her: The agents of Internal Serenity came in three
states-individually lettered, individually numbered, and general releaseand of
these, the letteredagents were by far the most highly prized. Wolfe had expected to be
forced to settle for one of the more numerous numbered agents, but G had been at loose
ends and Wolfe had been able to commandeer her.
"Actually, he's a veritable speed demon," said Wolfe as she
held up a placard for the man to read. "Earth mages deal with phenomena that change
over geologic epochs. As they get older, their metabolism tends to slow down to suit.
There are some who move so slowly they can't even interact with the rest of human society
anymore." The earth mage had by now brought up his right hand and taken the placard
from Wolfe.
"I'll take your word for it," said G. "I thought this
was supposed to be fast in and fast out. How's that going to work with a guy who sprints
at a slow walk?"
The earth mage was slowly mouthing the words written on the placard:
"Please begin your spell."
"He's not going in with us," said Wolfe. "He's just
going to get us in."
"Past the wards?" asked G.
"That's the idea," said Wolfe.
The earth mage dropped the placard. He said the first syllable of a
Word, still looking a little confused.
"He starting the spell?" asked G.
"Yes," said Wolfe.
"Take him long?" asked G.
"We timed it," explained Wolfe. "It should take him
fifteen minutes, give or take a bit. We need to get prepared."
The earth mage finished the first syllable of his Word and started in
on syllable two.
"Yeah, okay," said G. "What about the troll?"
"Ook," said the troll. He wore a peculiarly heavy leather
harness, and carried no weapon other than a coil of thick rope.
"Chad's coming with us," said Wolfe. "The statue is
supposed to be heavy; we need muscle to haul it out, and they don't come much stronger
than trolls."
G sighed. "Trolls," she said.
"Ook!" said Chad. "Trust Chad. Chad good troll."
"He'll be fine," Wolfe said irritably.
G snorted but made no reply. She was watching the earth mage, who drew
a deep breath; he had actually completed the first Word of his spell. He began to drone
the first syllable of the next.
Wolfe glanced at the moon. "Maybe another ten minutes," she
said.
"Dragons," said Nick forebodingly.
"Vhere?" said Kraki, drawing his enormous blade with a
scritch of steel and adopting a ready stance.
Nick pointed to the carving above the Drachehaus's main door: a dragon
segreant.
Kraki peered at it mistrustfully, perhaps expecting it to come to life.
"Von Grentz's arms, I expect," said Timaeus. "You may
recall that his guisardieres bore a similar badge."
"I don't like it," Nick said. "There weren't supposed to
be any dragons."
"'There aren't," said Sidney. "It's just a
carving."
"I still don't like it," complained Nick. "If the dragon
is his symbol, he might have. one around here somewhere." "In the midst of a
human city?" said Jasper. "Don't be absurd. It would have half the town in
flames."
"Sure," said Nick. "Don't pay any attention to me. What
do I know? I'm just saying"
"Oh, bosh," said Timaeus, knocking his pipe against a section
of cast-iron fence. Charred pipeweed fell from the bowl and onto the slate of the street.
"Do calm down, there's a lad."
"Don't do that," said Nick. "Any mansion that big has
got magical wards. Touching the fence might doanything-set off alarms, trigger a magical
assault, wake up the dragon . . ."
"There's no dragon, Pratchitt," said Timaeus somewhat
irritably, thumbing more weed into his meerschaum. "Anyway, would you make your wards
so sensitive as to register the thump of a pipe, or someone brushing up against the fence
while strolling down the street? You'd run your guards ragged, charging out to investigate
every stray sparrow or inattentive pedestrian."
"Still," said Jasper thoughtfully, hovering just shy of the
fence, "the lad has a point. We durst not cross the fence without preparation. If the
graf in truth has our statue within his mansion, it will be well protected; our only hope
of snatching it is to get in quickly, without triggering alarms, and get out equally
fast."
"Pole-vault over fence," suggested Kraki. "Run like
damn."
"Hell," said Nick.
"Vhat?" said Kraki.
"Run like hell."
"Yah," said Kraki. "That's vhat I said."
"No, you said"
"Pole-vaulting won't do it," said Sidney. "Ward effects
usually extend upward, as well as along a fence or wall. You'd probably trigger something
even if you never actually touched the fence."
"How high upward?" asked Frer Mortise.
"Why?" said Sidney.
Mortise coughed. "I am able, in the light of the moon, to
transform myself into an owl. I might fly over the fence."
"A thought, Brother," said Sidney deferentially, "but
skulking about a mansion in search of valuables is more in my line than yours. More than
once, I've gotten into a warded building in the guise of a cat. You don't want your wards
to register animals, after all, or your guards would go charging out after the local
mousers seven or eight times a night."
"Perhaps so," said Jasper, "but the wards might be set
to detect the passage of a sapient mind, or a concentration of magicand your
therianthropy is a form of magic, after allin which case you'd set them off, even as
a cat."
"You're a were?" demanded von Kremnitz of Sidney, his face
bearing a faint expression of disgust. Therianthropy was magically associated with chaos,
and in the minds of the ignorant, especially, this meant with evil; von Kremnitz had a
trace of the common prejudice against shapechangers.
"Yeah," Sidney said belligerently. "Want to make
something of it?"
Von Kremnitz cleared his throat, and hastily turned to Jasper.
"Why don't you just read the minds of those within the mansion?" he asked.
"I've already tried, but as I expected, the mansion is warded
against just such a thing," said Jasper. "Most noblemen, especially those with
political ambitions, protect themselves against the more common methods of scrying."
"Really," said Timaeus, pipe full but unwilling to light it
with the concomitant explosion and the attention it might draw, "we ought to retreat
and plan this assault in more detail. Nice to know the place is here, would be nicer to be
certain that the statue's in it, but an impromptu attack on a well-defended site with no
preparation strikes me as"
"Why don't I just run a recce?" said Jasper, spiraling
upward. "I'll try to fly over the wards myself"
"No," Sidney said, raising her voice to reach him as he rose.
"Magical flight is common enough, you're bound to trigger"
The earth mage completed his last slow gesture, spake his last slow
Word. The bricks of the street buckled upward, then fountained aside in a shower of dirt.
Where they had been stood a lumpen, earth-colored, vaguely humanoid shape, hulking and
massive: an earth elemental, a gnome.
The earth mage began keeninga long, low, sustained note. After a
few seconds, he changed pitch.
"What's he doing?" asked G.
"Chanting," said Wolfe. "He needs to tell the elemental
what to do."
"Public Works isn't going to like that," said G, nodding
toward the gaping hole in the road.
Wolfe snorted. "Come on, G," she said, "you going to
tell them who did it?"
"Ook?" said the troll.
"Yes, Chad?" said Wolfe.
"When do we go?" asked the troll.
"Soon," said Wolfe. Under the mage's direction, the gnome had
turned to face the fence. Now it was sinking back into the earth, as if gradually merging
with it, the magician keening still.
At last the gnome had disappeared within the hole its appearance had
caused. Bricks adjacent to the hole buckled upward; dirt began to fly out of the hole in
an arc away from the fence, pattering into a growing pile on the sidewalk across the
street. More bricks buckled upward, as a low berm began to extend from the hole toward the
fence surrounding the Drachehaus. The berm intersected the sidewalk; slate flags tilted at
sharp angles. Then the berm passed underneath the cast-iron fence and into the garden
beyond.
"Big mole," said the troll. He was right, Wolfe thought; the
berm looked like nothing so much as a gigantic molehill.
Inside the fence, the berm extended into the roots of an enormous
rhododendron, which tilted up and sideways, coming down on its side with a rustle of
leaves and the faint cracks of twigs. A few moments later, there was a shower of dirt
within the, garden, and the gnome's lumpen shape appeared, shedding soil like water.
"Come on," said Wolfe, and stepped into the tunnel the gnome
had dug.
"Fear not," said Jasper faintly from above. "I'll be
back in a jiffy. Ta-ta." The green light darted inward, across the fence.
Almost instantly, from within the mansion there came a faint brass
sound: the unmistakable noise of a gong. Jasper flitted onward, apparently oblivious to
the alarm. Again the gong sounded.
Sidney Stollitt cursed, her words ending in an annoyed cat's hiss. She
twined through the bars and scampered across the lawn.
"Hokay," said Kraki. "Might as vell be hanged for a
sheep as a frying pan." He swarmed up and over the fence.
Nick seized the bars of the fence. "Idiot," he shouted after
Kraki. "You've got about as much sense as a sheep. You'll-oh, hell." He
clambered up the fence himself, dropped to the nether side, and sprinted after Kraki.
Timaeus, concluding that since the alarm had been given there was no
longer any reason not to light his pipe, brought his finger toward the bowl.
There was an explosion; Mortise, startled, transformed into an owl and
flitted after the others. The flames about Timaeus's head dissipated after a moment, the
fire mage puffing happily.
Pablo von Kremnitz was running up and down the fence, йpйe in hand,
rather wild-eyed. "What . . . ?" he sputtered. "They've .. . We've got
to"
"We've got to do nothing," said Timaeus. "If they
want to act like fools, it's not our responsibility to bail them out."
"Ye gods, I thought you people had at least an iota ofsense,"
protested von Kremnitz. "No coordination, no plan, no-it's disastrous!"
"Didn't we pass an alehouse a block or two back?" asked
Timaeus. "Whisky sounds attractive about now."
"Surely we had better do something," von Kremnitz said.
"Well, you know," said Timaeus apologetically, "sneaking
about is not exactly my mйtier. Blowing things up is rather more in my line."
The gong had been sounding continuously. From somewhere on the
mansion's grounds, there came a curious noise, like a deep barking or a low roar.
"Sneaking about?" said von Kremnitz incredulously. "I'd
say any element of sneakiness has long since been lost. And subtlety is not exactly your
man Kraki's strong suit."
"Point taken. No reason not to take more drastic measures,
then?" said Timaeus.
"I should say not," said von Kremnitz.
"Oh, well then," said Timaeus. He chanted briefly and pointed
a finger at the cast-iron bars. He swept the finger back and forth in long strokes,
melting a line across the fence. Severed sections of iron fell out, some hitting the
earth, others striking the sidewalk with clangs. "After you," said Timeaus,
gesturing courteously toward the opening.
"After you," said von Kremnitz, responding in kind.
"No, no," said Timaeus, "after you, my dear
chap."
Wolfe examined the gnome's tunnel. It was low; she'd need to crawl
through on hands and knees. And that meant she'd get covered with dirt. She grimaced
fastidiously, but crouched down-and at that moment, a gong sounded from within the
Drachehaus.
Wolfe checked. What had set off the alarm? The gnome's passage
shouldn't have done it. And indeed, she realized, it had not; the gnome had appeared
within the garden well before the alarm had sounded. "Something's gone wrong,"
she said.
"Uhhhhhhh," said the earth mage.
"I thought you said you'd checked the wards thoroughly," said
G.
"I did!" Wolfe protested. "The ward effect doesn't
extend underground. The gnome shouldn't have"
"We're screwed, Wolfe," said G.
"Ohhhhhhh," said the earth mage.
"We don't have a choice," said Wolfe, dropping to hands and
knees. Soft earth compressed beneath her palms; the tunnel smelled of rich loam. Wolfe
contemplated the likely presence of small, wiggly things.
"This is lunacy," said G. "We're discovered. We
daren't "
"Nnnnnnnoooooooowwwwwww," said the earth mage.
"Shut up and follow me," said Wolfe. "Stantz wants the
statue by tomorrow morning. It's my ass if he doesn't have it.
"Tough for you," said G.
"Tough for you," said Wolfe, "if you want to keep
on working for the Ministry."
G's lips twisted into a snarl. She'd been involved in too many
sensitive affairs; if the Ministry ever felt she was no longer to be trusted, she wouldn't
live long. Wolfe was not merely threatening her livelihood, but her life.
"Whhhhhhhaaaaaaat," said the earth mage.
Briefly, G contemplated the possibility of killing Wolfe; killed in
action, yes, with only G escaping to tell the doleful tale. But it was too chancy, to kill
an ally while penetrating enemy territory.
"Dooooooo," said the earth mage.
Wolfe had disappeared into the tunnel. G stepped down into the hole and
got onto her knees. The fact that she'd get dirty bothered her not at all; to the
contrary, dirtsmeared on face and hands would merely make her harder for the enemy to see
in this dim light.
"Ook," said Chad worriedly, clambering into the tunnel.
"Iiiiiiii," said the earth mage. Slowly, he blinked. They
were gone. "Dooooooooo," he said, finishing the sentence. What should he
do now?
That was the problem in dealing with hasty folk. They had such short
attention spans. Always running off and leaving you standing around at the site of a
felony.
He sighed for several minutes. Well, something would no doubt happen
within the next few (apparent) seconds; either Wolfe would be back, or someone would
arrest him, or perhaps someone would try to kill him.
Experimentally, the earth mage said, "I surrender," as
quickly as he was able. It was most unsatisfactory; why were though so damned many
syllables in "surrender"? Dreadful word for the purpose; you'd think there'd be
something simpler. "Uncle," he said. Would that do?
The moment Jasper crossed the line of the fence, he heard a distant
gong. "Bother," he muttered; apparently he hadn't been sufficiently high. Or
possibly the wards extended up and over the mansion, a hemispheric effect; he'd heard of
such things before.
Well, he was still invisible, mostly, and still capable of flying
rather quickly; and he had his magic powers. Reconnaissance was still feasible. He could
get into the house and find someone in charge, read a mind or two, and find out where the
statue was.
Sidney shouted something at him. Surely they wouldn't be so foolish as
to follow him? Well, with any luck he'd only be a minute. If they were such idiots as to
cross the fence after him, they'd provide a useful diversion. He'd be back momentarily,
and they could all scoot back to the pension for a late meal. A split or two of champagne
would go very well, Jasper thought.
He zipped through the still night air. It was late enough that the
crickets had ceased their racket. There was no noise, other than that infernal gong and
the hoot of an owl behind him. Confound it, not Mortise, I hope, he thought. There was an
open window at the bottom floor, a drape blowing gently out into the night as the house
exhaled warm air into cooling darkness. Jasper flitted for the window
There was a sudden impact. Jasper's head and knees smarted something
fierce. His vision dimmed for a moment, and when it gradually returned, little things
danced in the edges of his sight. He was lying headlong on the grass.
He brought up a hand to look at it, but was relieved to see he was
still invisible. Or rather, only his flame remained, the green light at the center of his
being; it marked, so he had been told, his soul. He rose back into the air and moved
toward the window once more, poking gingerly toward it with a hand.
To all appearances, the window was wide open. And the drape waved
through it without obstruction. He sensed a magic there, a diffuse one: another damned
ward, this one not along the fence, but protecting the mansion itself.
A ward against magical flight, he thought? Or invisible things? Or-or
what?
Jasper de Mobray felt his rings. Rings on his fingers and bells on his
toes; well, no bells, actually, but he had rings aplenty. Ten fingers, ten rings. Given a
decade or two as an adventurer, one tended to accumulate all sorts of magic items. This
one stored magic power; this one commanded Damon; that gave him flight; this
invisibility.... Very useful, Jasper's rings.
And he'd worn them so long their effect was redoubled. Magic is
effected through similarity; his rings had been so long on his fingers, were so intimately
associated with himthat they were similar, in some sense, to his very soul. And so their
effect was intensified, when he used their powers.
But similarity was a double-edged sword. They were so damned similar it
was hard to take them off.
Physically hard, too, Jasper thought, feeling his knuckles. He was no
longer as young, or as svelte, as he once had been.
Jasper de Mobray sat on the grass before the Drachehaus, left hand
twisting the ring on the middle finger of his right, grunting with strain as he tried to
pull it off. The damn thing would not come. It would not come. He must get it off; it was
the ring that gave him flight. With it off, perhaps he could get through the window. Or it
if wasn't that one that barred him, perhaps the left index finger was the one, the ring of
invisibility. He hadn't had it off in, oh, a decade at least, but, well, there it was.
Damnation, thought Jasper, yanking with all his might, have the damned things grown roots?
In the distance, there was the baying of hounds.
Kraki clambered up an elm, out on a limb, and into a second-story
window.
"Oh, my goodness," gasped a woman's voice. "It's my
husband!"
Kraki watched with interest, one foot over the windowsill. A naked
young man exploded out of the four-poster bed, covers flying. He snatched at his clothes
and ran toward the window, colliding with Kraki. For a moment he looked as if he were
about to faint, but then steadied. "I don't believe so," he said, "not
unless your husband has somehow magically transformed into a half-naked savage with an
enormous sword. Anyhow, there's two of them."
"What?" said Kraki, and looked around. Nick was pulling his
way through the window after him. "Hallo, Nickie," he said.
A blond-curled head stuck out from between the curtains of the bed and
surveyed the scene at the window. "Oh," she said. "I heard the gong; are
they barbarian reivers, you think? Traveling by longboat far upriver to plunder the riches
of Hamsterburg?"
"Sure, doll," said Nick, eyeing her with interest.
"That's us."
Kraki drew his sword and faced the young woman's lover. "Scream
and I kill you," he said genially.
"I say," said the young man, "that's rather extreme,
don't you think?"
"Egbert," said the woman in a scared voice, "they're
going to ravish me! You must protect me!"
The young man started a bit at this and looked about, as if hoping to
spy someone else on whom he might fob off the job. "Um, yes," he said. "I
suppose. Look here, my good man, there'll be no ravishment here today. Pillaging, yes, all
right, we can put up with a bit of pillage here and there; burning, well, if you must,
although we'd really rather you didn't, you know. But rapine is right out. I'm going to be
very firm on that."
Ignoring him, Nick sat down on the woman's bed and took her hand.
"Now, now," he said soothingly. "That's not our way at all, you know. We
barbarian reivers really aren't such bad sorts, you know; we just get bad press."
"I must ask you to leave," Egbert said firmly.
"Piss off, shorty," said Nick.
Dismissing Egbert and the blonde as threats, Kraki ran lightly across
the room to its only door. He opened it a crack and peered down the hall. There seemed to
be only one person in the hallway, an elderly man in nightgown and slippers, holding a
lamp in one hand and a stick of some kindKraki guessed it to be a wandin the
other. "Be qviet," Kraki said. "Vhere is statue?"
"Statue?" said the young man, still naked, holding his
balled-up clothes in one hand. "I don't know of anyunless you mean the bronze
fawn by the koi pond."
"Oh, that thing Gerlad has been pottering about with," said
the woman dismissively, gong continuing in the distance. "I haven't the faintest idea
where it is. He's been very conspiratorial about it, heaven knows why. It's probably in
the vault. Or possibly the potting shed."
The old man in the hall had reached the door, and now spoke.
"Millicent?" he said, pushing on the door. "Are you all right? Devil knows
what's going on with this racket."
"Oik," squeaked the young man, and threw himself out the
window. There was a loud thud and a groan as he hit the ground, apparently having missed
the limb of the elm tree.
Kraki had unthinkingly resisted the old man's shove against the door,
and the oldster, now alarmed that an ajar door should not open easily, hurled himself into
it, shoulder first.
Kraki stood away. When the old man's shoulder hit the door, it resisted
not at all. The door smashed open, the old man tripping over the rug just inside and
stumbling headlong across the room. He dropped the lamp, which smashed on the floor,
spilling oil, and, arms flailing, flung his wand upward.
Unable to halt himself before staggering the full length of the room,
the old man stumbled into the knee-height windowsill and hurtled out the window.
Kraki had thought that the wand was made of wood, but it must have been
of porcelain or some similar substance. It dropped in a long arc onto the bricks of the
hearth, where, as Kraki watched, it smashed to flinders.
The magic energy contained in the wand was instantly discharged in a
brilliant, noiseless flash. Kraki had the misfortune to be looking directly toward the
actinic glare.
From outside, there was another thump and a loud "Ouch!" as
the old man hit the ground. "I say," said the old man after a moment, "very
decent of you to break my fall, Egbert."
"Ahglad to oblige," said the young man.
"Although," said the old man, voice tinged with sudden
suspicion, "how is it that I find you here, half-clad, beneath my wife's
window?"
"Vhere are lights?" said Kraki, whipping his head from side
to side. He couldn't see anything except for a large, blue orb, hanging in the darkness
before his eyes.
"You're blinded," said Nick. "The flash. Me too, I'm
afraid."
"That makes three of us," said Millicent. "Are you going
to ravish me now?"
Nick considered this. It was an attractive proposition in a way; on the
other hand, mere physical release had never interested him particularly. It was the
pursuit, and its successful conclusion that aroused him; the proof that he was found
desirable, the guilty pleasure in cuckolding other men. Actually, he found the notion of
rape rather distasteful. No, he regretfully concluded, he wasn't going to ravish the fair
Millicent. Just not his style. Besides, he really ought to stick with Kraki ...
The hand he had been holding wriggled out of his own and began to
caress his leg.
Hmm. Then again ... Nick grinned into darkness. "Ha ha," he
said. "I have you now, my lovely."
"You devil," said Millicent breathlessly, sitting up and
pressing her bosom against his chest. "I beg you, be gentle."
The gnome froze. After a moment, its nose fell off. Little clods of
dirt pattered to the lawn. G poked it with a finger; it was, she saw, no longer animate,
nothing but a vaguely humanoid pile of earth.
"This way," said Wolfe, briskly pushing through some
hydrangeas. G and the troll followed. Lights had appeared in the mansion ahead; people
were shouting, and somewhere dogs barked excitedly. G scowled, reluctant to press on as it
became increasingly obvious that their target was alerted.
Wolfe halted suddenly, wiping at her dirt-smeared face with an equally
filthy sleeve. G stumbled into her from behind. "What is it?" said G, peering
over Wolfe's shoulder.
A door at the rear of the house had opened. From it, dogs ran.
Not mere dogs, G saw; they were the size of ponies, their foreheads
low, their eyes aflame. From their massive fangs, blue fire dripped toward the ground, the
incandescent slaver burning points of black into the lushness of the lawn: hellhounds. The
animals ran toward them.
G was prepared to face almost anything, but fearsome demonic monsters
rather larger than she were low on the list. She hesitated almost a full second before
reaching for her weapons. Even that, she suspected, was a futile gesture; the beasts would
be on them in instants, would tear them to shreds, would
Would turn and tear around the corner of the house?
G blinked in astonishment. Whom were they after? Could von Grentz's
wards possibly have misread where the fence had been breached? Ormight there be a
second set of intruders? "What's going on?" G demanded.
"How the hell should I know?" said Wolfe irritably.
"Maybe we're being suckered. Maybe they decided to teach a door-to-door salesman a
lesson. Or maybe von Grentz just decided now was a nice time to play with the
doggies."
She left the cover of the hydrangeas, sprinting toward the rear of the
house. G and Chad followed, pounding across well-groomed sod. They joined Wolfe flat
against the stone wall of the building, out of sight of any door or window. Just to their
right, a stairway led downward to a cellar door. "Just a minute," said Wolfe.
She concentrated a bit and disappeared. A shadow slid under the cellar door.
"Where she go?" asked Chad nervously.
"To unlock the door from inside, I expect," said G. She, too,
felt a little anxious; they were too exposed, out here against the wall.
Sidney sprinted from the shelter of the rosebush across a bed of iris
and under a weeping hemlock. Ahead of her, cubits away yet, she saw Kraki swing from the
limb of an elm tree and onto the sill of a second-story window, Nick clambering up the
tree behind him. Of the others there was no sign, although somewhere hooted an
owlFrer Mortise?
That gong sounded again and again. Lights were going on in the mansion,
and somewhere men shouted and dogs howled.
Then an excited barking began. Around the corner of the house, a half
dozen hounds hurtled, paws eating up the sod.
Sidney yowled and leaped for a branch of the hemlock, clawing her way
high up the trunk. Below, the hounds leaped and snapped, eyes glowing brilliant red in the
darkness.
They were no mere dogs, she saw: pony-sized, eyes aflame, blue flame
flickering about their jaws. She'd never seen hellhounds in the flesh before.
One howled in frustration at its inability to climb the tree; it
tensed, holding a point, and made a curious coughing sound.
Flames roared from its mouth, up into the branches of the tree. Leaves
curled and blackened where flame touched them. Sidney felt the whiskers on one side of her
face singe, and yowled again, leaping higher into the tree.
She wondered what to do. She might turn human once again, but her
weapons, like her clothes, were back outside the fence. Treed, she thought in
self-disgust, how amateurish.
Sidney glowered at the hellhounds below. The fool creatures wouldn't
give up; they leaped and snapped at her, but she was far too high for them to get her, and
their blasts of fire merely denuded the lower branches of needles. She was safe, for the
nonce, but ...
One hellhound stood on its hind legs and reached up the trunk. It
seemed to concentrate; as Sidney watched, its claws began visibly to grow. After a moment,
it dug those now sharp claws into the tree, gave a little growl of satisfaction, and
hoisted itself upward, hind claws scrabbling until they, too, found purchase. Doggedly, it
reached higher again. Its progress was painfully slow; even with enhanced claws, it was
not designed to be a climbing creature.
A second beast was climbing now, on the trunk's opposite side. They
whined in expectation, blue-burning slaver running down the sides of their snouts, eyes
glowing hateful red in the darkness.
Sidney leapt from one branch to another, but realized she had nowhere
to go. There were other trees in the garden, but none close enough for her to reach.
Sidney gave a small, worried meow.
Frer Mortise flitted through the night air, hooting morosely. A mouse
scurried through a flowerbed, down below; he fought a powerful urge to dive, seize it in
his claws, and bite off its head with his sharp beak. He mustn't give in to such
instincts, he told himself; he had more important concerns.
Exactly what they might be, however, he couldn't quite say. He was out
of his league here and knew it, a simple hedge priest lost in the big city. His night
vision was excellent, and his height gave him a better vantage than any of the others. He
saw soldiers forming up on the house's front steps. He saw the hellhounds, clustered about
a tree. He saw Jasper's green light, motionless before a window, and von Kremnitz and
Timaeus strolling through the gar; den in leisurely fashion, as if out to sniff the night
air. And at the rear of the house, he saw what seemed to be an enormous molehill, and a
troll and a woman standing flat against the wall.
He could see a great deal, but what it all meant, and exactly what he
should do, he could not say.
IV.
Koi swam in the pond. A steady stream of water emerged from the fawn's
mouth and dripped into the pool. "Very nice," said Timaeus, strolling past and
puffing contentedly.
"Come on," said von Kremnitz. "I hear dogs."
Indeed, in the distance there was a howling.
"I've got a spell prepared," said Timaeus. "Never
fear."
They rounded a privet-more of a tree than a bush, a huge old plant
bursting with the exuberance of springand the mansion's main door came into sight.
"Hullo!" said Timaeus. A score or more of soldiers stood there; swordsmen,
mainly, though one or two held guisards, apparently a favorite weapon of von Grentz's
followers. A man with a severe haircut, barefoot but wearing a breastplate, ordered them
into some semblance of formation. And a petite woman in a red robe stood nearby, yawning
into her hand.
"Well," said Timaeus, "can't have this." He
released his prepared spell.
A fireball tumbled toward the soldiers. The red-robed woman looked up
in alarm and started to shout something, but before she could complete her spell, flames
exploded.
Thick smoke drifted across the garden, providing some cover for von
Kremnitz and Timaeus. They sprinted away, toward the corner of the house. The woman in red
was obviously a mage, and equally obviously it made no sense to remain where she had last
seen them.
Their caution was rewarded; behind them, a bolt of flames ripped a
nasty hole in the privet. "Fire mage," said Timaeus in some surprise, panting as
he ran.
"Von Grentz had one at Weintroockle, remember," said von
Kremnitz. "Where he ambushed the elves ... What the devil?"
Beasts were clustered around the weeping hemlock tree ahead of them,
peering upward into its branches. The creatures wheeled to face the approachers. They were
enormous, as high at the shoulder as von Kremnitz's chest; eyes glowed crimson in the
night.
"Hellhounds," said Timaeus. "Delay them." Gesturing
with pipe in one hand, he began to chant.
"Delay them?" said von Kremnitz incredulously, surveying the
rippling muscles, the enormous fangs, the blue fire playing about their muzzles. One of
the monsters peered upward into the hemlock tree, while three others paced toward them.
"Personally, I'm more inclined toward headlong flight."
Rather irritably, Timaeus broke off his spell. "Hellhounds are
fire-aligned," he said. "I have some power over themat least I will, if
you delay them long enough for me to complete my spell." He took up his chant again.
"Yes, very well," von Kremnitz said resignedly, drawing his
йpйe. One of the monsters suddenly ran three paces and launched itself into a leap, at
least a dozen stone of viciousness hurtling across space. Von Kremnitz ducked underneath
the hound and stabbed upward with his йpйe, ripping a line of blood down its belly. The
beast landed awkwardly, howled, spun on four legs, and charged again. Von Kremnitz turned
to face it, realizing immediately that this might be a mistake; from behind, he heard the
patter of paws as the other two hounds charged. He was surrounded.
He whirled again to face the two charging monsters, hoping the injured
one would be sufficiently delayed by its wounds that he might deal with the other two
first. Not, to be sure, that he thought he could defeat two of the beasts at once; but it
seemed his best strategy.
To his surprise, the two charging beasts separated and began to circle
him, rather than pressing home their charge. He danced about, trying to keep an eye on all
three of the monsters simultaneously; soon they halted, and glanced at one another.
Von Kremnitz realized that he was now encircled by the three, the
monsters spaced at equal distances about the circle, separated by 120 degrees each. One of
them gave a whine.
All three went into a point. Three black noses pointed directly toward
von Kremnitz, three blue-fired bodies straining.
He wondered what this portended. It didn't take long to find out: The
hounds breathed fire.
Three long tongues of blue flame darted inward. One, von Kremnitz might
dodge; two, he might duck; but three- He flung himself away. Behind, three blue flames met
and splashed out in a fireball, smaller than Timaeus's, but quite as deadly.
He stumbled, fell to the sod in a somersault, and lost his йpйe in
the lawn. That was disastrous, but at least he had not been incinerated. He sprang to his
feet, somehow retaining his dagger, and spun
By all the gods, he thought. They work better togetherthan we. The
three beasts ran around him clockwise now; it was difficult to keep track of all three at
once.
Behind, Timaeus continued his chant; von Kremnitz could almost feel
power gathering about the mage.
The wounded beast broke from the circle and lunged toward him; von
Kremnitz stabbed toward the head with his dagger and dealt it another, glancing wound-but
the effort threw him to one side. Immediately, another hound landed on his back, driving
him face down into the lawn.
He had his dagger still, but face down, hundredweights of beast on his
back, it was no use to him. Heart in throat, he flailed desperately, trying to throw off
the beast, expecting its massive fangs to crush his skull at any instant, or to lift him
by the nape of his neck and rip open his jugular but instead, there were sudden snarls.
He turned his head far enough to see two hounds faced off above him.
They seemed, he thought, to be contesting the right to administer the coup de grace. The
one on his back evidently thought that capturing him gave it that honor; the other,
injured, apparently felt its wounds entitled it to the kill.
Where was the third hound? he wondered. He turned his head to the other
side and saw Timaeus, chanting, smoke from his pipe writhing about his head in arcane
patterns. The third hound was charging directly toward the wizardand von Kremnitz
despaired. Timaeus's spell was their only forlorn hope. Von Kremnitz stared in horror as
the hound leapt toward Timaeus, the monster's fangs dripping blue fire as it opened its
mouth to rip out the unarmed wizard's throat
Timaeus leapt directly toward the charging hellhound and smashed it on
the nose with his pipe. "Bad dog!" he cried.
To von Kremnitz's astonishment, the beast cringed, put its head on the
ground between its paws, thrust up its rump, and wagged its tail from side to side in the
manner of a puppy chastised for fecal incontinence.
Timaeus had completed his spell.
He strode across the lawn toward von Kremnitz, shouting, "No! Bad
doggie!" at the two monsters that kept the swordsman pinned.
They backed away from von Kremnitz. One of the hellhounds whined
unhappily, tongue lolling between bluefired fangs.
Timaeus reached down to give von Kremnitz a hand up. "Look as if
you were having a bit of a bad spell, there," he said. "You all right, old
man?"
"Right as rain," said a white-faced von Kremnitz, trembling
slightly.
Timaeus turned back to the hellhounds, and said firmly, "Go home!
Go home! Go to kennel, d'ye hear me?"
The monsters whined and wagged their tails sluggishly, as if asking for
reprieve, but Timaeus was firm, repeating his command and pointing across the lawn. At
last they loped away, peering forlornly behind.
Only one hound remained: the one staring upward into the hemlock tree.
Von Kremnitz and Timaeus moved toward it, to finish the job; surprised, they saw that it
was not the last hound after all. Two more were well up the hemlock, climbing awkwardly
higher, snarling at something still higher in the tree.
"Go home," Timaeus said firmly to the one on the ground and,
reluctantly, it did. Timaeus turned his face upward, toward the beasts in the tree, and
shouted, "Down! Down, boy!" To von Kremnitz's eye, the creatures' gender was not
immediately apparent, but he was willing to defer to Timaeus's superior knowledge.
The beasts looked down at them. One tried to back down the tree but
lost its grip, falling onto a branch with a crack, and then heavily to the ground. The
other, seeing this, actually leapt, from at least a dozen cubits in the air,onto the lawn.
The force of its leap rocked the upper branches of the tree, and Sidney fell out with a
yowl, managing to land on her feet not far from von Kremnitz.
"I say," said Timaeus cheerfully, "it's raining cats and
dogs."
"It's Miss Stollitt," said von Kremnitz in relief. He
sheathed his dagger and tucked her under one arm.
Chad, G could see, was getting more nervous by the minute. His employer
had disappeared, they were in the midst of burglarizing the mansion of one of
Hamsterburg's most powerful men, he was exposed against the wall, that alarm continued to
ring, and from somewhere came the continued snarls and howls of the hounds. He had reason
to be nervous, G supposed.
"It'll just be a minute," she said soothingly.
And then, from off across the mansion's grounds, there came an
explosion: a flash of red light, a deep bass boom. It gave even G a start, but Chad leapt
high in the air and came down running, directly away from the mansion. G recognized the
cause of the disturbance almost immediately: Someone had cast a fireballnot a
particularly unexpected eventuality, as Wolfe had reported that von Grentz employed a fire
mage by the name of Rottwald. The fireball disturbed G less than the departure of Chad;
they needed his muscle to get the damned statue out. Before he had taken three strides, G
snatched a lead-weighted rod from her belt and spun it toward Chad's legs. The rod had its
intended effect; Chad stumbled and fell.
"Come here, you idiot," said G. "We've an amulet against
fireballs. If you're as yellow as this" Somewhat shamefacedly, Chad got to his
feet and returned to the wall. "Chad not yellow," he protested. "Chad
green. With brown splotches. See?"
G sighed. Actually, she couldn't see, not by moonlight.
The cellar door swung open at last. Wolfe stood within it. "In
here," she whispered.
"What took you so long?" G whispered, following Wolfe into
pitch darkness.
"Sorry," Wolfe whispered, off to the left. "This
way." Even after a few seconds to let her eyes adjust, G could see nothing. She
headed "this way"and walked into something, hard enough to bruise her
forehead. There was a movement in the air as whatever she had struck toppled over, then a
tremendous crash, the tinkle of glass, and a sudden strong smell of wine. Red wine,
thought G; a fullbodied one, possibly an Alcalan.
"G, you oaf," said Wolfe, in a whisper that came as close to
a shout as a whisper is capable of coming. "What the hell "
"It's pitch dark in here," protested G. "I can't see a
thing."
"I see hokay," said Chad conversationally from behind her.
"Shhh!" hissed Wolfe.
"Of course he can see okay," whispered G. "He's a troll.
And you're a shadow mage. But I've got no magic; it's black as the Dark Lord's heart in
here."
"Here," whispered Wolfe, managing somehow to imbue the
whisper with a wealth of irritation. After a moment, a wan point of light appeared in the
air before her.
By its meager illumination, G saw that they were, as she had surmised,
in a wine cellar. Wolfe wove through the wine racks toward the cellar's nether end, Chad
following. G paused briefly to look at the label on a broken bottle; it was indeed an
Alcalan, a Rive Palatine, from one of the better chateaux. She made a mental note to snag
a bottle on the way out, if it was practical.
Gerlad, Graf von Grentz, marched down the steps of his house with
martial dignity. He was nakedso he sleptbutunashamed. He exercised an hour a
day, he had the body of a man half his age, and he found nothing particularly erotic in
mere nudity. He regarded the nudity taboo, like most of the moral strictures of his
society, with contempt.
Black char marks marred the marble stairs. Wounded were sprawled across
them, a cleric moving from form to form. There was no semblance of discipline. Von Grentz
scowled.
"Magistra Rottwald," he said. "What is the meaning of
this?"
The fire mage was stooped over the body of a badly burned guisardiere,
casting a fire protection spell; it couldn't help the man avoid injury now, but it would
at least render his burns less painful until a cleric could attend him. She straightened
up and turned toward her employer. "I beg your pardon, your grace," she said.
"It appears that among our assailants is another fire mage. I was unable
to"
"Never mind that. Where is Serjeant Kunz?"
"Dead," said Rottwald, pushing back her xanthine hair.
"Where are the invaders?"
Howls, yips, and snarls came from around the side of the house.
"Over there, I presume," said the mage.
Von Grentz bit back a cutting remark. They were under attack, and these
fools hadn't the sense to find out by whom. "Every able-bodied man, to the foot of
the stairs," he bawled. Several soldiers hesitated. "Yes, you, dammit," he
said, stabbing a forger at one. He reached down and took a sword from one of the bodies.
"You too, Rottwald."
He took the steps two at a time and briefly surveyed the motley dozen
who had responded. They looked a little dazed, as well they might; their company just
suffered fifty percent casualties, half the group lying on the stairs above, dead or
wounded. But he hadn't spent hours drilling the swine for nothing. "You, you idiot;
drop that pole-arm. Draw your sword. Now listen to me, you lot. Line abreast, at a run.
Keep an eye on the man to your right, keep up with him. Drop to the ground the moment you
see someone casting a spell. Hold." He turned to Rottwald. "Magistra, prepare
and hold a defensive spell; it is likely to be a small party. We probably outnumber them
on the ground; your best use is to protect us so we may drive our attack home."
He turned back to the soldiers. "You will follow my orders with
alacrity, or you will taste the lash. Now! Follow me!"
And he sprinted, barefoot and bare elsewhere as well, across the lawn,
confident that they would indeed follow.
They had been well drilled; they did.
Somewhere out there, there had been an explosion. And more yaps and
howls, and the gods knew what else. From closer at hand came moans, pants, and gasps of
pleasure.
Kraki wondered what to do. It was foolish to wander about the mansion,
blinded as he was; how could he possibly hope to find the statue? Even if he did, he
couldn't see it, and might not even realize it was there. Still, it was equally pointless
to stand here, dithering. What did Nickie think he was doing, anyway? Yah, kill the men
and ravish the women, all very good barbarian practice, and Kraki had no particular
objection, but still, the battle was still in progress. You were supposed to slay all your
foes first, then ravish the women.
Kraki counted on his fingers, to make sure he had that right. One, kill
the men. Two, drive their cattle before you. Three, listen to the lamentation of their
women. Pillage by the numbers, it was called, and it was drilled into every barbarian from
childhood. Kraki wasn't clear on how ravishment and lamentations went together, never
actually having been part of a conquering horde, but the rules pretty clearly indicated
that you dealt with the men and the cattle before the women, in complete accordance with
therelative positions of men, cattle, and women in barbarian society. They had not, as
yet, accomplished step one or two, and Nick was obviously breaking the rules by going
straight to step three.
Hounds bayed outside the window. "Egad!" shouted a voice: the
woman's husband, Kraki thought. "Down, boy!"
"Good heavens," said another voice-the young man? "I
knew Cousin Gerlad was keen on dogs, but hellhounds seem a little-I do believe they're
coming at us, Rutherford." "Come on, you young idiot!" Rutherford shouted,
his
voice sounding almost parallel to the room now. "Up the tree,
you"
Leaves rustled desperately; a hound bayed victory from beneath the elm.
"I say," said Egbert petulantly, "those were my best hose, you brute!"
"Of all the damnable luck," said the old man. "To lose
my wand at a time like this."
Kraki was unaccustomed to indecision; he found it most uncomfortable.
Yet he could not make up his mind. It was lunacy to stay here, that much was obvious; but
should he charge into the mansion, leave by the window, or stay here to protect Nick?
Retreat was the obvious choice; but that was not acceptable. Retreat
was for cowards. Men stood and died.
"Millicent?" said Rutherford from the window, in a rather
suspicious tone. "I say, Millicent, what are you doing in there?" The sounds of
lovemaking were evidently audible to him, now that he had climbed the tree.
"Oh, crikey," said Egbert, sounding shaken. "They're
ravishing her in truth, the blackguards! You must do something, Rutherford."
"I?" said Rutherford. "I? A wizened old man such as I?
No, my boy, you're the young hero here. Up to you, I should think."
There was silence for a moment. Then Egbert said, "Millicent?
Millicent, dearest? Are you all right?"
"Go away," said Millicent shortly.
"We're busy right now," said Nick.
"What?" shouted Rutherford, voice quivering in rage. "I
say, Millicent, this is quite out of the Is that smoke, Egbert?"
Kraki sniffed at the air; there dad seem to be smoke. Something
was burning. He couldn't see any flames, though. Well, of course he couldn't see
any flames; he was blind. Rutherford had carried a lamp into the room, as well as a wand,
hadn't he? Could it have set something on fire?
"Ouch!" said Nick suddenly. "What ... ?"
"Room on fire, Nickie," said Kraki. "Maybe ve leave,
yah?"
"Hell of a time," complained Nick.
"Fire?" said Millicent in alarm. "Eeek!" There was
the sound of rustling sheets, then the patter of feet, an annoyed "Ouch!", and
the creak of a door.
"Wait!" Nick saidbut the door slammed shut. Millicent
had fled the room.
From the tree, Egbert and Rutherford argued about who should go to
Millicent's rescue. Neither seemed particularly eager to brave licking flames and heavily
muscled barbarians.
"Let's get out of here," Nick said.
"Tree or door?" asked Kraki.
"Tree," said Nick. "We've"
"That is retreat," said Kraki with finality. "Retreat is
covardice." He could hear Nick getting out of bed and moving toward the window.
"Don't be stupid, Kraki," Nick said.
"What wrong vith being stupid?" Kraki protested. "You
civilized fellas too smart by half, you ask me."
Nick snorted. "Listen, Kraki. Hear that?"
From outside came howls.
"Yah," said Kraki. "So?"
"Hellhounds," said Nick.
"Yah," said Kraki, "sure."
"You're telling me it's cowardice to leap into the midst of
ferocious, man-eating hellhounds, fell beasts of power able, so legend says, to spit
flames at their foes? Sounds pretty damn heroic to me, actually."
"Oh!" said Kraki, in relief. "Yah. Good. Thank you,
Nickie."
He ran for the windowsill and balanced briefly atop it ...
Then leaped blindly out into space, bellowing the name of his most
illustrious ancestor.
A stairway led upward from the wine cellar, but Wolfe skirted it,
heading instead for the back of the chamber. There another door stood, secured only by a
bar on the inside. Wolfe laid aside the bar, doused her magical light, opened the door,
and peered through it.
Beyond the door, a corridor led left and right; down to the left was a
lamplit room. Not much of the room was visible from this vantage. Wolfe closed the door
again and whispered to G, "Down the corridor. I'll be back in a minute."
G nodded in the darkness, trusting that Wolfe would see the gesture.
Presently, she felt that Wolfe was gone-an absence of breathing, a sense of emptiness
before her; with the door closed and the light gone, she could again see nothing.
An eternity passed. From outside the mansion came the sounds of furious
barking, animal yowls, a shout or two. G began to itch; waiting in readiness was almost
more tiring than action.
At last Wolfe was back. "There are only five," she said.
"The rest must have gone upstairs to investigate. But they're alert and itchy."
G sighed. "Let's go," she said.
Wolfe guided her hand to the latch. G withdrew it, took her crossbow
from her back, cranked it, and laid a quarrel in its groove. She tucked another quarrel
under her left arm, holding the bow in her left hand. She reached out for the latch with
her right hand, took hold of it, and said, "On the count of three. One, two,
three."
She flung open the door and hurled herself down the corridor, grabbing
the loose quarrel with her right hand. Behind her, Wolfe and Chad ran.
A helmeted man stood at the end of the corridor, half silhouetted in
the light of the room. He heard running footsteps and turned toward G. "Hey," he
began to say.
G brought up her crossbow. Running, one-handed, she squeezed the lever,
snapping off a shot.
"Who-gluuch," said the man. The quarrel hit him square in
the throat. He began to fall, hands going to the shaft.
G cranked the bow. By the time she reached the corridor entrance, she
had laid the second quarrel in its groove.
Wolfe had sketched the room for G, back in the Albertine Lodge, the
headquarters of the Ministry. She knew what to expect; in the northeast corner was a door,
leading to stairs upward. Across the room was another open corridor, leading to the vault.
One soldier stood at each, she saw. The other two sat at a table, but Wolfe had been
right; they were alert. They wore chain mail, and each had a weapon within arm's reach.
Above the table was a bell. One of the seated soldiers, a woman who had
unwisely removed her helmet, began to rise from her chair, reaching for the clapper.
G shot her. The quarrel struck just above the bridge of the nose. The
woman tumbled over backward, knocking down a chair; G suspected the missile had failed to
penetrate the nasal opening and that the woman was still alive, but she was down, at any
rate, which would do for now. G dropped her bow.
Her left hand had by now drawn a throwing star. She hurled it, neither
looking nor aiming, toward the soldier who guarded the opposite corridor. He was charging
herwhile drawing his sword, which he had not yet brought into position; the star missed
him, clanging against the stone wall, but he ducked, which threw him off stride and gave
her a little more time.
Her right hand had drawn a throwing dagger by the blade. She held it by
her right ear and took more than a second to brace herself and take careful aim. The
second soldier at the table, a boy of scarcely sixteen, was reaching for the bell. G was
impressed that so raw a lad could respond appropriately, so quickly, in a moment of mortal
danger; he had potential. She therefore hurled her dagger into his guta painful
wound that, with any luck, would put him out of action but which, if he got to a healer in
time, would neither kill nor permanently cripple him.
The soldier from the corridor opposite had now reached G and was
swinging his sword. She was out of position and could not respond quickly enough to block
the blow; she had feared this might happen, but had felt that preventing an alarm was
worth the risk. She ducked and reached up, to take the blow flat onto the ulna of her left
armno major arteries there; it might break the bone but could not inflict
life-threatening injurywhile drawing a kukri with her right hand.
Wolfe dived around G and deflected the man's blow with her Epee. His
saber passed over G's head, but hit Wolfe's lighter blade hard enough to snap it. Before
he could regain control of his weapon, G had driven her kukri under his ribs andthe
utility of a curved blade-upward through the rib cage and into his heart. She let go the
kukri, letting it fall with her foe.
Crossing her hands over her abdomen, G grasped the hilts of both her
swordsthe one at her right in her left hand, the one at her left in her right-and
drew them both with a flourish, turning toward the final soldier, the one by the door to
the stair
In time to watch the door slam behind him. Coward, she thought,
instantly launching herself into a sprint toward the door.
"No, G!" shouted Wolfe.
Reluctantly, G halted and turned. "He'll give the alarm," she
said.
"I'm not having you chasing him around the mansion," said
Wolfe. "We'll stick together; we'll just have to work fast."
"Ook," said Chad a little sadly, surveying the gore. Was he
saddened by so many deaths, G wondered, or because he'd arrived too late to join in the
fun?
Wolfe hustled out of the room and down the corridor to the vault, Chad
following. G checked the four bodies; the two older men were dead, the woman breathing but
out. The boy was motionless, feigning unconsciousness, but by his tenseness obviously in
pain and obviously alive.
G had a craftsman's sense of parsimony. She had no objection to killing
in pursuit of her objectives, but had no desire to kill unnecessarily. She gave him a
nicely calculated thump to the back of the skull, relieving him of the need to maintain
his charade.
Jasper was still pulling at his rings when he heard the boom of
Timaeus's fireball. Instantly he realized that the others must be in trouble. The shouts,
the baying hounds he had taken for the consequence of the alarm he had triggered, but the
flash and boom of a fireball must mean the others had indeed followed.
It was a disaster, he realized; a disaster caused by his own
impulsiveness. He felt hot with shame; he was supposed to be an old hand at this sort of
thing, and here ...
Well. He gave up prying at his rings and flew toward the fireball's
boom.
Timaeus and von Kremnitz, the latter carrying Sidney, walked across the
lawn. From ahead, hounds still bayed;apparently, another group of the animals continued to
harass someone else. Yes thought Timaeus; there they were, by that elm. He hadn't thought
to maintain his spell, alas, and so began working on it once again. But just as he began,
an owl swooped down and flitted around his head.
"Hoo! Hoo!" quoth the owl.
"Oh, dash it," grumbled Timaeus. "Scat, you-oh, Frer
Mortise; I didn't recognize you at first. Good, that just leaves Kraki, Nick, and
Jasp"
"Hoo! Hoo!" said the owl urgently.
"And a hoo hoo to you, too," said Timaeus. "I don't
suppose you've seen"
Frer Mortise came to a landing on a branch of a nearby tree, resumed
human form, and said, "The Graf von Grentz has rallied his soldiers, and is heading
toward you. We"
And there they came, at a run, the naked von Grentz in the lead. The
red-robed magician lagged a little behind.
Timaeus instantly switched to a different spell, spitting the syllables
of magic as fast as he was able. It was risky, spell-casting so fast; a stumble of the
tongue and the spell could have unintended, possibly lethal effects. But they had little
time before the soldiers closed.
Von Grentz halted below the elm where the hellhounds clustered. The
red-robed woman joined him, with a gesture ordering the hellhounds to line up defensively,
protecting them both. Von Grentz bawled orders; soldiers ran to encircle Timaeus and the
others.
Von Grentz happened to glance upward into the branches of the elm.
"Rutherford," he said in surprise. "What the devil are you doing up
there?"
Rutherford? Timaeus wondered, even as he worked the spell. "Who
was ... ? It hardly mattered; they were well and truly snared. There were too many
soldiers, and they were too spread out; he could not get more than three with a single
spell. And that other mage must have something up her sleeve. It all looked rather grim.
Frer Mortise had, discretion being the better part of valor, turned
back into an owl. Sidney leaped from von Kremnitz's hands into an overhanging branch. Von
Kremnitz, who had retrieved his sword after the fight with the hounds, drew it once more.
A ball of fire appeared in Timaeus's hands. He hurled it not at any of
the soldiers, but directly toward von Grentz. Kill the leader and the followers would be
more amenable; a reasonable theory, at any event.
A ball of flames tumbled through space, toward the elm. Von Grentz
faced it expressionlessly. The soldiers threw themselves flat.
The ball of flames
Fizzled.
Timaeus cursed; a ccunterspell. He should have anticipated that.
Instead ...
The soldiers picked themselves up and closed. Timaeus and the others
found themselves at the center of a ring of blades:
"You will surrender," said von Grentz, "or die."
"Surrender?" said von Kremnitz, smiling slightly. "I'm
not familiar with the word, I'm afraid. You'll have to define your terms."
Von Grentz sighed. "If you give me your word that you will provide
a full accounting of your actions and motives," he said, "I give you my word
that I shall set you free."
"How much is your word worth?" von Kremnitz asked
skeptically.
Von Grentz stiffened. He was not accustomed to having his honor
questioned so directly. "Kill" he began.
At that instant, someone above him screamed, "Gostorn
Pie-Eater!"
Von Grentz looked upward.
Jasper came in sight of von Kremnitz and Timaeus. They were ringed by
soldiers; a naked man and a redrobed woman, perhaps a mage, stood under an elm near the
Drachehaus, beneath a window from which smoke poured. The man gave off an air of command.
As he feared. The idiots had got themselves captured.
What should he do?
Blindly, Kraki plunged through space, shouting his war cry. Well before
he should have hit the ground, his left sandal hit something, sending Kraki sprawling ...
It was von Grentz. The sandal hit the nobleman full in the face,
flipping him backward; his head hit a root of the elm with a crack.
Kraki hit the earth awkwardly. In an instant he was on his feet,
flailing blindly about with his sword and bellowing, "Take that, foul vight!"
Magistra Rottwald dodged out of range of the sword.
The blade bit into the elm. "Aha!" shouted Kraki, turning to
face the tree. He began to chop at it, bellowing imprecations. Chunks of wood flew hither
and yon.
Nick pulled himself more cautiously into the branches of the elm.
Something twisted under his boot.
"I say," said Rutherford, "watch where you put your
feet, lout."
"Sorry," Nick muttered. He tilted his head from side to side;
his vision was returning, although he couldn't make out much just yet.
The soldiers stared at the body of their leader and the barbarian
chipping at the tree. Von Kremnitz took advantage of their momentary confusion to slip
under one man's blade and sink an йpйe into his stomach.
A naked woman dropped out of the elm and onto a third soldier's
shoulders. As he crumpled, Sidney clouted him in the temple with her fist and grabbed his
sword.
An owl raked at another soldier's eyes.
Timaeus began to chant a spell, well aware that one of these
sword-wielders might gut him before he could finish. But the remaining soldiers were
backing away, uncertain and confused. "The graf," one said, "he's
down"
"Feel the wrath of Kronar's son!" shouted Kraki to the elm,
chopping away.
Rottwald snapped an order to her hounds. They turned and hurtled toward
Timaeus and the others, snarling defiance.
This time, however, Timaeus had thought ahead. His spell would be too
long delayed to do much to the soldiers surrounding him; either the others could deal with
them, or they all would die. If the latter, no spell would help; if the former, the
hellhounds would be the last remaining threat.
He shouted the last Words of his spell. "Bad dog!" he
bellowed. "Down! Down! Sit!"
The charge of the hounds broke up in confusion. They halted, looking
back and forth between Rottwald and Timaeus, whining. Rottwald was already chanting
another spell, and while obviously unhappy with this turn of events, did not care to
abandon it to impress her will on the hounds.
"Sit!" Timaeus shouted again, making a sitting motion with
his hand. Reluctantly, the hounds complied.
Jasper saw Kraki plunge from the window and onto von Grentz; and
instantly he realized what he must do. Quietly, he began the Words for a spell of his own.
The soldiers would be taken aback, a little afraid to see their leader
fall; he could work on that fear.
With satisfaction, he saw von Kremnitz kill one, Sidney put another out
of action. That would increase their tension. It was a trivial matter to turn tension into
. . . terror.
The soldiers backed away, faced with an unexpected attack from those
they had thought to be prisoners.
Jasper completed his spell.
They backed awaythen turned and fled.
V.
G gaped at the vault's protection.
The end of the corridor was filled by an enormous steel contraption. It
had bars, wheels, levers, and gears, interlocking in a fashion that only a dwarven
artificer might understand without prolonged study. The steel was highly polished, every
element of thick, machined metal, the whole so evidently sturdy that it looked as if it
could outlast the city. And the complexity of the mechanism was such that G doubted the
cleverest of locksmiths, the most experienced of thieves could undo it.
Moreover, the walls of the corridor bore a number of suspicious-looking
depressions and vents. Wolfe stood before the mechanism, turning a wheel; G expected the
vents to begin to spew poison gas, or bolts of flame, at any moment. It made G nervous; a
living foe she might kill, but this thing was beyond her skills.
Wolfe gave the wheel a precise quarter turn, reached up and played a
minuet on an array of levers, and turned three dials-one clockwise, two widdershins. G
heard no sounds of tumblers clicking, no indication-save continued existence-that Wolfe
had gotten the motions right.
Wolfe fiddled with more rods, cams, and dials; after seconds that
seemed like eons, she turned the great wheel again, reversing her original rotation. And
the door swung open. G breathed relief.
"How did you do that?" she asked.
Wolfe gave her a glance. "I watched von Grentz do it, of
course," she said. G's appreciation of her talents rose several notches.
Wolfe was the first to enter the vault. She jumped as if startled, and
said, "Who . . . ," cutting the sentence short almost as soon as she began to
utter it. G peered from behind her.
A light had gone on as the door opened; a globe at the back of the room
glowed brightly green, emitting faint screams as it did. G didn't know what spell powered
it and, judging by the screams, didn't want to know. The statue was there, lying on a
table at the vault center; there were shelves and, oddly, filing cabinets; but there were
none of the heaped jewels and golden coins G had expected to see.
"The old man again," Wolfe muttered, just audibly enough for
G to hear her.
"What old man?" asked G.
"I thoughtnever mind," said Wolfe. "Trick of the
light, I suppose. Chad, come here."
The troll stepped into the vault and began to examine the statue.
Dealing with it was his problem; G took the opportunity to take a closer look at the
vault. A modest assortment of gold ingots did sit on one shelf, doing something to satisfy
her desire to see golden treasure, but filing cabinets occupied the bulk of the room.
Could von Grentz possibly value information on his enemies more greatlythan money?
"This is a great lord's treasure?" G said incredulously.
Wolfe gave her a brief look. "Money in vaults doesn't pay
interest," she said.
Of course, G thought. They'd invest the money. Probably those filing
cabinets held a good many stock certificates and otherhmm. Other negotiable
instruments. She pulled open a drawer.
"No time for that," Wolfe snapped. "Chad, can you carry
it?"
The troll was already moving about the statue, tying it in a network of
rope. G was surprised at the suppleness of his fingers as he tied the knots; trolls might
lurch clumsily, but they did not seem to be clumsy in every respect. "Yah," said
Chad. "Hard work, though. Help me get it onto floor." He took hold of Stantius's
ankles and, grunting, rotated the statue so that it lay across the table's short
dimension. Then, while G and Wolfe heaved up. on the shoulders, he tilted the feet down
until Stantius was standing atop the vault floor. Taking two heavy ropes, one over each
shoulder, he backed up to the statue, crouched down, and pulled the ropes until they were
taut. He passed the ropes through a series of loops, knotting them several times, back
around the statue, and through his harness. At last he was done. He strained upward and
forward, grunting with effort, until at last he stood erect, bearing Stantius on his back.
"Let's go," Chad said, his voice revealing more than a little strain.
They did. They left the vault door open. No one had yet returned to the
guardroom; G fretted at that, for the escaped guard should have raised the alarm by now.
Perhaps the household was still preoccupied with whatever had been going on out on the
lawn; she hoped so, for otherwise they were almost certainly walking into a trap: They
made their way back to the wine cellar at a run and maneuvered through the racks. Chad
moved awkwardly with Stantius atop his back; he knocked another wine rack down, almost
onto G, who cursed, but had the presence of mind to snatch a magnum of something as it
fell past her. A Sang du Dйmon, she saw, stuffing it into one of her cloak's voluminous
pockets. As she climbed the cellar steps onto the lawn, it banged uncomfortably against
her thighs.
Wolfe peered out into the night. The hellhounds had gone quiet, but
there were the sounds of weapons clashing, men yelling, and what sounded peculiarly like
someone chopping down a tree from their left. "Come on," said Wolfe, and loped
out toward the hydrangeas, a saber stolen from one of the dead soldiers in her hand.
G cursed; she would have preferred to reconnoiter first, but there was,
after all, something to be said for headlong speed. Chad pounded behind her, his breath
coming in gasps.
The gnome was still there, or its remnants; and there was the tunnel
lip, down which Wolfe had already disappeared. G dived into the tunnel, scrabbling through
dirt on her hands and knees. "Wait," said Chad behind her.
She paused, unable to turn in the cramped confines of the tunnel.
"What is it?"
"I can't do this," said Chad. "Statue too big. I get
stuck."
G cursed, and shouted for Wolfe. There was no response. She continued
down the tunnel, to find Wolfe already outside the fence, bending over her magic pouch,
which, as expected, no one had yet stolen. The earth mage was still there, too, talking in
his usual slow way. "Uhhhhhhhnnnnnnng," he said.
"The tunnel's too small for Chad," G said, "with the
statue on his back."
Wolfe blinked. "It's always something," she said, and dived
back into the tunnel.
G sighed; she had no desire to follow, but supposed she must.
"Cllllllle," said the earth mage.
G bent down to enter the tunnel. Uncle? What the hell was he saying
"uncle" for?
Rottwald, chanting her spell, ran full tilt toward Timaeus and von
Kremnitz. Timaeus was momentarily confused, but quickly realized what she was up to.
"Down," he yelled, slapping von Kremnitz on the shoulder.
Kraki, shouting his usual "Yah hahs!" and "Die, foul
vights!" continued to chop at the elm.
Von Kremnitz responded to Timaeus's order with alacrity; he didn't know
much about magic, but a fire mage, sprinting toward one and chanting a spell, obviously
meant trouble.
Timaeus grabbed the fringe of his cloak with both hands and hurled
himself atop von Kremnitz, spreading the garment as he did. He prayed that he and his
cloak, between them, would shelter his companion; the cloak, like all his clothes, was
fire-resistant. That was a necessity for a fire mage; elsewise, an ill-timed spell would
leave one starkers, and while the lower classes might not balk at that, a gentleman must
adhere to certain proprieties.
Mere steps from them, the woman exploded into flame. Above her, a
branch of the elm took fire. Sidney threw herself from the tree, yowling at her singed
fur.
A silent moment passed. The breeze began to dissipate the choking
smoke. Flames crackled from the Drachehaus window. Kraki had been startled by the bang,
but quickly resumed the attack against the elm. "Yah-hah!" he bellowed, sword
chunking into heartwood. "Take that, foul giant!"
"Get the hell off of me," said von Kremnitz from underneath
Timaeus.
Timaeus got gingerly to his feet; he was uninjured. But then, he'd been
at the center of a fireball's blast often enough that it no longer fazed him. "I
resent your tone," he said. "I may well have saved your life."
"Next time you save-my life, be so kind as to lose a few pounds
first," said von Kremnitz. "Whatever happened?"
"She teleported out," Timaeus said, "leaving a fireball
behind her. A sensible thing to do, with her allies gone."
With a cry of triumph, Kraki dealt the elm a final blow. While
Rutherford, Nick, and Egbert shouted in dismay, the mighty shade tree toppled away from
the Drachehaus and crashed into a bed of peonies. Von Grentz lay, unconscious and snoring,
by the stump of the fallen elm.
"Ha!" shouted Kraki, brandishing his broadsword triumphantly.
"So fare all who face the sword of Kraki! Is that you, Timaeus?"
"Yes, Kraki," said Timaeus. "Ah, there you are, Nick, my
boy. Now there's just Jasper." Nick extracted himself from the branches of the fallen
tree and joined the others. The center of his vision was still filled with bright
afterimages, but he could at least see things at the periphery.
"How do you mean?" asked Jasper, the green light whizzing
down to join them.
Sidney gave a hiss and leapt at the green light, which dodged away.
"I say, Sidney," said Jasper. "What is thewell, yes, perhaps I was a bit
rash to-I am sorry, you're quitePlease! I do not expect such language from a lady
... Yes, all right, you're not a lady, you're a cat, but I must say"
"Shut up, Sidney," said Nick, to the apparently silent cat.
"We'd better get out of here while we have the chance."
"Ho," said Kraki, wandering in their direction. "This
vill be a day of vhich the bards vill sing, eh? The day that Kraki Kronarsson slew the
giant of Drachehaus! Singlehanded, blinded that I be'
"Ah," said Timaeus, "that explains it."
"In single combat, I slew the monster. I chopped him limb from
limb"
"You've got that right," said Nick.
"And cleaved him from pate to pelvis," declared Kraki with
satisfaction. "Behold!" And he gestured toward the fallen elm with his sword,
nearly decapitating Nick in the process.
"More like from twig to taproot," said Timaeus. He took
Kraki's arm. "Come on, Kraki, O mighty slayer of elms. Aim your heroic feet this
way." He began to lead the barbarian away from the Drachehaus and toward the street.
"Vhat?" protested Kraki, as Timaeus and Nick dragged him
away. "Vhat you mean, slayer of elms?"
"What do you make of all this?" asked Egbert, as he gave
Rutherford a hand down from the branches of the fallen tree.
"Thought Gerlad was a solid sort," said Rutherford,
"but, by Dion, he can't even keep order in his own household. How he expects a man to
get a little shuteye with fireballs exploding and battles raging in the front garden, I'm
damned if II say. Here he is in the very flesh."
Rutherford had nearly stumbled over the unconscious body of Gerlad,
Graf von Grentz, lying naked by the ragged stump that was all Kraki had left of the elm.
"Cousin Gerlad," said Egbert, kneeling and shaking the graf.
"I say, old bean, do wake up."
Von Grentz's eyes opened.
"Sleeping out tonight?" said Rutherford. "Nice weather
for it."
Von Grentz sat bolt upright. "Where are-What " Dazedly,
he took in the flames licking from the window of his mansion, the elm afire. His eyes had
difficulty focusing; indeed, he was seeing double, slightly concussed from the blow to his
head. "Rottwald," he croaked, got raggedly to his feet, and staggered off toward
the front of the house.
"Nary so much as a `How are you, cousin,' " complained
Egbert.
"Well, his house is on fire," observed Rutherford.
Egbert looked up at the window. "Quite right," he said. It
occurred to him that Millicent was presumably still in the house. She was in the house,
and the house was burning. She was in the house, the house was burning; therefore, she was
in dire peril. She was in the house, the house was burning, she was in dire peril-dire
peril from which a gallant young man might rescue her. Just the thing, thought Egbert; a
gallant young man going to the rescue of his lady love, cradling her in his arms, striding
heroically from the blaze. "Umto for now, Rutherford, old man," he said,
and set off for the nearest ingress, a bottom-floor window.
Somewhat parallel thoughts had been running through Rutherford's head.
"Stop, you rakehell," he shouted, hastening after the younger man.
"All right, Chad," said Wolfe, "back out." She
turned to G. "You were right; he doesn't fit."
G had just about changed her mind again; maybe she would kill Wolfe
after all. "You think I make these things up for the hell of it?" she snarled.
"Of course I was right."
"What do we do?" asked Chad.
"Dig out the hole," said G.
"Right," said Wolfe. "With what shovel?"
"Hands, I guess," said G.
Wolfe snorted. "Take us forever," she said. "Chad, take
off the statue."
Chad obliged, more than happy to shed the burden. Wolfe examined the
statue, and Chad's ropes, with interest. "Will that cable pull the statue?" she
asked.
"It's heavy enough," said Chad. "Double it up to be
sure."
Wolfe nodded. "Good," she said. "Unknot some, a
longenough length to run through the tunnel, with, oh, twenty cubits to spare. Is there
enough rope?"
Chad blinked, slow mind puzzling over the request. "Yah," he
said.
"We going to pull it through?" asked G.
"Something like that," said Wolfe. As soon as the rope was
ready, she grabbed it and crawled back down the tunnel.
G sighed. "I wish she'd tell us what the hell she's going to
do," she said.
"Soldiers!" said Chad in a sudden panic. He pointed at
something behind her back and crouched down, looking as if unsure whether to flee in panic
or to dig a hole to hide in. "Bad men kill Chad! Save Chad, G!"
G whirled, hands going to her weapons. Ambling toward them was an old
woman, holding an oil lamp over her head with one hand, the other hand bearing a hoe. She
was clad in heavy canvas trousers and clogs, and mumbling something toothlessly.
". . . three yearsh before the bloody privet willWho the
devil are ye?" she demanded.
"Kill her, G," whined Chad, groveling in the dirt with fear.
"Kill her!"
"You're a disgrace to your species," said G. She turned to
the old woman and said, in a soothing tone, "We're just leaving."
"Well, leave, then, by damn," said the old woman. "Not a
raise in pay in eighteen yearsh, and the bashtard fightsh a bloody war amid me damned
peoniesh! Bigodsh, and here'sh a molehill the shize o' Mount Cernitash. Finish yer damned
business and get out, shay L" She turned and wandered back toward the shed.
"She'll bring soldiers!" whined Chad.
"Oh, shut up," said G. "She's just the gardener.
Harmless enough."
"G!" came a low voice from the cast-iron fence.
"What is it, Wolfe?" asked G.
"Shove the statue up to the mouth of the tunnel, and get the hell
out of there," said Wolfe.
"Coming, darling," said G. "Give me a hand, Chad."
When they crawled out of the tunnel, they found the hansom cab and a
rather confused driver standing in the street.
"... d'ye mean, ye'll go back now?" the driver was saying.
"Ye just got here, ma'am."
"Nevertheless," Wolfe insisted, "we wish to return to
the Albertine Lodge."
"Whhhhhhhaaaaaaat'sssssss," said the earth mage.
"Not like that," said the driver. "Ye're all covered
with muck. I shan't have ye smearing it about in me cab."
"We'll recompense you for that," said Wolfe soothingly.
"Here, Chad, give me a hand."
"Goooooooiiiiiiinnnnnnng," said the earth mage.
"What you want Chad do?" asked the troll.
"Tie these ropes to the axle of the carriage," Wolfe ordered,
which Chad began to do.
"Now what's this?" demanded the driver. "If ye damage
the vehicle"
Wolfe sighed. "Look here," she said. "Just shut up and
do as we say, and I'll pay you ten pounds argentum."
The driver sat bolt upright. "It's not illegal, is it?
madam?" he quavered. "Me license"
"The Ministry will answer for any irregularities," Wolfe said
soothingly.
"Ten pounds?" demanded G. "Isn't that"
"I'm under budget," Wolfe said, practically snarling.
"Get in." G did.
"Ooooooonnnnnnn?" said the earth mage.
"Chad done," announced the troll.
"Good," said Wolfe, climbing into the cab. "You get in,
too."
Chad began to do so, then hesitated. "What about him?" he
asked, gesturing toward the wizard, who was only now, rather confusedly, registering the
hansom cab's reappearance.
"Throw him in," said Wolfe, which Chad proceeded to do,
bodily picking up the wizard and tossing him into the hansom.
"Now," said Wolfe, sticking her head out a window to talk to
the driver. "On the count of three, gallop like the wind."
"Yes, ma'am," said the driver respectfully, touching the brim
of his top hat.
Wolfe counted to three. The hansom set into motion, jolting its riders.
The horses had just attained a gallop when there was another jolt-the ropes going taut,
yanking on the axle.
The cab skittered from side to side, wheels running up against the curb
and striking sparks, as its momentum drew the statue through the tunnel. Finally, the
statue was free, bouncing off the cobblestones behind them with a noise like Fithold, the
god of the forge, whanging on his celestial anvil.
G, who had stuck out her head to watch the statue bounding along
behind, pulled back into the cab. "Won't it be damaged?" she asked.
"It's made of athenor," Wolfe said. "Isn't much in the
world that can damage it."
G mulled that over. "People on our route aren't going to get much
sleep tonight," she said. "Discreet it isn't."
"Stantz didn't tell me to be discreet," said Wolfe
illtemperedly. "He just told me to get the statue. Well, there it damned well
is."
Timaeus stood by the ragged hole he'd cut in the fence, and took
Kraki's hand. "Step up, now, there's a good fellow," he said to the barbarian.
Kraki picked up one foot and moved it cautiously forward, the toe of his sandal touching
an iron bar; he raised the sandal higher, found the hole, and stepped awkwardly through.
"Are ve outside?" he asked.
"Yes," said Timaeus, offering a hand to Nick. Sidney had
already darted through the bars, had resumed human form, and was now donning her clothes,
which, miraculously, had not been stolen in her absence. Von Kremnitz was next in line.
"Brother," said Timaeus to Mortise, as the cleric also took
on human shape, "can you do something about Kraki's blindness?"
"Yes, perhaps," said Mortise, "but I believe the
condition is temporary. Anyhow, I don't recommend hanging about; perhaps we should retire
to the pension."
"The Maiorkest is closer," said von Kremnitz.
"What good would going there do?" asked Timaeus. "We've
no hard evidence to offer the Lord Mayor."
"Quite so," agreed Jasper. "We'll have to try again,
this time with a little planning. Actually, it's astounding we're all in one piece; on the
whole, we've been quite lucky."
"If you call it luck," snarled Sidney, "you
half-wit."
"Now, Sidney," said Jasper.
"Save the recriminations for later, babe," said Nick.
"The padre's right; let's get out of here."
"Babe?" said Sidney incredulously. "If anyone's behavior
is infantile, Pratchitt, it's"
"Oh, please," said Timaeus tiredly. "I've had quite
enough for one evening, and the pension is a good mile from here. This way, I think."
Jasper flitted on ahead, embarrassedly avoiding further conversation.
Timaeus and the others followed, more sedately.
Clang! A noise resounded from all around, a noise like sheet metal
falling on rock from an enormous height. Clang! There it was again.
They turned toward the sound. A hansom cab careened around the corner,
horses at gallop, metal-clad wheels rumbling over cobblestones. Clang!
It tore past, horses alather, the coachman whipping them on. From
inside, an alert-looking middle-aged woman, hair close-cropped in the manner of a soldier,
peered out. The carriage passed.
Behind the passenger cabin was a platform where trunks and luggage were
often tied. There an old man precariously sat, clutching the brass luggage rack for dear
life. As he passed, he gave them a toothless grin, and risked taking one hand from the
rack long enough to send them a cheerful wave.
A statue trailed the carriage, strung behind on sturdy cable. It flew
through the air, fell toward the cobblestones with a
Clang!
and bounded into flight once more.
The carriage, and its curious appendage, passed.
Timaeus gaped after it. "I say," he said. "Wasn't that
our"
Sidney was already charging down the street, waving her sword and
shouting, "Stop thief!"
"I like that," said Nick. "Pot calling the
kettle"
"I'll trail them, shall I?" said Jasper gaily, as if glad of
an opportunity to redeem himself. The green light zipped in pursuit.
Stauer had found them a cold roast squab, some ham, pickled vegetables
and mustard, and an undistinguished vin ordinaire; they lounged about the sitting
room of their suite in the Pension Scholari, in poses indicating varying degrees of
exhaustion. Kraki sprawled across a chaise longue, mouth open and snoring; Nick sat at a
writing table, scribbling feverishly at something by the light of a candle, yawning from
time to time and sipping his wine.
Sidney sat on the edge of her chair, gnawing on a leg of squab.
Transformation took quite a lot out of her; she was generally ravenous afterward, and this
time was no exception. "What I say," she told Timaeus, "is that you're a
damned optimist if you think we'll ever see Jasper again."
"Oh, come, my dear," said Timaeus, lying well back in the
soft pillows of the couch, a pickled onion in one hand and a glass of wine in the other.
"He is Magister Mentis, after all, and more or less invisible to boot. If
anyone is well suited to tailing the people who absconded with our statue, it is he."
Sidney snorted. "He's well suited to acting the fool," she
said. "If he hadn't flown over that fence"
"Then the statue would have been stolen from von Grentz, and we'd
be none the wiser," von Kremnitz pointed out. The leftenant sat on a pillow on the
floor, his scabbard poking rather awkwardly into the rug, a plate balanced atop his
crossed legs.
"Perhaps," said Sidney. "However"
"Who do you think has it?" asked Frer Mortise. He squinted
even in the dim light of the candles, his pupils enormously wide.
"Another of Hamsterburg's uncountably numerous factions, I
expect," said Timaeus. "Don't suppose you recognized them, Leftenant?"
"No, I'm afraid not," said von Kremnitz. "If Sir Jasper
doesn't turn anything up, I'll go to the Maiorkest tomorrow morning; perhaps the Lord
Mayor will have heard something."
Sidney cleared her throat. "I think I recognized one of
them," she said.
Timaelus raised and eyebrow. "Mmm?"
"The old man who waved at us," Sidney said. "Didn't he
look familiar to you?"
Timaeus blinked. "Well, they were moving rather fast," he
said apologetically. "I'm afraid I didn't"
"I think it was Vic," said Sidney.
Timaeus sat up sharply. "Vic?" he said. "Are you
sure?"
"No, I'm not sure," said Sidney with irritation.
"But"
"Good heavens, what does this mean?" said Timaeus.
"Suppose it is Vic. Does he want those people to have it? Is he testing us?
Why did he disappear? What the devil is afoot?"
Sidney shrugged. Timaeus looked at Mortise, then at von Kremnitz, but
realized that neither of them had met Vincianus, and wouldn't have recognized him under
the best of circumstances. However"
"Nick," he said, turning toward Pratchitt, who was sitting
back in his chair and reading a piece of paper with a maniacal grin on his face. "Did
youwhat have you got there?"
Nick stood up and turned toward his companions. "Just this,"
he said. He adopted a declamatory pose, and read:
the saga of kraki elm-slayer
"sing now of kraki, he aptly named.
sing of the deed that gave him his fame.
"with brave companions, he raided the dragon.
house of a kingling in far southern lands.
took he his blade, heavy as mountains,
raised it on hish with his michty hands.
"blinded was he by untimely magic
could not espy the mien of his foes.
was he thereby deterred from attackinc,
streakйd with yellow as the saying goes?
"nay, never kraki leapt from the buiding,
shouting the name of his famous forebear,
Gostorn gaptoothйd, famous for eating
eater of apricot, apple, and pear.
"swung he his weapono. mighty swinging!
felt blade strike hard in the flesh of his foe.
yanked forth the weapon, whacked again fiercely.
shouted his triumph like this: 'ho ho ho!'
"never did man behold such a Giant
as kraki did strive with that glorious night
dozens of cubits rose his opponent
many its limbs striking out in the fight.
" 'ye shall be cloven,' swore our brave kraki,
'I shall bisect ye from tuchus to tкte.
'swung he a last timeo michty swinging!
so michty a stroke there never was yet.
"down crashed the enemy limbs flailing blimly,
crashed into flowers that lay all asout.
round kraki gathered his brave companions
awed and in reverence, Led kraki out.
" 'ho,' boasted kraki, 'I have slain giants!
those who are foemen better take care.'
'yes, kraki, certainly', said his companions.'
henceforth we know ye as kraki elm-slayer.
" 'slew ye the elm, battled it michtily,
clove it in twain from taproot to twig.
heroic the deed, as we deem it, certainly,
never did we see a tree that's so big.'
"so let all hail kraki, kraki elm-stayer,
mighty tree-battler, scource of the wood.
in all of our history never has there been
such a great hero, one half as goos.
"so hear me, children: if ye would be like him,
eat up your vegetables as all children should."
In the course of this recitation, Kraki had woken up, and now sat on
the sofa, head between his knees. As Nick finished, he looked up and said, "Good
thing poetry so bad, Nickie, or I have to kill you." He lay back down and turned over
as if to go to sleep.
"Poetry so bad!" Nick protested. "What do you mean, poetry so bad? You
wouldn't know good poetry if"
"Scansion hokay," grunted Kraki. "No alliteration."
Nick blinked. "No alliteration?" he said. "So what?"
Kraki looked up. "Vhat you mean, so vhat? Vhat are you, some kind of modernist? Of
course poetry must alliterate, so bard can memorize lines easier, resound in the souls of
the listeners."
"But it rhymes!" protested Nick.
"Rhymes, shmymes," said Kraki, shrugging into the cushion.
"Rhyming for sissies. Nobody in northland listen to newfangled rhyming stuff. Thank
the gods, or I be chucklingstock of northland."
"Laughingstock," said Nick automatically.
"I'd suggest you stop arguing, Nick," said Timaeus, standing
up and stretching. "If you persuade him of the virtues of modern poetical forms,
he'll feel compelled to murder you."
"Yeah, okay," said Nick. "What did you think"
But Timaeus had already closed the door of his bedroom behind him.
Nick turned to the others, but they, likewise, were going to their
rest.
He went to the window and peered out it a moment, but there was nought
to be seen but the glint of moonlight on cobbles, and chimney pots sticking up from
distant roofs. The streets were silent, without birdsong, or insect noise, or the hubbub
of humanity to bring them life. Nick sighed and tossed off the lees of his wine, and he,
too, turned toward his room and sleep.
VI.
Nick Pratchitt was awakened by distant bangs, the shouts of men,
running feet in the street. Groggily he sat up, went to the window of his room, and peered
outside. The aperture gave out on an alley; he could see only a slice of street at its
end, and nothing untoward there. So he left for the sitting room, and threw back the
curtains shielding the French doors.
Somewhere, off across the city, a tendril of black smoke rose skyward;
a major fire of some kind. Not far off, in a major avenueNick was still
insufficiently familiar with Hamsterburg, and did not know its namea barricade rose.
It was hastily made, of furniture, bits of wood, sandbags-of whatever materials,
apparently, the builders could find. About and atop it swarmed men and women in leather
aprons, some shouting orders to others below.
Elsewhere, people had gathered to listen to orators, while other folk
ran through the streets, some with piles of possessions on their backs or in hand-drawn
carts.
A bang from behind Nick's shoulder startled him; he very nearly leapt
from the balcony. "So it's happened," said Timaeus, puffing on his first bowlful
of the morning. The wizard was barefoot, wearing a crimson robe.
"Dammit, Timaeus," said Nick. "Give a guy some warning
when you light your pipe, will you?"
"Vhat's happened?" said Kraki groggily. He had been sleeping
on the chaise longue in the sitting room, but voices, and Timaeus's explosion, had woken
him.
"Look thither," said Timaeus, gesturing toward the barricade
with his pipe.
Kraki peered outward. "They build a vall," he said. "The
city is invaded?"
"No," said Nick. "There's an uprising. Something's
happened; we knew the city was on edge already . . ."
Von Kremnitz, naked to the waist, peered over Kraki's shoulder, cursing
steadily. He moved swiftly to the bellpull and gave it a yank. "Stauer will know
something," he said. "Ye gods, it's the ninth hour; we have overslept."
"Has anyone seen Jasper?" asked Sidney, entering from her
bedroom.
"Not as such," said Timaeus, "but there's something
green on his bed." He shared a room with the mentalist.
Sidney headed toward their bedroom, with the obvious intention of
waking Jasper. While she was gone, there was a knock at the door. Nick opened it.
Stauer stood in the hall, looking more than slightly worried.
"Good morning, messieurs et madame," he said. "Please accept my
profoundest apologies, but we will not have fresh eggs today; the city is in disorder, and
our usual deliveries"
"Never mind that," said von Kremnitz peremptorily. "What
is the news?"
"Oh, my lord," said Stauer sadly, "they say that the
Lord Mayor is dead."
"What!" shouted von Kremnitz. "How did it happen?"
"Not a mark was found on him, so the rumors say; he lay in his
chamber, contorted in terror. A spell, perhaps, or some rare poisonbut the streets
are in chaos. Half the city says the Spider slew him; the Accommodationists are rising,
and others assembling to oppose. They say there are armies outside the city,
that"
"Who builds that barricade, over to the east?" asked Timaeus.
"Sir?" said Stauer, blinking rapidly. "Ahmay I
come in?"
Nick moved out of the door to permit Stauer entry. Stauer went to the
French doors, put his pince-nez to the bridge of his nose, and peered out. "Ah, in
the Tetrine Way," he said. "Masons, by their garb."
"And their faction?" asked Timaeus.
"Their guild supported Siebert strongly," said von Kremnitz.
"Most of the guilds did; one of his few sources of support."
"Without power on the Council," said Stauer dismissively.
"Or in the Gentes," agreed von Kremnitz. "What
are they up to?" Nick asked.
Stauer shrugged. "I suppose you'd have to ask them," he said.
"Resisting the Accommodationists, I would assume."
"Fine," said Nick. "Dandy. So the statue is gods know
where, in a city in the throes of revolution. Tell you what, let's all go join a religious
order; the Josemites, perhaps. We can spend the rest of our lives hoeing vegetables and
flailing ourselves with leather thongs."
"There, there, lad," said Jasper, whizzing into the room.
"Fear not. Even in these dark hours"
"Just tell them," said Sidney dangerously, following him from
the bedroom.
"Yes, yes, of course, my dear," said Jasper. "You will
cast your minds back to the events of last night, please. Asyou recall, I departed your
company in hot pursuit of the statue-nabbers. I followed them, aloft"
"Excuse me, Jasper," said Timaeus.
"Yes, what is it?" said Jasper, irritated at the
interruption.
"Miss Stollitt has expressed strong feelings, on prior occasions,
on the subject of discretion," said Timaeus, rather stiffly. He nodded meaningfully
in the direction of Stauer, who looked suspiciously back through his pince-nez.
"Ah-no fresh eggs;" said von Kremnitz, after an awkward
pause, "but can hotcakes be prepared?"
"Yes," allowed Stauer. "Precisely what I was going to
suggest. If you will forgive the intrusion-ahmay I ask whether your plans are likely
to offer harm, or attract untoward attention, to my establishment?"
"No, sir," said Timaeus. "I do not believe so."
Stauer sighed, apparently rather frustrated to be excluded from their
confidence. "It is my strongest belief," he said in a low voice, "that a
host should respect his guests' privacy. I shall therefore depart, upon this
assurance." He made for the door, turning at the lintel, and said, "I'll send a
girl up with your pent dйjeuner momentarily. Coffee?"
"Tea," said Timaeus.
Stauer shivered delicately; Hamsterians considered tea rather effete,
though it was the preferred morning quaff of Urf Durfal. "If you wish," he said.
And he closed the door quietly after him.
"I like your man Stauer," Jasper told von Kremnitz.
"It is a good establishment," said von Kremnitz. "Now,
then; what did you learn?"
"I pursued the hansom through the winding streets of the
city," said Jasper, "flying at a sufficient height above the vehicle that the
occupants did not suspect my presence. Seeing no reason to waste the time spent en
route, I essayed a number of spells in an effort to read the thoughts of the
occupants of the cab."
"Yes, yes," said Timaeus. "Get to the point,
please."
"Testy this morning, what, d'Asperge?" said Jasper. "I
shall tell the tale in my own fashion, and at my own pace, if you please."
"I don't please," muttered Timaeus.
"Nonetheless," said Jasper. "Alas, my spells proved
fruitless; I was able to discover that the driver was a Luigi Amato, of Seventy-six
Slobinstrasse, a member of the Hauliers' Guilda mere hireling. The cab was occupied
by three others: a troll and two women. One of the women wore an amulet against scrying; I
was unable to read her at all, and knew she was there only from the perceptions of the
others. The other woman had been complexly trainedand, I believe, programmed under
hypnosis-so that I was unable to read anything other than the most cursory, fleeting
thoughts. She thinks of herself as G. The troll's surface thoughts were in the creature's
barbarous native tongue, with which, alas, I am not familiar; I was able to determine that
he spent the bulk of the trip in a reverie, thinking of his plans for the rest of the
night, which seemed to involve a substantial quantity of ale and a lady troll. Not much
help there.
"I did, however, manage to overhear part of the women's
conversation, which was unguarded. G's companion was named Wolfe"
"Renee Wolfe?" asked von Kremnitz sharply.
"I didn't get the first name," said Jasper apologetically.
"They went directly to a large building of rather unusual architecturestucco
and exposed beams, the sort of thing one expects in country chateaux. The building itself
was warded, and I thought it best not to enter, but scouted about until I found a
late-night pedestrian, who thought of it as the Albertine Lodge"
"Stantz," said von Kremnitz.
"Eh?" said Jasper.
"The Albertine Lodge is the headquarters of the Ministry of
Internal Serenity; the minister is Guismundo Stantz."
"The Spider," said Timaeus.
"Yes," said von Kremnitz. "The man who may well have
assassinated my master. Renee Wolfe is his woman."
"His paramour?" said Timaeus, in some surprise; it was
difficult to think of the dreaded Spider as a man with lusts like any other.
Von Kremnitz snorted. "No, no; his employee."
They mulled over that for a moment.
"You think he killed Siebert?" asked Timaeus.
Von Kremnitz sighed. "I don't know what to think," he said.
"The common opinion holds that Stantz tried to assassinate the Lord Mayor before,
killing Julio von Krautz by mistake; Siebert himself believed otherwise, that Gerlad von
Grentz killed von Krautz, and then tried to pin the blame on Minister Stantz."
He paced for a while between the chaise longue and couch. The others
watched him.
"If Stantz were in truth allied with my lord," he muttered,
"then Stantz would want to free the statue from von Grentz; but if Stantz were an
enemy, he would want the statue anyway, to bolster the position of whomever he
supportsach, I cannot decipher it."
"Does it matter?" asked Timaeus gently. "Siebert is
dead; does it matter whether Stantz betrayed him? Either way, he has the statue."
"It matters to me!" shouted von Kremnitz in rage. "If he
betrayed my lord, he shall die."
"Well spoken, lad," said Jasper, voice thick with emotion.
Timaeus snorted. "You, raw youth, provincial swordsman; you shall
kill the Spider? The Spider, whose web spans all the human lands, whose agents are
everywhere? Whose dungeons are legend, who has outlasted ten lord mayors?"
"Aye," said von Kremnitz, his aquiline nose in noble pose,
"I shall."
"And we shall aid you," said Jasper warmly.
"Oh shut up, .you unbearable idiot!" shouted Timaeus.
"Bad enough you go gallivanting off into von Grentz's backyard, triggering every
alarm in creation; now you want to"
"To aid a brave young man in his quest against villainy,"
said Jasper severely. "A young man, need I say, who has offered us every assistance;
a young man of unstained escutcheon; a young man who aided us when we were in peril."
Timaeus was turning dangerously red.
"Thank you, Sir Jasper," said von Kremnitz, warmly. "If,
in truth, Stantz is the villain of the piece" "Jasper, dear," said
Sidney dangerously, "you really
can't commit us, you know. We're on a quest; we can't rescue every
treed cat and help every old lady across the street."
"Bosh!" said Jasper. "This is no such trivial affair.
And as we are heroes, so we must act heroically."
"Yah!" said Kraki. "Topple empires, slay foemen by the
score, slaughter vast monsters and foul beasts!"
"Um, yes, thank you, Kraki," said Jasper. "If we refuse
to aid those in need, shall not the gods turn deaf ears to our pleas, when we ourselves
need aid?"
"Economy of resources," said Nick economically.
"Magna est veritas, et praevalebit, " countered Jasper.
"If Stantz slew Siebert, he is no more than a murderer; and the truth will out."
"Omnia vincit amor, " said Timaeus in disgust. "Magna
est veritas ... Whoever taught you the Imperial tongue did us no favor. And argument
does not proceed by aphorism."
"Again, sir," said Jasper severely, "I am astonished at
your. lack of feeling"
"Wait, wait, wait," said Nick. "Look. Let's not argue
about this; okay? Stantz has the statue, we know that; we've got to get it back. Maybe he
killed Siebert; maybe not. Maybe, in the process of getting the statue, we'll find
outand we can worry about what to do about it then."
"Right," said Sidney. "The important thing is to figure
out how to get into the Albertine Lodge."
"Oh, I can get you in, all right," said von Kremnitz.
"It's getting out that's the problem."
" 'Allo?" said a voice from the door. "I ' ave your '
otcakes, messieurs et madame."
Von Kremnitz led the way, as he knew Hamsterburg best; his hand was at
his pommel, for while it would not do to walk the streets with naked blade, still the
uneasiness of the city had infected them all. Jasper flew behind and above, height giving
him a view of the path ahead. Kraki strode at the rear, to deter attack from that
direction, while Nick and Sidney flanked Timaeus and Frer Mortise, protecting their
spell-casters.
Folk scurried about, most hugging the sides of the street. Shopkeepers
stood in the doors or windows of their shops, not yet closing up, for some were doing a
brisk business, in food and the kinds of goods one might need to survive for several days
of chaos. Still, they looked worried, and most carried weapons prominently, to indicate
their willingness to defend their property. Some had gone so far as to hire some of the
neighborhood bully-boys, both to provide muscle against looters and to occupy the people
most likely to loot. Sidney saw that with cynicism; a few pence from a shopkeeper would
not deter such as they, not if windows started breaking.
Down the center of the street marched a group of men and women,
surrounding a man in costly dress: a nobleman and his clientsa common sight
on the streets of the city, but uncommon to see them all armed. The folk gave them a wide
berth; von Kremnitz led his companions to the side of the street to do likewise.
After a time, they passed into a rougher neighborhood; ahead, a
barricade loomed. Von Kremnitz called a halt, asked Jasper to fly upward to reconnoiter,
then decided that detouring was more trouble than it was worth. He walked on ahead, toward
the barricade-for all of them to go was to risk having the defenders decide this was an
attack-and called upward, to the doughty workingmen and kerchiefed women who perched
there, "We seek passage."
"An' who d'ye be?" demanded a mustachioed man, naked to the
waist and tattooed with a spur on one shouldera former cuirassier, for the spur was
the symbol of the Heavy Brigade.
Von Kremnitz considered; to declare his regimental allegiance might
give offense-no love lost between the cavalry and the Mayoral Foot-yet it would be
dishonorable to offer a lie. "Pablo von Kremnitz," he said, "of
Meersteinmetz; and my companions, foreigners."
"And what d' ye desire?"
"Merely passage," von Kremnitz replied.
The man looked worried; no doubt he saw Jasper flitting above, and
could see that the group he faced had magic. "The borough of Einhoch is a poor
one," he said. "We seek only to defend our homes; we do.not wish to fight ye,
but have no desire to see armed men traipsing about our streets."
"I give you my word," said von Kremnitz. "We shall offer
no harm to any in Einhoch, nor tarry, but travel expeditiously through."
"Your word?" said the tattooed man skeptically. "That
an' tuppence' ll buy ye pastry."
Von Kremnitz instantly drew his blade. The heads oftwo women appeared
over the barricade; they bore crossbows, with quarrels against the string. "You doubt
my word?" the leftenant said angrily. "You have not the manners of a swineherd,
you refuse! Come down here and face me, or you are no gentleman!"
The tattooed man snorted laughter. "Aye, true enough," he
said. "No gentleman I. And ye must be a true cavalier indeed, to offer me harm beyond
the support of your companions, me with numbers and fortification; no one but an honest
gentleman would be so daft. Very well, then, give me your word, and ye may pass."
Von Kremnitz waved the others forward; they came, and clambered over
the barricade-timbers from ruined buildings, with plaster still adhering; bricks and
cobblestones, rickety furniture and broken barrels-under the mistrustful eyes of
labor-stooped slum-dwellers and mighty-thewed washerwomen. The tattooed man, who seemed in
command by virtue of his military past, dispatched a walleyed youth to guide them-and, no
doubt, to report if they should break their undertaking. And then they strode through the
sad streets of Einhoch, raw sewage in the street centers and dilapidated buildings
slumping into each other, roofs at uneven angles, heaps of trash in every alley, until
they came to its nether end and a second barricade. The youth conferred briefly with a
commander there, and they were escorted over this obstacle, too.
They found themselves at the foot of a bridge over a narrow canal; and
beyond it, once more in a commercial area, the shops somewhat grander here, and many
already shuttered.
They strode up the street, doing their best to avoid the occasional
armed parties, until
Off, off in the distance, they heard a sound: A rhythm, repeated.
Bombombombom. Dumdumdadum. One syllable; then three. Over. And over. And over.
It was a crowd; not so much a crowd as a mob, the voices of a thousand,
ten thousand, raised in unison. A mile away, they could hear the beat, though the words
were impossible to distinguish.
They quailed momentarily, and glanced at each other with unease and
awe, but yonder lay the Albertine Lodge, and therein Stantius; and there they must go.
Onward they went.
The volume rose as they progressed. Onward, at the end of the avenue,
they could see a crowd of people, and around it a mist of others, wandering into the crowd
and out of it, the tightly packed mass of the mob thinning out at its fringes. The mob
swayed this way and that, swirling in chaotic motion like a fog, the brightly colored
clothes of one person showing briefly against the drabber garb of the rest, moving across
the crowd and then merging somewhere into its depths; random motion, like that of leaves
in a gale, the purposefulness of individual action merged into insensate chaos. Vowels and
aspirated consonants are more easily perceived than other sounds; a few blocks away, they
began to discern the sounds: "Shtahnur-ur-ur. Shtahnur-ur-ur.
Shtahnur-ur-ur."
They were in the fringes of the mob now, almost instinctively moving
together, preserving their unity as a party amid the vast collectivity beginning to form
about them. That collectivity was not universal; away from the mob came some folk, those
spooked by how individual consciousness merged into vast, unreasoning union, or leaving to
tend to other matters. And toward the mob came others, drawn by that roar, drawn by the
rumors that washed across the city, drawn by the promise of violence or the thrill of
participation, drawn by who knows what instinct or what compulsion: drawn toward one of
the moments when individual futility becomes, for better or for worse, a moment of
collective destiny.
They were amid the crowd now. Even here, with weeping men and bellowing
women all about, with bannerswaving and fists shaking, with people pressing leaflets into
their hands, it was difficult to make out exactly what they shouted. One beat; then three.
One; three.
"Stantz! Murderer! Stantz! Murderer! Stantz! Murderer!"
They screamed it toward the Albertine Lodge, across the square.
Albertus Square: where the Tetrine Way merges with the Avenue of
Regret, en route to the Eastern Gate. At its center was the Fountain of Albertus,
where a statue of the pudgy former mayor flung coins of watera clever mechanism,
thatinto the pool, to figures of the poor and hungry, standing in poses indicating
thankfulness. Albertus had been legendary for his generosity, but the mob paid him, and
the kinder and simpler Hamsterburg he represented, no heed. A thousand, ten thousand,
perhaps many morea measurable percentage of the population of the urbsthey
swirled about the fountain, carpeting the cobblestones, packed dangerously close.
There were flags and banners, hastily made; there were orators, screaming imprecations to
folk who could not possibly hear them against the roar of the mob; there were red faces,
tears, angry men.
Across the square, the Lodge: built by Albertus himself, in a peculiar
vision of urban rusticity. Its timbers were rough-hewn, whole pine trees; its walls,
stucco; its steeply pitched roof, shingle. It had the aspect of a mountain lodge, but it
was enormous, occupying a block entire, roomy enough for a mayor's mansion, as it had
been, roomy enough to house the whole Ministry of Internal Serenity, with its voluminous
files and its innumerable clerks, its vast apparat of spies.
The Albertine Lodge had- never been defended in battle; it had not been
designed for such, and its innumerable windows made it essentially indefensible. The
predecessors of Stantz had no fears on that score, for they had seen the Ministry merely
as a way for the Lord Mayor to keep tabs on his obstreperous nobility, no more than that;
and Stantz had never seen fit to move quarters to a more defensible site, for he would
have taken this, a mob at his very gate, for a clear indication of failure in his
selfappointed mission. Yet, around it a thin line of defenders attempted exactly this
task: the Serenissima.
For Internal Serenity maintained the Republic's
communicationsscrying crystals, stables for the horse-borne express, the semaphore
telegraph: It delivered the Lord Mayor's diplomatic missives, the vital orders of his
bureaucrats. And these required defenders: the Serenissima, the Most Serene.
There were not many, here; a few score, perhaps a century. It was a
credit to their esprit de corps that they continued to face this mob, shield to
shield, pikes held aslant, a few dozen men pressing out against this vast morass of
humanity.
If the mob chose to move, they would be trampled underfoot in seconds.
So, too, would many of the mob; but mobs do not pause to make such
calculations.
"Stantz! Murderer! Stantz! Murderer!" rose the cry.
Men and women wept for their martyred lord; for the first mayor in
centuries who had tried to curb the excesses of the gens, to restore the privileges
of the populus. If Hamish Siebert had never been more than reviled among the
nobility, among the proletariat he was well beloved.
Led by von Kremnitz, a veritable dynamo, reinforced with the strength
of Kraki and the power of Jasper's magical suggestion to give way, they forced their way
through the crowd, and to the lip of the fountain. There they paused for breath, and to
survey the situation.
"Stantz! Murderer!" roared the crowd.
"Looks like you're not the only guy that had that idea,"
shouted Nick to von Kremnitz.
"Their very conviction makes me doubt it," shouted the
leftenant back, wiping his brow.
"I've got a bad feeling about this," said Sidney.
Timaeus and Frer Mortise both looked as if they could hardly bear their
surroundings: Timaeus, perhaps, from aristocratic fear of the mob; Mortise, a rustic, from
unease at the sheer numbers about him. "Is one supposed to get a good feeling?"
shouted Timaeus over the crowd.
"We get the statue," shouted Sidney in explanation.
"Then the mob storms the Lodge. We are killed in the ensuing chaos."
They contemplated that. Perhaps attempting to regain their statue, in a
city in the throes of revolution, from the headquarters of the most hated defenders of the
ancien regime, perhaps this was not the smartest move in the world.
"This way," shouted von Kremnitz, pushing off from the
fountain.
It was hard going, through that morass of humanity, the tightly packed
flesh. Without Kraki's strength and Jasper's power of suggestion, they might never have
made the mob's edge. At last, however, they neared the wall of shields, the defenders of
the Lodge.
The eyes of the soldiers were frightened: determined, but scared. Their
shields overlapped, they leaned into their shields, shoulder first, pressing back against
the mob that sought to overwhelm them. In this they were at least partially aided by the
people at the mob's fringe, people who, however much their emotions had been captivated by
the unity of the mob, the passions of the hour, knew that they, unlike those farther back,
were in close proximity to killing weapons. If this tentative peace, this uneasy
equilibrium of forces, broke down, if the mob surged forward or one of the soldiers lost
his head and struck out with a spear or sword, those at the fore would suffer. They would
be the ones to die. And so they drew back, as much as they were able, against the force of
the folk behind them.
Von Kremnitz pushed the man ahead of him to the side, and came face to
face with a soldier. Her eyes widened as she took him in, saw the weapons at his belt, the
look of determination on his face; she panicked, brought down her pike ...
Von Kremnitz's heart went to his throat; she might well kill him, his
own mobility hampered by the crowd, his light blade of dubious utility against a wall of
shields. But more than that, this one gesture might precipitate chaos: If a soldier were
to kill a protestor, that would inflame the passions of the mob, might lead to
full-fledged riot. He had no desire to kill her-she, like he, a servant of the
citybut more, he had no desire to see the Lodge looted, burned, chaos spreading
across fair Hamsterburg. He
A gloved hand fell on the soldier's shoulder. "Steady,
Giselle," barked a serjeant's voice. "Remember your orders."
Shamefaced, she raised her pike once more, brought it back to its
accustomed slant, resting on the top of her square shield. And the serjeant pulled her out
of the line, motioning another soldier forward to take her place before any of the mob
could press through the momentary gap.
"Serjeant!" shouted von Kremnitz, before the man could walk
away. "Serjeant! I must speak with you!"
The man turned, looked warily at von Kremnitz. His eyes widened as he
took in the man and his diverse companionsand narrowed as he saw the pin at von
Kremnitz's cloak, the pin that bore the hamster statant regardant of Hamsterburg.
"I bear the Lord Mayor's safe passage," shouted von Kremnitz.
"I demand entry!"
"He's dead," shouted the serjeant. "Or haven't you
heard?"
"Nonetheless!" von Kremnitz insisted. "I have vital
information!"
The serjeant looked uncertain, but turned to face the Lodge. He
whistled, then held four fingers in the air and gave a wave. In moments, four soldiers
appeared, apparently summoned from the Serenissima's scant reserve. They formed a
semicircle, slightly back from the line, around the serjeant; the serjeant pushed between
two members of the shield wall and motioned von Kremnitz through.
"Stantz! Murderer!" roared the crowd. One man, unkempt,
unbathed, beard to his chest, threw himself toward the momentary opening, but a soldier
merely bashed his head with the side of a shield. Timaeus started forward, then realized
that the serjeant had permitted entry only to von Kremnitz.
The leftenant stood beyond the wall, surrounded by soldiers, arguing
with the serjeant. He displayed his document, with its impressive seal: the laissez-passe
that Siebert had given him. He pointed toward the others, but the serjeant merely
shook his head.
The serjeant pointed to von Kremnitz, as if to say,
"You"and held up one finger, as if to say, "You alone."
Timaeus could hear not a word of what passed between them.
Over the line, a point of green light flitted. Unnoticed, it circled
over the serjeant's head.
Von Kremnitz reddened, enraged; he grabbed the serjeant's breastplate
with both hands, screaming into the man's face.
The serjeant's face went slack, as if personality had gone out of it;
he nodded, a mechanical nod. He spoke briefly to von Kremnitz, who let go, looking rather
confused.
The serjeant spoke again, to the soldiers around them; the four looked
a little bewildered, but when the serjeant repeated his order, they shrugged, turned away,
returned to their position near the Lodge.
The serjeant pushed his way through the shield line and beckoned
Timaeus and the others forward.
Behind them came a cry"Traitors! Spies for the
Spider!"and the mob pressed forward against the line. Quickly the party darted
through the narrow opening in the shield wall, the shields coming together behind them
with a clash. Soldiers grunted as the mob smashed into them.
Von Kremnitz, the serjeant, Timaeus, and the others trotted away,
toward the Lodge's vast oaken doors. Timaeus gave a worried glance behind; the shield line
bowed inward, the pressure of the mob forcing the defenders backinward, inward ...
In moments, he feared, it would give way ...
More soldiers came from the Lodge at a run, hurling themselves into the
line, pressing back against the mob, a few thin reinforcements; but that seemed to be
enough, for the nonce. The line stabilized; the mob withdrew.
The serjeant seemed curiously oblivious to these events for a man with
ostensible responsibility for this section of the line. About his head, Jasper continued
to fly.
"What did you tell him?" Timaeus asked von Kremnitz, puffing
to keep up.
"I don't know," said von Kremnitz. "He wasn't going to
let you throughthen suddenly changed his mind. I don't think it was anything I
said."
"Ah," said Timaeus, casting a glance up at Jasper.
VII.
The Lodge's interior: A-frame beams overhead, darkened with age;
frightened bureaucrats hustling to and fro on apparently urgent business. The room was
cold, lit by flickering torches that an educated eye could see were magical-no smoke
rising from the flames to choke the air, the brands themselves unconsumed by the fire they
bore. At the back of the large chamber was a desk, manned by several clerks; from the
chamber four corridors led off down rows of offices.
The serjeant led them to the desk. One of the clerks conversed with a
bureaucrat, while another accepted a package from a harried messenger; a third was
unoccupied. "What is it, serjeant?" he asked.
"These people have the Lord Mayor's laissez-passe," the
serjeant said, in a mechanical drone. "They seek an audience with Magistra
Wolfe."
The clerk's eyebrows gave a leap. "I shall try to locate
her," he said, and turned to a bank of speaking tubes.
They waited, impatiently and rather nervously, while the clerk hollered
first into one tube, then another, putting his ear to each tube to hear its reply. At
last, he turned back to them, and said, "Have you an appointment?"
"No," said von Kremnitz, "but the matter is
urgent."
The clerk sighed. "May I see this laissez passe?"
Von Kremnitz laid a parchment document on the desk; it was hastily
scribbled in poor penmanship, but bore the Mayor's seal, in red wax, at its bottom.
"It appears legitimate," shouted the clerk into the tube. He
listed for the reply, then turned to von Kremnitz. "What is the matter about?"
he asked.
Von Kremnitz looked at the others. Timaeus shrugged. Sidney said,
"Tell him."
"The statue of Stantius," said von Kremnitz.
The clerk looked mystified, but repeated this to the tube. As he
listened to the response, his face went blank. "Yes, ma'am," he said, turned
back to the desk, and rang a bell.
In a moment, a young man in a gray tunic appeared. "Jorge,"
the clerk ordered. "Take these people to Room Six, in the Griffon section."
"Yes, sir," said the boy. "This way, gentles."
They followed him toward one of the corridors. Behind them, the
serjeant turned on his heel and marched back toward the main front door. Jasper flew with
him briefly, then swerved and met up with the others.
They hustled down the corridor, Jorge setting a swift pace. The walls
rose to intercept wooden beams at odd angles, as if the corridor were a late addition, the
area through which they passed originally a large chamber, later subdivided. Torches lined
the walls at lengthy intervals, providing dim illumination-enough to make one's way,
but not much more. Even here, the roar of the crowd could be faintly heard, that one beat
and three. Men and women scurried past, some carrying files or papers.
"Dammit," Sidney said in a low voice, "we're doing it
again!"
"What do you mean?" asked von Kremnitz.
"You got us in," she said, "as you promised. But we've
got no plan, no"
"Ahem," said Timaeus. "Our guide can hardly fail to
overhear us. And a busy corridor is not the best place"
"Never fear for Jorge," said Jasper. "I have him in a
light trance; he'll not remember anything he shouldn't. And if we're discreet, I think the
people we pass won't take alarm."
"Good," said Timaeus. "Sidney's right. What are we to
do?"
"Find statue," said Kraki. "Take it. Kill anyvone who
gets in vay. Leave."
"It has the virtue of simplicity," said Timaeus.
"However, I'm not entirely clear on how the first step is to be accomplished."
They came to a large open archway of decorative stone, the capstone
carved in the shape of a griffon; through it was a large,chamber, with rows of tables,
seats, and a lectern at one end. Along the left side of the room were several doors, one
numbered "6" in brass. Jorge led the way toward it.
"Wolfe will know where it is," said Nick.
"We hope," said Sidney.
"Can we bushwhack her? Take her hostage?" said Nick.
"Sounds risky," said Timaeus.
"Life is risky," said Kraki.
"She's a mage," Jasper pointed out. They skirted a table. "Umbrae,
isn't it, leftenant?"
"Yes," said von Kremnitz.
They came to Room Six's door; Jorge lifted a hand to turn the
knob
"Wait!" said Sidney. "We still don't have"
"Magistra Wolfe isn't in there," Jasper said. "She's to
meet us here."
"How do you know?"
"Jorge knows," said Jasper.
"All right," said Sidney. "Let him open it, then."
Room Six had the aspect of a sitting room; there were couches, armchairs, tables. At one
end stood a chalkboard, and on the table were piled papers, inkwells, quills, blotters,
and knives for trimming nibs. Clearly, it was often used for conferences of one kind or
another. Peculiarly, it had no windows, but was lit instead by a globe of glowing white
light at the ceiling's center.
"Thank you, Jorge," said Jasper. "You may go now."
"As you wish," said the young man. He closed the door behind
him.
"Taking Magistra Wolfe hostage may be risky," Jasper said,
"yet here, in the Spider's very web, we are at considerable risk regardless. We do
have an advantage; no doubt the Ministry is distracted by the chaos outside. And the
building may be stormed at any moment; if it is, we may be able to escape with relative
ease, assuming we do not find ourselves a target of the mob's fury."
"Wouldn't it be easier to explain ourselves to Wolfe?" said
Timaeus. "Surely"
"Stantz obviously wants the statue," Sidney said, "or
Wolfe wouldn't have stolen it. You think maybe he'll give it back if we just ask pretty
please?"
"Guismundo Stantz is not to be trusted," said von Kremnitz.
"Yes, all right," said Timaeus. "Wolfe comes in, we grab
her, force her to tell us where the statue isSir Jasper, can't you just read the
information from her mind?"
"I very much doubt it," said Jasper. "She wore an amulet
against scrying in the carriage, remember?"
"Bah," said Kraki. "I grab her. Vith sword at throat,
shetalk hokay! Or, gish!" He made a motion indicative of decapitation.
"Yes, thank you, Kraki, very graphic," said Timaeus.
"More likely, you grab her, put your sword to her throat, she turns into a
shadow"
"Need spell to do that," said Kraki. "She start spell,
and gish!"
"Shadow mages are taught to subvocalize," said Timaeus.
"Otherwise, they couldn't use magic, in shadow form; shadows don't have voices. You'd
never know she was working on a spell."
"Bah," said Kraki. "Then I kill her right avay. Gish!"
"It is fairly difficult to obtain information from a corpse,"
said Timaeus testily.
"Unless you're a necromancer," Nick pointed out.
"True enough," said Timaeus. "I don't suppose you have
unexpected talents along such lines, eh, Pratchitt?"
"No," said Nick.
"Then do shut up," said Timaeus. "We've got perhaps as
much as thirty seconds before Wolfe arrives, and no time for idiotic"
"Ahem," interrupted Jasper. "I could detect
subvocalization, I believe, even if Magistra Wolfe were to wear an amulet."
"Eh?" said Timaeus. "Hmm. So Kraki takes her hostage, we
tell her we'll kill her if she starts a spell. By Dion, this might actually work."
"Might have," said a woman's voicea voice that seemed
to come from the brass ventilation grille at the room's rear. "All right, Jocko; shut
them down."
Instantly the room went dark.
There was a crash as Kraki threw himself against the doorto no
avail. "Door locked," he reported.
Sidney cursed. "Of course they'd monitor the room,"
she said. "Of course"
There was a hissing noise.
There was a sudden sense of vertigo, as if the world itself had
lurched, as of swift motion toward a far destination ...
Unconsciousness.
Now this, thought Sidney with peculiar satisfaction, was a proper dungeon.
She was manacled at wrist and ankle, spread-eagled against the rough
stone wall. It was quite uncomfortable; the heavy metal manacles bore her full weight,
pressing into her flesh.
There was darkness, broken only by a furnace's red glow. Before the
furnace stood a man: a torturer, in the traditional garb-naked to the waist, black
pantaloons, domino mask. He moved slowly, placing irons in the fire, shuffling them about.
He withdrew one, and examined its tip; it was curved, an S-shape, glowing white-hot in the
darkness of the dungeon.
There was quiet, broken only by the slow drip of water, the roar of the
coals, the sounds of rats scuttering across the stoneSidney could see their eyes,
out there, reflecting the furnace's fire. She wondered at the noiselessness of the place;
could the roar of the crowd possibly have ended? Or were they simply so far below the
sunlit world that even the howling of the mob could not be heard?
The air was dank, chill. Perhaps there was the slightest tang of blood,
of burnt human flesh.
The torturer moved aside; and, the light of the furnace no longer
blocked by his form, Sidney made out more of the chamber. There was a table covered with
implements, gleaming instruments of unmistakable purpose. There were several other tables,
of peculiar designmanacles at the corners, blood runnels down the sides. Beneath the
tabletops were gears and wheels and latches. Sidney surmised they permitted the torturer
to alter the position of his subject, to allow an optimal approachdevices not
entirely different in function from a barber's chair.
Sidney looked to either side; her companions were likewise chained to
the wall. She, apparently, had been the first to regain consciousness, but Timaeus was now
beginning to stir.
About his upper arm, Sidney saw, twined a peculiar black bracelet; it
looked like a snake, of cast iron, with runes inscribed on its surface. And then, with an
intake of breath, she realized it was alive; it moved, constricted, tightened against
Timaeus's arm.
Timaeus groaned and opened his eyes. He looked about.
"Timaeus," Sidney whispered. "Can you burn through the
manacles?"
Timaeus looked at her, then at the snake-thing. He gave an unpleasant
start, as of someone discovering a roach in his tea. He swallowed, and said,
"No." Sidney realized he meant that the snake-thing prevented him.
"What is it?" she asked.
Timaeus hesitated. "A sort of demon," he whispered. "It
lives by draining mana, magic power. As long as it's on me" He shrugged, as
well as he was able to, spreadeagled against the wall.
Kraki, chained at Sidney's left, opened his eyes. He looked briefly
around, then began to pull at the manacles with all his might, trying to free himself
through sheer brute effort. Sidney watched for a while; he did not seem to be making
progress.
From beyond Timaeus came a clank; Sidney craned to see the source of
the sound. Another man was chained there, someone she'd never seen before: a pudgy little
man in his forties or fifties, clean-shaven and balding but with long locks at the back of
his head. His garb was that of a _ wealthy man, his hose somewhat soiled; on every one of
his ten fingers there was a ring, while his arm bore another of those menacing snakes.
"Good day, sir," Timaeus said to the man. "We find
ourselves in similar circumstances; I hight Timaeus d'Asperge, of Urf Durfal. May I
inquire"
The man blinked in surprise, then looked down at himself.
"Ah," he said. "It is I, Timaeus; surely you recognize the voice?"
Sidney did; it was Jasper, whom she had never before seen in the flesh.
Apparently, the snake-thing did more than prevent spell-casting; it drained the power of
Jasper's magic rings as well.
The masked man now stood before them, attracted by the sound of their
voices. "Good day, Master Torturer," said Sidney. "Did you do the
decorating yourself?"
"You like it?" said the torturer in a pleased voice.
"Oh, my dear, you can't imagine what I've gone through to get a proper dungeon look.
I mean, heavens, the Lodge was built with timber and plaster; they even went so far as to
stucco down here, can you imagine? I had them rip all that rubbish out. And I had to do
something with the drainage; quite dry, when I came-all very fine for a basement, but it
just won't do for a good, professional dungeon operation. I had pipes specially
installed."
"I appreciate it, I really do," Sidney said. "I've been
in dungeons in my time, and I've always thought there was something missing. This has just
the right sort of menacing sensibility."
"Oh, it's very kind of you to say so, very kind," said the
torturer.
"I was imprisoned briefly in Biddleburg," said Sidney,
"you know of it? No? Little barony up in the Dzorzia. They actually had a sofa in my
cell. Can you imagine?"
The torturer snorted in laughter. "A sofa?" he said.
"Whatever can they have been thinking of? Bed of nails, yes, I can see that;
lice-infested straw, yes, fine; rotten vegetable marrows with maggots would do quite well,
buta sofa? I suppose you just have to chalk it up to provincial ignorance."
"Have you seen the dungeons in Urf Durfal?" Sidney asked.
"Mm?" said the torturer. "No, don't get out of
Hamsterburg a great deal, I'm afraid. Just an old homebody, that's me."
"The old Grand Duke filled them up with horse dung," said
Sidney sadly. "He was very big on mushrooms, was Mortimer, wanted the space to grow
specimens."
"That's criminal!" said the torturer. "Why, the old
Durfalian dungeons were legendary! A shame, a crying shame. Ought to preserve such things
for posterity. There's a new duke, I hear, though."
"Yes," said Sidney.
"Not a fungus fancier, I hope?"
"I don't believe so," said Sidney.
"Probably want to open the dungeons up again, then," said the
torturer thoughtfully. "I suppose they can be restored. Probably take years to get
the smell out, though."
"Well, an overwhelming smell of animal dung might go very well, I
should think."
The torturer perked up. "Well, yes, it might," he said.
"You'd have to work around it, but it could be an effective element."
"Well, at any rate," said Sidney, "I shall be proud to
be tortured in first-class surroundings like this."
"II really appreciate that," said the torturer,
practically choked with emotion. "We don't get many who understand, you know.
Probably be just as happy being tortured in a music room, or a salon."
"Would you know when we're to begin?" asked Timaeus
hesitantly.
"Oh," said the torturer, "fairly soon, I should think.
As soon as Wolfe arrives." He shook his head sadly. "You're the third lot today,
you know; busy, busy, busy. City in unrest, traitors everywhere, a torturer's work is
never done."
"It must be very hard for you," said Sidney sympathetically.
"Haste makes waste, I tell them; try to get something quick, and
you'll just kill the subject," said the torturer. "Violates my contract, it
does, so many in so short a time, but just try to get the Guild interested in a grievance
like that. Excess overtime, too many victimsthey couldn't care less. Now, client
stipulating technique, that's what pisses them off. Bunch of sadistic twits, that's
what they are."
"Terrible," said Sidney.
"Look here," said the torturer. "They get you down here,
they're not going to be satisfied without a little pain. Clients too prone to lie if there
isn't any pressure, that's what they claim. You see? Me, I think folk'll say anything
under torture-especially when I torture them. I'm a professional; seven years apprentice,
six as journeyman, eight as master now. Haven't had a subject yet who hasn't spilled his
gutsfiguratively speaking. Well, no, not always figuratively."
"How very nice for you," said von Kremnitz, somewhat
hostilely.
"You think I like it?" the torturer said. "Disgusting
line of work, that's what it is. Appalling. I wanted to be a florist, but my dad wouldn't
hear of it. His dad had been a torturer, and his dad before him, and so on and on and on.
Every first-born Fenstermann is destined to stick burning bamboo shoots under people's
fingernails, apparently." He scowled. "Well, water under the bridge, and it's a
living, I suppose."
"Um, yes," said Timaeus. "All very fascinating, but see
here, it's really quite unnecessary. If you'll unlock these blasted manacles"
"Now look," said Fenstermann hotly. "What kind of
atorturer would I be if I let subjects free without management's okay? Utterly out of the
question. A matter of professional pride."
"Yes, I quite see that," said Timaeus, "but might
I"
"No, you might not," said the torturer. "Don't even
think about it. Wolfe will be here shortly, and then it'll be onto the table. Now listen
up, you lot. You seem like very nice people, for felonious enemies of the state. I said
they won't be satisfied without a little torture, and they won't. But please, do
cooperate; let's make it a little torture, yes? A second-degree burn or two, maybe
a small incision; some bandages, and a couple of stitches, you'll be right as rain. But if
you balk, I shan't be responsible. Out in a wheelbarrow if you get out at all. I do hope
you' 11"
"Making friends with the meat again, Fenstermann?" came a
voice.
"Wolfe," said the torturer resignedly, turning. Beyond him
stood a woman, clad in loose black blouse and gray pantaloons, a jagged scar across her
face and nose, closecropped graying hair in a helmet above her forehead. The lines about
her mouth gave an impression of permanent impatience. Almost, Sidney admired her: The
woman projected a strong air of competence, of power, of energy. "You must talk to
them upstairs," the torturer continued. "I just can't do an adequate job with
this many subjects. I realize there's a revolution on, but2'
"Shut up, Fenstermann," Wolfe said. She walked down the line,
examining each of them in turn. When she came to the leftenant, she said, "You von
Kremnitz?"
"I am," he said.
"Where did you get this?," She wafted the safe passage under
his nose.
"It was given to me," von Kremnitz said stiffly, "by His
Serenity, Hamish the First, of the House Siebert, Lord Mayor of the Most Serene Republic
of Hamsterburg. It requires you to lend me every assistance; wherefore, I
demand"
"I don't give a good goddamn," said Wolfe. "You clowns
were plotting to hold me hostage."
"Gish!" said Kraki menacingly, shaking his manacles.
"That too," Wolfe said. "I want to know what you know
about the statue, why you want it, and who you are."
"Trade you," said Nick.
Wolfe blinked. "What do you mean?"
"A question for a question," said Nick.
"You're not in any position to bargain," said Wolfe. She
turned to Fenstermann. "We'll start with him."
"Oops," said Nick.
"I'd rather torture her," said Fenstermann, pointing to
Sidney.
"Why?" said Wolfe.
"She's got a real feel for things," said Fenstermann.
"She'll appreciate the technique."
Wolfe snorted. "Fenstermann, sometimes I don't understand you. If
you like her"
"No, it's all right, really," said Sidney. "I'll go
first."
Wolfe glared at Sidney. "What are you, some kind of
masochist?"
"N-no," said Sidney. But she could always turn into a cat and
quite possibly escape, while Nick had no such option. "Anything to be helpful."
Wolfe eyed Sidney warily, and said, "If you want to be tortured,
you've got a reason. The man."
Fenstermann shrugged and went to unlock Nick, then carried him over to
one of the tables.
"Stiff upper lip, Pratchitt," said Jasper. "Never
surrender. You can do it, lad."
"Please," said the torturer in a long-suffering tone. "I
am a professional, you know. Of course you'll talk. And if you'll take my advice,
you'll do it quickly."
"Talk?" said Nick nervously. "You want me to talk?
Ofcourse I'll talk. I love to talk. My mother always said she couldn't get me to stop talking,
as a matter of fact. And I never could keep a secret, ask any of my friends. Chatterbox
Pratchitt, that's me, talk the livelong day. Ask me a question, any question"
"How about the iron maiden?" said Wolfe.
Fenstermann pursed his lips judiciously. "A little advanced for
the start, don't you think? Red-hot pokers against the skin, I'd say."
"Urg," said Nick.
"Well, you're the professional," said Wolfe dubiously,
"but I've always thought the iron maiden was very effective."
"True, true," said Fenstermann. "Still, I've got these
irons in the fire, might as well use them for something." He picked one out of the
blaze. "Here we go," he said, approaching Nick. "Lie still, now; this won't
hurt a bit."
"It won't?" said Nick.
"Well, actually, it will, rather," said Fenstermann
apologetically.
He brought the tip of the iron, glowing with intense white heat, down
through the air, down toward"Halt!" shouted a voice. "Put that down!"
Into the furnace's dim illumination strode a man; an old man, but a
vigorous one; a man in the robes of office, a man with the jowly appearance of a basset
hound ...
"My lord!" said von Kremnitz, in wonder. "You
live!"
"Release them instantly," said Hamish Siebert.
"My lord," said Wolfe in alarm, "you are needed above!
The"
"Quite right," said Siebert. "We haven't much time.
Therefore, release them at once."
"But theythey're felons!" Wolfe said. "They
planned to hold me hostage, to"
"Did they really?" said Siebert in interest. "Must have
their reasons, I suppose. Nonetheless, young von Kremnitz is one of my most trusted men,
and his companions and I have an understanding. I vouch for their good behavior. And I
shall stay right here until you free them."
"You can't do that!" said Wolfe. "If you don't appear
before the mob, they'll storm the Lodge!"
"I imagine so," said the Lord Mayor. "Therefore, you'd
better release these good people with alacrity, so I may return upstairs as quickly as
possible, nest-ce pas?"
"You'll get us all killed," said Wolfe in a disgruntled tone,
but motioned to Fenstermann to release the prisoners. He failed to move sufficiently
quickly for her taste; she grabbed some of his keys and set to work as well.
"What aboutthat," said Timaeus, pointing to the black
thing on his arm.
Wolfe, looking at it, shuddered slightly and turned to Fenstermann. The
torturer went to get a pair of tongs; he used them to pluck away the slug-like thing and
toss it into the fire. He repeated the task with Jasper.
"Now follow me," said Siebert. "You, too,
Magistra." He began to stride across the floor, setting a surprisingly rapid pace for
an elderly man.
"You shouldn't have come down here," Wolfe scolded, easily
keeping up. The others, somewhat taken by surprise, lagged behind. "You're running a
terrible risk."
"Magistra Wolfe," said Siebert in a censorious tone,
"the good leftenant bore my safe passage; it was my sworn duty to aid himand
yours, as well, I might add. If anyone endangers our lives, it is"
"I say," said Jasper, flitting up to join them, "am I to
understand that the Lord Mayor is needed elsewhere as quickly as possible?"
"Yes!" said Wolfe intemperately. "You needn't come if
you don't"
"I have a ring of magical flight," said Jasper. "Why
don't I lend it to you, your serenity?"
"Ah! That would be useful, if you would," said Siebert,
coming to a halt.
"If I can get the damned thing off-good. Bit of luck, that. Here
you are."
"You have my thanks," said Siebert. "Magistra, if you
mistreat these people further, I shall have your eyes put out. Hard to be a shadow mage if
you can't perceive shadows, what?"
"Go, dammit!" said Wolfe. "Move!"
"Ta," said Siebert. He lifted from the dark rocks of the
dungeon and flitted away through the air.
"Now what?" asked Sidney, eyeing Wolfe uneasily and wishing
for her weapons. She checked; yes, even the knife in her boot was gone.
"Oh, come along," said Wolfe. "Up these stairs."
The stairs seemed to twine upward forever. At intervals, magic torches
flickered. Wolfe led the way.
"I thought you had killed him," von Kremnitz said
wonderingly.
"Me?" said Wolfe. "Oh, you mean the Ministry. Actually,
I might well have been asked to kill him, if Stantz had wanted him dead."
"How is it that he is alive?" von Kremnitz asked.
"Faked his death, of course," said Wolfe.
"Why?" said Timaeus, breathing hard; his legs were beginning
to feel the strain of so many stairs.
"Isn't it obvious?" said Wolfe nastily. "The
Accommodationists have been planting rumors for weeks, claiming Stantz had tried to kill
the mayor before, and would do it again. And they made Siebert's assassination the signal
for their troops to move."
"Didn't you just-do what they wanted to happen?" said Sidney.
"Aren't they moving to take over the city now?"
"Yup," said Wolfe. "But in a few moments, the Lord Mayor
will miraculously appear before the people of Hamsterburg. And then he will lead them
toward the Maiorkest, to rally the folk against tyranny."
"I see," said Jasper. "The Accommodationists had planned
for the mob to storm the Albertine Lodge, but instead, the mob becomes a weapon in
Siebert's hands."
"Exactly," said Wolfe. "And-the assassination was not to
occur for several days. Their troops are out of position, and they won't coordinate
properly."
"Excellent!" said von Kremnitz. "I had misjudged you and
the minister, Magistra. And when the Lord Mayor appears with the Scepter and statue of
Stantius, the people will know he is divinely appointed to lead the nation. Patriotic
rapture will sweep the urbs, men and women will rally to the sign of the hamster;
the Accommodationist host will melt away like snow in the spring!"
"Ah," said Wolfe. "Hmm."
"It really isn't your statue, Leftenant," Timaeus pointed
out. "I suppose we could permit its temporary use to calm the city, but afterward, we
really must continue on our quest."
"Yes, yes," said von Kremnitz. "Of course." He
spoke a little too hastily for Sidney's peace of mind.
"What I don't understand," said Nick, "is why, if the
Lord Mayor knew Magistra Wolfe would be snatching the statue, he didn't let us know. We
could have worked together."
"Quite, quite," said Wolfe absently. "Here we are."
The stairs spiraled a final time, and a door came into view.
VIII.
Wolfe brought them through the busy corridors of the Albertine Lodge to
a large chamber, apparently a ballroom, for the floor was polished wood and the space was
unfurnished, save for a few couches and chairs drawn up against the walls. The
late-morning sun shone brightly through the French doors of the far wall, which opened out
onto a large balcony. The middle set of doors had been flung open, and through them they
could see Hamish Siebert, in his mayoral robes of office, standing before the crowd, arms
outspread.
Beyond him was the swirling enormity of the mob, packing Albertus
Square from one end to the other. They had ceased their chant some time ago, but their
roar was no less for that; there were shouts, screams, orations, yells from across the
square, an inchoate noise like that of the sea, battering against the Albertine walls. It
gave the air a physical quality, as of waves of pressure washing against the ears.
The Lodge's defenders were out there, still, a thin line against
enormity. It was a miracle, Sidney thought, that they had not been overwhelmed, a tribute
to their esprit and staminaand an indication, perhaps, that the rabblerousers the
Accommodationists should have had in the mob, to spur it into action, were either cowed or
missing.
At first it seemed as if the crowd were entirely oblivious to Siebert's
presence; it was minutes before any diminution in that roar could be perceived. But some
folk noticed the single figure standing on the balcony, and realized someone wanted to
address them; and of those close to the Lodge, some were able to recognize Siebert, while
others recognized his robes of office. Word began to circulate to those farther back in
the square. Slowly, slowly, the noise died down, silence spreading outward as waves spread
from a stone dropped in still water.
It took perhaps ten minutes-and all that time, Siebert held his hands
in the air. At last there was silence-or near silence, as much silence as ten thousand are
capable of accomplishing: the occasional sneeze or cough or low conversation. Ten thousand
people stood, looking upward; waiting for Siebert to speak.
He began.
THE ALBERTINE ADDRESS
My name, if you haven't already figured that out, is Hamish Siebert.
Death came for me this morning; but he and I got to talking, and got to drinking, and I
left him under the table.
As he slid from his chair, I grabbed the handle of his scythe, because
I'd always heard that the blade has a name on it, when Death comes for you. Maybe it says
"Cholera," or maybe it says "Age," but it always has the name of the
one who fells you. I squinted at the blade, and heldit to the light, but the name I read
was not that of Guismundo Stantz.
So I grabbed Death's bony shoulder, and shook it a bit.
"Charley," I said, "wake up, boy." And he did, a little, and asked me
what I wanted.
Well, hell; what do you want? I've got a pretty fair idea. You want a
chicken in the pot. You want the rent paid. You want the kids to stop whining. And most of
the time, you just want the city to leave you damned well alone.
But some of you may have kept a scrappy little rodent, as a kid. And
maybe you kept it not just to have a furry little thing to pet; maybe it meant something
more. It stood for the neighbors who told you to get along home to your mother when it
started to get dark, it stood for the bustle of the market and the ships at the dock, the
swordsmen swaggering in velvet, and the blind beggars on the Tetrine Way who tell stories
to the kids while Mom darts in to do some shopping. It stood for a city, our city, the
city, once, of empire, and still the center of the human world. Most of the time, you want
a chicken in the pot, and perhaps a wee dram after, but you also want something for
Hamsterburg, something better than what she's got. You do, or you wouldn't be here.
Why are you here?
I know, of course; I'd be deaf if I hadn't heard you, the last hour or
two. You thought Stantz had me killed. You came to avenge me.
You don't know how profoundly moved I am, how grateful I am for your
assistance. In my short time as Lord Mayor, I've mostly met obstruction and resistance; I
had just no idea that so much of the city believed in me, believed we could bring about
the changes the city needs, cared enough to mourn me, let alone avenge my death.
But I'm not dead yet. And neither is your hamster, however long since
you dug a hole for him in your backyard.
Death asked me what I wanted; and so I told him. I told him I wanted
the city clean. I wanted an end to her decline. I wanted her governance out of the hands
of the gens, who, however well they guided her in her youth, have descended into
corruption; I wanted the city to serve her people. I wanted an end to dissension, and a
unity of purpose in restoring the city to her former glory; I wanted the hamster perky,
and not dead.
"Give me a corkscrew and a case of the red," Death said,
"and I'll give you a little time."
A little time; that's all anyone has, a little time. I said yes, of
course. And so I, and you, and Hamsterburg, have a little time left.
What are we going to do with it?
When I was a boy, my dad owned some stables up in the borough of
Stuffel. When I got to be fifteen, he told me it was time I got to work in the family
business. I told him that was fine, of course, figuring he'd give me a nice, cushy
position, overseeing the hostlers, or buying the feed. After all, I was the boss's son. My
dad took me out to the stables and handed me a shovel and a broom. "Start to
work," says he.
I threw a fit, but he wasn't to be budged; he thought I should learn
the business from the ground up. And so I did, though it wasn't so much from the ground up
as up from the horse's arsehole. For the next three months, I was up to my knees in
horseshit, day after day, and believe me, it did nothing for my popularity with the girls.
And the job never ended: however much shit you shoveled, the horses were always making
more.
I thought I'd never have a job as hard as that one, but that was before
they made me mayor. I feel like I'm back in the stables, after all this time. However much
shit I shovel, the gens are always making more. But, by all the gods, this stable
needs to be clean, and if it's within my power, and it can be done in the little time I've
got left, I'm going to clean it.
I've got some extra shovels, though. Care to lend a hand?
Good. There's a particularly noisome stench coming from one stall, over
here. Over the stall is a plaque, engraved with the horse's name. And, funny thing, it's
the same name I read on Death's own scythe.
The name of the horse is Gerlad von Grentz.
If we shovel a bit, I think we'll find some rats, buried in the muck.
They've been going about the town, squeaking in people's ears. "Guismundo Stantz
tried to have the Lord Mayor killed," they squeaked. "He'll try it again."
Wondered where that rumor came from, didn't you?
Now, why should the rats want to spread it? Because they wanted you
here, today. They didn't expect Hamish Siebert to drink Death under the table; they
expected him to fall. And they wanted you here, to storm the Lodge, to smash this
Ministry. Why?
Because Guismundo Stantz, for all his faults, is a patriot. And he
would never allow any of the gens to seize absolute power.
Gerlad von Grentz, say.
Oh, there's more to the plot, to be sure; there are a good many rats,
down there in the manure. The noble House of von Grentz maintains its own army; it marches
on the city. Von Grentz is allied with other gens of similar inclination; their
troops march too. My death was to be their signal for rebellion.
But my Death has a weakness for strong drink. And I've got ten thousand
friends, with shovels.
You can kill a rat with a shovel, if you move fast. You might have to
whack it a couple of times. And rats are all we face.
I know, it's true; some of those rats are armed and trained veterans.
And you, you're just civilians. Civilians, citizens, as are we all; Hamsteriana
civitatis sumus. And they're rats. They expect an easy conquest, a city in unrest,
thankful for the restoration of order; they don't expect angry men and women armed with
spades. Rats are very bold, but are quick to flee the shovel's mortal smash.
Shoulder up your shovels, and ask yourselves this: Are you miceor
are you Hamsters?
Rats may be bigger, but we are the better rodents.
And we know how to shovel shit.
Von Grentz's stall isn't the only one that needs shoveling, but once we
clean that one up, the others will be easier, I think. And you've got to start somewhere,
when you've got a stable to clean.
A mile from here is the Maiorkest. The Mayoral Foot is there. I'm going
to take a stroll, and join them. If you come along, I don't think the rats will bother us.
If you come along, I think they'll slink back to their holes. All we need to show, I
think, is that this city holds more Hamsters than rats.
Are you coming?
The crowd roared approbation.
Von Kremnitz wept in a veritable paroxysm of patriotic joy.
Kraki snored.
"Very nice speech, I thought," said Jasper. "I rather
liked that last turn of phrase; classic example of chiasmus, wouldn't you say?"
"Chiasmus?" said Timaeus. "You old fool, when did you
last study rhetoric? That was metonymy, and quite an effective use."
"Metonymy? Are you daft? I know chiasmus when I hear it. The gods
only know what they teach you twits at university these days. Why, when I was a
lad"
Jasper was interrupted by Siebert, who appeared in the French doors,
tossing a ring in his right hand. Spotting Jasper, he said, "I say, old man; do you
mind if I use yourring to fly down to the crowd? I'll toss it up to you on the balcony, if
you like."
"Oh, certainly," said Jasper. "Make a grand entrance,
what?"
"Politics is at least half spectacle," said Siebert.
"Come along then." He turned to walk back onto the balcony.
"Wait!" protested Sidney. "What about the statue?"
Standing in the doorway, Siebert blinked. "What about it .
"Why did you not use it to bolster your claim, my lord?"
asked von Kremnitz. "Surely it would have been an effective element of your
address."
"It is hard to exploit something you haven't got," Siebert
said acidly. "We'll try to get it from von Grentz once this is over"
Von Kremnitz whirled to face Wolfe. "You didn't tell him!" he
said.
"Urn," said Wolfe.
Siebert hesitated, obviously not wanting to keep the mob much longer.
"Tell me what?"
"Internal Serenity's,got it!" von Kremnitz said. "Wolfe
stole it from the Drachehaus, out from under our very noses."
"I see," said Siebert. "Is this so, Magistra
Wolfe?" "Well, yes," said Wolfe. "We thought it dangerous to permit
von Grentz to keep the statue"
"Quite so," said Siebert. "But as my ally, I do expect
you to keep me informed of"
"We didn't know you had an interest," said Wolfe.
Siebert sighed with exasperation. "I am Lord Mayor of this
benighted cesspool," he said. "I do expect to be informed of events of striking
political import. I shall expect Minister Stantz to explain himself. At considerable
length."
"I'll tell him," said Wolfe.
"Mind you do," said Siebert. "And you may tell him,
also, to surrender the statue immediately to these people."
Wolfe recoiled. "You're joking," she said.
"By no means," said Siebert. "They are its legitimate
owners."
"Legitimatebut consider the political" sputtered
Wolfe.
"Enough," said Siebert with finality. "We can discuss it
later, if Stantz insists. In the meantime, I must be off."
"Yes, my lord," said Wolfe forlornly. "Farewell."
"Ta," said Siebert jauntily, and departed. Jasper followed
him onto the balcony, to retrieve his ring.
Out in the square, the folk were gradually filtering away. The sheer
number of people meant it would no doubt take long minutes before the square was finally
clear.
"Well, Magistra?" said Timaeus, pipe at a defiant angle.
"Our statue, if you please."
Wolfe dithered for a moment, then shook her head. "Stantz has to
make that decision," she said. "I couldn't just hand it over to you, even if I
knew where it's stored."
"Fine," said Sidney. "Take us to Stantz."
"Tout de suite, " said Jasper.
"I can't," said Wolfe. "He's in the War Room! There's a
rebellion on, or hadn't you noticed? He's up to his neck in planning"
"Goodo," said Timaeus. "Then take us to the War
Room."
"Not likely," said Wolfe. "You're not cleared. Besides,
you're aliens! I can't think of a more drastic security breach than"
"My dear lady," said Jasper, "the Lord Mayor did say to
give us the statue `immediately,' did he not? I don't believe the word is susceptible to
much interpretation."
Wolfe smiled at that. "You haven't done much business with
government, have you?" she said. "There's `immediately' as in `this instant.'
There's `immediately' as in `as soon as practical.' There's `immediately' as in `follow
normal procedures but put this at the top of the list.' There's `immediately' as in `I
want to be able to blame you for the delay, but please take as long as possible.' And then
there's"
"Oh, shut up," said Sidney. "Take us to Stantz. Do it
now!"
Wolfe peered at Sidney. "Shut up yourself, dear," she said
sweetly. "I'm not scared by gutter toughs like you."
"I kill her?" asked Kraki with interest.
"No, no, no," said Frer Mortise.
Kraki scowled. "Civilization," he swore. "In northland,
you have dispute, you kill. Simple. Here you talk, talk, talk, nothing gets done."
"If we kill her," Timaeus said patiently, "she won't be
able to tell us where the statue is."
"Yah, hokay," said Kraki, "but it be more fun."
Wolfe went to a bellpull that ran against one wall and gave it a yank.
"I'll have you shown to the Green Room," she said.
"Oh, no you don't," said Sidney. "You're not gassing us
again."
Wolfe scowled at her. "I'm not going to gas you," she said.
"The Lord Mayor would have my head. But I can't take you to the War Room, so you'll
just have to wait. In the Green Room."
"No," said Sidney. "Take us with you."
"Impossible," said Wolfe. "A messenger will be here
shortly to take you there. Goodbye." She started toward the heavy doors at the
ballroom's far end.
Sidney trotted along, waving urgently at the others to follow.
"You can't get rid of us that easily," she said determinedly. "We're
sticking with you until you get us the statue."
"Oh, come on," said Wolfe. "Can't you wait"
"For how long?" demanded Sidney. "I've dealt with
government. We could be in your Green Room for weeks. I'm not letting you out of
sight."
"Sorry," said Wolfe. "I forbid it. You may not
come."
"How do you propose to stop us?" demanded Sidney. "By
force? Do you think the Lord Mayor will appreciate that? Bring us the statue, or we're
coming along."
"I can't allow that," said Wolfe.
"Try and stop us'," said Sidney.
Wolfe contemplated that. "All right," she said. And turned
into a shadow. She began to slide toward the door.
Sidney whirled to face the French doors; the morning sun shone brightly
out there, rays slanting into the long hall. She looked down at her own shadow; it was
etched clearly against the parquet floor.
Sidney sprinted after Wolfe's shadow, reaching for a dagger
thatwasn't there. That's right, she realized; their weapons had still not been
restored. She then raised her fists, holding them up against the light until they cast
clear shadows against the floor. She threw a fist forward.... The first itself struck
nothing, moving through empty space. Its shadow, however, smashed into-Wolfe's.
Wolfe's shadow recoiled.
Sidney struck out with her other hand. It felt strange, to box against
nothing. For good measure, she kicked the air, her foot's shadow kicking Wolfe's.
There was a sense of magic transition; and then a corporeal Wolfe stood
in the hall once more, a prominent bruise around one eye. She swiftly drew her blade and
put its point to Sidney's neck. "Stop that," she practically snarled.
"I kill her now?" said Kraki.
"No, no, no," said Frer Mortise, Timaeus, and Jasper,
practically in unison.
Kraki pouted.
Sidney spread her hands. "I've stopped," she said.
"See?"
Wolfe breathed heavily for a long moment, then finally sheathed her
weapon. "Oh, all right," she said finally. "Look, I really can't take you
to the War Room. Why don't I take you to Stantz's office?"
Sidney considered that. "All right," she said at last.
IX.
"Hallo, hallo, hallo," said the fat man.
He was, thought Timaeus, rather astoundingly corpulent. He had known
Guismundo Stantz was supposed to be fat, but the sheer bulk of the man was impressive. The
chair behind his desk was large, but even so, Stantz filled it to overflowing, folds of
flesh squeezed between and over the arms. It was amazing, Timaeus thought, that the man
could still walk.
"I thought you were in the War Room," said Wolfe.
"Pooh," said Stantz, waving a hand the size of a dinner
plate. "The staff can handle things. Good as over."
Kraki wandered into the room and looked about in the dimness. He
spotted the cheese, cut off a wedge the size of his head, and started gnawing. The others
moved in more slowly, blinking at the oddly appointed space: the strange contraption
lighting the papers on Stantz's desk, the innumerable speaking tubes, the newscrystal.
Wolfe snorted. "You've got more confidence in Siebert than I
do."
"Perhaps so, perhaps so," said Stantz genially. "And who
are these people, whom you have so gaily escorted into my sanctum sanctorum? No
little breach of security, I might add."
"Friends of Siebert, apparently," said Wolfe.
"May we be seated?" asked Timaeus. Kraki, still munching on
his cheese, was now examining the flask of syrup of greep that stood on the sideboard,
along with glasses and a pitcher of water.
"Of course, of course, please," said Stantz. "And might
I inquire as to your business?" Kraki picked up the syrup of greep and unstoppered
it.
"The Lord Mayor says they're to be given the statue of
Stantius," said Wolfe.
"Difficult, thatI say, that's prime-quality greep syrup
there, my man. Put it down, please, you don't quaff it like ale."
"Why is it difficult?" ask Timaeus.
"Don't have it anyI say, look, put that down. I'll make you
a greep spritzer, if you like."
"What?" shouted Timaeus.
"Greep vhat?" asked Kraki.
"A greep spritzer," said Stantz. "A blend of soda water
and syrup of greep. You won't find a better or more healthful quaff. Well I know, for I
came to maturity in Hamster-Dzorzia, where elven magic lingers, where the finest greeps in
all the world are grown. It seems so long ago . . ."
"That statue!" said Timaeus. "What about"
"Wait!" said Sidney.
But they were too late: Stantz was on a roll.
SYRUP OF GREEP
It seems so long ago, so long ago that I roamed the hills of
Hamster-Dzorzia. The world was young then, always green, soft spring winds wafting
eastward with the hint of rain, young flowers nodding in the meadows, the greeps putting
forth their first green fruit. Oh, I suppose it wasn't always so; were there not winters?
And scorching days? And hours of labor totting up figures in dusty rooms? But that isn't
what sticks in the memory, from that distant time. No, it is the skirl of pipes, the
coolness of the gloaming, the scent of the greeps' new blossoms.
For that land had once been elven, long time past; and here and there,
about it, traces of elven magic lingered still. There was power, hither and yon, slowly
dying with the elves' absence, but enough of it present to support the greep.
I see you do not comprehend. It is simple enough; the greep is a magic
plant. It draws sustenance not only from rain and earth and sun, but from the magic energy
that permeates certain soils. It will not grow in mundane ground.
And its fruit; ah, its fruit. If you have not tasted the fresh greep,
new-plucked from the vine, you have no inkling of nirvana. This side of the grave, there
is no closer taste of paradise. It is tart, but not too tart; sweet, but not too sweet;
words betray me. It is trivial to describe a sight, not much harder to describe a noise,
but taste-the language does not suffice.
The greep perishes quickly; it is a delicate fruit, and cannot
withstand much handling. It must be preserved, if it is to become a commodity: They pickle
it, can it, turn it into jelly. They make greep vinegar, greep schnapps-and, of course,
greep syrup. Well I know, for my father was an haut bourgeois, a trader in products
of greep. He shipped the fresh fruit, by fast pony, sometimes by pegasus or dragonelle, to
Hamsterburg, where gourmets dined on itsexquisite flesh. There was great demand for greeps
among true connoisseurs, for different soils breed clear differences in taste: Greep grown
by a magic spring tastes of the cool freshness of the waters, while that grown where a
basilisk nests has a pungent, earthy scent. My father was always on the lookout for
magical places where the greep could be grown, for practically each new site meant a
slightly different taste, a new variety for his demanding clientele.
Because of this, I saw him little, for he was constantly on his rounds,
and only briefly in the little market village we called home. His absence, indeed, gave me
my freedom. I was sixteen that spring, old enough that, my father gone, no one in the
household could impose his will on me. I was too old to be biddable any longer; too young,
yet, to be encumbered with a share of the family's financial burdens. And so, oft of a
soft spring morning, I would sneak away from my chamber, before the hour at which I was
required to meet my tutor, and roam the hills at will.
More often than not, I would meet with Rudy. He was a year or two older
than I, of equally respectable family; and I had worshiped him from boyhood. He had a
quality of sober joy I found ceaselessly fascinating, a keen intelligence he applied to
our amusement, and a reckless daring that kept me in awe. In the best of circumstances, I
think he would have wound up dead, or imprisoned, for he was the sort of boy who steals
the clappers from the bells of the town clock, makes off with women's clothes while they
bathe, and casually pockets merchandise while the shopkeeper looks elsewhere; not, I
think, the sort to make a success of himself in the sober world.
We climbed the hills, swam in the streams, taunted bulls, played jokes
on the local yokels, and otherwise amused ourselves. His skin was fair, his arms speckled
with a light golden down, his face chiseled in such exquisite lines that, more than once,
despite our friendship, I was overwhelmed by shyness in his presence, a diffidence his
sudden grin would instantly shatter. Together, we roamed the spring-soft hills, and took
pleasure in each other as we found it.
One of our favorite places was an oak grove, down in the fold between
two hills, where a little stream ran. The stream, I think, marked the boundary between two
peasants' properties, which may, perhaps, be why the grove had not been felled to make
room for crops; that, or perhaps they, superstitious as peasants often are, felt some
sense of the power there.
The oaks were tall, centuries in age, undoubtedly dating from the era
of elven dominion. The ground was carpeted with soft leaf mold, dotted with harder acorns.
The trees abounded with squirrels, chipmunks, and various birds who survived on the mast
the oaks produced; it was a veritable little forest, one of the last great stands of trees
in all the cultivated land. Even in the hottest days of summer, the high branches of the
trees cast a cool, green shade within the grove, a shade we found inviting. Often, in the
afternoon, we would go there, drink at the stream, make a rude lunch of bread and cheese,
and lie together in the green dimness of the grove.
Oh, there was magic there, sure enough; the everyday magic of the play
of leaf-dappled light on earth, of the purling of the stream, of squirrels chattering from
the branch. But I had not realized that there was more, not until the evening I went to
see Rudy there, later than we usually met.
I snuck away after dinner, out into the gloaming. The sky was that
strange indigo that painters cannot seem to capture, the luminous fading of the light, a
time almost magical in itself. I knew the grove as a place of green dimness, but in this
already dim light, it now seemed dark, mysterious. As I entered it, I heard the sound of
voices: Rudy's, anda girl's.
Surprised that he would bring a wench to our privateplace, I crept
softly toward the stream, hiding behind the trees. And there was Rudy withwith a
creature. Oh, female, to be sure; but hardly human. Her skin was pastel viridian, her hair
bedecked with long, fine, willow-like leaves, her eyes of an elven cast. She moved with a
catlike litheness and she, and Rudy, were obviously entranced.
Astonished, I could hardly move, but watched, crouching behind the bole
of an oak, while they murmured to each other, Rudy mustering the full force of his
enormous charm. It hardly seemed necessary, for she intended much as he, and by the time
full darkness fell, they were in each other's arms. It was black, by then, in the oak
grove, no moon that night, and the trees obscuring even the meager light of the stars; I
saw little of them, hearing only their soft breathing.
I stumbled away, half in pain, half in rage. Rudy had defiled our
place, had defiled what we had together, and had done it, moreover, with a creature not of
our kind. Why did I react with such intensity? It is hard to say, now, so long after.
Certainly, Rudy had had wenches before; he was a careless, charming lad, of respectable
family, and had induced many of the local girls to spend a hour or two with him, in a
hayloft, or amid the soft greenery of the meadow. And that had never bothered me, for I
had known that they meant nothing to Rudy, nothing more than an afternoon's pleasure,
nothing by comparison to what we shared. But this, I sensed, even from that moment, this
was different.
And it was. With me, he grew distant; the intimacy we once had shared
was gone. Never did he tell me of his lover, but I could see it in his eyes, his attention
far away; he would gather wildflowers for no apparent purpose, and take them to the grove.
He would bring nuts and berries for the squirrels, lie there, his back to an oak tree, for
hours at a time, staring upward into the leaves and sighing. Never would he speak to me of
his new passion, but it was clear, not only in his actions, but in his lack of action, his
unwillingness to roam with me, to play the games that were our wont. Perhaps I should have
confronted him with what I knew, but that seemed fruitless. What could he say? What could
he have done? It was true, I knew; he had been captivated by that creature, enraptured in
her spell, and what we had once shared was gone forever.
I began to hate him, as only one whose love is betrayed can hate; hate
him nearly as much as I loathed that inhuman, green thing with which he lay. And I began
to plot my revenge.
The grove was magical; I knew that now. A dryad lived there, Rudy's
love. That information had value.
Great value. For the greep grows in magical soil, and even in
Hamster-Dzorzia, there were few enough patches of that, few places where the fruit could
be grown. Fell those trees, and the grove would be a perfect place for a stand of
vinesrich bottomland, well watered by the stream, the soil imbued with magic.
Moreover, none of the greep orchards from which my father bought were .planted in a
dryad's former grove; greeps planted there would possess a novel taste, would provide my
father with a new variety to titillate the jaded palates of the urbs.
And as it happened, he was home.
I told him what I knew. Oh, not of Rudy, nor what had passed between
him and the dryad; but of the dryad's presence, of the grove's power. My father slapped me
on the back and, I think, for the first time in my life, was proud of me. Canny merchant
that he was, he began at once to ponder how best to acquire the property, how to obtain it
from the peasants who tilled the adjoining fields without raising their suspicions as to
its value.
I slept soundly that night, savoring my victory. If I could not have
Rudy, I could serve him as he had served me, betray him as I had been betrayed. The next
day I methim, on the hill overlooking the town, and told him what I'd done.
All color drained from his face. "No," he said, "you
can't have done." When I insisted I had, and provided corroborating detail, he struck
me, a sudden vicious blow. I had not expected it, and it flung me to the ground. I think I
lost consciousness for a while, and when I awoke found a reddening bruise about one eye.
That very afternoon, I went out to the grove in the company of my
father, with two woodsmen and a sorcerer, the former to fell the grove; the latter to
protect us if the dryad proved to have unexpected powers. They set to work on the outer
trees, while I went with my father inward, to show him the stream, the largest oak
wherein, I thought, the dryad made her home
Oh, what dolor greeted us there. Where there had been green coolness
was warm blood, almost black in the darkness of the grove; gray steel, deep in Rudy's
belly, pale flesh lifeless on the moss beneath the tree. The blood ran everywhere; it was
hard to believe one man could hold so much gore. I cried out, ran to him, cradled his
head; but it was too late. Life had departed his form hours before.
My father scowled, cursed under his breath, hauled me away from Rudy,
saw the tears coursing down my cheeks, and slapped me, hard. I think he understood it all,
in that moment, understood that Rudy and I had been more than friends, understood what
Rudy had done with the creature of the wood. He was disgusted; he despised me, as I think
he always had, an unforgiving man. But worse, from his perspective, was this:
The grove was ruined. Rudy's blood would taint the soil, would taint
the greeps, if we grew them there. They would taste of metal, of blood, of death; they
would win no praises at the tables of the city.
He called the woodsmen to a halt, and hauled me roughly away from
Rudy's form. He swore to kill me if I let the townsfolk know of myunnatural desires,
he called them; odd how natural they seemed, by comparison with Rudy's, Rudy's love for
something beyond nature. And he told me he would send me to university, banish me from my
home. I hardly cared.
Rudy had known what his blood would do; how could he have not? Though
there were wheatfields, apiaries, and vineyards in Hamster-Dzorzia, the lifeblood of its
commerce depended on the greep, and we had known its ways from infancy. He had slain
himself, not out of despair, but out of love; not in mourning for the loss of his dryad,
but to protect her from the ax. He had cheated me of my vengeance, cheated me thricefold:
First, of his love; second, of the despair I had wished him to feel; third, of the dryad's
death. And most of all, he made me realize that I, too, had never been more than a passing
fancy, for him, little more than one of his girls; would he ever have sacrificed his life
for mine, as he did for the spirit of the oak?
From high in the oak's stately branches, I caught a hint of a laughing
face, a sardonic glint of the eye; the dryad was there, mocking me. Had she planned this
from the start? Had she known that, in this region, it was merely a time before she fell
to the ax? Had she plotted all this, as a means of mere survivalbetrayed Rudy
as fully as I?
In rage and frustration, I darted from the grove, took an ax forcibly
from the woodsman's hands, and ran back, to fell that mighty tree. At the least, I would
slay that thing, that green-skinned thing, that mockery of humanity.
But my father knocked me to the ground; he forbade it. "We thrive
on the gleanings of departing magic," he told me later. "Wouldst destroy what
little remains, not for gain, but from sheer spite?"
A nice sentiment, but it did not prevent him from selling the grove, at
a handsome profit, before the news of. Rudy's death became known. So he came out of it
without loss; would that I had done as well.
For years afterward, I tortured myself with what I had done; but now,
so many years later, it seems to me that we were like actors in a drama, virtually fated
to do what we did. And if my motives were vile, still it was not I who slew Rudy, nor did
I do more than advance the date at which the grove might have been felled. We did as we
felt we must, Rudy, the dryad, and I, and I can blame myself hardly any more than they.
The world is full of tragedy; much of it we cannot hope to prevent, but only to
ameliorate.
"And so," said Stantz, "when I sip of the greep, I
remember the bittersweet days of youth; and in this, the hour of triumph, it is meet to
remember that life is not always thus. Can I fix one for you?"
"Urg," said Nick.
"No, thanks," said Sidney.
"None for me, thank you," said Jasper.
"Does it have a kick?" asked Kraki:
"No," said Stantz, "it is not an alcoholic
beverage."
"Then vhat good is it?" complained Kraki.
"I'll try one, if I may," said Frer Mortise, raising one hand
hesitantly.
The others stared at him, while Stantz poured syrup and water into a
glass and chanted a brief incantation.
"The statue," said Timaeus brokenly. "The statue. Yes?
Can we talk about the statue yet?"
"Certainly," said Stantz. "What about it?"
"Where the devil is it?" Timaeus said.
"How should I know?" said Stantz.
"You had it, didn't you?" said Sidney.
"Yes, certainly," said Stantz. "Why are you interested,
if I may ask?"
"The mayor says they're the statue's legal owners," said
Wolfe.
Stantz snarled a noseful of spritzer and had to be patted on the back
for quite some time afterward. "How so?" he asked at last. "If legend be
true, Stantius himself is the legal owner, or perhaps the Dark Lord."
"Right of salvage," said Timaeus. "We found it in the
dungeon below Urf Durfal."
Stantz looked off into space thoughtfully. "Yes, there was-hmm.
Just a second." He reached down and pulled open a desk drawer. It was filled with
files, Sidney saw; that was reasonable enough, but the lever fixed to the side of the
drawer was unusual. Stantz yanked downward on the lever, the motion of someone working a
pump; with a whirr, the files spun into motion, a blur of paper inside the drawer. It was
as if, Sidney thought, the drawer opened onto a wheel stuffed with files, as if working
the lever spun the wheel, displaying a few feet of files to the drawer at a time, as if
the small file drawer somehow contained whole cabinets of paper, accessible through the
yank of a lever; impossible, Sidney scoffed to herself.
Or perhaps not, she considered. She'd heard of purses containing an
infinity of coin, wineskins capable of dispensing wine eternally. If magic could create
such things, why couldn't it store an entire department's paperwork in a single file
drawer? And wouldn't it be like the Hamsterians to put the romantic mystery of magic to
such mundane function?
At last, Stantz gave a grunt of satisfaction and pulled out a single
file folder. He placed it on his desk, opened it, and pulled over his light, on its
pulleys and gears, to shine on the folder's contents. He read for a moment, then put his
finger to a line of text. ". . . a party of adventurers in the employ of one Timaeus
d'Asperge, Magister Igniti, a gentleman of Athelstan," he read.
"I am he," said Timaeus.
Stantz looked up. "I suppose you can prove that?"
Timaeus looked faintly disgruntled. "My passport isback at the
pension," he said. "I had not expected an inquisition. It can be fetched,
if"
"Never mind," said Stantz, waving his enormous hand and
flipping through the file. "I shall take you at your word. Now wasn't there-yes, here
it is. Ah. Vincianus Polymage? How extraordinary. Is he still alive?"
"Technically," said Timaeus. "The body survives, albeit
the mind has seen better days."
"Taking it to Arst-Kara-Morn?" said Stantz, still scanning
the file. "My good man, how absurd!"
"How did you know that?" Sidney demanded.
Stantz looked up, smiling faintly. "We do have our sources, my
dear," he said. "Sir Ethelred of Athelstan may think he has the finest espionage
establishment in the human lands, but he is in error."
"You have a spy in the Athelstani Foreign Ministry?" said
Jasper.
Stantz blinked. "Do you expect me to comment?" he asked.
"Take it to Arst-Kara-Morn? Suppose the Dark Lord captures it? Idiotic idea."
"See here," said Timaeus, somewhat angrily, "it's no
concern of yours. It belongs to us; the Lord Mayor has specifically ordered you to
surrender it to us; we demand it. If you don't have it, the least you can do is tell us
who's got it, why, and how we can get it back."
"The Lord Mayor specifically ordered?" said Stantz. "Is
that so, Ren?"
Wolfe cleared her throat. "Yup," she said.
Stantz frowned. "Well, well, well," he said.
"Damn." He wheeled his chair over to one of the speaking tubes, and uncapped it.
"Kant!" he shouted down it. "Are you there?"
He put his ear to the tube and listened briefly, then put his mouth to
it again. "Kant! The statue! Did they pick it up?"
"Did who pick it up?" Sidney demanded, but Stantz shushed her
as he put his ear to the tube again.
"Damn," he said to himself as he listened. "At what
time?" he shouted, then frowned at the response. "Thank you, Kant!"
He moved to another tube, uncapped it, and shouted, "Bleichroder!
Immediate message to the Alcalan frontier! Are you there, dammit, Bleichroder? Yes, good.
Halt all elven travelers. Search possessions for a life-size statue of a human male, cast
of athenor Yes, athenor, dammit, Bleichroder At once! By crystal, of course. Good. Thank
you. "
He wheeled back to his desk. "We'll try to recover it, of
course," he said, "but I suspect it's unlikely"
Everyone started babbling at once. For long minutes, there was
pandemonium. At last, Sidney shouted, "Shut up!"
And miraculously, there was silence.
"To whom did you give it?" Sidney demanded.
"The elves," said Stantz.
"Why?" asked Sidney.
Stantz shrugged. "They asked for it," he said.
Sidney snorted. "If an orc had wandered in off the street and
asked for it, would you have said, `Sure, here it is, my compliments to the Dark
Lord'?"
"No, of course not," said Stantz in irritation. "But why
not give it to the elves?"
"Why should you give it to the elves?" Sidney
demanded.
Stantz spread his hands. "It's a hot potato," he said.
"Look what chaos it's wrought in Hamsterburg; if I kept it, seventy-three discrete
political factions would start plotting to get it away from me. Getting rid of it seemed
like an excellent idea."
"But what do the elves want with it?" asked Timaeus
plaintively.
No one had an answer for that.
After a long silence, Frer Mortise cleared his throat.
"Well," he said, "I've always wanted to visit the elven domains."
"1 haven't," said Jasper nastily.
"Twinkle-toed little snots," snarled Nick.
It was hard, thought the lich as it drove its horse to the limit of
endurance, to know which was the more otiose: the normal, everyday tedium of humdrum
existence, or the occasional bursts of desperate activity continued survival required.
It didn't know why it bothered. Continued survival hardly seemed worth
the bother. The true death would be almost welcome.
Although, it reflected, the terrified horse's hooves pounding
recklessly across some poor peasant's field, smashing sprouting wheat to the earth, the
difficulty with Dark Lords was that they wouldn't let you stay dead. Its own existence was
testimony to that. It was compelled to action not so much by the need to survive as by the
need to avoid spending the next millennium at the bottom of a dungheap, say, or
functioning as a birdfeeder. It had spent three centuries as a birdfeeder once, its skull
affixed to a post and filled with seed, and it still had a strong urge to smash songbirds
into bloody pulp whenever it heard them.
Arst-Kara-Morn was a lot bigger on the stick than the carrot.
Some peasant came running out of a shack, waving a sickle and cursing.
He ran to intercept the lich's horse, whose hooves were pounding the peasant's crop to
mud. The lich pulled back its cowl.
Its skull grinned emptily in the daylight. The peasant's eyes went wide
in fear; he stumbled away from the horse in terror.
It should never, thought the lich, have allowed von Grentz to keep the
statue. How quickly the fool had lost it! And now the elves had it.
It had a chance, albeit a slight one, a chance of getting it away from
them.
And presenting it on a platter to the Dark Lord. That would save its
bacon.
Not that it had any bacon to speak oЈ Or anything in the way of meat,
actually. Meat rots. Bones last a little longer.
Too long by half, it mused glumly.
The horse stumbled, slowed, collapsed to the ground. The lich jumped
lithely from its back, then went to examine the beast.
It was dying, heart burst from its exertion.
Casually, the lich drained the last of its life energy, then went to
look for another creature to run into exhaustion.
The, Um, Intermezzo
One Quest, Hold the Dragons
The reluctant heroes of Another Day, Another Dungeon are at it again!
Cast of Characters
OUR HEROES
Timaeus d'Asperge, Magister Igniti
Sidney Stollitt, of the firm of Stollitt & Pratchitt
Nick Pratchitt, likewise
Kraki Kronarsson, descendant of Gostorn Gaptoothйd, Mighty Pie-Eater
Jasper de Mobray, Magister Mentis
Vincianus Polymage, absent more often than not
Frer Mortise, adept of Deeset
BIDDLEBOURGEOIS
Barthold, Baron Biddleburg
Bertnam, his heir, Magister Aeris
Broderick, regent, Barthold's younger brother
Captain Slentz, of the castle guard
Beatrice of the Band, rebel and love interest
Mr. Bates, the butler
Mistress Mabel, of the International Amalgamated Sisterhood of Witches & Allied Trades
Master Woodsley, a yeoman
Marek and Gaston, soldiers
Master Gorham, a stonewright and rebel sympathizer
HAMSTERIANS
Lotte, an innkeeper
Pablo von Kremnitz, Leftenant, Mayoral Foot Guard
Hamish Siebert, Lord Mayor of the Most Serene Republic of Hamsterburg
Guismundo Stantz, "The Spider," Minister of Internal Serenity
Renйe Wolfe, his best agent, Magistra Umbrae
Gerlad, Graf von Grentz, patriarch of the gens von Grentz and a leader of the Accommodationists
Julio von Krautz, patriarch of the gens von Krautz and ineffectual conservative
Fenstermann, the reluctant torturer
Mauro and Kevork, guisardieres
Stauer, master of the Pension Scholari
Agent G, of the Ministry of Internal Serenity, seventh in a strictly limited series
Chad, a troll
Millicent, Egbert and Rutherford, house guests of the Graf von Grentz
Magistra Rottwald and Serjeant Kunz, lackeys of von Grentz
ALSO
Beliel, an elf
HOLD THE DRAGONS
Timaeus d'Asperge stood unsteadily before his parlor window, snifter of
brandy cradled in one hand and meerschaum in the other. Out there, a cold, late-winter
rain gave a glossy patina to the cobblestones and stoops. Wind pattered rain against the
window, hard enough to rattle the panes. He shivered, though the coals were heaped high in
the grate and the room was warm enough to be uncomfortable to anyone who wasn't a fire
mage. He became suddenly aware that he was weaving on his feet, late hours and too much
brandy catching up with himand that the parlor windows extended to within a cubit of
the floor. If he were to lose his footing and pitch forward, he'd find himself cracking
his skull open on the slate flags of the sidewalk below. He began to contemplate retiring
to his bed, another dull day completed.
And they were dull days, he had to admit. He had his master's, he had
enough wealth to live comfortably the rest of his days, he had his clubs
and his companionsbut it didn't seem enough. He almost missed the adventurer's life,
the moments of blind terror and adversity; but the purpose of adventure was wealth, after
all, and he had that now, in sufficiency. Perhaps his father was right, he reflected; he
needed a wife, children, a life. Or perhaps he should return to the university, and pursue
a doctorate; heaven knew what he would do with another degree, but the pursuit of one
would give him at least the illusion of purpose.
Sighing, he set down his drinktossing it off would only render
him more inebriate, something he really didn't needand put one hand on the window
frame, to brace himself as he took a last look out into the cold, wet dark before going to
bed. There was something reassuring about the fury of the weather; something that said
that the world of nature continued oblivious to the works of man, that human strife was
immaterial; something that said
"Boodabooodaboodabooda!"
A horrible white apparition sucked up against the glass of the window,
face smeared against the pane, body sprawled askew. A creature of the night, an undead, a
vile shapechangerTimaeus leapt back in alarm, pipe flying. He shouted the Words of a
spell
"Heh heh," chuckled the apparition through the window.
"Gotcha."
It was, Timaeus realized disgustedly, some decrepit wino, some filthy
beggar who had crept up the stoop and flung himself against the adjoining parlor window.
Timaeus stormed into the hall and flung open the door, to give the bum a piece of his
mind
Rain crashed into cobbles. Water plastered the old man's white hair to
his skull; he smirked toothlessly at Timaeus. "Gotcha, Timmy," he said.
"Vic," said Timaeus resignedly. "What the devil are you
doing out on a night like this?"
"Need to talk with you, Timmy," said Vic.
"Don't call me Timmy, by Dion," said Timaeus. "No one's
called me Timmy in fifteen years. Come in, come in; you must be chilled unto death."
"Nope," said Vincianus, coming in. "Reshishtance to
cold. Eashy enough shpell."
Timaeus held open the door as Vic entered, and got a whiff of the old
man. "I say, Vic," he said, "when did you last bathe?"
Vic came in, levered himself arthritically onto the settee, and
snatched Timaeus's snifter, the contents of which he gulped greedily down. "Let'sh
shee," he said. "The Third Interregnum, wash it? No, I dishtinctly recall a bath
during the War of the Liliesh. Or, wait; didn't I shower in"
"Never mind," said Timaeus, yanking on the bellpull.
"More brandy?"
"Never turn that down," said Vic.
By the time Vic was on his third snifter, Reginald appeared at the door
to the hall, yawning and tying the belt to his robe. "Yes, sir?" he inquired.
"Sorry to wake you, Reginald," said Timaeus apologetically,
"but we have an unexpected guest. Could you draw Vincianus a bath?"
Reginald gave Vic a glare of undisguised loathing. "Certainly,
sir," he said distantly. "This way, if you will."
By the time Reginald returned, with a well-scrubbed and faintly
rebellious Vic, Timaeus was snoring soundly on the settee.
"By crumb!" roared Kraki. "You have the temerity to ask
Kraki, son of Kronar, for a raise? You effete civilized putz, I spit on you!"
"See here, mate," said the clerk defensively, "I'm your
best salesman, I am. How many blades have I sold in the last fiscal quarter?"
"Folk buy swords from Kraki because Kraki have best swords,"
shouted the barbarian. "Not because puling pantyvaist inveigle them! Out of my
shop!"
"You can't fire me, you lout!" shouted the clerk. "I
quit! And much luck to you, I don't think!"
"Bah!" shouted Kraki. "Get out! Before I smite you, hip
and thigh!"
Kraki glared through the plate glass into the morning sun. The clerk
marched down the street, out past the gilt letters that read "Fast Kraki's Flashing
Swords" and "Barbarian Blades Are Better!" The swine was his best salesman,
no doubt about it, but to ask for a raise! Was this the way of honor? Was this the way of
courage? He want a raise, he should demand it like a man, not wheedle like a puling babe!
Scum-sucking civilized turds, they were all alike.
The door tinkled as a customer entered. Some fop; in a faggotty hat and
hose. As he examined the blades in their brackets against the walls, the stacked daggers
and knives, he took snuff from the back of his hand. Kraki curled a lip.
"I say, my good man," said the customer. "Would you have
something in an йpйe."
"Йpйe, you catamite?" snarled Kraki. "I do not sell
such filth. Ve have honest, manly veapons here. Here, look at this claymore. Sixteen
pounds of hard-slung steel, fit to smash the pate of the fiercest foe, honed to a razor
edge."
"Err, yes," said the fop, "but I am rather in the market
for a duelist's weapon. I'm afraid this is just a tad too heavy"
"Too heavy?" said Kraki. "Too heavy for the likes of
you, belike. A hatpin, you vant; or perhaps a letter opener. Here." He handed the fop
a cheese knife. "This should do you. I vill not sell good steel to the likes of you.
Get out of my store."
"Well!" said the dandy. "I never!" And he left.
Kraki glowered out into the morning sun. It had seemed like a good
idea. Who knew weapons better than he? Would they not flock to buy their blades from
Kraki, son of Kronar? Barbarian chic would see to that. But it hadn't worked. You had to
write little numbers in books and do something mystical with them; they never came out
right. And the damned government wouldn't let you slay the accountants for the lying
cheats they were; by crumb, the Financial Accounting Standards Board would see some
changes, if he were king!
What would they think of him, back home? They would laugh at him,
that's what. Win a fortune by force of arms, and sink it all into some stinking shop. Ach,
what an idiot he was. He should build a pile with the skulls of his creditors, that's what
he should do, and ride off to slay dragons.
"And on the night of October the seventeenth, on or about the
eleventh hour of the clock," droned the prosecutor, "did you or did you not
forcibly enter the premises of one Johnson Merriweather the Third?"
"I did not," said Nick Pratchitt.
The prosecutor raised an eyebrow. "And yet," he said,
"we have heard the testimony of Officer Sams of the Town Guard, that he found you in
the guest bedroom closet in Mr. Merriweather's mansion after being summoned to the house
by Mr. Merriweather. Are you calling Officer Sams a liar?"
"No," said Nick. "But I didn't enter the house forcibly.
I was invited."
"I see," said the prosecutor, with heavy sarcasm. "You
were invited into the house as an honored guest, which is why, when Mr. Merriweather went
to investigate a noise that disturbed his repose, you found it necessary to secrete
yourself in a closet."
"Nonetheless," Nick insisted, "I was invited."
"And who," said the prosecutor, "invited you? A little
birdie?"
"Samantha," said Nick.
The prosecutor's jaw dropped. There were titters from the gallery.
"Mrs.Mrs. Merriweather?" he said.
"Uh huh," said Nick.
The prosecutor shot a look of black hatred at Mr. Merriweather, who had
evidently failed to alert him to the possibility that Nick's testimony might follow these
lines. "I see" he said in annoyance. "And why did Mrs. Merriweather invite
you inside at so late an hour?"
Nick gave him a wicked grin. "I prefer not to say," he said.
The prosecutor snorted. "Even if your chances of avoiding
conviction depend on your testimony?"
Nick glanced at the jury, and adopted an expression of false nobility.
"There are some things," he said, "that a gentleman does not discuss."
There were more titters from the gallery. Merriweather le mari looked
mortified.
The prosecutor whirled on the judge. "Your Honor," he said in a
long-suffering tone, "I ask for a short recess." The judge, a shrunken little
man in black robes several
sizes too large for him, roused himself from an apparent reverie, and
quavered, "Wherefore?"
"There are matters," said the prosecutor, "I must
discuss with the complainant."
"Granted," said the judge. "We shall reconvene in an
hour."
One of the women on the jury, a plump but not unattractive matron of at
least forty, gave Nick a hard stare. He winked at her, and smiled as she blushed from the
neckline up.
From far away came the sound of the monsoon. Somewhat closer, a cough
sounded; a panther in the jungle, that was it. A panther coughed, amid the dense foliage
of the"Excuse me, sir," said the panther. "Your bath is drawn and
ready."
Timaeus opened sleep-gummed eyes. Dwarves beat out magic blades inside
his skull. Reginald stood there, looking crow-like in black clothes.
"Dammit," croaked Timaeus, "what time is it?"
"Nearly eleven," said Reginald.
Timaeus closed his eyes. "Wake me at two, then, if you will."
"Ahem," said Reginald with determination. "Excuse me,
sir."
Timaeus opened one aching eye. "What is it?" he moaned.
"Your guest, sir," said Reginald.
"What guest?" said Timaeus.
"Vincianus Polymage, I believe he is called," said Reginald.
Timaeus recalled something dimly. "Yes," he said. "Let
him sleep, too."
"He has been up," said Reginald, "since six."
"All right," said Timaeus, sighing. "Keep him
entertained then, please." He closed his eyes.
"Ahem," said Reginald.
"What the devil is it?" snapped Timaeus, opening his eyes
again and instantly regretting having done so.
"Mr. Polymage has ensconced himself in the kitchen," said
Reginald, "where he has located all Cook's pans, and is in the process of preparing
cornmeal flapjacks."
"Yes, good for him," said Timaeus testily. "If he wants
to make himself pancakes, by all means let -w"
"He has been cooking pancakes since six this morning," said
Reginald. "We've been out four times for additional cornmeal."
Timaeus gazed wordlessly on his valet.
"He keeps on talking about `the Legion,' and muttering something
about `An army travels on its stomach.' `The boys will be hungry,' he says. I estimate we
currently have fifteen linear cubits of stacked flapjacks."
Timaeus groaned and sat up. After a moment, the urge to retch faded.
"All right, all right," he moaned. "I'll try to talk sense into him. In the
meantime, have the girl take the pancakes down to Father Thwaite's mission. No doubt they
can find some use for them."
"Very good, sir."
"Really, Priscilla," said Laura, long nails slicing fivefold
paths through the air in a gesture eloquent of disdain, "this notion of yours is
quite impossible."
"Look, Mom," said Sidney. "Figures don't lie. Roomnights
are down fifteen percent compared to last year's figures, the girls are idle four hours
out of every ten, our gross receipts are down by a third"
"I'm aware of the numbers," said Laura. "But"
"Aware of the numbers?" protested Sidney. "The hell you
are! You never look at the damned numbers! That's why you wound up in hock to the mob the
first time round. You"
"Priscilla, you are such a child, sometimes," said
Laura. "When one has been in the business as long as I, one develops an instinct for
these things. I'm aware that business is slow. With the war on, business is slow
everywhere; just one of those things, you know. We must carry on"
"It doesn't matter why business is down," said Sidney in a
dangerous tone. "What matters is, what are we going to do about it? How can it hurt
to advertise, to"
"To have pimps standing on every street corner, saying `Psst!
Wanna have a good time?' " said Laura contemptuously. "Madame Laura's is not
some disease-ridden neighborhood cathouse, my dear. We run a first-class bordello, and I
won't stoop"
"Ma!" said Sidney. "It's not like that! We're talking
about well-dressed gentlemen standing outside the betterclubs, handing out discreet
pasteboard cards. Cards, by the way, printed with an original etching by de Lauvient
"
"Avant-garde dauber," sneered Laura.
"A first-rate artist," said Sidney with determination.
"And the legend merely says, `Madame Laura's,' with the address. Of course it's
important to retain our reputation for discretion and exclusivity; of course we
wouldn't want to do anything downmarket, anything . . ."
"Dйclassй," supplied Laura.
"Anything dйclassй," said Sidney. "But we do need to
drum up some business, and"
"Next you'll have the girls standing out front and hiking up their
skirts," said Laura. "My dear, you must leave the business to more experienced
heads. Really, Priscilla"
"Stop calling me that!" shouted Sidney.
"Now, then, dear," said Laura. "If you're going to
scream at me, I refuse to continue this conversation"
"What conversation?" shouted Sidney. "We don't have
conversations! I propose ideas, you sneer at them, then you lecture me! That's your idea
of a conversation!"
"Darling, you might give some slight consideration to the notion
that perhaps I do have some idea what I'm doing," said Laura. "I have been
running this business for close to thirty years, you know."
"Running it into the ground, that's what you're doing,"
shouted Sidney, hurling the card samples onto Laura's desk and storming from the office.
The heavy wooden door slammed behind her. Why, oh why had she let
herself get dragged back into the business? She stamped down the richly carpeted hall,
past the rows of oaken doors with their brass numbers. Six was the only one occupied at
present, she noticed; faint moans came from within. One room out of twelve, on this floor.
"Slow" wasn't the word for business.
Well, it had been necessary to bail her mother out, hadn't it?
Couldn't leave her in hock to the elven gangsters. And that left Sidney with half
the family business; could she stand aloof and watch as her mother drove it into the
ground once more?
She'd run away from home once before. "Running away isn't the
answer," Father Thwaite had told her.
Well, then, she thought savagely, what is?
"Yes, yes, delicious, thank you, Vic," said Timaeus, not
entirely happily.
"Eat up, eat up, boyo," said Vic, slapping him on the back
and smiling broadly. "Can't march on an empty shtomach."
"Mmm," said Timaeus through a mouthful of pancake; it wasn't
half bad, actually. He reached for a cup of tea to wash it down. "Now, then; what was
it you wanted to talk to me about?"
Vic stared at him blankly. "Talk ... ?" he said. "What
wash your name, shonny?"
Timaeus sighed. "Timaeus d' Asperge, Vic," he said patiently.
"Remember? I found the statue of Stantius?"
Vic blinked. "Found the-wash it losht?" He frowned, and
mumbled puzzledly to himself.
Reginald entered, bearing a folded newspaper atop a silver tray.
"I thought you might want this, sir," he said, handing it to Timaeus.
"Special edition."
And it was. The Durfalian News-Gazette was a morning paper; it
was unusual for them to print an edition so late.
"ISH FALLS!" screamed the headline. Timaeus didn't think
he'd ever seen type quite so large.
Vic peered over his shoulder. "Ish fallsh!" he said
excitedly. "Orcsh are gonna be all over the Bibblian plain. Better get your ash in
gear, shonny."
"What do you mean?" asked Timaeus
"Get your damned companionsh together and get cracking on this
quesht, by cracky!" said Vic. "No more dillyfuddling around, or you're going to
wind up in shometroll'sh larder, that'sh what I shay. You and half the human race."
"Off on this quest thing, again, what?" said Timaeus tiredly.
"You know what the others say"
Vic smiled faintly. "Ashked 'em recently?" he said craftily.
"Maybe they've changed their mindsh. Like you have, eh, Timmy?"
Timaeus blinked. Had he? Taking Stantius to Arst-Kara-Morn still
sounded like suicide, did it not?
He looked at the headline. The gods, duty, and nation, what? A
comfortable life didn't look like it was in the cards. If he stayed here another few
months, he'd probably wind up drafted.
Yes, actually; perhaps he had changed his mind.
"We do not," said the majordomo freezingly, "permit
riffraff in the Millennium."
"Riffraff!" protested Nick. "What do you mean,
riffraff?"
"Please," said the majordomo. "I suppose you imagine
that, that thing you are wearing makes you appear to be a gentleman. The very
supposition marks you out as the most vulgar, gutter-dwelling"
"Ahem," coughed Timaeus. "He's with me."
The majordomo's jaw dropped. "Thisare you certain,
sir?" he said.
"Yes, I'm afraid so," said Timaeus apologetically. He could
see the wheels turn in the man's mind; no doubt within minutes it would be all over the
servants' quarters that Timaeus d' Asperge had problems with gambling debts. Certainly
Pratchitt looked every inch the racetrack tout.
"I thought these duds were first-class," Nick complained as
Timaeus guided him up the wide marble stairs. "Fellow in the shop said they were all
the rage."
"Really, Nick," said Timaeus. "Checked hose? And
your hat looks like an admiral's. Next time you want to buy something to impress
anyone other than your lowlife companions, do let me know. Or Sidney; she's had enough
exposure to"
"Don't talk to me about Sidney," Nick said. "She's still
mad at me for"
"There you are, Nick," said Sidney. She sat in an armchair by
a small teak table, wearing, in deference to the customs of the club, a modest black
dress. Jasper hung in the air nearby, while Vic sprawled back in his own armchair,
snoring. Reginald had managed to get Vic, at least, into suitable attire. "Glad to
see you're still out of jail," Sidney said.
"I ought to be, given my legal bills," said Nick. "You
can't believe what lawyers charge"
"If you'd stop cuckolding rich men," said Sidney, "you
wouldn't wind up in court so much."
"Yeah, I suppose," said Nick, "but the problem with
cuckolding poor men is they'd rather kill than sue you."
"You don't have to do either," said Sidney. "If you need
your ashes hauled, I can get you a very good deal."
"That's not the point," said Nick. "It's the chase
that's interesting, not the conclusion."
"Now, now," said Timaeus. "Let's not fight yet, shall
we? Where's Garni?"
"If you'd kept in touch," said Sidney freezingly, "you'd
know that he left for Dwarfheim months ago. Death in the family, or something."
"Errm, well, yes," said Timaeus, fumbling with his pipe.
"I have been rather preoccupied, haven't I?"
"No," said Nick. "You just didn't want to talk to
yourlowlife companions, wasn't that the phrase? Rather hobnob with"
"Well, I apologize if it seemed that way," said Timaeus.
"But"
"But nothing," said Sidney heatedly. "Nick's right.
You"
A crash sounded from the stairwell. "By all the gods!" came a
bellow. "Kraki, son of Kronar, goes vhere he vills!"
"Oop," said Timaeus, rising hastily. "Better go collect
Kraki, what?"
There was an awkward silence in his absence. Nick tried to catch the
eye of a waiterTimaeus could probably be induced to pay for the drinksbut they
seemed to evade his gaze with consummate ease. "So, Sidney," he said at last,
"how's business?"
"Terrible," she said. "And Mom's driving me nuts."
"That was predictable," said Nick.
"You're enjoying yourself, I suppose?" she said resentfully.
"Always wanted to be rich. Now you can spend every waking hour chasing"
"Actually," said Nick, "I'm pretty sick of it. I'm in
court all the time, I don't dare pull off a heist because I've got enough troubles, and
anyway, I don't need the money; I can only spend so much time at the track before I go
nutsyou know, a life of leisure is not all it's cracked up to be."
"Poor boy," said Sidney coldly. "What about you,
Jasper?"
"Actually, you know," said the green light, "I've been
quite enjoying myself. Joined up with some youngsters in a couple of little forays into
the Caverns; felt good to be on an expedition again. And those lads desperately need a
wiser head among them, I must say; not making adventurers like they used to. Either that,
or I've forgotten how much of an idiot I was when I first started out."
"You've taken up adventuring again?" said Sidney. "Why
would you risk your life like that? You don't need the money."
"True enough," said Jasper, "but business is down at the
shop, andyou know, I quite enjoyed our little run-in. When Timaeus asked me if I
wanted to join you in your venture, I"
"Venture?" said Sidney. "Oh, no-Vic's quest? Is that
what this is about?"
Timaeus approached with a glowering Kraki. "Ale, lackey!"
Kraki shouted at one of the waiters. "Bring it quick, by the gods, or you feel the
bite of barbarian steel!"
"Simmer down, Kraki," said Timaeus.
"You vant another shop?" Kraki said to Jasper. "I give
to you. Make very good deal."
"Very generous of you, to be sure," said Jasper,
"but"
"I ride for northland tomorrow," said Kraki. "Get out of
stinking city. Had enough."
"I thought you said you'd help Vic on his quest," Timaeus
said.
Kraki blinked. "Veil, sure," he said. "Good idea, test
mettle against all the forces of evil, for sure. But I thought all you pansies said no,
yah?"
"We're having a bit of a rethink," said Timaeus.
"You're having a bit of a rethink," said Nick. "Me,
I've got a court date at two o'clock. Throwing my young life away on some fool"
"You haven't seen the papers?" said Timaeus.
"Sure," said Nick. "The orcs have overrun Ishkabibble.
So?"
"Stay here, and you'll be drafted within the year. I guarantee
it," said Timaeus.
Nick contemplated that. "Probably," he said.
"But"
"Do you know what the casualty rate was on the Ish front?"
said Timaeus.
"Well," said Nick. "Yeah. But I can always cut out for
Far Moothlay, or"
"Good heavens!" said Jasper in astonishment. "I knew you
were a cautious fellow, young Pratchitt, but I had noidea you were a craven swine! When
the nation calls, will you not answer?"
"No," said Nick, "I won't."
Vic, who had woken up some time ago and had followed this exchange with
interest, began to speak Words of power. The others fell silent and watched him until he
was done. Vic pointed at Nick and spoke the final Words; a line of viridian energy
stretched from his finger toward Nick's crotch. "Better come along, shonny," he
cackled.
"Why?" said Nick.
"Or your thing' l1 fall off," said Vic.
"My"
"Yup," said Vic. There was silence for a long moment.
"Just promise me one thing," Nick said.
"What'sh that?" Vic asked.
"No dragons," said Nick. "All right? Is that too much to
ask? Orcs and trolls and basilisks, fine; goblins and wyverns and the gods know what-all,
jake by me. But leave out the dragons, okay?"
"What've you got againsht dragonsh?" demanded Vic. "Fine
traditional part of a quesht, dragonsh."
"I don't like dragons," said Nick. "I don't like
unicorns, either, but I'm just asking about dragons. All right? No dragons, or I
stay."
Vic shrugged. "Do my besht," he said. "Can't promishe
shome fool lizard won't shtick hish head where it oughtn't to be. But we aren't heading
into dragon country, anyway."
"All right," said Nick. "I'll come, then."
"That just leaves you, Sidney," said Timaeus. They all looked
at her; she looked rather uncomfortably back.
"What about Father Thwaite?" she said.
"I've already asked him," said Timaeus. "He's under
strict orders, apparently. I talked to the abbot, who seemed to appreciate the direness of
our task, but he refused to release Thwaite from his vows. Perhaps correctly; while it is
true that he's been on the wagon for some time, we cannot be confident of his sobriety
once he departs the monastery."
"And Garni's gone," said Sidney. "Oh, hell, I'll come.
If they're going to be drafting every man in sight, business is going to dry up
entirely."
"Suicide," moaned Nick.
"Buck up, man," said Jasper in disgust. "Are we not
heroes? Does not the right triumph?"
"No," said Nick, "and no. What about the statue? Every
wizard in the world will be able to track us as we travel; when we get to the Dark Lands,
we'll be snatched up instantly, like hors d'oeuvres on a tray."
"Have a little faith," said Vic. "I put a shpell on it.
Short of an invishibility to magic thing. Nobody'sh going to be detecting that shtatue, or
my name ishn't Polykarpush Magicush."
"Your name isn't Polykarpus Magicus," Timaeus pointed
out.
"Jusht hedging my betsh," said Vic.
"How very reassuring," said Timaeus.
"Shpeaking of hors d'oeuvreshthey have lobshter on the menu
here, Timmy? Didn't get to be two thoushand by shitting around waiting for lunch, by
cracky. Which way'sh the dining room?"
Part 1.
Omnia Vincit Amor
I.
Above the mountains shone a brilliant sun, casting its rays across an
azure sky. Green-clad slopes lifted upward to snowy peaks; the cool mountain air was
freshened with the scent of pine. Across the wilderness stretched a single road; and along
that road, upward into the mountains, came a merchant caravan, consisting of a single
wagon and outriders.
An observer-a bandit, say, lurking in the woods atop one of the many
rises cut through by the road-would have seen nothing amiss in the scene. There is
considerable trade up and down the road, for the Iscabalian Way is the most direct route
from Urf Durfal to Ishkabibble, and the Biddleburg Pass, toward which it rises, the most
convenient traverse across the Dzorzian Range. And the riders, diverse lot though they
were, were clad as merchants might be clad. Oh, not the bare-chested barbarian, to be
sure, but it was usual for merchants to hire guards of one kind or another, in these
unhappy times. Legend has it that, in the days of Imperium, an undefended lass bearing
armbands of gold, roped pearls, and showers of gems might have ridden from one end of the
land to the other without molestation; alas, whatever the truth of such tales, the modern
world is far less orderly. Merchants habitually travel with armed guardians.
It would have taken close inspection to shake the initial impression. A
keen eye might have seen that one of the riders rode quite adequately without a mount;
indeed, without corporeal existence whatsoever, as he consisted solely of a small point of
green light, flitting through the air at sufficient speed to remain abreast of the horses
of the others. Another of the merchants was a wizard of at least minor power, as he proved
by lighting his pipe with a spell-enveloping his head in flames in the process, to no ill
effect. And the sight of an ancient codger, snoring toothlessly at the rear of the wagon,
might have raised questions also; what purpose would merchants have in hauling a senile
old graybeard about?
It is well, therefore, that our observers, whatever their other
characteristics, were neither as keen-eyed nor as questioning as they might have been.
Fleecy clouds floated lazily across an azure sky. Mighty firs rose from
either side of the road, limbs stretching outward as if to catch the benison of the sun.
The air was cool, the breeze a gentle one. It was the sort of day that lifts the soul,
that seems to beckon one on to adventure. On such a day, it would take grim determination
to feel anything less than contentment.
Sidney Stollitt glowered distrustfully at the trees. Behind every curve
she expected an ambuscade. She, who walked the roughest streets of the city without fear,
felt utterly out of place in this bucolic wilderness. Her unease was merely sharpened by
the lightheartedness of her companions: No one was keeping a proper watch.
Kraki Kronarsson rode behind, chanting the sagas of his barbarian youth
to himself. Nick Pratchitt rode aboard thewagon, reins in his hand and idly speculating on
the likelihood that the mountains were inhabited by dragons. Vic, as usual, was sound
asleep, snoring into his scraggly white beard. And the mages, Timaeus and Jasper, rode
ahead, talking good-naturedly of nothing much.
"Amazing engineering, those Imperial chaps, what?" said
Timaeus about the stem of his pipe. Smoke curled into the pine-scented air. "I mean
to say, running a road into these mountains at a constant grade. Couldn't be done today, I
should think."
Jasper floated alongside, matching the speed of Timaeus's mount.
"Oh, I don't know," said the green spot of light. "Magical knowledge has
increased, if anything, since Imperial times."
"Nonsense," said Timaeus. The doctrine of decline from the
Golden Age was the fundament of all historical knowledge, or so he had been taught at
university; he was surprised that as educated a man as Jasper could hold so ill-informed
an opinion. "The works of the ancients vastly outshine anything accomplished in the
modern age."
Sidney grimaced, studying the road ahead. The grade might be constant,
but it was uphill; they were climbing into the mountains, whose white-capped peaks lifted
high on the horizon ahead. The horses pulled onward, smoothly but under some strain; they
would need to be rested soon. The road curved frequently, no doubt to maintain the grade;
there was no telling what might lurk behind the next twist or turn.
Far up the road and high into the mountains, Sidney could just barely
see the ramparts of Biddleburg Castle. With luck, they would reach it by nightfall. It was
wedged between two mountains, athwart the Iscabalian Way, the seat of Baron Biddleburg,
who ruled all the land for, say, half a day's ride from his castle. A petty domain, but
not a poor one; the geography conspired to let him impose a stiff tariff on the trade that
went up and down this road.
To either side of the Iscabalian Way was dense coniferous
forestpines, firs, and hemlocks. Sidney examined the woods mistrustfully. Bandits,
familiar with the land, could appear from the greenwood at any momentand melt away
once they had despoiled the caravan.
"I say," said Timaeus, "here's an example, up ahead. To
keep the road level, they had to cut through the hill. To reduce the rock to magma and
clear a path"
"Bosh,". said Jasper. "How typical for a fire mage to
propose an incendiary solution. Rather than melting your way through the rock, wouldn't it
be easier to cause the earth to subside?"
Yes, there was a road cut ahead. Cliffs, perhaps eight cubits in
height, rose to either side of the road. Atop the cliffs were trees. A perfect spot for an
ambush, Sidney thought unhappily. A foe would have the advantage of them, atop the cliff,
protected by the wood.... She rode up toward the two magicians.
"Cause the earth to subside?" said Timaeus indignantly.
"How the deuce does one cause the earth to subside? You seem to imagine that ordering
solid rock from place to place is as easy as squishing pureed vegetables with the flat of
a knife!"
"Perhaps it is," insisted Jasper, "if one is an earth
mage"
"Listen," interrupted Sidney, "we're riding along as if
we don't have a care in the world. For all we know, these woods are filled with bandits.
And that cliff up there is an ideal spot for an ambush. In fact, there are ideal spots for
ambushes about every three yards on this damn road"
"Don't be absurd, my dear," said Timaeus. "This is a
civilized area. I'm sure the road is well patroll"
Sssssh-TRUNK. A clothyard shaft protruded from the headboard of the
wagon, inches from Nick's ear. He had been cracking pecans, and froze in an attitude of
surprise, a handful of nuts halfway to his mouth.
"Stand as I bid ye, fellows, lest subsequent shafts find deadlier
mark," rang out a voicecuriously, the voice of awoman. And there on the cliff
above crouched a good dozen ruffians, unkempt as one might expect brigands to be, wearing
worn and patched clothing in green and brown. Each held a longbow, each with an arrow
nocked, each string drawn full back.
Sidney drew a ragged breath. Her sword was of no use; there was no way
to close with the highwaymen before they could shoot. "Timaeus!" she whispered
urgently, trying not to move her lips. "A fireball ..."
But he was ahead of her. He was chanting in a low voice, hands waving
over his head in a ritual gesture. One hand held his meerschaum pipe, which
went spinning off across the road to smash into the scree of
shale at the base of the cliff. "I say!" protested Timaeus, peering woundedly
toward it.
"No magic," quoth the female voice, "or the next shaft
shall pierce thy throat."
"Dash it all!" said Timaeus. "That's my best pipe!"
There was a scurry of motion from Kraki's direction. He was crouching
atop his horse, standing on the saddle; arrows shot toward him as he launched himself in a
mighty leap toward the cliff top, sword already drawn. Shafts whizzed past him as he
grabbed the cliff edge, scrambled over it, raised his sword
A quarterstaff smashed into the side of his head. He was propelled
groggily back over the cliff, bouncing off the shale and smashing into the road below.
A woman in forest green stood atop the cliff edge, quarterstaff in her
hands. Close-cropped hair shone brilliantly red in the afternoon sun. "That will be
all, I trust?" she inquired in an amused tone.
Sidney looked about. Kraki was sitting up, groaning and holding his
head. Timaeus chewed his lower lip unhappily. Sidney herself saw no point in resisting.
Nick was surveying the woman with a definite leer. Sidney gave a silent
snarl.
Where, she wondered, was Jasper? The green light had disappeared.
The woman dropped lightly to the roadbed, quarterstaff still in hand.
The line of bowmen remained atop the cliff, bows drawn, unmoving. "Good morrow,
gentles," the woman said cheerfully. "We'll take up donations, now, if you
will."
"Donations?" inquired Timaeus.
"Quite so, quite so," said she. "The poor groan under
the usurper's oppression. 'Tis our unhappy task to alleviate their plight by extracting
revenues from travelers. Your purse, now, and yarely, if you please."
"So the money you steal goes to the poor?" asked Nick
skeptically. "A coin or two doesn't stick to your fingers?"
"Certes," said the woman, giving him a smile. "How would
we live elsewise? Come, sir; your purse."
"Can I ask your name, doll?" said Nick.
She tossed her head, as if she were used to having longer hair.
"You are taxed," she said, "by Beatrice of the Band." With a dagger,
she cut Nick's purse loose from his belt, and pocketed it.
"Taxed?" sputtered Timaeus. "This is nothing but common
brigandage!"
"The hypocrisy of the aristocracy," Beatrice said
sardonically, as she lifted Timaeus's purse. "It is taxation when Broderick's men dig
up the meager grain a peasant stores against famine, or burn an entire village when coin
is not forthcoming-but brigandage when we take a little pelf for better cause. Come, our
taxation is lighter, and more just."
"A fancy excuse for stealing," said Sidney. She had nothing
much against theft, herself, but rather balked at such self-satisfied moralizing.
"Fancy or not," said Beatrice cheerfully, accepting Sidney's
purse. "Without divine sanction, temporal power is mere oppression."
"Who is this Broderick?" asked Timaeus. "I had thought
Baron Biddleburg's name was Barthold."
Beatrice looked at him more closely. "It is," she said.
"He is senile. His brother has taken the reins of power, curse him."
"And what of Bertram, the heir?"
"That twit?" said Beatrice with contempt. She had finished
collecting funds from the party. "We shall leave you with the contents of your wagon,
as the baron's men would be upon us before we could finish searching. And now, adieu."
With that, she ran to the cliff face, where one of the brigands had lowered a rope.
She hurled her quarterstaff upwardanother bandit caught itand clambered up the
rope with a monkey's agility.
And as quickly as they had come, the brigands were gone, fading away
into the woods.
There was silence for a moment. Timaeus dismounted and went to get his
pipe.
"Mighty adventurers we," said Sidney savagely, "unable
to repel a passel of backwoods banditti."
Kraki pulled himself up the side of the wagon. "Vhere is
vhisky?" he demanded. "My head hurts like devil."
Nick was still staring dreamily up at the cliff, a vague smile on his
face. "You," said Sidney, giving him a poke. "If you'd had the guts to back
Kraki up . . ."
"Oh, come, Sidney," said Timaeus, packing his pipe.
"We're lucky we didn't suffer worse."
A point of green light spiraled down from above their heads.
"Bracing, what?" said Jasper. "Nothing like a moment of mortal danger to
put a little spring in your step, eh?"
"And where the hell were you?" demanded Sidney.
"Oh, I was about, never fear," said Jasper. "Please be
so good as to check your purse, Miss Stollitt."
"My purse? Some hairy peasant is pawing through it at this
very"
Sidney realized that her right hand had touched the purse at her belt.
Slowly, she opened the drawstring, emptied the coins into her hand, and counted them. It
was all still there. "But I saw her take it," she said.
"Quite, quite," said Jasper in a self-satisfied tone.
"She saw it, too. Or thought she did."
The others had realized that they, too, retained their wealth. "I
say," said Timaeus admiringly, "how did you do that?"
"Oh, simple enough," said Jasper. "A mental suggestion
or two ... trivial, really. It seemed the easiest way to defuse the situation."
"Good work," said Sidney reluctantly. "But we'd better
get organized before they realize they've been taken and come back. I want you flying
overhead, Jasper, to warn us if anyone's waiting along the road. I want Nick to ride well
behind, to sneak up and help if we're caught again; and I want Kraki"
The barbarian groaned.
"Never mind," said Sidney.
Evening was nigh, the sun's rays slanting low from the west. Ahead, the
pass was blocked by the walls of Biddleburg, which protected both the castle itself and
the small town that clustered about it The road led toward a gatehouse, a grim stone
structure with arrow slits, allowing enfilade fire across the road, and a portcullis, now
raised but evidently ready to bar the way. The opening itself was large enough to admit
two carts abreast Two soldiers stood with axes, along with their serjeant, who looked
quite bored.
"I say," complained Jasper. "Is this charade really
necessary?"
"We've been over this before," said Sidney. "Rumors
about the statue are running rampant. Traveling incognito, while keeping Stantius hidden,
is our best hope of getting unmolested to Ish"
"Yes, yes, but see here," said Jasper. "If we approach
the castle as the noblemen we are"
"Some of us are," pointed out Nick, whose father had been a
riverboat sailor and whose mother had eked out a meager living as a washerwoman.
"Yes, but the point is, they'd gladly greet us as guests. Instead,
we shall be forced to flop in another louseinfested publick house"
"Stop whining," said Sidney. "Don't lice have minds?
You're supposed to be a wizard of the mental arts; tell them to leave you alone."
"It's"
"Enough of this," said Nick. "They'll overhear us.
Merchants all, remember, now."
And it was indeed so; they were within hailing distance of the guards.
Jasper zipped into the wagonthey wished to avoid explaining the wizard's peculiar
appearance-and Nick, who had the reins, brought the wagon to a halt upon the serjeant's
signal.
"Name," said the serjeant in a bored tone.
"Nicholas Frauenstein," said Nick. "Of Frauenstein et
Frиes. Merchants and purveyors."
"Right," said the serjeant. "Commercial business?"
"Yes," said Nick.
"Cargo?"
"Carpets and housewares," said Nick. "Bound for
Hamsterburg."
"Righto," said the serjeant. "Bring her in the gates,
and we'll have a look. You'll have a bill of lading?"
"Yes, of course," said Nick, a little annoyed. He hadn't
anticipated a search, but geed up the horses, and moved them at a slow walk within the
gates. The rest of the party followed with their mounts. "Can you give me an estimate
of the toll?"
The serjeant looked up from a sheaf of papers, on which he was making a
note. "Sixpence a person, extra penny per mount. Ten percent tariff on estimated
cargo value."
Nick choked. "Ye gods," he protested, "that's awfully
steep!"
The serjeant gave him a nasty smile. "Don't like it, take your
wagon over the mountains, me lad."
As soldiers opened the flaps enclosing the wagon's cargo, Nick studied
the sheer slopes flanking Biddleburg town. You'd have to be a mountain goat to climb them,
he thought; they were bare rock, the slope approaching vertical in places. Scant chance
that an irate merchant, incensed by the tariff, would find an alternate path.
"Who's the old duffer?" asked a soldier.
Vic was sitting up in the rear of the wagon, blinking sleepily at the
searchers. "What'sh going on?" he demanded querulously. Sidney left her horse in
Kraki's care and helped the old man out, guiding him to where the others stood. Soldiers
began to haul rugs out and unroll them beside the road, to ease appraisal.
"Look here," said Nick to the serjeant. "Is this really
necessary? I mean, this search." Jasper could probably take care of himself, but the
gods forbid they should find the compartment where the statue of Stantius was stored.
"Standard procedure," said the serjeant, turning over the
corner of a carpet to examine the degree of wear to the backing.
"Ah, perhaps an exception to standards might be in order?"
said Nick. "One might be prepared to extend a gratuity . . ."
The serjeant chortled happily. "Attempted bribery," he said.
"Another ten shillings to .your toll, boyo."
Nick scowled and went to join the others. "I'm beginning to think
I prefer bandits," said Sidney.
"Stiff-necked bastards," said Nick.
"Vhy not let me kill them?" said Kraki.
"Good plan," said Sidney sarcastically, giving his skull a
sharp rap.
"Stop that!" said Kraki, wincingbut he took her point.
He was not in any shape for combat.
Vic was blinking a little sleepily in the daylight. "Kill?"
he said. "Kill who?"
"We'll survive," said Timaeus resignedly. "It's only
money, after all. And then, down into the valley"
"Only money!" said Nick. "What do you mean,
only"
"Whatcher say, serjeant?" inquired a soldier, examining a
gaily patterned Nokhena. "Think it's worth a hunnerd quid?" He had unrolled the
rug to examine it more closely. "Call it two," said the serjeant, giving Nick a
nasty glance and a grin.
"Two hundred pounds!" said Nick. "I bought that
wholesale for"
"Hallo, Serjeant Jenks," said a voice. "What's all this,
what, what? Shaking down another greasy merchant?"
It was a young man, dressed in hose and a waistcoat of surprisingly
stylish cutsurprising, given how remote Biddleburg was from the centers of civilized
life. He seemed fit, cheery, and obviously of the nobility, given his clear anticipation
of deference from the soldiers; despite a prominent overbite, he struck Sidney as quite
handsome.
"Yes, Sir Bertram," said Jenks.
The young man surveyed the company. "Further contributions to the
exchequer are never amisshallo." He started a bit, and peered closer. "I
say, hallo, d'Asperge. What brings you to these parts?"
Timaeus, who had been doing his best to disappear behind Kraki,
straightened up and sighed. "Hallo, Bertie," he said. "Pip of a day,
what?"
"The sun doth shine and the birds do play, you mean? Yes, yes,
quite. I say, Jenks, pack up all this trash, will you? And send it up to the castle. Why
didn't you write to tell me you were coming, Timaeus, old man? We'd have broken out the
old fatted calf."
II.
They sat in an enormous room that might have been the great hall of a
lesser castle, but was here only one sitting room among many. At one end, a fire roared in
a vast fireplace. Banners and tapestries hung from the walls, the floor was carpeted with
rugs that compared favorably with the ones that lay in their own wagon, and heavy
furniture was scattered in conversational groupings. They had all been assigned rooms down
the hall, and this was a convenient place to gather.
"An old school chum?" said Sidney. "Why didn't you tell
us Baron Biddleburg's heir was an old school chum?"
Timaeus puffed a little embarrassedly on his pipe. "Well, it
didn't seem relevant, really," he said. "I mean, here we are; and we'll have to
stay at least a couple of days, you know. Only polite. I had hoped we could simply pay the
toll and continue on our way."
"Well, at least we'll save some money," said Nick.
"I must say," Jasper said, "you really might have
toldus, old man. That is, it should have been our collective decision whether or not to
approach young Sir Bertram. For myself, a night or two of rest in decent accommodations is
all to the good; surely our quest is not so urgent as all that."
Vincianus was peering querulously about. "Quesht?" he
quavered. "Where are we?"
"Biddleburg Castle, Vic," said Nick soothingly.
"Biddleburg, Biddleburg," said Vic. "Ushed to have quite
a shellar. When'sh dinner?"
Timaeus had spotted a liveried servant approaching. "Rather soon,
I believe."
"Good evening, ladies, gentlemen," said the servant.
"Sir Bertram has asked that you join him in the Great Hall for an apйritif."
Three men awaited them at the far end of the Great Hall. There was
Bertram, resplendent in gold doublet and hose. To his left, an elderly man sat in an
armchair, a brass-knobbed walking stick in one liver-spotted hand. To Bertram's right
stood a man of late middle age, wearing a blue velvet doublet and a silver chain, weary
blue eyes above a salt-and-pepper beard.
Bertram bent over the old man. "This is Timaeus d'Asperge,
Pater," he said. "We were at university together. My father, Barthold, Baron
Biddleburg."
"Glad to meet you, sir," said Timaeus.
"Nnnn-nnnn-nnnn," said the old man. "Nnnnn."
"Sorry about that," said Bertram apologetically. "Since
Pater's seizure . . ." He shrugged. "And my uncle, Sir Broderick."
"How do you do," said Timaeus, shaking Broderick's hand.
Broderick peered at Timaeus rather sharply, as if he had heard the name
before, and possibly not in a positive context. "Timaeus d'Asperge, eh?" he
said. "And your companions?"
"Ah, Sir Jasper de Mobray," said Timaeus. The green light
bobbed in midair. "Kraki Kronarsson, of the north."
"Vhen do ve eat?"
"Patience," said Timaeus. "Sidney Stollitt and Nicholas
Pratchitt." They alternately curtsied and bowed, Sidney feeling quite out of place in
the gown the servants had laid out for her. "And Vincianus Polymage, of the White
Council."
Vic had been peering about confusedly, but looked up at his name.
"Eh?" he said. "What'sh that?"
Broderick's eyebrows shot up at Vincianus's name. "Greetings
all," he said. "And welcome to Castle Biddleburg. Please accept my apologies,
but there is a matter I must attend to immediately." And he bustled away.
"Ah, there's Uncle Broderick for you," said Bertram.
"Always bustling about on important business. Whisky, anyone? Or a glass of
wine?"
The makings stood by on a sideboard, and two servants had appeared to
do the honors.
"You got shome of the Shang du Dйmon?" asked Vincianus.
Bertram inclined his head respectfully. "Yes, of course. Delbert,
the '88, I think."
"Very good, sir," said one of the servants, and whisked off
to the cellars.
The others settled for Moothlayan whisky or, in Jasper's case, for the
Dzorzian sherry that stood on the sideboard. "Broderick's been a great help,"
Bertram said. "Really rallied round after Pater's seizure. Don't know what I'd do
without him."
"One gets the impression he's running the barony virtually
unaided," said Timaeus, slightly censoriously.
"Well, yes, but dash it, Tim, you know I was never any good at
sums and such. I'm just not cut out to be the wiseand benevolent lord. Broderick enjoys
the work, and he can have it, as far as I'm concerned. Personally, I'd be off for Urf
Durfal or Hamsterburg in an instant, if he didn't need me here as a figurehead."
"So he's a stand-up guy, as far as you're concerned?" asked
Nick.
"Well, yes, rather," said Bertram.
"Doesn't seem to be the general opinion," said Nick.
"Ow!" Sidney had kicked him in the shin.
"Shut up," she said, low and urgent.
"I say, what do you mean?" said Bertram.
"Ah, we had a bit of an encounter on the road," admitted
Timaeus.
"Mm?" said Bertram, taking a sip of his whisky.
"With a group of bandits," said Jasper. "Most
extraordinary group, oddest justification for thievery I've ever heard, and led by a
woman. Beatrice, I think she called herself."
Bertram looked up from his whisky. "Beatrice?" he said
thoughtfully. "I knew a Beatrice, once." He looked briefly pensive-not his usual
mood, it seemed to Sidney. "Lovely gel," he said almost to himself.
The table was a long affair that looked as though it could seat a
hundred, as perhaps it did on occasion. They seemed to be the only guests at Biddleburg
Castle, for they, the baron's immediate family, and a man of soldierly bearing introduced
as Captain Blentz were the only ones at table. They were seated together at one end, while
the other extended off, an infinity of linen and candelabra, toward a vast hearth, where
some great beasta whole steer, or perhaps a doewas roasting on a spit. A small
boy wound a crank to keep the spit turning.
Three footmen bustled about, seating the party, holding chairs, and
waving out napkins. Two silver wine buckets stood by the table, filled with ice and
bottles. Sidney was impressed; ice was expensive. Although, she realized, here in the cool
mountains it was probably easier to store ice through the summer than in the hotter
lowlands.
There were three forks, three knives, two spoons, three glasses, and
four plates at Sidney's place. Nick surveyed this collection of silverware and china and
looked nervously at Sidney. "Outside in," she whispered at him; that was the
rule her mother had taught her, and while her mother had just enough etiquette to be
considered vulgarly nouveau, it was at least more than Sidney herself possessed.
Nick nodded with comprehensionstart with the outermost utensils and work your way
in, a clear enough principlebut puzzled over the butter knife, which lay above the
largest plate: Did it come before, after, or in between the two knives to the right of the
plates?
Kraki grabbed his water glass, poured its contents into his gullet in a
single motion, gulped the water, and crunched on the ice. Sleet spattered everywhere. He
seemed disgruntled to realize that his quaff had not been alcoholic. One of the servants,
apparently divining this, took a bottle from one of the wine buckets and presented it to
Kraki, holding it so that the barbarian might read the label. "Some wine, sir?"
he inquired. "A white Linfalian, quite dry"
Kraki said, "Yah, good," grabbed the bottle, and put it to
his lips. Several large swallows later, he put it down with a slam on the table before
him, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and gave a belch. Realizing by the
servant's expression that some breach of etiquette had occurred, he added,
"Ahthank you."
"Not at all," murmured the ashen servant, moving away.
A butler whose ruddy jowls, frozen expression, and vast expanse of
waistcoat indicated servile dignity fossilized through years of service held out a large
silver platter to Sidney's right. With a flourish, a footman whisked off the cover to
reveal a broiled fish, dotted with slivered almonds. "Troot Omondine, marss?"
inquired the butler; it took Sidney a moment to translate this as "Trout Almondine,
miss?" She had heard the same accent in the speech of the other servants here at the
castle, and more faintly in that of Beatrice, and had tagged it as common to this region;
but in the butler, the accent approached the impenetrable. "Uh, please," she
said.
The footman deftly removed a smallish section of trout, laid it
precisely at the center of the smallest plate in the pile of three in front of Sidney,
arranged three overlapping slices of lemon to the trout's right, and placed a small dish
of brown butter below the lemon.
She waited as the other members of her group were served; apparently,
guests came before family. Nick was served; then Timaeus; then Kraki. Sidney closed her
eyes, expecting some unforgivable crudity, but Kraki merely waved the fish away with a
grimace of distaste.
"I do hope you'll be staying with us for a few days," said
Uncle Broderick as Baron Barthold was served. A footman tied a napkin about the old man's
neck while another deftly sliced his section of trout into small pieces, carefully
removing the bones. The baron was the last to be served, and everyone tucked in. "I'm
afraid that young Bertram is somewhat insensible to the many charms of our mountain
realm," Broderick continued, "and no doubt would enjoy the companionship of ones
lately from more settled lands. Too, the villagers will be holding the Feast of Grimaeus,
our most colorful local celebration, the day after tomorrow, and you may find it of some
passing amusement." While Broderick spoke, Baron Barthold had been attempting to eat
his fish; one palsied hand held a fork, the other a silver pusher. He would painstakingly
push a piece of fish onto the fork, then raise it, hand fluttering like a leaf in a gale,
an expression of intense concentration on his face, toward his mouth. More often than not,
the fish would fly off at an unexpected angle across the room, generally to land on the
slate flags of the chamber floor, but at least once to hit Nick on the nose. He
diplomatically picked the fish off his face and deposited it in his napkin.
Timaeus swallowed hastily and cleared his throat. "Well, aherrrm,
as it happens, ah, it seems that we're, ah, expected in Hamsterburg. Quite soon. While
it's wonderful to see you again, Bertram, old son, I'm afraid that the fortunes of war,
pressure of business, you know the sort of thing . . . " He was floundering, and was
evidently relieved when Jasper interrupted.
"Very rude of us, to be sure," said Jasper. The green light
bobbed over his chair; occasionally, a glass of wine would tilt back and the level of
liquid drop, or a fork bob through space bearing a load of fish, which would abruptly
disappear. "And it is very kind of you to take us in on such short notice. Still, I
fear we must take our leave on the morrow. If there's any way we can repay your
hospitality ... "
"No, no, no, no," said Broderick hastily, obviously annoyed.
"Hospitality is, er, hospitality, after all; there shall be no thought of repayment,
of course, none, no, no. Might one inquire as to the nature of this pressing
business?"
Momentary looks of panic were exchanged across the table; their agreed
story, that they were merchants, would obviously not do. Several began to talk at once.
"Ah-carpets and housewares for, uh, the war effort"
said Nick.
"We carry diplomatic papers from the Foreign Ministry
of" said Jasper.
"plan to join in the defense of the Petty States"
said Timaeus.
They fell still in confusion.
"I see," said Broderick in an amused tone. There was an
embarrassed silence for a moment. Sidney kicked Nick under the table; carpets and
housewares for the war effort, indeed! He gave her an injured glare. The servants
wereclearing away the fish dishes and silverware now; Timaeus hid his embarrassment by
turning away to hand his dish over.
"Uncle, Timaeus tells me that his group had a bit of a run-in with
our local banditti," said Bertram, breaking the silence.
"Oh?" said Broderick, eyebrows shooting skyward. "Egad,
they're getting bolder by the day."
"Fear not, milord," said red-faced Captain Blentz, hitherto
silent. By his speech, he was obviously more than half soused. "We'll flush the
blighters out."
"Yes, yes," said Broderick thoughtfully. "I hope you
didn't suffer at their hands?"
"No," said Timaeus, "we came out of it"
"Apparently, their leader is a woman by the name of
Beatrice," interrupted Bertram.
"Ah?" said Broderick, eyeing Bertram; it seemed to Sidney
that this was no news to Broderick.
"You don't suppose that could possibly be the daughter of Sir
Benton of Bainbridge?" inquired Bertram.
"That traitor?" snapped Broderick. "It was a fine day
indeed when he was broken on the wh" He interrupted himself with a cough,
realizing abruptly that this was not appropriate dinner conversation. "A rebel,"
he explained. "Rose in arms against my brother the baron. We were forced to give him
justice."
Sidney looked at the baron, who looked back with haunted eyes, a sliver
of fish adhering to his lower lip. "Nnnn-nnn-nnn," he said.
"Terrible, terrible," murmured Jasper.
"Decadent times," said Timaeus soothingly. The footmen had
reappeared with an enormous wooden bowl containing mixed fresh greens, along with a silver
ewer containing a dressing, and a cubits-long pepper grinder.
"But his daughter . . ." said Bertram.
"I'd heard she had entered a religious order," said
Broderick.
"Wouldn't she inherit ... ?" asked Bertram. The butler
grandly scooped up a substantial helping of the salad and plopped it on Sidney's plate,
while a footman prepared to dish out the dressing and another refreshed her wine.
"No, no," said Broderick. "We have a salian law here,
you know that. Besides, the man was a traitor; the estate reverts to the barony." He
gave a wolfish grin.
"Ah," said Bertram. "Still, it seems an odd coincidence;
both called Beatrice, both with red hair"
"It would reflect poorly on us if you were beset by bandits
again," said Broderick to Timaeus, hastily changing the subject. "Under the
circumstances, I must insist that you accept an escort until you reach the border of the
barony."
"An escort?" said Timaeus, a little surprised. "Well, of
course. Why not?"
The salad crew had reached Kraki's place. "Pah," said Kraki,
spitting on the floor. "Is for rabbits. Don't you have any food fit for a man?"
The butler was obviously a bit unsettled, but merely motioned the servants to the next
place around the table.
"Oh, I say, never fear, old man," said Bertram comfortingly.
"There's roast greep for entrйe."
"Greep," said Kraki with disgust. "Ach, more fish."
"Fish?" said Bertram, goggling. "What do you mean,
fish?"
"Oh, heavens," groaned Timaeus. "Not another"
"Fish?" said Broderick, sitting bolt upright at the head of
the table. "Ye gods, barbarian, where did you get the notion that greep are fish? No,
no far from it; the greep is the noblest of animals, a full-antlered beast larger even
than the moose of which we hear tell. Well do I know thatmighty creature, for it abounds
in the crags and pinnacles of our mountainous domain . . ."
GREEP ROTI
It is wary prey; some say the mighty greep is smarter even than a man,
and who am I to gainsay them? For I have hunted the greep for forty years, man and boy;
pursuing that monstrous animal through woods and over mountains, in fair weather, sleet,
and snow. And ofttimes, I have returned empty-handed, for the greep is a wily foe, and
only the wiliest of hunters may bring it low.
Shall I tell you of the first time I slew the greep? ["Well,
actually, " interjected Jasper, but Broderick was not to be dissuaded from telling
his tale.] It was forty years ago, when I, a stripling of sixteen, set out in dead of
winter, the wind near enough to freeze a man to the marrow. "Egad, Broderick,"
my father said, "you are mad, to venture forth on such a day."
It was not madness, but youth. It was my fancy to pit myself against
the worst that nature could offer, the starkest cold of all. I swaddled myself full and
deep, draped a cloth about my mouth to shelter my lungs from at least the cold's sharpest
bite, and took my longbow from the armory. For though it is a yeoman's weapon, I have
trained in it from infancy, at my father's behest.
I went forth on snowshoes, lunging with a will over the crisp white
that blanketed the land. After some time, I climbed a rise, reached its peakand saw,
in the streambed below, a monstrous greep, full seven points, the noble head gnawing at
the bark of a tree. There is little sustenance for the greep kind, in the dead of winter;
they must forage where they may, and mayhap the bark of a tree was all the nourishment it
had found, that bitter day.
Instantly, I went to earthor to snow, if you will. Stealthily, I
reached over my back, toward the bow which, strung, I had slung over my shoulder
But I got no further than that, for with a snort, divining the presence
of a foe, the greep looked up, and looked directly to me with curiously sapient eyes. It
bounded, and away.
I rose again to my snowshoes, and lunged after.
'Tis said that a man has the stamina to outrun any beast, and mayhap
that is so, on a level plain, in fair weather; but we struggled up and down mountain peaks
in the deadliest frost of deep winter. I had no faith that I would be victorious over the
greep; but I was young enough to wish victory with peculiar fierceness. I could see the
hoof-prints of the greep before me, the strange, semicircular indentations of its splayed
toes, toes that gave it traction even in deep snow. I followed the prints relentlessly.
I came to a stream, running quickly enough that only a thin layer of
ice sheltered its waters from the cold; quickly enough that no snow lay atop the ice. And
here, the greep had followed the stream, taking to water in desperation.
Which way had it gone? A frightened beast would flee downstream, the
easy path; but upstream of me, a twig was bent, and the ice was broken, and a branch was
missing its load of snow. I was not deceived. I turned uphill, and labored on.
And upward, and upward. Soon, the trees were thinned out, becoming
scraggly, and I recognized that I was nearing the timberline
I saw the greep! The flit of a white tail, lean brown legs leaping
through snow. Seemingly, it had waited here, to see if I should venture this far-and,
spotting me, had dashed away once more.
I cursed; my bow was over my shoulder still, and I had missed perhaps
my only chance. I took my bow in my hands-awkward, you see, to walk in snowshoes, the
swinging of the arms constrained by a weaponand strode onward.
It had been cold by my father's stead; here, a thousandcubits upward,
it was colder still. I had accounted bitter wind by my father's house; here, it was the
very whip of demons, lashing out across the bare countryside. From the Dzorzian Range
eastward, there is no mountain of equivalent height until you come to Oceanus. A thousand
miles and more, that wind raged across the continent, until it battered itself against the
mountain where I stood; and batter it did, in fury to find itself opposed.
I could feel my mustache freeze, the water of my breath instantly
transformed to ice. In sudden fear, I began to check my extremities: Were my fingers
white? If I rubbed my ear with snow, did the flesh still sting? This was madness, I
realized: to come so high, expose my flesh to this rawness. This was how men died.
I labored on. There was no turning back. I would take my greep, or die.
Whiteness skittered across rock. More often than not, my snowshoes
grated on stone instead of snow, for the wind scoured the mountainside free of snow as
quickly as snow fell.
And it was falling now; somehow in my singlemindedness I had failed to
note when the clouds turned gray and began to disgorge their load of snow. I could see no
farther than a half dozen cubits ahead, flakes whipped across my vision in a blur of
white.
Where was the greep? It left no tracks, not on this bare rock; and in
the snow, I saw it no
A snort. A glimpse of brown. I drew back an arrow and loosed it-to see
the arrow snatched away by the fierce wind.
Onward, onward At times, I cast forward in despair, feeling that I must
have lost the trail; but always, I managed to find some spoor, some trace. And I
lungedInto space.
My stomach lurched, both physically with my sudden fall, and
spiritually with my sudden realization that I had been outfoxed by a beast. Do you
understand? Man is differentiated from the animal only by his intellect; and this dumb
creature had out-thought me. It had led me to a cliff, knowing I could see only inches
ahead, and maneuvered me off ...
I fell for a brief eternity, certain I was falling to my death ...
There was an impact. It came to me that I was allve; more than alive,
uninjured. There was whiteness all about me, a tunnel upward to dim gray sky; I had landed
in a drift, and the snow had been thick enough to break the fall.
I trashed about in deep snow, making no progress; it caved in about me.
At last I calmed, thought things . through, and removed my snowshoes. I reached up, and
slammed one into the snow above me, pulling myself upward, then slamming the next one in.
In this fashion, I climbed, until I found myself, almost hot with exertion, lying atop the
drift.
The wind was slight, here, in the lee of the cliff. Dimly, dimly, far
above me, I espied a blur of brown. I peered, through drifting snow; it thinned enough
that for an instant I saw a brown-furred head, a hint of antler
It was the greep. It peered downward, trying to discern whether or not
I had met my doom.
In an instant, I was on my feet, an arrow nocked and drawn to my ear. I
could see the greep only as a blur of brown; but
I loosed the shaft, and instantly drew another, hoping I would be
permitted another shot before the creature fled
The brown was gone. I had lost
Something smashed into the drift, scant cubits from where I stood.
It was the greep. I scampered over the snow, and peered down into the
crater it had smashed in the drift.
It stared back at me, fear and hatred, hot anger in its gaze. The shaft
of my arrow protruded through the jaw, outone cheek: a flesh wound. But that had been
enough to startle the beast, cantilevered out over the cliff, peering downward at me. And
it had fallen out, as I had . . .
Perhaps, given time, the greep could have clawed its way out of the
drift; but I proposed to give it none. My first shaft struck it in the eye; it roared its
pain and hatred, flailing desperately at the snow that caved in about it. A second time I
shot, and hit its throat, lifeblood squirting crimson on white snow. And the
thirdbut it was dying.
And as that great beast, its antlered head thrashing in pain through
whiteness, as it breathed its last, I knew I had found my destiny. So would I defeat all
who stood before me; so would I triumph against all adversity.
In that instant, I accounted myself a man.
And I thanked the greep, truly I did; I thanked it for showing me the
vital struggle, the fierceness that underlies all creation.
Down the mountainside, I knew, was the village of Bainbridge, though I
could not see it in the drifting snow; a few hours' trek, by snowshoe. I cut the greep's
head from its bodyI could carry no moreand I made my way to the village.
There, they met me with celebration: It was accounted a great deed, to take so impressive
a stag of the greep, at sixteen, in such a storm.
The greep's body froze in the snow; and, frozen, remained fresh until,
some days thereafter, we sent out a party to recover its flesh.
And it roasted there, in yonder fireplace, upon that very spit.
I do not think I have ever tasted meat so fine.
During the telling, the salad had been taken away, broiled eggplant and
peppers with herbs had been served, and the diners had been presented with a clear broth,
to cleanse the palate before the main course. There had been a new wine with each new
dish. It was clear by the time that Broderick ended his tale, however, that the piece
de resistance was in the offing. A parade of servants had appeared with a variety of
platters. There were cardooris in a butter sauce, celeriac and bitter herbs, game hens
perfumed with cinnamon, parsleyed potatoes, and fresh peas with mint. There was a deep,
rich brown gravy, fresh bread of several kinds, and herb butter to slather on it. But all
this was by way of side dish. The servants had wheeled in a cart bearing a load of wilted
greens, had trundled it over to the fireplace, and had carefully removed the whole roast
greep from the spit. Three strong men had been needed for that task. Now the butler stood
over the carcass, whetting an enormous carving knife.
"And so," Broderick ended at last, "I bid you, sup; eat
deeply of the richness of the greep, and imbibe as you do his wisdom. We may only hope
that some portion of the greep's nobility, his courage, and his fierce desire for
existence will infuse us with his flesh."
"Good story," said Kraki approvingly, pounding his fist on
the table hard enough to make the glassware jump. Bertram, on the other hand, looked as if
he were going off his head with ennui.
One of the footmen approached Sidney deferentially and asked her what
portion of the greep she desired. "I'm not familiar with cuts of greep," she
said, realizing there was no polite way to avoid eating it entirely. "Perhaps you can
make a recommendation." He suggested a filet of the tenderloin, and she assented.
Another servant appeared with the desired cut, while .the first went to obtain
requirements from the other guests. Kraki requested ribs, by which, it became clear, he
meant the beast's entire rib cage.
"Wine, miss?" inquired the sommelier, holding a bottle out to
Sidney. She had never seen its like. It was green. The label proclaimed it a "vin
chartreuse d'appellation Royaume Dzorzique. " This struck Sidney as unlikely,
since the kingdom of Dzorz hadn't existed in almost two hundred years. Uncertainly, she
said, "Please," and watched as the green liquid flowed three-quarters of the way
up a fluted glass.
"And you, sir?" the steward asked Vincianus, showing him the
bottle.
The oldster left off gumming his greep steak and peered at it for a
long moment. "Pretty young for a vin chartreushe, ishn't it?" he said dubiously.
"Sir? Perhaps a tad, sir. But the 5530s mature a little young; a
century and three-quarters seems about right."
"A chartreuse?" said Jasper delightedly. "My, my,
Broderick, you do set a good table."
"Out of my usual range, to be sure," said Timaeus, obviously
impressed.
Broderick beamed.
"We've always kept a good cellar," said Bertram, a little
proudly. "The Barons of Biddleburg have been high-class lushes for four hundred
years"
"Nnnnn! Nnnnn!" said Baron Barthold. The old man was
shaking his head violently. By the sommelier stood another servant, bearing a wine glass
and a twist of paper on a platter.
"Now, Pater," said Bertram concernedly. "You really must
have your philter. Doctor's orders, you know."
"Nnnn!" said Barthold.
"Come, brother," said Broderick. "If anything can make
your medication palatable, surely it is the Dzorzian. Drink up, now!"
Barthold made a choking noise, and shook his head again.
"If you're good," wheedled Broderick, "there's puff
pastry and ice cream for dessert."
"Nnnn," said Barthold more mildly. With unhappy eyes, he
watched the sommelier pour a glass of wine, untwist one end of the paper, and empty a
powder into the glass. White crystals dissolved quickly in the liquid.
"Awfully sorry, Pater," said Bertram apologetically,
"but it's for the best, you know. In your condition . . ." He took the wine
glass and held it to the old man's lips. Barthold closed his eyes and, misery writ on his
face, choked down the wine.
"I do apologize," said Broderick. "Happens every night,
I'm afraid. He can be a trial."
"Nnnn," muttered Barthold censoriously, eyes still closed.
As a servant carried away the empty bottle of chartreuse and the twist
of paper, Sidney dropped her dessert fork, reached down to pick it up, and quite
deliberately tripped the man. The wine bottle smashed on the cold stone flags of the
castle floor, the silver tray hit with a noise like a gong, and the man landed awkwardly
on one arm.
"Oh!" Sidney said, springing up. "How clumsy of me. I'm
so sorry. Please, let me help you."
"Quite all right, ma'am," said the servant. "My fault,
I'm sure."
"Aye," said the butler freezingly. "If woon canna' watch
where woon poots woon's feet, woon sharr find woonserf stoking the stove an' eating wi'
the oopstairs maids. Fetch a broom at oonce and clear this mess awa'."
"Yes, Mr. Bates," said the servant. "Sorry, Mr. Bates.
At once, Mr. Bates." And he scurried away.
Sidney reseated herself, the twist of paper tucked into her garter.
III.
The room was a study, of sorts. That is, it had the usual accoutrements
of a study: numerous bookshelves, ornate armchairs, a globe, a crystal ball, tables and
writing supplies. But the dust on the books was thick, indicating they were rarely
consulted; and every available surface was covered with maps and papers. Broderick might
be an efficient administrator, but he was not a neat one.
A fire burned in the hearth and an oil lamp gave a little light, but
the corners of the room lay in shadow. Captain Blentz sat sleepily in a chair, while
Broderick prowled restlessly.
"What?" said Blentz in blank incomprehension.
"Why?"
"Why do you need to know?" demanded Broderick irritably.
"Just do it."
"But Sir Broderick"
"Bah! I don't know why I bother with you, Blentz. Still haven't
found that Beatrice bint, have you, me boy? Bertie's on to it, you know; if you don't off
the bitch, and soon, I'll likely wind up killing my own nephew to avoid a stink. Damned
awkward, too; too much unrest in the barony as it is, the idiot is a useful
figurehead."
"We'll catch her," said Blentz heavily. "These things
take time."
"Time is what we don't have, man! Well, look here. This job is
surefire. I don't see how you can miss. Fail me this time, and you'll find yourself out
the gate with nothing but your sword and your trousers. With your record, I don't fancy
your chances of finding another position."
"Yes, but look here; I mean, one thing to kill a peasant or two,
but"
"It's very simple," said Broderick. "They are carrying
an object of great value. I want it. They have agreed to accept an escort to the barony's
border; you are to provide it. Halfway between the castle and Bainbridge town, to minimize
the chances of anyone either here or in the village learning the truth, you will turn on
them and butcher them all. You will have the element of surprise; if you can't kill them
before they know what's what, you are a buffoon indeed. Bury them a good distance off the
road. Inside their wagon, probably in a hidden compartment, you will find a large statue.
Burn the wagon and its contents. Return the statue surreptitiously to me."
"Sir, I don't know that the men will do it. After all"
"Damnation, Blentz! There's a pound argentum in it for each
of them."
"Ah," said Blentz. "And for me?"
"Greedy, greedy, Blentz," said Broderick in a warning tone.
"Your position here is less than secure, you know." "It's murder we're
talking about," said Blentz doggedly. "I won't"
"You won't what, Blentz? Cat got your conscience? A moral void at
your soul that only the sparkle of gold will assuage? Very well; ten pounds for you, if
you succeed."
"Fine," said Blentz resentfully, rising from his chair.
"If that's all, I'm to bed."
"Go along, then," said Broderick, waving a hand. "I just
hope you remember all this when sober."
"Not likely to forget," grunted Blentz, and wandered
unsteadily out.
When Blentz's footsteps had died away, Broderick sighed, then went to
examine the crystal ball. He gave it a sharp rap with a knuckle and spoke a Word. The
crystal began to emit a faint yellow glow.
"Yes?" said a bass voice in a bored tone.
"Private message," said Broderick. "Ex: Sir
Broderick de Biddleburg, Biddleburg Castle, Barony of Biddleburg. Ad: Gerlad, Graf von
Grentz, Drachehaus, the Enclave, Free City of Hamsterburg. Re: Yours of the fourteenth.
Begin. I may be able to obtain object in question. Please define quote considerable sum
end quote. Other parties interested. Respond soonest. Thirty."
"Very good," said the voice. "How will you be
paying?"
"I have an account with the Royal Bank of Dwarfheim," said
Broderick. "You should have the records."
After a moment, the voice spoke again. "Very well, sir. Will that
be all?"
"Yes," said Broderick, turning away as the crystal went dark.
Through slitted eyes, the cat atop the bookshelf watched the crystal's
light die. Broderick pinched the oil lamp's wick into darkness, then shuffled out of the
room himself, leaving it lit only by the dying embers of the fire.
The cat rose to its paws and arched its back in a stretch. As it did,
there was a noise from one of the study's two windows. The cat caught the hint of a shape
outside the glass, a moment of movement-and then the shape was gone.
The study was two stories up. Could the exchange between Broderick and
Blentz have had a second observer? wondered Sidney. And if so, who might that observer
have been?
She jumped to the floor, and fastidiously licked away the dust of the
shelves. When her toilet was complete, she slunk back through the hallways toward her
room.
Without the castle, the morning was brilliant, a jolly sun casting
light across a lucid sky, birds twittering happily, gentle zephyrs wafting the pines.
Jasper's bedroom was somewhat gloomier: Its windows were small and deeply set in thick
walls, designed for defense rather than illumination. And the thick walls of the tower
kept the air uncomfortably cold, colder than the world outsidea blessing on hot
summer days, no doubt, but a bit of a trial, Jasper thought, at the moment. He had the
windows open to admit a little warmth.
Still, he pottered cheerfully about, preparing his toilet. The green
light moved over the floor, floating alongside a straight razor.
"Tum-tiddle-um-tum-tie," hummed Jasper.
Tum-tiddle-tiddle-tiddle-um-tum-tum." A strap of leather
hung from a washstand; the free end of the strap rose in the air until
the strap was tight and parallel to the floor. The razor began to strop itself.
After a while, the razor floated over to plunk itself down on the
stand. "Hey nonny-nonny, tiddle-um-tumday," sang Jasper. A brush dipped itself
in water and began to swish about in a mug, developing a lather. The brush rose and
swished itself through the air, depositing a vague hemisphere of lather on invisible
space. If one had looked carefully, one might have been able to discern the shape of a
chin.
A cat jumped through one of the open windows, landing in the deep
window well.
The razor rose from the washstand and began to scrape at the lather
that hung in midair. Jasper hummed still, butit was now the hum of a man with a closed
mouth: "Mmm-hmmm-hmmm-mmmm-mmm-hmm."
Sidney transformed. "Jasper," she said. "I"
The razor gave a sudden jerk. "Yow!" shouted Jasper.
Flecks of blood appeared amid the lather and began to drip onto the floor. "By Dion,
Sidney, you startled me. I do hope I have some sticking plaster." The floating lather
moved over to Jasper's trunk, from which bits and oddments began to fly.
"I'm sorry, Jasper," said Sidney, not sounding particularly
apologetic. "I have some information to impart."
"Hmm? Yes, good, here it is." A jar of sticking plaster
unscrewed, and a dollop of the substance moved out to smear itself across empty space.
"Say on, then."
Sidney sighed. "The walls have ears," she said.
"Do they?" said Jasper in a surprised tone. The lather turned
to face each of the walls in turn. "I don't believe so, Sidney," he said
dubiously. "In another room, perhaps?"
"Are you being purposefully dense?" demanded Sidney.
"Look here. There are servants everywhere in this damned castle. I don't want to run
the risk of being overheard. You're a mentalist, aren't you? Read my mind."
"Ah! Do you mind if I finish shaving?"
"No,-no, just.hurry up."
Jasper completed his toilet. When he was finished, the green point of
light flitted over to hang before Sidney's forehead. "Now, then," said Jasper.
"Hmm. Good heavens! Can't say I think much of Sir Broderick's notion of hospitality,
hmm? More goes on in this castle than meets the eye."
"That's for sure," said Sidney. "Listen, we can't leave,
you see?"
"Ye-e-es," said Jasper slowly. "Well, that is, we could,
but it would be a risk. Maybe more of a risk than we ought to take."
"Definitely more of a risk than we ought to take," said
Sidney, a little irritated. "I don't fancy a battle with scores of hardened veterans,
when there's a chance of getting away without one."
"Fair enough," said Jasper.
"Will you tell the others?" asked Sidney. "Or rather,
not-tell them?"
"What? Oh, yes. I see. Certainly, my dear."
A buffet breakfast had been laid out on the sideboard in the great
hall: sausages, cold roast greep, pastries, pies, and oat cakes, while a servant stood by
to take orders for fresh eggs. Kraki sprawled at one end of the table, with a small keg of
beer and an enormous platter of sausages-a silver serving platter, Sidney saw. Apparently,
he'd simply taken the whole thing from the sideboard. He was halfway through the mass of
sausages and wrapping himself outside the remainder with alarming rapidity. Sidney
shuddered, loaded a plate of her own, sat down, and motioned one of the servants over for
tea.
Just as the servant began to fill her cup, a tremendous bang propelled
Sidney out of her chair, jostling his arm and spilling tea all over her tunic. She cursed,
grabbed a napkin, and began to swab at the stain; Timaeus walked in, puffing contentedly
on his pipe. He came over to sit down next to her.
"I wish you'd figure out a quieter way to light that thing,"
Sidney complained.
"Hmm? Never fear, Sidney; I have a plan," Timaeus said
cheerily, patting her on the shoulder.
Sidney looked at him mistrustfully. "If it's like your
usual" But Timaeus was bouncing up again. Bertram had appeared at the door.
"I say, Bertie, old bean," said Timaeus, bounding over and
throwing an arm about Bertram. "Come to see us off?"
"Ye gods, man," groused Bertram, "a little less chipper,
please! Consider the hour."
"Mmm?" said Timaeus. "Eight, by the clock, and a fine
time to be alive."
"Oh, shut up," said Bertram, moodily picking up a plate and
scraping some of the cold greep onto it. "A fine trick, I call it, to give a chap
hope for some entertainment, then to disappear virtually before one may finish saying
`Hail fellow and well met.' Here I'd hoped you'd stay at least a fortnight"
"Well," said Sidney. "Actually"
Timaeus waved an insistent hand at her. "Sorry, you know, the way
of the world; rush, rush, rush, insistent business, dashing about hither and yon ... But I
say, why don't you come with us as far as the border? We can at least chat along the
way."
A light dawned as Sidney appreciated Timaeus's idea; if Bertram came
along, Captain Blentz wouldn't dare kill the young heir's friends. Unlesshe killed
Bertram, too. They could always blame it on the banditsmaybe this wasn't such a good
idea.
Bertram looked almost cheerful as he considered the proposal, then
sighed. "Sorry, Timaeus. I'm afraid I'll have to give you a nolle prosequi on
that. Uncle would never allow me to go with you."
"Whyever not?" Timaeus demanded.
"He wouldn't trust me to turn back at the border," Bertram
said apologetically. "He'd be afraid I'd just keep on going with you. And he might be
right; I'd be tempted. But, well, my duty is here, dash it. Must try to keep things
together during Pater's illness, you know . . ."
Timaeus was chewing his lip. "Well-but "
"We go today," said Kraki with finality. "It vill be
glorious." He smiled and belched, obviously enjoying the prospect of combat.
Bertram sat down at the table with his plate, looking askance at the
barbarian. "Glorious?" he said.
Somebody had to do something, Sidney saw. She said, "Timaeus,
dear, why don't we stay on for a few days? I can't imagine our contacts in Hamsterburg
will worry about a day or two spent on the road, and we are, if anything, ahead of
schedule. And this festival they're having tomorrow does sound grand." She gave
Bertram a winning smile, which he returned. Jasper whizzed into the room in time to catch
the last of this.
Timaeus merely goggled at Sidney; this was not what he expected to hear
from her. Barked orders and curses were more in her line.
"I say, yes," Jasper said. "Nothing like a few nights in
a feather bed after camping out on the road for weeks."
"Yes, do stay, Timaeus," said Bertram. "You've no idea
how tedious it gets out here in the provinces, far from the city lights."
"You make it sound very attractive," complained Timaeus.
"Oh, very well. I suppose it's inevitable."
Kraki snorted, looking faintly disgruntled.
"Hurrah!" said Bertram as Broderick entered. The older man
made a beeline for the tea. "Oh, Uncle," said Bertram, "good news! Timaeus
and his crew have consented to stay on for a few days."
Broderick's head whipped around. He studied Timaeus with narrowed eyes,
then broke into an ersatz grin. "Yes, yes, wonderful news, glad you've seen the
light. Well, well, well. We shall have fun. Tea, dammit, milk and two sugars."
Kraki, Nick, and Broderick had ridden off hunting; Jasper had gone with
them, at Sidney's insistence. "Hunting accidents," she had said. "Too easy.
Keep an eye on them." So the old adventurer had sighed and agreed to go. Timaeus and
Bertram were off in another wing of the castle, playing billiards and drinking port. And
no one knew where Vincianus was; snoozing away someplace, in all probability. This, as
Sidney had hoped, gave her the opportunity to go into town.
She doubted two hundred people lived in Biddleburg. The streets were
cobblestone, for the most part, with the houses quite close together. Except for the main
road, which ran from the eastern gate to the western, through what passed for a market
square, the streets were too narrow for wheeled traffic. Eyes followed Sidney wherever she
went; her Durfalian street clothes were evidently startling to the Biddlebourgeois, whose
women were clad mainly in multiply layered homespun. And no one had taught them not to
gawk. Sidney felt quite out of place.
Still, half an hour of wandering the village's byways had taught her
nothing, except that carpenters were building a platform in the market square, presumably
for use in tomorrow's festivities. She had failed to find any sign of an alchemist.
Sighing, she approached a butcher in the marketplace. He held a squawking chicken by the
legs.
"Excuse me," said Sidney. The man looked at her briefly, then
laid the chicken's neck on a block of wood. "I'm looking for an alchemist's. Could
you tell me" The butcher raised a cleaver andthwack!severed the
creature's neck. The head hit the floor and blood spurted. "where I might find
one?"
The butcher laid the cleaver aside and scratched his chin with one hand
while the other still held the chicken's legs, its wings flapping wildly in its death
throes. "Warr, marss," he said. "Eeant un in toon, y'ear. Mebbe ee Owd
Warch'rr hep ye." He stuck the chicken's feet in a hook, shifted his grip to its
body, and yanked down; the feet were pulled off the legs, leaving tendrils of fat and
gristle.
Sidney was beginning to feel faintly nauseated, and hadn't the
slightest idea what he had said. "Yes, thank you," she said, turning away, and
began to wander off.
"Nar, nar!" said the butcher, tossing the chicken into a pot
of boiling water. "Eer, marss; up t'Arpers Ane." He pointed off to the left,
across the square to the opening of an alley. Sidney blinked; this was something, at
least. "Thank you," she said, with somewhat more feeling. The butcher took the
chicken out of the water with a pair of tongs and began to pluck it.
Up the alley only a few feet was a storefront. Across the window was
painted the name "Mistress Mabel," and under that, "Knows All Sees
All." Nothing was visible through the grimy glass except for a haphazard display of
bottles, red plush hearts, and arrows, obviously intended to imply that love potions were
for sale, and a fat gray cat that lay just inside the glass, staring malevolently at
Sidney.
On the door was a small coat of arms, with a scroll held in a wyverns
claws. On the scroll were the words "International Amalgamated Sisterhood of Witches
& Allied Trades."
It wasn't quite what she had in mind, Sidney thought, but perhaps it
would do. She turned the bat-shaped knob and entered.
The gloomy shop was filled with choking smoke. It was lit only by dim
sunlight, filtering in through the grimy window, and a low fire in a hearth at the rear.
Before the hearth, an old woman sat in a ragged platform rocker, her feet up on an ottoman
in the shape of a man on his hands and knees, his back bearing up the cushion, an
expression of despair on his face. In her mouth was a corncob pipe, smoke curling out from
her lips above her wispy beard. The gray cat leapt from the window, puffed up its fur, and
hissed at Sidney.
"Beewzy," shouted the old woman in a high-pitched voice.
"Behave, now. Coostomer."
The cat gave the woman an astonished glare and slunk off into the
shadows.
Sidney took a glance about the shop. Bundled herbs hung from the
ceiling. Against the brick wall were shelves, held up by cast-iron braces nailed directly
into the mortar. The shelves held an assortment of bottles and boxes, half of them knocked
sideways and most covered with dust. At the center of the room was a rickety table, on
which lay an assortment of fortune-tellers' cards. On either side of the hearth, in the
brick, were ovens, and over the fire was a kettle, bubbling away. Mistress Mabel pulled
herself painfully to her feet, picked up a snake-knobbed cane that had lain between her
legs, and hobbled arthritically toward Sidney. "Wha' can owd Mabel dee for ye,
larss?" she said. "Loove potion, mayhap? Terr ye foortune? Soomething tee
pertect ye from gettin' wi' chird?"
"No, Mistress," said Sidney. "Actually, I was looking
for an alchemist, but there doesn't seem to be one in Biddleburg."
"Nar, nar," said Mabel, peering nearsightedly at Sidney in
the dimness. "Too smarr a toon, Bidderburg be . . ." She gave a sudden start,
backed away a bit, and made a warding gesture. "Worf!" she said. "Ye'rr nar
be payin' ye're tricks on me, y' unhoory bint."
Sidney blinked; it took her a moment to untangle this, but when she
had, she gained a measure of respect for the old woman's talent. "Not a wolf,"
she said. "A cat. And the taint of chaos need not mean a desire to do anyone harm. I
wish your help, and I'm willing to pay for it."
The old woman stood for a long moment, hunched over with both hands on
the knob of her cane, puffing on her corncob pipe. "Arright," she said at last.
"If nar harm's to coome to any at Bidderburg, I'rr hep ye."
Sidney produced the twist of paper from her purse. "This
paper," she said, "recently held a white powder. I saw someone pour it into a
glass of wine, in which it dissolved. I was told it was a medicine. I'd like to know what
it is."
The old woman stood unmoving. She puffed smoke for a moment.
"Why?" she said at last.
"I fear an old man is being poisoned."
The old woman reached out a hand, the forgers twisted with arthritis.
"Gie it here," she said. Sidney handed over the twist. The old woman took it,
sniffed the paper, and muttered a few Words, then token on her pipe and blew smoke onto
the paper. The smoke glowed faintly green. "Aye," she said. "Poison, o' ooh
kind ar anither. If ye want tee knoow what kind, ye sharr have to coome back
tommorrer."
Sidney let out a long breath; she hadn't realized until that moment
that she had been holding it. "Tomorrow? But I"
"Sayin' it's poison be easy enow," said the old woman
irritably. "Five shirring for that oon. Assayin' it, that be far more difficult; take
me soome time. If ye want ter know, it'rr cost ye a poond, and ye moost coome back
tomorrer."
"All right," said Sidney, and began to count the money out
onto Mabel's table.
"Keep yer coin," snapped the old woman. "I'rr take the
five shirring, but the rest coomes when the job be doone." Sidney nodded, and began
to retrieve her change. Mabel
set the twist of paper carefully down on the table, levered herself
gratefully into a chair, and said, in a low voice, "Froom the castle, I
suppooes?"
Sidney studied her before carefully responding, "Yes."
The old woman sighed. "Not soorprised," she said. "See
ye tommorrer."
IV.
Dinner that night was cold roast greep, bread, cheese, and ale; by
custom, the baron's household provided the food for the Feast of Grimaeus; the castle
kitchen was in a frenzy of preparation. The guests were left to dine on leftovers and put
themselves to bed, while work continued belowstairs.
The morning dawned gray and curiously warm. The clouds were a solid
bank, high above; there was no immediate rain, but many in Biddleburg eyed them uneasily,
hoping nothing would spoil the celebration. At eight, a procession left the castle,
bearing platters of food, cartloads of bread, enormous casks of beer, roast pigs,
pastries, chickens by the score. The chef de cuisine accompanied them, fussing
about and ensuring that the food was properly set out on boards in the market square; he
was exhausted, but would not sleep until the feast had ended.
By ten, virtually the entire town was in the square, gossiping and
eating. Farmers, woodsmen, charcoal-burners came from all over the baron's demesne for the
celebration.
At eleven, with a fanfare, the baron's party-including Timaeus and the
others, as honored guests-left the castle. It was the custom to walk, but Baron Barthold
was led down to the village on a palfrey, in respect for his infirmity.
Sidney walked through the narrow streets of the village with Bertram,
trailing the rest of the party. "Dreadful town," said the young heir.
"Beastly dull."
Gingerbread loomed above cobblestone streets. "I don't know,"
said Sidney. "I think it's charming. Quaint."
"Quaint," said Bertram, goggling at her. "Yes, that's
the word, by Fithold. Quaint indeed. Well, we must put a good face on it; the people will
expect a degree of gaiety, today. Anyhow, I am looking forward to the needlepoint
competition."
It was Sidney's turn to goggle. "Needlepoint . . . ?"
"Yes," said Bertram, puffing up a bit, "took it up at
university, very soothing. I have a piece in here, the Lonely Tower at Hamsterburg, all in
cross-stitch; I have high hopes for it. At least a third prize, or perhaps a second."
"I see," said Sidney.
"No hope for a first, of course," said Bertram.
"Mistress Mabel will have that one sewn up." He giggled, adding, "As it
were."
"Mistress Mabel?" said Sidney. "The witch? She does
needle"
"Tch tch tch," said Bertram, mildly censoriously. "We
don't say `witch,' you know. They're very sensitive. `Wise woman' is the preferred
locution."
Sidney snorted, but forbore from comment. After all, Mabel's damned
door proclaimed her a witch, so what was the
"The young heir," said a voice, in a slightly contemptuous
tone. They turned; a young man stood at the corner ofan alley, in forest green, a bow
slung over his shoulder. A hood covered his head, which, along with the dimness of the
alleyway, made it impossible to make out the lad's features.
"Good morrow, lad," said Bertram with good humor. "Come
for the archery competition?"
"I have," said the boy. "Will your uncle be in it?"
"I believe so," said Bertram. "He sets great store by
his skill with the bow."
"Good," said the boy. "Then one of us will be man enough
to stand up to him, at least."
"What do you mean?" asked Bertram.
The boy leaned forward, speaking quickly and urgently. "Can you
truly be insensible to the plight of the folk?" he said. "Bainbridge looted,
villages pillaged, good men broken on the wheel for no more crime than questioning
Broderick's fitness to rule"
"This, this is treason," said Bertram, shocked and uncertain.
"Treason, or love of truth," said the youth, then turned and
fled down the alley.
Bertram frowned after him. "There's something familiar... ,"
he muttered, then shook his head. "Insolent pup, what? Come along, Sidney." He
strode after the rest of the party, toward the market square.
Sidney hesitated long enough to take a brief look down the alley; it
ended in a wall, not ten cubits in, but there was no sign of the youngster. A puzzle; but
no doubt he was spry enough to climb a wall. She shrugged and followed Bertram.
They entered the market. Cheers rang out; Captain Blentz and a few of
his men went on ahead, to clear the way. The cheers for the baron seemed genuine, while
the townsfolk seemed to treat Sir Broderick with fearful deference and Sir Bertram with
genial, and slightly contemptuous, good humor. Both Broderick and Bertram spoke easily
with the townsfolk as they strolled across the square, telling a joke or asking after
someone's health.
The party from the castle took their seats on the wood platform, Sidney
next to Timaeus. She peered both left and right; there was no obvious way to sneak off,
not without attracting undue attention. She was in plain view of the entire crowd below.
How, then, was she to meet with Mistress Mabel?
Sir Broderick rose and made a brief speech, welcoming the folk in the
name of his brother, the baron (who waved, somewhat shakily), and thanking them for their
loyalty over the year (there were faint jeers at this). Sir Bertram donned ermine robes,
which the butler had brought from the castle, and made a brief invocation imploring the
goodwill of Grimaeus, who evidently was some regional spirit or deity.
And then the contests began. Mountaineers strove to climb a cliff near
the edge of town; it was clearly visible from the market square, and each wore a piece of
colored cloth pinned to his back, so that everyone could cheer his favorite. The first to
the top was promised a purse of coins. Then there was a contest for lumberjacks; several
large tree boles were brought into the square, and men vied to determine who might chop
through one quickest. A quilting bee was next; Sidney was asked to act as one of the
judges for this contest, her gender apparently being sufficient qualification, but managed
to decline the honor. There was an ale-quaffing contestKraki won that oneand a
display of wolves' pelts, on which the barony apparently paid a bounty, with a bonus going
to the hunter who had killed the largest number of the beasts.
The needlepoint display was next; each contestant brought out her (or
in one case, his) best work of the previous year. They were mounted on easels put up
before the platform, and the judgesall women, by their dress the wives of prosperous
townsmenstrolled up and down, examining them. Bertram stood nervously by his own
offering, talking occasionally to the crowd, who seemed to think that the heir's choice of
hobby was a marvelous joke. Broderick scowled blackly, no doubt believing the whole affair
a blot on the family escutcheon, raising unnecessary questions about Bertram's manliness.
Sidney was faintly charmed at blond Bertram's nervousness; as the
baron's son, surely he was guaranteed a place at the finish? "He's very handsome,
isn't he?" she said, loudly enough that Timaeus heard her.
The wizard, who had been puffing on his pipe, took it out of his mouth.
"What?" he said. "I mean, really. Bertram? Handsome? Bertram, handsome? I
say . . ."
Sidney gave him a faint smile.
Bertram had been a good judge of his chances; he took second prize.
Mistress Mabel appeared, leaning on her snake-knobbed cane. It occurred to Sidney that the
old woman looked more tired, in the light of day, than she had in her shop; there were
dark circles under her eyes, and she stifled a yawn as she hobbled painfully up to collect
her own prize, a small purse. Sidney hoped for some word from Mabel, but she passed
Sidney's place without a glance.
The needlepoint competition was followed by a dowsing contest. Then
there was a ball game, one new to Sidney. It was evidently a free-for-all, with no teams,
in which the player who ended a period of time in the ball's possession was considered the
victor. There were several injuries in the course of that one.
When the herald declared that the archery contest was about to begin,
Sir Broderick sprang up with a gleeful smile. "At last!" cried he. A servant
handed him his bow and a quiver of arrows, and he leapt off the platform to take his place
with the other contestants.
Captain Blentz and his men cleared an aisle down the center of the
square, along the path of the main road. The road beyond the end of the square was cleared
likewise, so that an errant shaft would not injure anyone. A target was judge's voice
shouted out, a little fainter now with distance, "A burr!" And there was almost
a sigh through the crowd.
Woodsley stood forth and almost negligently fired. "A burr!"
again came the shout, and there were murmurs of approbation. Broderick was blank-faced,
but by the redness of his ears, bursting with rage. The other two bowmen took their shots,
but one hit only the inner ring, while the other, perhaps rattled at having come so far in
the competition, missed the target entirely.
Again the target was moved back, another ten ells. Again Broderick toed
up to the line, drew his shaft, held it, released"Inner ring," came the
shout. Broderick's mouth compressed to a thin line; but he might win still, if Woodsley's
shot was no better.
Woodsley stood forth. He was less certain this time, holding his hood
at an angle to gauge the wind before drawing, holding the arrow by his ear for a long
moment before releasing
"A burr!" came the shout.
There was a murmur of awe through the crowdand then all eyes went
to Broderick, to see how he would react. He wore a tight smile, but put out his hand to
Woodsley genially enough, saying, "Well shot, Master Woodsley. You have a keen eye
indeed. I would see the face of the man who has bested me."
Woodsley put a hesitant hand to his hood, but said, "SirI
would not I"
Barely containing a snarl, Broderick reached out and flipped back the
hood of green.
There was a rumble of thunder; only Sidney seemed to notice.
Beneath the hood was close-cropped red hair
"Beatrice!" shouted a voice from the crowd. "Beatrice of
the Band!" And there was instant confusion.
It was she, Sidney saw, breasts strapped down, clothing baggy enough to
hide her form. She was running downthat long cobblestone street now, toward the gate at
the far end of town, the road already cleared of obstruction for use as a firing range.
Broderick watched her flee, but only for an instant before calmly drawing an arrow from
the quiver at his back, setting the string of his bow in its notch, pulling back the
string, aiming at Beatrice's back
"Uncle! No!" shouted Bertram, leaping off the platform and
running for the archers' station. But before he could reach his uncle, a burly, bearded
man in peasant garb darted from the crowd and hurtled shoulder first into Broderick,
sending the shot wild and knocking the nobleman to the ground.
The first fat drops of rain spattered on dusty cobbles. Men and women
ran to and fro in the crowd, as others of the Band made their presence known and ran off
likewise down the street, urging defiance on the crowd. Bertram reached Broderick in time
to help his uncle to his feet. "Blentz!" Broderick was screaming. "After
them, Blentz!"and indeed, the captain was running after the Bandsmen, sword in
hand, puffing badly. With him ran a half dozen soldiers, looking as if the last thing they
wanted to do was catch up with the bandits and be forced to fight them on more or less
equal terms. Without horsesall the horses were back at the castle, save only Baron
Barthold's palfreythe guardsmen's chances of catching Beatrice and the Band were
slim.
Men, women, and children were scurrying for cover, whether from the
danger posed by naked blades or the discomfort of falling rain it was hard to say. The chef
de cuisine was dancing with rage, berating his soul-chefs and maidservants:
"The pastry! By damn, save the pastry! The rain will ruin it!" But the castle
staff was in an uproar, too, goggling after the bandits, running about in insensible
panic.
"Should we do something, do you think?" said Jasper.
"I vant to kill someone," said Kraki, who had his sword out
and was looking wildly around, "but who?"
"Precisely," said Timaeus, looking unhappily into the rainy
sky. "Why do Broderick any favors? Or those bandits, either."
"Bunch of foolsh, that'sh what I'm hooked up with," said
Vincianus. "Don't have the shenshe to come out of the rain." He began a ritual
chant.
"Put that thing away," Nick said disgustedly to Kraki.
"You'll only get it rusty."
Kraki looked at him a little guiltily, then sheathed his weapon.
"Vic has a point," said Timaeus. "Why don't we
go"
Thunder crashed. Everyone jumped"Vies gone," said Sidney.
"Ah," said Timaeus. "Teleported back to the castle, I
suppose. Not a bad notion"
"Don't you dare!" said Sidney. Timaeus's own teleport spell
left a fireball at his place of departure; unpleasant for those left behind, albeit useful
when leaving someone you didn't particularly like.
Broderick was still running about and giving orders, but Bertram had
seemingly disappeared into the crowd.
"Look," said Nick. "I don't see any percentage in
staying here. Why don't we head back to the castle?"
"Righto," said Jasper. "Let's." He floated off the
platform, followed in more conventional fashion by Nick and Sidney.
"Nnnnn-nnnnn!" said Barthold, still seated in his chair,
his gray mustache drooping with wetness.
"Good heavens," said Timaeus. "Mustn't forget the baron.
Here, give me a hand. Can you walk, my lord?"
"Nnnn," said Barthold.
"Drat," said Timaeus. "Is the palfrey still about?"
"Ran off," said Nick.
"Never mind," said Kraki, who picked Barthold up, jumped off
the platform, and began to stride toward the castle.
It occurred to Sidney that she still had an errand to run.
V.
Timaeus dripped water onto the slate flags of the Great Hall. His red
hair was plastered to his skull, his beard dewed with droplets. Garments sucked wetly
against his skin. "Damnation," he fulminated miserably, "this castle is
normally overrun with servants; where the devil are they when a man needs them?"
"Scurrying about town, I'd guess," said Nick, shucking his
soaked jacket and draping it across a chair, "looking for bandits or hiding from
them." He was red-faced and exuberant.
"Servants?" said Jasper, whizzing gaily about. If he was
affected by the storm, it didn't show. "Timaeus, old man, you are a fire mage, after
all; surely you don't need a servant to start a blaze." Logs and kindling were
already laid in the fireplace; all that was needed was a spark.
Timaeus muttered something, then waved his hands a bit and said a Word;
a bolt of flame shot across the room, blasting into the hearth. Logs went tumbling like
skittles, but when they had settled down, the fire was positively raging.
"How is it that you're not soaked?" said Timaeus nastily.
"Bloody green pipsqueak." He went to bask before the fire, standing almost to
the flames; his hose began to give off steam.
"Umbrella," said Jasper.
Timaeus eyeballed the speck of light, which was settling into an
armchair. Umbrella? Timaeus hadn't seen an umbrella. But then, he never saw much of Jasper
in any event.
"Vhat's his problem?" asked Kraki, dropping Baron Barthold
into another armchair.
"Fire mage," said Jasper in good humor. "Can't stand the
wet, any of them. Magical opposites, you know."
"Hallo, hallo, all," said Bertram, breezing into the hall.
"Timaeus, old man; did you ever see such a goddess?"
"Mm?" inquired Timaeus, shaking each limb in turn, in an
effort to dislodge drops of water.
"I mean to say, what a creature! What an exquisite creature. And
what cheek! To beard old Uncle Broderick in his own den, as it were! I say, there's the
woman for me."
Timaeus stared at Bertram openmouthed. "Surely you can't
be"
"Oh, I know, I know, chaps; I'm dreadfully sorry. I suppose you're
all pining for that xanthous beauty yourselves, that gloriously"
"I say, Sir Bertram, old bean," said Jasper. "What the
devil are you babbling about?"
"What?" said Bertram, thunderstruck. "You mean to say,
you weren't as poleaxed as I?"
Kraki wandered over to the sideboard and thoughtfully fetched a full
decanter of Moothlayan whisky for Baron Barthold, who held it uncertainly in one shaky
hand. Normally, a servant poured two fingers for him when he wanted a drink; but Kraki had
different ideas about the proper way to quaff strong drink, ideas he was demonstrating
with a magnum of ancient Dzorzian sherry. He chugged it down like water.
Nick sat on the stones before the hearth, back to the blaze, cleaning
his fingernails with a dirk and smiling faintly at Bertram. Nick fancied himself an expert
inif not affairs of the heart, at least affairs of the flesh. In his judgment,
Bertram had about as much chance with Beatrice as a dachshund with a St. Bernard. Nick was
beginning to wonder whether he himself might have an opportunity ...
"I see not," said Bertram wonderingly. "Hard to imagine.
How could you not instantly have fallen for that veritable fount of pulchritude, the
beauteous and valiant"
"All right, all right, for goodness' sake," said Timaeus
irritably. "We appreciate the immediacy of your lovestruck state. Now do shut up and
let us dry out, there's a good chap."
There was an awkward silence.
"Look here, young Bertram," said Jasper. "It's all very
well to have fallen in love, but what do you plan to do about it?"
"Errwell, yes," said Bertram, digging for earwax.
"I had given it a modicum of thought. You see, Beatrice is a bandit, after all, in
rebellion against the lawful rule of her rightful sovran; and whatever meritorious
characteristics Uncle Brod possesses, a willingness to forgive and forget is not among
them. I take it, therefore, I must woo and win her, presenting the old relative with a
fait accompli."
Everyone mulled over this for a moment; light flashed from the windows,
followed momentarily by the crash of thunder. It was pouring still, out there.
"I shallI shall need your help, of course," said
Bertram uncertainly. "I'm afraid I am not, ah, altogether; ah, a sophisticate in
these matters of the heart."
Timaeus snorted, and fumbled for his pipe.
"Well well well," said Jasper, his voice thick with emotion.
"Of course you shall have our help, my lad. Of course we shall do everything in our
power to see that a successful conclusion is brought to the love between you and the
beauteous Beatrice."
"We will?" said Nick.
"Are you daft?" demanded Timaeus.
"Silence!" Jasper thundered. "Of course we shall! Are we
not heroes? What else does our duty demand? Omnia vincit amor; et nos cedamus amori, as
the poet says."
Kraki contemplated this as Bertram babbled thanks and Timaeus boiled.
He didn't understand the fancy talk, but as he understood it, heroism involved slaying
your foes, building pyramids with their skulls, and hearing the lamentations of their
women, preferably as you had your merry way with said women. He didn't quite see where
love came into it; but Jasper usually knew what he was doing, and it certainly sounded
more interesting than lolling about the castle and swilling the local liquor, which seemed
to be the alternative on offer.
"If you think for one minute," Timaeus declared, his pipe at
a determined angle, "that I intend to charge off into the raging storm in the cause
of some fatuous infatuation, than you're as feebleminded as Bertram here."
Nick said nothing; the prospect of seeing Beatrice again was
increasingly appealing, and whatever Jasper thought, Bertram did not strike him as much of
a rival.
"I say," said Bertram, shocked.
"I go," said Kraki.
"Good man," said Jasper. "And Timaeus, I must say, I am
shocked; to deny your plain duty"
"Duty? You old fool," shouted Timaeus, "our duty is to
get the damned statue of Stantius to Arst-Kara-Morn, not to run off to help the chinless
wonder, here, with his love life"
"I say!" said Bertram. "That's quite"
"First," said Jasper freezingly, "I would ask you to
keepyour voice down. And if you must shout, you might consider refraining from bellowing
our deepest secrets to the winds, especially when you well know that our host is far from
friendly."
"What? Nonsense, nonsense, I have only the most
amicable"
"Not you, Sir Bertram. Second, I must say, Timaeus, I am deeply
wounded at your cold, hardhearted attitude. It is indicative, I should think to say, of
the callous modern outlook; here we have a young man smitten with a beauteous maid, a maid
the mortal enemy of his uncle, star-crossed lovers"
Timaeus snorted. "If I recall correctly, when the subject of
Bertram was mentioned, Beatrice's comment was `That twit.' This hardly sounds like the
passionate cooing of the enraptured lover."
"She said what?" said Bertram.
"Listen to me, dammit!" shouted Jasper. He sighed heavily
before continuing. "How to put it? A maid the mortal enemy of the young man's uncle.
An uncle whowell, forgive me, young Bertraman uncle who has designs on our own
possessions. Not to mention our lives."
Bertram blinked. "How do you"
"Yes, dreadful man," said Timaeus. "And so?"
"And so. If we are to leave the castle safely, with our
possessions, we must either neutralize Uncle Broderick, or hoodwink him in some way, yes?
And how better to do so than to enlist the aid of the young heir and his blushing
bride-to-be?"
"I have a hard time imagining Beatrice of the Band as a blushing
bride-to-be," said Nick, who had spent a considerable amount of time imagining
Beatrice in a number of different roles, none of them involving a standing position.
"I have better plan," said Kraki. "Vhy not kill all the
soldiers in castle? Then ve leave."
"I like Kraki's plan better," grumbled Timaeus. "Omnia
vincit amor, eh? You're really going to put your faith in that old saw?"
"Bah, d' Asperge," said Jasper roughly. "Where's your
sense of adventure? Of romance?"
"Taking a long and pleasant rest before the fire with a snifter of
brandy," said Timaeus.
Jasper snorted. "Let's go, shall we, Bertram? We'll obviously get
nothing out of this insensitive clod." He lifted from the armchair and headed toward
the door.
"Yes," said Bertram plaintively, "but what's this about
Uncle Broderick having designs on"
"Oh all right, all right, all right," said Timaeus irritably.
"Coming, coming. I don't suppose you have such a thing as a mackintosh about the
place?"
Rain spattered off cobbles. Sidney was soaked through by the time she
got to the door of Mistress Mabel's shop. The bat-shaped knob turned in her hand and the
door opened. The cat arched its back and backed away from her, spitting madly.
"Beewzy!" shouted Mabel. The old woman was on her feet before
the fire, cane raised as if to strike at the animal. "Where's yer manners?" The
animal fled into the dimness of the shop.
"Don't blame her," said Sidney apologetically. "She
smells a strange cat . . . It's only natural that she defend her home."
Mabel lowered the cane and rested her weight upon it. She did look
tired, thought Sidney; it had not merely been the light of day that had made her seem that
way. "I see," said Mabel thoughtfully. "Well, enow. Naow, let me see."
She hobbled over to one of her shelves and selected an enormous leather-bound tome. With
it under one arm, her free hand clutching her cane, she turned and began to hobble for the
table at the center of the rooma slow process,burdened as she was by the volume's
weight. "Here, let me," said Sidney, taking the book and placing it on the
table.
"Thankee," said Mabel, flinging the book open with a crash.
With authority, she spoke a Word. Between Mabel and the tome, a patch of air turned fuzzy;
Sidney, peering over Mabel's shoulder, saw the letters of the page grow enormously in
size, seen through the patch of air. Mabel's finger ran up and down the page, the patch of
fuzzy space following. Sidney presumed that the spell was intended to allow the old
witch's ailing eyes to read the small and rather crabbed letters of the tome.
Mabel turned several pages, ran a crooked finger down a line of text,
then moved aside so that Sidney could read and said, "Here," tapping an entry
and stifling a yawn.
" `Venenum Opinici,' " read Sidney aloud. " `We have
it on ancient authority that the venom of the opinicus is of especial efficacy. The
monster's poison sac lieth against the lower portion of the skull, hard by' "
"Niver mind," said Mabel impatiently. "Gie me
that." She took the book back, flipped a few pages, and said, "Read here."
Sidney cleared her throat and read once more. " `The earthly
nature of the venom of the opinicus, which may be refined from the raw venenum through
distillation and titration, is itself a poison, acting directly upon the black humors of
the body. In small doses (a grain per stone), it induceth confusion, echolalia, thickness
of speech, and black moods; at somewhat heavier doses, lassitude and depression, spasms,
seizures, and severe speech impediment, sometimes such that the subject may be incapable
of communication entirely. Above doses of a dozen grains per stone of body weight, it
induces terrible seizures, often leading to death . . .' This is horrible."
"Aye," said Mabel heavily. "So it be."
"You found traces of venenum on the twist of paper I
brought you?" Sidney asked.
"Aye," said Mabel.
Sidney reread the passage. "Is there anything to be done?"
she asked.
Mabel played with the knob of her cane. "Mayhap," she said.
"The venoom be quickly metabolized, ye ken. Barthord moost be remedicated every dee,
or so."
"You figured out that it was the baron?" asked Sidney.
" 'Twere nar great trick," snapped Mabel. "See here,
now. A sight increase in doosage, an' the owd man be dead. But, stop piesoning him, an'
he'rr recoover in a dee or two. Och, mayhap he'rr niver be quite the man he were, but
he'rr be in his oon right mind."
Sidney considered this for a moment. "I'm not sure we have a day
or two," she said.
"Och, aye," sighed Mabel wearily. "Wherefore have I
spent a seepress night, preparing a pootation." From under the table, she produced a
plain stone jug that, by the words baked into the glaze, had once held the ginger beer of
Jos. Eisdorfer, Brewer, Tsugash City, Lesser Dzorzia. "A sip or tee, and owd Barthord
wirr recoover on the instant, at a cost in strength and pain."
"This is wonderful, Mistress," said Sidney. "It is,
however, more than we had.bargained for. What do I owe you?"
"Nothing, rass," said Mabel roughly. "I sharr ask the
owd man foor recompense."
"The baron?" asked Sidney.
"Aye," said Mabel, hobbling over to the wall, where a heavy
shawl hung. She took it from the hook and flung it about her shoulders. "Sham we be
off?"
Sidney blinked. "I suppose there's no reason not to dose the baron
now," she said.
"Aye, aye, get a move on," said the old woman impatiently.
She had taken a broom, and sat astraddle it now,the straw up toward her face and the shaft
behind. She patted the shaft behind her, indicating that Sidney should take a seat.
"Is it wise to fly in such a storm?" asked Sidney; in truth,
it was raging outside still, rain slashing down onto the cobblestone street, visible even
through the grimy window.
"It'd take me a coon's age tee hobble oop the hill ersewise,"
said Mabel. "Coome naow, dammit."
So Sidney sat behind. Mabel shouted a Word, and the door flung open,
crashing against the outside of the building. Another Word, and the three of themthe
two women and the broomslashed out through the door and up into space, barely
missing the overhang of one of the buildings as they leapt into the sky.
Sidney clutched Mabel's ample waist for dear life, wondering how the
nearsighted old witch could see in the raging storm.
"How are you going to find her?" asked Nick as they climbed
the spiral stair.
"Sir Bertram," said Jasper. "Would you have anything
belonging to Beatrice? A piece of clothing, perhaps the arrow she used today? Anything
that might have come into contact"
"I have a lock of her hair," said Bertram, removing a small
packet from a pocket near his heart. "Would that do?"
Jasper halted in midair. Everyone else stopped climbing the stairway
with him. "Lock of hair?" he said, flitting about the ribbon-tied auburn strands
that Bertram displayed. "How did you get that?"
"Oh," said Bertram embarrassedly, tucking the envelope back
into his jacket, "we were childhood sweethearts, you know."
"No, I didn't know," said Jasper severely. "When was
this?"
"Well, you know, her father, Sir Benton of Bainbridge, was one of
the few noblemen around. She and I played as children, and when I was sixteen, I was quite
sweet on her."
"And then?"
"Well, and then, I went to university, you know," said
Bertram. "And well, with one thing and another, you know . . ."
"O thou inconstant heart," said Jasper accusingly. "No
wonder she thinks you're a twit."
"Did she really say that?"
Without another word, Jasper had begun flitting up the stairs again,
and the others likewise resumed their climb.
"Is that," said Timaeus, "the same Sir Benton your uncle
broke on the wheel?"
Bertram cleared his throat. "Afraid so," he said
apologetically. "Apparently the old man rebelled against my father, his
liege"
"You weren't here?"
"No, I was at Durfalus University. Father had his stroke, and
Uncle Broderick came from his own demesne, in the Lesser Dzorzia, to help out.
Apparently"
"And Benton, outraged at Broderick's usurpation, took arms to
defend Baron Barthold, his liege, against the conniving younger brother"
"You think so?" said Bertram thoughtfully. "That's not
how Broderick tells the story."
"Bertram," said Timaeus, almost fondly. "You really are
a twit, you know."
"I don't know," said Bertram. "You see, Uncle's been
very kind to me. I don't know how I'd manage the barony without"
"Of course he's been kind," said Timaeus irritably.
"You're a useful figurehead."
"Yes, but"
"Here we are," said Jasper cheerily. "Hand over the old
lock, my boy."
"Here" was a watchtower; the windows gave onto what might
have been a glorious view, if the wind and rain hadn't restricted visibility. Unlike much
of the rest of the castle, it had not been modernized; the windows were unglazed, and the
cold stone floor was slick with water swept through the windows by the breeze. Thunder
crashed outside as lightning blasted a pine tree, down there on the mountainside, into
flinders. Kraki was leaning out a window, into the rain, letting the wind whip his hair
and the water spatter against his skin, a fierce smile on his face. Timaeus shuddered and
drew the mackintosh he'd been lent close about his body.
Somewhat reluctantly, Bertram handed over the lock of hair to Jasper.
"What are you going to do with it?" he said.
"It's no good our blundering about the forest in search of
Beatrice," Jasper pointed out. "Your uncle and Captain Blentz are already doing
that, I imagine, and Beatrice, woodswise as she no doubt is, won't want to be found. We
shall have to use magical means."
"But how"
"I am a mage of the mental arts, dear boy," said Jasper
condescendingly. "There aren't too many human minds out there in the forest; the
region is lightly inhabited. Even so, picking out one would be difficult, without some
token of its person; but I have a lock of her hair, which, by the principle of similarity,
is tantamount to having Beatrice here, by our side. It shall be but the work of a moment
to locate her."
And as Jasper spoke Words of power, the green light spiraled up, up
over the heads of the others, into the air of the high tower chamber. Thunder crashed,
and
"I sense her," Jasper said. "To the north-northeast.
Come, we shall have to act quickly; I can maintain the spell for a time, but keeping it
active requires power."
"Right," said Timaeus, heading for the stairs. "We'll
have to get our horses."
"No," said Bertram. "I think not."
Timaeus looked up in alarm. "What do you"
"After all," said Bertram, "I am Magister
Aeris." And he began to chant. Thunder flashed and power drew about him.
"A wizard, too?" said Nick. "I hadn't
realized"
"Why do you think he went to university?" said Timaeus
irritably. But he looked rather worried.
"What's wrong?" said Nick.
"He's attempting a fly spell."
"Yes," said Nick. "That makes sense. So?"
Timaeus sighed. "Bertram did not exactly cover himself with
scholastic glory," he said.
"He didn't take a first?" said Jasper.
"No," said Timaeus. "Far from it. But that's not the
worst of it."
"No?" said Nick.
"No," said Timaeus. "Air mages have no power over
earthly human flesh, but great power over the zephyrs of the air."
"So?"
"So their idea of a fly spell is a tornado."
"What?" said Nick, alarmed.
But before Timaeus could respond, ears popped as air pressure
precipitously dropped. They were sucked forcibly out the tower window.
Timaeus flailed, his mackintosh flapping about him as he and the others
began to plummet down, down through driving rain, the ramparts of the castle speeding
upward toward them in the gray day, an instant of frozen terror
Another gust of wind smashed them upward at the lastinstant, whipping
them up and away, lofting them in a high curve out over the forest, out to the
north-northeast.
Was that a witch on a broom, there in the aether? Whatever, it was of
no account; they were soon far beyond the crone, whipping out over the wilderness,
tumbling willynilly through the sky.
The gust failed. Again they plummeted toward the forest green, enormous
firs like daggers stabbing upward into the sky as they fell
Again the wind gusted, whipping them upward and on.
Timaeus moaned, soaked to the skin, his mackintosh no use in this
wildness, stomach lurching, bile rising in his throat.
Firs whirled crazily below as they plunged downward, down, limbs
snapping, branches scratching faces, until they smashed into the needle-covered forest
floor.
There was a moment of silence, broken only by the whistle of the wind
through the trees above, the crash of thunder, the steady drip of rainand moans of
pain.
Jasper, who had flown under his own power, circled down. "What
ho," he said. "Bracing, what?"
Timaeus sat up, spitting out pine needles, wiping rotted leaves off his
face. His cheeks were scratched, bits of twig were stuck in his beard, and he was soaked
to the bone. "Bertram!" he roared. "By all the gods, I shall roast you
until your eyeballs pop! You silly twit, if you ever do that to me again, I'
ll"
There was a moan of agony. Kraki was stooped over Bertram's.form.
"Clench your fist, man," the barbarian said. "Breathe through the
pain."
"What's wrong?" asked Nick.
"S-sorry, chaps," came a ragged voice. "I seem to have
busted the old gam."
They all crowded around Bertram. He was white-faced; his right leg lay
at an awkward angle. Nick crouched, took out a dirk, then pulled away Bertram's hose and
ran a razor-sharp edge up the garment, splitting it open. There was a large bruise on the
front of the leg, where the bone pressed against the skin. "Not a clean break,"
was Nick's opinion. "I don't dare try to set it without a healer."
"Dandy," said Timaeus. He hauled out his pipe and thumbed the
bowl disconsolately; the weed was almost certainly too wet to light. "Well, perhaps I
won't kill you, Bertram, old son; looks like you're having a go at it yourself."
"Someone must go for help," said Kraki.
They considered this. In the wilderness, halfway up some mountain, with
no clear idea of their location, in the midst of a thunderstormthe prospect of help
seemed pretty remote.
"Ah," said Jasper. "Not to fear." And with that,
the green spark zipped aloft, into the cover of the branches above.
"Jasper, dammit!" shouted Timaeus. "What are you going
to"
"Hold, an you value your life," said a voice. There was a
thunk, and an arrow vibrated from the bole of a tree, not inches from Nick Pratchitt's
head.
"Not again," complained Nick.
"Well," said Timaeus, "we were looking for
trouble."
"I kill them now?" asked Kraki.
"Oh, I suppose not," said Timaeus.
"No more talk!" rang out that voice, and a slim, greenclad
figure stepped out from behind a tree, holding a bow of yew.
"Hallo, Be," said Bertram weakly.
"Watch out!" shouted Sidney into the rain-swept air. The
window, all glass and lead runners, loomed before them, flanked by the stone walls of
Biddleburg Castle
With a crash, they hurtled through the glass, tumbling to the stone
floor.
"Damn arr moodern contrivances to herr an' goone!" spat
Mabel. "Tha's where me tax mooney goes, instarring grass in every window in
Bidderburg Castle, by arr the demons!"
Mistress Mabel had a ragged cut in her left hand, but it did not appear
to be serious. Sidney herself felt uninjured, though she was soaking wet and chilled to
the bone. Glass and strips of lead lay everywhere across the room-a bedroom, apparently
untenanted at present. At least there were no trunks, bags, or personal accoutrements,
though the bed was made and the room recently cleaned. Sidney had no idea where in the
castle they might be.
"First thing is to find the others," said Sidney.
"Broderick will be hard-pressed to stop us, with Timaeus and Kraki to lend a
hand"
"Brodick be oot in the woods, searching foor Beatrice," said
Mabel. "Nar need to woory aboot him, foor the nonce." She was hobbling for the
doorway.
"Pardon me, Mistress," said Sidney apologetically, "but
perhaps we'd move faster if I carry you." And she swept the older woman up.
"How oondignified," said Mabel. "Hurry, hurry, hurry.
Tha's the trooble with this new generation." But she clasped her arms about Sidney's
neck, and suffered herself to be carried.
Mabel was heftier than she appeared; by the time Sidney reached the
Great Hall, she was staggering. .She let Mabel gratefully down on a bench.
"Timaeus!" she shouted. "Jasper! Kraki! Halloo!"
There was no reply.
"Nick? Vincianus?"
Still no reply.
"Where the blazes can they be?" she demanded.
Mabel sighed. "I terr ye, yer friends are not important, naow. We
moost find the baron, and dose him, afore Brodick retairns."
"No one else is here," said Sidney in annoyance. "What
makes you think"
"Nnnn-nnnn-nnn," said a voice from an armchair. It was at the
far end of the enormous room, facing away from Sidney and Mabel and toward the fire. Mabel
rose, and the two women walked toward it.
"I might ha' know," said Mabel disgustedly. There was the
sharp odor of whisky. Kraki had left Baron Barthold with a flask of Moothlayan
single-malt, but without a glass; alone and bored, Barthold had removed the stopper and
had tried to sip whisky through the flask's narrow neck. Unfortunately, his coordination
was not up to the task, and he had splashed nearly as much of the whisky on his neck and
clothes as he had managed to get into his mouth. Even so, he gave them a loopy smile;
Sidney judged he was well potted.
"My lord," said Sidney, "Mistress Mabel has prepared a
potation that, we believe, will cure your illness."
"Nnnn-nnnn!" said Barthold, waving a liver-spotted
hand that, unfortunately, held the flask of whisky, sloshing more of
the liquid onto his armchair. There was the glint of panic in his eyes.
"Naow, naow," said Mabel. "Settle doon. Not that stooff
that Brodick hath been feeding ye; he's been piesoning ye by degrees, ye ken."
Barthold's face lit up, and he nodded his head rapidly.
"Nnn-nnn-nnn!" he said emphatically.
"You knew that?" said Sidney. "Why didn't you let
Bertram know?"
Barthold rolled his eyes.
"Never mind," said Sidney, chuckling. "Here. Mistress
Mabel says it's good for what ails you." She held the jug up to his lips, and the
baron greedily swallowed.
When his teeth began to rattle against the jug, Sidney decided he'd had
enough. She pulled away. The old man was sitting bolt upright in the armchair, vibrating
like a tuning fork, his face as red as a beet, the knuckles of his hand white around the
neck of the whisky flask. Sidney tried to take it from him, but his grip was too tight.
He shook this way for a minute or twoMabel began to look
concerned, and took a wrist to measure his pulse.
But at last, he slumped back into the chair.
There was a long moment of silence, while Barthold rested.
Then, a rusty, aged voice sang,
"John o' dell hath run awayand I am full of sorrow.my heart left with him on the
dayand shan't come back tomorrow."
Barthold sat upright and opened his eyes. "By Dion," he said,
"I can speak."
VI.
Timaeus, Nick, and Kraki sat with bound arms. Timaeus was red with
anger at the indignity. Nick looked preoccupied, as indeed he was; he was busy pulling a
strip of sharpened metal out of his left sleeve with the fingers of his right hand. He
kept it there for just such eventualities, and was reasonably confident of severing his
bonds within minutes. Kraki looked unruffled; he, too, was reasonably confident he could
free himself in short order, albeit through brute strength rather than any such clever
stratagem.
"Firefies cooming oot wi' the end of the rain," said a
bandit, shooing Jasper's green light away with the swat of a hand. Jasper dodged quickly
enough to avoid contact.
Bertram lay, unbound, at the center of an attentive group of bandits,
Beatrice with them. A fat friar felt all over Bertram's leg, his hands glowing faintly
blue. "Compound fracture," the friar said cheerily. "Have you right as rain
in half a tick." He chanted a bit, and poured some wine ontothe ground as an
offering, then bent his tonsured head over Bertram's leg again. "Shan't hurt a
bit," he said, placing one hand on each side of the break and giving the leg a
sudden, vicious twist.
"Aaaaaaaaaaah!" screamed Bertram.
Kraki scowled. "Get hold of yourself," he said sternly.
"Are you a voman?" Beatrice turned to smile faintly at the barbarian.
"If that's your idea of not hurting" said Bertram.
"Now, now, chin up," said the friar. "Here, have a
swallow of this." And he gave the young noble a wineskin.
Bertram squirted a bit into his mouth, grimaced, and swallowed.
"It has medicinal qualities, I suppose?" he said dubiously.
"Oh, aye, aye, medicinal qualities," chuckled the friar.
"Drink enough of that, and you'll feel no pain, I'll warrant. Drink too much, and
you'll be dancing up the trees, busted gam or no." He took up a chant again, moving
his hands up and down Bertram's leg. "Bed rest for a week, me lad," he said.
"Keep that leg immobile; I'll rig up a splint for you. And you'll need a cane for a
week after that."
"Thank you, Brother," said Bertram.
"Not at all," said the friar.
"What do you in the greenwood, Sir Bertram?" asked Beatrice
coolly.
"Looking for you, actually," said Bertram, almost
apologetically.
"Indeed?" said Beatrice, slightly surprised.
"Well," said Bertram. "Actually, I came because ...
Well. In springtime, a young man's fancyNo, that's not how to put it. How shall I
begin?"
"At the beginning," suggested Beatrice, slightly testily.
"Erryes," said Bertram. "UmLook here,
Beatrice. You were marvelous at the fair, you know. First-rate marksmanship"
Oh, stop babbling, you idiot, said a voice in Bertram's skull.
"Who said that?" said Bertram.
"Who said what?" said Beatrice. "Speak up, Sir Bertram,
and yarely. Our Band has many tasks to which we must attend, foremost among them the
evasion of our pursuers. We have not the time for persiflage. Spit it out."
I said that, said Jasper. Jasper de Mobray. Telepathically, to
belabor the point.
"Do I have to talk back?" said Bertram.
No, thinking will do, said Jasper.
"Sir Bertram," said Beatrice coolly, "my patience is
sore pressed. We must choose between taking you hostage and abandoning you here; I am
inclined to keep you as our captive, perhaps to bait a trap for the usurper. But I demand
to know your reason for pursuing us. Are you in truth in your uncle's pay, as many
claim?"
Ask to speak to her alone, said Jasper.
"Ahmay we speak privately?" said Bertram.
"Wherefore?" demanded Beatrice.
You have a message for her ears alone, said Jasper.
"I have a message for your ears alone," said Bertram. I do?
he thought.
"Oh, well enow," said Beatrice, turning to the bandits.
"Good my fellows, Sir Bertram and I shall talk en privй; I bid you, give us
space in which to converse."
"But mistress," protested a bandit. "He may intend ye
harm"
"Am I some silly wench, to require your protection?" demanded
Beatrice. "Move off, an I command ye." "Bertram, what the devil are you up
to?" asked Timaeus worriedly.
"Don't worry," said Bertram uncertainly.
"Don't worry?" grumbled Timaeus to Nick as they were led
away. "There's no telling what the twit will do."
Now then, said Jasper.
"Now then," said Bertram.
Don't parrot me, damn it, said Jasper. I was just saying
"Now what?" said Beatrice. "See, here are my ears; where
is your message for them?"
Look here, said Jasper. Bring up some fond remembrance.
"Remember that beauteous May, when we wove garlands out of the new-blossomed buds,
" something like that.
"Beatrice," said Bertram, looking a little desperate.
"Remember the time we climbed Mount Arsna, and picked blueberries together?"
"Yes," said Beatrice, leaning against a tree, strung bow in
one hand but no arrow nocked. "You put a spider down my dress, as I recall."
You did that? said Jasper.
"Yes, but ... Oh, it's no use. Look here, Beatrice. I'm hopelessly
in love with you. I know it's useless, but"
"You're what?" said Beatrice incredulously, pushing away from
the tree.
"Yes, I know, dash it all, not very romantic to put it like that,
but there it is, you know. I can't imagine why I didn't see it years ago. I"
"Well, I like that," said Beatrice. "You disappear off
to school, never a letter; your uncle tortures my da to death, systematically loots the
barony, and dispossesses widows and orphans while you look benevolently on"
"Well, ah, I know there's been an increase in taxes," said
Bertram apologetically, "but Pater did let the roads get into terrible repair,
and"
"Have you seen anyone fixing the roads?" demanded Beatrice,
face reddening, her freckles becoming even more prominent. "And be quiet until I'm
done! 'Struth, you haven't the brains of a newt, Sir Bertram de Biddleburg. If anyone had
a duty to interest himself in the barony and see that justice was done after your father
fell ill, it was you; and yet there you sit in that damned castle, lapping up Broderick's
lies and taking your ease, while"
"Well"
"Be silent!" shouted Beatrice, chest heaving with emotion.
"You love me, you say? Pah! I'd sooner have a greep for a lover!" And she turned
sharply away and strode for the bandits, who looked quite interested, having caught at
least the end of this exchange.
Bertram groaned. "That's it then," he said miserably.
"Could you lend me a dagger or something, Jasper? So I can kill myself now and save
everybody the trouble?"
A chuckle came from the "firefly." "Buck up, old
son," said Jasper. "You did rather well, I thought. At least you got it
out."
"But she despises me," moaned Bertram.
"Opposites live side by side in the human heart," said
Jasper.
"What is that supposed to mean?" said Bertram.
"And how are you, my dear lady?" asked the Right Honorable,
the Lord Barthold, Baron Biddleburg, as he tottered unsteadily from his chair.
"Sit ye doon, ye owd foor," said Mabel. "Ye'rr be weak
yet."
"And thank you too, Miss?" said Barthold, sinking back
into the armchair.
"Stollitt," said Sidney. "Sidney Stollitt."
"Where is that weasel Broderick?" asked Barthold weakly.
"Oot wi' his men, hoonting poor Beatrice doon, I warrant,"
said Mabel, peering into Barthold's eyes and thumping his chest.
"He won't have taken the whole guard," said Barthold. "I
must rouse them against him, bar the castle gate, send word to the folk in the town
below"
"Werr, ye're fit enow," said Mabel. "Ye ought tee be in
bed, me boy."
"I'm not your boy, madam," said Barthold, reaching out and
giving Mabel a resounding slap on the flank. "Though there was a time when I wouldn't
have minded being."
"Nar a' that," said Mabel, grabbing his wrist but sounding
more pleased than scandalized.
"Do I have your gracious permission to hobble to the armory?"
asked Barthold.
"Nar, ye dee not," said Mabel. "Ye're tee weak
stirr." Sidney sighed; her arms still ached from carrying Mabel. "I'll have to
carry him," she said resignedly.
Mabel chuckled. "Gee on apace, then," she said. "I sharr
coome a'ter."
Luckily, thought Sidney, Barthold was not too great a burden; the
stress of the poison had reduced him to skin and bones, and he had not been a large man to
begin with. Still, Sidney walked as quickly as she was able, more because she wished to
rid herself of the weight than because she felt a need for speed. With Barthold to direct
her, it did not take long to find the armory.
Within, a half dozen soldiers lounged about, some snoozing, a few
dicing. Weapons were scattered here and there, but none of the lot wore armor.
Sidney set Barthold down in the doorway, letting his feet drop before
standing him up. The baron peered about at the men.
"Hallo," said one of the soldiers, spying the two in the
doorway. "Who's that?"
"It's the old man," said another. "And that wench with
Bertie's friends."
The first elbowed the second in the ribs. "Where's your manners,
Gaston?" he demanded. "With Sir Bertram's friends. How do you do, miss?
May we help you?"
"Now, you louts," said Barthold, his thin voice giving hint
of former power, "on your feet! I want the portcullis down and the watchtower manned.
And I"
"He's talking!" said one of the soldiers.
" 'Sblood, Marek," said Gaston. "You do have a talent
for stating the obvious."
"That's bad," said Marek, worriedly. "Sir Broderick
won't like it."
"By all the gods, I gave you an order!" shouted Barthold.
"I'm the head of this household, and I demand that you prepare to defend this castle
against my damnable brother!"
The soldiers looked worriedly at one another. "Meaning no offense,
my lord," said one at last, "but Sir Broderick's the one who issues our
pay."
"II never . . . ," sputtered Barthold.
"In fact, we'd better hold him until Sir Broderick returns,"
said Gaston worriedly.
"Are you sure?" said Marek. "I mean, he is the baron; if
we do the wrong thing, we could wind up"
While the soldiers debated, Barthold turned and began to march away.
Sidney backed away from the door with him.
Several soldiers grabbed weapons and headed for the door. Cursing,
Sidney snatched at the knife in her thigh sheath. She had not thought it necessary to wear
weapons to the Feast of Grimaeus, and had not been back to her room since the morning;
only a reluctance to go wholly unarmed had made her wear this unobtrusive blade.
"Now, ma'am," said Gaston, "that's really not necessary.
We're just going to hold you until Sir Broderick returns. There's no need for
violence."
Looking at six swords, Sidney sighed. "I'm sorry, Lord
Barthold," she said. "I think we'd better do as they say."
Barthold's mouth was a thin line above his weak chin. "I agree, my
dear," he said.
Down the corridor, Mabel slipped around the corner;Sidney saw her out
the side of her eye. With relief, Sidney realized that the witch knew of their
predicament.
Bertram lay in a makeshift stretcher, the poles trimmed saplings, a
torn blanket slung between them. The bandits were evidently ready to move.
Beatrice surveyed Timaeus, Kraki, and Nick. "What shall we do with
you?" she said.
"Och, Beatrice," said one of the bandits. "We hae nar
choice but tee kirr them. We canna leave hostires behind oor back."
Kraki looked up at this and smiled. "Good," he said. He
bounded to his feet, wrenched his hands free of his bonds with a grunt, and charged into
the bandits, knocking them asprawl. There were shouts of anger, and soon Kraki was in a
tangle of men, arms and fists flying, quarterstaves thumping uselessly at such close
quarters. Beatrice danced about, shouting orders.
There was a sudden bang and a flash of light. Beatrice turned toward
itTimaeus stood there, freed of his bonds, urbanely tamping his pipe, while Nick,
likewise free, had grabbed a quarterstaff and was swinging it experimentally. He was
familiar with urban stick fighting, but such a large stick was beyond his experience.
"Really, Lady Beatrice, there is no need for this," said
Timaeus.
"It was not in my mind to order you slain," she said
irritably. "The barbarian acted in hasty wise"
"Yes, yes," said Timaeus. There was another
explosionBeatrice ducked as flames enveloped Timaeus's head, but soon realized this
was not an attack. The wizard puffed contentedly on his pipe, smoke curling out into
pine-scented air. "He's having a ball, I have no doubt. Call them off, and we shall
discuss the matter."
"Gervais!" shouted Beatrice, turning toward the struggling
knot of men. "Egbert! William! Enough! Break off, I charge ye!"
Gradually, the fighters untangled themselves, leaving a panting,
grinning, black-eyed Kraki standing at the center, on the balls of his feet and ready for
a renewed struggle. The bandits looked considerably more battered than he. "What is
problem?" said Kraki. "I have not yet even broken any bones!"
"You see, my lady," said Timaeus, "you make a mistake in
believing that we are your enemies."
"Even so?" said Beatrice skeptically. "We have robbed
you; you sup at the usurper's table; you accompany this fool." She gestured toward
Bertram, who winced at being so described. "What should I take you for but
foes?"
"My good lady," said Timaeus, "on the contrary, we have
come to join your band."
"I beg your pardon?" she said, arching a skeptical eyebrow.
"I can't imagine why you should think elsewise," said
Timaeus, pausing for another puff. "Our good friend, Sir Bertram, has broken with his
uncle, recognizing at last the evil he has wrought within the barony. In companionship, we
join with him, as he comes to plead his love for the beauteous Beatrice."
There were jeers and hoots from her men at this.
"You've broken with Broderick?" Beatrice demanded of Bertram.
"Well, ah, that is" said Bertram. The light that was
Jasper darted down from the trees and gave Bertram's leg a sharp jostle. "Ouch! Yes,
I've broken with Uncle Brod."
"Well, why didn't you say so, Bertie," said Beatrice, shaking
her head, "instead of going on about the need to fix up the roads? I mean,
really."
"Well, ah; the decision was a rather sudden one ...... said
Bertram plaintively.
"If you have in truth come to join your fortunes withour own,
Bertie," said Beatrice, "we shall find good use for you. But you, friend wizard;
how can I know to trust you?"
"Well ... you know," said Timaeus, "glad to help out a
fellow Old Durfalian. I mean, old school ties are the ties that bind, and ... and so
forth." He saw that this logic was not having the intended effect on Beatrice. He
gave a cough and tried again. "As it happens, we have a rather valuable cargo, which
good Sir Broderick has been plotting to seize, killing us in the bargain."
"Verily, that sounds like the man," said Beatrice, "but
how did you learn of this scheme?"
"We have our means," said Timaeus. "Don't we, Jasper.
"Quite so," said Jasper, inches away from Beatrice's left
ear. She started and whirledto see nothing but a point of green light.
"Your servant," said Jasper, bobbing.
"Isee," said Beatrice.
"Indeed," said Timaeus, "it would be in our interest to
remove Sir Broderick from power."
Beatrice arched an eyebrow. "My aims are not so grandiose,"
she said. "My men are doughty, but 'gainst hardened warriors .. ." She shrugged.
Timaeus puffed smoke thoughtfully. "Even with magical
support?" he suggested. "And the legitimate heir at the van?"
"At the van ... ?" said Bertram, looking faintly ashen.
"We shall have to hold council," said Beatrice, smiling and
serious.
Sir Broderick stamped into the guardroom, scattering water from his
waxen coat, a floppy felt hat on his head. "Damnation, Blentz!" he thundered.
"I've had it up towhat's Barthold doing down here?"
The baron, who had been napping in an armchair, woke up with a start.
"Good day, brother," he said dangerously. "How d'ye do, you despicable
swine."
Broderick was obviously startled, but quickly rallied. "Good
heavens, an unexpected-and remarkably rapidrecovery. Well, this is good news. Glad to see
you back on your"
"I shall expect an immediate accounting of your expenditures since
your arrival here," said the baron, "and access to your files. To start with,
you may order these men to release me; they seem to be under the
misapprehension"
"See, here, Barthold," said Broderick. "You don't seem
to understand"
"I understand quite well!" said Barthold, standing unsteadily
up in rage. "I am giving you a chance to make amends! Cooperate, and I shall do my
best to see that your reputation emerges from this mess unbesmirched"
"Oh, shut up," snapped Broderick. "You always were a
moralistic jackass, do you know that, Barthold? Marek, Gastontake him to the
dungeon."
Blentz, puffing and red-faced, sparse hair plastered to his skull with
the wet, had come into the room in time to hear the end of this exchange. "Sir
Broderick," he said. "Is that wise? If word gets out"
"Be quiet, Blentz," said Broderick, sinking down in the
armchair that Barthold had vacated. He seemed unhappy, surprisingly calm, almost moody.
"I see no alternative," he muttered to himself.
Blentz looked as if he had something to say, but held his tongue.
Abruptly, Broderick became aware that Sidney was still present, sitting
on the floor with her back to the wall.
"Damnation," he said. "And a witness, too. Better lock
her up as well. Separate cells, mind."
They moved through the dripping woods. From ahead and to the flank,
birdcalls came: not the natural song of the wild, but reports from Beatrice's scouts. At
present, Beatrice wished to avoid contact with Broderick's men, something she could best
achieve with advance warning of their presencehence the need for scouts. Timaeus was
impressed with this show of military expertise on the part of a pack of peasants and
woodsmen.
He, Nick, and Kraki walked with Beatrice. Bertram and his bearers
brought up the rear. Though this was climax forest, with little ground cover, the bearers
were forced to step over fallen logs or dodge tree limbs from time to time. The stretcher
was rarely level, and often jostled. Bertram was still suffering considerable pain, and
the unevenness of the path did nothing to relieve it. He had been quite happy, therefore,
when Jasper had resumed their sub rosa conversation; at least it kept his mind off
his leg.
Well, all right, Jasper, said Bertram, if you fellows really
think it's wise, I'll go along. But, I mean, good heavens, we're talking about war.
Brother against brother, sword and flames, blood in the streets sort of thing.
Fiddlesticks, said Jasper, flitting above the stretcher. Do you
want Beatrice or not?
Well, yes, rather, said Bertram.
Well, then, it's obvious enough, isn't it? Misled by your evil uncle,
you aided him in his usurpation of your father's demesne, but now love has burgeoned in
your breast. The beautiful Beatrice has shown you the error of your ways, the
scales have fallen from your eyes, epiphany has struck bolt-like from the heavens, and so
forth and so on. Therefore, as the valiant young heir of the House of Biddleburg, you will
ride forth, rally the folk of the realm, and lead them, together with the doughty woodsmen
of the Band of Beatrice, 'gainst Biddleburg Castle. Having gained the ramparts, you will
free your father from durance vile, wed the noble Beatrice, and unite the people of your
realm, former rebel and loyal townsman alike, in glorious harmony. Wedding bells ring, the
heroic couple walk off into the sunset, hallelujah and hooray, omnia vincit amor.
Yes, well, said Bertram, it sounds very neat. But, you know, I'm
really not the blood-and-thunder type. You want someone like, like your friend Kraki
Kraki? Nonsense, not his style at all. He'd just kill everyone in
sight, and sell everyone else into slavery. No, for this kind of job, you want the young
but stalwart heir
Oh, come on, Jasper, whined Bertram, there's no point, really.
She despises me, I'm completely useless as a man of war, I'm
Snap out of it, said Jasper, practically shouting in Bertram's
brain. Do you want her or not?
Well, rather.
Then play the role. Besides, chin up. She did call you Bertie, after
all.
She did, didn't she? said Bertram. Do you think that's a good
sign?
My dear chap, said Jasper, I think the thing is practically in
the bag.
Mr. Bates rang the gong in the Great Hall; it was dinnertime at
Biddleburg Castle. He stood stiffly by the main entrance, ready to guide the guests to
their appointed places. An antipasto was on the table, and back in the kitchen the chef
de cuisine had already prepared a cold vichyssoise, a melange of fresh
vegetables, and the dessert, a Carte aux framboises, and was busy with the
finishing touches for the rack of lamb with rosemary. Mr. Bates, who was no mean
trencherman himself, rather hoped that Sir Broderick would eschew another of his
interminable hunting stories tonight, as the butler hoped to retire to the Steward's Room
as quickly as possible, in search of his own sustenance. Rack of lamb was one of Bates's
particular favorites.
Broderick arrived, looking a little flustered; he had barely had enough
time to change out of his wet things and into appropriate garb for dinner. "A bit of
the Moothlayan, Bates, if you please," he said, and gravely accepted three fingers of
whisky.
Broderick paced a bit about the hall, sipping his drink, while Bates
stood as impassively as ever. After several minutes, Blentz opened the door and walked
rather awkwardly into the room. He'd been asaddle all day, and his thighs were feeling the
strain.
"Where's Bertram," snapped Broderick, "and his damnfool
friends?"
"Haven't seem them," said Blentz shortly, sagging into an
armchair.
"What about it, Bates?" demanded Broderick.
"If ye please, sor," said the butler, "I've nar seen
them since the morning. Sharr I inquire amoong the staff?"
"Please," said Broderick, and so the butler departed.
Blentz stared moodily into the fire, and Broderick poured himself
another drink. After several minutes, Bates returned.
"I'm soorry, sor," he said, "but the staff has seen nar
hide nar hair oof Sir Bertram, nar oof his friends, since the incident doon in the
toon."
Broderick was rather alarmed at this news. "Neither hide nor
hair?" he said incredulously. "I thought I saw them leaving the square toward
the castle as we set out in pursuit of the rebels."
"Mayhap, sor," said Bates apologetically. "The staff was
in toon, ye ken, foor the festivities, and did not return tirr later. They may hae coome,
and departed."
"Departed for where?" asked Blentz tiredly.
"Begging your pardon, sor," said Bates, "boot I canna
say."
Blentz groaned. "I suppose you'll want me out searching the woods
again," he said to Broderickbut the man was gone, running out the door.
Blentz sat up and peered at the antipasto. He was famished, but it
would not do to start in on the food, not before everyone else arrived. He and Bates
exchanged glances, both feeling rather put-upon.
"Shall I bring in a cheese tray, sir?" inquired Bates.
Blentz smiled in relief. "Just the thing, Mr. Bates," he
said. "Thank you very much.".
"Noot at arr, sir."
Broderick and Bates returned almost simultaneously, Broderick, in a
reversal of roles, holding open the door so that Bates, bearing an enormous silver platter
set with crackers and a large wheel of brie, could enter the room. "They left the
wagon," Broderick said with satisfaction.
Blentz blinked a minute; he had forgotten about the wagon. "And
the statue"
"Still there," said Broderick.
"May I take it, sor," asked Bates, "that we wirr be ony
three at dinner?"
"Three?" said Broderick.
"You, sor," said Bates, "the good captain; and the
baron, of coorse."
Broderick blinked. "Ah, I see," he said. "No, Mr. Bates,
my brother won't be coming down to dinner tonight; he's somewhat indisposed, I'm
afraid."
"Sharr I have a tray taken oop, sor?"
Broderick cleared his throat. "Ah-no, thank you, Mr. Bates; why
don't you bring the tray here, and I shall take it up myself, after supper."
Bates's impassive faced betrayed nothing, but internally he felt a
quiver of alarm. Why would Sir Broderick want to prevent him from seeing Sir Barthold?
"Just as ye say, sor," he murmured. "If ye wirr take your paces, then,
gentermen, I sharr ca' the wine steward."
The fire crackled; they burned hemlock, a wood notorious for sparking.
It was down to the embers now. About the camp, snores resounded. Nick found himself
wakeful.
In such a mood, he knew, it was pointless to lie abed, mind whirring
uselessly. He got up and went to relieve himself and drink at the purling stream.
Returning, he caught sight of a figure: Someone stood atop the rise
that flanked their campsite. Nick's breath caught; the profile was indubitably that of a
woman. He climbed upward.
Up here, there was little sound; merely the soft breeze, soughing
through the pines. The stars spread gem-like across the velvet sky. Beatrice stood gazing
at them, one booted foot atop a boulder, leaning on the shaft of her bow.
"Beautiful, isn't it?" Nick said.
"Aye," said she, half turning toward him. "'Tis nearly
enough, the glory of creation, to justify the vileness of mankind."
"Are all men vile, then?" asked Nick, standing closer to her.
He drank in her scent; to another, the smell would not have been attractive. There was
rarely time or opportunity to bathe, in the greenwood, as Beatrice's odor gave evidence,
but to Nick, at that moment, it seemed the veriest perfume of paradise.
"Vile enow," said she.
"I'd show you different," Nick murmured.
She permitted him to kiss her, then drew away. "I think not,"
she said:
He smiled quizzically at her. "Life is short," he said,
"and pleasure fleeting; we must take it where we may. How better to spend an hour, in
this soft air, under the distant stars?"
"Fool," said Beatrice softly. "How do you imagine a
woman may lead this band of bandits? Either I must have all men, or none."
"Who's to know?" said Nick, reaching an arm around her waist.
"Actions have consequences," said she, lifting his hand away.
"And youth and love must have its way," said Nick.
Beatrice laughed. "Sirrah," she said, "to hear you speak
of love is even less credible than to hear it from Sir Bertram.
Nick gave an unwilling smile. "Well," he said, "if you
won't, you won't."
"And I won't," she softly said.
Nick nodded and trudged down the slope, back to his bedroll, where he
spent a sleepless, lust-tortured night.
Beatrice got little more sleep than he. Broderick, she
saw, watching the wheeling stars, had robbed her of her youth, as well
as her inheritance. The latter she might regain, but the former was forever gone.
VII.
At dawn, Master Gorham, the stonewright, stood at the center of Bain
Bridge, for which the barony's second town was named, staring critically down at the
bridge's stone supports. The River Bain was swollen with yesterday's rain, white water
crashing down its channel. Master Gorham had lived with that noise all his days, the
constant susurrus of the stream against which Bainbridge lay, a comforting burbling that
lulled the citizens of the town to sleep each night. He hardly noticed the sound most
days, but this morning had been woken by a change in its tenor. The stream had been full
before the rains, still running with snow melt from the high mountain peaks above
Biddleburg; but rain had swollen it almost to its banks.
It was not flooding that concerned Gorham; the Bain's channel was deep.
Rather, he was concerned for the bridge.
It was impossible to tell from this vantage, but he feared that the
waters were undermining the piers, the stone pillars on which Bain Bridge stood. In
earlier days, the mere suspicion would have been enough to charm a fat contract for repair
from Baron Biddleburg; alas, Sir Broderick was a more tightfisted man. Worse than that,
thought Master Gorham; he was a tyrant, or so the citizens of Bainbridge accounted him,
for he had hanged a half dozen of the townsfolk's men, in punishment for their support of
Sir Benton's rebellion. Broderick would be letting no contracts to Bainbridge's
stonemason, Master Gorham told himself, no matter the state of the bridge's repair.
Because he was up so early, and on the bridge that led into town,
Gorham was the first to spy the approach of Beatrice and her men. He looked at them
wide-eyed for a moment, then turned and hurtled toward the village.
By the time Beatrice and the others arrived, half the village was
already in the courtyard before the Greep Couchant, the inn at the center of town. In
better times, the whole community would have turned out for such an event; but half the
village, apparently, thought discretion the better part of valor, and had no desire to
risk meeting rebels, in revolt against a lord who had proven his vindictiveness,
especially well-armed rebels who might prove as dangerous as the enemy they fought. Sir
Broderick had few friends in Bainbridge town; but that did not mean that the Band had
many.
"Madam Helsing, Master Gorham, Mistress Entright," said
Beatrice, nodding to folk she had known from childhood, "I bid ye well."
"Get ye gone froom here!" shouted Madam Helsing. "We hae
suffered enow in your famiry's cause. Why dee ye endanger us again?"
"Be quiet, woman!" shouted Mistress Entright. "E'er has
the house of Bainbridge served the toon well! Wourd ye kiss the whip tha' scourges
ye?"
"Marss Beatrice," said Master Gorham worriedly, "toomany
toonsfolk hae suffered for us to greet you joyfurry. Can we ask why you"
"What, you too, Master Gorham?" said Beatrice.
Gorham looked blank for a moment.
"I am not `Miss Beatrice,' " she said, projecting her voice
like one accustomed to addressing crowds, speaking in a conversational tone but with
sufficient volume to reach everyone present. "Nor Mademoiselle Beatrice, nor yet
Madam Beatrice. Sir Benton, my father, is dead; he hath no male issue. Wherefore, I
inherit his title and demesne; I hight Lady Beatrice, a peeress of right, though Baron
Barthold has not yet received my oath of fealty. Before he may do so, he must be freed
from his brother, who usurps"
"So said yer father, and see what good it did him!" said
Madam Helsing.
"Though Sir Brodick's rure be oonerous and his taxes bear heavy,
it wourd seem to be lawfur," said Master Gorham apologetically. "He says he acts
foor the baron while Barthord is sick, and he has the suppoort of Sir Bertram, the heir.
You say he is a usurper, but lacking proof'
I say she's right!" said a voice from behind Beatrice, from amid
her Band.
"Who speaks?" said Master Gorham.
"Stand me up, lads," said Bertram. They set down his
stretcher and helped him to a standing position, a shoulder under each arm to bear him
aloft despite his broken leg. "I do, good sir," said Bertram.
"You say your ooncle acts wi' oot the baron's consent?" asked
Gorham skeptically.
"Well, you know, the old pater doesn't seem to be in much shape to
consent to anything. That is, the old We is more than a little au fouillis. Ding
dong, nobody home, if you follow my drift."
"Then," said Gorham slowly, "the right tee rule descends
on the shouders oof the heir. So it is oop tee ye tee determine whether Sir Brodick acts
legarry oor nar."
"Well, Uncle Brod does seem rather to have taken advantage of the
situation, what? All these taxes and such; heaven only knows where the money is going. And
to kill Sir Benton-I mean, going a bit far, I thought. The old relative has overstayed his
welcome, if you ask me. A bit. He needs a firm talking to, I believe."
"Do ye suppoort Lady Be in her reberrion against Sir Brodick,
then, Bertram, our baron-to-be?" shouted Mistress Entright.
"Err, well, perhaps," said Bertram. Timaeus gave him a poke.
"That is to say, I suppose so." Beatrice turned toward him, fire in her eyes.
"Yes, definitely," Bertram added hurriedly. "Unquestionably. We must rise
and march on Biddleburg Castle! All hail the revolution! One for all and all for one! Down
with the usurper! Bainbridge, arise! Fight, Durfalus, fight! And, er ... so forth."
"Hurrah!" shouted Mistress Entright. "Hurrah foor
Beatrice and Sir Bertram!"
Suddenly, there were caps in the air; everyone was leaping about like
mad and shouting and hugging each other. Madam Helsing and a few of the others seemed
unconvinced still, but Master Gorham, at least, was soberly nodding. Though he was not as
exuberant in his support as many others, it was clear that the crowd was on Beatrice's
side. The townsfolk were in and among Beatrice's men, now, slapping them on the back, the
hostility between town and forester forgotten. "Donec ero felix, " someone
shouted, the motto of the House of Biddleburg, and soon the crowd took it up as a chant.
Beatrice was flushed with righteous fire, while Bertram looked surprised and rather
pleased with the dramatic effects of his words. "Donec ero felix, " they
shouted, the words resounding across the valley, echoing from the mountains.
"Yes," said Timaeus to Jasper, "only let us hope we
are."
As dungeons went, reflected Sidney, the one below Biddleburg Castle was
far from the worst. Not that Sidney was a great connoisseur of dungeons; the only one she
had ever visited, before now, was the one in Urf Durfal, where she had briefly been
interred on a petty larceny charge, and while that had been dank and gloomy, it had been
no worse accommodation than the cheaper sort of rented flat in the dingier slums of the
city. Her cellmates had complained of the rats, but the rodents had merely served as
between-meals snacks for Sidneyand not for long, as the bars of the cell had been
wide enough for a cat to squeeze between them. She had left before the charge against her
had been brought before a grand jury; she imagined it was still outstanding.
Still, even if Sidney's personal experience with dungeons was limited,
she had heard the usual tales, of ratinfested filth, dark tortures by the light of fires
in which red-hot irons lay, and so forth. This sort of thing was a staple of popular
fiction, though the role of the dungeon in such works varied, depending on whether the
story was intended to be edifying, entertaining, or prurient. Neither the dungeon of Urf
Durfal nor this one lived up to the standards of fiction: no despairing graffiti, no
distant screams, no aged lunatics capering in nearby cells, no hooded torturers
considering their tools.
The dungeon of Biddleburg Castle, unlike that of Urf Durfal, was not
dank. There were a mere four cellsno doubt crime was not a particular problem in so
small a realmand while they evidently hadn't been dusted in some time, neither could
they quite be described as filthy. Their guard, far from being a sadistic, hunchbacked
maniac, was a fat little man named Lem, who sat in a room down the corridor, playing
endless games of solitaire and munching on apples. The closest Biddleburg Castle came to
torture, apparently, was the impossibility of avoiding the noises Lem made in the course
of these activities: "Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle. Crunch, munch, munch. Flip,
flip, flip, flip, flip. Crunch, munch, munch, munch." Sidney could have done
without it, although, to be sure, it was greatly preferable to a red-hot poker in the eye.
Indeed, not only was the dungeon less than horrific, some attention had
actually been paid to the comfort of its occupants; Sidney's cell held both a chamber pot
and an upholstered, if rather lumpy, sofa, which had served quite well as her bed for the
night. Sidney wondered at the intelligence of whatever servant had placed the sofa here;
it was old and worn, and no doubt the thought had been that use in the dungeon was
preferable to throwing it out, yet ... She could feel springs through the bottom of the
couch. Its presence reassured her that Biddleburg had scant acquaintance with hardened
malefactors.
Well, thought Sidney, if they're so unworldly as to put the thing here,
I'd be remiss if I didn't take advantage of it.
There were two cells across the way, but both were vacant. "My
Lord Barthold," Sidney said. "Can you hear me?"
"Yes, my dear," came a voice from the cell next door. Lem
wandered into the corridor, blinking at its dimness; his candlelit room was rather
brighter. "Sorry, milord," he said apologetically, "but Sir Broderick has
ordered that there be no conversation between you."
"He has, has he, the insolent pup!" shouted Barthold.
"And how d'ye propose to stop us, tell me that, me lad!"
Lem's jaw worked weakly, perhaps on a bit of apple lodged in his teeth.
"UhI don't ... I'll have to"
"Look," said Sidney. "Let's not make trouble. We won't
talk, if that's the rule."
"The devil you say!" said Barthold. "I'm damned if
I"
"My lord," Sidney interrupted. "If you hope to get out
of here, the last thing you want is Broderick to storm down here."
"And why is that?" demanded Barthold.
Because any fool could escape from this setup in six seconds flat,
Sidney thought to herself. "Please take my word for it," said Sidney a little
sharply. "Give me a little credit, please; if it weren't for me, your vocabulary
would still be limited to the letter N."
Barthold muttered something under his breath, and then reluctantly
said, "Very well, I shan't utter a peep. Go back to your damned apples, you
cretin."
"Thank you, miss," said Lem in relief. "If there's
anything I can get to make you more comfortable, you let me know, you hear?"
"The keys to this cell, my sword, and a dozen cubits of rope would
be nice," said Sidney.
Lem chuckled. "Sorry, miss," he said. "But really, you
let me know if you'd like something special from Cook, or a book, or something."
"Thank you, Lem," said Sidney. "But nothing for
now."
Lem touched his brow, and went back to his cards and his apples.
And now, thought Sidney, for the sofa She lay on the floor on her back
and slid under the couch. She ripped open the ancient, fragile cloth at its underside,
pulled away handfuls of cotton ticking, and yanked at a spring. On the third try, it
parted with a sproing, and came out the bottom of the sofa.
She considered it for a moment, then took it over to the wall, where a
single tiny window admitted a little light. The end of the spring was quite dull. The wall
was uneven, chisel-cut rock, but someone had taken the bother to saw-cut the granite slab
that served as the windowsill, meaning it was smooth enough to use as a whetstone. Sidney
began to scrape at it with the spring.
Scritch, scritch, scritch. She worried about the noise, but Lem
apparently heard nothing over the sounds of his own mastications. It took Sidney ten
minutes before she was satisfied with the sharpness of her spring.
She laid it by the door to her cell, took on cat form, and stepped
daintily through the bars. Outside the cell, she transformed again, reached into the cell
for the spring, and considered it for a moment.
There was movement from the cell next to hers; Barthold peered out at
her, with interest. Sidney was, of course, naked; therianthropy was no gentleman's. magic,
designed to include such niceties as the need to clothe one's nakedness, but a disease, a
condition, a curse. Her clothes were back in her cell. She put a finger to her lips to
enjoin the baron to silence, then placed the spring just outside the vacant cell directly
across the hall from her own.
"Oh, Lem," she said. "Could you come here for a moment?
I've thought of something."
Lem's chair scraped in the other room. Sidney became a cat, and went to
sit inside the vacant cell.
Lem came blinking down the corridor and looked into Sidney's
now-unoccupied cell. "Yes, miss?" he said. His eyes had not yet adjusted, and it
took him a moment to realize that no one was there.
By then, the cat had stepped back out of the vacant cell. Sidney
resumed her human form, bent swiftly down for the spring, and leapt for Lem's back,
wrapping her left arm around his waist and holding the sharp end of the spring to his
jugular. "Move or talk, and you're a dead man," she said urgently.
Lem froze. With her left hand, Sidney drew his sword. She stepped back,
tossed the spring into Barthold's cell just in caseand switched the sword to her
right hand.Then she rested the point of the sword against Lem's kidney and took the ring
of keys from his belt.
"Take off your shirt," she said.
"Please, miss," Lem whined. "I got a wife
and"
"I'm not going to kill you," she snapped. "Not if you
keep your voice down, and take off your damned shirt."
"What do I do with this?" Barthold asked with interest,
holding up the spring. Lem began to shuck his shirt.
"I don't care," said Sidney. "Better than no
weapon."
When Lem had his shirt off, she handed the keys around to his front and
said, "Open the baron's door." He swallowed, but did so. Baron Barthold came out
to join her.
"Now unlock mine," Sidney ordered.
"Well done, my dear," said Barthold. "Kill this fellow,
and let's be on, shall we?"
"No no, please, I don't" babbled Lem. He almost turned
around, but the pressure of the sword at his back dissuaded him.
"I promised I wouldn't," said Sidney with irritation.
"Open the door to my cell!" Fearfully, Lem fumbled at the keys. He finally found
the right one, and unlocked Sidney's cell.
"Very noble," said Barthold, "but if we leave him here,
he'll be screaming bloody murder in nothing flat."
"True," said Sidney. "Pick up the shirt."
"What?" said the baron, studying the garment in question, now
lying on the floor, with some distaste.
"Pick it up!" said Sidney. Grimacing, the baron did so.
"Now rip off the sleeves."
The baron gave them an experimental tug. "You know," he said,
"I'm not precisely the fine figure of a man I was in my salad days. And my skills as
a seamstress are noticeably nonexistent. I don't believe I"
"Here, take this," Sidney snarled, giving Barthold the sword.
"Kill him if he so much as peeps."
"Gladly," said Barthold. Sidney reached for the shirt, nipped
at the cloth with her canines, and ripped off the sleeves. Turning about, she noticed that
Barthold was swinging the sword experimentally, clearly contemplating a thrust through
Lem's back.
"Don't do that if you want my help," she said.
"Oh, very well," said Barthold.
Sidney took back the sword and pushed Lem into the cell. "Turn
around," she said. He did. His eyes grew large as he realized her state of
dishabille. "Stand behind the door, and put your arms through the bars," she
said. He did so with alacrity. She tied his wrists securely with one sleeve.
While she had been doing this, Barthold had wandered into the guardroom
and had returned with an apple, which he was about to bite into. "Give me that,"
said Sidney.
"What?" said the baron.
"The apple," said Sidney. Barthold passed it over. She
inserted it into Lem's mouth, pushing it in till his jaws creaked. And then she tied it
into place with the second sleeve, knotting it behind his head.
"Walk forward," she told Lem. He did, until the cell door
clanged shut. She locked him into what had been Barthold's cell.
And then she entered her own cell, and put her clothes back on.
"Very neat," said Barthold, surveying her work. "I
believe I'll get another apple. Would you like one?"
VIII
"When I get my hands on young Bertram's scrawny neck," said
Broderick, "I'll ... Blentz! Wake up, man!"
Captain Blentz awoke with a start and peered, blearyeyed, around at the
study. "Just as you say," he said thickly, having no idea what Broderick had
been yammering about. Why had he ever taken this damnable job? It was full morning now,
sun shining horribly bright through those glassed windows; his eyes ached abominably.
Broderick had kept him awake all night, fulminating and scheming and getting precisely
nowhere. Blentz yearned for a less hyperactive employer.
Marek came running into the study. "My lord," he gasped.
"There's an army coming up the Hamsterburg road!"
"An army?" scoffed Broderick. "Idiot! There's no
armyDuke Schofeld is a dotard, he's not going to invade, and the orcs have got to
get through Hamsterburg before they get anywhere near these mountains. There can't
possibly be an army out there."
"B-b-but my lord," sputtered Marek. "I've seen it with
my own eyes. Hordes of them! Thousands! Serried ranks of soldiery, great siege machines,
magical wards and flying demons"
"We must flee!" gasped Blentz.
"Oh, do calm down, you two," said Broderick. "Let's go
have a look."
So they climbed up to the watchtower. Broderick leaned out a window and
peered down the road, shading his eyes. He pulled back in and studied an inscription on
the wall. Broderick was no great collegiate mage, but he was not wholly unacquainted with
the practice of magic. This castle had been built with a number of useful enchantments,
not least of which was the scrying magic of the watchtower. The runes, carved into the
stone walls, declared the necessary spell for those who had forgotten it; " 'Epekt
glamor tsuganish, ' " read Broderick slowly.
The view out the window changed; suddenly, from Broderick's standpoint,
it displayed a cardinal, sitting on the branch of a chestnut, at remarkably close
quarters. Broderick cursed and moved his head; the view swept across space at amazing
speed, small changes in viewing angle and distance causing different portions of the world
outside the tower to come into focus. It was several moments before Broderick was able to
find precisely the right spot from which to see the approaching "army."
"Serried ranks of soldiery," he said. "Great siege
machines. You imbecile! It's a rabble, is what it is. The townsfolk of Bainbridge, waving
pitchforks and kitchen knives. Come to complain about the taxes again, I imagine. I wonder
at their temerity; a quick cavalry charge should scatter ... Good heavens."
"What is it?" asked Blentz.
"Timaeus is with them," said Broderick. "And-yes,
there's the barbarian."
"I don't fancy a cavalry charge against fireballs," said
Blentz worriedly.
Suddenly, Broderick started. "And that bitch Beatrice too!"
he said, turning wide-eyed to Blentz. "By all the gods, they're conspiring against
me! The townsfolk, the rebels, Timaeus and that lot-Oh, gods; Miss Stollitt is one of
them; they must know we've got Barthold in the dungeon."
Blentz was looking more and more alarmed. "We must flee!" he
said.
Broderick turned red. "Is that your invariable response, Blentz?
Flight? Turn tail at the slightest opposition? No wonder you're a blithering blunderer as
a soldier, you flibbertigibbet. Here we sit in the finest natural fortress this side of
Miller's Seat, and you want to flee at the approach of a batch of housewives and
lumberjacks? Raise the drawbridge, lower the portcullis, man the damned ramparts, and heat
up the boiling oil. We'll teach the fools what it is to tangle with Broderick de
Biddleburg!"
"Whatwhat about Bertram?" said Blentz worriedly.
"If he's with them, the town below will rise, and"
Broderick checked, the idea occurring to him only now. Could the young
idiot be quite such a fool? Well, yes, as it happened, he could.
"Go prepare the men, Blentz," said Broderick. "I must
think."
Damnation, but it was all falling apart. Barthold compos mentis, Beatrice
in league with d'Asperge and the Bainbridgers, Bertram gods knew where ... Biddleburg
Castle could withstand a siege from that ill-armed rabble for an eternity, if need be, but
spending the next seven years holed up in this damned drafty pile of stones was not what
he'd had in mind when he'd launched this fool scheme.
"Screw your courage to the sticking place," he told himself.
He would do the necessary, whatever it might be.
Now, thought Broderick, suppose Baron Barthold were to appear on the
ramparts of Biddleburg Castle, in full control of his faculties, and tell the crowd to
disperse, that his brother Broderick had his every confidence .. . That would do the
trick, wouldn't it?
Barthold would never do it, of course. He'd spit defiance even with a
blade at his back. Torture wouldn't sway him, nor threat of death
Wait a minute. Threat of death might very well do it. Not Barthold's,
of course, but suppose Broderick made clear his intention of slaughtering as many of the
townsfolk as possible. Boiling oil had its uses, of course.
It wouldn't play for long, would it? But it should be sufficient to
disperse the crowd; and something might always turn up.
If he could sell the statue, he'd have enough money to raise an army.
And through the crystal, he could contact mercenary captains. A sufficiently large force
could crush all opposition; after enough folk decorated gibbets, resistance should cease.
Barthold and Bertram could disappear in all the uproar, leaving him legitimate heir. All
it took, Broderick thought, was fortitude and sufficient ruthlessness.
He'd win this one still, he decided. After all, he'd never lost yet.
He hurtled, two at a time, down the tower's circular stairs, yanking himself around the
curve by the railing.
The army, if it may be dignified by such a term, of Sir Bertram and
Lady Beatrice encountered no opposition as it approached the walls of Biddleburg town.
Broderick had recalled the guard from the town wall, concentrating on the defense of the
castle itself. They made their way to the central square, makeshift banners flying, people
singingsongs and shouting "Donec ero felix. " There two sturdy foresters
hoisted Bertram to the wooden platform, erected for the Feast of Grimaeus and not yet
disassembled. He was flushed with exhilaration, his previous self-doubts erased by the
evident enthusiasm of the crowd. As curious townsfolk began to stream into the square, he
confidently addressed them.
"Biddlebourgeois!" shouted Bertram. "How d'ye do?
Umyou all know me, I suppose. Ahup there, in the castle, lies Uncle Broderick,
the, er, usurper, I suppose you might say. Since he showed up hereabouts, we've had all
sorts of unpleasantness. Bloodshed and, um, bloodshed." Someone in the crowd shouted
something. "Oh?" said Bertram. "And taxes of course. Beastly things, taxes.
I say, it's about time to take a firm line with the old relative. What? I mean, enough is
quite enough; there is a limit to hospitality, and Uncle Brod does seem rather to have
trod over the edge. So, um, as the heir to the throne, I call upon all good folk to join
me in rising against Uncle's tyranny. What ho?"
"See here, yoong Bertram," said a skeptical graybeard,
"it's arr very werr tee talk aboot turfing oot Sor Brodick; boot he hath the castle
and a hoondred men. How can ye hoope to o'erthrow him?" All eyes went to
Bertram as the folk took the oldster's question to heart.
"Well," said Bertram, "I mean, here we've got the people
of Bainbridge, the Band of Beatrice, an old school chum with fantastic magical powers,
and, er, so forth. And our cause is just, ourhow does it go?-our strength is as the
strength of ten because our cause is pure, and all that rot; I mean, we can hardly fail,
what? Screw your courage to the sticking plaster, as Pater used to say. No, that doesn't
sound quite right. Nail your courage to the sticking plaster? Something like that."
"Och, werr, that's as may be," said the graybeard. "However, I dinna
care tee risk me life foor tha." There were murmurs of agreement from the crowd.
"What?" said Bertram, sounding shocked. "After the
murders, the taxes, all that sort of thing, you're willing just to let things go on? What
about freedom?"
"I canna eat freedom," said the old man. "How wirr
things be different when ye rule?"
"What? Why, um, the Band will return to peaceful pursuits, Lady
Beatrice will be restored her lands, brothers will be reconciled, the huntsman will return
to his courses and the farmer to his lands, charity and goodwill will rule among men, and
the heavens will reflect the harmony of the temporal realm. Yes?"
The graybeard rolled his eyes. "And what's tha' tee me?" In
the crowd, people were shaking their heads and beginning to drift away.
Beatrice leaned over and whispered in Bertram's ear. "Oh!"
said Bertram. "Yes, of course. We'll have to do something about all those nasty tax
increases. Yes, very good; we'll cut two pee off the sales tax, and abolish the
inheritance levy." The crowd looked slightly more interested, but still undecided.
"No? How about three pee off the sales tax, eliminating the capitation and the
gabelle, and halving the ad valorem duty on spirituous liquors?" There were
smiles and murmurs from the crowd, but still no obvious enthusiasm. "Oh, bugger
all," said Bertram. "Let's just go whole hog and eliminate the lot. A tax
holiday, that's the ticket! No taxes for a full year, forgiveness of all debts
outstanding, and a free pint of bitter for every man!"
"Hurrah!" shouted the crowd. "Hurrah for Sir
Bertram!" Hats flew into the air, folk gamboled about like madmen, and many went to
get ancient, rusting swords, or billhooks or axes, so they might say they had joined in
the final assault on the Tyrant Broderick.
"Tough crowd," muttered Bertram to Beatrice, as she helped
him descend the platform.
"You spoke well," she said, smiling.
Only the most prestigious of servants ate in the Steward's Room: Bates,
of course; the groom of the chambers; the lady's maids; and the personal gentlemen of the
castle's guests. There was silence, save for the sounds of ingestion, as the assembled set
to their breakfasts. The eggs were almost cold, alas, for Bates had been late in arriving;
something had detained him in the Great Hall, where he served breakfast to the lords and
ladies and their guests before the servants ate their own repast.
There came a knocking at the main door to the Steward's Room; an
unusual occurrence. Few of the lesser servants would dare to intrude without strong
reason. Still, it was always possible that Sir Broderick had called specifically for Bates
or one of the others.
Bates wiped his jowls and said, "Coom in." The door opened a
few inches, displaying the face of one of the scullery maids, looking rather intimidated.
"I'm sorry tee interrupt, Mr. Bates," she said. "Boot Sir Brodick's spats
ha' gone missing in the wash."
Lambston, Broderick's valet, looked up from his hash.
"Damnation," he said. "I shall have to go."
"Of coorse, Mr. Lambston," said Bates, nodding sagely. Seeing
to Broderick's equipage was Lambston's personal responsibility, and it would go hard with
him if Broderick's clothing was not prepared and properly laid out when the man was ready
to dress.
Lambston pushed back and bustled out the door, closing it behind him.
"What the devil do you mean they've gone missing?" he demanded, voice fading as
he and the scullery maid made their way down the corridor.
Bates cocked his head to one side; when he judged Lambston was
sufficiently distant, he called, "Ye may enter now, Susan."
The rear door opened, and one of the upstairs maids entered. She peered
about the Steward's Room with interest, for she had never seen it before; the lesser
servants snatched their meals when they could, in the kitchen. "Och, Mr. Bates,"
she said, impressed by the table's bounty, "ye do serve quite a spread." In
truth, the food was quite the equal of that served in the Great Hall; the chef de
cuisine ate in the Steward's Room too, and made sure that his companions dined well.
Saucily, she snagged a muffin.
The other servants regarded her askance; for a lowly maid to dine in
the Steward's Room was unheard of. Indeed, if it had not been clear that she was here at
Bates's behest, they would have set at her in the manner of the wolfpack dealing with a
rogue that had forgotten its place in the pecking order. "Susan," said Bates
soberly, "have ye seen the baron?" Among Susan's responsibilities was making
Barthold's bed.
"It's terriber odd," she said through a mouthful of muffin.
"His bed hasn't been slept in, nar the sheets turned doon."
"Nar did he break his fast," said Mr. Bates, lips pursed over
ruddy countenance. "I canna think where he may be." "Is that what this is
about?" asked the groom of the chambers.
"Yes," said Bates. "The missing spats are a mere red
herring; I had Lambston sent off on a wird goose chase, so that we might speak
freely." Lambston, being Broderick's man, could be expected to report to his master.
"Sir Bertram and his friends have disappeared as well,"
pointed out the groom of the chambers.
"Aye," said Bates, "but they can take care of
themserves; the baron, however . . ." He sighed. "Moreover, Sir Brodick
maintains the baron is aboot the castle, though I ha' seen neither hide nar hair of
him." He toldthem how Broderick had insisted on carrying up the baron's tray the
previous night. "And it was returned untooched to the kitchen," he said
gloomily.
"Do you fear foul play?" asked the groom of the chambers.
"I dee not know what I fear," said Bates, "but we must
search foor him."
"If he is dead," said Sir Bertram's valet, "what sharr
we do?"
"Then, we sharr ask the young master," said Bates with
finality. The others groaned, misdoubting Bertram's judgment, but Bates only looked the
sterner. There came a knocking at the main chamber door.
"Lambston," whispered the groom of the chambers; it was a
logical surmise, as Lambston had been gone long enough to locate the "missing"
spats.
"Joost a second, Mr. Lambston," said Bates loudly. More
quietly, he said, "Can soomeone scout oot the dungeon? If he's"
"I say," said the door. "Open up in there, Bates."
Surprise was not an expression that came easily to Bate's face. Indeed,
expression was not something that came easily to Bates; under normal circumstances,
his face was frozen in a sort of supercilious obsequence, a dignified mien that altered
not a jot no matter how it might be tested. But at this instant, an observer might have
noted that Bates gave a definite start, that his eyes revealed an instant of surprise,
perhaps even a moment of fondness. "Open the door, Susan, if you will," he said
calmly, gravitas already restored.
Susan, wide-eyed, did so, for she too had identified the voice. There
in the hall stood Barthold, half supported by Sidney; behind him was Mabel, leaning on her
cane. "Coome in, my lord," said Bates. They did; one of the lady's maids hastily
evacuated her chair so that Barthold might sit.
"You must hide us, Bates," said Barthold.
Bates drew himself up indignantly. "My lord!" he protested.
"This be yer seat. Ye moost not skurk aboot like a dormouse"
"Have you seen Timaeus?" asked Sidney. "And the others
of my party?"
"Nar, marss," said Bates. "They've been oot since
yesterday."
"Damn," she said.
"Better free than captive," Barthold told her. "Bates, I
fear my brother will try to kill me if he finds me; and he has the allegiance of the
guard. I am putting you all in great jeopardy by asking this, I know, but I have nowhere
else to tum."
Bates practically quivered with pride and indignation. " 'Tis a
sorry pass, my lord," he said. "A sorry pass. We sharr hide ye, of course; we
sharr not fail ye now."
"Ye can coont on us, me lord," said the groom of the
chambers. There were "ayes" and murmurs of agreement from the others.
A sharp knock came from the door. "There must be some mistake
about these spats," said a voice. "Open up, Mr. Bates."
"Take them oot the back passage, Susan," whispered Bates to
the upstairs maid. Wide-eyed, she nodded and, cramming the greater part of a muffin into
her mouth, led them down a narrow hall.
Bertram, Beatrice, and the others retired to the White Crag,
Biddleburg's tavern, to hold a council of war. "Well, I mean, frontal assault,
what?" said Bertram. "The right will triumph, eh?"
"Yes," said Kraki. "Ve vill dye the ramparts red vith
our blood."
"No, thou silly boy," said Beatrice to Bertram. "That
were an approach of desperation, to assault a fortified position with a force of militia
and foresters."
"Is that right?" said Bertram doubtfully. "I'm afraid
Iavoided military science like the plague at university. What else is there to do? I mean,
there's the castleI imagine Uncle Brod has it sewn up tight by now."
"Now," said Beatrice meaningfully, "is when our
magicians must do their all."
"What?" said Timaeus, a little startled.
"Quite right," said Jasper. "We'll have to take a-
section of the wall. I fly, you teleport; between fireballs and a mind control or two, we
ought to be able to neutralize the immediate defenders. We can find some ladders, I
suppose? The Band can scale the walls behind us, then"
"Not all of us are invisible," complained Timaeus. "You
don't run any great risk, but all it takes is one spear in my gut-'t
"There, there, old man," said Bertram, "screw your
courage to the-is it `spirit gum' I'm looking for?"
"Oh, shut up," said Timaeus testily. "How I ever got
involved in this"
"Look," said Nick. "Why don't we try a parley first? If
I were Broderick, I'd be tempted to cut and run."
"You speak wisely," said Beatrice.
A brisk spring breeze blew across the ramparts of Biddleburg Castle,
fleecy clouds scudding across the sky. The air was warm and redolent with the smell of
growing things. Down below, the town was a scene of feverish activity, hammers banging,
saws sawing away, the townsfolk preparing ladders and siege machines. Every once in a
while, members of the Band would loft an arrow toward the castle walls; their aim was
poor, at this distance, in this wind, but the defenders stood nervously behind
crenellations, exposing themselves as little as possible.
"What do you mean they've escaped?" shouted Broderick.
"I'm sorry, my lord," said Marek, "but I found the cells
empty, save for Lem here"
"You pathetic pismire," said Broderick, turning on Lem and
almost screaming.
"I'm s-s-sorry, my lord," said Lem, shaking in the face of
such wrath. "They overpowered me, and" "Overpowered you?
"Overpowered you? A woman in a party dress and a man old enough to
be your greatgrandfather? Gods, we can't spare the men to comb the castle now."
"My lord," said Captain Blentz soothingly. "If we loot
the treasury, take the wagona cavalry charge can clear the road-we can be in
Hamsterburg, rich men, in days. There comes a time when discretion"
"You puling wretch," said Broderick, striking Blentz in the
face hard enough to leave a crimson mark beneath the captain's stubble. "The next man
that talks of flight shall hang. We shall slaughter them, slaughter them all if need be;
there is no going back now, no course for us but bloodshed and victory. Rivers of blood
may yet flow, and years of desolation pass over"
"Yes, my lord," said Blentz, backing away. "As you say,
my lord."
"A party approaches, sir," said Marek.
And it was true. Coming up toward the castle gate was a group of seven,
under flag of truce. Broderick strode along the wall, down toward the gate tower, Blentz
scurrying after.
A pot of oil was bubbling there, its fire tended by Gaston. Broderick
stood, leaning out from the wall, the tower stair behind him, fearlessly exposing himself
to the fire of the archers below-but no arrows came, for the Band was under strict orders
to avoid combat till the parley had reached its conclusion.
Bertram was there, in a stretcher born by two foresters. With him were
Beatrice and Timaeus; also Master Gorham, of Bainbridge, and Banker Billings, of
Biddleburg town.
"Hallo, Uncle," said Bertram.
"Hallo, there, Bertie," said Broderick. "You have made
rather a hash of things, you know."
"Well, um, here we are," said Bertram awkwardly. "I say,
old man; why don't you open the gate, what? Clemency all round, gaiety and celebration,
you can go home to the Lesser Dzorzia no worse for the wear."
"Idiot!" said Broderick. "You and I could have squeezed
this barony till the pips squeaked, sucked it dry, lived like kings. You could have gone
back to live the high life in Urf Durfal; now, there is nothing but the grave before you.
Shall I surrender this fortress to a rabble? Shall I surrender a fortune to my
feebleminded nephew? Am I a fool? Begone."
There was a clatter on the tower stairs; Broderick did not look about,
perhaps taking the noise for reinforcements. Cannily, he eyed the distance between
Bertram's party and the gate, their position relative to the pot of boiling oil; and he
reached out one hand to grab the handle of the pot, preparing to tip it over and
french-fry his foes
Suddenly, a cane whacked Broderick in the temple, sending him sprawling
against a merlon.
"That'rr be enow o' that, ye caitiff!" said a quavering,
elderly voice. Agape, Broderick looked up to see Mistress Mabel, her wispy beard quivering
with righteous rage, atop her broom, one hand waving her snake-knobbed cane, circling back
through the air for another whack.
From the tower stair burst the servants, Mr. Bates in the lead with an
enormous carving knife. Behind him, a footman carried Baron Barthold, the elderly nobleman
still too weak to manage the stairs himself. And behind him came Sidney, with her own
sword and mail. The other servants, armed with an assortment of cutlery and decorative
weapons, pried from their places on the walls of the Great Hall, fanned out across the
ramparts.
"Marek!" bellowed Broderick, drawing his own sword.
"Gaston! To me! Treachery!"
Soldiers backed uncertainly toward Broderick, weapons out.
"Shall a valet or a scullery maid master you?" shouted
Broderick to his men. "Screw your courage to the sticking place!"
"Sticking place! That's it, by Fithold," came Bertram's voice
faintly from below.
"Look here, Blentz," Barthold said. "How d'you think the
townsfolk will react when you slaughter their baron atop the castle wall, before their
very eyes?"
Blentz was ashen, eyes casting about desperately for some means of
escape.
By now some score of men had come up to surround Barthold.
"Overlapping shields," he ordered. "Slow advance; we'll cut them to
ribbons."
"And then what?" demanded Blentz. "We'll be stuck here
for"
"Shut up, you puling wretch!" shouted Barthold. "One
more whine from you and"
"And what?" shouted Blentz back. "Who commands
these"
"Captain Blentz," said Baron Barthold, "surrender, and I
give you my. word that you and your men may depart this place, unharmed and
unhindered."
Blentz looked to Barthold, face a blotchy red, mouth in an angry line.
The color of Blentz's face heightened until he looked as if he were about to burst, like a
kettle under pressure. "Done," he said at last, practically spitting the word.
Broderick turned on Blentz, thunderstruck. The guardsman looked
hesitantly first toward the nobleman, then to their own captain, who sheathed his blade
with finality and nodded toward them to do likewise. Gradually, they stepped away from
Broderick, lowering their shields and putting their weapons away.
The tableau hung for a long moment, Broderick staringin shock at
Blentz, holding a fighting stance still, his sword wavering in the air.
"Put that silly pig-sticker down, Broderick," said Baron
Barthold at last. "It's over."
Broderick pivoted toward his brother, his sword still aloft. His
expression turned from shock to grim decision. He tossed his weapon into the air, tumbling
it end over end, grabbed it by the bladecutting a gash in his handand rested
the pommel on the stone flags of the wall. He held the point to his stomach, and made to
throw himself onto his own sword
Sidney darted forward and tumbled into Broderick shoulder first,
knocking him away. Two beefy footmen dived for the man, holding him down and binding his
hands.
"What'd you do that for?" demanded Barthold querulously.
"What?" said Sidney, a little surprised. "He was going
to kill himself"
"Yes, yes," said Barthold testily. "Would have been the
neatest thing. I shan't slay him, of course; he's family, after all. Have to keep him in a
cell for the rest of his life, beastly nuisance. Take him down to the dungeon, thank you,
lads."
"I say," said a confused voice from below. "Is that you,
Pater? What's going on up there?"
Barthold peered over the wall. "There you are, you miserable
sod," he said severely. "How these loins ever produced such a sorry skink as you
is beyond my powers of comprehension. I can't imagine"
"Hold thy tongue," said Beatrice, looking up severely at her
lord. "Your son has been the very font of courage and ambition; when at last he
realized his duty, he did it with all his main."
"I did?" said Bertram wonderingly.
"You did," said Beatrice, taking his hand.
"Well, well," said Barthold, sounding rather pleased.
"Open the gate, someone, won't you?"
IX.
The hall boy cranked away, raising the portcullis. Bates spoke to
the master of the hounds, who turned to fly down the tower stair to unbar the gate. As the
castle's massive door creaked open, a cheer resounded from the town, echoing from the very
battlements; virtually as one, the populace of the barony-Biddlebourgeois, Bainbridger,
and forester alike-shouted triumph. Beatrice turned and gaily waved them forward; soon
folk poured into the castle courtyard. Barthold stood bemusedly in the window of the
tower, staring down at the tumult and waving to acknowledge the cheers. He turned to Bates
and said, "Ale all around, Mr. Bates; I trust we have casks enough in the
cellar?"
"I sharr attend tee it, my lord," said Bates with
satisfaction, and made his way sedately down the stairs.
When the ale arrived, the assemblage quickly turned into an impromptu
celebration; the folk raised stoups of ale, and steins, and mugs. Bates was hard-pressed
to findcontainers enough, for soon a fair portion of the barony's population stood in the
courtyard, the crowd overflowing through the gates to the field before the walls.
Barthold gave a short speech, thanking everyone for their loyalty, and
telling them of his poisoning; there were hisses, and the folk called out for Broderick's
death, but Barthold did not acknowledge the cry. Beatrice, too, spoke, announcing that
this was a time for reconciliation and asking that her men forget and forgive whatever
offense others of the barony might have given them in the course of the struggle. And
lastly, Bertram spoke. His speech was short and rather lackadaisical, but it was cheered
to the echo. "Hurrah for Sir Bertram!" the folk cheered. "Hurrah for the
tax holiday."
"The what?" asked Baron Barthold sharply.
"Tax holiday," said Timaeus, nose in a stein of ale.
"Tax what?" said Barthold.
"Better ask Bertram," said Timaeus, slightly amused. Barthold
cast about for his son, but caught no glimpse of him. Bertram was off at one side of the
courtyard, back against the wall, staring yearningly at Beatrice, who stood amid a knot of
Bandsmen, laughing and talking gaily.
Jasper had laid out the scenario so neatly; what was it he'd said?
"Having gained the ramparts, you will free your father from durance vile, wed the
noble Beatrice, and unite the people of your realm in glorious harmony." Wasn't quite
how it had worked out, was it? He hadn't won the castle in heroic battle; the castle had
more or less liberated itself, albeit Blentz probably wouldn't have surrendered if there
hadn't been an army outside the walls. True, Beatrice was being slightly kinder to him
than before, but only slightly; if Jasper had counted on Bertram's heroism and selfless
devotion to win her over, he'd had scant opportunity to display those qualities.
It had been a pipe dream from the start, he realized miserably. He had
always known he was not among the brightest men; his ambitions had been limited to
membership in a decent club, a good box at the races, an adequate cellar, and an income
large enough to live in reasonable comfort. He had not asked to be made heir to this
backwoods demesne, nor to lead men in battle, nor to act the hero.
He considered searching out Jasper and asking the wizard's advice, but
decided against it. He had a fair idea what that advice would be; something along the
lines of taking her in his strong arms and passionately declaring his love. Jasper was an
incurable romantic, and Bertram had no desire to expose himself to inevitable rejection.
Especially not in public. And besides which, thought Bertram, pinching his biceps, he had
the arms of an upper-class wastrel, not a hero of yore.
About him, folk laughed and sang and drank themselves insensible; it
had the feeling of a day that would live in their memory always, the day the barony was
liberated from the Tyrant Broderick. Their joy only increased his misery. The whole
barony, it seemed, was happy this day, every man and woman, save only he.
Well, maybe not the whole barony, Bertram thought. I imagine Broderick
isn't too chuffed right about now, either.
"Good morning, Sir Bertram," said Bertram's valet, yanking
the draperies firmly back.
Bertram groaned, shading his eyes against the bright sunlight.
"You are a tyrant, Smythe; you know that, don't you?" he moaned.
"Terribly sorry, sir," said Smythe, lifting the teapot from
the tray he had placed by Bertram's bedside table and pouring a cup for his master.
"It is nine of the clock, and the household has already assembled in the Great Hall;
your father was asking for you particularly."
"Ye gods," complained Bertram, "after carousing
allnight, they're up at this hour? My head feels as if a dozen blacksmiths have been using
it as an anvil all night long."
"I had anticipated this, sir," said Smythe, proffering a mug
containing a viscous yellow liquid. "Your usual pickme-up."
Bertram shuddered, but accepted it. "Ah," he said, "the
first terror of the day." He quaffed it in a single gulp, lunging for his teacup to
wash it down. He gasped, gave a single hoarse cough, and said, "Effective, if
brutal."
"I've laid out a set of clothes for you, if you don't mind,
sir"
"Yes, all right, Smythe," said Bertram, maneuvering his limbs
over the side of the bed, "but I shall need some assistance with this leg of
mine."
"I had anticipated as much," said the valet.
Bertram was dressed in surprisingly short order; almost as soon as he
was, someone tapped at the door. While Bertram leaned on his crutch and fiddled with his
cravat, Smythe opened the door.
It was Beatrice. Bertram's heart took a leap to see her; she wore a
black velvet dress, flounced fashionably below the waist but tight above it, a dress Epee
belted at her middle. Freckles were dusted across her face, her arms, her upper torso;
with difficulty, Bertram stopped himself from imagining where else they ran. "Good
morning, Bertie," she said cheerily. "Coming down?"
"I suppose," said Bertram, levering himself toward the door.
"Here, let me," said Beatrice, and took his free arm in her
own, providing some support. Bertram's mouth went dry at the touch; he wasn't quite
certain whether he was in misery or ecstasy. They made their way out the door and down the
hall.
"The baron's mood is sunny," Beatrice said. "He rose at
six, and has been cheery since. He was perturbed by your promise of a tax holiday, I
fear."
Bertram groaned. "I'd forgotten about that," he said.
"Oh gods, he'll kill me."
She patted his arm. "I spoke with him about it," she said.
"And?" said Bertram as they neared the grand stairs.
"He accepts that it was a necessary gesture. At any pass, there's
always the revenues of the toll road."
"I suppose," said Bertram gloomily, nonetheless dreading his
arrival in the Great Hall. He swung his crutch out and placed it on the first stair below,
stepping down with part of his weight on Beatrice's shoulder. They stopped talking for a
moment, progress down the stairs requiring a degree of concentration. It was difficult
work for Bertram, made the more difficult because his heart beat like a rabbit's at
Beatrice's touch. He was in agony, for he knew that whatever there had once been between
them was lost; he had been inconstant, had failed to correspond while at school, had
foolishly believed the lies of his uncle. Had she not made clear how she felt? True, she
had mellowed toward him since that disastrous conversation in the woods, but love, once
lost, cannot be renewed. He longed for the hour she would leave to return to Bainbridge,
for her presence was painful; simultaneously, he dreaded that moment, for the parting
would no doubt be a final one.
He would join the fight against the orcs, that's what he would do;
perhaps he could get himself killed in some futile, bloody charge. Yes, that was the
ticket; a meaningless, anonymous death in the meat-grinder that was war, the perfect
anodyne for spurned love
"So," said Beatrice softly, "when shall we wed, my
love?"
Bertram was in the process of levering his crutch down the next slick
marble step. He gave a sudden lurch. The crutch went flying. Beatrice made a grab for him,
but too late; his legs crumpled, he fell down the stairs head first, pulling his limbs
into a fetal position, cartwheeling downthe high marble steps. At last, he thumped into
the carpet at the bottom of the stairs, rolled across the floor, and hurtled into a
priceless Dzorzique tabouret, smashing it, the smoked-glass lamp atop it, and several
guineas worth of bric-a-brac to Hinders.
Hands at her mouth, Beatrice peered down the stairs.
"Bertram?" she said. "Are you all right?"
"What, me?" said a happy voice from a pile of rubble.
"Never better, my love. Absolutely peachy. Blissful, in fact. Do summon a cleric,
though, if you will; I fear I've broken the other leg."
Beaming for all he was worth, Baron Barthold held high his fluted glass
of vin chartreuse. "To the girl next door," he said. "To hearts
entwined. I want you to know, my dear, you've made more than one man very happy today; I
only hope you can make something of this sorry excuse of a son."
"Hear, hear," said the assembled, sipping wine. They all sat
down at table, while servants circulated with an enormous platter holding hotcakes and
pastries. It was unusual to quaff wine at breakfast, but the baron was in a celebratory
mood.
A footman entered and marched smartly up toward Barthold, leaning down
to whisper in the baron's ear.
"All's well that ends well, what?" said Jasper with
satisfaction, green wine disappearing into a spot of green.
"Bosh, Jasper," said Timaeus, "you do have a gift for
clichй"
"Have either of you seen Vic?" interrupted Sidney. "I
haven't seen him since he teleported away after the archery competition."
"No," said Timaeus, turning toward her in concern. "I
truly haven't"
"I'm sorry," said Barthold, rising somberly. "I'm afraid
I have bad news." All eyes were on him at once.
"What now?" said Timaeus..
"It appears that my brother has escaped. Apparently, he picked the
lock with a length of spring metal"
Sidney smacked her forehead. "Damn!" she said. "I should
have told the servants to get rid of that couch."
"That's not all, I'm afraid," said Barthold. "Messieurs,
mademoiselle; it appears that your wagon and its cargo are gone."
Nick shot to his feet. "What?"
Barthold looked quite apologetic. "Our best horses, and your
wagon, are missing from the stable."
"Out of the frying pan into the fire," said Jasper.
"You are really becoming quite tiresome, do you know that?"
said Timaeus.
"Ve vill track him down and kill him," said Kraki
Sidney pushed back her chair with a sigh. "Well," she said,
"no rest for the weary."
"Not you too," complained Timaeus.
Part II
Another Week, Another Wilderness
I.
Black and silver was the night, the black velvet of the sky, the silver
of stars and moon; black conifers looming upward, the stones of the road silver in
reflected starlight. In the stillness of the night came black fury; the beat of hooves on
stone, the rumble of wheels, the crack of a whip. Broderick half-stood atop the cart,
knees absorbing jolts, lashing the horses onward.
He spared no thought for mishap; despite what he had claimed, the road
was in excellent repair, the curves gentle and the grade slight between Biddleburg and
Bainbridge. He thought rather of pursuit: He had hours at most before his absence was
discovered. And when it was, there would be pursuit, no doubt of that; perhaps his kin
would be content to see him gone, but Bertram's friends would surely pursue their
property.
In the cart was Stantius, ensconced below the floorboards. The cart had
no other load; Broderick had tossed the rugs to lighten it, had not cared to risk
discovery by spending time to locate and load supplies. He'd get hungry, he knew, but
speed was of the essence. That statue alone was his fortune, wealth enough to buy an army,
a kingdom. Pah, let his brother have this petty little land in these impoverished
mountains, surviving off its meager tolls; if he could make good his escape, untold riches
awaited him. And riches were power.
The cart had no load save for Stantius-and an old man, wrapped in a
blanket, toothlessly cursing Broderick's unrelenting and uncomfortable haste. Somehow,
Broderick had failed to see the old man; perhaps some slight glamor of magic was to blame.
Hooves beat on stone, wheels rumbled. The wagon creaked as they tore
around a curve.
Ahead on the road were dim shapes, silver moonlight glinting off silver
mail. A chill ran down Broderick's spine; should he charge on regardless, hoping they
would go down under the horses' hooves? But no, he saw pikes, spearheads glowing with
magic in the darkness: enchanted weapons. The horses would simply run themselves onto the
pikes, and that would be that. "Hyaw!" he shouted, hauling back on the reins.
The horses slowed, slowed, came to a halt bare cubits from the waiting-children?
No, not children, Broderick saw; their stature was slight, but they
were not humans of any age. Large black eyes stared out from beneath silver helms, ears
pointing upward: elves.
Half a dozen blocked the road, kneeling, pikes set to intercept his
horses had he charged on; another half dozen stood in the trees, holding elven longbows
with arrows nocked.
From the woods stepped another elf, hands empty, sword at belt,
tasseled cap above merry expression. "Hiya," he said cheerily.
Bright morning sun poured in through watchtower windows. Jasper flitted
impatiently about. "Speed is of the essence, my lord," he told Barthold.
"My companions ready their horses even now. We must"
"Hold on, hold on," said the baron irritably, still out of
breath from the climb. "He's only had a few hours, we may still be able to see
something"
"Yes, yes, but do get on with it," said Jasper.
The baron read the runes incised in the wall about the window,
refreshing his memory of the scrying spell. Like his brother, he was no collegiate adept,
but any nobleman was expected to have a certain capacity for magic. He had always keenly
felt the lack of deeper knowledge, in fact, which was why he had insisted that his son
attend university. Panting between syllables, Barthold read the spell.
He walked carefully about until the road toward Urf Durfal came into
view. Then he slowly moved his head to bring sections of it into focus, mile by mile, down
the mountain and toward the barony's border.
"Well?" said Jasper, the point of green light hanging
expectantly above Barthold's shoulder.
"Settle down, damn it," said the baron. There was nothing
down the Durfalian way. He moved to the opposite window and began to survey the eastern
road, down toward Hamsterburg. Several moments passed.
"Hold on," he said.
"What is it?" demanded Jasper.
"How very odd," said the baron.
Jasper made a noise indicative of exasperated inquiry.
Barthold said, "Come here." The light flew directly toward
him. "Take careful note of where I stand," said the baron. "I shall move
aside; take up my position, and read the spell you see on the window above you."
The baron moved; Jasper read the spell. After a moment, he said,
"Well?"
"Don't you see it?"
"I have an excellent view of a small pond and a beaver. I hadn't
known they had orange teeth; why is that, do you think?"
The baron studied Jasper's position. "Move about a bit, until the
road comes into focus."
Experimentally, Jasper flew in slight circles, until he said, "Oh.
I see what you mean."
Down there on the road, perhaps a half dozen miles from the castle, was
the wagon, apparently abandoned. The horses that had drawn it were out of the traces, tied
to nearby trees, cropping quietly at the brush on the roadside verge.
"Where could he have gone?" wondered Jasper.
"An excellent question," said Barthold.
"I don't suppose the statue is still there," said Jasper.
"You'd better go have a look," said Barthold.
Jasper flew out the window toward his companions, who waited
expectantly in the courtyard below, already mounted.
Nick poked his head out of the wagon. "It's gone," he
reported.
Sidney sighed; she had expected as much. Jasper flitted about,
apparently mumbling some kind of spell, perhaps hoping to pick up the traces of
Broderick's presence. Baron Barthold sat his horse patiently, looking rather tired.
Timaeus disconsolately thumbed weed into his pipe, while Kraki merely looked bored.
Beatrice, who had been kneeling in the vegetation along the verge, rose
to her feet. "Look here," she said, sweeping a hand to indicate the brush around
her.
"Ah, yes," said Timaeus. "Weeds. Goldenrod, isn't it?
And are those lupines? Is there anything in particular we're supposed to be seeing?"
"Look at the color," said Beatrice.
They were silent for a moment. "It's a lighter green,"said
Nick. It was true; a swath of the vegetation was lighter in color than the weeds around
it.
"Quite so," said Beatrice, nodding. "It is the light
green of early spring, of new shoots putting forth. Why this should be, I cannot
say."
"Hmm," said Timaeus thoughtfully, tamping his pipe.
"Suppose one were to haul a heavy object through the wood"
"How?" demanded Jasper.
"How should I know? Suppose they had some great draft
horse"
"A damned great draft horse," said Jasper. "Stantius
must weigh a ton."
"Do shut up until I'm finished, there's a good man," said
Timaeus irritably. "Suppose they were to drag it through the woods; it would leave an
unmistakable trail, would it not?"
"Assuredly," said Beatrice.
"Suppose then that a nature mage was among them, who might order
the vegetation to grow behind, to cover the evidence of their passage. Would not such
vegetation be lighter in color, as are new-grown plants in the early spring?"
"Interesting," said Jasper. "But if Broderick had such a
wizard as an ally, why did he not summon the mage to help him defend Biddleburg Castle
against us?"
"Maybe the wizard wasn't an ally," said Nick. "Maybe
Broderick was ambushed."
"By whom?" asked Sidney.
"Who can say?" said Timaeus.
"Well," said Jasper after a brief silence. "Look here,
My Lord Barthold; I presume that Sir Broderick's personal effects remain at Biddleburg
Castle?"
"I assume so," said Barthold. "If I were Broddy, and I'd
just escaped from the dungeon, I wouldn't go skulking about in search of the odd pair of
socks before running away."
"Good," said Jasper briskly. "Then let's find those
socks, and I shall use the same spell to trace the baleful Broderick that I used to locate
the beauteous Beatrice. Shall we return to the castle?"
Sidney sighed. "Might as well," she said. "It looks like
this is going to be a long pursuit; we'd better get some supplies together."
"Damn," said Nick as they saddled up. "I wish we knew
where Vic was."
"True," said Timaeus, wheeling his horse. "His absence
is disturbing. Given the fact that his wits are only intermittently keen, it may be he's
forgotten our whole enterprise."
"It's not that," said Nick, clucking his mare into motion.
"It's-I always figured Vic would save our bacon, if push came to shove."
"Beg pardon?" said Timaeus.
"I figured, if we got into deep trouble, he'd always bail us
out," Nick explained. "After all, he's got the power of a dozen mages. Even if
he isn't altogether there, in mortal danger he'd probably snap to."
"Our own private deus ex machina," said Timaeus.
"A nice thought."
"Doesn't matter anyway," said Sidney shortly. "He isn't
here."
They rode onward.
The socks were brown, worn, and quite odoriferous. They hung below the
point of green light; despite Jasper's near invisibility, one got the impression he was
keeping them as distant from his invisible nose as he was able.
"I hadn't meant socks in the literal sense," complained
Jasper. "I meant it in a metaphorical way. Anything associated sufficiently
intimately with the man himself will do.
Timaeus chortled. "You'd be hard put to find anything more
intimately associated with Broderick," he pointed out. "They are imbued with his
very, ah, essence."
"Yes, well, essence, in the sense that a perfume is an
essence," said Jasper. "Not essence in the sense of unique character"
"I'd say they capture Uncle's unique character quite well,
actually," said Bertram from his sedan chair, to which his broken legs confined him.
"His morals stink; so do his socks. His welcome has worn thin; so have the
heels."
"Can't ask for better similarity between spell object and target
than that," said Timaeus complacently.
"All right, all right," grumbled Jasper. "Here
goes." He chanted his spell.
"Anything?" asked Sidney when he was done.
"Yes, actually," said Jasper. "He's-this way." The
green light flew in a straight line toward one end of the chamber.
Beatrice watched it, then glanced out the tower window. "East by
southeast, I make it," she said. They bent over the map on the table.
"Are you sure?" said Sidney incredulously, looking up at
Jasper.
"This direction, all right," said Jasper. "No mistake.
Unless someone else has been wearing these things." "Scant chance of that,"
said Bertram. "I found them balled up in his boots."
"You can't have gotten the spell wrong?" Sidney said.
"I have not," Jasper replied.
Timaeus peered over Sidney's shoulder at the map. "But you have
him striking straight across trackless wilderness," he said.
"The wildwood," agreed Beatrice.
"Leagues and leagues of it," said Sidney, a finger tracing
the route.
"Very well," said Jasper. "Let us gather provisions, and
go.
"But how could he possibly carry the statue through"
said Nick.
"How should I know?" said Jasper. "We'll ask him when we
find him."
"You'd best leave your horses," said Beatrice. "That's
mountainous terrain; the vegetation is quite dense, and there's little forage. They'd just
slow you down."
"Oh, bloody wonderful," said Timaeus. "Hiking over hill
and dale, up and down mountains and through leechinfested swamps. I'm not exactly the
hardened wilderness explorer, you know."
"You think maybe you can save the world by sitting in an armchair
and sipping brandy before the fire?" demanded Sidney. "If you aren't willing to
face a little hardship, why did you embark on this damned quest?"
"Why shouldn't one be able to save the world while sipping
brandy before the fire?" asked Timaeus. "What is it about quests that involves
dire peril and travail? Who arranges these things, anyhow?" .
"Ask Vic when you see him," said Sidney. "He seems to be
the expert on quests."
"All very well for you to say," complained Timaeus. "Not
that we've got a chance of success without Vic, you know. What are we going to do if we
reach Arst-KaraMorn without him? Knock on the Dark Lord's door and say, `Please sir,
release the spirit of Stantius Human-King so the forces of freedom can beat your nasty
orcs and things, and we can all go home?' Vincianus is the only one who has the slightest
idea how to"
"I swear to all the gods," said Sidney, "I can't imagine
how I ever got hooked up with such a whiner. We've got to go after Broderick; we don't
have any choice. Come or not, see if I give a damn."
"Oh, I'm coming, I'm coming," said Timaeus unhappily.
"But I don't have to like it. I don't suppose you'd come, Lady Beatrice? We could use
a woodswise companion."
"See here, Timaeus," said Bertram, slightly alarmed.
"You won't be taking my betrothed away, will you?"
"I'm sorry," said Beatrice. "I'm needed here. The
barony"
"Yes, yes," said Jasper. "But it would be useful to have
someone who knows the woods. Could a member of the Band perhaps be persuaded to join
us?"
Beatrice thought for a moment. "Frer Mortise, I think," she
said.
They stood in the castle courtyard in the new day's light, the sky
still rosy, the air a little chill. Timaeus picked up his pack uneasily. "This must
weigh five stone," he said.
'Two, two and a half," said Sidney, bustling about and making sure
the last of the supplies were packed away. "Kraki, help him get it on, will
you?"
"Sure," said Kraki genially, slinging his own pack easily
over one shoulder. "Turn around. Put arms back. Here ve go."
Timaeus did as requested, extending his arms awkwardly behind him.
"Oopsy-daisy," said Kraki, looping the straps over Timaeus's
shoulders and letting the pack go. Timaeus staggered under the weight. "Good
heavens," he grumbled.
"Chin up," said Jasper, zipping about.
"I don't see you with a pack," said Timaeus.
"Couldn't fly," said Jasper. "Limit to the weight I can
carry.f9
"Very convenient," said Timaeus.
Beatrice approached with a lanky, long-haired man. "This is Frer
Mortise," she said cheerfully. He was pallid, painfully thin, and wore circular
spectacles with lenses that were almost black. His garb was forest green and at his belt
was a large silver sickle. He bore a gnarled wooden staff, and a pack at his back, like
the others. He nodded in greeting.
"What's your cult, Brother?" asked Timaeus.
"Deeset," said Mortise, in a reedy, high-pitched voice. The
moon goddess; nature-aligned, but with some fairly unpleasant traits. Her worshipers were
mostly elves, women, and therianthropes. Sidney smiled.
"Vhere is Nicky?" inquired Kraki.
"Yes," said Timaeus, "where is he, Sidney?"
"What am I, his keeper?" she said. "How the
hell"
"Here he is," said Jasper.
Nick approached, looking faintly uncomfortable. Behind him, one of the
scullery maids trudged slowly, eyes red with recent tears. As Nick took up his pack, she
burst into sobs again, turned, and ran back toward the kitchen door.
"What are we waiting for?" Nick said. Beatrice was looking at
him rather coldly; to his surprise, he blushed. "Ve go," said Kraki.
And they departed.
They climbed a rise, feet sinking into the leaf mold; oaks and
chestnuts stood about them. Timaeus lagged behind, already puffing. Mortise strolled with
him, quite at ease.
"Wonderful day," said the cleric. Timaeus grunted.
"Look," said Mortise, pointing to a large, shelf-like fungus
growing from the bole of an elderly oak.
Timaeus looked. "Edible?" he asked.
"No," said Mortise. He reached up into a hollow in the tree
and pulled out a squirrel. The little red creature chattered in rage and tried to bite the
cleric's hand, but he held it too expertly.
Mortise pulled his sickle from his belt, whacked off the creature's
head, and sucked blood from the stump of itsneck. "Want some?" he asked, holding
out the limp little body.
"I'll pass, thanks," said Timaeus faintly.
Sidney sprang for the brook's far bank. Her foot slipped on mud, and
she went sprawling full-length into the water. Kraki, who had bounded over the brook with
consummate ease, gave her a hand up. "Good thing varm day," said Kraki.
"You dry out qvickly."
"Yeah, I suppose," said Sidney, shaking her limbs. A little
sandbar along the bank of the stream held a footprint of some kind-not the print of a
human sole. Her attention captured, she examined it more closely. It was a hoofprint,
rather horse-like but quite large.
Mortise leapt lightly across the stream. He studied the print Sidney
had found. "Unicorn," he said.
"Unicorn?" said Sidney unbelievingly. They were rare and
notoriously skittish.
"Sure," said Mortise, and headed off into the woods.
Timaeus came up, panting heavily. He splashed heedlessly . through the
water and nearly ran into Sidney. He stopped and teetered for a moment under the weight of
his pack.
"Unicorn," said Sidney, nodding toward the hoofprint.
He stared at her uncomprehendingly for a moment; gradually, a glimmer
of understanding penetrated fatiguedulled eyes. He glanced at the hoofprint.
"Pshaw," he scoffed.
"Mortise says it's a unicorn," she said.
They camped in a pine grove on a gentle slope above a stream. Mortise
had shown them how to pitch the tents, and had collected enough wood to start a blaze,
something they all appreciated; the day had been warm, but the night sky was clear and
their elevation was high. The temperature was rapidly dropping.
Nick scanned the skies above them. He was acutely aware that dragons
inhabited the Dzorzian Range. Vincianus had promised there wouldn't be any, not on this
quest; but Vincianus wasn't around, and had probably forgotten his promise anyway. It
would be just their luck if some dragon took it into its head to have them for dinner.
They wouldn't have a prayer of defeating a dragon, not by force of
arms; and, Nick realized uncomfortably, one of their two wizards would be useless against
a wynn. Fireballs wouldn't faze a monster that belched fire after every meal.
Timaeus sat on the needled ground by the fire, .leaning back against
his pack, eyes half closed with fatigue, luxuriating in the warmth. A copper pot bubbled
above the blaze, filled with skinned squirrel, mushrooms, and wild onionsMortise's
gleanings of the day.
They heard the crash of a large beast in the woods. "Dragon!"
shouted Nick, looking for someplace to hide. Everyone else leapt for weapons-except for
Timaeus, who barely roused himself enough to look.
It wasn't a dragon. An ogre walked into the circle of light cast by the
fire. He stood a good ten feet tall. His hair was matted and filthy; he was clad in
uncured deer hide, and a knife as long as Kraki's sword hung at his belt. In one hand was
an enormous wooden bucket.
"Die, foul vight!" shouted Kraki, hurtling toward the
monster. His sword bit into the ogre's leggings, through deer hide and into the straw the
monster had packed within them for warmth. It was doubtful the blade penetrated as far as
the ogre's flesh.
"Hey!" boomed the ogre. "Don't do dat." He kicked
Kraki across the clearing. The barbarian tumbled, plowing through pine needles to smash
into the trunk of a tree. Somehow, he managed to keep his grip on his sword.
The monster upended his bucket over the fire, extinguishing the blaze
and splashing Timaeus, who sprang to his feet, fatigue forgotten. "What is the
meaning of this?" Timaeus shouted.
"Very bad Ping, fire in woods," scolded the ogre, waving a
sausage-like finger. "Nasty bad humans. Make forest fire. Scare all liddle
animals." And with that, he turned and strode away, tree limbs cracking in his wake.
There was silence for a moment. Kraki stood up, shaking each of his
limbs in turn, making sure nothing was broken. Timaeus poked disconsolately at the sodden
remnants of their once-cheery blaze. "Damn it all," he said. "I'm
freezing." In truth, it was rather cold.
"I don't think it's a good idea to start another fire," said
Nick, greatly relieved it hadn't been a dragon after all. "He might come back."
"Then ve kill," said Kraki.
"Sure, pal," said Nick. "You did such a good job the
first time."
"He got me by surprise," protested the barbarian. "Am I
not Kraki, son of Kronar, son of"
"Shut up," said Sidney. "There's no point in fighting
that thing if we don't have to. The last thing we need is for someone to get badly wounded
out here, miles from nowhere."
Timaeus sneezed, visibly shivering. "Fine," he said.
"See if I care. I like pneumonia."
"Get out of those wet clothes," Mortise advised.
Timaeus grunted and went to search through his pack. Mortise retrieved
the stew pot, which, miraculously, had not been upset. He pulled out a squirrel leg and
bit into it. "Well," he said, "it's partly cooked."
Disconsolately, they sat in chilly darkness, eating halfraw rodent and
onions still fresh enough to bring tears to the eyes.
"Rise and shine!" sang Nick. He and Mortise were already
puttering about, striking tents and packing up. Timaeus woke, bleary-eyed and fatigued. He
habitually rose early, but this was absurd; there was the merest glimmer of rose on the
horizon. He had slept like the dead, exhausted from the previous day's trek, but his back
was killing him. He peered under his bedroll and saw a root that must have been pressing
against his spine for hours. "Tea," he moaned.
"No fire," said Sidney, handing him a stick of something
brown. "Here."
Timaeus held it gingerly, at arm's length. "And what, pray, is
this?" he asked.
"Beef jerky," she said, masticating a stick to prove the
point. "Breakfast."
"Ah," said Timaeus. "Excellent." He essayed a bite
and nearly lost a molar.
"Makes you feel like a new man," said Jasper, whizzing over
to help Nick pack. "Nothing like the great outdoors"
"Ye gods," muttered Timaeus. He went over and took a tin of
tea leaves from his pack, then grabbed Mortise's pot and headed down to the stream.
Sidney hustled over and grabbed his arm. "I said no fire. We
don't "
"Unhand me, madam," said Timaeus. "I shall start no
blaze." Reluctantly, Sidney let go, but followed him down to the stream to make sure.
Timaeus washed out the pot, filled it with water, dumped a quantity of leaves into it,
then chanted a brief spell and thrust his fist into the water. After a few moments, it
began to boil around his hand, the water turning brown as the tea infused it. "There,
you see?" said Timaeus. "Nary so much as a whiff of smoke." He withdrew his
hand and headed back up the hill, steam rising from the pot. Sidney snuck a glance at his
hand, half expecting it to be scalded red, but it seemed unaffected by its immersion in
boiling water.
Everyone accepted a cup of tea, with thanks. Timaeus sat down on his
pack to enjoy his morning pipe and cuppa, but before he had even poured his second cup,
Sidney wasordering him to his feet. "We've got leagues ahead of us," she
scolded, "and no time to waste."
Timaeus groaned, lurched to his feet, and consented, grumbling, to have
Kraki hoist up his pack once more.
When they reached a grove of oaks, Mortise called a break for lunch.
Everyone removed packs and began to prepare for the meal. Everyone, that is, except for
Timaeus, who did not appear until minutes later. He staggered into the grove, drenched in
sweat, panting raggedly, and stumbled blindly onward. He might have staggered back off
into the woods, oblivious to the others, if Sidney hadn't taken his arm and brought him to
a halt. He stared at her dumbly for a while, then crumpled to the ground.
It was a good ten minutes before he roused himself even enough to light
his pipe. Sidney, worried, brought him a flask of water, which he gulped greedily down.
"It'll get better," she told him.
Timaeus considered that for a moment. It was a difficult concept to
grasp. Better? In what sense? Were there superior and inferior versions of torture? And
which was the better? The most painful, or the least? "Define your terms," he
said tiredly.
The others were already preparing for departure. "We've got to go
on," Sidney said. "Jasper claims Broderick's lead is widening. We don't dare
stop"
"Mm hm," said Timaeus, not considering further conversation
worth the effort. He got to his hands and knees, then used a nearby tree to pull himself
erect. Pipe clenched in his teeth, he extended his hands behind his back and waited until
Kraki got the hint, lifted Timaeus's pack, and dropped it onto his shoulders.
Under the impact, Timaeus pitched face forward into leaf mold. Coals
spilled from his pipe into the leaves, which started to smolder. Nick stamped them out.
Haltingly, Timaeus got to his hands and knees, crawled to his pipe, and
pocketed it.
"I take his pack," said Kraki, already wearing his own.
"Are you sure?" said Sidney. "Two packs are a good fifty
pounds."
"Good," said Kraki. "Then maybe I break a little
sveat." Muscles like steel cables bunched in his arms.
Timaeus was scrabbling at a tree, trying to get to his feet once more.
Kraki removed the wizard's pack; Timaeus hardly seemed to notice, except that he was now
able to stand erect.
They climbed onward, up a ridge, Sidney trailing with Timaeus to make
sure he did not fall too far behind.
The little glade was pleasant after the cool dimness of the forest, a
roughly circular space where only grasses and wildflowers grew. Leaf-dappled light played
across the ground. Perhaps a fire had cleared the trees here, and they had not yet grown
back; perhaps some local peculiarity of the soil prevented the growth of timber. At the
glade's center stood a boulder, perhaps glacial in origin. Not far away, a charming stream
purled. All in all, the place seemed most inviting to travel-wearied wanderers. Sidney
called a rest.
Timaeus came out of the forest, hobbling as if shackled. Nick guided
him to the central boulder; the wizard lay with his back against it.
Kraki dropped his packs and shook his head like a dog; droplets of
sweat flung everywhere. "Ho!" he said. "Feels good to vork for a change. Ve
go on or camp here?"
"If we can make a few hours before sundown, we should," said
Sidney, feeling a little tired herself. "I say we"
She was interrupted by a snore. Timaeus lay openmouthed, drooling a bit
into his beard.
"Oh, hell," said Sidney.
Jasper, who had muttered the Words of a spell, said, "He's a
little farther away now than last evening."
"Broderick, you mean?" said Nick.
"Yes," said Jasper.
"How does he do it?" demanded Sidney. "He's laden with
that statue, he's got to be in his fifties"
"And he's apparently traveling with a unicorn," said Jasper.
"No knowing what he's up to."
"How much farther away?" asked Sidney.
"I'm sorry; I'm afraid I can't tell. It's really a directional
spell; he's off in that direction," Jasper said, pointing roughly to the
east-southeast. "I can get a vague sense of distance from the strength of the
feeling, but not much more than that."
Sidney looked at sleeping Timaeus. "I suppose we'd better camp
here," she said regretfully. "We're not going to catch up soon, anyway, so
there's no point in driving ourselves beyond endurance."
"Ourselves?" said Nick pointedly.
"We're in this together," said Sidney.
"I don't think this is a good place," said Mortise
apologetically, looking about the glade and frowning slightly.
"Why not?" asked Sidney.
"It doesn't feel right," said Mortise.
"What?" said Kraki. "Don't be silly. Vater that
vay." He pointed to a stream, not far off in the woods. "Good drainage. Soft
grass to lie on. Make fire by boulder, shelter from breeze. Sleep under open stars. Fine
campsite."
Mortise looked uncertainly about. "Yes," he said uncertainly.
"But "
Kraki was already unrolling his blanket.
Mortise sighed and opened his leather pouch. He'd killed three
woodlarks and a number of finches during the day. There wasn't much meat on songbirds, but
woodlarks were actually quite delicious. And he had the eggs from one of their nests.
Still, it wasn't really enough for dinner.
Jasper was watching him. "Not to worry," he said, and the
green light zipped away into the woods.
A half hour later, Nick was contemplating the necessity of making a
meal of cornmeal mush. "Is this all we've got?" he complained.
"There's raisins, pemmican, jerky, and hardtack," said
Sidney. "Enough to live on for several days, but something fresh would be
better."
"Fresh?" said Nick. "You call cornmeal mush fresh?"
"Come off it, Nick," she said. "It's better
than"
A doe came walking into the campsite. She walked over to Kraki and
stood there, silent and trembling. Everyone stared in astonishment.
"Well, hurry up," said Jasper irritably, flitting through the
air behind her. "Kill her, by all means. I can't control her forever, you know."
Kraki drew his sword.
"Better if you age the meat," said Kraki sleepily and gave an
enormous belch. The remains of a haunch lay before him.
"Didn't like it, I can tell," said Nick with satisfaction; he
had prepared and roasted the deer.
Mortise gathered up the scraps and went to throw them into the latrine.
He regretted that; better to throw them into the woods and let animals eat the remains-but
they wouldn't want to be bothered by predators and animal noises tonight.
By the time he got back, everyone else was asleep. He hesitated; he
still felt a sense of wrongness about the place. He sighed, then took his bedroll and
walked several paces
into the wood before laying it down. Perhaps the others were right;
what was there in the woods to harm them? Moving out of the glade might be a pointless
precaution, but he felt the better for it.
II.
It started as a single note; a single haunting note, like the sound of
a flute in the hands of a master: low, rich, evocative of loss. Sleepily, Sidney raised
her head from her bedroll and looked about the campsite. The fire had gone out, only a few
embers remaining. Above, a sliver of moon glinted silver. In the cool night air, fireflies
played, green lights winking out and reappearing. If she hadn't been a city girl, it might
have occurred to Sidney that it was late, near midnight: too late for fireflies. And early
in the year, yet, for them to appear in such numbers.
A birdcall, she thought, and turned over to go back to sleep.
At the edge of her consciousness, a song began to play. It did not
occur to her to wonder at that; half asleep, she took it for a dream. It was slow, sad,
ancient music: a single flute. No, it had not the metallic sparkle of a flute; it was more
like a recorder, rich wooden tones.
And then the music changed. Joining the flute was another, and a string
instrument as well. Sidney was no musician, but she thought it might be a lute. Still the
music mourned; what, precisely, she could not say, but she could feel the sense of loss.
She lifted her head again.
The little meadow was bright now; not the bright of day, but full-moon
brightpeculiar, for the moon was a crescent still. Atop the boulder by which they'd
built the fire was a creature; a little goat-legged creature, with the goateed face of a
man. At his lips were pipes; not a flute at all, nor yet a recorder, but panpipes. His
legs were crossed, one hoofed foot moving to the music's beat. He never seemed to breathe,
playing the music continually. About him, fireflies glowed.
Smiling, Sidney sat up and listened. Somehow this struck her as
completely natural, that there should be music here. It never occurred to her to wonder
whether this was dream or reality, whether the creature meant them well or ill. There were
no questions, only the music, and wonderment only at its beauty.
Those fireflies were not insects; not fireflies at all, but fays,
glowing winged creatures, shaped like tiny men and women. Sidney had heard of them before,
but never seen them; they were kin, somehow, to the elves. They hovered in the air like
hummingbirds, listening attentively to the tune.
Where were the other musicians? Sidney looked about. One sat at the
foot of the rock, lute in hand. It was a raccoon, for all that it was dressed like a man,
furred face bending seriously over the lute, clever clawed fingers plucking the strings.
And the other piper-was nowhere to be seen. Pipes floated in the air by the foot of the
rock, as if the piper sat there; but whoever played them, if indeed they did not play
themselves, was invisible. None of this struck Sidney as unusual.
Her companions were awake now, too, sitting up and listening to the
music. Their faces betrayed nothing butpeace, gentle concentration, perhaps a touch of the
music's own melancholy.
And the music changed.
It was sprightly, laughing, exuberant now; the pipes seemed practically
to chuckle, but with a rueful tinge. It was music that might be played in a city under
siege, the enemy outside the gates, the end a matter of days, the carousers determined to
seize a moment of joy before the horror to come. The goat-legged creature was practically
bouncing atop his rock now, arms and head swinging with the music. The fays began to dance
in the air, dashing wildly about the glade, pairing off and flying around in intricate
arcs, a gay pavane. Sidney was smiling now, her heart in her throat, completely
captivated; she found her own feet tapping, her fingers moving.
Jasper was flying too, trying somehow to dance with the fays, his light
a deeper green than theirs, but not dissimilar. He was slower, clumsier than they, but
they took his participation good-naturedly, clustering about him and guiding him into the
pattern of the dance.
And the music changed again. It was desperately exuberant, desperately
fast. It spoke of life and death, the wild hunt, Dionysian frenzy. Enthralled by the
sound, Sidney found herself on her feet, dancing too. Her motions were hesitant at first,
but rapidly grew surer. The others were dancing also, joy and exuberance on their faces,
dancing across the glade. They would pair for a moment, dance off again. Others were
present, too; young deer leaping about, owls flitting through the air amid flying
squirrels. Even the very grasses seemed to move, as if they, too, felt the music's
enchantment.
The dance went on and on; one song seemed to begin where the last one
left off. At times, the music slowed, the dance became a somber minuet; at times it rose
again to a frenzy, Sidney bounding about, practically flying through the air, in
surefooted motions like none she had ever performed before. At times only one instrument
spoke, or one of the players would sing, in a peculiar language she did not know. When the
music became fastest and most frenzied, invariably all three musicians played.
Sidney began to tire. And still she danced. She could feel the fatigue
of her limbs, but it didn't seem to matter. She danced on and on, until her legs seemed
something alien, outside her body, whirling away there below her. When the music slowed,
and the dance with it, they would tremble a bit; but as the pace quickened, they would
quicken too, dancing unrelentingly.
When she would chance to dance a few steps with one of her companions,
his face would hold the same bright fierceness, the same exuberance she felt; but as time
passed, she began to recognize the symptoms of fatigue. Their eyes seemed to sink into
their sockets, black circles growing outward from them. Their faces became gaunt and
shrunken, but still they danced on ... and on ... and on ...
Frer Mortise didn't hear the music. But he was attuned to the magic of
the woods, and as the spell began to take hold, he turned in his sleep, bothered by the
flow of energy, until he, too, awoke.
Silver light shone from the glade.
He leapt to his feet and ran toward it, halting just outside the ring.
For that was what it was, he now saw: a faerie ring, a place of power. Most such were
marked out by standing stones, or toadstools; he would have recognized it before, if it
had been so indicated. He heard no music, but he saw the dance, the flitting fays, the
mindless, ecstatic faces of his friends.
He saw the players, there within 'the ring; the goatlegged man he
recognized as an aspect of the god Fithold. The others he could not identify.
"Sidney!" he shouted. "Timaeus!" And he called the
others, too, but none of them so much as glanced his way.
Should he enter the ring, and bodily draw them forth? No, he thought;
he would simply be enraptured by the spell, as they had been. He mumbled
prayersthen, struck with inspiration, fetched his sickle and felled a sapling.
Holding one end, he extended the other into the ring, in the hope that the dancers would
stumble against it, come to their senses, that the spell would be broken ...
He stood there for long moments, waving the stick about. The dancers
seemed oblivious to its presence, taking no conscious note of it but evading it with
amazing agility. It seemed to bother them not in the least.
What the devil could he do? He stomped around the ring in frustration,
shouting himself hoarse. Beatrice had charged him to guide and protect his companions; and
here, mere days into the woods, were they ensorceled and in peril.
He looked up at the sky; the moon had set. He prayed to Deeset
regardless, drew on his link to the goddess to power a spell-but it failed. That was a
god, or an avatar of one, there within the ring; and the faerie ring itself was no feeble
power. He could not overcome it.
Not, certainly, with the moon as slim as it was now. It was recently
out of the new, a thin crescent when in the sky. His power waxed and waned with its
extent. When it reached the full, perhaps he might fight this spell, perhaps he could
break his companions free ...
But that was eleven days from now, he realized with despair. Could they
survive for eleven days, without food or drink, caught in the faerie dance? Well, yes,
they might; time passed oddly for those ensorceled by the fays. What seemed a night might
be a century, and eleven days outside the ring might be mere moments for those inside.
The sky was tinged with rose, now, the sun beginning to rise. And as
the air lightened, the scene within the faerie ring faded away, fays and musicians and
humans evaporating like the morning dew.
They would return, Mortise knew, with the setting sun, to dance away
another night. And another, and another, and more to come; they would dance, if he could
not save them, until their deaths.
The glade was quiet, now, serene; birds twittered in the trees. The
bedrolls and packs of his companions were scattered across the grass; those, at least, had
remained.
With a groan of despair, Mortise sat on the boulder at the glade's
center, his head in his hands.
For long hours, he debated what to do. He considered digging trenches
across the glade, or building barricades of logs, or damming the nearby stream and
flooding the land; but he feared none of this would work. Indeed, it might simply cause
his companions to trip, fall, injure themselves, and continue their ecstatic dance without
regard for injuries. He might merely advance their deaths.
He saw only two possibilities: He could wait eleven days, until the
night of the moon's fullest extent; or he could leave the glade in hope of finding aid.
He might as well spend eleven days traveling as sitting here in
despair, he supposed.
If he were to leave, should he return to Biddleburg, or continue the
pursuit of Broderick?
He could think of no one at Biddleburg with the power to aid him; but
then, he knew no one in the HamsterDzorzia, whither Broderick was seemingly bound.
He shrugged, and searched the packs until he found Broderick's socks.
He closed his eyes and concentrated; some faint remnant of Jasper's spell remained.
Eastsoutheast, that was where Broderick headed.
Before he left, he took a last glance around the glade; the packs of
the others were strewn across the grass. Animals might rip them open in search of food, he
realized;and so he picked them up, and hung them from the branches of trees.
He shouldered his own pack, took up his walking stick, and hiked
resolutely east-southeast. Without the others to slow him down, he made good speed.
Some days later, Frer Mortise smelled a campfire, the smoke on the
wind. It was night, a few hours after sunset. He pulled forth the socks again and closed
his eyes, but felt nothing; if any power remained in Jasper's spell, he was not sensitive
enough to feel it any longer. The people camped ahead might include Broderick, but again
might not.
He eyed the sky through a gap in the trees; Deeset was waxing, but
still slim. There was less than an hour before she set.
Mortise hesitated, then decided to take the risk. He should have enough
time. He took on owl form.
His gear and garb fell away, onto the needled forest floor. The owl
flew up through the trees and circled once, fixing the place in memory. It would not do to
lose his equipment, Mortise thought.
He flitted above the trees. The moon shone slantwise through thin wisps
of cloud; the firs looked dark below. Bats shared the air with him, as did another owl or
two; Mortise heard an annoyed hoot, as the owl whose territory this was took exception to
his presence. Below, he spotted a flying squirrel, leaping from one tree to another;
almost without thinking, Mortise folded his wings, dived, and snatched it from the air. He
bit the creature's head off, then landed in a tree to rip at its flesh.
He hadn't had anything to eat for hours; the squirrel was delicious.
But this was unwise, he realized; time was short.
He darted through the forest, dodging the boles of trees. The campfire
was just ahead now. He came to a perch on the branch of a white pine, just outside the
perimeter of the camp.
There was a babble of speech; high voices, silver tones: elves.
Mortise advanced crabwise down the branch to get a better look. A dozen
or more. They had the statue of Stantius, sure enough; they'd set it up by the fire, and
someone had put a peaked elven cap on Stantius's upturned face-a joke, perhaps.
Some sort of stew bubbled over the fire. Several elves were singing,
while another group played cards.
Mortise gave a start; one of the card-players was human, an old and
toothless man. The old man looked up from his cards, stared directly at Mortiseand
winked.
Mortise was terrified; would the old man betray him? But the human,
whom Mortise did not recognize, merely returned his attention to his cards.
Mortise heard a noise from beneath his tree, the scuffle of a boot on
leaves. He looked down; another human, gray-haired but not as old as the other, was
sneaking out of camp. Mortise identified this one easily enough: Broderick.
One of the elves turned at the very same noisebut at that
instant, Vincianus threw down his cards and yelled, "Grand spatzle!"
Hoots and groans came from the card-players; the singers broke off,
their song interrupted. Vincianus jumped up and did a little dance of victory, waving his
handsand suddenly, the air was full of explosions and colored lights, exuberant
magic to express the old man's pleasure at winning.
Broderick ran flat out away from the encampment.
The old man was providing a distraction, Mortise saw, to allow
Broderick to escape. Should he follow Broderick, Mortise wondered, or stay with the
statue?
Before he could decide he realized with a start that the moon was
already sinking behind the
Oh, fudge, he thought. The moon had set. He was trapped in this form
until it rose againlate tomorrow afternoon.
Mortise sighed internally, and flitted silently after Broderick.
Broderick paused at the forest edge to survey the land beyond. Nearby,
Mortise came to a landing on a tree, grateful for the rest.
Parallel ridges ran out from the Dzorzian Range, cutting the
countryside below into valleys. The slopes were terraced, planted with grapevines and
olive trees; the valley floors were patchworks of wheat, corn, and fields left fallow.
Here and there stood farmsteads, isolated clusters of buildings, and peasants' huts. Down
the left slope was a village, a cluster of buildings along a road; no lamps burned now, in
the hours before the dawn.
Broderick came to a decision and made his way downward, toward the
town. At each terrace edge, he crouched and let himself over the lip.
Mortise took to the air behind him and circled high into the night sky.
Sharp owlish eyes easily picked out the figure of Broderick, struggling down the ridge;
indeed, saw mice scutting amid the still young corn, rabbits in a farmstead's vegetable
patch. Mortise contemplated a snack, but feared losing track of Broderick.
Dawn neared; with each of Broderick's steps, they left Mortise's gear
farther behind, a heap somewhere off in the forest. At dawn, Mortise would need to depart;
he had no wish to brave the day's harsh glare, not with sensitive owlish eyes. He hoped
Broderick would soon find a place to rest.
At last Broderick came to the road along the valley floor, and made
quicker progress along it toward the village. There he hesitantly surveyed each building
in turn, until, with apparent satisfaction, just as the eastern horizon began to lighten,
he came to the village's only inn.
He began to hammer on the door, shouting. Mortise glided down to a
landing atop the stable's peaked roof to watch. Mortise was thankful; doubtless Broderick
would take shelter here. Mortise could flit back to the forest, find his gear, and return
soon after.
After some moments, a candle appeared at an upper window; and shortly
afterward the door was unbarred and opened. A haggard, middle-aged woman in nightclothes
stood there, holding a candlestick.
"Hola, woman, your best mount, and on th' instant," Broderick
said sharply.
Bugger, thought Mortise. Doesn't the man ever tire? Broderick clearly
intended to ride onward, and Mortise could not pursue.
"Well enough, good sir," said the woman sleepily, "but a
deposit will be needed, and we must agree on the rental"
Broderick drew a blade. "Your life will be deposit enough,
methinks," he said, "and as for rental, you may request it of your lord."
The woman made to slam the door, but Broderick pushed inward. The door
slammed behind them both.
Unhappily, Mortise watched the door, swiveling his head from time to
time to survey the eastern sky; but no one returned, not for several moments, though there
were crashes and muffled oaths from within the inn.
At last, Mortise took flight again, and headed back toward the woods.
Frer Mortise slept, head under wing, until the late afternoon, when the
moon finally rose. At last able to return to human form, he donned his clothes and
collected his things.
It was not until the evening that, trailworn and weary, he returned to
the fields where he had left Broderick. Familiar now with the lay of the land, he managed
to come to the forest edge not atop the ridge, but down in the valley. This at least
spared him the difficult descent down the terraces.
He took comfort from the waxing moon; if danger was near, so at least
was his goddess. In the few days yet to go, though he had scant hope now of finding help
for his friends, he hoped at least to learn of Broderick's fate, and perhaps the statue's,
too. The faerie ring was two days' travel, if he went swiftly; he still had time to gather
provisions and return.
Across the fields came the lowing of cattle, returning to their pens.
From huts and houses, tendrils of smoke reached skyward, fires cooking the evening repast.
Down the road, Mortise could see the inn where Broderick had been; he noticed its sign, as
he had not before: a broken column, surmounted by an olive branch. Other men, and some
older women, were heading there likewise, no doubt to quaff a pint of ale or stoup of wine
after the day's hard labor.
The door stood open; within, there was comfort and cheer, the
hearthfire casting warmth and light across the taproom. When Mortise appeared,
conversation trailed away, as the locals took in his habit and sickle; a wandering priest,
clearly, his cult not readily apparent. He seemed harmless enough, so the lull in
conversation was momentary.
Two young children ran about, bearing cups and sometimes platters of
food; the clientele knew them, it seemed, and would pop them onto their knees, or tell
them a joke before asking for another ale. A third, a babe, crawled on the bar itself,
plashing its hands in a puddle of wine.
A group of people clustered about the woman at the bar. Mortise
recognized her as the innkeeper from whom Broderick had demanded a horse. She had a shiner
about her left eye. She came around the bar and approached him.
"Good evening, Father," the innkeeper said. "May I be of
help?"
"Not `Father,' " said Mortise. "Merely `Frer,' if you
will. I could use a bite to eat, and a place to spend the night."
She hesitated. "May I ask your cult, Brother?"
"I follow Deeset," he said.
"Oh-very well," she said. "We can spare some pottage and
the local wine; and if you don't mind the hayloft, there's room in the-stable."
Mortise blinked; the offer of charity was unexpected. He could pay, of
course-but perhaps he'd take her up, in the interest of appearing a harmless itinerant,
and secretly leave her a stack of coins on the morrow. "Thank you," he said.
"May I sit by the fire?"
"Of course," she said, snagging one of the children.
"Get the friar a bowl of pottage, Albrecht," she said.
"Righto, Ma," said the boy, and ran off toward the kitchen.
The innkeeper rejoined her circle.
"It just goes to show," said a red-faced and portly man,
taking up the conversation where it had paused, "you need a man about the place,
Lotte."
"And you'd like to be my man, is that it, Johnny?" the
innkeeper said, pouring a mug of wine and motioning Mortise to take it.
There was general laughter, as Johnny turned even more red-faced.
"That's not what I had in mind," he protested, "though I'm not saying I
wouldn't, either. But all sorts come down the road. And with the war on, there'll be more.
One man with a sword stole your best horse, Lotte, you have to think about that. Think of
the children, if not your own safety. We should take turns, sleeping here"
"I think," said a woman with the lined face and largehands of
a lifetime of labor, "people who open the door in the middle of the night get what
they deserve."
"Thank you kindly, Tanya," the innkeeper said in an annoyed
tone, "but I can't afford to turn away custom." Mortise sat on the bricks of the
hearth and sipped his
wine, listening. Albrecht appeared with a bowl of brownish, lumpy stew,
and dropped it unceremoniously in Mortise's lap. Mortise wolfed it down, scooping it up
with pieces of bread. It was the usual thing; an inn generally had a pot bubbling away
above the kitchen fire at all times. Into it went leftover scraps of meat, vegetables,
occasional bones, and water to keep it all from burning. It served as the basis for stocks
and gravies, but was edible alone in a pinch. Years of continuous simmering gave it a
rich, meaty consistency. Mortise thought it quite satisfactory.
He hoped they would mention where Broderick had gone; but the topic did
not arise, and Mortise had no desire to raise suspicion by asking.
Besides, he was looking forward to a good night's sleep. He could
always ask Lotte tomorrow.
Mortise awoke in late morning, nose filled with the warm scent of hay.
At the far end of the loft, golden sunshine poured from an open window. A beam protruded
out over the road there; Mortise supposed they used it to hoist up bales of hay.
It took Mortise a moment to realize what had awoken him; more than
sunlight poured through that window. He heard the voices of a good many men in
conversation, the tinkle of harness, the clopping sound of horses on the move. Mortise
climbed over bales of hay to peer into the road.
An army marched through the town. Not a large army; perhaps twenty
horse and forty foot. The latter bore polearms of some kind, oddly shaped blades waving in
the air. The van had already passed, but Mortise peered up the road; at the head rode two
men abreast, a woman between them. One of the men, even from behind, Mortise identified as
Broderick; that salt-and-pepper hair, that arrogant stance were pretty well imprinted in
the memory of any Biddlebourgeois who had lived through the time of tyranny. The other was
evidently a nobleman; behind him rode a footman bearing his armsa dragon displayed,
gules on argent. His armor was curiously stark for a nobleman; the modern fashion was for
increasingly elaborately decorated arms, but his mail was plain as plain. Functional,
Mortise supposed.
The woman wore a mage's robes; and by the color, she was evidently of
the College of Fire.
"Think we'll have time for an ale, after?" said one of the
soldiers passing below Mortise's perch.
"If you don't watch where you put your bloody guisard,"
snarled another, "you won't have an after, Mauro, you turd."
"All right, you lot," said another commandingly, "save
it for the elves."
Elves? thought Mortise.
Of course! Broderick had made some kind of deal; they were off to take
the statue from the elves.
Mortise lunged toward his clothes.
By the time he'd gotten his clothes on and made it out of the stable,
the party had left the village and was winding its way along a cattle path, up the
southern ridge.
Mortise watched them a moment, wondering how much use cavalry would be
amid these terraces; a charge down these slopes would mean risking your mount's legs with
every drop.
He ran down the road and skirted someone's wheat. To follow the cattle
path himself would be to court disaster; they would wonder why he followed, and might
detainhim. Instead, he'd have to struggle up the ridge some distance away, hoping to avoid
notice. It was hard work, pulling up the terraces; and the grapevines around him gave no
shelter from the hot sun-and not much more from observation.
By the time he reached the ridgeline, he was panting. He had made good
time up the hill-better time, in fact, than the soldiers, who were still some paces from
the ridge's peak, perhaps fifty rods distant. Mortise, feeling uncomfortably exposed,
began to descend the ridge's far side. Perhaps he could find a hiding place before the
soldiers reached the ridgeline themselves.
Indeed, a perfect place presented itself: a copse of trees, standing
alone on the valley floor. He must first descend the ridge, then walk several minutes to
get there, but once there, could observe Broderick and the army without fear of being
seen.
He made haste, running down the slope and leaping from one terrace to
the next. Mortise reached the valley floor and peered back up the ridge. Could he make it
to the copse before the soldiers reached the ridgeline?
Alas, no; the cavalry was just beginning to cross the ridge, the men
leading their horses slantwise down the slope-more or less in his direction. Mortise
cursedthen noticed that the intervening plain was planted in wheat and maize. If he
crawled, the plants would shelter him.
And so, on hands and knees, he skirted the periphery of the
wheatfieldto plunge into it would mean swaying stalks of wheat, which the soldiers
might observe. The next field was maize; he wove his way between the stalks, green leaves
a canopy over his head. It was cool, down here by the earth, the leaves filtering out the
harshest rays of the sun.
After some minutes, he stuck his head up high enough to essay a glimpse
of his surroundings. The soldiers were closer now, he saw; indeed, they had taken up
position in the very wheatfield he had left moments ago. The cavalry had remounted and had
formed up in ranks at center, flanked on either side by the foot. The latter were in tight
formation, guisards held parallel and forward. They were clearly expecting trouble. And
they were facing him.
Mortise yanked his head down and hugged the cool earth. He was directly
between the soldiers and the copse of trees.
Could the elves be amid those trees?
In sudden terror, Mortise realized: It was more than likely. Elves are
creatures of the woods; if forced, for some reason, to travel across a cultivated plain,
they would make camp, if at all possible, amid some stand of trees, some little wood.
"Deeset aid me," Mortise whispered into the dirt-but he was
facing the wrong way, not toward the heavens; and anyway, the moon had not yet risen.
Stalks of corn cracked. A single footman rode past Mortise, close
enough that the friar could see the froth about the horse's bit. He bore a white flag.
This relieved Mortise somewhat; they were going to try to parley. He
wasn't going to be trampled to death by charging cavalry for a little bit longer, in any
event.
The footman dismounted not far away and planted his flag.
Long moments passed. Mortise wondered whether he should try to crawl
off-but with the footman so close feared even to breathe, lest that give him away. He
dithered, until he heard a voice speak.
"Hiya," it said. It was a cheerful voice, rather highpitched.
"What's shaking?"
An elf, Mortise thought.
The footman cleared his throat. "The Graf von Grentz would speak
with you under flag of truce," he said.
"Jake by me," said the elf.
The footman blew a hornMortise nearly leapt out ofhis
skinand, a moment or two later, another two horses passed within yards of Mortise.
One bore Broderick; the other, the nobleman Mortise had seen beforethe Graf von
Grentz, he presumed. Though von Grentz retained his armor, Mortise saw, both noblemen had
left their swords behind.
"I hight Gerlad, Graf von Grentz," said a deep, curiously
calm voice.
"Howdy," said the elf. "You can call me Beliel. Hiya,
Broddy, old buddy."
"Greetings, Beliel," said von Grentz. "Are you aware
that you are in Hamsterian territory?"
"Gosh, is that so?" said the elf, slightly sarcastically.
"Golly. Well, you know how it is, if it's Tuesday, this must be Ishkabibble. Got my
passport here somewhere, just a sec . . ."
"To be specific," said von Grentz, "you are in County
Weintroockle, a fief of the House von Grentz. My demesne, in other words. Which you have
entered, bearing arms, leading several dozen elves at arms. An armed invasion, in point of
fact. Can you offer any reason why I should not order the lot of you killed out of
hand?"
"Well jeez," said Beliel in an aggrieved tone. "If we'd
known you'd be such a prig about it. I mean, we haven't actually done anything; no
villages pillaged, no cities put to the sword or nothing. Just merry old elves, singing
our merry song as we voyage merrily across the land. Maybe it's technically armed
invasion, but gosh, let's keep this in perspective."
There was silence for a long moment.
"Then," the elf said, rather more nervously, "there is
interspecies comity to consider. I mean, with the war with the orcs and all, you wouldn't
want an international incident opening a breach among the Free Peoples, would you?"
There was another pause.
"Would you?" said the elf again.
"Mr. Beliel," said von Grentz, "you will order your folk
to leave the thicket of trees ahead of us, one by one, and lay down their arms. You will
permit my men to make a thorough search of your equipment."
"And then?" said Beliel.
"You will be escorted over the border," said von Grentz.
"And our things?"
"Your what?"
"Our possessions?"
"Your weapons will be returned to you upon your departure. Items
of contraband will be confiscated. Your legal possessions you may retain."
"Gotcha," said Beliel. "There's this statue, see. We
don't plan on giving it up."
"Indeed," said von Grentz. "Sir Broderick and I have
discussed it at considerable length. I believe you stole it from him, and I fully expect
you to return it."
Beliel snorted. "No," he said.
"No?" von Grentz inquired.
"No," said Beliel. "Negative. Nugatory. Nope. Uh uh.
Nosirreebob. The opposite of yes. No"
There was sudden violent motion from where the speakers stood, and the
elf's voice broke off. Then Broderick bellowed, "Surrender, or your leader
dies!"
Mortise dared a peek. Broderick had grabbed the elf and held a knife to
his throat. Even to possess a knife was a violation of the rules of parley; to hold a
negotiator hostage was a criminal act in every human, dwarven, and elven realm. This was
loathsome, Mortise thought, even for Broderick.
Even von Grentz looked rather disgusted, but not enough, apparently, to
force Broderick to put the elf down.
The elves' response was a shower of arrows. One of the horses went
down, neighing in terror. Beliel wriggled outof Broderick's grasp and shoved Broderick's
own blade, still in Broderick's hand, into Broderick's stomach.
That was all Mortise saw before he hit the dirt once more. An arrow
plunged into the earth scant inches from his head.
A horse screamed in pain; an arrow must have found its mark. Moments
later, another horse thundered close by Mortise, at a gallop-von Grentz, crouching low
over his mount's neck, was off to rejoin his army.
Mortise went to hands and knees and began to scuttle away, keeping his
head down but hustling to get out from between the army and the elves. Things were going
to get pretty hairy pretty damn soon
Things got hairy even sooner. Mortise started, rising inches into the
air almost before he heard the report of thunder; a fireball had exploded a few rods
distant. A fullthroated, many-voiced roar rose from behind, and the beat of hooves on
earth; the air above him was filled with flitting arrows.
Moaning in terror, Mortise gave up hope of escape and simply clutched
the earth for dear life. Another fireball exploded, and another; the air was filled with
smoke now. Fortunately, it had been a wet spring; Mortise didn't think the maizefield
would burn, not yet, anyway.
The cavalry thundered past; one horse missed stepping on him by inches.
And then there were screams and confusion amid the smoke, the thunderous charge becoming
hesitant, breaking up under fire; and then horses galloped back, not far distant, several
with empty saddles.
Things were quieter momentarily; the quietness only made the screams of
the wounded more piercing.
A silver shadow drifted to a halt before Mortise; the cleric looked up
and saw a beast that stood at least twenty hands, silver pelt marred by soot from the
fires, eyes reddened with anger and fear, horn a deeper red with the blood of men. The
unicorn sniffed Mortise for a moment, but forbore to kill him. It drifted on, as silent as
the wind.
Mortise gasped thanks to Deeset; his connection to the goddess-a deity
beloved of elves as well as men-was the only reason he could conceive for the unicorn to
spare him.
There were several more explosions; the smoke became denser. Crashing
noises could be heard through the stalks of maize. A pair of boots passed by him.
The foot was advancing, he realized, under cover of the smoke. They had
broken their tight formation and moved forward individually, to make them less vulnerable
to archers. No doubt they'd regroup at the forest edge.
In moments, he heard the clangs of steel. Then Mortise felt magic
energy discharge-and the very stalks of maize that had sheltered him until now bent down
and began to rip at his flesh.
Screams from the wood told him that the soldiers were similarly beset.
Quietly and grimly, Mortise used his sickle to cut himself free from the maize.
As quickly as it had come, the spell passed. The sounds of battle
continued now, amid the roar of the fire; orange flames licked the sky. They were burning
the trees, he realized; a fire mage was with von Grentz, and they were destroying the
elves' only haven.
Wet spring or no, the whole valley would soon be in flames.
He dared a peek. The trees were a mass of struggling men, horses, and
elves. Von Grentz himself, wielding an enormous sword, strove against the unicorn.
Mortise turned; the ridge behind was empty. The army had passed.
He leapt to his feet and hurtled away.
Feet whirled. Music played. Sidney danced.
Time passed, unreckoned time. So must time be to abeast, which has no
way of measuring it, which has no appointments and no intentions beyond the next meal.
Time passed; and it didn't seem to matter how long a time.
It didn't seem to matter. Only the music, the dance, the beautiful
creatures, both natural and magical; about her; only these things mattered.
Sidney collided with Frer Mortise. She had never stumbled or collided
with anyone before, in all that long time. Mortise was standing stock-still, not far from
the rock at the center of the glade, staring straight upward, upward at the moon.
It was a full moon.
Some remote corner of Sidney's mind noted the fact, but failed to
recollect that the moon had been a crescent when they had gone to sleep. It didn't seem to
matter. Hesitantly, she resumed the dance, mad music swirling about her.
"Lady Deeset!" shouted a high and reedy voice. "Hear
me!" And stock-still within the circle, a motionless point within exuberant motion,
Frer Mortise began a prayer, his eyes upward to his goddess.
His words cut through the music like a knife. The dancers turned toward
him, steps slowing, until they stood unsteadily still.
One by one, the players stopped playing, music dying, turning sour,
like a bagpipe blatting as its bag empties. The moon seemed somehow to have grown until it
covered half the sky. Though each of the humans stood at a different point within the
glade, each of them saw the same thing: the figure of Mortise, silhouetted against an
enormous lunar orb. The priest looked angry and stern, shouting the words of his prayer.
A raccoon scurried away into the forest. The goatlegged man gave a
wordless snarl, leapt off the rock-and never hit ground, disappearing in midleap. As the
humans came groggily to, they looked about the glade-but the fays were gone.
The moon was back in its accustomed place, its accustomed size, but a
full moon still. Mortise was kneeling now, chanting another prayer, this one in thanks to
his goddess.
Sidney fell to the earth, overcome by fatigue, legs trembling
uncontrollably. So did the others, sprawling across the glade.
"Good heavens," said Timaeus, chest heaving with exhaustion.
"What was that?"
"You slept in a faerie ring," said Mortise, moving from form
to form to make sure they were alive. To each he handed a flagon of water.
Sidney looked about the glade; it was nearly circular, in truth, but
there were no toadstools, no standing stones to mark it as such.
What there was gave her a start: On easels about the glade stood
parchments, stretched across triangular and hexagonal frames. On each parchment were
painted mystic symbols. At four points around the circle the compass directions, she
realized-stood braziers, from which wafted scented smoke.
"What are those?" she asked, pointing.
Mortise looked. "It was no small enchantment," he said
apologetically. "It took effort and preparation to break it."
"We should have listened to you," said Jasper. "You did
feel uneasy about this place, didn't you?"
"Yes," said Mortise. He handed each of them a stick of jerky.
As he handed one to her, Sidney realized the intensity of her hunger.
" `I could have danced all night' takes on a new meaning,"
said Nick tiredly.
"Ow law i ee," Sidney said, then swallowed, the jerky only
half masticated, and tried again. "How long did we dance?"
"Eleven days," said Mortise.
There were muttered oaths and exclamations, then silence as they
chewed.
"Thank you, Brother," said Jasper at last. "We owe you a
great deal."
Mortise coughed. "You'll need rest," he said. "I know
you're all tired, but I'll have to ask you to move out of the ring. Crawl, if you have
to."
And they did.
The morning was as pretty a day as one could hope for; clear skies,
bright sun, gentle breezes. Sidney itched to go, but Mortise insisted they spend a day
resting. "You've got eleven days' eating to catch up on," he said, flipping a
cornmeal flapjack in a skillet over the fire. When it was done, he gave it to Sidney, hot
out of the pan. She managed to choke it down with stream water. They had neither syrup nor
sugar among their supplies.
"What I don't understand," said Jasper thoughtfully, "is
why."
"Vhy vhat?" asked Kraki.
"Why did this happen?" asked Jasper. "I've heard the
stories about faerie circles, of course; but in the stories, the fays always have some
good reason to hate their victims. But what have we done to the fays? Or the elvenkind? Or
the denizens of the woods? Apart from killing a few squirrels, I mean."
Mortise nodded. "They normally avoid humans," he said.
"They wanted to kill or delay us. I couldn't say why."
A shiver ran down Sidney's spine. Certainly some creatures wanted them
dead, or delayed; Arst-Kara-Morn might well know of their quest. But the fays were allies
of the elvenkind, and therefore of humanity, in the war against the east; there was no
sense in it. They should have wished the humans well, if anything. ,
"Eleven days," she said. "Broderick could be anywhere!
We have no idea what happened to the statue. It could be"
"Well," said Mortise deferentially, "not no idea."
"What?" said Sidney.
So he told them.
"Elves?" said Jasper.
"Yes," said Mortise.
"Why elves?" asked Jasper.
"Who knows?" said Timaeus shortly. "What does it matter,
anyway? It sounds like this von Grentz fellow has it, anyway."
"That old man with the elves must have been Vic," said Nick.
"But vhy did he-are the elves good guys?" said Kraki.
"What is Vic"
"Who knows?" said Timaeus. "The ways of senility are
unaccountable."
"We've got to get going," said Sidney.
"Tomorrow," said Mortise firmly.
Toward the evening, Jasper essayed a spell. Sidney watched as he spoke
Words of power, spiraled upward into the air in a complex dance-those dirty socks waving
in the air below himand hung there, over the camp, moving slightly this way and
that. "Damn," he said at last.
"What is it?" asked Sidney; Jasper zipped down to her level.
Timaeus listened in, filling his pipe, while the others busied themselves, packing away
belongings and washing the dirty dishes at the stream.
"I'm not sure I can say," said Jasper uncertainly.
"Broderick ... Something has changed."
"Yes," said Sidney. "He's escaped from the elves and
gone off with von Grentz and the statue. Is he off in the same direction as before?
East-southeast?"
"Yes," said Jasper, "the same direction Frer Mortise
traveled. But that's not what bothers me."
"What does?" asked Timaeus.
Jasper sighed. "Something has changed. Something has happened to
Broderick. I sense him still, but the character of the sensation has changed."
"Changed how?" asked Sidney.
"I'm not sure," said Jasper. "But it feels like
something has happened."
"Like what?" demanded Sidney.
"My dear, if I knew, would I not say?" said Jasper irritably.
"Maybe he's found religion. Maybe he's been magically transformed into a newt. Maybe
he'show should I know? The sensation is different, that is all. We'll just have to
go and see."
Sidney went to sleep fretting over the morrowbut, surprisingly,
slept like a log. Exhaustion will do that to you, she muzzily supposed as she dropped off.
III.
Pablo von Kremnitz crept down the dusty passage, the glowing opal on
his finger his only light. One side of the narrow corridor was brick, the other lath and
plaster, the footing uncertain on unboarded joists. The Maiorkest was riddled with such
passages, with secret doors and accessways, with spy-holes and traps. His Epee was out,
probing uncertainly at the dimness before him.
Not far away, a thin line of light shone across the corridor, visible
by the motes of dust that passed through the beam. It came from a spy-hole, drilled
through the wall, a hole permitting surveillance of one of the Maiorkest's many chambers.
Von Kremnitz had passed many such holes; he went to this one, as he had to others, and
pressed an eye to it. Here, between the walls, it was difficult to get one's bearings; he
hoped the sight of the room beyond the hole might tell him where he was. He should be near
the Dandolo Room, if the gods were with him and he had not made a wrong turning, but
Yes, excellent! Through the hole, he caught a glimpse of an armchair
and, beyond it, a stained-glass window, bright with afternoon light. Only three rooms in
the Maiorkest had stained-glass windows, and the Dandolo Room, where the Lord Mayor made
his office, was one of them.
His hand ran over the wall, searching for the control of a secret door.
If this was indeed the Dandolo Room, there should be one nearby. He felt rough wood,
bulbous protrusions where wet plaster had oozed through the laths before solidifying,
layers of dust
There was a clatter. Von Kremnitz froze. The plaster was old, and
decayed; he had knocked some of it loose, sending it rattling down the wall and into the
space between the joists. Cursing under his breath, von Kremnitz peered through the
peephole again, hoping he had not alerted anyone within the room.
A voice, heavy with drink, came muffled to his ears. "Cockroaches
in the walls," it said; the speaker must be talking fairly loudly. "They told me
there were cockroaches in the walls, in the Maiorkest; an intelligent man might reason
that where there are cockroaches, there may be assassins. Come forth, blackguard. These
old fingers may not be as dextrous with a blade as once they were, but I shall endeavor to
give a good account of myself."
At last, von Kremnitz's fingers found the brass fitting that controlled
the secret door, but he hesitated to work it now. Coming to a decision, he sheathed his
epйe before pulling the lever and pushing back the section of wall on its hinges.
Von Kremnitz took two steps within the Dandolo Room and knelt on the
rich Nokhena carpet within. Head down, he said, "My lord, I come not to slay but to
rescue you."
"What have we here?" that thick voice said, no longer muffled
by the thickness of the walls. "I believe I detect the odor of the provincial. I have
no need of rescue, lad; at least, there is nothing from which I can be
rescued."
Von Kremnitz dared a look upward; the Lord Mayor stood before him, a
snifter of brandy in one hand and a rapier in the other. The rapier drooped, no longer at
guard, but not sheathed either. Hamish Siebert was much as von Kremnitz had imagined him,
from glimpses afar, from engravings: a jowly man, with something of the air of a basset
hound and an expression of, somehow, mixed jollity and combativeness. Von Kremnitz had not
expected to find him half sloshed; the redness in his cheeks was surely neither
embarrassment, nor an excess of sun, nor the consequence of vigorous exercise.
"My lord," he said, "I am a leftenant of your Foot
Guard. While on private business, I learned of a conspiracy against your life, against
the, the Hamsterian state. Believing my own superiors compromised, I"
"Let's see," said Siebert. "The Guelphards? The
Smalkaldians? Fenian's little group? The Mattmark separatists? The Accommodationists? Or
the Hauliers' Guild?"
"Thethe gens von Krautz, my lord."
"Oh, yes, Julio von Krautz, bit of an ass, that man. I shouldn't
worry too much about him, if I were you, lad. Old Julio has all the political nous of
a particularly unintelligent rabbit. I count eleven known conspiracies against my life, as
of this morning, and I don't think we even bothered to include old Krautz, since he's got
about as much chance of bringing. something off as Stantius the Third has of returning
from the grave."
Blushing, von Kremnitz rose to his feet. "It seems I have been a
fool," he said. "Forgive my temerity, my lord; I shall depart immediately."
"No, no, by no means," said Siebert. "Take a seat, my
boy." He waved his snifter toward one of the armchairs and, with the motion,
apparently realized anew the existence of its contents. He tilted it back, drained it, and
madetoward the sideboard. "Join me, won't you? Brandy? Sherry? Or we have an
excellent Moothlayan single-malt."
"My lord," said von Kremnitz. "I feel quite the idiot.
Please permit me to retire shamefaced to my"
"Oh, shut up," said Siebert. "Since you won't choose,
you shall have the brandy. Here you go." He handed von Kremnitz a snifter practically
brimful of the powerful liquor. Von Kremnitz took a gulp of the burning stuff, unsure what
else to do.
"Are you any good with that blade of yours?" asked Siebert.
Von Kremnitz cleared his throat. "Yes," he said uncertainly.
" `Yes'?" said Siebert. "That's it? `Yes'? No boasting
of your prowess, the many fine swordsmen you have bested? No falsely modest declarations
of `some slight expertise'? Merely `Yes'?"
"What would you have, my lord?" asked von Kremnitz miserably.
"I have been in the city mere weeks; I am accounted the finest swordsman in
Meersteinmetz, but the finest swordsman in Meersteinmetz may be a mere fumbling
provincial, by the standards of the city."
Siebert snorted. "How many weeks have you been here?"
"Three, my lord."
"And in that time, how many duels have you fought?"
"Sixteen, my lord."
Siebert, in the process of sipping his brandy, snorted, then coughed
for long moments, trying to clear his nose of the liquor. "Sixteen? Ye gods, you must
wear your honor on your sleeve."
"I shall not see the name of my lord, my city, nor my regiment
insulted," von Kremnitz said stiffly.
Siebert laughed long and loud. "I see," he said at last,
wiping eyes with a lace handkerchief. "Sixteen duels are explained. I imagine it's
difficult to walk down the street without hearing someone condemning that wild-eyed
radical, the Lord Mayor. If you wish to avoid further contests at arms, I advise you to
remain in your barracks. Or frequent the dives of the proletariat; I may be well liked
there. Tell me; of the sixteen, what was the disposition?"
"I slew two men; six were sufficiently wounded as to require
medical attention. The remaining eight were satisfied with first blood."
"They were satisfied with first blood? I see no healing wounds
upon you."
"I beg your pardon, my lord. I was satisfied with first blood,
when they withdrew their vile slanders."
"I see," said Siebert thoughtfully. "I believe I may
have use for a young man of your abilities and, um, steadfast loyalty."
Von Kremnitz sat up straighter in his chair. "My lord," he
said. "I shall do what I may."
"Excellent," said Siebert. "There are few men of whom I
can rely; another is always welcome."
"My lord!" protested von Kremnitz. "Surely the men of
your regiment, the ministers of state"
"Surely," said Siebert mockingly. "Let us have less
modesty about the abilities of swordsmen from the provinces, and rather more about their
appreciation of political realities. Hamsterburg is a sewer; I am appointed to muck it
out; and the rats do not appreciate the attention."
"My lord"
"Be quiet. You claim to be concerned at plots to my life; rest at
ease. Why worry about the inevitable? I estimate my life span at eight months, at the
outside. Oh, I try to keep on top of the various conspiraciesthe Ministry of
Internal Serenity has been suspiciously supportive, but I can't trust Minister Stantz even
as far as I can throw him, which is probably a distance measurable only with calipers, as
you'll appreciate if you ever meet the man. But there are just too many, you know. I'm
seventy-two if I'ma day, I have periodic gout, I have no political following to speak of,
and the Hundred Gentes elected me only as a placeholder, because they were too
quarrelsome to settle on someone with any more political clout. I know I'm a dead man, and
my only ambition is to gore as many oxen as I may before some lunatic settles my hash. To
mix a metaphor. Drink your damned brandy, my boy."
"Yes, my lord," said von Kremnitz, who, round-eyed, had been
neglecting his drink. He choked on another hasty mouthful.
"What is your name, by the way?" asked Siebert.
"Pablo von Kremnitz, my lord."
"Noble, eh?"
"Third son of a knight, my lord."
"Pity," said Siebert. "See here, you know the Graf von
Grentz?"
"Socially? No, I"
"Socially?" snorted Siebert. "My good man, I don't
imagine you travel in such circles. You've heard of him, yes?"
"Of course, my lord; an Accommodationist, is he not?"
"Yes, quite. Actually, Gerlad von Grentz virtually rules the Accommodationist party.
I don't imagine he really thinks we can bargain with Arst-Kara-Morn, somehow keep the orcs
from our gates with diplomacy; but neither the military nobilization nor the taxes it
requires is particularly popular, and questioning the need for them is good political
theater. Very bad policy, to be sure, but good politics, if you follow the distinction.
"He's up to some damn thingwell, that goes without saying,
doesn't it? Everybody's up to something, in this lunatic city. Thankfully, Minister Stantz
keeps pretty good tabs on what most people are up to, but neither he nor I have much of a
take on von Grentz. You see, he's off in the provinces."
"My lord?"
"Doesn't seem so odd to a provincial? Hamsterburg is astorm, lad,
half the town trying to kill me, the other half maneuvering to gain power after my death,
some portion of them hoping to thwart, or benefit by, or modify the reforms I am imposing.
Gerlad von Grentz is not a man to vacate the city at a vital political juncture; no, he
should be here, pulling strings with as much abandon as any of them. Instead, he retires
to his ancestral castle near some dusty little village called Weintroockle. Make a plonk
of some kind out there, I understand."
"What has this to do with me, my lord?" asked von Kremnitz.
"Patience, lad. Word has reached my earby way of Stantz,
incidentally, meaning I can't trust the information-that a pitched battle was fought near
Weintroockle in the last fortnight, between von Grentz's household troops andnobody
seems to know. Von Grentz is up to something, you see; something is going on out there in
Weintroockle, and I need to know what. You are a naпf; nobody knows who you are; you're a
provincial, so nobody will take you seriously; and you seem quite capable with that blade
of yours. Go to Weintroockle, poke around, come back. I'll give you a safe passage, for
what it's worth-the gods only know how many Hamsterian citizens are likely to respect this
Lord Mayor's laissezpassebut use it only as a last resort. Will you do
it?"
"My lord has only to command," said von Kremnitz, springing
to his feet and to attention.
"Oh, don't be an idiot,", said Siebert. "You're probably
walking into a deathtrap-although, come to think of it, judging by the frequency
with which you duel, walking into a deathtrap may improve your life expectancy. I shan't
order you to do anything: It's quite one thing for me to throw my life away on whimsical
quixotry, it's quite another for me to ask a young man, with years of sexual potency and
any number of flagons of wine ahead of him, todo likewise. I'm asking you to go, but I
positively refuse to order it; some scant salve for a much-decaying conscience."
"I shall depart on the instant," said von Kremnitz.
"Righto," said Siebert. He moved to his desk, picked up a
quill, and scratched something onto a piece of parchment. "Off you go then."
"I shall not fail you, my lord," said von Kremnitz, kneeling
to kiss Siebert's ring.
"Oh, bloody hell, enough of that," said Siebert. "Au
revoir, bon voyage, the hopes of the city ride with you, and so forth and so on."
He folded the parchment, tucked it in von Kremnitz's belt, and pointed the young man
toward the secret door. As von Kremnitz crawled into the passage, he felt a resounding
slap on his buttock.
Hamish Siebert, Lord Mayor of Hamsterburg, sat at the head of the
table, leaning well back, his elbows, on the arms of his chair, fingers steepled before
him. He waited patiently, a slight smile on his jowly face, as his ministers drifted in.
As always, the cabinet met in the Octagon Chamber, deep within the
Maiorkest. Stone walls rose to high windows. Though it was spring, a fire roared in the
great hearth; this pile of stones retained the chill of winter well into the hottest days
of summer, and for now, it was still rather cold.
Siebert studied the portraits that ran around the perimeter of the
room. They depicted mayors past, unsmiling men and women leaning outward from the walls,
the frames angled down for better viewing, imposing a sense that these grim potentates
regarded the doings of their successors with stern and censorious eyes.
He looked about the table. Yes, they were all here, all but one,
studying each other discreetly, no warmth among them. In happier times, they might have
passed the time with pleasantries; but in these strained circumstances, with half the city
maneuvering for power, conversation was impossible.
Siebert envied the rulers of other states, who might choose their own
advisors; his cabinet had been foisted on him by the Hundred Gentes, the great
families that ruled Hamsterburg, that had elected him mayor in the mistaken belief that he
would be a comfortable nonentity. The foreign minister was an Accommodationist, the
minister of public works a Smalkaldian, the minister of the Arsenal of the Bleinmetz gens.
Even that fool Julio von Krautz had his own little piece of the pie, the Department of
Drains and Water Supply. In fact, the fat little turd was seated just to Siebert's left,
looking as if he were sucking on lemons.
Every faction had its own little piece of the action, its own access to
the public purse. That was precisely what Siebert hoped to end.
They were all here but Stantz. Siebert pursed his lips. Stantz's
lateness might be a calculated insult, or perhaps merely a way of demonstrating his
importance; they could not start without him. Rather, Siebert would not start
without him; Stantz was virtually his only ally, however untrustworthy an ally he might
be. It was hard to trust a man whose files contained evidence of innumerable
indiscretions, whose spies were everywhere, who was known to the general public, in hushed
whispers, as "The Spider." It was not a reference to his physiognomy.
Siebert frowned irritably and opened his mouth; there was a limit to
the length of time he would willingly wait. At that very moment, however, the great doors
creaked open at last.
"His Excellency, Guismundo Stantz, Minister of Internal
Serenity," announced the footman.
Stantz stood between the two splayed doors, a cane in each hand. He
needed two, to support his bulk. Attendantshad helped him this far, but now they stood
respectfully back.
Painfully, advancing both canes before levering his body behind them,
he progressed into the room. He moved with elephantine slowness. "Elephantine"
was an apt word; he was three hundred, possibly four hundred pounds.
"I beg your pardon for my tardiness, my lord," said Stantz,
in a curiously sweet voice for such a man. "I was delayed en route."
"Confound it, Minister," said Siebert. "We've important
matters to discuss."
"Yes, my lord," said Stantz, in his melodic voice. He was
halfway to his seat now.
Siebert sighed. "My Lord Privy Purse," he said,
"commence, if you will."
Lord Mannheim went to the sideboard. A jeroboam of single-malt stood
there: the Isle of Alban, the preferred tipple, so it was said, of Mayor Albertus, the
Republic's founder. It was served from the same decanter at the inception of every cabinet
meeting.
Mannheim went to each place in turn, pouring a careful two forgers into
each tumbler. They would all drink from the same bottle. Just as every Hamsterian citizen
drank from the wellspring of the city's life, just as each thrived or suffered with the
state, so every minister drank from the same potation. If it was poisoned, they all would
die. It had happened more than once in the history of the Republic.
Mistrustful glances were exchanged across the table. Several sniffed
their tumblers.
To Siebert's mind, the serving of the Alban stood as a salutary
reminder that the cabinet's business was not individual ambition but the Serene Republic's
health. There were all too few such reminders.
No one drank, just yet.
Stantz came finally to his chair and managed, somehow, to squeeze his
bulk between the arms. He put his canes together, leaned them against the table, and took
his tumbler. All eyes were on him as he tossed the whisky back.
One could almost hear a sigh pass around the table. Other ministers
reached out for their own glasses and sipped or gulped the whisky, whatever was their
normal practice.
Stantz had the best spies in Hamsterburg. If he thought the malt was
unpoisoned, the odds were that he was right.
The Lord Mayor reached for his own glass and saw that Julio von Krautz
had taken it-the two glasses had been close to each other on the table. Siebert gave von
Krautz a stare, and reached over to take the minister's glass.
The Lord Mayor took a sip or two of the whisky intended for von Krautz.
"Now then," he began roughly. "I have here a proposal to open bidding on
public contracts."
A ripple of astonishment went around the table.
"The proposal applies to all public works, but will affect most
immediately the collection of trash. Hauliers and private citizens may bid on the contract
to collect refuse from individual parishes of the city; bids will be open to public
review, and"
"My lord!" shouted von Krautz, leaping to his feet.
"This, this is insane!"
"How so?" demanded Siebert coolly, leaning back in his chair.
"For centuries, the guiding gens of each parish has
controlled the collection of trash in its own demesne; the ancient firms that perform the
work have intimate ties to"
"Precisely," said Siebert. "It has become a sinecure, a
source of patronage for the gentes, to the detriment of public hygiene and at great
public expense. By casting collection open to public"
"Again you attack the very roots of the state!" shouted von
Krautz. "Will you not cease, before you destroy all the traditions of our city,
reduce us to servility beforebefore" He was red-faced now, apparently too
enraged to speak further.
"I am gratified to know," said Siebert dryly, "that the
very roots of the state lie in garbage. My lordmy lord, are you all right?"
Von Krautz was pressing his midriff, as if he had gas pains. Or a
painful ulcer, perhaps. "It is nothing," he said hoarsely, stiffening his spine.
"One by one, you deprive the gentes of our privileges; one by one, you attack
our ancient traditions; one by one youhunnnh."
Von Krautz stood now with both hands flat on the table, staring
downward at a pad of paper, a quill, an inkpot, all on polished wood.
He made a curious sound.
He vomited -blood. Not a little splashed into Siebert's lap.
Julio von Krautz collapsed onto the table.
Siebert looked at the glass in his hand: He held von Krautz's tumbler.
He looked at the glass, now stained with blood, that stood just by von Krautz's left
temple: That glass had been meant for him.
Siebert's eyes went instantly to those of Guismundo Stantz. Stantz's
piggish eyes were staring back.
There were shocked faces, hooded eyes all about the table.
Someone had meant to kill him, Siebert knew. Someone had meant to kill
him. Who?
Eleven conspiracies, by this morning's count. And yet
"This meeting is at an end," Siebert announced, his voice a
little shaken. "We shall take up this matter another time. Minister Stantz, I shall
expect an immediate investigation."
"Of course, my lord," said Stantz, levering himself painfully
to his feet.
They had all drunk from the Alban, every one of them. Yet only von
Krautz had died, one man out of all of them. How was that possible? Who could have managed
it?
Siebert's eyes followed Stantz, those canes moving slowly forward,
those heavy limbs behind.
Who else but Stantz, the Spider, assassin?
IV.
Guismundo Stantz wheezed painfully, collapsed in the chair behind his
great, semicircular desk. Sweat rolled off him in rivulets, lungs labored in desperation.
It was long moments before he regained control.
He had rushed back from the Maiorkest, back here to the Albertine
Lodge, the headquarters of Internal Serenity. He had ordered his coachman to whip the
horses on, bracing himself against the inevitable jostling, and had practically trotted
through the halls. Now he was paying the price. He wiped his face with a lace-trimmed
handkerchief until it was sodden.
He loathed those meetings in the Maiorkest; given the option, he'd
never leave this room. Here, in his office, he had everything.
He had light. There were no windows, to be sure; windows admitted
light, but also, on occasion, spies and assassins. Instead, light shone from a shaft above
his desk, delivered to the enclosed room from the building's roof bya complex series of
mirrors and lenses. A contraption hung from the ceiling; from a lens at one end, intense
light shone out, illuminating the papers on Stantz's desksunlight, directed by levers and
pulleys wherever Stantz needed illumination.
He had information. He had speaking tubes to reach subordinates, a
newscrystal to keep up to date, scrying globes for magical contact; here he was the Spider
indeed, sitting amid his web, spies and sources extending off across the lands of
Hamsterburg and beyond. He was alert to every twinge of the web, every jerk that meant a
development in the politics of the Republic or the relationship of the powers, alert and
ready to scurry, to the advantage of the city.
And he had food and drink. An enormous wheel of Stralitzer sat on the
end table, along with a cheese knife and an array of crackers; by it stood an ewer of
water and a bottle of syrup of greepStantz was partial to greep sodas. And if he
desired anything more, the ministry boasted an excellent kitchen, staffed every hour of
the day or night, its chef accessible by one of the hinged brass speaking tubes that hung
above Stantz's desk.
Lord mayors and grand dukes came and went, but the state went on. And
Stantz was a loyal servant of the state. His goal was simple: the aggrandizement of his
native city, for which he felt a fierce emotion, one of the few emotions remaining to him.
For Hamsterburg, he was prepared to do any deed. Assassination included, to be sure.
Not, however, this time. Siebert was a fool; but war was coming, and
Siebert was taking the necessary steps to prepare for war. Stantz had no desire to see him
dead, especially since there would be internecine struggle over the succession, struggle
that might well break out into civil war.
In fact, Stantz considered, the method of von Krautz's assassination
was carefully calculated to cast suspicion on-on Guismundo Stantz. The pouring of the
Alban was part of Hamsterian legend; the whole cabinet dies, or none. To engineer the
death of a single member was audacious, clever; and Stantz had a reputation for audacity
and cleverness. No doubt the whole cabinet believed he had killed von Krautz, had meant to
kill Siebert.
As, no doubt, did Siebert. It would be difficult to repair relations,
Stantz reflected.
Who might want Stantz discredited, almost more than he wanted Siebert
dead?
"Anyone who seeks absolute power," Stantz whispered to
himself. Absolute power would necessitate the removal of Stantz; the Lord Mayor might be
the power of the state de jure, but Stantz had long since become the most powerful
man of the urbs de facto.
Stantz sat for a long time, eyes moving to the newscrystal, the sound
currently low, where the image of a tiny demon sat, reading stories in a bored monotone.
Stantz had not killed von Krautz.
It didn't bother him that von Krautz had died; assassination was a
commonplace in the politics of Hamsterburg.
What bothered Stantz was this: He didn't know who had killed von
Krautz.
That was a shocking failure. He should have known. It was his business
to know. In the building above him, Records had files on every nobleman, every merchant,
and every thief in the Republic. An army of paid informants blanketed Hamsterburg; he knew
every faction, every gens, every cabal, knew their names and their ambitions. He
knew what three dozen different groups were plotting, knew of eleven plots against
Siebert's lifeand knew that none was within weeks of fruition.
Something was up. Stantz wanted to know what.
Stantz needed to know. Knowledge was his existence. It was
almost a physical need.
He pulled down a speaking tube and bellowed, "Bleichroder! Get me
Wolfe."
And then he picked up the cheese knife and set to work on the
Stralitzer.
"What," said the shadow. It was more of a statement than a
question.
Stantz started, the flesh of his upper arm jiggling. He swallowed a
mouthful of cheese.
Wolfe occupied the armchair across the desk. Stantz hadn't seen her
come in, nor the door open. He barely saw her now, her dark gray clothes blending into the
shadows of the chair's depths.
"I wish you wouldn't do that, Ren," he said mildly. Not for
the first time, it occurred to him that she was the greatest hole in his security;
suborned or alienated, she could kill him far more easily than anyone else. The thought
bothered him, but he put it aside. She was loyal, she was well paid, she was
indispensable.
Wolfe merely shrugged.
"Julio von Krautz has been killed," Stantz said.
"Accidentally; the Lord Mayor was the target."
"All over town," said Wolfe. "Word is, you did it."
"Not I," said Stantz.
"Didn't think so," said Wolfe. "I' d've known."
Stantz nodded. "I need to know who did."
Wolfe looked interested at that, leaning forward so that her scarred
face was visible in the light from the ceiling. "You don't know?"
"No," said Stantz, frowning. "That bothers me."
"Me too," said Wolfe, leaning back. "Know how it was
done?"
"Yes," said Stantz. "Trivial."
Wolfe leaned forward again; she was actually smiling this time.
"Word is," she said, "whisky was poisoned, whole cabinet drank whisky, but
only von Krautz died. Word is, impossible hit. Word is, assassin was a genius. Word is,
must have been you."
"Impossible hit my ass," said Stantz.
"Large ass," observed Wolfe.
"Thank you kindly," said Stantz, slightly annoyed.
"There are at least three ways von Krautz could have been poisoned. The most likely
is the simplest: There was a water- or alcohol-soluble poison in the bottom of his glass.
Easy enough to accomplish, with a bribe or two to the Maiorkest kitchen staff. Only one
glass was poisoned; only one man died."
Wolfe nodded. "I'll work on it."
"Do, Ren," said Stantz seriously. "When you find
something, I want to hear-instantly. Any hour of the day or night."
"Fine," said Wolfe faintly.
Stantz blinked; the armchair was empty. He hadn't seen Wolfe go.
"Wow," said the boy enthusiastically. "You have your
wild sex orgies down here?" He bounded down the dank steps with enthusiasm. Maybe
"boy" was a little unfair, thought Wolfe; he probably considered himself a man.
Still, whatever his age, his apparent level of intellectual and emotional maturity made it
absurd to think of him as an adult.
"Sure," said Wolfe. "This way."
The stairs ended in a large chamber, lit by flickering torches. Moss
covered the stones of the walls; water trickled down the center of the room. Against one
wall was an open furnace; around it were tables, fitted with manacles, chains, and blood
runnels. More chains and manacles hung from the walls.
"Gosh," said the boy, picking up a bullwhip and examining it.
"This is, like, maybe a little too kinky for me. So where are the girls, huh?"
Wolfe grabbed his wrist and locked a manacle about it.
"Sorry," she said. "Aren't any."
"Hey!" said the boy. "Let me out, okay? I mean, a joke
is a joke, but"
"Fenstermann!" shouted Wolfe. "Where the hell are
you?"
"Coming, coming," said a tired bass voice from down the hall
at the far end of the room. Footfalls sounded, and flickering torchlight moved up the
corridor as Fenstermann neared the chamber.
"Who's Fenstermann?" asked the boy.
"The torturer," said Wolfe.
"Oh, mama," said the boy. "Look, I was looking for some
action, sure, but this kind of thing"
"It was a ruse, you moron," snapped Wolfe. "There are no
girls, no wild sex, none of that crap. I could have coshed you and carried you here, but
it was easier to feed you a line of guff."
Fenstermann entered the chamber, bearing a torch. He was bare to the
waist, wearing a domino mask and tight pants. His arms looked like the Platonic ideal of
the notion of "mighty thews." He looked like he could rip the fangs out of a
tyger's mouth with bare hands.
"Oh, gods," he complained, "not another one,
Wolfe."
"Sorry, Fenstermann," said Wolfe. "This guy's on the
Maiorkest kitchen staff. He may know something about the von Krautz assassination."
"All right, all right," said Fenstermann morosely. He took
some pincers, some large knives, and some odd contraptions with big spikes and serrated
edges, and stuck them into the furnace. "Look, suppose we accept as a given that ends
can justify means. The question arises: Which ends and what means? Torture"
"Shut up, Fenstermann," said Wolfe impatiently. "Just do
the job."
"Look, I'll talk, okay?" said the boy. "Peter piper
picked a peck of pickled peppers. Once I met a lass, a bonny bonny lass-I'm talking, see?
I'll say anything you want, only please don't "
Fenstermann turned toward him, holding a long piece of metal with
something on the end that glowed red in the dimness of the dungeon. The boy moaned,
staring at it like a terrified bird.
"Fine. You set the table in the Octagon Chamber before the cabinet
meeting?" asked Wolfe.
"Yeah, that's right," said the boy.
"Von Krautz's glass was poisoned. You do it?"
"Me? Uh, no, no, I didn'tcouldn't possiblyI
mean"
"Brand 'im, Fenstermann."
"Your karma, Wolfe," said Fenstermann, waving the branding
iron, which was glowing now a duller red. "You really want to spend your next
reincarnation as a dung beetle?"
"Just do the job, dammit, Fenstermann," said Wolfe.
"Everybody's a goddamn philosopher. I don't ask you to enjoy sticking red-hot
needles into people's eyeballs, I just ask you to do it. Now stop whining, for gods'
sake."
Fenstermann shrugged. "Sorry," he said to the boy, and probed
gingerly toward a leg with the iron.
"Yeah, I poisoned the glass! I did it! I admit it! Okay? Stop it!
Only I didn't know it was poison. And it was supposed to be for the Lord Mayor, not for
Baron von Krautz."
Wolfe raised an eyebrow. "Tell me about it," she suggested.
"This guy, Siggy Hoffmann, he paid me to do it. Gave me a vial of
this transparent crystal stuff, told me to put like a quarter teaspoon in the bottom of
the mayor's glass. Said he'd kill me if I ever told." The boy's burst of speech ended
on a depressed tone.
"How much he pay you?" asked Wolfe.
"Ten shillings," said the boy, subdued.
"Ten shillings?" said Wolfe, astonished. "You agreed to
assassinate the ruler of the most powerful state in the human lands for less than a
quid?"
"Hey, I didn't know it was poison. And anyway, it didn't kill him,
it got von"
"Somebody tells you to put a mysterious substance in the Lord
Mayor's drink, and it doesn't occur to you that maybe, just maybe, the stuff isn't going
to be good for his health?"
"Well, geez, it occurred to me, but, well, I needed the pelf, see,
cause this girl"
"Spare me," said Wolfe.
They were silent for a while. Fenstermann was smiling, pleased that he
wouldn't have to torture the lad after all.
"Well," said Wolfe at last, "we won't give Siggy
Hoffmann the chance to kill you."
"Oh, thank you, thank you," said the boy. "I'll do
anything"
Wolfe turned to Fenstermann. "See what the Szanbu cultists'll pay
for him," she said. "One of their holy days is coming up soon; they'll need
sacrificial victims."
Fenstermann lost his smile. "Yes, ma'am," he said
reluctantly.
The boy began to wail.
A whale lay sprawled on the enormous circular bed, its bulk covered
only by a blanket. It blew, with a noise like a fireball's explosion. Stantz's snore could
wake the dead, Wolfe thought, studying her sleeping employer.
It took some doing to study him; it was pitch black here-no windows, no
illumination other than a thin, meager glow through the bottom of the locked and bolted
door. She was probably one of the few folk alive who could see in such dimness.
"Guismundo," she said.
Stantz was instantly alert. He thrashed with the blanket, rolled off
the bed to smash into the floor with a wet smack, and scrabbled desperately with
something.
"Sir," she said, "I've come to"
Stantz had something in his hand. There was a burp of blue light, and
something spun across space between Stantz and Wolfe, striking her in the stomach. She was
propelled by the impact into the paneled wall. A hand went automatically to her stomach,
and felt something warm, wet, and sticky: blood.
Flashes of blue light were blasting across the room in a flurry,
smashing into the walls and furniture. By the light they emitted, Wolfe saw that Stantz
was on one elbow, sitting up, a wand of some kind in his hand. He was also quite
naked-something that hadn't been evident when Stantz had been below the blanket but that
was now quite obvious and, to Wolfe's eyes, more than a little revolting. She didn't think
she'd ever seen anyone with quite so many rolls of fat.
"Stop that, you idiot!" Wolfe shouted. "It's me!"
Stantz stopped firing the wand. "Ren?" he said, then was
silent for a moment. "Dammit, I thought I was well protected. How did you get through
the wards?"
The room was protected by magic, as well as guards and physical traps.
It had taken more than a little work to get within, but Wolfe had been happy to expend the
effort, in the service of her own reputation for infallibility. "I have my
methods," she said in an irritated tone. "You did tell me to report at any hour
of the day or night."
There were loud clicks and bangs; someone was working on the door's
locks. "What's that?" demanded Wolfe.
Stantz had got to his hands and knees and was pulling
on the bed, trying to stand erect. "The guards," he said,
grunting. "I triggered the alarm"
"Call them off," said Wolfe.
"Can't," said Stantz, finally standing up. "They're to
assume I'm being held hostage if"
The door smashed open. Men darted into the room, fanning out; in
instants, three swords were at Wolfe's throat, crossbows bristling with bolts behind the
swordsmen.
"Kill him?" grunted one of the guards. Wolfe was slightly
annoyed at that, but only slightly; she was aware she cut arather androgynous figure, and
certainly her loose-fitting gray clothes did nothing to emphasize her femininity.
"No," said Stantz, rather embarrassedly, wrapping a blanket
around his midriff. "Get us some tea. And a healer for Wolfe."
Fenstermann pushed up the manhole cover and peered down the moonlit
alley. He didn't see anyone, so he climbed back down the ladder. "Give me the ten
shillings," he told the boy.
"B-b-but ... What am I"
"Look, kid," said Fenstermann, "I have to show Wolfe
some money to prove I sold you to the Szanbuists. She'll think ten shillings is poetic
justice. Give me the money, and I'll let you go."
The boy looked hopeful for the first time in hours. He'd been terrible
company, pissing and moaning away in his cell. Only by telling himself that anger was a
mortal sin had Fenstermann avoided screaming at the lad.
"You will?" said the boy.
"Sure," said Fenstermann. "I suggest you leave
Hamsterburg at once. If Wolfe finds you alive, you won't stay that way long. If people
find out you killed von Krautz, your life isn't worth a shaven ha'penny. And if Siggy
Whatsisname finds out you ratted on him ..."
The boy's chin began to quiver again. "But where can I go?"
"Not my problem," said Fenstermann gently, unlocking the
manacles. "Just be glad I'm letting you go."
The boy handed him a small purse and scrambled up the ladder.
"Hey," Fenstermann called after him, "slide the cover
back over the hole . . ."
Running footfalls sounded, getting fainter with distance. For a moment,
Fenstermann stood staring up at the manhole and the starry sky beyond; then he climbed the
ladder himself, grabbed the manhole cover and dragged it into place, scowling all the
while at the ingratitude of the world.
Stantz was barefoot and bare-chested, if you could call the folds of
flesh sloping from shoulders to midriff a chest. While the cleric finished his spell and
taped the gauze over Wolfe's wound, Stantz poured a noxious brown syrup into a glass,
covered it with water, stirred, then spoke a brief cantrip. The water started to foam.
Stantz took a sip.
"What's that?" asked Wolfe, as the cleric packed up his
asperger and candle. Oil lamps provided a dim illumination, and a guard stood watch by the
door, ostensibly to take a message if one was necessary, but in reality, Wolfe knew, to
keep an eye on her.
"Greep spritzer," said Stantz, sitting on the bed. It creaked
under the weight. "Want one?"
"I'll pass," said Wolfe.
"Good stuff," said Stantz. "So what have you got?"
"Sigismundo Hoffmann paid a boy on the Maiorkest kitchen staff to
poison the Lord Mayor's glass."
"Are you sure?" asked Stantz, looking surprised. Wolfe
couldn't remember seeing Stantz look surprised before.
"Yes," she said with an edge in her voice. "I'm
sure."
"Sorry, Ren," said Star'-., putting his drink down and
rearranging his blanket. "Hoffmann works for Gerlad von Grentz.
Von Grentz is a cautious man. He wouldn't try to kill Siebert unless he thought he was
going to come out on top in the struggle to follow ... But why would he ... ?"
Stantz lifted a fold of flesh to scratch beneath it while he thought.
Wolfe stood gingerly up-there was a twinge, but not a bad one; the cleric had done his
work welland went to the sideboard to pour herself a brandy. It was good stuff;
Stantz did not stint himself.
"Are we sure Hoffmann was working for von Grentz?" asked
Stantz. "Someone might have turned him, or he might moonlight, if someone paid him
enough."
"You'd know better than I," said Wolfe.
"Of course," said Stantz. "I'll check the file in the
morning."
"You want me to bring Hoffmann in?"
"No, no," said Stantz, shaking his head. Wolfe was interested
to see how much of Stantz's body jiggled with the motion. "No need to tip our hand;
besides, von Grentz wouldn't have told Hoffmann anything. `Get someone on the kitchen
-staff to put some of this in the Lord Mayor's glass,' with a big sum for doing the job.
Hoffmann would know it was poison, but not why von Grentz wanted Siebert dead, or much of
anything else."
Wolfe nodded. "What do you want me to do?"
Stantz was staring at a framed portrait on the wall: a scowling woman
in dress that was several decades out of style. Wolfe guessed it might be his mother.
"Von Grentz knows something we don't," he said. "His faction is strong, but
not strong enough to force through its own candidate for the mayoralty."
"The gens von Grentz?" asked Wolfe.
"Eh? No, no. The Graf von Grentz is an Accommodationist."
Wolfe nodded.
"Von Grentz must think he has something that would clinch his
election as Lord Mayor, if Siebert were out of the way," said Stantz, standing,
lurching to his feet. "We need to know what it is."
Wolfe sighed. She didn't care, particularly, whether von Grentz was the
next mayor or not. Stantz probably didn't, either; he just couldn't stand the notion that
someone was keeping him in ignorance.
"You'll have to get into the Drachehaus," Stantz said.
Wolfe had heard the name, but couldn't place it. "Which is?"
"The von Grentz city residence," said Stantz.
"Wonderful," said Wolfe. "I'll bet their security is
tighter than a constipate's anus."
Stantz snorted. "Then you, Madame Wolfe, must prove an effective
laxative."
Wolfe blinked. "I prefer to think of myself in other terms,"
she said.
"No doubt," said Stantz. "And now, if you don't mind, I
do intend to get a few hours' sleep."
"Fine," said Wolfe. Stantz was between her and a lamp, his
shadow long on the floor before her. She stepped forward and
Stantz blinked; one moment she was there, the next not.
He nodded and went to close and bolt the door.
How had she gotten in? he wondered as he lowered himself onto the bed.
He kept the room pitch dark to eliminate even the faintest shadow. That was obviously not
enough.
It was sometimes worrisome, having so effective a leftenant.
Someone knocked on the door.
"Dammit," Stantz called into the darkness, "I'm not to
be disturbed."
"I'm sorry, sir," came a worried voice from outside;
Bleichroder, his personal secretary. "It's the elvish ambassador, and she says it's
urgent "
Stantz groaned, sat up, and reached for the blanket. It didn't look
like he'd get any more sleep tonight.
He'd need to get dressed for this one; one could hardly meet the
authorized representative of a great power with a blanket draped about one's midriff.
"Get my valet," he said, and prepared to lurch to his feet, no easy task for a
man of his bulk.
The elvish ambassador? What the devil does she want? Stantz wondered.
V.
It took them two days to travel from the faerie ring to the blasted
remnants of the trees where the elves had made their stand. They were a haggard, unkempt
crew when at last they arrived.
Charred tree trunks poked morosely up from the blackened earth. Before
them ran a line of hastily dug graves. Timaeus wandered among them, sniffing at the air,
while the others stood before the graves.
"I have no intention of digging him up, Jasper," said Sidney.
"If you say he's in that grave, I'll take your word for it."
"Look," said Nick. "You said yourself that your spell
registered some change in Broderick. Death is change, isn't it?"
Jasper said, "Yes, but how can we be sure"
"Have you ever seen a body that's been in the grave for a
week?" asked Nick.
"Well, no. Have you?" said Jasper.
"Uh, no," said Nick. "I don't want to, either. The point
is, what makes you think you'll be able to identify him if you do dig him up? Ever bought
a steak, and kept it around for a week?"
"Well" said Jasper.
"I did see him wounded," Frer Mortise pointed out. "The
wound might have been severe enough for him to die."
"And it would be awfully convenient, for this von Grentz guy,
Broderick dying," Nick said. "I think we've got evidence enough."
"If you want those bodies dug up," said Sidney irritably,
"do it yourself."
"I say, look here," said Jasper. "Wouldn't it be best to
be sure?"
"Me, I'm sure," said Nick. "I'm also tired and thirsty.
We're maybe half a mile from that hamlet we saw earlier. I bet there's an inn there-and I
bet every peasant for miles around knows what happened here, and whether Broddy bought it
or not. I bet some of them are eating lunch at that inn right now, and I bet they'd be
happy to spill their guts for a round of drinks."
"I wouldn't mind seeing Lotte again," said Frer Mortise.
"Good," said Sidney. "Let's go." She turned and led
the way toward the town.
"Yes, but -I say," said Jasper. "Look here, we ... Oh,
dash it all." He flitted after the others.
They walked through the hamlet, down the dirt roadit was little
more than a cow path, really. Nothing moved in the afternoon heat, save for far-off
peasants, toiling desultorily in their distant fields.
They stepped gratefully into the inn's cool dimness.
Lotte stood behind the bar, hammering a tap into a keg. She looked up
as they entered, pausing with hammer aloft; an expression of unease passed across her
face.
"Hoy there, madam," said Timaeus, pulling out a chair at the
first table by the door. "Ales all around, if you will."
Sidney took the trouble to survey the customers before sitting; it went
against the grain to sit in the middle of the room, as Timaeus had so unthinkingly done.
Better to have a solid wall behind your back. The inn's clientele did nothing to reassure
her; rather than the expected mixture of peasants and local lushes, there were only two
parties. One was a man sitting alone against one wall, by his mien and bearing a
well-to-do mercenary or adventurer, an epee at his belt, clad in frock coat and frilled
shirt. The other consisted of a dozen men and women, occupying two booths at the opposite
end of the room. Near them, a cluster of pole-arms leaned against the wall; several wore
sabers at belt. They were unarmored, but the utilitarian appearance of their garb and a
certain coarseness of manner led Sidney to classify them instantly as soldiers.
Sidney was glad they wore no armor; that meant they were probably not
expecting trouble. She amended that judgment; by the number of empty bottles on their two
tables, they were certainly not expecting trouble. Lotte, finishing the tap's insertion
with a few bangs of her hammer, began to fill glasses with ale.
"Travelers, quotha," said one of the soldiers, the words
slightly slurred.
"So they be," said another. "Mauro, did I not charge you
to watch the road?"
"Aye, sir," said the third, "but I was to be relieved on
the second hour, which is long past time."
"Who was Mauro's relief?"
There was silence for a moment.
"You ordered none," said a voice with a hiccup.
"Well," said the one who had questioned Mauro. A hat with a
plume sat before him, and Sidney took him for their captain. "No harm done, as they
have had the good sense to break their journey at this excellent establishment." The
captain got to his feet, stepped over his soldiers' legs with mumbled apologies on both
sides, and lurched from the booth toward the table Timaeus had taken.
"Well met, sir," said Timaeus mildly.
"That remains to be seen," said the captain, the words coming
with slight difficulty; Sidney judged he, like his subordinates, had been drinking for
hours. "May I ask where you are going and what business you have in these pas?"
Timaeus's pipe, between his teeth, rose to a slightly defiant angle
before he removed it the better to speak. "Why," he said, "we go where our
noses take us, and our business is no man's but our own."
The captain grew red; there was a stir from the booths as soldiers
began to realize they might have to rouse themselves soon. "You're going to get us
killed," Sidney warned.
"I am not accustomed to being accosted in such rude fashion by
drunken riffraff," said Timaeus.
Lotte darted in with a platter and plunked down their ales with
dispatch. As she set down Mortise's, she whispered in his ear, "They're bad ones;
best leave yarely."
"Bless you," Mortise said loudly, "and thanks for your
hospitality." He looked at that moment less like a peaceful cleric than a warrior
with the battlelight in his eye.
"Are you aware that you are in the territory of the Serene
Hamsterian Republic?" demanded the captain, one hand on the pommel of his sword.
"Are we?" said Timaeus. "Oh, good."
"You may expect, therefore," said the captain, "to be
required by the authorities of the Republic to state your business and to display your
papers."
"Pish," said Timaeus, taking a slug of his ale. "You do
not wear the badge of Hamsterburg."
And it was true; the clasp at the captain's shoulder bore a dragon
segreant, gules over argent. Hamsterburg's arms,famed across the human lands, were the
hamster statant regardant.
"True," said the captain. "We are of the Graf von
Grentz's Guisardieres; this village of Weintroockle lies within the von Grentz
demesne." He took a look over his shoulder at the booths, where his company had
managed to form into a loose and slightly drunken semblance of military order, took a deep
breath, and said, "Wherefore, I order you to produce your papers instantly."
"Oh, very well," said Timaeus mildly, reaching for his pouch.
"Madam, another round if you will." While the innkeeper collected the steins,
crouching as if expecting open warfare to begin at any moment, he pawed through the
pouch's contents until he found his Durfalian passeport. The others found and
proffered their own documents.
The captain gravely fumbled through their papers while Lotte brought
refilled steins. He studied one document carefully, frowning at it, looking over the top
of the sheaf of papers at Kraki. Kraki stared back, nose in a stein, one hairy leg on the
table.
"Kraki Kronarsson?" the captain said.
"Is me," said the barbarian.
"These papers say you are of the dwarven race," said the
captain.
"Is right," said Kraki, nodding, then gave an enormous belch.
"That's absurd," said the captain. Kronarsson stood more than
six feet tall.
"If papers say I am dwarf, I am dwarf," said Kraki shrugging.
"Is hokay by me."
The captain studied the papers a moment longer, then laid them on the
table, stepped back, murmured, "Arms forward," to his soldiersthere were a
rustle and clank as they turned into an orderly hedgehog of pole-armsand announced,
"Timaeus d'Asperge, I have orders to take you and your companions into custody."
Lotte cursed faintly and dived behind the bar.
Kraki put down his stein and began to harry the spaces between his
teeth with a thumbnail. Neither he nor the others rose. There was silence for a moment.
Sidney put her hands on the table, the palms slightly cupped, ready to snatch the throwing
knives from her sleeves.
Timaeus said, "That's Magister d' Asperge to you," and
brought his forefinger to his pipe. There was a loud bang, and flames briefly enveloped
his head. When they dissipated, the pipe was lit, Timaeus puffing contentedly.
"Will you come peaceably?" the captain demanded.
"My dear fellow," said Timaeus, "I shan't come,
peaceably or elsewise. If we are to have peace, you must desist from this futile
insistence."
There came a voice from across the room. "By Dion, I like your
spirit." The man in the frock coat was standing, a hand on the hilt of his йpee.
The captain eyed the man unhappily. "Are you a Hamsterian citizen,
sir?"
"I am," responded the man.
"Then by order of the Graf von Grentz, do not interfere in our
business."
"By order of von Grentz, eh? The most despicable of a despised gens,
an Accommodationist, and a lover of catamites to boot. By the love I bear for
Hamsterburg, any enemy of Gerlad von Grentz is a friend of mine."
The captain barked, "Hold," over his shoulders at his men,
marched smartly around the table where Sidney and the others sat, and drew his saber,
holding it vertically before his nose. "You will withdraw your vile assertion,"
he stated. Sidney noted that the slur in his speech had disappeared.
"Which assertion?" said the frock-coated man. "That the gens
von Grentz is despised? That Gerlad prefers his boys below the age of consent?
Or"
The captain shouted, "Draw your blade, or so help me, I shall cut
you down where you are."
The frock-coated man smiled and said, "If you insist, good
sir." He began to remove his coat, displaying long, white, and somewhat soiled
sleeves with lace cuffs.
"Captain," said one of the soldiers uneasily, "we've
unfinished business"
"So vile a slander must not be tolerated," spat the captain.
"I charge you, hold."
The soldiers bore unhappy faces, but maintained their formation. Sidney
wondered what they must be thinking; a massed formation of guisardieres was effective on
the battlefield, and should be sufficient to deal with five or six adventurersbut
not if one of them was a fire mage. A single fireball could wipe them out. And they had
seen Timaeus light his pipe; they knew what they faced.
The swordsman had finished removing his frock coat. He took his epйe
from his belt and held it likewise before his face. "My name is Pablo von
Kremnitz," he said. "I would be honored to learn yours before I kill you."
"There is no need," said the captain, and gave a sudden
vicious cut toward the other's head. The йpйe twitched, and the captain's saber was
deflected upward, missing its target. The captain recovered quickly; they stood facing
each other for a moment, both in fighting stance-sword extended, one foot forward, the
rear foot pointing away from the body. With a sudden clash of steel, they were in motion
again. The captain lunged forward, von Kremnitz dodging aside, the epee's blade angled to
deflect a sudden cut. The captain followed his weapon around and brought it back to
defensive position.
"Vhy doesn't he have soldiers kill that man?" asked Kraki,
studying the passage at arms with interest.
"That would be dishonorable," said Nick. There was a sardonic
tone in his voice; he had the thief's amused contempt for aristocratic notions of honor.
Kraki blinked, obviously puzzled. "Someone insult you, you and
friends kill him," he said. "Not dishonorable to gang up; good joke on him, ho
ho, stupid to make insult vithout pals around for back up. You vant rest of ale,
Nickie?"
Tensely, Nick shook his head, scanning the room, like Sidney ready to
act instantly if the situation got out of hand. Kraki grabbed Nick's stein and drained it.
Von Kremnitz lunged, the captain twisting out of the йpйe's way. Von
Kremnitz was compelled onward by the momentum of his own thrust, leaping atop the table
where Sidney and the others sat, upsetting several steins. Nick, Sidney, and Mortise
jumped away, chairs toppling backward; Timaeus sat stolidly where he was, puffing his pipe
and leaning back, while Kraki merely removed his leg from the table so that it wouldn't be
trod upon and snatched one of the toppling steins, to drain whatever remnants it
contained. Swords clashed inches from his face; he studied the swordplay with interest.
Sidney itched to plant a dagger in the captain's brisket, but decided against it; there
was no telling how his soldiers would react.
The captain had backed off, apparently misliking the advantage the
height of the table gave his opponent. Von Kremnitz leaped down, charged the other, ducked
under the defensively held saber while sweeping upward with his own blade, struck the
captain in the stomach with his left fist, whirled past, and, the captain not quite
recovered, cut toward the captain's face with his Epee, drawing a line of blood up the
right cheek.
Von Kremnitz stamped back and held his Epee vertical before his face
again. "First blood," he said.
The captain looked shaken, but still angered. "Insufficient,"
he grated and danced forward, saber sweeping up in a block, then sideways in a cut, a
maneuver that might have injured the swordsman's thigh if he had been wherethe captain had
expectedbut he had moved inward, inside the captain's stroke.
For a long moment, they appeared to embrace, the apparent tenderness
belied by the thin line of von Kremnitz's steel protruding from the captain's back.
The captain gave a gurgle and fell, sliding off the blade. Von Kremnitz
assumed a fighting stance, against the possibility that the soldiers would attempt to
avenge the death of their leader.
"He killed the captain, Mauro," said one.
"I have eyes, Kevork," said Mauro.
"Let us slay the murderer," said Kevork.
"I think not," said Timaeus, standing up. "Your captain
challenged this gentleman; the forms were obeyed. There was no murder."
"You are under arrest," said Mauro. "Stand aside."
"Kraki, please stand between me and the soldiers," said
Timaeus.
"Hokay," said the barbarian, lumbering to his feet and
pulling his sword from its sheath at his back. The cubitslong length of steel made both
saber and epйe look like toys.
"I believe that my friend can delay you sufficiently long to allow
me to cast a spell," said Timaeus. "I see no wards among you. If you persist in
attempting to capture us, or offer injury to the gentleman, I will not be responsible for
the consequences. Indeed, under the circumstances, I suggest that it is advisable for you
to depart this establishment."
"What do we do, Mauro?" asked one of the soldiers.
While Mauro dithered, Sidney and Nick went to stand by Timaeus; Sidney
produced her throwing daggers, since intimidation seemed more useful at present than
surprise, and Nick, seeing this, did likewise. To her surprise, Frer Mortise joined them,
displaying his hatchet, which he tossed and caught repeatedly with his right hand, the
weapon twirling with each toss, but caught always by the shaft. Von Kremnitz joined Kraki
facing off against the soldiers, though what use he expected his epйe to be against
pole-arms Sidney could not say. That left only Jasper. And where was he?
A mumbling was coming from underneath the table, Sidney realized; she
didn't quite catch the Words, but suspected it might be a spell.
Several of the soldiers were wavering slightly, as if nearly too
inebriated to stand. Their formation was tight enough to keep all erect, though guisards
dipped and swung unsteadily. Could they be that drunk?
"I bet they won' rissriss a fireball in here, Maur'. Room's
too small. An' ... an' ..."
One of the soldiers fell to his knees and emptied his stomach on the
worn, knotty boards of the floor. Another simply collapsed and began to snore. Mauro sat
unsteadily down in one of the booths, as if unable to stand any longer.
Soldier by soldier, the formation disintegrated. More than one lost his
lunch; several passed out, others managed to sit, looking rather sick, clutching the table
as. if they needed support.
Jasper was flitting in the air above them now, green light swooping in
circles. "Cart keep it up for long," he said quickly. "Tie them up, won't
you?" And then he resumed chanting.
"N-no," said Mauro. "Is-isno. Can' allow ..."
He struggled to his feet, lurched forward, slipped in vomit, and crashed to the floor.
"I vant vhat they've been drinking," Kraki said to Lotte.
"It's not the wine," said Timaeus, "it's Jasper's spell.
They were drunk already; I imagine he merely magnified the effect. Sidney, have we enough
rope?"
She was already searching through her pack. "I don't think we
brought any," she said worriedly. "Didn't need it in the woods, and weight was
at a premium."
"Oh, dear," said Frer Mortise. "I'd really rather we
didn't kill them."
"Wait a minute," said Nick. He turned to the innkeeper and
asked, "You've got a cellar?"
"Aye," Lotte said hesitantly.
"Is there a lock on the door?"
"Oh, aye," she said.
Nick went over to one of the sleeping soldiers, lifted her legs by the
bootheels, and pulled her toward the taproom door. "Show me where it is," he
said.
"But sirthese are soldiers of the graf, they'll have me hung
if I"
Nick snorted. "We forced you," he said soothingly.
"Threatened to kill you, to bum the inn. You were terrified out of your wits."
"Aye," she said in a tiny, tearful voice.
"Besides," said Nick reluctantly, as he hauled the soldier
out the door, head bumping on the lintel, "there's money in it for you."
"Oh, aye," said Lotte, sounding much better. She followed him
out of the room. "A dozen pounds should do it."
"A dozen what?" came Nick's horrified voice from down the
corridor.
Sidney was already stripping the soldiers of their weaponsand
their purses. She pocketed the latter, hiding this action from the eyes of the others,
more from sheer habit than from any real desire for the small sums these poor wretches
were carrying. "Come on, damn it," she said. "Give me a hand. We've got to
get them all in the cellar before Jasper gives out."
The green light was circling a little more slowly now, and the Words of
Jasper's spell did sound a little more tired.
"Easier yust to cut throats," complained Kraki, but he tucked
a soldier under each arm and dragged the two of them toward the door, their boots trailing
on the planks behind.
VI.
Jasper's light hung motionless over a bar stool. "Thank
goodness," he said. "I'll have some of the local wine, if you will, my
dear."
"Righto," said Lotte cheerfully, reaching for a bottle.
"Thanks for not trashing the place. I tell you, I practically had a heart attack
when"
"Not at all, not at all," Jasper murmured. "You wouldn't
serve a cold luncheon, by any chance?"
"I can rustle up something," she said. "Give me a
mo'." She bustled out toward the kitchen.
"I do trust you'll let us stand you a drink or two," Timaeus
said to von Kremnitz.
"Of course," said the swordsman, throwing a leg over a stool
himself, shifting his belt so that his йpйe wouldn't stick into the person at the next
stool, who chanced to be Sidney. "If you will permit an inquiry ... ?"
"Mm?" said Timaeus, knocking ash from his pipe.
"The graf's soldiery seem to be well acquainted withyou, good sir.
I'm afraid I, however, am ignorant of the House d'Asperge. By your accent, I perceive you
to be Athelstani; may I inquire how you came to these parts?"
"Certainly," said Timaeus, extracting pipe cleaners, a cloth,
and a scouring tool from his pouch. "We"
"Wait," said Sidney. "How do you know we can trust this
guy?"
Von Kremnitz gave her a wounded look. "My dear," he said,
"I am a gentleman."
Nick snorted. "Is that supposed to reassure us?"
"I'm not your dear," snapped Sidney. "And I agree, you
helped us with those soldiers. But obviously for your own reasons. I"
"See here, Sidney," said Timaeus, bristling. "We need
hardly assume that everyone we meet is a potential betrayer. After all, our intentions are
good, our goal"
"Right, and you're such a good judge of character," said
Sidney. "Know how trustworthy someone is right off the bat, every time. Sure.
Remember Lenny the Lizard?"
"Yes, but this is diff"
"And I thought we'd agreed to keep up our cover until we reached
Hamsterburg."
"Cover?" said Timaeus. "What, our cover as itinerant rug
merchants? Damned thin, even when we had a wagon full of rugs, which, as I may point out,
we no longer do. It's"
"Ach, always argue, argue, argue," said Kraki. He vaulted
over the bar, found a five-gallon jug, held it to the tap, and began to fill it with ale.
Sidney and Timaeus glared at each other past a bemused von Kremnitz.
Jasper sighed. "It may perhaps be impolite of us to say so, but we
lave just met. Our reception hereabouts has not, so far, predisposed us to place
our trust in chance acquaintances. Perhaps you could tell us a little about
yourself."
"Of course," said von Kremnitz, getting off his stool,
putting his heels together, pulling a handkerchief from his sleeve, and making a formal
bow, waving the handkerchief gracefully. "Pablo von Kremnitz, Leftenant, Mayoral Foot
Guards."
The others introduced themselves. Timaeus picked up a pipe cleaner and
began to draw it through the stem of his disassembled meerschaum.
"You are, therefore," said Jasper, "an agent of the
Hamsterian state?"
"In a manner of speaking," said von Kremnitz, retaking his
seat.
"I think it wise, then, for us to maintain a degree of
discretion," Jasper said. His glass of wine rose and tilted back. Timaeus snorted and
probed at the bowl of his pipe with a tool.
Von Kremnitz stiffened. "You propose to injure the interests of
Hamsterburg?"
"Not at all," said Jasper soothingly. "We are, in fact,
more or less indifferent to the interests of Hamsterburg. We are more interested in the
fate of humanity as a whole. Indeed, of the Free Peoples in their great contest with the
Slave States of the"
"Oh, come on," said von Kremnitz, chortling. "I mean,
what do you take me for?"
"Here you are," said the innkeeper cheerily, sweeping into
the room with an enormous platter piled high with cold mutton, olives, caponato, bread,
sliced tomatoes, and various alimentary pastes.
"My word," said Timaeus, "that does look good." For
a long time, the only sounds were those of masticationjoined by thumps and shouts
from below.
"Sounds like our friends are recovering," said Nick.
"Are they secure down there?" asked Sidney.
"Only one way out. We pulled up the ladder and barred the
door," said Nick.
"Moreover," said Jasper, "I imagine they will be more
concerned with the state of their heads than escape for quite a while."
"Hung over, you think?" asked von Kremnitz.
"Massively," said Jasper complacently.
When the repast had been cleared away, Timaeus turned to Lotte.
"Now, then, madam," he said. "Within the past fortnight, a small battle has
been fought in these parts, has it not?"
"Aye, sir," she said.
"A fellow by the name of Broderick de Biddleburg rode with the
Graf von Grentz. A grave with a marker bearing his name lies by the battle site. Would you
know if, in truth, his body lies within it?"
"I'm sorry," she said, "I don't know that name."
"The man who stole your horse," Frer Mortise said.
Lotte grimaced. "Yes," she said. "I heard he died. And
serve him right."
"The elves had a statue," said Nick. "Did von Grentz
take it?"
"Oh," said Lotte, "yes. Most of the town watched from
the ridge, you know. Yes, there was a big brown statue with the elves, and the graf put it
into a wagontook the wagon from Johnny Muller without so much as a
by-yourleave."
"And where did they take it?" asked Jasper.
Lotte shrugged. "Back to the castle, I imagine," she said.
Sidney cleared her throat. "So much for discretion," she
said, nodding meaningfully toward von Kremnitz, who had followed this exchange with
interest.
"Broderick de Biddleburg?" demanded von Kremnitz.
"That's right," said Nick.
"Turfed out in a revolution recently, wasn't he?"
"Quite so," said Timaeus.
"And we're discussing the statue of Stantius? Found by adventurers
in Urf Durfal?"
"Yes, yes, obviously," said Timaeus irritably.
Von Kremnitz was silent for a moment. "What I don't understand is
why you want it," he said.
"Don't," said Sidney.
"It is ours," said Timaeus. "We found it, after
all."
"You're those adventurers?" von Kremnitz asked.
"Yes," said Jasper.
"That's how the graf's men knew your name, then," said von
Kremnitz. "When I heard the story, your name wasn't mentioned, but I suppose it's
recorded somewhere."
"Possibly," said Timaeus. "We have tried to be discreet,
but everyone and his brother seems to be interested in the damned thing."
"Why don't you sell it, then?" asked von Kremnitz.
"Well," said Sidney, "we have to take it to
Arst-KaraMorn."
Von Kremnitz looked horrified. "Whatever for?"
"ErI'm not entirely clear on that," said Sidney
apologetically. "Vic seems very set on it, though. Cosmic significance, and so
on."
"Vic?"
"You haven't met him," said Timaeus.
"Where is he?"
"Beats us," said Nick morosely.
Von Kremnitz looked at them each in turn. "No wonder you lost the
bloody thing," he said at last.
"Now see here," said Timaeus sharply. "There's no call
for"
"You probably don't even realize the significance," said von
Kremnitz.
"Certainly we do, old man," said Jasper. "The spirit of
Stantius, last Human King, is bound therein. Until it be freed, humanity is fated to
conflict and dissension, sundered into many states, easy prey for the advancing armies of
the east. We must"
"Bosh," said von Kremnitz, waving a hand. "Fairy tales.
The real rub is this: Von Grentz will use it to depose my master, to make himself ruler of
all Hamsterburg. And associated provinces. I must return to the city at once. You must
come with me; I can promise you the Lord Mayor's assistance in recovering your stolen
property."
"Excellent!" said Timaeus, beaming. "You see, Sidney;
occasionally, it pays to place your trust in a gentleman." "It does?" said
Sidney skeptically.
"You can promise the Lord Mayor's help, huh?" said Nick.
"Indubitably," said von Kremnitz. "Come, we must be
off."
"Right," said Nick. "A lowly leftenant of the Mayor's
Guard can bind the ruler of a great human state."
"You have my word," said von Kremnitz stiffly. But Nick only
snorted.
"The old gray mare, she ain't what she used to be," Nick
observed.
"We are scraping the bottom of the barrel, rather," said
Jasper dubiously, circling Timaeus and his mount for a closer look. Timaeus's horse was
indeed a gray mare and, as Nick had intimated, had clearly seen better days. She was
swaybacked, her long teeth protruded, and she sighed tiredly as she gazed dumbly at the
dusty ground. Timaeus sat atop her, yawning. He was the first to mount up; the reins of
the other horses were tied still to a long bar. They looked little more prepossessing than
Timaeus's. .
"Get a move on, get a move on," said von Kremnitz, bustling
around and tightening the cinch on the saddle of his own horse, a spirited white gelding.
"Time is of the essence."
Kraki gave an enormous belch. "Ve make sure ve have lots of
supplies," he said.
"Yes, confound it," said von Kremnitz. "You've got three
times the food you need; it's a two-day journey to Hamsterburg if we push it. What the
devil do you"
The innkeeper approached with a wheelbarrow, in which a cask of ale
lay. "Here you are, sir," she said to. Kraki.
"Thank you," said the barbarian. He tucked the cask under one
arm, untied one of the horses, and vaulted astride her, reins in one hand, cask in the
other.
"You can't be serious," said von Kremnitz.
Kraki gave him a wide, snaggle-toothed smile.
"I really don't understand what all the rush is for," said
Timaeus, a little sleepily; the ale and the heat of the afternoon were making him drowsy.
"We must get to the Maiorkest as soon as we are able," said
von Kremnitz, vaulting to his own mount's back. "That thing in Gerlad von Grentz's
hands for more than a week ... I don't care to contemplate ... Well come on, come on,
mount up, by all the gods; what the devil are you lolling about for?"
"See here, Pablo," said Sidney nastily. "We barely know
you. What gives you the right to"
"Leftenant von Kremnitz is understandably agitated," said
Jasper soothingly. "And he has offered to assist us, Sidney. Do take a horse, my
dear; if he is right, we shall find the statue in Hamsterburg."
Sidney muttered something, but consented to mount. Together they set
off down the road. Von Kremnitz adopted a trot, and the others were forced to do likewise
to stay abreast.
Sidney scowled. "Slow down, dammit," she said. "The
horses won't take this for more than"
"We must get well away from the inn, and quickly," said von
Grentz.
"Weeks sleeping on rocks and subsisting on half-rawsquirrel and
mushrooms of doubtful provenance," said Timaeus, jouncing up and down uncomfortably,
"a fortnight dancing attendance to a bunch of fool fays; the first opportunity to
have a good night's sleep in a comfortable feather bed, and we go gallivanting off on a
mare with a trot like an overgrown March hare on the dustiest godsforsaken road I've yet
to see in the full glare of a blazingly hot sun. What's wrong with a nice, slow
walk?"
"How long do you think it will be before our erstwhile hostess
lets von Grentz's soldiers out of their hole?" asked von Kremnitz.
"They're probably out by now," said Nick. "If she's
going to make the claim that we forced her stick, she'd better let them out as fast as she
can."
"Quite right," said von Kremnitz. "And though we took
all the horses, they'll pursue. Best we get some distance ahead."
"Yes, all right," said Timaeus. "But tell me, sir; why
do you believe our statue will have such an impact on Hamsterian politics? Why such
urgency?"
"You don't understand," said von Kremnitz in a frustrated
tone. "The political balance in Hamsterburg is exceedingly fine."
"Why should a statue make a difference?"
Von Kremnitz sighed. "The Lord Mayor of Hamsterburg claims regency
over all humanity in the Human King's absence."
"Yes," said Jasper, "a claim no one else
acknowledges."
"True," said von Kremnitz, "but we take it seriously.
The symbols of Empire are used to bolster our Lord Mayor's rule; the Scepter of Stantius,
kept in the highest tower of the Maiorkest for centuries, has long been a symbol of the
state. When it began to glow, that was taken as a sign of divine confidence in our new
lord, Hamish Siebert, my master; and he has need of every confidence, for he has the
support of no faction but his own, and it is small."
"How was he elected, then?" asked Jasper.
"No single faction could force its candidate through, and so they
agreed on a man they thought a nonentity," said von Kremnitz.
"And is he?" asked Nick.
"Nay," said von Kremnitz. "He is a man of action, a man
of his word; already, he has reformed the civil service, instituted a draft, expanded the
military, thrown public works to open bidding, put our foreign relations on new
and"
"Yes, yes, all right," said Timaeus. "He is a veritable
doyen of virtue. Your opinion is entirely disinterested, I suppose."
"Well," said von Kremnitz, slightly apologetically, "he is
my lord. But you see, the possession of the statue by someone else would indicate to
the superstitious that the mandate of heaven had passed to another. And von Grentz is a
big man in the Accommodationist party. I greatly fear we will find open warfare in the
streets of Hamsterburg when we arrive."
"Dandy," said Timaeus. "I always like to time my visits
to a new city to coincide with riots, rebellion, and plague. I accept that the Lord Mayor
will want to recover the statue from von Grentz, but can we trust him to return it to
us?"
"Of a certainty," said von Kremnitz heartily. "We have a
common objective: to pry the thing from the clutches of the despised von Grentz. And I
have no doubt that My Lord Hamish will be touched to the quick, as I have been, by your
inspiring quest, the need to free the spirit of Stantius, and the ancient sorcery it
involves."
"Good," said Sidney. Privately, she thought otherwise; if the
statue was such big medicine in Hamsterburg's rococo politics, wouldn't the Lord Mayor
want to keep it for himself? And thinking back, von Kremnitz hadn't been so much touched
to the quick by their inspiring quest as convulsed with laughter at its idiocy and
futility.
He bore watching, that one.
Part III.
Intrigue in old Hamsterburg
I.
Some love the sun. They delight in blue skies, warm sunlight, the crisp
clarity of a perfect spring day. They are morose in the dimness of midwinter, become
joyful as the days lengthen, curse the heavens when it rains. They spring happily from bed
at the break of dawn, and return yawning thereto as the sun slips behind the world's far
edge.
Renйe Wolfe was not among them.
Sunlight made her eyes hurt. She liked the peacefulness of gloomy days,
the quiet coolness of dripping clouds, the noiselessness of fog. She looked forward to
winter, which in Hamsterburg rarely brought snow, instead producing rain, chill winds, and
blessedly long nights. But most of all, she loved times such as these, the yawning
midnight hours, the moon sailing ship-like through a sea of scattered clouds, stars
wheeling serenely in the heavens, the sleepy world at peace. The streets of Hamsterburg
were devoid of hubbub, save for an occasional burst of gaiety as a tavern door opened to
expel another homebound drunk. There were few abroad, other than she; a night watchman, a
latenight carouser, a burglar searching quietly for a place to rob in peace.
She slipped through the night, unseen and unaccounted, until she came
where she was bound: the Drachehaus, the mansion of von Grentz.
It was not what she had expected. Oh, the grounds were typical:
carefully manicured, the trees now bursting with flowers-cherry blossoms and dogwood. And
the high cast-iron fence about it was not unusual, for a mansion in Hamsterburg. But the
architecture was uncommon: neither mock-Imperial nor rococo Durfalian, but severely plain.
It reminded her of the temples of the Sons of the Morning, who eschewed all ornament and
frivolity; it consisted of plain stone blocks, windows placed regularly, towers and
crenellations giving a hint of the fortress it could undoubtedly become in time of need.
The only real ornamentation stood above the lintel of the great door, a door above high
marble steps: It was a dragon segreant, elaborately displayed. Wolfe admired the artistry
that had gone into the carving, as well as the cold ruthlessness the figure seemed to
convey.
The fence posed no great obstacle, nor yet the walls; it was a warm
night, and several windows were open. Still, she hesitated; surely there would be wards,
and it would be best to divine their nature first.
She walked slowly along the fence. There were no visible magical
effects, which merely meant the inhabitants did not desire that there be such. She did not
touch the iron bars, lest even that trigger some magical reaction. At the corner, where
the fence turned a right angle, she examined the post carefully.
It was large, round, and evidently hollow. Craning, she saw that,
inside the fence, there was a locked metal door in the side of the post. She nodded;
spells require a sourceof power, and many are effected through the manipulation of
physical similarity elements. No doubt objects used to create and maintain a magical
effect along the fence were stored within the post.
Unfortunately, this told her little of the nature of the magic. Still,
she could be sure of several things. There would be a ward to detect physical entry: It
might sense the body heat of someone crossing the fence, or the passage of a soul, or the
presence of life force, or possibly of mentation. There would undoubtedly be a detection
spell to sense the use of magic, and possibly an active spell to suppress the use of the
more common methods of magical flight. And there might be spells to inflict physical harm
on those who dared to attempt entry, triggered by any of the methods of detection.
She had entered Stantz's bedroom by the means that offered her ingress
almost everywhere; she was a mage of the shadows. She had merged with her own shadow, her
body, mind, and soul simply becoming part of the trace of light on matter. As a shadow,
she could go anywhere where there was at least a little light, at least a little dark;
anywhere that was not wholly sealed against entry. She was not completely invisible, so
disguised: An alert observer might note a shadow moving without a body to cast it. Still,
she was the closest thing to invisible.
That might not suffice here. As a shadow, she had no thickness and
could easily slip under the fence; as a shadow, she had no body, and cast no body heat.
Still, she would cross the fence; and depending on what wards were in force, that might
trigger a response. She needed magic to merge with her own shadow; a ward might register
the passage of that magic. She retained her mind and soul in shadow form, and either of
those things might be sensed.
An oak tree stood on the other side of the fence, perhaps a dozen feet
away. Wolfe looked up; branches extended from the trunk toward the fence, but had been
trimmed where they would have passed above it. She smiled; von Grentz, or whoever handled
his security, had realized that branches, crossing the line of the wards, might provide a
method of entry.
Had they considered that the tree's mere shadow might do the same?
The moon was nearly full, full enough that the tree's shadow was
visible on gray grass. Alas, it was but an hour after midnight, and the moon high above
the horizon. The shadow of the oak was small, and contained wholly within the Drachehaus
grounds. That would change with the passage of time, the motion of the moon across the
sky.
Wolfe sighed, then walked across the street. A long wall stretched
there, protecting another mansion, and in its shelter she would be less obvious. She
settled down to wait.
Long hours passed. Stars wheeled overhead. The moon sank toward the
horizon. Slowly, the oak tree's shadow crept toward the fence.
At last, Wolfe rose, stretched, and strolled back across the road. The
shadow extended out across the sidewalk now.
Wolfe whispered a spell. She hardly needed to; she had trained herself
to say the Words of magic silently, a necessary skill for one who, as a shadow, had no
voice. Still, it was a little easier to say the Words out loud.
Suddenly, no Wolfe stood there. Even her shadow was gone.
Crossing the fence might trigger defensive wards; Wolfe did not cross
the fence. Instead, she merged with the oak tree's shadow, a shadow both within and
without the fence. She never crossed the fence; she was within and without it, the mere
shadow of a tree.
Silently, a silent shadow cast a spell; and a dark-clad woman stepped
from the shadow of the tree and into the garden.
No alarms went off; no spells were triggered.
Wolfe smiled.
The small room's floor was covered with rushes. Each wall was pierced
by a single window, an unusually proportioned window, tall and thin: the window of a
fortification, from which a soldier might study besiegers while exposing himself as little
as possible. There were no besiegers here; outside were gardens, mansions, pleasure lakes
and gazebosthe Enclave, Hamsterburg's wealthiest parish. Perhaps the builder had
admired the severe lines of fortifications elsewhere; perhaps he had feared the need to
fortify his mansion in harsher times to come.
Through the east window, pink rays shone, casting a pink rectangle of
light against the rush-covered floor. The other three windows admitted only dim gray
illumination; it was barely dawn.
Against the north wall was a niche, and in it a shrine. Against the
south was a door: a heavy oaken door, bound in cast iron. A metal bar stood by it, not in
use.
Enter von Grentz. The door swung open on well-oiled hinges. He was
simply clad, a few yards of untailored cloth draped over a shoulder and around the waist,
belted by a velvet rope, clasped by a plain bronze pin. On his feet were sandals. Around
the periphery of his scalp ran a thin line of hair, black in parts but mostly gray,
close-cropped in defiance of ultimate baldness. In his hand, he carried a single camellia
blossom, fresh-plucked from his garden, the petals still bedewed.
He went to the shrine, rushes rustling beneath his feet, and knelt. A
bowl of water stood at the center of the niche; a shallow bowl, gently sloping, glazed,
fired the tan color of the original clay, unaltered save for a few broad blue lines
applied by a brush before firing. Gently, von Grentz placed the blossom at the bowl's
center.
Above the bowl, at the back of the niche, plain iron brackets held a
naked saber. The blade was highly polished, the hilt wrapped with unadorned hide. Using
both hands, von Grentz lifted it from its brackets and held it atop one bent knee, palms
upward. He lowered his head to kiss the blade, then returned it to its place.
A shadow moved noiselessly across the rushes and merged with the shadow
of the wall beneath the eastern window.
Von Grentz was still, kneeling before the bowl, gazing unseeing into
the stone wall of the niche, the rectangle of pink on the floor behind him moving slowly
toward its window, the pink transforming gradually to saffron, then to white. He was lost
in meditation.
Enter a lich. The door swung open; the creature glided into the room,
black robe veiling most of its form, long finger bones protruding from the sleeves. Empty
eye sockets turned away from the young morning light, as if uncomfortable at such
brilliance. It moved with curious stillness, no sound of rushes crunching beneath its
feet, no click of toe bones on floor.
A shadow perhaps shrank closer to the wall; lichs were famously
powerful mages. If it thought to cast a detection spell, it might sense that there was
more in the shadows of the room than the mere interplay of light and matter.
"You have examined the statue?" inquired von Grentz, without
turning around.
"I have," whispered the lich.
Von Grentz stood gracefully and faced it. "And?" he said.
"It is under several spells," whispered the lich, moving into
the room's deepest shadow in search of sanctuary from the light; did that shadow flinch
somehow away? "The most recent is intended to prevent others from detecting its
magical emanations. The others are more complex, more powerful; a binding."
"Yes," said von Grentz, "but is the rumor true? Does it
contain the spirit of the Human King?"
"Yes," whispered the lich. "Yes, indeed."
"Excellent," said von Grentz. A smile danced momentarily
across those thin lips. "You support our objectives still?"
The lich was silent for a long moment. "Support your
objectives?" it said at last. "I have aided you because I have found it
usefuland profitableto do so. But to reach accommodation with Arst-Kara-Morn?
That's a fool's game. There is no accommodation, not short of the grave. Nor even then, I
fear. You don't have the slightest idea what you're dealing with."
"With what am I dealing?" said von Grentz, raising a
skeptical eyebrow.
"Would you have riches beyond your imagining?" whispered the
lich. "Power beyond that any man has wielded in millennia? Houris at your beck and
call? Whatever your desire, it may be yours."
"I know what I wish," said von Grentz. "I intend to have
it. Who are you, that you believe you can grant it?"
"Not I," said the lich. "Arst-Kara-Morn."
"And was it not you who just argued the impossibility of dealing
with them?"
"You do not know what you have," whispered the lich. "If
you do not give it to them, for whatever price, they will hunt it, and you, for as long as
it takes."
"You serve them?" asked von Grentz bluntly.
The lich shuddered. "I do not," it said. It did not add: I
have. I shall probably have to again.
"I have another notion in mind," said von Grentz. "But I
don't know if you can be trusted."
The lich emitted a curious whirring noise. The sound went on for
several moments. It took von Grentz some time to place the noise: The lich was chuckling.
Eventually, the whirring died away. "Do you trust your cat?"
asked the lich.
"I don't have a cat," said von Grentz, with considerable
irritation. He was a dog person, actually.
"Whom do you trust?"
"Granted," von Grentz said, apparently coming to a decision.
"Thank you for assisting me this far. I consider myself in your debt. I have ordered
a carriage readied to your specifications, with thick curtains drawn over the windows; it
will take you to your"
"Hold," whispered the lich, raising one bony hand.
Von Grentz was silent, regarding the creature. After a pause, it spoke.
"You called me here to verify the statue's authenticity, but an historian or any
number of wizards could have done so. You wish me to perform some other task, but have
decided I am not sufficiently trustworthy.
"Mere possession of the statue bolsters your political position,
since the credulous will take ownership to indicate divine favor. I conclude that this
other task involves necromancy, and the statue."
Von Grentz made no reply. The two stared at each other for a long
moment, blue eyes into empty sockets.
"If I assume you know more about necromancy than the usual
layman," whispered the lich, "I come to an unsettling conclusion."
"Would Arst-Kara-Morn still be interested if the spirit of
Stantius no longer occupied the statue?" asked von Grentz softly.
"I am not sure you understand the complexities," whispered
the lich.
Von Grentz raised an eyebrow. "It seems straightforward
enough," he said. "Simply transfer the spirit from the statue into my
body."
The lich shook its skull. "No," it said. "The spirit is
bound into the statue, by ancient and powerful magic; unbinding will require great power.
Moreover, if I were to do as you ask, you would become schizophrenic."
Von Grentz frowned. "But mind and spirit are separable; why should
Stantius's mind be reborn in my body?"
"It wouldn't," whispered the lich. "The claim that
mindand spirit are separable is simplistic; mind is the epiphenomenon of spirit in body.
Adding a second spirit to your frame would add a second mind to yoursa new one
birthed on the instant, most likely without Stantius's memories."
"This is not appealing," said von Grentz. "The idea is
impossible, then?"
"No," said the lich. "The trick is to free the spirit of
Stantius while transferring its divine aspect to you. That is, not to transfer the actual
spirit into your body, but to transfer its association with the divine, to render you
king. This will require enormous power."
Von Grentz frowned. "Do you have sufficient power?" he asked.
The lich said, "No, no, you do not understand. I have the skill;
the power I draw from death."
"The task will require many deaths?" said von Grentz.
"Precisely," said the lich.
Von Grentz frowned. "Human sacrifice"
"Is not necessary," said the lich. "A revolution, say,
put down as bloodily as possible; a battle, a massacre"
"Ah," said von Grentz with relief. "Something along
those lines can be arranged. What do you want for your participation?"
The lich considered. What did it want? Surcease, it supposed; an end.
It gave a soundless sigh. Von Grentz's scheme was mad, of course; the ritual that bound
Stantius's spirit was so powerful that a dozen wizards could not unbind it. The lich's
only options were to flee, for the Dark Lord's servants would appear as soon as they knew
the statue was here, or to stay close to it, hoping to get it away from von Grentz and
then use it to ingratiate itself with Arst-Kara-Morn. The latter course seemed the more
promising. "I shall think of something," it whispered. "If the carriage is
ready, I shall depart now." It turned and glided for the door.
"When will you report?" asked von Grentz.
The lich stiffened. "I shall inform you of my progress," it
whispered with disdain, "when I find it useful or advisable to do so."
Von Grentz scowled after the lich. After a time, he turned back to his
shrine, knelt, and considered the blossom; then rose, and let himself out by the door.
Wolfe waited several minutes before she allowed herself to slip from
the shadow of the wall. And when she did, she became suddenly aware of another presence in
the room.
An exceptionally old man lay, back against the wall of the room, atop
the rushes that carpeted the floor. A gray, scraggly beard ran around a toothless mouth;
his clothes looked as if they had not been washed in weeks. One hand clutched a bottle of
wine.
Wolfe felt a frisson of shock; the door had opened only the four times,
for the entrances and exits of von Grentz and the skeleton. How and when had the old man
entered? And how could she have failed to sense him-she, von Grentz, and the lich as well?
He had not been a shadow, she would swear to that; another shadow she would have sensed.
"Won't work," mumbled the old man, peering vaguely at Wolfe's
shadow. "Binding'sh too powerful."
And with that, he pushed off the wall, curled up on the rushes, and
fell asleep.
II.
"Fetch that dog Stauer," von Kremnitz told the woman behind
the oaken desk. She looked up with the gaze of a startled bird, and scurried off down a
darkened hall.
Timaeus, Sidney, Nick, Kraki, and Mortise stood blinking in the foyer,
Jasper shining faintly near them. The light inside was dim after the glaring sun of the
streets. To the left, a door opened on a taproom, where a few souls sat drinking and a
middle-aged man mopped the floor with glacial slowness. To the right, a carpeted corridor
led past a series of doors, the first apparently that of an office, into which the woman
disappeared. Behind the desk she had vacated, a wide set of stairs with curled banisters
led upward to a landing.
The office door was reopened; the woman reappeared, along with a
grinning, pince-nezed man in frock coat and conservative hosepresumably Stauer.
"Leftenant von Kremnitz," he said, bobbing delightedly. "How good to see
you again."
"The pleasure is yours," declared von Kremnitz coldly.
"I will allow you to repair your late insult by providing these worthies with service
of great alacrity and attentiveness, including, it need hardly be said, the finest rooms
in your establishment."
Stauer bobbed to each of the others in turn. He mumbled "Messieurs,
ma-dame, " then threw open his arms and expansively declared, "Welcome to
the Pension Scholari. If you will permit, Madame Steuben will show you to your rooms. I
will join you shortly to discover your needsif Leftenant von Kremnitz will come with
me to the office?"
Von Kremnitz assented. Sidney scowled, suspicions aroused; what would
von Kremnitz and the innkeeper have to talk about? About spying on von Kremnitz's supposed
friends? Madame Steuben inclined her head toward the stairs, then led the way upward. Von
Kremnitz entered the innkeeper's office; Stauer closed the door, and at once a mumble of
voices arose, Stauer's heated, von Kremnitz's cold. Sidney caught only a snatch of the
conversation, but that was enough to set her mind at ease. It was Stauer, enraged: ".
. . amounting to two dozen pounds, ten shillings and tuppence ha'penny!"
Timaeus sighed with pleasure when he saw the sitting room. He collapsed
into an armchair and complacently declared, "Civilization at last."
Sidney surveyed the room; it did make a change from recent
accommodations. Since leaving Biddleburg Castle, they had slept in the rough, once in a
rather unpleasant publick house where guests were accommodated four to the bed. Four
people, that is; the fleas had been uncountable. The Pension Scholari boasted actual
bedrooms, each quite clean, the bedding fresh, with empty chamber pots and an ewer of
water and a basin for ablutions in each room.
The sitting room itself held deep, upholstered couches, achaise longue,
armchairs, a bookcase stuffed with novels, and a sideboard bearing a basket of fruit and
an array of bottles. French windows gave out on a balcony, where wisteria twined up
trellises to form a canopy over the balcony itself. It almost seemed, Sidney thought,
giving the room a professional once-over, as if it had been laid out with an amour in
mind: The trellis was sturdy enough for a man to climb, one wall bore a balalaika in case
one was seized with an urge to serenade, the wisteria scented the air, and one might
progress, with a minimum of movement, from couch to chaise longue to the bedrooms, where
soft feather mattresses and piles of pillows lay.
Kraki had already found one of the beds; he lay on it, still in his
travel-stained clothes, dusty sandals leaving marks on the comforter, snoring face down
into a pillow. Nick was nervously checking locks on the windows, peering under the
furniture and knocking on the walls; he looked faintly uneasy, mainly, Sidney knew,
because with the pension's many windows and unlockable doors, there was no obvious way to
secure their quarters. Frer Mortise was standing before the balcony and looking acutely
uncomfortable.
"What is the matter, Brother?" Sidney asked.
"The Lady Beatrice bade me accompany you," he said, "but
I fear the city is no place for the likes of me."
"We have no hold on you," said Sidney. "You are free to
depart when you wish."
"It was Broderick of our land who stole the statue from you,"
said Mortise. "I will stay until you recover it."
Sidney sighed. "If ever," she said.
A sharp knock came at the door. "It is I, your host," came a
voice. "May I enter?"
"Yes, of course," said Jasper, the point of green light
zipping toward the door. The handle turned, as if by an invisible hand, and Stauer bustled
in, ignoring Jasper and approaching Timaeus. Sidney wondered why people always seemed to
assume that Timaeus was the leader of their group. Was it his aristocratic air, or did
they sense his profligacy with money and head for the easiest mark?
"Good afternoon," said Stauer. "I do hope everything is
to your satisfaction?"
"Everything is most satisfactory," said Timaeus, perhaps a
little sleepily in the afternoon warmth. "Would you have any pipeweed?"
"Of course, monsieur," said Stauer. "Several
varieties of Alcalan blackleaf, and an interesting Moothlayan offering; I shall send a boy
up with a selection. I'm afraid I must raise two matters of, ahem, some minor
importance."
"Yes?" said Timaeus, sitting up.
Stauer gave a little cough. "As pleased as I am to meet companions
of the noble and valiant Leftenant von Kremnitz," he said, "the good gentleman
has, in the past, been known to tend toward a lamentable degree ofhow may one put
it impecunity? At the risk of indelicacy, I must tell you that this establishment
caters to a select clientele; a clientele capable of meeting its, ahem, appropriate
charges. The leftenant assures me that you have means of your own, and that"'
"I see, I see," said Timaeus, waving a hand. "You need
have no worries on this score. We shall, of course, pay the house's customary charges; if
there are details that need settling, I urge you to raise them with my man, Nicholas
Pratchitt, who has my complete confidence in financial matters."
Nick, who had been following this exchange with rising alarm, relaxed
somewhat, though it was obvious he was nettled at being described as Timaeus's man.
"Excellent," said Stauer with equal relief, turning to Nick.
"There is one slight matter which we ought, perhaps, to settle at present."
"Yes?" said Nick.
"It concerns your mounts," said Stauer.
Nick looked curious. "The horses?" he said.
"Yes," said Stauer, somewhat apologetically. "No doubt
beasts of such, ah, wisdom and experience, such loyal retainers, have great emotional
value for all concerned; yet one wonders at the, um, economic efficiency of boarding them
at our establishment."
Nick blinked. "I don't follow you," he said.
Stauer sighed, took off his pince-nez, and polished them with his
ruffled neckpiece. "Our stables charge a shilling per diem," he said
Nick choked, unable to respond.
Stauer looked slightly offended at this. "And worth every
penny," he said. "We curry them daily, ride them about to provide exercise when
their owners do not, attend to their medical needs as necessary, and provide the
finestquality provender, including fresh fruits and vegetables for a change in diet."
Nick snorted.
"Many noblemen, warriors in particular, appreciate this
attentiveness to the needs of their mounts, among their prized possessions; on the open
market, a trained warhorse of good breeding can fetch as much as"
"Yeah, yeah, I see," said Nick. "If your horse cost you
a hundred quid, a shilling a day to keep it in shape is no big deal. But our horses are a
bunch of broken-down nags."
Stauer sighed in relief, and replaced his glasses.
"Precisely," he said. "I can suggest more modest accommodations, if you
like."
"Maybe you can recommend a good knacker's yard," said Nick.
"Glue is about all they're good for."
"If you wish," said Stauer.
"By the way, Mr. Stauer," said Timaeus, "where has
Leftenant von Kremnitz got to?"
Stauer bobbed as if delighted to answer the question. "It is, of
course, the gentleman's duty to report to the Maiorkest upon entering the city," he
said. "Now, if there's anything-'
"The Maiorkest?"
"Ah? The mayoral palace; our seat of government. The Mayoral Foot
Guard is stationed there."
Sidney scowled again in renewed suspicion.
What at first glance had appeared to be a taproom proved to be a bit
more than that. A sign above the door bore the legend "Bistrot Scholari." There
was an ornate mahogany bar, but the rest of the bistrot was decorated in what might be
called dusty nook-and-cranny, lit more by the chandeliers overhead than the few shuttered
windows. Innumerable walls divided the space into wood-paneled booths. On shelves sat
dusty bottles of wine, dusty books, still-life displays of dusty plaster fruit in dusty
baskets, and dusty oil paintings meant to suggest bountysuckling pigs, cornucopiae,
peasants reaping grain. "Six for luncheon, if you please," said Jasper to the maitresse
d', who seemed only faintly startled to be addressed by a mobile point of light. She
solemnly curtsied and guided them to a booth. She gestured to indicate where they should
sit, then summoned a waiter with a showy snap of the fingers and an impatient stamp of the
foot. Before she left, she reached up and took hold of a rod dangling from one of the
chandeliers. She pulled on it and the chandelier moved, running on an iron rail bolted to
the ceiling, closer toward the boothpresumably so that the diners might more easily
study the bill of fare.
The booth was a bit crowded for them all, so Kraki went to take a chair
from one of the tables in the middle of the room. The chair was bolted to the floor. Kraki
looked puzzled when it did not move at first, then ripped it up with a crash and carried
it over, fragments of oak flooring sticking out from the ends of the chair legs.
The waiter watched this with serene unconcern, as if itwere an everyday
happening, and said, "I'll just add the repairs to your bill, shall I, messieurs
et madame?"
"Yes, yes," said Timaeus, waving a hand. "Do you have a
wine list?"
"I shall send over the sommelier," said the waiter. "In
the meantime, perhaps you would care to study the carte d'lrotel." He handed
over the menus. Kraki, perched on his chair, took one and held it upside down. Sidney
leaned over, took it from his hands, turned it right side up, and handed it back. The
waiter bustled away.
Suddenly, from across the room, a woman shouted, "Felicia, thou
strumpet! The lad hath plighted me his troth! Wherefore dost thou bestow such lascivious
caresses upon his person, thou jade, thou jezebel?" The speaker posed menacingly in
front of a booth across the bistrot, clad in a flounced yellow dress, a rapier at her
side, long brown hair in a ponytail down her back. A low murmur came from within the
booth, where Felicia, a pale woman in peach velvet and a pillbox hat, sat with several
companions. Felicia stood slowly and left the booth to stand before the woman in the
yellow dress. Whatever Felicia said did not mollify the other, who drew forth her blade
and lunged. The reason for bolting the chairs to the floor became instantly apparent;
Felicia dodged aside and grabbed a chair, no doubt intending to use it as a weapon.
People exploded from three nearby booths. Felicia, thrown off-balance
by the chair's failure to lift from the floor, might well have been skewered by her foe's
next thrust, but two men grabbed the woman in yellow, holding her arms. "This is
dishonorable," one shouted to her. "She has no weapon to defend herself."
At that, the woman in yellow ceased struggling, looking mortally annoyed.
The claim was not wholly true; Felicia had produced a long hatpin, but
she too was now surrounded by friends, who both shielded and argued with her. The tableau
held for a long moment, the woman in yellow relaxing from rage. Then, Felicia said in a
loud and biting voice, "Quite right. The baseborn lad is not worth the bother,"
and, adjusting her hat, restored the hatpin to its place.
The woman in yellow, peaceably turning toward another booth, twitched
at this, but did not turn back. The object of their quarrel, a young man with his hair in
ringlets, went with her, looking rather shamefaced. Quiet was soon restored.
While Timaeus and the others watched this exchange with interest,
Sidney, seated on the inside of the booth, heard a faint buzzing; at first she took it for
an insect and waved a hand, but the rhythm of the noise, it came to her, was the rhythm of
conversation. Curiously, she looked about, and noted a hole in the bench on which she sat,
where it met the walla hole that pierced the back of her bench and, apparently, the
bench in the next booth over. It was circular, about an inch in diameter, and appeared as
if it had been drilled through the wood at some point in the considerable past, as the
wood of the hole was stained with age. She was, she realized, overhearing the conversation
taking place in the next booth and, curious, leant back to listen.
". . . Stantz," said a voice.
"It is true, then? The Spider intended to kill the Lord
Mayor?" said a second.
"Isn't it obvious? Who else would dare?"
"But do you have proof?"
"Not such proof as could be displayed in court."
"You've had seven days to find proof."
"Look at this," said the first voice. There was a shuffling
of paper.
"The bastard," said the other voice. "Stantz has gone
too far this time."
"Are you with us, then?"
"Well, I"
"Are you ready to order?" said the waiter. He stood
expectantly behind Kraki, pad at the ready. Sidney missed something of the conversation
through the hole, and moved her ear toward it. "Listen to me! The Scepter of Stantius
is glowing!" said the hole.
"What would you recommend?" asked Timaeus.
"The rollatine de veau aver une sauce greepoise is very
nice."
Irritably, Sidney turned away from the waiter, trying to concentrate
only on eavesdropping, but the discussion about her made it impossible. She caught mere
snatchesincluding, once, the word "statue," which alarmed her.
"Une sauce greepoise, eh? let me guess," said Jasper,
slightly sarcastically. "Greeps are a kind of, oh, insect, are they not?"
"Sir? Why, certainly not! Would the Bistrot Scholari serve bugs to
its customers? No, no, greeps are a form of"
"Stop!" shouted Timaeus. "I forbid you to tell us what
greeps are."
The waiter was taken aback. "Sir?" he said.
"We are ascetics, every one of us," declared Timaeus,
"wholly uninterested in cuisine. We have not the slightest interest in greeps of any
form. I will have your plainest loaf of bread, and a glass of water."
"Ah," said the waiter, "but our greeps are like to tempt
even a palate such as yours, my good sir. Dug fresh from the"
"Stop!" shouted Timaeus. "If you say another word, we
shall instantly leave."
The waiter put on a sour expression. "Very well, sir," he
said. "Will you be having arsenic or strychnine with your water?"
Timaeus goggled. "I beg your pardon?"
"Ah," said the waiter. "Foreigners, I see. It is the
custom in our fair city to take poison with one's repasta sublethal dose, to be
sure."
"You're kidding," said Nick.
"No, sir," said the waiter. "I am in earnest. To build
up an immunity, you see. Especially among the upper classes, a certain resistance to
poison is useful in extending one's life span"
"Is assassination so common?" asked Sidney, interested
despite herself.
"Alas, no longer so common," said the waiter nostalgically.
"These are decadent times. Why, in my grandfather's day"
"No poison, please," said Timaeus, interrupting hastily.
"I assume that can be arranged?"
The waiter looked sour again. "Yes, of course, sir," he said.
"I'm afraid there will be an additional charge."
"For omission of the poison?" said Timaeus Mcredulously.
"Unpoisoned food requires special handling," said the waiter
disdainfully. "Will anyone else be dining this evening?"
Sidney ordered the bangers and mash. Jasper ordered the veal cutlet.
Farther Mortise ordered the steak and fries. "And you, sir?" sneered the waiter
to Kraki.
"I take vone of each," said Kraki.
"Sir?" said the waiter.
Kraki's finger stabbed blindly at each line on the menu. "Vone of
that," he said. "And vone of that. And vone of that. And vone of"
"I follow you, sir," said the waiter. "This is a
considerable quantity of food, you realize."
"Good," said Kraki, pulling up his tunic to scratch his hairy
belly. "I hungry."
"Quite," said the waiter. "No poison all around, I take
it?"
They assented. The sommelier had arrived while theywere ordering, but
had stood aside while the waiter took the last orders. As the waiter left, he said,
"Good evening. I assume you'll be wanting a red wine with"
"Bin twenty-one," said Timaeus offhandedly.
The sommelier blinked. "Sir?" he said. "But that's a
maderized"
"Bin twenty-one," said Timaeus testily.
The sommelier shrugged, and disappeared.
"You don't even know what wine's in bin twenty-one," said
Jasper. "How do you"
"I'm tired of being patronized," said Timaeus.
"You're in a foul mood, I must" said Jasper, but Sidney
shushed him loudly. She had her ear pressed to the hole again.
"What've you got?" asked Nick.
She shushed again. The others shut up and watched her listen.
"What do you mean?" said one of the voices from the hole.
"You are mistaken," said the other voice.
"How do you mean mistaken?"
"I do not have the files."
"But if you don't, then Freitag was lying!"
"Correct."
"And that means"
"That means the end."
"The end? Finis? Is that all I've ever meant to the gens?"
"You were a useful tool. Now you are broken."
There was a choking sound. "Youyou bastard," said the
second vice hoarsely. "The wine"
"Was poisoned."
And there was a thud.
A moment later, a man left the booth and strode across the room. He was
the very image of a chevalier: spurred boots, йpйe with ornate hilt, ruffled sleeves, a
ragged scar up one cheek. At the bistrot's door he paused, took a snuffbox from his
sleeve, opened it, and inserted a pinch in his left nostril while scanning the room. He
noted Sidney's eyesand those of the others-upon him, sneezed delicately into a lace
handkerchief, and left.
"Should I follow him?" asked Jasper.
"I don'tno, I suppose not," said Sidney.
"What is it, Sidney?" asked Timaeus.
She showed them the hole and described the conversation. As she did, a
waiter peered into the adjacent booth, then hurriedly departed.
"So an attempt has been made on the Lord Mayor's life," said
Jasper.
"Von Kremnitz didn't know," said Nick.
"Or didn't bother to tell us," said Sidney.
"Could it have been von Grentz?" asked Jasper.
"They seemed to think it was someone they called Stantz, or the
Spider," said Sidney.
"Ah," said Timaeus. "The Hamsterian Minister of Internal
Serenity."
Sidney stared at him. "How do you?"
"I do follow the international news, my dear," said Timaeus,
somewhat patronizingly. "What did they say about the statue?"
"I didn't catch that part," said Sidney testily. "You
were too busy harassing our waiter."
The waiter who had peered into the booth returned with the maitresse
d' and a busboy. Under the woman's direction, they entered the booth, reappearing a
moment later carrying a body, that of a heavyset man in checked hose and crimson doublet.
They carried him across the floor and out of the bistrot. Several customers watched them
go, then returned unconcernedly to their dinners.
"If it were my restaurant," said Nick, "I'd worry that
the customers might think the food was to blame."
"Perhaps it was," said Jasper. "Perhaps the chef .had
too heavy a hand with the arsenic shaker."
Timaeus chuckled. "Everyone does seem remarkably blasй," he
said.
Three waiters approached with platters of food. "Bon appйtit,
" said Timaeus, glumly examining his loaf of bread and his glass of water.
Moments later, the sommelier appeared with a bottle of wine with a label in Dwarven. He
presented it to Timaeus, who blinked; he had known that there were dwarven wines, but had
never tasted one. He suspected this was a bad omen; the dwarves ran more to stouts and
porters. With a flourish, the sommelier cut off the lead with a small knife, then drew the
cork. He poured a finger of wine into a glass and proffered it to Timaeus, who took a
taste, rolled it about in his mouth, and looked pleasantly surprised. "Very
nice," he saidand it was. It seemed to be some relative of sherry. Upon
Timaeus's approval, the sommelier poured each of the other diners a glass. Kraki drained
his instantly and said, "More ale."
"I shall send over your waiter," said the sommelier
contemptuously, disappearing into the dim recesses of the bistrot.
Nick elbowed Kraki in the ribs. "Read us the label," he said.
"Vhat?" said Kraki through a mouthful of pork cutlet.
"Thought you were a dwarf," said Nick.
"Ho ho," grunted Kraki sourly, and began plowing through the
sauerbraten. For a time, the only sounds were those of clattering silverware, mastication
and, in the case of Kraki, several extended bass belches.
"I'm not entirely sure I trust von Kremnitz," said Sidney,
who had barely touched her sausages. "Maybe we ought to try to find the statue on our
own."
"He did offer us the Lord Mayor's aid," said Jasper.
"You think we can trust the Lord Mayor any better than
Pablo?" asked Nick.
"A point," said Jasper. "On the other hand, the politics
of this city seem more than a little labyrinthine. Without a local patron, we might all
too easily find ourselves in the municipal hoosegow."
As Jasper spoke, there was a clatter, a thump, and a swishing noise.
Sidney peered out into the restaurant dimness; the noise was that of a chandelier, moving
on its runners. And indeed, a chandelier hurtled toward them from across the room, candle
flames fluttering with the motion, a booted man in flared trousers, an йpйe at the
ready, hanging from its rod.
The chandelier slammed to a halt at the end of its rail, lit candles
toppling onto the floor. The man let go at the last instant, landing dramatically atop
their table, one boot in Sidney's mashed potatoes and the other toppling a stein of ale
into Kraki's lap. The point of the йpee rested against Timaeus's throat.
"I have you now, Greiblitz!" the swordsman shouted.
"There'll be no more of your liI say. You're not Greiblitz."
With a roar, Kraki erupted from his seat, grabbed one of the
swordsman's legs, and yanked him from the table. The йpйe went flying across the .oom.
The two wrestled briefly; when the flurry of motion ceased, the swordsman's feet were
kicking in midair, his face turning purple as Kraki gradually crushed his esophagus.
"You spill my ale!" shouted Kraki.
"Just what we need at this point," said Sidney, "to
murder one of the locals."
"What's the problem?" said Nick. "Nobody's likely to
mind. I mean, if people get poisoned every daynot to mention killed in
duels"
"Still,". said Timaeus, "put him down, Kraki, there's a
good chap."
"My ale," said Kraki dangerously.
"I imagine he'll stand you another," said Timaeus. Kraki
grunted, and reluctantly set the swordsman down.
The swordsman panted for a moment, rubbing his neck, then said
hoarsely, "Awfully sorry. Glad to replace your ale. And your dinner, miss, if I may.
Don't suppose you've seen Greiblitz about? Well-dressed chappie, scar on one cheek, sports
an йpйe, partial to snuff?"
"Yes, yes," said Timaeus. "Poisoned a fellow the next
booth over, and left, oh, ten minutes ago. Now do run along, there's a good chap."
"Poisoned a fellow?" said the swordsman in alarm.
"Merciful heavens, I'm too late to save poor Grьnwald. Marlene will never forgive
me." And he ran off toward the bistrot's door, scooping up his sword along the way.
"Well," said Jasper. "Welcome to Hamsterburg."
"My ale!" shouted Kraki after the departing swordsman.
Frowning mightily, he sat down and pulled over a plate of schnitzel. "Should have let
me kill him," he complained.
"But what about von Kremnitz?" demanded Sidney: "We
still haven't decided"
"Speak of the devil," said Jasper, putting down his dwarven
wine. Indeed, von Kremnitz was walking across the bistrot toward them, one hand on the
hilt of his йpйe, peering rather fiercely into each booth in turn, as if he expected to
come under attack at any moment. "I say, Leftenant," said Jasper loudly, the
green light zipping back and forth in an attempt to attract attention.
"Ah," said von Kremnitz, "here you are, my friends. I
have good news. My master, Hamish Siebert, Lord Mayor of this Most Serene Republic, will
grant you an audience as soon as you can come to the Maiorkest."
Guismundo Stantz, Minister of Internal Serenity, the Spider, whose web
spanned the world, who drew the unwary inward to their final destruction, master of a
hundred plots, the ears behind a thousand walls; Guismundo Stantz, secret master of
Hamsterburg, was resting. "Just. resting my eyes," he would have said, if anyone
had asked him what he was doing. That might, to an impartial observer, have seemed an
inadequate description. He was slumped far back in his chair, his head dangling at an
angle that would inflict a crick in his neck upon awakening, a line of drool suspended
from a slack mouth, vast flesh vibrating with his snores. "Snores," too, might
be thought inadequate; he roared, a sleepy lion.
About him clustered a dozen brass speaking tubes, curving away through
the walls to distant subordinates. Ten or twelve times a minute, the men and women at the
tubes' nether ends flinched as their ears were assaulted with a noise like that of the
sea, crashing with gale force against the rocks of the shore. None of them dared move too
far from their tubes, lest Stantz awaken suddenly and issue them an order.
Half the ministry knew that Stantz was, ah, resting, but none dared
awaken him. Men had died for less.
Stantz had spent two bad nights. On the first, there had been Wolfe,
and then the damned elven ambassador; on the second, a series of critical reports had kept
him glued to his desk. The Accommodationists were apparently plotting a coup d'etat, and
he still didn't know why. Two nights of inadequate sleep had finally caught up with him.
A shadow moved silently up and into the armchair that stood across the
desk from Stantz. Suddenly, Wolfe sat in the chair, wincing at the noise.
"Stantz," she shouted over the ocean's roar. "Wake up, man."
With the suddenness of a surfacing whale, Stantz jerked into
consciousness. He blinked sleepy eyes at the room, then said, "Morning, Ren. Just
resting my eyes."
"Resting them since morning, apparently," said Wolfe.
"It's late afternoon."
Stantz blinked. "Ah," he said, and reached up to shutterthe
speaking tubes; no need to have the rest of the ministry listen in on this. "And
how"
"I've been to the Drachehaus," said Wolfe tiredly. "Took
me hours to get in, and hours to get out; von Grentz's security is very tight."
"Well I know," muttered Stantz. "I've been trying to
penetrate it from this end."
"Any luck?" said Wolfe.
"Not much," said Stantz. "Broderick de Biddleburg, the
deposed regent of a little barony in the mountains, showed up at von Grentz's castle out
toward the Dzorz, in a snit about something. This was two weeks ago. He demanded to speak
with von Grentz; the next morning, the two of them and a company of soldiers headed out,
and came back with a mysterious somethingorother wrapped up in a tarpaulin."
"And then?"
"And then," said Stantz irritably, "our informant's
vital functions ceased."
Wolfe snorted. "Fenstermann must be unhappy."
Stantz looked quizzical. "Who?
"The torturer," said Wolfe. "Friend of mine."
"Why should he be unhappy?"
"He's a humanitarian," Wolfe explained. "Opposed to
torture on principle. Says a tortured subject will admit to anything just to"
"Damn it, Wolfe, are you telling me we employ a torturer with
moral scruples? What can Personnel be thinking of? How effective can he
possibly"
"He's very effective, Guismundo," said Wolfe. "I'm sorry
I brought it up. He's very skilled. His dad was a torturer, and his granddad before him;
it's a family tradition."
Stantz goggled, but sighed after a moment. "The Dungeon Division
operates fairly well," he said, rubbing his third chin. "A bad idea to
second-guess subordinates, anyway. So tell me about Drachehaus."
"Hmm? Oh, very severe lines, wouldn't be surprised if the
architect were a Son of the Morning. Only real ornamentation is a dragon, nicely carved,
above the main door. The grounds"
"Ren," said Stantz, "you may think it cute to be
purposefully obtuse, but I am a busy man"
"Busy sleeping," said Wolfe.
"Be that as it may," said Stantz. "I'm not interested in
the Drachehaus itself; I want to know what you learned inside the Drachehaus."
"You remember that rumor about the statue of Stantius? Some
adventurers in Athelstan supposedly found it, at about the time that the Scepter of
Stantius started glowingT'
"Yes, yes."
"Von Grentz has it."
"What ... the statue?"
"Yes," said Wolfe.
"Ah, the mysterious object under the tarp."
Wolfe shrugged. "Could be. But there's more."
"There generally is."
"Von Grentz wants to use it to make himself king."
Stantz blinked. "Not just mayor, but king? Of all humanity?"
"Righto," said Wolfe cheerfully. "He had a wizzo in to
talk about it, a lich"
"A lick?"
"Yes."
"Unusual," said Stantz. "There are few free lichs; most
are tied to their graves, some few enslaved to Arst-KaraMorn. Blazes, if they've got
their tentacles in thisbut why would they want von Grentz king? Von Grentz actually
thought that was possible?"
"He seemed quite hot on the notion. The lich was a little less
convinced, but seemed willing to give it a shot."
"Hmm," said Stantz. "Let's see if this makes sense.
VonGrentz gets hold of the statue. This changes the delicate balance of power among the
Hundred, so he attempts to assassinate Siebert, hoping to get elected mayor himself. This
doesn't work, so he starts to line up the rest of the Accommodationists to put over a
coup d'etat"
"What?"
"I have indications along those lines, yes. Von Grentz himself has
a small army, you know-traditional regiment, out Dzorz way. Guisardieres. Some of the
other noble Accommodationists do, too. The only military force in the capital is the Mayor
Foot Guard"
"Unless you count the watch," said Wolfe.
Stantz snorted. "Please," he said. "So while von Grentz
is hardheadedly maneuvering to seize power, he's simultaneously playing with mystical
folderol, to acquire divine sanction as Human King ... Hmm, you know, even if it proves
impossible, the symbolism is important. If he can claim to be Human King with any
authority, the mob"
"Yes," said Wolfe, "I see."
Stantz was silent for a long moment. "There's worse," he said
grimly.
Wolfe raised an eyebrow.
"I'm the villain of the piece," he said.
"You generally are," said Wolfe.
Stantz smiled. "Well, terror has its uses," he said.
"But I'm serious. We're picking up a whispering campaign; von Grentz has the statue
of Stantius, the Scepter of same is glowing, there shall be a new human king. By his
possession of the statue, von Grentz is marked out to become that man. The foul Spider,
Guismundo Stantz, attempted to assassinate the Lord Mayor Hamish, darling of the mob, and
plots against him still; von Grentz shall avenge Siebert's death, reach an understanding
with the East, abolish the draft, reduce taxation"
"Is this hypothetical?"
"No, it's all over the taverns," said Stantz. "Sets
things up nicely; they kill Siebert, pin it on me; by the time the coup d'etat occurs,
mobs turn out in the streets to support it. Half the nobility already supports the
Accommodationists; with Accommodationist troops in control of the town, the other half can
be purged"
"Soldiers going door to door with naked blades," said Wolfe.
"Blood running in the streets. We haven't had anything like that in three hundred
years"
"Correct," said Stantz, nodding sagely. "Our tradition
of assassination serves as a safety valve for political violence, obviating the need for
more extreme measures. Obviously, von Grentz must be stopped."
"But how?"
"We have to get the statue away from him," said Stantz.
"Is it in the Drachehaus?"
"Yes," said Wolfe. "But the place is a fortress."
Stantz shrugged. "You have carte blanche," he said.
"Spend whatever it takes. Assemble a team and get it. I shall expect it by
Friday."
"I've been up all night," she groused. "Can't it
wait?"
"Yes," said Stantz. "It can wait till tomorrow-Friday.
At which time, I shall expect to see Stantius safely in the Albertine Lodge."
"Explain to me again why this is so vital," said Wolfe
tiredly.
"The coup is scheduled for Sunday."
"So, in a pinch, the raid could be on Saturday."
Stantz grimaced. "Yes, yes," he said, "but it's foolish
to schedule something for the last possible moment."
"All right," said Wolfe. "Go back to sleep. Meanwhile,
I, sleepless, will labor onward."
Stantz snorted. "Haven't you heard?" he said. "The
Spider is everywhere. He never sleeps."
"No," said Wolfe. "He just rests his eyes."
It didn't occur to Wolfe until much later that she hadn'ttold Stantz
about the strange old man who had also, to all appearances, been spying on von Grentz.
"Is this really necessary?" demanded Timaeus in a harsh
whisper, his handkerchief to his nose in a largely futile attempt to keep out the dust. He
peered down toward his feet, trying to make out the next joist in the feeble light; he had
tripped once already, landing painfully across several joists, and had no desire to repeat
the experience. He put one hand to the dusty lath to steady himself, and flinched as he
dislodged bits of plaster, which rattled down the wall.
"Spies are everywhere," responded von Kremnitz, also
whispering, йpйe out and opal ring glowing. "Be careful."
"Yes, well, this isn't quite how one expects to be received by a
head of state," said Jasper, flitting on ahead and pausing at an intersection,
uncertain which way to proceed. "When you said `grant us an audience,' we did have
something rather grander in mind."
"I sure as hell wouldn't have put on this damned dress if I'd
known I'd be creeping around in the walls like a rat," snarled Sidney. Despite the
short notice, she had managed to find suitable garb at a couturiиre not far from the
pension; the seamstress had rapidly altered it to fit. It was black velvet with silver
trim, not her preferred manner of dress, but when you met lord mayors and such ... It was
smeared now with dust and cobwebs. Its only saving grace, as far as Sidney was concerned,
was that the Hamsterians expected both men and women to bear weapons; the dress had a
sling for a sword, and the sleeves were voluminous enough to permit her to carry throwing
knives. If she was condemned to wear this frippery, at least she could still go armed.
"We're nearly there," whispered von Kremnitz soothingly.
"In fact" He pressed his eyes to a peephole, and made a satisfied sound.
"I must merely find the control for the secret doorhere."
There was a clicking sound. Nothing happened. There was a clicking
sound again, then, somewhat frantically, the same sound three times in quick succession.
"It's not working," whispered von Kremnitz.
"Is hokay," said Kraki. "I fix." He pushed his way
past Timaeus and von Kremnitz to the door.
A loud voice reached their ears through the wall. "Von
Kremnitz," it said, "is that you?"
"Yes, my lord," said von Kremnitz, equally loudly.
"We're having some difficulty"
"Not to worry," said the voice. "I installed a lock.
Just a moment"
There was a crash. Laths and plaster flew; they squinted as light
flooded the secret passage. Kraki hurled through the ragged hole he had smashed in the
wall, into the Dandolo Room beyond, plaster dust and rubble flying everywhere.
"I am Kraki, son of Kronar," he roared, holding the point of
his mighty sword to Siebert's stomach. "Name yourself, or die."
The Lord Mayor held a tall glass of something bubbly in one hand, his
other hand halfway to the hilt of his rapier. Wisely, he refrained from moving his hand
any closer to the blade. "I am Hamish Siebert," he said, seemingly unalarmed,
"a simple man, but ruler of this city."
"Is hokay," Kraki allowed, sheathing his weapon in the
scabbard slung across his back and making toward the bar.
Siebert let loose a long breath, waving his free hand across his face
to waft away the plaster dust that hung in the air. "A rather unorthodox
entrance," he said. "You might have forewarned me, Leftenant."
"I am sorry, my lord," said von Kremnitz, on his knees before
the Lord Mayor. "May I present" And he introduced each of the others, in
turn.
Siebert seemed most interested in Sidney, whose hand he pressed to his
lips. "Charmed," he murmured, holding on to her hand far longer than was
necessary. Rather selfconsciously, Sidney brushed some of the cobwebs off her dress.
"Well, well, said Siebert, waving a hand toward the sideboard.
"Help yourself to a drink, if you like; no servants right now, in the interest of
discretion, albeit heaven knows how much discretion we can maintain. I've got the usual
wards against scrying, you know, but who knows if I can trust the wizards who cast them?
Adventurers in the grand style, what? Hauling things off to Arst-Kara-Morn, bearding the
Dark Lord in his lair sort of thing. Ah, youth.".
"Leftenant von Kremnitz has told you of our quest, then?"
asked Timaeus, bringing a finger toward his pipe.
"Yes, of course-must you light that beastly" There was
a bang. "Ah, well, never mind. You're all quite mad, you know."
"How so?" asked Jasper, settling down toward a couch.
"The good leftenant tells me you plan to free the spirit of
Stantius, hmm? Whereupon the gods will select a new Human King, or some damn thing, who'll
lead us on a glorious crusade to crush the nasty orcs. All very nice, gaiety and
celebration, up the side, and so forth. What happens if the Dark Lord takes it from
you?"
"The statue?" said Timaeus.
"Mmm," Siebert agreed, nose in his drink.
"Then," said Timaeus, "he'll use it to enslave humanity,
presumably the reason for capturing and binding Stantius's spirit in the first place.
We'll join the orcs, crush the elves and dwarves, and live as serfs and peons in a vast
evil empire for all time to come."
"Something like that, I imagine," said Siebert.
"Cheers." He took another long quaff, ice tinkling against the side of the
glass. "Is taking the statue to Arst-KaraMorn therefore the best idea in the
world?"
"Well, you know," said Jasper. "Legends foretell, fated
to do such and so, the traditions of the quest. Stiff upper lip, must do as duty
demands."
"And so forth," said Timaeus. "I'll have one of those;
what is it?"
"Genever and greep soda," said the Lord Mayor. "Very
pleasant, really:"
"Urg," said Timaeus. "Never mind, then. Kraki, some of
the single-malt, won't you?"
The barbarian, who had been sampling the bottles at the sideboard one
by one, peered at the selection until he found something that looked like a whisky. He
picked it up, made certain it was well stoppered, and hurled it at Timaeus. The wizard
only just brought his hands up in time to prevent it from bashing him in the head. He
unstoppered it, looked about for a glass, sighed, and took a swig from the open neck.
"So you can't be dissuaded?" said Siebert.
"Afraid not," said Timaeus.
"Oh, well," said Siebert cheerfully. "Sheer lunacy, to
be sure, but I don't imagine I'll be around to see the outcome in either event. The
important thing is to get the statue away from von Grentz before he can turn the Republic
into a charnel house."
"Right," said Nick. "And the first step is to find out
where he's got it."
"Ah, that I can tell you," said Siebert. "It's in the
Drachehaus, his mansion in the city. The leftenant can take you there, I imagine."
"How do you know it's there?" asked Sidney.
"The Minister of Internal Serenity has so informed me," he
said.
"The Spider?" protested von Kremnitz. "But he tried to
kill you! How can you trust "
"As to that, the good minister has been sending me these little
love notes," said Siebert. "He claims that poor von Krautz was actually
assassinated by the Graf von Grentz, who set Minister Stantz up to take the blame. He
claims, moreover, that von Grentz is plotting a coup, anda further attempt at
assassination. I'd been rather skeptical, but your own news about von Grentz and the
statue is independent corroboration, as are the reports that several Accommodationist
nobles are assembling their household troops not far from the city. I believe I'm
beginning to place some credence in Stantz's little theory."
"If you know where the statue is, can't you just order your army
to go and take it?" asked Nick.
Siebert raised an amused eyebrow. "Ah, the rashness of
youth," he said. "It isn't quite so easy, you see. `My army' would mean the
Mayoral Foot Guard; the rest is under the command of the Ministry of War, or the Arsenal,
or individual noble houses. Von Grentz has his mansion well defended; there would be a
pitched battle. I would immediately be accused by the Hundred Gentes of seeking to
overthrow the ancient and honorable rights of -all free citizens by forcibly entering a
gentleman's quarters and seizing his property without due process of law; a motion of
censure would be introduced, and possibly one of impeachment. That last would require
legal maneuvering; no one has actually introduced a motion of impeachment in the
Republic's history, although tradition permits it, since it's generally been considered
easier just to assassinate the individual in question. Actually, immediate assassination,
possibly by the very officers I order to carry out the attack, is the likeliest outcome of
any such attempt."
"Then you won't help us?" demanded Sidney.
"My dear!" Siebert protested. "You wound me to the
quick! Why, all of the resources at my command are at your disposal."
"What resources do you command?" asked Nick.
"There's the rub," said Siebert, smiling.
There was silence for a moment.
"See here" said Siebert. "Go to the Drachehaus, scout it
out. If possible, obtain clear evidence of von Grentz's treason. With hard evidence, I can
do much. Even without, perhaps I can help you obtain the wherewithal to invade von
Grentz's mansion and steal the statue from it the aid of a wizard or two, documents,
perhaps a few loyal soldiers. Once you know what you need, perhaps Guismundo Stantz can be
persuaded to assist us; but while I am happy to assist you as I can, without unduly
destabilizing my own precarious position, I have no magic wand, no helpful genie. You must
solve your own problems."
"Thanks a lot," said Nick.
Siebert shrugged. "Life is hard. Leftenant von Kremnitz, stay with
these people, and assist their however you may; you know how to contact me, if further
assistance is needed."
"Yes, my lord," said von Kremnitz.
"May we leave by the front door, please?" said Timaeus.
"I've had enough of scuttling through the walls like a roach."
"I see no harm in it," said Siebert. "And now, adieu,
farewell, stay not upon the hour of thy going." He turned to Sidney. "Do
come back and visit an old man sometime, my dear," he said, pressing her hand to his
breast. To Timaeus's vast surprise, she actually smiled back.
III.
Wolfe chanted a spell.
A near full moon shone down on the horses, the hansom cab, and its
top-hatted driver, casting sharp shadows against the cobblestones of the street. Across
the street, behind its iron fence, the Drachehaus stood amid carefully tended gardens.
Dark windows declared that nothing disturbed the slumber of those within.
"None of tha' magic, now, miss," said the hansom's driver
sleepily, waving his whip at Wolfe and her three companions. "My fare' ll be two
shillings, and I've an amulet 'gainst illusion. Yell "
With a gesture, Wolfe completed her spell: The carriage and its driver
flattened out, as if they had turned from rounded matter instantly to flat portrait; the
color leached from them, leaving shades of black and gray; the image distorted, as if it
were twisting down toward the shadow cast on the stones; and then they were gone.
Their shadow, etched against the cobbles, remained; a shadow, now, with
nothing to cast it. The whole had happened in a space of seconds.
Wolfe removed a pouch from her belt; it glowed silver in the moonlight,
an intricate pattern in black and white rippling across its surface. She chanted again, a
brief cantrip this time, and laid the pouch down on the cobblestones. Like water streaming
into a drain, the shadow was sucked into the pouch's confines. Wolfe pulled the drawstring
and knotted it with satisfaction, then left the pouch on the cobblestones and turned to
her three companions.
"Whhhhhhheeeeeeernrrrre," said the brown-robed earth mage,
scanning the street in confusion. Agent G nudged the pouch with the toe of her boot. The
troll waited patiently for Wolfe to tell him what to do.
"Aaaaaaammmmmmm," the earth mage said.
A warm breeze rustled leaves. Scattered clouds scudded across the moon.
It was late, past midnight. G gave the pouch a harder nudge, surprised that she had been
completely unable to budge it. Wolfe smiled faintly at that; the pouch contained two
horses, a hansom cab, and a rather beefy man. Wolfe could transform them into a shadow,
but that didn't diminish their weight. She had no qualms about leaving the pouch here
while they invaded the mansion; thieves might try to steal it in their absence, but she
doubted they'd have much luck.
"Iiiiiii?" said the earth mage.
"Quick on the uptake, isn't he?" said Agent G. She was a
corpulent, stringy-haired woman, clad for tonight's work in loose-fitting black clothes
and an amazing variety of weapons. At her belt were throwing stars, knives, and two
swords. Slung on her back was a small crossbow, a case of quarrels, and a rope with a
noose. And those were only the visible arms; others were secreted about her person. Wolfe
had been glad to get her: The agents of Internal Serenity came in three
states-individually lettered, individually numbered, and general releaseand of
these, the letteredagents were by far the most highly prized. Wolfe had expected to be
forced to settle for one of the more numerous numbered agents, but G had been at loose
ends and Wolfe had been able to commandeer her.
"Actually, he's a veritable speed demon," said Wolfe as she
held up a placard for the man to read. "Earth mages deal with phenomena that change
over geologic epochs. As they get older, their metabolism tends to slow down to suit.
There are some who move so slowly they can't even interact with the rest of human society
anymore." The earth mage had by now brought up his right hand and taken the placard
from Wolfe.
"I'll take your word for it," said G. "I thought this
was supposed to be fast in and fast out. How's that going to work with a guy who sprints
at a slow walk?"
The earth mage was slowly mouthing the words written on the placard:
"Please begin your spell."
"He's not going in with us," said Wolfe. "He's just
going to get us in."
"Past the wards?" asked G.
"That's the idea," said Wolfe.
The earth mage dropped the placard. He said the first syllable of a
Word, still looking a little confused.
"He starting the spell?" asked G.
"Yes," said Wolfe.
"Take him long?" asked G.
"We timed it," explained Wolfe. "It should take him
fifteen minutes, give or take a bit. We need to get prepared."
The earth mage finished the first syllable of his Word and started in
on syllable two.
"Yeah, okay," said G. "What about the troll?"
"Ook," said the troll. He wore a peculiarly heavy leather
harness, and carried no weapon other than a coil of thick rope.
"Chad's coming with us," said Wolfe. "The statue is
supposed to be heavy; we need muscle to haul it out, and they don't come much stronger
than trolls."
G sighed. "Trolls," she said.
"Ook!" said Chad. "Trust Chad. Chad good troll."
"He'll be fine," Wolfe said irritably.
G snorted but made no reply. She was watching the earth mage, who drew
a deep breath; he had actually completed the first Word of his spell. He began to drone
the first syllable of the next.
Wolfe glanced at the moon. "Maybe another ten minutes," she
said.
"Dragons," said Nick forebodingly.
"Vhere?" said Kraki, drawing his enormous blade with a
scritch of steel and adopting a ready stance.
Nick pointed to the carving above the Drachehaus's main door: a dragon
segreant.
Kraki peered at it mistrustfully, perhaps expecting it to come to life.
"Von Grentz's arms, I expect," said Timaeus. "You may
recall that his guisardieres bore a similar badge."
"I don't like it," Nick said. "There weren't supposed to
be any dragons."
"'There aren't," said Sidney. "It's just a
carving."
"I still don't like it," complained Nick. "If the dragon
is his symbol, he might have. one around here somewhere." "In the midst of a
human city?" said Jasper. "Don't be absurd. It would have half the town in
flames."
"Sure," said Nick. "Don't pay any attention to me. What
do I know? I'm just saying"
"Oh, bosh," said Timaeus, knocking his pipe against a section
of cast-iron fence. Charred pipeweed fell from the bowl and onto the slate of the street.
"Do calm down, there's a lad."
"Don't do that," said Nick. "Any mansion that big has
got magical wards. Touching the fence might doanything-set off alarms, trigger a magical
assault, wake up the dragon . . ."
"There's no dragon, Pratchitt," said Timaeus somewhat
irritably, thumbing more weed into his meerschaum. "Anyway, would you make your wards
so sensitive as to register the thump of a pipe, or someone brushing up against the fence
while strolling down the street? You'd run your guards ragged, charging out to investigate
every stray sparrow or inattentive pedestrian."
"Still," said Jasper thoughtfully, hovering just shy of the
fence, "the lad has a point. We durst not cross the fence without preparation. If the
graf in truth has our statue within his mansion, it will be well protected; our only hope
of snatching it is to get in quickly, without triggering alarms, and get out equally
fast."
"Pole-vault over fence," suggested Kraki. "Run like
damn."
"Hell," said Nick.
"Vhat?" said Kraki.
"Run like hell."
"Yah," said Kraki. "That's vhat I said."
"No, you said"
"Pole-vaulting won't do it," said Sidney. "Ward effects
usually extend upward, as well as along a fence or wall. You'd probably trigger something
even if you never actually touched the fence."
"How high upward?" asked Frer Mortise.
"Why?" said Sidney.
Mortise coughed. "I am able, in the light of the moon, to
transform myself into an owl. I might fly over the fence."
"A thought, Brother," said Sidney deferentially, "but
skulking about a mansion in search of valuables is more in my line than yours. More than
once, I've gotten into a warded building in the guise of a cat. You don't want your wards
to register animals, after all, or your guards would go charging out after the local
mousers seven or eight times a night."
"Perhaps so," said Jasper, "but the wards might be set
to detect the passage of a sapient mind, or a concentration of magicand your
therianthropy is a form of magic, after allin which case you'd set them off, even as
a cat."
"You're a were?" demanded von Kremnitz of Sidney, his face
bearing a faint expression of disgust. Therianthropy was magically associated with chaos,
and in the minds of the ignorant, especially, this meant with evil; von Kremnitz had a
trace of the common prejudice against shapechangers.
"Yeah," Sidney said belligerently. "Want to make
something of it?"
Von Kremnitz cleared his throat, and hastily turned to Jasper.
"Why don't you just read the minds of those within the mansion?" he asked.
"I've already tried, but as I expected, the mansion is warded
against just such a thing," said Jasper. "Most noblemen, especially those with
political ambitions, protect themselves against the more common methods of scrying."
"Really," said Timaeus, pipe full but unwilling to light it
with the concomitant explosion and the attention it might draw, "we ought to retreat
and plan this assault in more detail. Nice to know the place is here, would be nicer to be
certain that the statue's in it, but an impromptu attack on a well-defended site with no
preparation strikes me as"
"Why don't I just run a recce?" said Jasper, spiraling
upward. "I'll try to fly over the wards myself"
"No," Sidney said, raising her voice to reach him as he rose.
"Magical flight is common enough, you're bound to trigger"
The earth mage completed his last slow gesture, spake his last slow
Word. The bricks of the street buckled upward, then fountained aside in a shower of dirt.
Where they had been stood a lumpen, earth-colored, vaguely humanoid shape, hulking and
massive: an earth elemental, a gnome.
The earth mage began keeninga long, low, sustained note. After a
few seconds, he changed pitch.
"What's he doing?" asked G.
"Chanting," said Wolfe. "He needs to tell the elemental
what to do."
"Public Works isn't going to like that," said G, nodding
toward the gaping hole in the road.
Wolfe snorted. "Come on, G," she said, "you going to
tell them who did it?"
"Ook?" said the troll.
"Yes, Chad?" said Wolfe.
"When do we go?" asked the troll.
"Soon," said Wolfe. Under the mage's direction, the gnome had
turned to face the fence. Now it was sinking back into the earth, as if gradually merging
with it, the magician keening still.
At last the gnome had disappeared within the hole its appearance had
caused. Bricks adjacent to the hole buckled upward; dirt began to fly out of the hole in
an arc away from the fence, pattering into a growing pile on the sidewalk across the
street. More bricks buckled upward, as a low berm began to extend from the hole toward the
fence surrounding the Drachehaus. The berm intersected the sidewalk; slate flags tilted at
sharp angles. Then the berm passed underneath the cast-iron fence and into the garden
beyond.
"Big mole," said the troll. He was right, Wolfe thought; the
berm looked like nothing so much as a gigantic molehill.
Inside the fence, the berm extended into the roots of an enormous
rhododendron, which tilted up and sideways, coming down on its side with a rustle of
leaves and the faint cracks of twigs. A few moments later, there was a shower of dirt
within the, garden, and the gnome's lumpen shape appeared, shedding soil like water.
"Come on," said Wolfe, and stepped into the tunnel the gnome
had dug.
"Fear not," said Jasper faintly from above. "I'll be
back in a jiffy. Ta-ta." The green light darted inward, across the fence.
Almost instantly, from within the mansion there came a faint brass
sound: the unmistakable noise of a gong. Jasper flitted onward, apparently oblivious to
the alarm. Again the gong sounded.
Sidney Stollitt cursed, her words ending in an annoyed cat's hiss. She
twined through the bars and scampered across the lawn.
"Hokay," said Kraki. "Might as vell be hanged for a
sheep as a frying pan." He swarmed up and over the fence.
Nick seized the bars of the fence. "Idiot," he shouted after
Kraki. "You've got about as much sense as a sheep. You'll-oh, hell." He
clambered up the fence himself, dropped to the nether side, and sprinted after Kraki.
Timaeus, concluding that since the alarm had been given there was no
longer any reason not to light his pipe, brought his finger toward the bowl.
There was an explosion; Mortise, startled, transformed into an owl and
flitted after the others. The flames about Timaeus's head dissipated after a moment, the
fire mage puffing happily.
Pablo von Kremnitz was running up and down the fence, йpйe in hand,
rather wild-eyed. "What . . . ?" he sputtered. "They've .. . We've got
to"
"We've got to do nothing," said Timaeus. "If they
want to act like fools, it's not our responsibility to bail them out."
"Ye gods, I thought you people had at least an iota ofsense,"
protested von Kremnitz. "No coordination, no plan, no-it's disastrous!"
"Didn't we pass an alehouse a block or two back?" asked
Timaeus. "Whisky sounds attractive about now."
"Surely we had better do something," von Kremnitz said.
"Well, you know," said Timaeus apologetically, "sneaking
about is not exactly my mйtier. Blowing things up is rather more in my line."
The gong had been sounding continuously. From somewhere on the
mansion's grounds, there came a curious noise, like a deep barking or a low roar.
"Sneaking about?" said von Kremnitz incredulously. "I'd
say any element of sneakiness has long since been lost. And subtlety is not exactly your
man Kraki's strong suit."
"Point taken. No reason not to take more drastic measures,
then?" said Timaeus.
"I should say not," said von Kremnitz.
"Oh, well then," said Timaeus. He chanted briefly and pointed
a finger at the cast-iron bars. He swept the finger back and forth in long strokes,
melting a line across the fence. Severed sections of iron fell out, some hitting the
earth, others striking the sidewalk with clangs. "After you," said Timeaus,
gesturing courteously toward the opening.
"After you," said von Kremnitz, responding in kind.
"No, no," said Timaeus, "after you, my dear
chap."
Wolfe examined the gnome's tunnel. It was low; she'd need to crawl
through on hands and knees. And that meant she'd get covered with dirt. She grimaced
fastidiously, but crouched down-and at that moment, a gong sounded from within the
Drachehaus.
Wolfe checked. What had set off the alarm? The gnome's passage
shouldn't have done it. And indeed, she realized, it had not; the gnome had appeared
within the garden well before the alarm had sounded. "Something's gone wrong,"
she said.
"Uhhhhhhh," said the earth mage.
"I thought you said you'd checked the wards thoroughly," said
G.
"I did!" Wolfe protested. "The ward effect doesn't
extend underground. The gnome shouldn't have"
"We're screwed, Wolfe," said G.
"Ohhhhhhh," said the earth mage.
"We don't have a choice," said Wolfe, dropping to hands and
knees. Soft earth compressed beneath her palms; the tunnel smelled of rich loam. Wolfe
contemplated the likely presence of small, wiggly things.
"This is lunacy," said G. "We're discovered. We
daren't "
"Nnnnnnnoooooooowwwwwww," said the earth mage.
"Shut up and follow me," said Wolfe. "Stantz wants the
statue by tomorrow morning. It's my ass if he doesn't have it.
"Tough for you," said G.
"Tough for you," said Wolfe, "if you want to keep
on working for the Ministry."
G's lips twisted into a snarl. She'd been involved in too many
sensitive affairs; if the Ministry ever felt she was no longer to be trusted, she wouldn't
live long. Wolfe was not merely threatening her livelihood, but her life.
"Whhhhhhhaaaaaaat," said the earth mage.
Briefly, G contemplated the possibility of killing Wolfe; killed in
action, yes, with only G escaping to tell the doleful tale. But it was too chancy, to kill
an ally while penetrating enemy territory.
"Dooooooo," said the earth mage.
Wolfe had disappeared into the tunnel. G stepped down into the hole and
got onto her knees. The fact that she'd get dirty bothered her not at all; to the
contrary, dirtsmeared on face and hands would merely make her harder for the enemy to see
in this dim light.
"Ook," said Chad worriedly, clambering into the tunnel.
"Iiiiiiii," said the earth mage. Slowly, he blinked. They
were gone. "Dooooooooo," he said, finishing the sentence. What should he
do now?
That was the problem in dealing with hasty folk. They had such short
attention spans. Always running off and leaving you standing around at the site of a
felony.
He sighed for several minutes. Well, something would no doubt happen
within the next few (apparent) seconds; either Wolfe would be back, or someone would
arrest him, or perhaps someone would try to kill him.
Experimentally, the earth mage said, "I surrender," as
quickly as he was able. It was most unsatisfactory; why were though so damned many
syllables in "surrender"? Dreadful word for the purpose; you'd think there'd be
something simpler. "Uncle," he said. Would that do?
The moment Jasper crossed the line of the fence, he heard a distant
gong. "Bother," he muttered; apparently he hadn't been sufficiently high. Or
possibly the wards extended up and over the mansion, a hemispheric effect; he'd heard of
such things before.
Well, he was still invisible, mostly, and still capable of flying
rather quickly; and he had his magic powers. Reconnaissance was still feasible. He could
get into the house and find someone in charge, read a mind or two, and find out where the
statue was.
Sidney shouted something at him. Surely they wouldn't be so foolish as
to follow him? Well, with any luck he'd only be a minute. If they were such idiots as to
cross the fence after him, they'd provide a useful diversion. He'd be back momentarily,
and they could all scoot back to the pension for a late meal. A split or two of champagne
would go very well, Jasper thought.
He zipped through the still night air. It was late enough that the
crickets had ceased their racket. There was no noise, other than that infernal gong and
the hoot of an owl behind him. Confound it, not Mortise, I hope, he thought. There was an
open window at the bottom floor, a drape blowing gently out into the night as the house
exhaled warm air into cooling darkness. Jasper flitted for the window
There was a sudden impact. Jasper's head and knees smarted something
fierce. His vision dimmed for a moment, and when it gradually returned, little things
danced in the edges of his sight. He was lying headlong on the grass.
He brought up a hand to look at it, but was relieved to see he was
still invisible. Or rather, only his flame remained, the green light at the center of his
being; it marked, so he had been told, his soul. He rose back into the air and moved
toward the window once more, poking gingerly toward it with a hand.
To all appearances, the window was wide open. And the drape waved
through it without obstruction. He sensed a magic there, a diffuse one: another damned
ward, this one not along the fence, but protecting the mansion itself.
A ward against magical flight, he thought? Or invisible things? Or-or
what?
Jasper de Mobray felt his rings. Rings on his fingers and bells on his
toes; well, no bells, actually, but he had rings aplenty. Ten fingers, ten rings. Given a
decade or two as an adventurer, one tended to accumulate all sorts of magic items. This
one stored magic power; this one commanded Damon; that gave him flight; this
invisibility.... Very useful, Jasper's rings.
And he'd worn them so long their effect was redoubled. Magic is
effected through similarity; his rings had been so long on his fingers, were so intimately
associated with himthat they were similar, in some sense, to his very soul. And so their
effect was intensified, when he used their powers.
But similarity was a double-edged sword. They were so damned similar it
was hard to take them off.
Physically hard, too, Jasper thought, feeling his knuckles. He was no
longer as young, or as svelte, as he once had been.
Jasper de Mobray sat on the grass before the Drachehaus, left hand
twisting the ring on the middle finger of his right, grunting with strain as he tried to
pull it off. The damn thing would not come. It would not come. He must get it off; it was
the ring that gave him flight. With it off, perhaps he could get through the window. Or it
if wasn't that one that barred him, perhaps the left index finger was the one, the ring of
invisibility. He hadn't had it off in, oh, a decade at least, but, well, there it was.
Damnation, thought Jasper, yanking with all his might, have the damned things grown roots?
In the distance, there was the baying of hounds.
Kraki clambered up an elm, out on a limb, and into a second-story
window.
"Oh, my goodness," gasped a woman's voice. "It's my
husband!"
Kraki watched with interest, one foot over the windowsill. A naked
young man exploded out of the four-poster bed, covers flying. He snatched at his clothes
and ran toward the window, colliding with Kraki. For a moment he looked as if he were
about to faint, but then steadied. "I don't believe so," he said, "not
unless your husband has somehow magically transformed into a half-naked savage with an
enormous sword. Anyhow, there's two of them."
"What?" said Kraki, and looked around. Nick was pulling his
way through the window after him. "Hallo, Nickie," he said.
A blond-curled head stuck out from between the curtains of the bed and
surveyed the scene at the window. "Oh," she said. "I heard the gong; are
they barbarian reivers, you think? Traveling by longboat far upriver to plunder the riches
of Hamsterburg?"
"Sure, doll," said Nick, eyeing her with interest.
"That's us."
Kraki drew his sword and faced the young woman's lover. "Scream
and I kill you," he said genially.
"I say," said the young man, "that's rather extreme,
don't you think?"
"Egbert," said the woman in a scared voice, "they're
going to ravish me! You must protect me!"
The young man started a bit at this and looked about, as if hoping to
spy someone else on whom he might fob off the job. "Um, yes," he said. "I
suppose. Look here, my good man, there'll be no ravishment here today. Pillaging, yes, all
right, we can put up with a bit of pillage here and there; burning, well, if you must,
although we'd really rather you didn't, you know. But rapine is right out. I'm going to be
very firm on that."
Ignoring him, Nick sat down on the woman's bed and took her hand.
"Now, now," he said soothingly. "That's not our way at all, you know. We
barbarian reivers really aren't such bad sorts, you know; we just get bad press."
"I must ask you to leave," Egbert said firmly.
"Piss off, shorty," said Nick.
Dismissing Egbert and the blonde as threats, Kraki ran lightly across
the room to its only door. He opened it a crack and peered down the hall. There seemed to
be only one person in the hallway, an elderly man in nightgown and slippers, holding a
lamp in one hand and a stick of some kindKraki guessed it to be a wandin the
other. "Be qviet," Kraki said. "Vhere is statue?"
"Statue?" said the young man, still naked, holding his
balled-up clothes in one hand. "I don't know of anyunless you mean the bronze
fawn by the koi pond."
"Oh, that thing Gerlad has been pottering about with," said
the woman dismissively, gong continuing in the distance. "I haven't the faintest idea
where it is. He's been very conspiratorial about it, heaven knows why. It's probably in
the vault. Or possibly the potting shed."
The old man in the hall had reached the door, and now spoke.
"Millicent?" he said, pushing on the door. "Are you all right? Devil knows
what's going on with this racket."
"Oik," squeaked the young man, and threw himself out the
window. There was a loud thud and a groan as he hit the ground, apparently having missed
the limb of the elm tree.
Kraki had unthinkingly resisted the old man's shove against the door,
and the oldster, now alarmed that an ajar door should not open easily, hurled himself into
it, shoulder first.
Kraki stood away. When the old man's shoulder hit the door, it resisted
not at all. The door smashed open, the old man tripping over the rug just inside and
stumbling headlong across the room. He dropped the lamp, which smashed on the floor,
spilling oil, and, arms flailing, flung his wand upward.
Unable to halt himself before staggering the full length of the room,
the old man stumbled into the knee-height windowsill and hurtled out the window.
Kraki had thought that the wand was made of wood, but it must have been
of porcelain or some similar substance. It dropped in a long arc onto the bricks of the
hearth, where, as Kraki watched, it smashed to flinders.
The magic energy contained in the wand was instantly discharged in a
brilliant, noiseless flash. Kraki had the misfortune to be looking directly toward the
actinic glare.
From outside, there was another thump and a loud "Ouch!" as
the old man hit the ground. "I say," said the old man after a moment, "very
decent of you to break my fall, Egbert."
"Ahglad to oblige," said the young man.
"Although," said the old man, voice tinged with sudden
suspicion, "how is it that I find you here, half-clad, beneath my wife's
window?"
"Vhere are lights?" said Kraki, whipping his head from side
to side. He couldn't see anything except for a large, blue orb, hanging in the darkness
before his eyes.
"You're blinded," said Nick. "The flash. Me too, I'm
afraid."
"That makes three of us," said Millicent. "Are you going
to ravish me now?"
Nick considered this. It was an attractive proposition in a way; on the
other hand, mere physical release had never interested him particularly. It was the
pursuit, and its successful conclusion that aroused him; the proof that he was found
desirable, the guilty pleasure in cuckolding other men. Actually, he found the notion of
rape rather distasteful. No, he regretfully concluded, he wasn't going to ravish the fair
Millicent. Just not his style. Besides, he really ought to stick with Kraki ...
The hand he had been holding wriggled out of his own and began to
caress his leg.
Hmm. Then again ... Nick grinned into darkness. "Ha ha," he
said. "I have you now, my lovely."
"You devil," said Millicent breathlessly, sitting up and
pressing her bosom against his chest. "I beg you, be gentle."
The gnome froze. After a moment, its nose fell off. Little clods of
dirt pattered to the lawn. G poked it with a finger; it was, she saw, no longer animate,
nothing but a vaguely humanoid pile of earth.
"This way," said Wolfe, briskly pushing through some
hydrangeas. G and the troll followed. Lights had appeared in the mansion ahead; people
were shouting, and somewhere dogs barked excitedly. G scowled, reluctant to press on as it
became increasingly obvious that their target was alerted.
Wolfe halted suddenly, wiping at her dirt-smeared face with an equally
filthy sleeve. G stumbled into her from behind. "What is it?" said G, peering
over Wolfe's shoulder.
A door at the rear of the house had opened. From it, dogs ran.
Not mere dogs, G saw; they were the size of ponies, their foreheads
low, their eyes aflame. From their massive fangs, blue fire dripped toward the ground, the
incandescent slaver burning points of black into the lushness of the lawn: hellhounds. The
animals ran toward them.
G was prepared to face almost anything, but fearsome demonic monsters
rather larger than she were low on the list. She hesitated almost a full second before
reaching for her weapons. Even that, she suspected, was a futile gesture; the beasts would
be on them in instants, would tear them to shreds, would
Would turn and tear around the corner of the house?
G blinked in astonishment. Whom were they after? Could von Grentz's
wards possibly have misread where the fence had been breached? Ormight there be a
second set of intruders? "What's going on?" G demanded.
"How the hell should I know?" said Wolfe irritably.
"Maybe we're being suckered. Maybe they decided to teach a door-to-door salesman a
lesson. Or maybe von Grentz just decided now was a nice time to play with the
doggies."
She left the cover of the hydrangeas, sprinting toward the rear of the
house. G and Chad followed, pounding across well-groomed sod. They joined Wolfe flat
against the stone wall of the building, out of sight of any door or window. Just to their
right, a stairway led downward to a cellar door. "Just a minute," said Wolfe.
She concentrated a bit and disappeared. A shadow slid under the cellar door.
"Where she go?" asked Chad nervously.
"To unlock the door from inside, I expect," said G. She, too,
felt a little anxious; they were too exposed, out here against the wall.
Sidney sprinted from the shelter of the rosebush across a bed of iris
and under a weeping hemlock. Ahead of her, cubits away yet, she saw Kraki swing from the
limb of an elm tree and onto the sill of a second-story window, Nick clambering up the
tree behind him. Of the others there was no sign, although somewhere hooted an
owlFrer Mortise?
That gong sounded again and again. Lights were going on in the mansion,
and somewhere men shouted and dogs howled.
Then an excited barking began. Around the corner of the house, a half
dozen hounds hurtled, paws eating up the sod.
Sidney yowled and leaped for a branch of the hemlock, clawing her way
high up the trunk. Below, the hounds leaped and snapped, eyes glowing brilliant red in the
darkness.
They were no mere dogs, she saw: pony-sized, eyes aflame, blue flame
flickering about their jaws. She'd never seen hellhounds in the flesh before.
One howled in frustration at its inability to climb the tree; it
tensed, holding a point, and made a curious coughing sound.
Flames roared from its mouth, up into the branches of the tree. Leaves
curled and blackened where flame touched them. Sidney felt the whiskers on one side of her
face singe, and yowled again, leaping higher into the tree.
She wondered what to do. She might turn human once again, but her
weapons, like her clothes, were back outside the fence. Treed, she thought in
self-disgust, how amateurish.
Sidney glowered at the hellhounds below. The fool creatures wouldn't
give up; they leaped and snapped at her, but she was far too high for them to get her, and
their blasts of fire merely denuded the lower branches of needles. She was safe, for the
nonce, but ...
One hellhound stood on its hind legs and reached up the trunk. It
seemed to concentrate; as Sidney watched, its claws began visibly to grow. After a moment,
it dug those now sharp claws into the tree, gave a little growl of satisfaction, and
hoisted itself upward, hind claws scrabbling until they, too, found purchase. Doggedly, it
reached higher again. Its progress was painfully slow; even with enhanced claws, it was
not designed to be a climbing creature.
A second beast was climbing now, on the trunk's opposite side. They
whined in expectation, blue-burning slaver running down the sides of their snouts, eyes
glowing hateful red in the darkness.
Sidney leapt from one branch to another, but realized she had nowhere
to go. There were other trees in the garden, but none close enough for her to reach.
Sidney gave a small, worried meow.
Frer Mortise flitted through the night air, hooting morosely. A mouse
scurried through a flowerbed, down below; he fought a powerful urge to dive, seize it in
his claws, and bite off its head with his sharp beak. He mustn't give in to such
instincts, he told himself; he had more important concerns.
Exactly what they might be, however, he couldn't quite say. He was out
of his league here and knew it, a simple hedge priest lost in the big city. His night
vision was excellent, and his height gave him a better vantage than any of the others. He
saw soldiers forming up on the house's front steps. He saw the hellhounds, clustered about
a tree. He saw Jasper's green light, motionless before a window, and von Kremnitz and
Timaeus strolling through the gar; den in leisurely fashion, as if out to sniff the night
air. And at the rear of the house, he saw what seemed to be an enormous molehill, and a
troll and a woman standing flat against the wall.
He could see a great deal, but what it all meant, and exactly what he
should do, he could not say.
IV.
Koi swam in the pond. A steady stream of water emerged from the fawn's
mouth and dripped into the pool. "Very nice," said Timaeus, strolling past and
puffing contentedly.
"Come on," said von Kremnitz. "I hear dogs."
Indeed, in the distance there was a howling.
"I've got a spell prepared," said Timaeus. "Never
fear."
They rounded a privet-more of a tree than a bush, a huge old plant
bursting with the exuberance of springand the mansion's main door came into sight.
"Hullo!" said Timaeus. A score or more of soldiers stood there; swordsmen,
mainly, though one or two held guisards, apparently a favorite weapon of von Grentz's
followers. A man with a severe haircut, barefoot but wearing a breastplate, ordered them
into some semblance of formation. And a petite woman in a red robe stood nearby, yawning
into her hand.
"Well," said Timaeus, "can't have this." He
released his prepared spell.
A fireball tumbled toward the soldiers. The red-robed woman looked up
in alarm and started to shout something, but before she could complete her spell, flames
exploded.
Thick smoke drifted across the garden, providing some cover for von
Kremnitz and Timaeus. They sprinted away, toward the corner of the house. The woman in red
was obviously a mage, and equally obviously it made no sense to remain where she had last
seen them.
Their caution was rewarded; behind them, a bolt of flames ripped a
nasty hole in the privet. "Fire mage," said Timaeus in some surprise, panting as
he ran.
"Von Grentz had one at Weintroockle, remember," said von
Kremnitz. "Where he ambushed the elves ... What the devil?"
Beasts were clustered around the weeping hemlock tree ahead of them,
peering upward into its branches. The creatures wheeled to face the approachers. They were
enormous, as high at the shoulder as von Kremnitz's chest; eyes glowed crimson in the
night.
"Hellhounds," said Timaeus. "Delay them." Gesturing
with pipe in one hand, he began to chant.
"Delay them?" said von Kremnitz incredulously, surveying the
rippling muscles, the enormous fangs, the blue fire playing about their muzzles. One of
the monsters peered upward into the hemlock tree, while three others paced toward them.
"Personally, I'm more inclined toward headlong flight."
Rather irritably, Timaeus broke off his spell. "Hellhounds are
fire-aligned," he said. "I have some power over themat least I will, if
you delay them long enough for me to complete my spell." He took up his chant again.
"Yes, very well," von Kremnitz said resignedly, drawing his
йpйe. One of the monsters suddenly ran three paces and launched itself into a leap, at
least a dozen stone of viciousness hurtling across space. Von Kremnitz ducked underneath
the hound and stabbed upward with his йpйe, ripping a line of blood down its belly. The
beast landed awkwardly, howled, spun on four legs, and charged again. Von Kremnitz turned
to face it, realizing immediately that this might be a mistake; from behind, he heard the
patter of paws as the other two hounds charged. He was surrounded.
He whirled again to face the two charging monsters, hoping the injured
one would be sufficiently delayed by its wounds that he might deal with the other two
first. Not, to be sure, that he thought he could defeat two of the beasts at once; but it
seemed his best strategy.
To his surprise, the two charging beasts separated and began to circle
him, rather than pressing home their charge. He danced about, trying to keep an eye on all
three of the monsters simultaneously; soon they halted, and glanced at one another.
Von Kremnitz realized that he was now encircled by the three, the
monsters spaced at equal distances about the circle, separated by 120 degrees each. One of
them gave a whine.
All three went into a point. Three black noses pointed directly toward
von Kremnitz, three blue-fired bodies straining.
He wondered what this portended. It didn't take long to find out: The
hounds breathed fire.
Three long tongues of blue flame darted inward. One, von Kremnitz might
dodge; two, he might duck; but three- He flung himself away. Behind, three blue flames met
and splashed out in a fireball, smaller than Timaeus's, but quite as deadly.
He stumbled, fell to the sod in a somersault, and lost his йpйe in
the lawn. That was disastrous, but at least he had not been incinerated. He sprang to his
feet, somehow retaining his dagger, and spun
By all the gods, he thought. They work better togetherthan we. The
three beasts ran around him clockwise now; it was difficult to keep track of all three at
once.
Behind, Timaeus continued his chant; von Kremnitz could almost feel
power gathering about the mage.
The wounded beast broke from the circle and lunged toward him; von
Kremnitz stabbed toward the head with his dagger and dealt it another, glancing wound-but
the effort threw him to one side. Immediately, another hound landed on his back, driving
him face down into the lawn.
He had his dagger still, but face down, hundredweights of beast on his
back, it was no use to him. Heart in throat, he flailed desperately, trying to throw off
the beast, expecting its massive fangs to crush his skull at any instant, or to lift him
by the nape of his neck and rip open his jugular but instead, there were sudden snarls.
He turned his head far enough to see two hounds faced off above him.
They seemed, he thought, to be contesting the right to administer the coup de grace. The
one on his back evidently thought that capturing him gave it that honor; the other,
injured, apparently felt its wounds entitled it to the kill.
Where was the third hound? he wondered. He turned his head to the other
side and saw Timaeus, chanting, smoke from his pipe writhing about his head in arcane
patterns. The third hound was charging directly toward the wizardand von Kremnitz
despaired. Timaeus's spell was their only forlorn hope. Von Kremnitz stared in horror as
the hound leapt toward Timaeus, the monster's fangs dripping blue fire as it opened its
mouth to rip out the unarmed wizard's throat
Timaeus leapt directly toward the charging hellhound and smashed it on
the nose with his pipe. "Bad dog!" he cried.
To von Kremnitz's astonishment, the beast cringed, put its head on the
ground between its paws, thrust up its rump, and wagged its tail from side to side in the
manner of a puppy chastised for fecal incontinence.
Timaeus had completed his spell.
He strode across the lawn toward von Kremnitz, shouting, "No! Bad
doggie!" at the two monsters that kept the swordsman pinned.
They backed away from von Kremnitz. One of the hellhounds whined
unhappily, tongue lolling between bluefired fangs.
Timaeus reached down to give von Kremnitz a hand up. "Look as if
you were having a bit of a bad spell, there," he said. "You all right, old
man?"
"Right as rain," said a white-faced von Kremnitz, trembling
slightly.
Timaeus turned back to the hellhounds, and said firmly, "Go home!
Go home! Go to kennel, d'ye hear me?"
The monsters whined and wagged their tails sluggishly, as if asking for
reprieve, but Timaeus was firm, repeating his command and pointing across the lawn. At
last they loped away, peering forlornly behind.
Only one hound remained: the one staring upward into the hemlock tree.
Von Kremnitz and Timaeus moved toward it, to finish the job; surprised, they saw that it
was not the last hound after all. Two more were well up the hemlock, climbing awkwardly
higher, snarling at something still higher in the tree.
"Go home," Timaeus said firmly to the one on the ground and,
reluctantly, it did. Timaeus turned his face upward, toward the beasts in the tree, and
shouted, "Down! Down, boy!" To von Kremnitz's eye, the creatures' gender was not
immediately apparent, but he was willing to defer to Timaeus's superior knowledge.
The beasts looked down at them. One tried to back down the tree but
lost its grip, falling onto a branch with a crack, and then heavily to the ground. The
other, seeing this, actually leapt, from at least a dozen cubits in the air,onto the lawn.
The force of its leap rocked the upper branches of the tree, and Sidney fell out with a
yowl, managing to land on her feet not far from von Kremnitz.
"I say," said Timaeus cheerfully, "it's raining cats and
dogs."
"It's Miss Stollitt," said von Kremnitz in relief. He
sheathed his dagger and tucked her under one arm.
Chad, G could see, was getting more nervous by the minute. His employer
had disappeared, they were in the midst of burglarizing the mansion of one of
Hamsterburg's most powerful men, he was exposed against the wall, that alarm continued to
ring, and from somewhere came the continued snarls and howls of the hounds. He had reason
to be nervous, G supposed.
"It'll just be a minute," she said soothingly.
And then, from off across the mansion's grounds, there came an
explosion: a flash of red light, a deep bass boom. It gave even G a start, but Chad leapt
high in the air and came down running, directly away from the mansion. G recognized the
cause of the disturbance almost immediately: Someone had cast a fireballnot a
particularly unexpected eventuality, as Wolfe had reported that von Grentz employed a fire
mage by the name of Rottwald. The fireball disturbed G less than the departure of Chad;
they needed his muscle to get the damned statue out. Before he had taken three strides, G
snatched a lead-weighted rod from her belt and spun it toward Chad's legs. The rod had its
intended effect; Chad stumbled and fell.
"Come here, you idiot," said G. "We've an amulet against
fireballs. If you're as yellow as this" Somewhat shamefacedly, Chad got to his
feet and returned to the wall. "Chad not yellow," he protested. "Chad
green. With brown splotches. See?"
G sighed. Actually, she couldn't see, not by moonlight.
The cellar door swung open at last. Wolfe stood within it. "In
here," she whispered.
"What took you so long?" G whispered, following Wolfe into
pitch darkness.
"Sorry," Wolfe whispered, off to the left. "This
way." Even after a few seconds to let her eyes adjust, G could see nothing. She
headed "this way"and walked into something, hard enough to bruise her
forehead. There was a movement in the air as whatever she had struck toppled over, then a
tremendous crash, the tinkle of glass, and a sudden strong smell of wine. Red wine,
thought G; a fullbodied one, possibly an Alcalan.
"G, you oaf," said Wolfe, in a whisper that came as close to
a shout as a whisper is capable of coming. "What the hell "
"It's pitch dark in here," protested G. "I can't see a
thing."
"I see hokay," said Chad conversationally from behind her.
"Shhh!" hissed Wolfe.
"Of course he can see okay," whispered G. "He's a troll.
And you're a shadow mage. But I've got no magic; it's black as the Dark Lord's heart in
here."
"Here," whispered Wolfe, managing somehow to imbue the
whisper with a wealth of irritation. After a moment, a wan point of light appeared in the
air before her.
By its meager illumination, G saw that they were, as she had surmised,
in a wine cellar. Wolfe wove through the wine racks toward the cellar's nether end, Chad
following. G paused briefly to look at the label on a broken bottle; it was indeed an
Alcalan, a Rive Palatine, from one of the better chateaux. She made a mental note to snag
a bottle on the way out, if it was practical.
Gerlad, Graf von Grentz, marched down the steps of his house with
martial dignity. He was nakedso he sleptbutunashamed. He exercised an hour a
day, he had the body of a man half his age, and he found nothing particularly erotic in
mere nudity. He regarded the nudity taboo, like most of the moral strictures of his
society, with contempt.
Black char marks marred the marble stairs. Wounded were sprawled across
them, a cleric moving from form to form. There was no semblance of discipline. Von Grentz
scowled.
"Magistra Rottwald," he said. "What is the meaning of
this?"
The fire mage was stooped over the body of a badly burned guisardiere,
casting a fire protection spell; it couldn't help the man avoid injury now, but it would
at least render his burns less painful until a cleric could attend him. She straightened
up and turned toward her employer. "I beg your pardon, your grace," she said.
"It appears that among our assailants is another fire mage. I was unable
to"
"Never mind that. Where is Serjeant Kunz?"
"Dead," said Rottwald, pushing back her xanthine hair.
"Where are the invaders?"
Howls, yips, and snarls came from around the side of the house.
"Over there, I presume," said the mage.
Von Grentz bit back a cutting remark. They were under attack, and these
fools hadn't the sense to find out by whom. "Every able-bodied man, to the foot of
the stairs," he bawled. Several soldiers hesitated. "Yes, you, dammit," he
said, stabbing a forger at one. He reached down and took a sword from one of the bodies.
"You too, Rottwald."
He took the steps two at a time and briefly surveyed the motley dozen
who had responded. They looked a little dazed, as well they might; their company just
suffered fifty percent casualties, half the group lying on the stairs above, dead or
wounded. But he hadn't spent hours drilling the swine for nothing. "You, you idiot;
drop that pole-arm. Draw your sword. Now listen to me, you lot. Line abreast, at a run.
Keep an eye on the man to your right, keep up with him. Drop to the ground the moment you
see someone casting a spell. Hold." He turned to Rottwald. "Magistra, prepare
and hold a defensive spell; it is likely to be a small party. We probably outnumber them
on the ground; your best use is to protect us so we may drive our attack home."
He turned back to the soldiers. "You will follow my orders with
alacrity, or you will taste the lash. Now! Follow me!"
And he sprinted, barefoot and bare elsewhere as well, across the lawn,
confident that they would indeed follow.
They had been well drilled; they did.
Somewhere out there, there had been an explosion. And more yaps and
howls, and the gods knew what else. From closer at hand came moans, pants, and gasps of
pleasure.
Kraki wondered what to do. It was foolish to wander about the mansion,
blinded as he was; how could he possibly hope to find the statue? Even if he did, he
couldn't see it, and might not even realize it was there. Still, it was equally pointless
to stand here, dithering. What did Nickie think he was doing, anyway? Yah, kill the men
and ravish the women, all very good barbarian practice, and Kraki had no particular
objection, but still, the battle was still in progress. You were supposed to slay all your
foes first, then ravish the women.
Kraki counted on his fingers, to make sure he had that right. One, kill
the men. Two, drive their cattle before you. Three, listen to the lamentation of their
women. Pillage by the numbers, it was called, and it was drilled into every barbarian from
childhood. Kraki wasn't clear on how ravishment and lamentations went together, never
actually having been part of a conquering horde, but the rules pretty clearly indicated
that you dealt with the men and the cattle before the women, in complete accordance with
therelative positions of men, cattle, and women in barbarian society. They had not, as
yet, accomplished step one or two, and Nick was obviously breaking the rules by going
straight to step three.
Hounds bayed outside the window. "Egad!" shouted a voice: the
woman's husband, Kraki thought. "Down, boy!"
"Good heavens," said another voice-the young man? "I
knew Cousin Gerlad was keen on dogs, but hellhounds seem a little-I do believe they're
coming at us, Rutherford." "Come on, you young idiot!" Rutherford shouted,
his
voice sounding almost parallel to the room now. "Up the tree,
you"
Leaves rustled desperately; a hound bayed victory from beneath the elm.
"I say," said Egbert petulantly, "those were my best hose, you brute!"
"Of all the damnable luck," said the old man. "To lose
my wand at a time like this."
Kraki was unaccustomed to indecision; he found it most uncomfortable.
Yet he could not make up his mind. It was lunacy to stay here, that much was obvious; but
should he charge into the mansion, leave by the window, or stay here to protect Nick?
Retreat was the obvious choice; but that was not acceptable. Retreat
was for cowards. Men stood and died.
"Millicent?" said Rutherford from the window, in a rather
suspicious tone. "I say, Millicent, what are you doing in there?" The sounds of
lovemaking were evidently audible to him, now that he had climbed the tree.
"Oh, crikey," said Egbert, sounding shaken. "They're
ravishing her in truth, the blackguards! You must do something, Rutherford."
"I?" said Rutherford. "I? A wizened old man such as I?
No, my boy, you're the young hero here. Up to you, I should think."
There was silence for a moment. Then Egbert said, "Millicent?
Millicent, dearest? Are you all right?"
"Go away," said Millicent shortly.
"We're busy right now," said Nick.
"What?" shouted Rutherford, voice quivering in rage. "I
say, Millicent, this is quite out of the Is that smoke, Egbert?"
Kraki sniffed at the air; there dad seem to be smoke. Something
was burning. He couldn't see any flames, though. Well, of course he couldn't see
any flames; he was blind. Rutherford had carried a lamp into the room, as well as a wand,
hadn't he? Could it have set something on fire?
"Ouch!" said Nick suddenly. "What ... ?"
"Room on fire, Nickie," said Kraki. "Maybe ve leave,
yah?"
"Hell of a time," complained Nick.
"Fire?" said Millicent in alarm. "Eeek!" There was
the sound of rustling sheets, then the patter of feet, an annoyed "Ouch!", and
the creak of a door.
"Wait!" Nick saidbut the door slammed shut. Millicent
had fled the room.
From the tree, Egbert and Rutherford argued about who should go to
Millicent's rescue. Neither seemed particularly eager to brave licking flames and heavily
muscled barbarians.
"Let's get out of here," Nick said.
"Tree or door?" asked Kraki.
"Tree," said Nick. "We've"
"That is retreat," said Kraki with finality. "Retreat is
covardice." He could hear Nick getting out of bed and moving toward the window.
"Don't be stupid, Kraki," Nick said.
"What wrong vith being stupid?" Kraki protested. "You
civilized fellas too smart by half, you ask me."
Nick snorted. "Listen, Kraki. Hear that?"
From outside came howls.
"Yah," said Kraki. "So?"
"Hellhounds," said Nick.
"Yah," said Kraki, "sure."
"You're telling me it's cowardice to leap into the midst of
ferocious, man-eating hellhounds, fell beasts of power able, so legend says, to spit
flames at their foes? Sounds pretty damn heroic to me, actually."
"Oh!" said Kraki, in relief. "Yah. Good. Thank you,
Nickie."
He ran for the windowsill and balanced briefly atop it ...
Then leaped blindly out into space, bellowing the name of his most
illustrious ancestor.
A stairway led upward from the wine cellar, but Wolfe skirted it,
heading instead for the back of the chamber. There another door stood, secured only by a
bar on the inside. Wolfe laid aside the bar, doused her magical light, opened the door,
and peered through it.
Beyond the door, a corridor led left and right; down to the left was a
lamplit room. Not much of the room was visible from this vantage. Wolfe closed the door
again and whispered to G, "Down the corridor. I'll be back in a minute."
G nodded in the darkness, trusting that Wolfe would see the gesture.
Presently, she felt that Wolfe was gone-an absence of breathing, a sense of emptiness
before her; with the door closed and the light gone, she could again see nothing.
An eternity passed. From outside the mansion came the sounds of furious
barking, animal yowls, a shout or two. G began to itch; waiting in readiness was almost
more tiring than action.
At last Wolfe was back. "There are only five," she said.
"The rest must have gone upstairs to investigate. But they're alert and itchy."
G sighed. "Let's go," she said.
Wolfe guided her hand to the latch. G withdrew it, took her crossbow
from her back, cranked it, and laid a quarrel in its groove. She tucked another quarrel
under her left arm, holding the bow in her left hand. She reached out for the latch with
her right hand, took hold of it, and said, "On the count of three. One, two,
three."
She flung open the door and hurled herself down the corridor, grabbing
the loose quarrel with her right hand. Behind her, Wolfe and Chad ran.
A helmeted man stood at the end of the corridor, half silhouetted in
the light of the room. He heard running footsteps and turned toward G. "Hey," he
began to say.
G brought up her crossbow. Running, one-handed, she squeezed the lever,
snapping off a shot.
"Who-gluuch," said the man. The quarrel hit him square in
the throat. He began to fall, hands going to the shaft.
G cranked the bow. By the time she reached the corridor entrance, she
had laid the second quarrel in its groove.
Wolfe had sketched the room for G, back in the Albertine Lodge, the
headquarters of the Ministry. She knew what to expect; in the northeast corner was a door,
leading to stairs upward. Across the room was another open corridor, leading to the vault.
One soldier stood at each, she saw. The other two sat at a table, but Wolfe had been
right; they were alert. They wore chain mail, and each had a weapon within arm's reach.
Above the table was a bell. One of the seated soldiers, a woman who had
unwisely removed her helmet, began to rise from her chair, reaching for the clapper.
G shot her. The quarrel struck just above the bridge of the nose. The
woman tumbled over backward, knocking down a chair; G suspected the missile had failed to
penetrate the nasal opening and that the woman was still alive, but she was down, at any
rate, which would do for now. G dropped her bow.
Her left hand had by now drawn a throwing star. She hurled it, neither
looking nor aiming, toward the soldier who guarded the opposite corridor. He was charging
herwhile drawing his sword, which he had not yet brought into position; the star missed
him, clanging against the stone wall, but he ducked, which threw him off stride and gave
her a little more time.
Her right hand had drawn a throwing dagger by the blade. She held it by
her right ear and took more than a second to brace herself and take careful aim. The
second soldier at the table, a boy of scarcely sixteen, was reaching for the bell. G was
impressed that so raw a lad could respond appropriately, so quickly, in a moment of mortal
danger; he had potential. She therefore hurled her dagger into his guta painful
wound that, with any luck, would put him out of action but which, if he got to a healer in
time, would neither kill nor permanently cripple him.
The soldier from the corridor opposite had now reached G and was
swinging his sword. She was out of position and could not respond quickly enough to block
the blow; she had feared this might happen, but had felt that preventing an alarm was
worth the risk. She ducked and reached up, to take the blow flat onto the ulna of her left
armno major arteries there; it might break the bone but could not inflict
life-threatening injurywhile drawing a kukri with her right hand.
Wolfe dived around G and deflected the man's blow with her Epee. His
saber passed over G's head, but hit Wolfe's lighter blade hard enough to snap it. Before
he could regain control of his weapon, G had driven her kukri under his ribs andthe
utility of a curved blade-upward through the rib cage and into his heart. She let go the
kukri, letting it fall with her foe.
Crossing her hands over her abdomen, G grasped the hilts of both her
swordsthe one at her right in her left hand, the one at her left in her right-and
drew them both with a flourish, turning toward the final soldier, the one by the door to
the stair
In time to watch the door slam behind him. Coward, she thought,
instantly launching herself into a sprint toward the door.
"No, G!" shouted Wolfe.
Reluctantly, G halted and turned. "He'll give the alarm," she
said.
"I'm not having you chasing him around the mansion," said
Wolfe. "We'll stick together; we'll just have to work fast."
"Ook," said Chad a little sadly, surveying the gore. Was he
saddened by so many deaths, G wondered, or because he'd arrived too late to join in the
fun?
Wolfe hustled out of the room and down the corridor to the vault, Chad
following. G checked the four bodies; the two older men were dead, the woman breathing but
out. The boy was motionless, feigning unconsciousness, but by his tenseness obviously in
pain and obviously alive.
G had a craftsman's sense of parsimony. She had no objection to killing
in pursuit of her objectives, but had no desire to kill unnecessarily. She gave him a
nicely calculated thump to the back of the skull, relieving him of the need to maintain
his charade.
Jasper was still pulling at his rings when he heard the boom of
Timaeus's fireball. Instantly he realized that the others must be in trouble. The shouts,
the baying hounds he had taken for the consequence of the alarm he had triggered, but the
flash and boom of a fireball must mean the others had indeed followed.
It was a disaster, he realized; a disaster caused by his own
impulsiveness. He felt hot with shame; he was supposed to be an old hand at this sort of
thing, and here ...
Well. He gave up prying at his rings and flew toward the fireball's
boom.
Timaeus and von Kremnitz, the latter carrying Sidney, walked across the
lawn. From ahead, hounds still bayed;apparently, another group of the animals continued to
harass someone else. Yes thought Timaeus; there they were, by that elm. He hadn't thought
to maintain his spell, alas, and so began working on it once again. But just as he began,
an owl swooped down and flitted around his head.
"Hoo! Hoo!" quoth the owl.
"Oh, dash it," grumbled Timaeus. "Scat, you-oh, Frer
Mortise; I didn't recognize you at first. Good, that just leaves Kraki, Nick, and
Jasp"
"Hoo! Hoo!" said the owl urgently.
"And a hoo hoo to you, too," said Timaeus. "I don't
suppose you've seen"
Frer Mortise came to a landing on a branch of a nearby tree, resumed
human form, and said, "The Graf von Grentz has rallied his soldiers, and is heading
toward you. We"
And there they came, at a run, the naked von Grentz in the lead. The
red-robed magician lagged a little behind.
Timaeus instantly switched to a different spell, spitting the syllables
of magic as fast as he was able. It was risky, spell-casting so fast; a stumble of the
tongue and the spell could have unintended, possibly lethal effects. But they had little
time before the soldiers closed.
Von Grentz halted below the elm where the hellhounds clustered. The
red-robed woman joined him, with a gesture ordering the hellhounds to line up defensively,
protecting them both. Von Grentz bawled orders; soldiers ran to encircle Timaeus and the
others.
Von Grentz happened to glance upward into the branches of the elm.
"Rutherford," he said in surprise. "What the devil are you doing up
there?"
Rutherford? Timaeus wondered, even as he worked the spell. "Who
was ... ? It hardly mattered; they were well and truly snared. There were too many
soldiers, and they were too spread out; he could not get more than three with a single
spell. And that other mage must have something up her sleeve. It all looked rather grim.
Frer Mortise had, discretion being the better part of valor, turned
back into an owl. Sidney leaped from von Kremnitz's hands into an overhanging branch. Von
Kremnitz, who had retrieved his sword after the fight with the hounds, drew it once more.
A ball of fire appeared in Timaeus's hands. He hurled it not at any of
the soldiers, but directly toward von Grentz. Kill the leader and the followers would be
more amenable; a reasonable theory, at any event.
A ball of flames tumbled through space, toward the elm. Von Grentz
faced it expressionlessly. The soldiers threw themselves flat.
The ball of flames
Fizzled.
Timaeus cursed; a ccunterspell. He should have anticipated that.
Instead ...
The soldiers picked themselves up and closed. Timaeus and the others
found themselves at the center of a ring of blades:
"You will surrender," said von Grentz, "or die."
"Surrender?" said von Kremnitz, smiling slightly. "I'm
not familiar with the word, I'm afraid. You'll have to define your terms."
Von Grentz sighed. "If you give me your word that you will provide
a full accounting of your actions and motives," he said, "I give you my word
that I shall set you free."
"How much is your word worth?" von Kremnitz asked
skeptically.
Von Grentz stiffened. He was not accustomed to having his honor
questioned so directly. "Kill" he began.
At that instant, someone above him screamed, "Gostorn
Pie-Eater!"
Von Grentz looked upward.
Jasper came in sight of von Kremnitz and Timaeus. They were ringed by
soldiers; a naked man and a redrobed woman, perhaps a mage, stood under an elm near the
Drachehaus, beneath a window from which smoke poured. The man gave off an air of command.
As he feared. The idiots had got themselves captured.
What should he do?
Blindly, Kraki plunged through space, shouting his war cry. Well before
he should have hit the ground, his left sandal hit something, sending Kraki sprawling ...
It was von Grentz. The sandal hit the nobleman full in the face,
flipping him backward; his head hit a root of the elm with a crack.
Kraki hit the earth awkwardly. In an instant he was on his feet,
flailing blindly about with his sword and bellowing, "Take that, foul vight!"
Magistra Rottwald dodged out of range of the sword.
The blade bit into the elm. "Aha!" shouted Kraki, turning to
face the tree. He began to chop at it, bellowing imprecations. Chunks of wood flew hither
and yon.
Nick pulled himself more cautiously into the branches of the elm.
Something twisted under his boot.
"I say," said Rutherford, "watch where you put your
feet, lout."
"Sorry," Nick muttered. He tilted his head from side to side;
his vision was returning, although he couldn't make out much just yet.
The soldiers stared at the body of their leader and the barbarian
chipping at the tree. Von Kremnitz took advantage of their momentary confusion to slip
under one man's blade and sink an йpйe into his stomach.
A naked woman dropped out of the elm and onto a third soldier's
shoulders. As he crumpled, Sidney clouted him in the temple with her fist and grabbed his
sword.
An owl raked at another soldier's eyes.
Timaeus began to chant a spell, well aware that one of these
sword-wielders might gut him before he could finish. But the remaining soldiers were
backing away, uncertain and confused. "The graf," one said, "he's
down"
"Feel the wrath of Kronar's son!" shouted Kraki to the elm,
chopping away.
Rottwald snapped an order to her hounds. They turned and hurtled toward
Timaeus and the others, snarling defiance.
This time, however, Timaeus had thought ahead. His spell would be too
long delayed to do much to the soldiers surrounding him; either the others could deal with
them, or they all would die. If the latter, no spell would help; if the former, the
hellhounds would be the last remaining threat.
He shouted the last Words of his spell. "Bad dog!" he
bellowed. "Down! Down! Sit!"
The charge of the hounds broke up in confusion. They halted, looking
back and forth between Rottwald and Timaeus, whining. Rottwald was already chanting
another spell, and while obviously unhappy with this turn of events, did not care to
abandon it to impress her will on the hounds.
"Sit!" Timaeus shouted again, making a sitting motion with
his hand. Reluctantly, the hounds complied.
Jasper saw Kraki plunge from the window and onto von Grentz; and
instantly he realized what he must do. Quietly, he began the Words for a spell of his own.
The soldiers would be taken aback, a little afraid to see their leader
fall; he could work on that fear.
With satisfaction, he saw von Kremnitz kill one, Sidney put another out
of action. That would increase their tension. It was a trivial matter to turn tension into
. . . terror.
The soldiers backed away, faced with an unexpected attack from those
they had thought to be prisoners.
Jasper completed his spell.
They backed awaythen turned and fled.
V.
G gaped at the vault's protection.
The end of the corridor was filled by an enormous steel contraption. It
had bars, wheels, levers, and gears, interlocking in a fashion that only a dwarven
artificer might understand without prolonged study. The steel was highly polished, every
element of thick, machined metal, the whole so evidently sturdy that it looked as if it
could outlast the city. And the complexity of the mechanism was such that G doubted the
cleverest of locksmiths, the most experienced of thieves could undo it.
Moreover, the walls of the corridor bore a number of suspicious-looking
depressions and vents. Wolfe stood before the mechanism, turning a wheel; G expected the
vents to begin to spew poison gas, or bolts of flame, at any moment. It made G nervous; a
living foe she might kill, but this thing was beyond her skills.
Wolfe gave the wheel a precise quarter turn, reached up and played a
minuet on an array of levers, and turned three dials-one clockwise, two widdershins. G
heard no sounds of tumblers clicking, no indication-save continued existence-that Wolfe
had gotten the motions right.
Wolfe fiddled with more rods, cams, and dials; after seconds that
seemed like eons, she turned the great wheel again, reversing her original rotation. And
the door swung open. G breathed relief.
"How did you do that?" she asked.
Wolfe gave her a glance. "I watched von Grentz do it, of
course," she said. G's appreciation of her talents rose several notches.
Wolfe was the first to enter the vault. She jumped as if startled, and
said, "Who . . . ," cutting the sentence short almost as soon as she began to
utter it. G peered from behind her.
A light had gone on as the door opened; a globe at the back of the room
glowed brightly green, emitting faint screams as it did. G didn't know what spell powered
it and, judging by the screams, didn't want to know. The statue was there, lying on a
table at the vault center; there were shelves and, oddly, filing cabinets; but there were
none of the heaped jewels and golden coins G had expected to see.
"The old man again," Wolfe muttered, just audibly enough for
G to hear her.
"What old man?" asked G.
"I thoughtnever mind," said Wolfe. "Trick of the
light, I suppose. Chad, come here."
The troll stepped into the vault and began to examine the statue.
Dealing with it was his problem; G took the opportunity to take a closer look at the
vault. A modest assortment of gold ingots did sit on one shelf, doing something to satisfy
her desire to see golden treasure, but filing cabinets occupied the bulk of the room.
Could von Grentz possibly value information on his enemies more greatlythan money?
"This is a great lord's treasure?" G said incredulously.
Wolfe gave her a brief look. "Money in vaults doesn't pay
interest," she said.
Of course, G thought. They'd invest the money. Probably those filing
cabinets held a good many stock certificates and otherhmm. Other negotiable
instruments. She pulled open a drawer.
"No time for that," Wolfe snapped. "Chad, can you carry
it?"
The troll was already moving about the statue, tying it in a network of
rope. G was surprised at the suppleness of his fingers as he tied the knots; trolls might
lurch clumsily, but they did not seem to be clumsy in every respect. "Yah," said
Chad. "Hard work, though. Help me get it onto floor." He took hold of Stantius's
ankles and, grunting, rotated the statue so that it lay across the table's short
dimension. Then, while G and Wolfe heaved up. on the shoulders, he tilted the feet down
until Stantius was standing atop the vault floor. Taking two heavy ropes, one over each
shoulder, he backed up to the statue, crouched down, and pulled the ropes until they were
taut. He passed the ropes through a series of loops, knotting them several times, back
around the statue, and through his harness. At last he was done. He strained upward and
forward, grunting with effort, until at last he stood erect, bearing Stantius on his back.
"Let's go," Chad said, his voice revealing more than a little strain.
They did. They left the vault door open. No one had yet returned to the
guardroom; G fretted at that, for the escaped guard should have raised the alarm by now.
Perhaps the household was still preoccupied with whatever had been going on out on the
lawn; she hoped so, for otherwise they were almost certainly walking into a trap: They
made their way back to the wine cellar at a run and maneuvered through the racks. Chad
moved awkwardly with Stantius atop his back; he knocked another wine rack down, almost
onto G, who cursed, but had the presence of mind to snatch a magnum of something as it
fell past her. A Sang du Dйmon, she saw, stuffing it into one of her cloak's voluminous
pockets. As she climbed the cellar steps onto the lawn, it banged uncomfortably against
her thighs.
Wolfe peered out into the night. The hellhounds had gone quiet, but
there were the sounds of weapons clashing, men yelling, and what sounded peculiarly like
someone chopping down a tree from their left. "Come on," said Wolfe, and loped
out toward the hydrangeas, a saber stolen from one of the dead soldiers in her hand.
G cursed; she would have preferred to reconnoiter first, but there was,
after all, something to be said for headlong speed. Chad pounded behind her, his breath
coming in gasps.
The gnome was still there, or its remnants; and there was the tunnel
lip, down which Wolfe had already disappeared. G dived into the tunnel, scrabbling through
dirt on her hands and knees. "Wait," said Chad behind her.
She paused, unable to turn in the cramped confines of the tunnel.
"What is it?"
"I can't do this," said Chad. "Statue too big. I get
stuck."
G cursed, and shouted for Wolfe. There was no response. She continued
down the tunnel, to find Wolfe already outside the fence, bending over her magic pouch,
which, as expected, no one had yet stolen. The earth mage was still there, too, talking in
his usual slow way. "Uhhhhhhhnnnnnnng," he said.
"The tunnel's too small for Chad," G said, "with the
statue on his back."
Wolfe blinked. "It's always something," she said, and dived
back into the tunnel.
G sighed; she had no desire to follow, but supposed she must.
"Cllllllle," said the earth mage.
G bent down to enter the tunnel. Uncle? What the hell was he saying
"uncle" for?
Rottwald, chanting her spell, ran full tilt toward Timaeus and von
Kremnitz. Timaeus was momentarily confused, but quickly realized what she was up to.
"Down," he yelled, slapping von Kremnitz on the shoulder.
Kraki, shouting his usual "Yah hahs!" and "Die, foul
vights!" continued to chop at the elm.
Von Kremnitz responded to Timaeus's order with alacrity; he didn't know
much about magic, but a fire mage, sprinting toward one and chanting a spell, obviously
meant trouble.
Timaeus grabbed the fringe of his cloak with both hands and hurled
himself atop von Kremnitz, spreading the garment as he did. He prayed that he and his
cloak, between them, would shelter his companion; the cloak, like all his clothes, was
fire-resistant. That was a necessity for a fire mage; elsewise, an ill-timed spell would
leave one starkers, and while the lower classes might not balk at that, a gentleman must
adhere to certain proprieties.
Mere steps from them, the woman exploded into flame. Above her, a
branch of the elm took fire. Sidney threw herself from the tree, yowling at her singed
fur.
A silent moment passed. The breeze began to dissipate the choking
smoke. Flames crackled from the Drachehaus window. Kraki had been startled by the bang,
but quickly resumed the attack against the elm. "Yah-hah!" he bellowed, sword
chunking into heartwood. "Take that, foul giant!"
"Get the hell off of me," said von Kremnitz from underneath
Timaeus.
Timaeus got gingerly to his feet; he was uninjured. But then, he'd been
at the center of a fireball's blast often enough that it no longer fazed him. "I
resent your tone," he said. "I may well have saved your life."
"Next time you save-my life, be so kind as to lose a few pounds
first," said von Kremnitz. "Whatever happened?"
"She teleported out," Timaeus said, "leaving a fireball
behind her. A sensible thing to do, with her allies gone."
With a cry of triumph, Kraki dealt the elm a final blow. While
Rutherford, Nick, and Egbert shouted in dismay, the mighty shade tree toppled away from
the Drachehaus and crashed into a bed of peonies. Von Grentz lay, unconscious and snoring,
by the stump of the fallen elm.
"Ha!" shouted Kraki, brandishing his broadsword triumphantly.
"So fare all who face the sword of Kraki! Is that you, Timaeus?"
"Yes, Kraki," said Timaeus. "Ah, there you are, Nick, my
boy. Now there's just Jasper." Nick extracted himself from the branches of the fallen
tree and joined the others. The center of his vision was still filled with bright
afterimages, but he could at least see things at the periphery.
"How do you mean?" asked Jasper, the green light whizzing
down to join them.
Sidney gave a hiss and leapt at the green light, which dodged away.
"I say, Sidney," said Jasper. "What is thewell, yes, perhaps I was a bit
rash to-I am sorry, you're quitePlease! I do not expect such language from a lady
... Yes, all right, you're not a lady, you're a cat, but I must say"
"Shut up, Sidney," said Nick, to the apparently silent cat.
"We'd better get out of here while we have the chance."
"Ho," said Kraki, wandering in their direction. "This
vill be a day of vhich the bards vill sing, eh? The day that Kraki Kronarsson slew the
giant of Drachehaus! Singlehanded, blinded that I be'
"Ah," said Timaeus, "that explains it."
"In single combat, I slew the monster. I chopped him limb from
limb"
"You've got that right," said Nick.
"And cleaved him from pate to pelvis," declared Kraki with
satisfaction. "Behold!" And he gestured toward the fallen elm with his sword,
nearly decapitating Nick in the process.
"More like from twig to taproot," said Timaeus. He took
Kraki's arm. "Come on, Kraki, O mighty slayer of elms. Aim your heroic feet this
way." He began to lead the barbarian away from the Drachehaus and toward the street.
"Vhat?" protested Kraki, as Timaeus and Nick dragged him
away. "Vhat you mean, slayer of elms?"
"What do you make of all this?" asked Egbert, as he gave
Rutherford a hand down from the branches of the fallen tree.
"Thought Gerlad was a solid sort," said Rutherford,
"but, by Dion, he can't even keep order in his own household. How he expects a man to
get a little shuteye with fireballs exploding and battles raging in the front garden, I'm
damned if II say. Here he is in the very flesh."
Rutherford had nearly stumbled over the unconscious body of Gerlad,
Graf von Grentz, lying naked by the ragged stump that was all Kraki had left of the elm.
"Cousin Gerlad," said Egbert, kneeling and shaking the graf.
"I say, old bean, do wake up."
Von Grentz's eyes opened.
"Sleeping out tonight?" said Rutherford. "Nice weather
for it."
Von Grentz sat bolt upright. "Where are-What " Dazedly,
he took in the flames licking from the window of his mansion, the elm afire. His eyes had
difficulty focusing; indeed, he was seeing double, slightly concussed from the blow to his
head. "Rottwald," he croaked, got raggedly to his feet, and staggered off toward
the front of the house.
"Nary so much as a `How are you, cousin,' " complained
Egbert.
"Well, his house is on fire," observed Rutherford.
Egbert looked up at the window. "Quite right," he said. It
occurred to him that Millicent was presumably still in the house. She was in the house,
and the house was burning. She was in the house, the house was burning; therefore, she was
in dire peril. She was in the house, the house was burning, she was in dire peril-dire
peril from which a gallant young man might rescue her. Just the thing, thought Egbert; a
gallant young man going to the rescue of his lady love, cradling her in his arms, striding
heroically from the blaze. "Umto for now, Rutherford, old man," he said,
and set off for the nearest ingress, a bottom-floor window.
Somewhat parallel thoughts had been running through Rutherford's head.
"Stop, you rakehell," he shouted, hastening after the younger man.
"All right, Chad," said Wolfe, "back out." She
turned to G. "You were right; he doesn't fit."
G had just about changed her mind again; maybe she would kill Wolfe
after all. "You think I make these things up for the hell of it?" she snarled.
"Of course I was right."
"What do we do?" asked Chad.
"Dig out the hole," said G.
"Right," said Wolfe. "With what shovel?"
"Hands, I guess," said G.
Wolfe snorted. "Take us forever," she said. "Chad, take
off the statue."
Chad obliged, more than happy to shed the burden. Wolfe examined the
statue, and Chad's ropes, with interest. "Will that cable pull the statue?" she
asked.
"It's heavy enough," said Chad. "Double it up to be
sure."
Wolfe nodded. "Good," she said. "Unknot some, a
longenough length to run through the tunnel, with, oh, twenty cubits to spare. Is there
enough rope?"
Chad blinked, slow mind puzzling over the request. "Yah," he
said.
"We going to pull it through?" asked G.
"Something like that," said Wolfe. As soon as the rope was
ready, she grabbed it and crawled back down the tunnel.
G sighed. "I wish she'd tell us what the hell she's going to
do," she said.
"Soldiers!" said Chad in a sudden panic. He pointed at
something behind her back and crouched down, looking as if unsure whether to flee in panic
or to dig a hole to hide in. "Bad men kill Chad! Save Chad, G!"
G whirled, hands going to her weapons. Ambling toward them was an old
woman, holding an oil lamp over her head with one hand, the other hand bearing a hoe. She
was clad in heavy canvas trousers and clogs, and mumbling something toothlessly.
". . . three yearsh before the bloody privet willWho the
devil are ye?" she demanded.
"Kill her, G," whined Chad, groveling in the dirt with fear.
"Kill her!"
"You're a disgrace to your species," said G. She turned to
the old woman and said, in a soothing tone, "We're just leaving."
"Well, leave, then, by damn," said the old woman. "Not a
raise in pay in eighteen yearsh, and the bashtard fightsh a bloody war amid me damned
peoniesh! Bigodsh, and here'sh a molehill the shize o' Mount Cernitash. Finish yer damned
business and get out, shay L" She turned and wandered back toward the shed.
"She'll bring soldiers!" whined Chad.
"Oh, shut up," said G. "She's just the gardener.
Harmless enough."
"G!" came a low voice from the cast-iron fence.
"What is it, Wolfe?" asked G.
"Shove the statue up to the mouth of the tunnel, and get the hell
out of there," said Wolfe.
"Coming, darling," said G. "Give me a hand, Chad."
When they crawled out of the tunnel, they found the hansom cab and a
rather confused driver standing in the street.
"... d'ye mean, ye'll go back now?" the driver was saying.
"Ye just got here, ma'am."
"Nevertheless," Wolfe insisted, "we wish to return to
the Albertine Lodge."
"Whhhhhhhaaaaaaat'sssssss," said the earth mage.
"Not like that," said the driver. "Ye're all covered
with muck. I shan't have ye smearing it about in me cab."
"We'll recompense you for that," said Wolfe soothingly.
"Here, Chad, give me a hand."
"Goooooooiiiiiiinnnnnnng," said the earth mage.
"What you want Chad do?" asked the troll.
"Tie these ropes to the axle of the carriage," Wolfe ordered,
which Chad began to do.
"Now what's this?" demanded the driver. "If ye damage
the vehicle"
Wolfe sighed. "Look here," she said. "Just shut up and
do as we say, and I'll pay you ten pounds argentum."
The driver sat bolt upright. "It's not illegal, is it?
madam?" he quavered. "Me license"
"The Ministry will answer for any irregularities," Wolfe said
soothingly.
"Ten pounds?" demanded G. "Isn't that"
"I'm under budget," Wolfe said, practically snarling.
"Get in." G did.
"Ooooooonnnnnnn?" said the earth mage.
"Chad done," announced the troll.
"Good," said Wolfe, climbing into the cab. "You get in,
too."
Chad began to do so, then hesitated. "What about him?" he
asked, gesturing toward the wizard, who was only now, rather confusedly, registering the
hansom cab's reappearance.
"Throw him in," said Wolfe, which Chad proceeded to do,
bodily picking up the wizard and tossing him into the hansom.
"Now," said Wolfe, sticking her head out a window to talk to
the driver. "On the count of three, gallop like the wind."
"Yes, ma'am," said the driver respectfully, touching the brim
of his top hat.
Wolfe counted to three. The hansom set into motion, jolting its riders.
The horses had just attained a gallop when there was another jolt-the ropes going taut,
yanking on the axle.
The cab skittered from side to side, wheels running up against the curb
and striking sparks, as its momentum drew the statue through the tunnel. Finally, the
statue was free, bouncing off the cobblestones behind them with a noise like Fithold, the
god of the forge, whanging on his celestial anvil.
G, who had stuck out her head to watch the statue bounding along
behind, pulled back into the cab. "Won't it be damaged?" she asked.
"It's made of athenor," Wolfe said. "Isn't much in the
world that can damage it."
G mulled that over. "People on our route aren't going to get much
sleep tonight," she said. "Discreet it isn't."
"Stantz didn't tell me to be discreet," said Wolfe
illtemperedly. "He just told me to get the statue. Well, there it damned well
is."
Timaeus stood by the ragged hole he'd cut in the fence, and took
Kraki's hand. "Step up, now, there's a good fellow," he said to the barbarian.
Kraki picked up one foot and moved it cautiously forward, the toe of his sandal touching
an iron bar; he raised the sandal higher, found the hole, and stepped awkwardly through.
"Are ve outside?" he asked.
"Yes," said Timaeus, offering a hand to Nick. Sidney had
already darted through the bars, had resumed human form, and was now donning her clothes,
which, miraculously, had not been stolen in her absence. Von Kremnitz was next in line.
"Brother," said Timaeus to Mortise, as the cleric also took
on human shape, "can you do something about Kraki's blindness?"
"Yes, perhaps," said Mortise, "but I believe the
condition is temporary. Anyhow, I don't recommend hanging about; perhaps we should retire
to the pension."
"The Maiorkest is closer," said von Kremnitz.
"What good would going there do?" asked Timaeus. "We've
no hard evidence to offer the Lord Mayor."
"Quite so," agreed Jasper. "We'll have to try again,
this time with a little planning. Actually, it's astounding we're all in one piece; on the
whole, we've been quite lucky."
"If you call it luck," snarled Sidney, "you
half-wit."
"Now, Sidney," said Jasper.
"Save the recriminations for later, babe," said Nick.
"The padre's right; let's get out of here."
"Babe?" said Sidney incredulously. "If anyone's behavior
is infantile, Pratchitt, it's"
"Oh, please," said Timaeus tiredly. "I've had quite
enough for one evening, and the pension is a good mile from here. This way, I think."
Jasper flitted on ahead, embarrassedly avoiding further conversation.
Timaeus and the others followed, more sedately.
Clang! A noise resounded from all around, a noise like sheet metal
falling on rock from an enormous height. Clang! There it was again.
They turned toward the sound. A hansom cab careened around the corner,
horses at gallop, metal-clad wheels rumbling over cobblestones. Clang!
It tore past, horses alather, the coachman whipping them on. From
inside, an alert-looking middle-aged woman, hair close-cropped in the manner of a soldier,
peered out. The carriage passed.
Behind the passenger cabin was a platform where trunks and luggage were
often tied. There an old man precariously sat, clutching the brass luggage rack for dear
life. As he passed, he gave them a toothless grin, and risked taking one hand from the
rack long enough to send them a cheerful wave.
A statue trailed the carriage, strung behind on sturdy cable. It flew
through the air, fell toward the cobblestones with a
Clang!
and bounded into flight once more.
The carriage, and its curious appendage, passed.
Timaeus gaped after it. "I say," he said. "Wasn't that
our"
Sidney was already charging down the street, waving her sword and
shouting, "Stop thief!"
"I like that," said Nick. "Pot calling the
kettle"
"I'll trail them, shall I?" said Jasper gaily, as if glad of
an opportunity to redeem himself. The green light zipped in pursuit.
Stauer had found them a cold roast squab, some ham, pickled vegetables
and mustard, and an undistinguished vin ordinaire; they lounged about the sitting
room of their suite in the Pension Scholari, in poses indicating varying degrees of
exhaustion. Kraki sprawled across a chaise longue, mouth open and snoring; Nick sat at a
writing table, scribbling feverishly at something by the light of a candle, yawning from
time to time and sipping his wine.
Sidney sat on the edge of her chair, gnawing on a leg of squab.
Transformation took quite a lot out of her; she was generally ravenous afterward, and this
time was no exception. "What I say," she told Timaeus, "is that you're a
damned optimist if you think we'll ever see Jasper again."
"Oh, come, my dear," said Timaeus, lying well back in the
soft pillows of the couch, a pickled onion in one hand and a glass of wine in the other.
"He is Magister Mentis, after all, and more or less invisible to boot. If
anyone is well suited to tailing the people who absconded with our statue, it is he."
Sidney snorted. "He's well suited to acting the fool," she
said. "If he hadn't flown over that fence"
"Then the statue would have been stolen from von Grentz, and we'd
be none the wiser," von Kremnitz pointed out. The leftenant sat on a pillow on the
floor, his scabbard poking rather awkwardly into the rug, a plate balanced atop his
crossed legs.
"Perhaps," said Sidney. "However"
"Who do you think has it?" asked Frer Mortise. He squinted
even in the dim light of the candles, his pupils enormously wide.
"Another of Hamsterburg's uncountably numerous factions, I
expect," said Timaeus. "Don't suppose you recognized them, Leftenant?"
"No, I'm afraid not," said von Kremnitz. "If Sir Jasper
doesn't turn anything up, I'll go to the Maiorkest tomorrow morning; perhaps the Lord
Mayor will have heard something."
Sidney cleared her throat. "I think I recognized one of
them," she said.
Timaelus raised and eyebrow. "Mmm?"
"The old man who waved at us," Sidney said. "Didn't he
look familiar to you?"
Timaeus blinked. "Well, they were moving rather fast," he
said apologetically. "I'm afraid I didn't"
"I think it was Vic," said Sidney.
Timaeus sat up sharply. "Vic?" he said. "Are you
sure?"
"No, I'm not sure," said Sidney with irritation.
"But"
"Good heavens, what does this mean?" said Timaeus.
"Suppose it is Vic. Does he want those people to have it? Is he testing us?
Why did he disappear? What the devil is afoot?"
Sidney shrugged. Timaeus looked at Mortise, then at von Kremnitz, but
realized that neither of them had met Vincianus, and wouldn't have recognized him under
the best of circumstances. However"
"Nick," he said, turning toward Pratchitt, who was sitting
back in his chair and reading a piece of paper with a maniacal grin on his face. "Did
youwhat have you got there?"
Nick stood up and turned toward his companions. "Just this,"
he said. He adopted a declamatory pose, and read:
the saga of kraki elm-slayer
"sing now of kraki, he aptly named.
sing of the deed that gave him his fame.
"with brave companions, he raided the dragon.
house of a kingling in far southern lands.
took he his blade, heavy as mountains,
raised it on hish with his michty hands.
"blinded was he by untimely magic
could not espy the mien of his foes.
was he thereby deterred from attackinc,
streakйd with yellow as the saying goes?
"nay, never kraki leapt from the buiding,
shouting the name of his famous forebear,
Gostorn gaptoothйd, famous for eating
eater of apricot, apple, and pear.
"swung he his weapono. mighty swinging!
felt blade strike hard in the flesh of his foe.
yanked forth the weapon, whacked again fiercely.
shouted his triumph like this: 'ho ho ho!'
"never did man behold such a Giant
as kraki did strive with that glorious night
dozens of cubits rose his opponent
many its limbs striking out in the fight.
" 'ye shall be cloven,' swore our brave kraki,
'I shall bisect ye from tuchus to tкte.
'swung he a last timeo michty swinging!
so michty a stroke there never was yet.
"down crashed the enemy limbs flailing blimly,
crashed into flowers that lay all asout.
round kraki gathered his brave companions
awed and in reverence, Led kraki out.
" 'ho,' boasted kraki, 'I have slain giants!
those who are foemen better take care.'
'yes, kraki, certainly', said his companions.'
henceforth we know ye as kraki elm-slayer.
" 'slew ye the elm, battled it michtily,
clove it in twain from taproot to twig.
heroic the deed, as we deem it, certainly,
never did we see a tree that's so big.'
"so let all hail kraki, kraki elm-stayer,
mighty tree-battler, scource of the wood.
in all of our history never has there been
such a great hero, one half as goos.
"so hear me, children: if ye would be like him,
eat up your vegetables as all children should."
In the course of this recitation, Kraki had woken up, and now sat on
the sofa, head between his knees. As Nick finished, he looked up and said, "Good
thing poetry so bad, Nickie, or I have to kill you." He lay back down and turned over
as if to go to sleep.
"Poetry so bad!" Nick protested. "What do you mean, poetry so bad? You
wouldn't know good poetry if"
"Scansion hokay," grunted Kraki. "No alliteration."
Nick blinked. "No alliteration?" he said. "So what?"
Kraki looked up. "Vhat you mean, so vhat? Vhat are you, some kind of modernist? Of
course poetry must alliterate, so bard can memorize lines easier, resound in the souls of
the listeners."
"But it rhymes!" protested Nick.
"Rhymes, shmymes," said Kraki, shrugging into the cushion.
"Rhyming for sissies. Nobody in northland listen to newfangled rhyming stuff. Thank
the gods, or I be chucklingstock of northland."
"Laughingstock," said Nick automatically.
"I'd suggest you stop arguing, Nick," said Timaeus, standing
up and stretching. "If you persuade him of the virtues of modern poetical forms,
he'll feel compelled to murder you."
"Yeah, okay," said Nick. "What did you think"
But Timaeus had already closed the door of his bedroom behind him.
Nick turned to the others, but they, likewise, were going to their
rest.
He went to the window and peered out it a moment, but there was nought
to be seen but the glint of moonlight on cobbles, and chimney pots sticking up from
distant roofs. The streets were silent, without birdsong, or insect noise, or the hubbub
of humanity to bring them life. Nick sighed and tossed off the lees of his wine, and he,
too, turned toward his room and sleep.
VI.
Nick Pratchitt was awakened by distant bangs, the shouts of men,
running feet in the street. Groggily he sat up, went to the window of his room, and peered
outside. The aperture gave out on an alley; he could see only a slice of street at its
end, and nothing untoward there. So he left for the sitting room, and threw back the
curtains shielding the French doors.
Somewhere, off across the city, a tendril of black smoke rose skyward;
a major fire of some kind. Not far off, in a major avenueNick was still
insufficiently familiar with Hamsterburg, and did not know its namea barricade rose.
It was hastily made, of furniture, bits of wood, sandbags-of whatever materials,
apparently, the builders could find. About and atop it swarmed men and women in leather
aprons, some shouting orders to others below.
Elsewhere, people had gathered to listen to orators, while other folk
ran through the streets, some with piles of possessions on their backs or in hand-drawn
carts.
A bang from behind Nick's shoulder startled him; he very nearly leapt
from the balcony. "So it's happened," said Timaeus, puffing on his first bowlful
of the morning. The wizard was barefoot, wearing a crimson robe.
"Dammit, Timaeus," said Nick. "Give a guy some warning
when you light your pipe, will you?"
"Vhat's happened?" said Kraki groggily. He had been sleeping
on the chaise longue in the sitting room, but voices, and Timaeus's explosion, had woken
him.
"Look thither," said Timaeus, gesturing toward the barricade
with his pipe.
Kraki peered outward. "They build a vall," he said. "The
city is invaded?"
"No," said Nick. "There's an uprising. Something's
happened; we knew the city was on edge already . . ."
Von Kremnitz, naked to the waist, peered over Kraki's shoulder, cursing
steadily. He moved swiftly to the bellpull and gave it a yank. "Stauer will know
something," he said. "Ye gods, it's the ninth hour; we have overslept."
"Has anyone seen Jasper?" asked Sidney, entering from her
bedroom.
"Not as such," said Timaeus, "but there's something
green on his bed." He shared a room with the mentalist.
Sidney headed toward their bedroom, with the obvious intention of
waking Jasper. While she was gone, there was a knock at the door. Nick opened it.
Stauer stood in the hall, looking more than slightly worried.
"Good morning, messieurs et madame," he said. "Please accept my
profoundest apologies, but we will not have fresh eggs today; the city is in disorder, and
our usual deliveries"
"Never mind that," said von Kremnitz peremptorily. "What
is the news?"
"Oh, my lord," said Stauer sadly, "they say that the
Lord Mayor is dead."
"What!" shouted von Kremnitz. "How did it happen?"
"Not a mark was found on him, so the rumors say; he lay in his
chamber, contorted in terror. A spell, perhaps, or some rare poisonbut the streets
are in chaos. Half the city says the Spider slew him; the Accommodationists are rising,
and others assembling to oppose. They say there are armies outside the city,
that"
"Who builds that barricade, over to the east?" asked Timaeus.
"Sir?" said Stauer, blinking rapidly. "Ahmay I
come in?"
Nick moved out of the door to permit Stauer entry. Stauer went to the
French doors, put his pince-nez to the bridge of his nose, and peered out. "Ah, in
the Tetrine Way," he said. "Masons, by their garb."
"And their faction?" asked Timaeus.
"Their guild supported Siebert strongly," said von Kremnitz.
"Most of the guilds did; one of his few sources of support."
"Without power on the Council," said Stauer dismissively.
"Or in the Gentes," agreed von Kremnitz. "What
are they up to?" Nick asked.
Stauer shrugged. "I suppose you'd have to ask them," he said.
"Resisting the Accommodationists, I would assume."
"Fine," said Nick. "Dandy. So the statue is gods know
where, in a city in the throes of revolution. Tell you what, let's all go join a religious
order; the Josemites, perhaps. We can spend the rest of our lives hoeing vegetables and
flailing ourselves with leather thongs."
"There, there, lad," said Jasper, whizzing into the room.
"Fear not. Even in these dark hours"
"Just tell them," said Sidney dangerously, following him from
the bedroom.
"Yes, yes, of course, my dear," said Jasper. "You will
cast your minds back to the events of last night, please. Asyou recall, I departed your
company in hot pursuit of the statue-nabbers. I followed them, aloft"
"Excuse me, Jasper," said Timaeus.
"Yes, what is it?" said Jasper, irritated at the
interruption.
"Miss Stollitt has expressed strong feelings, on prior occasions,
on the subject of discretion," said Timaeus, rather stiffly. He nodded meaningfully
in the direction of Stauer, who looked suspiciously back through his pince-nez.
"Ah-no fresh eggs;" said von Kremnitz, after an awkward
pause, "but can hotcakes be prepared?"
"Yes," allowed Stauer. "Precisely what I was going to
suggest. If you will forgive the intrusion-ahmay I ask whether your plans are likely
to offer harm, or attract untoward attention, to my establishment?"
"No, sir," said Timaeus. "I do not believe so."
Stauer sighed, apparently rather frustrated to be excluded from their
confidence. "It is my strongest belief," he said in a low voice, "that a
host should respect his guests' privacy. I shall therefore depart, upon this
assurance." He made for the door, turning at the lintel, and said, "I'll send a
girl up with your pent dйjeuner momentarily. Coffee?"
"Tea," said Timaeus.
Stauer shivered delicately; Hamsterians considered tea rather effete,
though it was the preferred morning quaff of Urf Durfal. "If you wish," he said.
And he closed the door quietly after him.
"I like your man Stauer," Jasper told von Kremnitz.
"It is a good establishment," said von Kremnitz. "Now,
then; what did you learn?"
"I pursued the hansom through the winding streets of the
city," said Jasper, "flying at a sufficient height above the vehicle that the
occupants did not suspect my presence. Seeing no reason to waste the time spent en
route, I essayed a number of spells in an effort to read the thoughts of the
occupants of the cab."
"Yes, yes," said Timaeus. "Get to the point,
please."
"Testy this morning, what, d'Asperge?" said Jasper. "I
shall tell the tale in my own fashion, and at my own pace, if you please."
"I don't please," muttered Timaeus.
"Nonetheless," said Jasper. "Alas, my spells proved
fruitless; I was able to discover that the driver was a Luigi Amato, of Seventy-six
Slobinstrasse, a member of the Hauliers' Guilda mere hireling. The cab was occupied
by three others: a troll and two women. One of the women wore an amulet against scrying; I
was unable to read her at all, and knew she was there only from the perceptions of the
others. The other woman had been complexly trainedand, I believe, programmed under
hypnosis-so that I was unable to read anything other than the most cursory, fleeting
thoughts. She thinks of herself as G. The troll's surface thoughts were in the creature's
barbarous native tongue, with which, alas, I am not familiar; I was able to determine that
he spent the bulk of the trip in a reverie, thinking of his plans for the rest of the
night, which seemed to involve a substantial quantity of ale and a lady troll. Not much
help there.
"I did, however, manage to overhear part of the women's
conversation, which was unguarded. G's companion was named Wolfe"
"Renee Wolfe?" asked von Kremnitz sharply.
"I didn't get the first name," said Jasper apologetically.
"They went directly to a large building of rather unusual architecturestucco
and exposed beams, the sort of thing one expects in country chateaux. The building itself
was warded, and I thought it best not to enter, but scouted about until I found a
late-night pedestrian, who thought of it as the Albertine Lodge"
"Stantz," said von Kremnitz.
"Eh?" said Jasper.
"The Albertine Lodge is the headquarters of the Ministry of
Internal Serenity; the minister is Guismundo Stantz."
"The Spider," said Timaeus.
"Yes," said von Kremnitz. "The man who may well have
assassinated my master. Renee Wolfe is his woman."
"His paramour?" said Timaeus, in some surprise; it was
difficult to think of the dreaded Spider as a man with lusts like any other.
Von Kremnitz snorted. "No, no; his employee."
They mulled over that for a moment.
"You think he killed Siebert?" asked Timaeus.
Von Kremnitz sighed. "I don't know what to think," he said.
"The common opinion holds that Stantz tried to assassinate the Lord Mayor before,
killing Julio von Krautz by mistake; Siebert himself believed otherwise, that Gerlad von
Grentz killed von Krautz, and then tried to pin the blame on Minister Stantz."
He paced for a while between the chaise longue and couch. The others
watched him.
"If Stantz were in truth allied with my lord," he muttered,
"then Stantz would want to free the statue from von Grentz; but if Stantz were an
enemy, he would want the statue anyway, to bolster the position of whomever he
supportsach, I cannot decipher it."
"Does it matter?" asked Timaeus gently. "Siebert is
dead; does it matter whether Stantz betrayed him? Either way, he has the statue."
"It matters to me!" shouted von Kremnitz in rage. "If he
betrayed my lord, he shall die."
"Well spoken, lad," said Jasper, voice thick with emotion.
Timaeus snorted. "You, raw youth, provincial swordsman; you shall
kill the Spider? The Spider, whose web spans all the human lands, whose agents are
everywhere? Whose dungeons are legend, who has outlasted ten lord mayors?"
"Aye," said von Kremnitz, his aquiline nose in noble pose,
"I shall."
"And we shall aid you," said Jasper warmly.
"Oh shut up, .you unbearable idiot!" shouted Timaeus.
"Bad enough you go gallivanting off into von Grentz's backyard, triggering every
alarm in creation; now you want to"
"To aid a brave young man in his quest against villainy,"
said Jasper severely. "A young man, need I say, who has offered us every assistance;
a young man of unstained escutcheon; a young man who aided us when we were in peril."
Timaeus was turning dangerously red.
"Thank you, Sir Jasper," said von Kremnitz, warmly. "If,
in truth, Stantz is the villain of the piece" "Jasper, dear," said
Sidney dangerously, "you really
can't commit us, you know. We're on a quest; we can't rescue every
treed cat and help every old lady across the street."
"Bosh!" said Jasper. "This is no such trivial affair.
And as we are heroes, so we must act heroically."
"Yah!" said Kraki. "Topple empires, slay foemen by the
score, slaughter vast monsters and foul beasts!"
"Um, yes, thank you, Kraki," said Jasper. "If we refuse
to aid those in need, shall not the gods turn deaf ears to our pleas, when we ourselves
need aid?"
"Economy of resources," said Nick economically.
"Magna est veritas, et praevalebit, " countered Jasper.
"If Stantz slew Siebert, he is no more than a murderer; and the truth will out."
"Omnia vincit amor, " said Timaeus in disgust. "Magna
est veritas ... Whoever taught you the Imperial tongue did us no favor. And argument
does not proceed by aphorism."
"Again, sir," said Jasper severely, "I am astonished at
your. lack of feeling"
"Wait, wait, wait," said Nick. "Look. Let's not argue
about this; okay? Stantz has the statue, we know that; we've got to get it back. Maybe he
killed Siebert; maybe not. Maybe, in the process of getting the statue, we'll find
outand we can worry about what to do about it then."
"Right," said Sidney. "The important thing is to figure
out how to get into the Albertine Lodge."
"Oh, I can get you in, all right," said von Kremnitz.
"It's getting out that's the problem."
" 'Allo?" said a voice from the door. "I ' ave your '
otcakes, messieurs et madame."
Von Kremnitz led the way, as he knew Hamsterburg best; his hand was at
his pommel, for while it would not do to walk the streets with naked blade, still the
uneasiness of the city had infected them all. Jasper flew behind and above, height giving
him a view of the path ahead. Kraki strode at the rear, to deter attack from that
direction, while Nick and Sidney flanked Timaeus and Frer Mortise, protecting their
spell-casters.
Folk scurried about, most hugging the sides of the street. Shopkeepers
stood in the doors or windows of their shops, not yet closing up, for some were doing a
brisk business, in food and the kinds of goods one might need to survive for several days
of chaos. Still, they looked worried, and most carried weapons prominently, to indicate
their willingness to defend their property. Some had gone so far as to hire some of the
neighborhood bully-boys, both to provide muscle against looters and to occupy the people
most likely to loot. Sidney saw that with cynicism; a few pence from a shopkeeper would
not deter such as they, not if windows started breaking.
Down the center of the street marched a group of men and women,
surrounding a man in costly dress: a nobleman and his clientsa common sight
on the streets of the city, but uncommon to see them all armed. The folk gave them a wide
berth; von Kremnitz led his companions to the side of the street to do likewise.
After a time, they passed into a rougher neighborhood; ahead, a
barricade loomed. Von Kremnitz called a halt, asked Jasper to fly upward to reconnoiter,
then decided that detouring was more trouble than it was worth. He walked on ahead, toward
the barricade-for all of them to go was to risk having the defenders decide this was an
attack-and called upward, to the doughty workingmen and kerchiefed women who perched
there, "We seek passage."
"An' who d'ye be?" demanded a mustachioed man, naked to the
waist and tattooed with a spur on one shouldera former cuirassier, for the spur was
the symbol of the Heavy Brigade.
Von Kremnitz considered; to declare his regimental allegiance might
give offense-no love lost between the cavalry and the Mayoral Foot-yet it would be
dishonorable to offer a lie. "Pablo von Kremnitz," he said, "of
Meersteinmetz; and my companions, foreigners."
"And what d' ye desire?"
"Merely passage," von Kremnitz replied.
The man looked worried; no doubt he saw Jasper flitting above, and
could see that the group he faced had magic. "The borough of Einhoch is a poor
one," he said. "We seek only to defend our homes; we do.not wish to fight ye,
but have no desire to see armed men traipsing about our streets."
"I give you my word," said von Kremnitz. "We shall offer
no harm to any in Einhoch, nor tarry, but travel expeditiously through."
"Your word?" said the tattooed man skeptically. "That
an' tuppence' ll buy ye pastry."
Von Kremnitz instantly drew his blade. The heads oftwo women appeared
over the barricade; they bore crossbows, with quarrels against the string. "You doubt
my word?" the leftenant said angrily. "You have not the manners of a swineherd,
you refuse! Come down here and face me, or you are no gentleman!"
The tattooed man snorted laughter. "Aye, true enough," he
said. "No gentleman I. And ye must be a true cavalier indeed, to offer me harm beyond
the support of your companions, me with numbers and fortification; no one but an honest
gentleman would be so daft. Very well, then, give me your word, and ye may pass."
Von Kremnitz waved the others forward; they came, and clambered over
the barricade-timbers from ruined buildings, with plaster still adhering; bricks and
cobblestones, rickety furniture and broken barrels-under the mistrustful eyes of
labor-stooped slum-dwellers and mighty-thewed washerwomen. The tattooed man, who seemed in
command by virtue of his military past, dispatched a walleyed youth to guide them-and, no
doubt, to report if they should break their undertaking. And then they strode through the
sad streets of Einhoch, raw sewage in the street centers and dilapidated buildings
slumping into each other, roofs at uneven angles, heaps of trash in every alley, until
they came to its nether end and a second barricade. The youth conferred briefly with a
commander there, and they were escorted over this obstacle, too.
They found themselves at the foot of a bridge over a narrow canal; and
beyond it, once more in a commercial area, the shops somewhat grander here, and many
already shuttered.
They strode up the street, doing their best to avoid the occasional
armed parties, until
Off, off in the distance, they heard a sound: A rhythm, repeated.
Bombombombom. Dumdumdadum. One syllable; then three. Over. And over. And over.
It was a crowd; not so much a crowd as a mob, the voices of a thousand,
ten thousand, raised in unison. A mile away, they could hear the beat, though the words
were impossible to distinguish.
They quailed momentarily, and glanced at each other with unease and
awe, but yonder lay the Albertine Lodge, and therein Stantius; and there they must go.
Onward they went.
The volume rose as they progressed. Onward, at the end of the avenue,
they could see a crowd of people, and around it a mist of others, wandering into the crowd
and out of it, the tightly packed mass of the mob thinning out at its fringes. The mob
swayed this way and that, swirling in chaotic motion like a fog, the brightly colored
clothes of one person showing briefly against the drabber garb of the rest, moving across
the crowd and then merging somewhere into its depths; random motion, like that of leaves
in a gale, the purposefulness of individual action merged into insensate chaos. Vowels and
aspirated consonants are more easily perceived than other sounds; a few blocks away, they
began to discern the sounds: "Shtahnur-ur-ur. Shtahnur-ur-ur.
Shtahnur-ur-ur."
They were in the fringes of the mob now, almost instinctively moving
together, preserving their unity as a party amid the vast collectivity beginning to form
about them. That collectivity was not universal; away from the mob came some folk, those
spooked by how individual consciousness merged into vast, unreasoning union, or leaving to
tend to other matters. And toward the mob came others, drawn by that roar, drawn by the
rumors that washed across the city, drawn by the promise of violence or the thrill of
participation, drawn by who knows what instinct or what compulsion: drawn toward one of
the moments when individual futility becomes, for better or for worse, a moment of
collective destiny.
They were amid the crowd now. Even here, with weeping men and bellowing
women all about, with bannerswaving and fists shaking, with people pressing leaflets into
their hands, it was difficult to make out exactly what they shouted. One beat; then three.
One; three.
"Stantz! Murderer! Stantz! Murderer! Stantz! Murderer!"
They screamed it toward the Albertine Lodge, across the square.
Albertus Square: where the Tetrine Way merges with the Avenue of
Regret, en route to the Eastern Gate. At its center was the Fountain of Albertus,
where a statue of the pudgy former mayor flung coins of watera clever mechanism,
thatinto the pool, to figures of the poor and hungry, standing in poses indicating
thankfulness. Albertus had been legendary for his generosity, but the mob paid him, and
the kinder and simpler Hamsterburg he represented, no heed. A thousand, ten thousand,
perhaps many morea measurable percentage of the population of the urbsthey
swirled about the fountain, carpeting the cobblestones, packed dangerously close.
There were flags and banners, hastily made; there were orators, screaming imprecations to
folk who could not possibly hear them against the roar of the mob; there were red faces,
tears, angry men.
Across the square, the Lodge: built by Albertus himself, in a peculiar
vision of urban rusticity. Its timbers were rough-hewn, whole pine trees; its walls,
stucco; its steeply pitched roof, shingle. It had the aspect of a mountain lodge, but it
was enormous, occupying a block entire, roomy enough for a mayor's mansion, as it had
been, roomy enough to house the whole Ministry of Internal Serenity, with its voluminous
files and its innumerable clerks, its vast apparat of spies.
The Albertine Lodge had- never been defended in battle; it had not been
designed for such, and its innumerable windows made it essentially indefensible. The
predecessors of Stantz had no fears on that score, for they had seen the Ministry merely
as a way for the Lord Mayor to keep tabs on his obstreperous nobility, no more than that;
and Stantz had never seen fit to move quarters to a more defensible site, for he would
have taken this, a mob at his very gate, for a clear indication of failure in his
selfappointed mission. Yet, around it a thin line of defenders attempted exactly this
task: the Serenissima.
For Internal Serenity maintained the Republic's
communicationsscrying crystals, stables for the horse-borne express, the semaphore
telegraph: It delivered the Lord Mayor's diplomatic missives, the vital orders of his
bureaucrats. And these required defenders: the Serenissima, the Most Serene.
There were not many, here; a few score, perhaps a century. It was a
credit to their esprit de corps that they continued to face this mob, shield to
shield, pikes held aslant, a few dozen men pressing out against this vast morass of
humanity.
If the mob chose to move, they would be trampled underfoot in seconds.
So, too, would many of the mob; but mobs do not pause to make such
calculations.
"Stantz! Murderer! Stantz! Murderer!" rose the cry.
Men and women wept for their martyred lord; for the first mayor in
centuries who had tried to curb the excesses of the gens, to restore the privileges
of the populus. If Hamish Siebert had never been more than reviled among the
nobility, among the proletariat he was well beloved.
Led by von Kremnitz, a veritable dynamo, reinforced with the strength
of Kraki and the power of Jasper's magical suggestion to give way, they forced their way
through the crowd, and to the lip of the fountain. There they paused for breath, and to
survey the situation.
"Stantz! Murderer!" roared the crowd.
"Looks like you're not the only guy that had that idea,"
shouted Nick to von Kremnitz.
"Their very conviction makes me doubt it," shouted the
leftenant back, wiping his brow.
"I've got a bad feeling about this," said Sidney.
Timaeus and Frer Mortise both looked as if they could hardly bear their
surroundings: Timaeus, perhaps, from aristocratic fear of the mob; Mortise, a rustic, from
unease at the sheer numbers about him. "Is one supposed to get a good feeling?"
shouted Timaeus over the crowd.
"We get the statue," shouted Sidney in explanation.
"Then the mob storms the Lodge. We are killed in the ensuing chaos."
They contemplated that. Perhaps attempting to regain their statue, in a
city in the throes of revolution, from the headquarters of the most hated defenders of the
ancien regime, perhaps this was not the smartest move in the world.
"This way," shouted von Kremnitz, pushing off from the
fountain.
It was hard going, through that morass of humanity, the tightly packed
flesh. Without Kraki's strength and Jasper's power of suggestion, they might never have
made the mob's edge. At last, however, they neared the wall of shields, the defenders of
the Lodge.
The eyes of the soldiers were frightened: determined, but scared. Their
shields overlapped, they leaned into their shields, shoulder first, pressing back against
the mob that sought to overwhelm them. In this they were at least partially aided by the
people at the mob's fringe, people who, however much their emotions had been captivated by
the unity of the mob, the passions of the hour, knew that they, unlike those farther back,
were in close proximity to killing weapons. If this tentative peace, this uneasy
equilibrium of forces, broke down, if the mob surged forward or one of the soldiers lost
his head and struck out with a spear or sword, those at the fore would suffer. They would
be the ones to die. And so they drew back, as much as they were able, against the force of
the folk behind them.
Von Kremnitz pushed the man ahead of him to the side, and came face to
face with a soldier. Her eyes widened as she took him in, saw the weapons at his belt, the
look of determination on his face; she panicked, brought down her pike ...
Von Kremnitz's heart went to his throat; she might well kill him, his
own mobility hampered by the crowd, his light blade of dubious utility against a wall of
shields. But more than that, this one gesture might precipitate chaos: If a soldier were
to kill a protestor, that would inflame the passions of the mob, might lead to
full-fledged riot. He had no desire to kill her-she, like he, a servant of the
citybut more, he had no desire to see the Lodge looted, burned, chaos spreading
across fair Hamsterburg. He
A gloved hand fell on the soldier's shoulder. "Steady,
Giselle," barked a serjeant's voice. "Remember your orders."
Shamefaced, she raised her pike once more, brought it back to its
accustomed slant, resting on the top of her square shield. And the serjeant pulled her out
of the line, motioning another soldier forward to take her place before any of the mob
could press through the momentary gap.
"Serjeant!" shouted von Kremnitz, before the man could walk
away. "Serjeant! I must speak with you!"
The man turned, looked warily at von Kremnitz. His eyes widened as he
took in the man and his diverse companionsand narrowed as he saw the pin at von
Kremnitz's cloak, the pin that bore the hamster statant regardant of Hamsterburg.
"I bear the Lord Mayor's safe passage," shouted von Kremnitz.
"I demand entry!"
"He's dead," shouted the serjeant. "Or haven't you
heard?"
"Nonetheless!" von Kremnitz insisted. "I have vital
information!"
The serjeant looked uncertain, but turned to face the Lodge. He
whistled, then held four fingers in the air and gave a wave. In moments, four soldiers
appeared, apparently summoned from the Serenissima's scant reserve. They formed a
semicircle, slightly back from the line, around the serjeant; the serjeant pushed between
two members of the shield wall and motioned von Kremnitz through.
"Stantz! Murderer!" roared the crowd. One man, unkempt,
unbathed, beard to his chest, threw himself toward the momentary opening, but a soldier
merely bashed his head with the side of a shield. Timaeus started forward, then realized
that the serjeant had permitted entry only to von Kremnitz.
The leftenant stood beyond the wall, surrounded by soldiers, arguing
with the serjeant. He displayed his document, with its impressive seal: the laissez-passe
that Siebert had given him. He pointed toward the others, but the serjeant merely
shook his head.
The serjeant pointed to von Kremnitz, as if to say,
"You"and held up one finger, as if to say, "You alone."
Timaeus could hear not a word of what passed between them.
Over the line, a point of green light flitted. Unnoticed, it circled
over the serjeant's head.
Von Kremnitz reddened, enraged; he grabbed the serjeant's breastplate
with both hands, screaming into the man's face.
The serjeant's face went slack, as if personality had gone out of it;
he nodded, a mechanical nod. He spoke briefly to von Kremnitz, who let go, looking rather
confused.
The serjeant spoke again, to the soldiers around them; the four looked
a little bewildered, but when the serjeant repeated his order, they shrugged, turned away,
returned to their position near the Lodge.
The serjeant pushed his way through the shield line and beckoned
Timaeus and the others forward.
Behind them came a cry"Traitors! Spies for the
Spider!"and the mob pressed forward against the line. Quickly the party darted
through the narrow opening in the shield wall, the shields coming together behind them
with a clash. Soldiers grunted as the mob smashed into them.
Von Kremnitz, the serjeant, Timaeus, and the others trotted away,
toward the Lodge's vast oaken doors. Timaeus gave a worried glance behind; the shield line
bowed inward, the pressure of the mob forcing the defenders backinward, inward ...
In moments, he feared, it would give way ...
More soldiers came from the Lodge at a run, hurling themselves into the
line, pressing back against the mob, a few thin reinforcements; but that seemed to be
enough, for the nonce. The line stabilized; the mob withdrew.
The serjeant seemed curiously oblivious to these events for a man with
ostensible responsibility for this section of the line. About his head, Jasper continued
to fly.
"What did you tell him?" Timaeus asked von Kremnitz, puffing
to keep up.
"I don't know," said von Kremnitz. "He wasn't going to
let you throughthen suddenly changed his mind. I don't think it was anything I
said."
"Ah," said Timaeus, casting a glance up at Jasper.
VII.
The Lodge's interior: A-frame beams overhead, darkened with age;
frightened bureaucrats hustling to and fro on apparently urgent business. The room was
cold, lit by flickering torches that an educated eye could see were magical-no smoke
rising from the flames to choke the air, the brands themselves unconsumed by the fire they
bore. At the back of the large chamber was a desk, manned by several clerks; from the
chamber four corridors led off down rows of offices.
The serjeant led them to the desk. One of the clerks conversed with a
bureaucrat, while another accepted a package from a harried messenger; a third was
unoccupied. "What is it, serjeant?" he asked.
"These people have the Lord Mayor's laissez-passe," the
serjeant said, in a mechanical drone. "They seek an audience with Magistra
Wolfe."
The clerk's eyebrows gave a leap. "I shall try to locate
her," he said, and turned to a bank of speaking tubes.
They waited, impatiently and rather nervously, while the clerk hollered
first into one tube, then another, putting his ear to each tube to hear its reply. At
last, he turned back to them, and said, "Have you an appointment?"
"No," said von Kremnitz, "but the matter is
urgent."
The clerk sighed. "May I see this laissez passe?"
Von Kremnitz laid a parchment document on the desk; it was hastily
scribbled in poor penmanship, but bore the Mayor's seal, in red wax, at its bottom.
"It appears legitimate," shouted the clerk into the tube. He
listed for the reply, then turned to von Kremnitz. "What is the matter about?"
he asked.
Von Kremnitz looked at the others. Timaeus shrugged. Sidney said,
"Tell him."
"The statue of Stantius," said von Kremnitz.
The clerk looked mystified, but repeated this to the tube. As he
listened to the response, his face went blank. "Yes, ma'am," he said, turned
back to the desk, and rang a bell.
In a moment, a young man in a gray tunic appeared. "Jorge,"
the clerk ordered. "Take these people to Room Six, in the Griffon section."
"Yes, sir," said the boy. "This way, gentles."
They followed him toward one of the corridors. Behind them, the
serjeant turned on his heel and marched back toward the main front door. Jasper flew with
him briefly, then swerved and met up with the others.
They hustled down the corridor, Jorge setting a swift pace. The walls
rose to intercept wooden beams at odd angles, as if the corridor were a late addition, the
area through which they passed originally a large chamber, later subdivided. Torches lined
the walls at lengthy intervals, providing dim illumination-enough to make one's way,
but not much more. Even here, the roar of the crowd could be faintly heard, that one beat
and three. Men and women scurried past, some carrying files or papers.
"Dammit," Sidney said in a low voice, "we're doing it
again!"
"What do you mean?" asked von Kremnitz.
"You got us in," she said, "as you promised. But we've
got no plan, no"
"Ahem," said Timaeus. "Our guide can hardly fail to
overhear us. And a busy corridor is not the best place"
"Never fear for Jorge," said Jasper. "I have him in a
light trance; he'll not remember anything he shouldn't. And if we're discreet, I think the
people we pass won't take alarm."
"Good," said Timaeus. "Sidney's right. What are we to
do?"
"Find statue," said Kraki. "Take it. Kill anyvone who
gets in vay. Leave."
"It has the virtue of simplicity," said Timaeus.
"However, I'm not entirely clear on how the first step is to be accomplished."
They came to a large open archway of decorative stone, the capstone
carved in the shape of a griffon; through it was a large,chamber, with rows of tables,
seats, and a lectern at one end. Along the left side of the room were several doors, one
numbered "6" in brass. Jorge led the way toward it.
"Wolfe will know where it is," said Nick.
"We hope," said Sidney.
"Can we bushwhack her? Take her hostage?" said Nick.
"Sounds risky," said Timaeus.
"Life is risky," said Kraki.
"She's a mage," Jasper pointed out. They skirted a table. "Umbrae,
isn't it, leftenant?"
"Yes," said von Kremnitz.
They came to Room Six's door; Jorge lifted a hand to turn the
knob
"Wait!" said Sidney. "We still don't have"
"Magistra Wolfe isn't in there," Jasper said. "She's to
meet us here."
"How do you know?"
"Jorge knows," said Jasper.
"All right," said Sidney. "Let him open it, then."
Room Six had the aspect of a sitting room; there were couches, armchairs, tables. At one
end stood a chalkboard, and on the table were piled papers, inkwells, quills, blotters,
and knives for trimming nibs. Clearly, it was often used for conferences of one kind or
another. Peculiarly, it had no windows, but was lit instead by a globe of glowing white
light at the ceiling's center.
"Thank you, Jorge," said Jasper. "You may go now."
"As you wish," said the young man. He closed the door behind
him.
"Taking Magistra Wolfe hostage may be risky," Jasper said,
"yet here, in the Spider's very web, we are at considerable risk regardless. We do
have an advantage; no doubt the Ministry is distracted by the chaos outside. And the
building may be stormed at any moment; if it is, we may be able to escape with relative
ease, assuming we do not find ourselves a target of the mob's fury."
"Wouldn't it be easier to explain ourselves to Wolfe?" said
Timaeus. "Surely"
"Stantz obviously wants the statue," Sidney said, "or
Wolfe wouldn't have stolen it. You think maybe he'll give it back if we just ask pretty
please?"
"Guismundo Stantz is not to be trusted," said von Kremnitz.
"Yes, all right," said Timaeus. "Wolfe comes in, we grab
her, force her to tell us where the statue isSir Jasper, can't you just read the
information from her mind?"
"I very much doubt it," said Jasper. "She wore an amulet
against scrying in the carriage, remember?"
"Bah," said Kraki. "I grab her. Vith sword at throat,
shetalk hokay! Or, gish!" He made a motion indicative of decapitation.
"Yes, thank you, Kraki, very graphic," said Timaeus.
"More likely, you grab her, put your sword to her throat, she turns into a
shadow"
"Need spell to do that," said Kraki. "She start spell,
and gish!"
"Shadow mages are taught to subvocalize," said Timaeus.
"Otherwise, they couldn't use magic, in shadow form; shadows don't have voices. You'd
never know she was working on a spell."
"Bah," said Kraki. "Then I kill her right avay. Gish!"
"It is fairly difficult to obtain information from a corpse,"
said Timaeus testily.
"Unless you're a necromancer," Nick pointed out.
"True enough," said Timaeus. "I don't suppose you have
unexpected talents along such lines, eh, Pratchitt?"
"No," said Nick.
"Then do shut up," said Timaeus. "We've got perhaps as
much as thirty seconds before Wolfe arrives, and no time for idiotic"
"Ahem," interrupted Jasper. "I could detect
subvocalization, I believe, even if Magistra Wolfe were to wear an amulet."
"Eh?" said Timaeus. "Hmm. So Kraki takes her hostage, we
tell her we'll kill her if she starts a spell. By Dion, this might actually work."
"Might have," said a woman's voicea voice that seemed
to come from the brass ventilation grille at the room's rear. "All right, Jocko; shut
them down."
Instantly the room went dark.
There was a crash as Kraki threw himself against the doorto no
avail. "Door locked," he reported.
Sidney cursed. "Of course they'd monitor the room,"
she said. "Of course"
There was a hissing noise.
There was a sudden sense of vertigo, as if the world itself had
lurched, as of swift motion toward a far destination ...
Unconsciousness.
Now this, thought Sidney with peculiar satisfaction, was a proper dungeon.
She was manacled at wrist and ankle, spread-eagled against the rough
stone wall. It was quite uncomfortable; the heavy metal manacles bore her full weight,
pressing into her flesh.
There was darkness, broken only by a furnace's red glow. Before the
furnace stood a man: a torturer, in the traditional garb-naked to the waist, black
pantaloons, domino mask. He moved slowly, placing irons in the fire, shuffling them about.
He withdrew one, and examined its tip; it was curved, an S-shape, glowing white-hot in the
darkness of the dungeon.
There was quiet, broken only by the slow drip of water, the roar of the
coals, the sounds of rats scuttering across the stoneSidney could see their eyes,
out there, reflecting the furnace's fire. She wondered at the noiselessness of the place;
could the roar of the crowd possibly have ended? Or were they simply so far below the
sunlit world that even the howling of the mob could not be heard?
The air was dank, chill. Perhaps there was the slightest tang of blood,
of burnt human flesh.
The torturer moved aside; and, the light of the furnace no longer
blocked by his form, Sidney made out more of the chamber. There was a table covered with
implements, gleaming instruments of unmistakable purpose. There were several other tables,
of peculiar designmanacles at the corners, blood runnels down the sides. Beneath the
tabletops were gears and wheels and latches. Sidney surmised they permitted the torturer
to alter the position of his subject, to allow an optimal approachdevices not
entirely different in function from a barber's chair.
Sidney looked to either side; her companions were likewise chained to
the wall. She, apparently, had been the first to regain consciousness, but Timaeus was now
beginning to stir.
About his upper arm, Sidney saw, twined a peculiar black bracelet; it
looked like a snake, of cast iron, with runes inscribed on its surface. And then, with an
intake of breath, she realized it was alive; it moved, constricted, tightened against
Timaeus's arm.
Timaeus groaned and opened his eyes. He looked about.
"Timaeus," Sidney whispered. "Can you burn through the
manacles?"
Timaeus looked at her, then at the snake-thing. He gave an unpleasant
start, as of someone discovering a roach in his tea. He swallowed, and said,
"No." Sidney realized he meant that the snake-thing prevented him.
"What is it?" she asked.
Timaeus hesitated. "A sort of demon," he whispered. "It
lives by draining mana, magic power. As long as it's on me" He shrugged, as
well as he was able to, spreadeagled against the wall.
Kraki, chained at Sidney's left, opened his eyes. He looked briefly
around, then began to pull at the manacles with all his might, trying to free himself
through sheer brute effort. Sidney watched for a while; he did not seem to be making
progress.
From beyond Timaeus came a clank; Sidney craned to see the source of
the sound. Another man was chained there, someone she'd never seen before: a pudgy little
man in his forties or fifties, clean-shaven and balding but with long locks at the back of
his head. His garb was that of a _ wealthy man, his hose somewhat soiled; on every one of
his ten fingers there was a ring, while his arm bore another of those menacing snakes.
"Good day, sir," Timaeus said to the man. "We find
ourselves in similar circumstances; I hight Timaeus d'Asperge, of Urf Durfal. May I
inquire"
The man blinked in surprise, then looked down at himself.
"Ah," he said. "It is I, Timaeus; surely you recognize the voice?"
Sidney did; it was Jasper, whom she had never before seen in the flesh.
Apparently, the snake-thing did more than prevent spell-casting; it drained the power of
Jasper's magic rings as well.
The masked man now stood before them, attracted by the sound of their
voices. "Good day, Master Torturer," said Sidney. "Did you do the
decorating yourself?"
"You like it?" said the torturer in a pleased voice.
"Oh, my dear, you can't imagine what I've gone through to get a proper dungeon look.
I mean, heavens, the Lodge was built with timber and plaster; they even went so far as to
stucco down here, can you imagine? I had them rip all that rubbish out. And I had to do
something with the drainage; quite dry, when I came-all very fine for a basement, but it
just won't do for a good, professional dungeon operation. I had pipes specially
installed."
"I appreciate it, I really do," Sidney said. "I've been
in dungeons in my time, and I've always thought there was something missing. This has just
the right sort of menacing sensibility."
"Oh, it's very kind of you to say so, very kind," said the
torturer.
"I was imprisoned briefly in Biddleburg," said Sidney,
"you know of it? No? Little barony up in the Dzorzia. They actually had a sofa in my
cell. Can you imagine?"
The torturer snorted in laughter. "A sofa?" he said.
"Whatever can they have been thinking of? Bed of nails, yes, I can see that;
lice-infested straw, yes, fine; rotten vegetable marrows with maggots would do quite well,
buta sofa? I suppose you just have to chalk it up to provincial ignorance."
"Have you seen the dungeons in Urf Durfal?" Sidney asked.
"Mm?" said the torturer. "No, don't get out of
Hamsterburg a great deal, I'm afraid. Just an old homebody, that's me."
"The old Grand Duke filled them up with horse dung," said
Sidney sadly. "He was very big on mushrooms, was Mortimer, wanted the space to grow
specimens."
"That's criminal!" said the torturer. "Why, the old
Durfalian dungeons were legendary! A shame, a crying shame. Ought to preserve such things
for posterity. There's a new duke, I hear, though."
"Yes," said Sidney.
"Not a fungus fancier, I hope?"
"I don't believe so," said Sidney.
"Probably want to open the dungeons up again, then," said the
torturer thoughtfully. "I suppose they can be restored. Probably take years to get
the smell out, though."
"Well, an overwhelming smell of animal dung might go very well, I
should think."
The torturer perked up. "Well, yes, it might," he said.
"You'd have to work around it, but it could be an effective element."
"Well, at any rate," said Sidney, "I shall be proud to
be tortured in first-class surroundings like this."
"II really appreciate that," said the torturer,
practically choked with emotion. "We don't get many who understand, you know.
Probably be just as happy being tortured in a music room, or a salon."
"Would you know when we're to begin?" asked Timaeus
hesitantly.
"Oh," said the torturer, "fairly soon, I should think.
As soon as Wolfe arrives." He shook his head sadly. "You're the third lot today,
you know; busy, busy, busy. City in unrest, traitors everywhere, a torturer's work is
never done."
"It must be very hard for you," said Sidney sympathetically.
"Haste makes waste, I tell them; try to get something quick, and
you'll just kill the subject," said the torturer. "Violates my contract, it
does, so many in so short a time, but just try to get the Guild interested in a grievance
like that. Excess overtime, too many victimsthey couldn't care less. Now, client
stipulating technique, that's what pisses them off. Bunch of sadistic twits, that's
what they are."
"Terrible," said Sidney.
"Look here," said the torturer. "They get you down here,
they're not going to be satisfied without a little pain. Clients too prone to lie if there
isn't any pressure, that's what they claim. You see? Me, I think folk'll say anything
under torture-especially when I torture them. I'm a professional; seven years apprentice,
six as journeyman, eight as master now. Haven't had a subject yet who hasn't spilled his
gutsfiguratively speaking. Well, no, not always figuratively."
"How very nice for you," said von Kremnitz, somewhat
hostilely.
"You think I like it?" the torturer said. "Disgusting
line of work, that's what it is. Appalling. I wanted to be a florist, but my dad wouldn't
hear of it. His dad had been a torturer, and his dad before him, and so on and on and on.
Every first-born Fenstermann is destined to stick burning bamboo shoots under people's
fingernails, apparently." He scowled. "Well, water under the bridge, and it's a
living, I suppose."
"Um, yes," said Timaeus. "All very fascinating, but see
here, it's really quite unnecessary. If you'll unlock these blasted manacles"
"Now look," said Fenstermann hotly. "What kind of
atorturer would I be if I let subjects free without management's okay? Utterly out of the
question. A matter of professional pride."
"Yes, I quite see that," said Timaeus, "but might
I"
"No, you might not," said the torturer. "Don't even
think about it. Wolfe will be here shortly, and then it'll be onto the table. Now listen
up, you lot. You seem like very nice people, for felonious enemies of the state. I said
they won't be satisfied without a little torture, and they won't. But please, do
cooperate; let's make it a little torture, yes? A second-degree burn or two, maybe
a small incision; some bandages, and a couple of stitches, you'll be right as rain. But if
you balk, I shan't be responsible. Out in a wheelbarrow if you get out at all. I do hope
you' 11"
"Making friends with the meat again, Fenstermann?" came a
voice.
"Wolfe," said the torturer resignedly, turning. Beyond him
stood a woman, clad in loose black blouse and gray pantaloons, a jagged scar across her
face and nose, closecropped graying hair in a helmet above her forehead. The lines about
her mouth gave an impression of permanent impatience. Almost, Sidney admired her: The
woman projected a strong air of competence, of power, of energy. "You must talk to
them upstairs," the torturer continued. "I just can't do an adequate job with
this many subjects. I realize there's a revolution on, but2'
"Shut up, Fenstermann," Wolfe said. She walked down the line,
examining each of them in turn. When she came to the leftenant, she said, "You von
Kremnitz?"
"I am," he said.
"Where did you get this?," She wafted the safe passage under
his nose.
"It was given to me," von Kremnitz said stiffly, "by His
Serenity, Hamish the First, of the House Siebert, Lord Mayor of the Most Serene Republic
of Hamsterburg. It requires you to lend me every assistance; wherefore, I
demand"
"I don't give a good goddamn," said Wolfe. "You clowns
were plotting to hold me hostage."
"Gish!" said Kraki menacingly, shaking his manacles.
"That too," Wolfe said. "I want to know what you know
about the statue, why you want it, and who you are."
"Trade you," said Nick.
Wolfe blinked. "What do you mean?"
"A question for a question," said Nick.
"You're not in any position to bargain," said Wolfe. She
turned to Fenstermann. "We'll start with him."
"Oops," said Nick.
"I'd rather torture her," said Fenstermann, pointing to
Sidney.
"Why?" said Wolfe.
"She's got a real feel for things," said Fenstermann.
"She'll appreciate the technique."
Wolfe snorted. "Fenstermann, sometimes I don't understand you. If
you like her"
"No, it's all right, really," said Sidney. "I'll go
first."
Wolfe glared at Sidney. "What are you, some kind of
masochist?"
"N-no," said Sidney. But she could always turn into a cat and
quite possibly escape, while Nick had no such option. "Anything to be helpful."
Wolfe eyed Sidney warily, and said, "If you want to be tortured,
you've got a reason. The man."
Fenstermann shrugged and went to unlock Nick, then carried him over to
one of the tables.
"Stiff upper lip, Pratchitt," said Jasper. "Never
surrender. You can do it, lad."
"Please," said the torturer in a long-suffering tone. "I
am a professional, you know. Of course you'll talk. And if you'll take my advice,
you'll do it quickly."
"Talk?" said Nick nervously. "You want me to talk?
Ofcourse I'll talk. I love to talk. My mother always said she couldn't get me to stop talking,
as a matter of fact. And I never could keep a secret, ask any of my friends. Chatterbox
Pratchitt, that's me, talk the livelong day. Ask me a question, any question"
"How about the iron maiden?" said Wolfe.
Fenstermann pursed his lips judiciously. "A little advanced for
the start, don't you think? Red-hot pokers against the skin, I'd say."
"Urg," said Nick.
"Well, you're the professional," said Wolfe dubiously,
"but I've always thought the iron maiden was very effective."
"True, true," said Fenstermann. "Still, I've got these
irons in the fire, might as well use them for something." He picked one out of the
blaze. "Here we go," he said, approaching Nick. "Lie still, now; this won't
hurt a bit."
"It won't?" said Nick.
"Well, actually, it will, rather," said Fenstermann
apologetically.
He brought the tip of the iron, glowing with intense white heat, down
through the air, down toward"Halt!" shouted a voice. "Put that down!"
Into the furnace's dim illumination strode a man; an old man, but a
vigorous one; a man in the robes of office, a man with the jowly appearance of a basset
hound ...
"My lord!" said von Kremnitz, in wonder. "You
live!"
"Release them instantly," said Hamish Siebert.
"My lord," said Wolfe in alarm, "you are needed above!
The"
"Quite right," said Siebert. "We haven't much time.
Therefore, release them at once."
"But theythey're felons!" Wolfe said. "They
planned to hold me hostage, to"
"Did they really?" said Siebert in interest. "Must have
their reasons, I suppose. Nonetheless, young von Kremnitz is one of my most trusted men,
and his companions and I have an understanding. I vouch for their good behavior. And I
shall stay right here until you free them."
"You can't do that!" said Wolfe. "If you don't appear
before the mob, they'll storm the Lodge!"
"I imagine so," said the Lord Mayor. "Therefore, you'd
better release these good people with alacrity, so I may return upstairs as quickly as
possible, nest-ce pas?"
"You'll get us all killed," said Wolfe in a disgruntled tone,
but motioned to Fenstermann to release the prisoners. He failed to move sufficiently
quickly for her taste; she grabbed some of his keys and set to work as well.
"What aboutthat," said Timaeus, pointing to the black
thing on his arm.
Wolfe, looking at it, shuddered slightly and turned to Fenstermann. The
torturer went to get a pair of tongs; he used them to pluck away the slug-like thing and
toss it into the fire. He repeated the task with Jasper.
"Now follow me," said Siebert. "You, too,
Magistra." He began to stride across the floor, setting a surprisingly rapid pace for
an elderly man.
"You shouldn't have come down here," Wolfe scolded, easily
keeping up. The others, somewhat taken by surprise, lagged behind. "You're running a
terrible risk."
"Magistra Wolfe," said Siebert in a censorious tone,
"the good leftenant bore my safe passage; it was my sworn duty to aid himand
yours, as well, I might add. If anyone endangers our lives, it is"
"I say," said Jasper, flitting up to join them, "am I to
understand that the Lord Mayor is needed elsewhere as quickly as possible?"
"Yes!" said Wolfe intemperately. "You needn't come if
you don't"
"I have a ring of magical flight," said Jasper. "Why
don't I lend it to you, your serenity?"
"Ah! That would be useful, if you would," said Siebert,
coming to a halt.
"If I can get the damned thing off-good. Bit of luck, that. Here
you are."
"You have my thanks," said Siebert. "Magistra, if you
mistreat these people further, I shall have your eyes put out. Hard to be a shadow mage if
you can't perceive shadows, what?"
"Go, dammit!" said Wolfe. "Move!"
"Ta," said Siebert. He lifted from the dark rocks of the
dungeon and flitted away through the air.
"Now what?" asked Sidney, eyeing Wolfe uneasily and wishing
for her weapons. She checked; yes, even the knife in her boot was gone.
"Oh, come along," said Wolfe. "Up these stairs."
The stairs seemed to twine upward forever. At intervals, magic torches
flickered. Wolfe led the way.
"I thought you had killed him," von Kremnitz said
wonderingly.
"Me?" said Wolfe. "Oh, you mean the Ministry. Actually,
I might well have been asked to kill him, if Stantz had wanted him dead."
"How is it that he is alive?" von Kremnitz asked.
"Faked his death, of course," said Wolfe.
"Why?" said Timaeus, breathing hard; his legs were beginning
to feel the strain of so many stairs.
"Isn't it obvious?" said Wolfe nastily. "The
Accommodationists have been planting rumors for weeks, claiming Stantz had tried to kill
the mayor before, and would do it again. And they made Siebert's assassination the signal
for their troops to move."
"Didn't you just-do what they wanted to happen?" said Sidney.
"Aren't they moving to take over the city now?"
"Yup," said Wolfe. "But in a few moments, the Lord Mayor
will miraculously appear before the people of Hamsterburg. And then he will lead them
toward the Maiorkest, to rally the folk against tyranny."
"I see," said Jasper. "The Accommodationists had planned
for the mob to storm the Albertine Lodge, but instead, the mob becomes a weapon in
Siebert's hands."
"Exactly," said Wolfe. "And-the assassination was not to
occur for several days. Their troops are out of position, and they won't coordinate
properly."
"Excellent!" said von Kremnitz. "I had misjudged you and
the minister, Magistra. And when the Lord Mayor appears with the Scepter and statue of
Stantius, the people will know he is divinely appointed to lead the nation. Patriotic
rapture will sweep the urbs, men and women will rally to the sign of the hamster;
the Accommodationist host will melt away like snow in the spring!"
"Ah," said Wolfe. "Hmm."
"It really isn't your statue, Leftenant," Timaeus pointed
out. "I suppose we could permit its temporary use to calm the city, but afterward, we
really must continue on our quest."
"Yes, yes," said von Kremnitz. "Of course." He
spoke a little too hastily for Sidney's peace of mind.
"What I don't understand," said Nick, "is why, if the
Lord Mayor knew Magistra Wolfe would be snatching the statue, he didn't let us know. We
could have worked together."
"Quite, quite," said Wolfe absently. "Here we are."
The stairs spiraled a final time, and a door came into view.
VIII.
Wolfe brought them through the busy corridors of the Albertine Lodge to
a large chamber, apparently a ballroom, for the floor was polished wood and the space was
unfurnished, save for a few couches and chairs drawn up against the walls. The
late-morning sun shone brightly through the French doors of the far wall, which opened out
onto a large balcony. The middle set of doors had been flung open, and through them they
could see Hamish Siebert, in his mayoral robes of office, standing before the crowd, arms
outspread.
Beyond him was the swirling enormity of the mob, packing Albertus
Square from one end to the other. They had ceased their chant some time ago, but their
roar was no less for that; there were shouts, screams, orations, yells from across the
square, an inchoate noise like that of the sea, battering against the Albertine walls. It
gave the air a physical quality, as of waves of pressure washing against the ears.
The Lodge's defenders were out there, still, a thin line against
enormity. It was a miracle, Sidney thought, that they had not been overwhelmed, a tribute
to their esprit and staminaand an indication, perhaps, that the rabblerousers the
Accommodationists should have had in the mob, to spur it into action, were either cowed or
missing.
At first it seemed as if the crowd were entirely oblivious to Siebert's
presence; it was minutes before any diminution in that roar could be perceived. But some
folk noticed the single figure standing on the balcony, and realized someone wanted to
address them; and of those close to the Lodge, some were able to recognize Siebert, while
others recognized his robes of office. Word began to circulate to those farther back in
the square. Slowly, slowly, the noise died down, silence spreading outward as waves spread
from a stone dropped in still water.
It took perhaps ten minutes-and all that time, Siebert held his hands
in the air. At last there was silence-or near silence, as much silence as ten thousand are
capable of accomplishing: the occasional sneeze or cough or low conversation. Ten thousand
people stood, looking upward; waiting for Siebert to speak.
He began.
THE ALBERTINE ADDRESS
My name, if you haven't already figured that out, is Hamish Siebert.
Death came for me this morning; but he and I got to talking, and got to drinking, and I
left him under the table.
As he slid from his chair, I grabbed the handle of his scythe, because
I'd always heard that the blade has a name on it, when Death comes for you. Maybe it says
"Cholera," or maybe it says "Age," but it always has the name of the
one who fells you. I squinted at the blade, and heldit to the light, but the name I read
was not that of Guismundo Stantz.
So I grabbed Death's bony shoulder, and shook it a bit.
"Charley," I said, "wake up, boy." And he did, a little, and asked me
what I wanted.
Well, hell; what do you want? I've got a pretty fair idea. You want a
chicken in the pot. You want the rent paid. You want the kids to stop whining. And most of
the time, you just want the city to leave you damned well alone.
But some of you may have kept a scrappy little rodent, as a kid. And
maybe you kept it not just to have a furry little thing to pet; maybe it meant something
more. It stood for the neighbors who told you to get along home to your mother when it
started to get dark, it stood for the bustle of the market and the ships at the dock, the
swordsmen swaggering in velvet, and the blind beggars on the Tetrine Way who tell stories
to the kids while Mom darts in to do some shopping. It stood for a city, our city, the
city, once, of empire, and still the center of the human world. Most of the time, you want
a chicken in the pot, and perhaps a wee dram after, but you also want something for
Hamsterburg, something better than what she's got. You do, or you wouldn't be here.
Why are you here?
I know, of course; I'd be deaf if I hadn't heard you, the last hour or
two. You thought Stantz had me killed. You came to avenge me.
You don't know how profoundly moved I am, how grateful I am for your
assistance. In my short time as Lord Mayor, I've mostly met obstruction and resistance; I
had just no idea that so much of the city believed in me, believed we could bring about
the changes the city needs, cared enough to mourn me, let alone avenge my death.
But I'm not dead yet. And neither is your hamster, however long since
you dug a hole for him in your backyard.
Death asked me what I wanted; and so I told him. I told him I wanted
the city clean. I wanted an end to her decline. I wanted her governance out of the hands
of the gens, who, however well they guided her in her youth, have descended into
corruption; I wanted the city to serve her people. I wanted an end to dissension, and a
unity of purpose in restoring the city to her former glory; I wanted the hamster perky,
and not dead.
"Give me a corkscrew and a case of the red," Death said,
"and I'll give you a little time."
A little time; that's all anyone has, a little time. I said yes, of
course. And so I, and you, and Hamsterburg, have a little time left.
What are we going to do with it?
When I was a boy, my dad owned some stables up in the borough of
Stuffel. When I got to be fifteen, he told me it was time I got to work in the family
business. I told him that was fine, of course, figuring he'd give me a nice, cushy
position, overseeing the hostlers, or buying the feed. After all, I was the boss's son. My
dad took me out to the stables and handed me a shovel and a broom. "Start to
work," says he.
I threw a fit, but he wasn't to be budged; he thought I should learn
the business from the ground up. And so I did, though it wasn't so much from the ground up
as up from the horse's arsehole. For the next three months, I was up to my knees in
horseshit, day after day, and believe me, it did nothing for my popularity with the girls.
And the job never ended: however much shit you shoveled, the horses were always making
more.
I thought I'd never have a job as hard as that one, but that was before
they made me mayor. I feel like I'm back in the stables, after all this time. However much
shit I shovel, the gens are always making more. But, by all the gods, this stable
needs to be clean, and if it's within my power, and it can be done in the little time I've
got left, I'm going to clean it.
I've got some extra shovels, though. Care to lend a hand?
Good. There's a particularly noisome stench coming from one stall, over
here. Over the stall is a plaque, engraved with the horse's name. And, funny thing, it's
the same name I read on Death's own scythe.
The name of the horse is Gerlad von Grentz.
If we shovel a bit, I think we'll find some rats, buried in the muck.
They've been going about the town, squeaking in people's ears. "Guismundo Stantz
tried to have the Lord Mayor killed," they squeaked. "He'll try it again."
Wondered where that rumor came from, didn't you?
Now, why should the rats want to spread it? Because they wanted you
here, today. They didn't expect Hamish Siebert to drink Death under the table; they
expected him to fall. And they wanted you here, to storm the Lodge, to smash this
Ministry. Why?
Because Guismundo Stantz, for all his faults, is a patriot. And he
would never allow any of the gens to seize absolute power.
Gerlad von Grentz, say.
Oh, there's more to the plot, to be sure; there are a good many rats,
down there in the manure. The noble House of von Grentz maintains its own army; it marches
on the city. Von Grentz is allied with other gens of similar inclination; their
troops march too. My death was to be their signal for rebellion.
But my Death has a weakness for strong drink. And I've got ten thousand
friends, with shovels.
You can kill a rat with a shovel, if you move fast. You might have to
whack it a couple of times. And rats are all we face.
I know, it's true; some of those rats are armed and trained veterans.
And you, you're just civilians. Civilians, citizens, as are we all; Hamsteriana
civitatis sumus. And they're rats. They expect an easy conquest, a city in unrest,
thankful for the restoration of order; they don't expect angry men and women armed with
spades. Rats are very bold, but are quick to flee the shovel's mortal smash.
Shoulder up your shovels, and ask yourselves this: Are you miceor
are you Hamsters?
Rats may be bigger, but we are the better rodents.
And we know how to shovel shit.
Von Grentz's stall isn't the only one that needs shoveling, but once we
clean that one up, the others will be easier, I think. And you've got to start somewhere,
when you've got a stable to clean.
A mile from here is the Maiorkest. The Mayoral Foot is there. I'm going
to take a stroll, and join them. If you come along, I don't think the rats will bother us.
If you come along, I think they'll slink back to their holes. All we need to show, I
think, is that this city holds more Hamsters than rats.
Are you coming?
The crowd roared approbation.
Von Kremnitz wept in a veritable paroxysm of patriotic joy.
Kraki snored.
"Very nice speech, I thought," said Jasper. "I rather
liked that last turn of phrase; classic example of chiasmus, wouldn't you say?"
"Chiasmus?" said Timaeus. "You old fool, when did you
last study rhetoric? That was metonymy, and quite an effective use."
"Metonymy? Are you daft? I know chiasmus when I hear it. The gods
only know what they teach you twits at university these days. Why, when I was a
lad"
Jasper was interrupted by Siebert, who appeared in the French doors,
tossing a ring in his right hand. Spotting Jasper, he said, "I say, old man; do you
mind if I use yourring to fly down to the crowd? I'll toss it up to you on the balcony, if
you like."
"Oh, certainly," said Jasper. "Make a grand entrance,
what?"
"Politics is at least half spectacle," said Siebert.
"Come along then." He turned to walk back onto the balcony.
"Wait!" protested Sidney. "What about the statue?"
Standing in the doorway, Siebert blinked. "What about it .
"Why did you not use it to bolster your claim, my lord?"
asked von Kremnitz. "Surely it would have been an effective element of your
address."
"It is hard to exploit something you haven't got," Siebert
said acidly. "We'll try to get it from von Grentz once this is over"
Von Kremnitz whirled to face Wolfe. "You didn't tell him!" he
said.
"Urn," said Wolfe.
Siebert hesitated, obviously not wanting to keep the mob much longer.
"Tell me what?"
"Internal Serenity's,got it!" von Kremnitz said. "Wolfe
stole it from the Drachehaus, out from under our very noses."
"I see," said Siebert. "Is this so, Magistra
Wolfe?" "Well, yes," said Wolfe. "We thought it dangerous to permit
von Grentz to keep the statue"
"Quite so," said Siebert. "But as my ally, I do expect
you to keep me informed of"
"We didn't know you had an interest," said Wolfe.
Siebert sighed with exasperation. "I am Lord Mayor of this
benighted cesspool," he said. "I do expect to be informed of events of striking
political import. I shall expect Minister Stantz to explain himself. At considerable
length."
"I'll tell him," said Wolfe.
"Mind you do," said Siebert. "And you may tell him,
also, to surrender the statue immediately to these people."
Wolfe recoiled. "You're joking," she said.
"By no means," said Siebert. "They are its legitimate
owners."
"Legitimatebut consider the political" sputtered
Wolfe.
"Enough," said Siebert with finality. "We can discuss it
later, if Stantz insists. In the meantime, I must be off."
"Yes, my lord," said Wolfe forlornly. "Farewell."
"Ta," said Siebert jauntily, and departed. Jasper followed
him onto the balcony, to retrieve his ring.
Out in the square, the folk were gradually filtering away. The sheer
number of people meant it would no doubt take long minutes before the square was finally
clear.
"Well, Magistra?" said Timaeus, pipe at a defiant angle.
"Our statue, if you please."
Wolfe dithered for a moment, then shook her head. "Stantz has to
make that decision," she said. "I couldn't just hand it over to you, even if I
knew where it's stored."
"Fine," said Sidney. "Take us to Stantz."
"Tout de suite, " said Jasper.
"I can't," said Wolfe. "He's in the War Room! There's a
rebellion on, or hadn't you noticed? He's up to his neck in planning"
"Goodo," said Timaeus. "Then take us to the War
Room."
"Not likely," said Wolfe. "You're not cleared. Besides,
you're aliens! I can't think of a more drastic security breach than"
"My dear lady," said Jasper, "the Lord Mayor did say to
give us the statue `immediately,' did he not? I don't believe the word is susceptible to
much interpretation."
Wolfe smiled at that. "You haven't done much business with
government, have you?" she said. "There's `immediately' as in `this instant.'
There's `immediately' as in `as soon as practical.' There's `immediately' as in `follow
normal procedures but put this at the top of the list.' There's `immediately' as in `I
want to be able to blame you for the delay, but please take as long as possible.' And then
there's"
"Oh, shut up," said Sidney. "Take us to Stantz. Do it
now!"
Wolfe peered at Sidney. "Shut up yourself, dear," she said
sweetly. "I'm not scared by gutter toughs like you."
"I kill her?" asked Kraki with interest.
"No, no, no," said Frer Mortise.
Kraki scowled. "Civilization," he swore. "In northland,
you have dispute, you kill. Simple. Here you talk, talk, talk, nothing gets done."
"If we kill her," Timaeus said patiently, "she won't be
able to tell us where the statue is."
"Yah, hokay," said Kraki, "but it be more fun."
Wolfe went to a bellpull that ran against one wall and gave it a yank.
"I'll have you shown to the Green Room," she said.
"Oh, no you don't," said Sidney. "You're not gassing us
again."
Wolfe scowled at her. "I'm not going to gas you," she said.
"The Lord Mayor would have my head. But I can't take you to the War Room, so you'll
just have to wait. In the Green Room."
"No," said Sidney. "Take us with you."
"Impossible," said Wolfe. "A messenger will be here
shortly to take you there. Goodbye." She started toward the heavy doors at the
ballroom's far end.
Sidney trotted along, waving urgently at the others to follow.
"You can't get rid of us that easily," she said determinedly. "We're
sticking with you until you get us the statue."
"Oh, come on," said Wolfe. "Can't you wait"
"For how long?" demanded Sidney. "I've dealt with
government. We could be in your Green Room for weeks. I'm not letting you out of
sight."
"Sorry," said Wolfe. "I forbid it. You may not
come."
"How do you propose to stop us?" demanded Sidney. "By
force? Do you think the Lord Mayor will appreciate that? Bring us the statue, or we're
coming along."
"I can't allow that," said Wolfe.
"Try and stop us'," said Sidney.
Wolfe contemplated that. "All right," she said. And turned
into a shadow. She began to slide toward the door.
Sidney whirled to face the French doors; the morning sun shone brightly
out there, rays slanting into the long hall. She looked down at her own shadow; it was
etched clearly against the parquet floor.
Sidney sprinted after Wolfe's shadow, reaching for a dagger
thatwasn't there. That's right, she realized; their weapons had still not been
restored. She then raised her fists, holding them up against the light until they cast
clear shadows against the floor. She threw a fist forward.... The first itself struck
nothing, moving through empty space. Its shadow, however, smashed into-Wolfe's.
Wolfe's shadow recoiled.
Sidney struck out with her other hand. It felt strange, to box against
nothing. For good measure, she kicked the air, her foot's shadow kicking Wolfe's.
There was a sense of magic transition; and then a corporeal Wolfe stood
in the hall once more, a prominent bruise around one eye. She swiftly drew her blade and
put its point to Sidney's neck. "Stop that," she practically snarled.
"I kill her now?" said Kraki.
"No, no, no," said Frer Mortise, Timaeus, and Jasper,
practically in unison.
Kraki pouted.
Sidney spread her hands. "I've stopped," she said.
"See?"
Wolfe breathed heavily for a long moment, then finally sheathed her
weapon. "Oh, all right," she said finally. "Look, I really can't take you
to the War Room. Why don't I take you to Stantz's office?"
Sidney considered that. "All right," she said at last.
IX.
"Hallo, hallo, hallo," said the fat man.
He was, thought Timaeus, rather astoundingly corpulent. He had known
Guismundo Stantz was supposed to be fat, but the sheer bulk of the man was impressive. The
chair behind his desk was large, but even so, Stantz filled it to overflowing, folds of
flesh squeezed between and over the arms. It was amazing, Timaeus thought, that the man
could still walk.
"I thought you were in the War Room," said Wolfe.
"Pooh," said Stantz, waving a hand the size of a dinner
plate. "The staff can handle things. Good as over."
Kraki wandered into the room and looked about in the dimness. He
spotted the cheese, cut off a wedge the size of his head, and started gnawing. The others
moved in more slowly, blinking at the oddly appointed space: the strange contraption
lighting the papers on Stantz's desk, the innumerable speaking tubes, the newscrystal.
Wolfe snorted. "You've got more confidence in Siebert than I
do."
"Perhaps so, perhaps so," said Stantz genially. "And who
are these people, whom you have so gaily escorted into my sanctum sanctorum? No
little breach of security, I might add."
"Friends of Siebert, apparently," said Wolfe.
"May we be seated?" asked Timaeus. Kraki, still munching on
his cheese, was now examining the flask of syrup of greep that stood on the sideboard,
along with glasses and a pitcher of water.
"Of course, of course, please," said Stantz. "And might
I inquire as to your business?" Kraki picked up the syrup of greep and unstoppered
it.
"The Lord Mayor says they're to be given the statue of
Stantius," said Wolfe.
"Difficult, thatI say, that's prime-quality greep syrup
there, my man. Put it down, please, you don't quaff it like ale."
"Why is it difficult?" ask Timaeus.
"Don't have it anyI say, look, put that down. I'll make you
a greep spritzer, if you like."
"What?" shouted Timaeus.
"Greep vhat?" asked Kraki.
"A greep spritzer," said Stantz. "A blend of soda water
and syrup of greep. You won't find a better or more healthful quaff. Well I know, for I
came to maturity in Hamster-Dzorzia, where elven magic lingers, where the finest greeps in
all the world are grown. It seems so long ago . . ."
"That statue!" said Timaeus. "What about"
"Wait!" said Sidney.
But they were too late: Stantz was on a roll.
SYRUP OF GREEP
It seems so long ago, so long ago that I roamed the hills of
Hamster-Dzorzia. The world was young then, always green, soft spring winds wafting
eastward with the hint of rain, young flowers nodding in the meadows, the greeps putting
forth their first green fruit. Oh, I suppose it wasn't always so; were there not winters?
And scorching days? And hours of labor totting up figures in dusty rooms? But that isn't
what sticks in the memory, from that distant time. No, it is the skirl of pipes, the
coolness of the gloaming, the scent of the greeps' new blossoms.
For that land had once been elven, long time past; and here and there,
about it, traces of elven magic lingered still. There was power, hither and yon, slowly
dying with the elves' absence, but enough of it present to support the greep.
I see you do not comprehend. It is simple enough; the greep is a magic
plant. It draws sustenance not only from rain and earth and sun, but from the magic energy
that permeates certain soils. It will not grow in mundane ground.
And its fruit; ah, its fruit. If you have not tasted the fresh greep,
new-plucked from the vine, you have no inkling of nirvana. This side of the grave, there
is no closer taste of paradise. It is tart, but not too tart; sweet, but not too sweet;
words betray me. It is trivial to describe a sight, not much harder to describe a noise,
but taste-the language does not suffice.
The greep perishes quickly; it is a delicate fruit, and cannot
withstand much handling. It must be preserved, if it is to become a commodity: They pickle
it, can it, turn it into jelly. They make greep vinegar, greep schnapps-and, of course,
greep syrup. Well I know, for my father was an haut bourgeois, a trader in products
of greep. He shipped the fresh fruit, by fast pony, sometimes by pegasus or dragonelle, to
Hamsterburg, where gourmets dined on itsexquisite flesh. There was great demand for greeps
among true connoisseurs, for different soils breed clear differences in taste: Greep grown
by a magic spring tastes of the cool freshness of the waters, while that grown where a
basilisk nests has a pungent, earthy scent. My father was always on the lookout for
magical places where the greep could be grown, for practically each new site meant a
slightly different taste, a new variety for his demanding clientele.
Because of this, I saw him little, for he was constantly on his rounds,
and only briefly in the little market village we called home. His absence, indeed, gave me
my freedom. I was sixteen that spring, old enough that, my father gone, no one in the
household could impose his will on me. I was too old to be biddable any longer; too young,
yet, to be encumbered with a share of the family's financial burdens. And so, oft of a
soft spring morning, I would sneak away from my chamber, before the hour at which I was
required to meet my tutor, and roam the hills at will.
More often than not, I would meet with Rudy. He was a year or two older
than I, of equally respectable family; and I had worshiped him from boyhood. He had a
quality of sober joy I found ceaselessly fascinating, a keen intelligence he applied to
our amusement, and a reckless daring that kept me in awe. In the best of circumstances, I
think he would have wound up dead, or imprisoned, for he was the sort of boy who steals
the clappers from the bells of the town clock, makes off with women's clothes while they
bathe, and casually pockets merchandise while the shopkeeper looks elsewhere; not, I
think, the sort to make a success of himself in the sober world.
We climbed the hills, swam in the streams, taunted bulls, played jokes
on the local yokels, and otherwise amused ourselves. His skin was fair, his arms speckled
with a light golden down, his face chiseled in such exquisite lines that, more than once,
despite our friendship, I was overwhelmed by shyness in his presence, a diffidence his
sudden grin would instantly shatter. Together, we roamed the spring-soft hills, and took
pleasure in each other as we found it.
One of our favorite places was an oak grove, down in the fold between
two hills, where a little stream ran. The stream, I think, marked the boundary between two
peasants' properties, which may, perhaps, be why the grove had not been felled to make
room for crops; that, or perhaps they, superstitious as peasants often are, felt some
sense of the power there.
The oaks were tall, centuries in age, undoubtedly dating from the era
of elven dominion. The ground was carpeted with soft leaf mold, dotted with harder acorns.
The trees abounded with squirrels, chipmunks, and various birds who survived on the mast
the oaks produced; it was a veritable little forest, one of the last great stands of trees
in all the cultivated land. Even in the hottest days of summer, the high branches of the
trees cast a cool, green shade within the grove, a shade we found inviting. Often, in the
afternoon, we would go there, drink at the stream, make a rude lunch of bread and cheese,
and lie together in the green dimness of the grove.
Oh, there was magic there, sure enough; the everyday magic of the play
of leaf-dappled light on earth, of the purling of the stream, of squirrels chattering from
the branch. But I had not realized that there was more, not until the evening I went to
see Rudy there, later than we usually met.
I snuck away after dinner, out into the gloaming. The sky was that
strange indigo that painters cannot seem to capture, the luminous fading of the light, a
time almost magical in itself. I knew the grove as a place of green dimness, but in this
already dim light, it now seemed dark, mysterious. As I entered it, I heard the sound of
voices: Rudy's, anda girl's.
Surprised that he would bring a wench to our privateplace, I crept
softly toward the stream, hiding behind the trees. And there was Rudy withwith a
creature. Oh, female, to be sure; but hardly human. Her skin was pastel viridian, her hair
bedecked with long, fine, willow-like leaves, her eyes of an elven cast. She moved with a
catlike litheness and she, and Rudy, were obviously entranced.
Astonished, I could hardly move, but watched, crouching behind the bole
of an oak, while they murmured to each other, Rudy mustering the full force of his
enormous charm. It hardly seemed necessary, for she intended much as he, and by the time
full darkness fell, they were in each other's arms. It was black, by then, in the oak
grove, no moon that night, and the trees obscuring even the meager light of the stars; I
saw little of them, hearing only their soft breathing.
I stumbled away, half in pain, half in rage. Rudy had defiled our
place, had defiled what we had together, and had done it, moreover, with a creature not of
our kind. Why did I react with such intensity? It is hard to say, now, so long after.
Certainly, Rudy had had wenches before; he was a careless, charming lad, of respectable
family, and had induced many of the local girls to spend a hour or two with him, in a
hayloft, or amid the soft greenery of the meadow. And that had never bothered me, for I
had known that they meant nothing to Rudy, nothing more than an afternoon's pleasure,
nothing by comparison to what we shared. But this, I sensed, even from that moment, this
was different.
And it was. With me, he grew distant; the intimacy we once had shared
was gone. Never did he tell me of his lover, but I could see it in his eyes, his attention
far away; he would gather wildflowers for no apparent purpose, and take them to the grove.
He would bring nuts and berries for the squirrels, lie there, his back to an oak tree, for
hours at a time, staring upward into the leaves and sighing. Never would he speak to me of
his new passion, but it was clear, not only in his actions, but in his lack of action, his
unwillingness to roam with me, to play the games that were our wont. Perhaps I should have
confronted him with what I knew, but that seemed fruitless. What could he say? What could
he have done? It was true, I knew; he had been captivated by that creature, enraptured in
her spell, and what we had once shared was gone forever.
I began to hate him, as only one whose love is betrayed can hate; hate
him nearly as much as I loathed that inhuman, green thing with which he lay. And I began
to plot my revenge.
The grove was magical; I knew that now. A dryad lived there, Rudy's
love. That information had value.
Great value. For the greep grows in magical soil, and even in
Hamster-Dzorzia, there were few enough patches of that, few places where the fruit could
be grown. Fell those trees, and the grove would be a perfect place for a stand of
vinesrich bottomland, well watered by the stream, the soil imbued with magic.
Moreover, none of the greep orchards from which my father bought were .planted in a
dryad's former grove; greeps planted there would possess a novel taste, would provide my
father with a new variety to titillate the jaded palates of the urbs.
And as it happened, he was home.
I told him what I knew. Oh, not of Rudy, nor what had passed between
him and the dryad; but of the dryad's presence, of the grove's power. My father slapped me
on the back and, I think, for the first time in my life, was proud of me. Canny merchant
that he was, he began at once to ponder how best to acquire the property, how to obtain it
from the peasants who tilled the adjoining fields without raising their suspicions as to
its value.
I slept soundly that night, savoring my victory. If I could not have
Rudy, I could serve him as he had served me, betray him as I had been betrayed. The next
day I methim, on the hill overlooking the town, and told him what I'd done.
All color drained from his face. "No," he said, "you
can't have done." When I insisted I had, and provided corroborating detail, he struck
me, a sudden vicious blow. I had not expected it, and it flung me to the ground. I think I
lost consciousness for a while, and when I awoke found a reddening bruise about one eye.
That very afternoon, I went out to the grove in the company of my
father, with two woodsmen and a sorcerer, the former to fell the grove; the latter to
protect us if the dryad proved to have unexpected powers. They set to work on the outer
trees, while I went with my father inward, to show him the stream, the largest oak
wherein, I thought, the dryad made her home
Oh, what dolor greeted us there. Where there had been green coolness
was warm blood, almost black in the darkness of the grove; gray steel, deep in Rudy's
belly, pale flesh lifeless on the moss beneath the tree. The blood ran everywhere; it was
hard to believe one man could hold so much gore. I cried out, ran to him, cradled his
head; but it was too late. Life had departed his form hours before.
My father scowled, cursed under his breath, hauled me away from Rudy,
saw the tears coursing down my cheeks, and slapped me, hard. I think he understood it all,
in that moment, understood that Rudy and I had been more than friends, understood what
Rudy had done with the creature of the wood. He was disgusted; he despised me, as I think
he always had, an unforgiving man. But worse, from his perspective, was this:
The grove was ruined. Rudy's blood would taint the soil, would taint
the greeps, if we grew them there. They would taste of metal, of blood, of death; they
would win no praises at the tables of the city.
He called the woodsmen to a halt, and hauled me roughly away from
Rudy's form. He swore to kill me if I let the townsfolk know of myunnatural desires,
he called them; odd how natural they seemed, by comparison with Rudy's, Rudy's love for
something beyond nature. And he told me he would send me to university, banish me from my
home. I hardly cared.
Rudy had known what his blood would do; how could he have not? Though
there were wheatfields, apiaries, and vineyards in Hamster-Dzorzia, the lifeblood of its
commerce depended on the greep, and we had known its ways from infancy. He had slain
himself, not out of despair, but out of love; not in mourning for the loss of his dryad,
but to protect her from the ax. He had cheated me of my vengeance, cheated me thricefold:
First, of his love; second, of the despair I had wished him to feel; third, of the dryad's
death. And most of all, he made me realize that I, too, had never been more than a passing
fancy, for him, little more than one of his girls; would he ever have sacrificed his life
for mine, as he did for the spirit of the oak?
From high in the oak's stately branches, I caught a hint of a laughing
face, a sardonic glint of the eye; the dryad was there, mocking me. Had she planned this
from the start? Had she known that, in this region, it was merely a time before she fell
to the ax? Had she plotted all this, as a means of mere survivalbetrayed Rudy
as fully as I?
In rage and frustration, I darted from the grove, took an ax forcibly
from the woodsman's hands, and ran back, to fell that mighty tree. At the least, I would
slay that thing, that green-skinned thing, that mockery of humanity.
But my father knocked me to the ground; he forbade it. "We thrive
on the gleanings of departing magic," he told me later. "Wouldst destroy what
little remains, not for gain, but from sheer spite?"
A nice sentiment, but it did not prevent him from selling the grove, at
a handsome profit, before the news of. Rudy's death became known. So he came out of it
without loss; would that I had done as well.
For years afterward, I tortured myself with what I had done; but now,
so many years later, it seems to me that we were like actors in a drama, virtually fated
to do what we did. And if my motives were vile, still it was not I who slew Rudy, nor did
I do more than advance the date at which the grove might have been felled. We did as we
felt we must, Rudy, the dryad, and I, and I can blame myself hardly any more than they.
The world is full of tragedy; much of it we cannot hope to prevent, but only to
ameliorate.
"And so," said Stantz, "when I sip of the greep, I
remember the bittersweet days of youth; and in this, the hour of triumph, it is meet to
remember that life is not always thus. Can I fix one for you?"
"Urg," said Nick.
"No, thanks," said Sidney.
"None for me, thank you," said Jasper.
"Does it have a kick?" asked Kraki:
"No," said Stantz, "it is not an alcoholic
beverage."
"Then vhat good is it?" complained Kraki.
"I'll try one, if I may," said Frer Mortise, raising one hand
hesitantly.
The others stared at him, while Stantz poured syrup and water into a
glass and chanted a brief incantation.
"The statue," said Timaeus brokenly. "The statue. Yes?
Can we talk about the statue yet?"
"Certainly," said Stantz. "What about it?"
"Where the devil is it?" Timaeus said.
"How should I know?" said Stantz.
"You had it, didn't you?" said Sidney.
"Yes, certainly," said Stantz. "Why are you interested,
if I may ask?"
"The mayor says they're the statue's legal owners," said
Wolfe.
Stantz snarled a noseful of spritzer and had to be patted on the back
for quite some time afterward. "How so?" he asked at last. "If legend be
true, Stantius himself is the legal owner, or perhaps the Dark Lord."
"Right of salvage," said Timaeus. "We found it in the
dungeon below Urf Durfal."
Stantz looked off into space thoughtfully. "Yes, there was-hmm.
Just a second." He reached down and pulled open a desk drawer. It was filled with
files, Sidney saw; that was reasonable enough, but the lever fixed to the side of the
drawer was unusual. Stantz yanked downward on the lever, the motion of someone working a
pump; with a whirr, the files spun into motion, a blur of paper inside the drawer. It was
as if, Sidney thought, the drawer opened onto a wheel stuffed with files, as if working
the lever spun the wheel, displaying a few feet of files to the drawer at a time, as if
the small file drawer somehow contained whole cabinets of paper, accessible through the
yank of a lever; impossible, Sidney scoffed to herself.
Or perhaps not, she considered. She'd heard of purses containing an
infinity of coin, wineskins capable of dispensing wine eternally. If magic could create
such things, why couldn't it store an entire department's paperwork in a single file
drawer? And wouldn't it be like the Hamsterians to put the romantic mystery of magic to
such mundane function?
At last, Stantz gave a grunt of satisfaction and pulled out a single
file folder. He placed it on his desk, opened it, and pulled over his light, on its
pulleys and gears, to shine on the folder's contents. He read for a moment, then put his
finger to a line of text. ". . . a party of adventurers in the employ of one Timaeus
d'Asperge, Magister Igniti, a gentleman of Athelstan," he read.
"I am he," said Timaeus.
Stantz looked up. "I suppose you can prove that?"
Timaeus looked faintly disgruntled. "My passport isback at the
pension," he said. "I had not expected an inquisition. It can be fetched,
if"
"Never mind," said Stantz, waving his enormous hand and
flipping through the file. "I shall take you at your word. Now wasn't there-yes, here
it is. Ah. Vincianus Polymage? How extraordinary. Is he still alive?"
"Technically," said Timaeus. "The body survives, albeit
the mind has seen better days."
"Taking it to Arst-Kara-Morn?" said Stantz, still scanning
the file. "My good man, how absurd!"
"How did you know that?" Sidney demanded.
Stantz looked up, smiling faintly. "We do have our sources, my
dear," he said. "Sir Ethelred of Athelstan may think he has the finest espionage
establishment in the human lands, but he is in error."
"You have a spy in the Athelstani Foreign Ministry?" said
Jasper.
Stantz blinked. "Do you expect me to comment?" he asked.
"Take it to Arst-Kara-Morn? Suppose the Dark Lord captures it? Idiotic idea."
"See here," said Timaeus, somewhat angrily, "it's no
concern of yours. It belongs to us; the Lord Mayor has specifically ordered you to
surrender it to us; we demand it. If you don't have it, the least you can do is tell us
who's got it, why, and how we can get it back."
"The Lord Mayor specifically ordered?" said Stantz. "Is
that so, Ren?"
Wolfe cleared her throat. "Yup," she said.
Stantz frowned. "Well, well, well," he said.
"Damn." He wheeled his chair over to one of the speaking tubes, and uncapped it.
"Kant!" he shouted down it. "Are you there?"
He put his ear to the tube and listened briefly, then put his mouth to
it again. "Kant! The statue! Did they pick it up?"
"Did who pick it up?" Sidney demanded, but Stantz shushed her
as he put his ear to the tube again.
"Damn," he said to himself as he listened. "At what
time?" he shouted, then frowned at the response. "Thank you, Kant!"
He moved to another tube, uncapped it, and shouted, "Bleichroder!
Immediate message to the Alcalan frontier! Are you there, dammit, Bleichroder? Yes, good.
Halt all elven travelers. Search possessions for a life-size statue of a human male, cast
of athenor Yes, athenor, dammit, Bleichroder At once! By crystal, of course. Good. Thank
you. "
He wheeled back to his desk. "We'll try to recover it, of
course," he said, "but I suspect it's unlikely"
Everyone started babbling at once. For long minutes, there was
pandemonium. At last, Sidney shouted, "Shut up!"
And miraculously, there was silence.
"To whom did you give it?" Sidney demanded.
"The elves," said Stantz.
"Why?" asked Sidney.
Stantz shrugged. "They asked for it," he said.
Sidney snorted. "If an orc had wandered in off the street and
asked for it, would you have said, `Sure, here it is, my compliments to the Dark
Lord'?"
"No, of course not," said Stantz in irritation. "But why
not give it to the elves?"
"Why should you give it to the elves?" Sidney
demanded.
Stantz spread his hands. "It's a hot potato," he said.
"Look what chaos it's wrought in Hamsterburg; if I kept it, seventy-three discrete
political factions would start plotting to get it away from me. Getting rid of it seemed
like an excellent idea."
"But what do the elves want with it?" asked Timaeus
plaintively.
No one had an answer for that.
After a long silence, Frer Mortise cleared his throat.
"Well," he said, "I've always wanted to visit the elven domains."
"1 haven't," said Jasper nastily.
"Twinkle-toed little snots," snarled Nick.
It was hard, thought the lich as it drove its horse to the limit of
endurance, to know which was the more otiose: the normal, everyday tedium of humdrum
existence, or the occasional bursts of desperate activity continued survival required.
It didn't know why it bothered. Continued survival hardly seemed worth
the bother. The true death would be almost welcome.
Although, it reflected, the terrified horse's hooves pounding
recklessly across some poor peasant's field, smashing sprouting wheat to the earth, the
difficulty with Dark Lords was that they wouldn't let you stay dead. Its own existence was
testimony to that. It was compelled to action not so much by the need to survive as by the
need to avoid spending the next millennium at the bottom of a dungheap, say, or
functioning as a birdfeeder. It had spent three centuries as a birdfeeder once, its skull
affixed to a post and filled with seed, and it still had a strong urge to smash songbirds
into bloody pulp whenever it heard them.
Arst-Kara-Morn was a lot bigger on the stick than the carrot.
Some peasant came running out of a shack, waving a sickle and cursing.
He ran to intercept the lich's horse, whose hooves were pounding the peasant's crop to
mud. The lich pulled back its cowl.
Its skull grinned emptily in the daylight. The peasant's eyes went wide
in fear; he stumbled away from the horse in terror.
It should never, thought the lich, have allowed von Grentz to keep the
statue. How quickly the fool had lost it! And now the elves had it.
It had a chance, albeit a slight one, a chance of getting it away from
them.
And presenting it on a platter to the Dark Lord. That would save its
bacon.
Not that it had any bacon to speak oЈ Or anything in the way of meat,
actually. Meat rots. Bones last a little longer.
Too long by half, it mused glumly.
The horse stumbled, slowed, collapsed to the ground. The lich jumped
lithely from its back, then went to examine the beast.
It was dying, heart burst from its exertion.
Casually, the lich drained the last of its life energy, then went to
look for another creature to run into exhaustion.
The, Um, Intermezzo
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