"Thomas M. Disch - The Shadow" - читать интересную книгу автора (Disch Thomas M)

they kept their charges clean and well-nourished), and she would be
overwhelmed by a sense of abasement that made it impossible to
swallow the food. Tears would run down her heavily rouged cheeks
(Wilbur used his cosmetology training to keep his old ladies
looking nice), and Wilbur would pause in his duties until the fit had
passed and her feeding could resume. Surely, the oblivion of
complete submission to her own shadow would have been
preferred to such nightmare flickers of self-awareness.
As well to wish for death, however. Oblivion is never one of
our options. Half of all Adult Homes would stand empty if one
could just wish away unremitting misery and pain. Africa would be
depopulated, along with all the prisons in Texas.
But who is to say there is no joy in Africa or in the prisons of
Texas? Or none in the life of Angie Sweetwater, at least in her life
as a shadow? She enjoyed good physical health, the attentions of
two devoted admirers, and an uncommonly long life. When she
was dressed for public display and it was her turn to be taken to a
Sunday morning service at United Baptist, everyone agreed that
Angie Sweetwater was the most presentable and best behaved of
any of the visitors from the home. Sometimes just this mite of
respect was all the comfort she required. At other times she would
remember what churches were for and she would fold her hands
and pray for her deliverance.
And you must pray along with her, good people, and hope to
die before the same thing happens to you. For it makes no
difference whether you are rich or poor, a homeless beggar or an
ex-president, like Ronald Reagan. Like Angie, we all have shadows.
Stand in the light and you will see your own.