"Dunne, F P - Mr Dooley on the Pursuit of Riches" - читать интересную книгу автора (Dunne F P)

Chase, ye have to go down ivry day with something undher ye'er ar-rm to th'
great pawnshop. Whin Hogan wants four dollars be takes th' clock down to Moses.
Whin Rockyfellar wants tin millyon, he puts up his peace iv mind or his health
or something akelly valyable. If Hogan wud hock his priceless habit iv sleepin'
late in th' mornin' he wud be able to tell th' time iv day whin be got up
without goin' to tb' corner dhrug store.
"Look at McMullin. He's rowlin' in it. It bulges his pocket an' inflates his
convarsation. Whin he looks at me, I always feel that he's wondhrin' how much
I'd bring at a forced sale. Well, McMullin an' I had th' same start, about forty
yards behind scratch an' Vanderbilt to beat. They always put th' best man in
anny race behind th' line. Befure McMullin gets through he'll pass Vanderbilt,
carry away th' tape on his shorldhers, an' run two or three times around th'
thrack. But me an' him started th' same way. Th' on'y diffrence was that he wud
cash in an' I wudden't. Th' on'y thing I iver ixpicted to get money on was me
dhream iv avarice. I always had that. I cud dhream iv money as hard as anny mam
ye iver see an' can still. But I niver thought iv wurrukin' f'r it. I've always
looked on it as dishon'rable to wurruk f'r money. I wurruk f'r exercise an' I
get what th' lawyers call an honoraryium be dilutin' th' spirits. Th' on'y way I
iver expict to make a cint is to have it left to me be a rich relation, an' I'm
th' pluthycrat iv me fam'ly, or to stub me toe on a gambler's roll or stop a
runaway horse f'r Pierpont Morgan. An' th' horse mustn't be runnin' too fast. He
must be jus' goin' to stop, on'y Morgan don't know it, havin' fainted. Whin he
comes to, he finds me at th' bridle, modestly waitin' f'r him to weep on me
bosom. But as f'r scramblin' down town arly in th' mornin' an' buyin' chattel
morgedges, I niver thought iv it. I get up at siven o'clock. I wudden't get up
at a quarther to siven f'r all th' money I dhream about. I have a lot iv things
ar-round here I cud cash in if I cared f'r money. I have th' priceless gift iv
laziness. It's made me what I am, an' that's th' very first thing ivry rich man
cashes in. Th' millyonaires ye r-read about thryin' to give th' rest iv th'
wurruld a good time be runnin' over thim in autymobills all started with a large
stock iv indolence which they cashed in. Now, whin they cud enjoy it, they can't
buy it back. Thin I have me good health. Ye can always get money on that. An' I
have me frinds; I rayfuse to cash thim in, I don't know that I cud get much on
thim, but if I wanted to be a millyonaire, I'd tuck you an' Hogan an' Donahue
undher me ar-rm an' carry ye down to Mose.
"McMullin did cash. He had no more laziness thin me, but he cashed it in befure
he was twinty-wan. He cashed in his good health, a large stock iv fam'ly ties,
th' affiction if his wife, th' comforts iv home, an' wan frind afther another.
Wanst in a while, late in life, he'd thry to redeem a pledge, but he niver cud.
They wasn't annything in th' wurruld that McMullin wudden't change f'r th'
roly-boly. He cashed in his vote, his pathreetism, his rellijon, his rilitives,
an' fin'lly his hair. Ye heerd about him, didn't ye? He's lost ivry hair on his
head. They ain't a spear iv vigitation left on him. He's as arid as th' desert
iv Sahara. His head looks like an iceberg in th' moonlight. He was in here th'
other day, bewailin' his fate. 'It's a gr-reat misfortune,' says he. 'What did
ye get f'r it?' says I. 'That's th' throuble,' says he. 'Well, don't complain,'
says I. 'Think what ye save in barber's bills,' I says, an' he wint away lookin'
much cheered up.
"No, Hinnissy, you an' I, me frind, was not cut out be Provydence to be
millyionaires. If ye had nawthin' but money, ye'd have nawthin' but money. Ye