"Greg Egan - Worthless (2)" - читать интересную книгу автора (Egan Greg)

 file:///G|/rah/Greg%20Egan/Egan,%20Greg%20-%20Worthless.txt

the ones with so little hope?
Unless in your heart, you knew that you were just like us. Just like me: a
human-shaped object, nothing more. Not to be mistaken for the real thing.
The door opened, and Ben stepped out. I was suddenly very calm. He didn't look
threatening, or unapproachable. I'd been afraid that he might be impossibly --
unattainably -- handsome; he wasn't. I knew I could talk to him. Maybe it was my
imagination, but I would have sworn that I could make out the faint scar on the
back of his neck, proof that I'd come to the right place, proof that I'd found
the right person.
He didn't look at me as he approached; he stared at the ground, just as I would
have done. Desperate for guidance, I imagined myself in his place, imagined a
friendly stranger trying to strike up a conversation. Then the fog cleared from
my brain, and I knew exactly what I'd feel: suspicion, then disbelief ... and
then sheer panic. At the first sign of the threat of human contact, I'd recoil.
I'd flee.
I kept silent. He walked past me, down the stairs.



I found an unvandalised phone booth, took the black box from my suitcase, and
plugged it in. It came alive at once, red lights flashing, dragging the overdue
data out of my head in one long, silent scream.
Afterwards, I walked aimlessly, until I stumbled across a small caf├й. There were
no other customers; I sat there sipping coffee, staring at the jukebox in the
corner. It was playing an ad for Pepsi, or the latest song from Radical Doubt; I
couldn't tell which.
I put a coin in the slot, and then knelt beside the machine -- so close that the
image on the screen became nothing but a blur of coloured light.
And you sang:
Dry your eyes
Don't be sad
You're worthless
Your tears mean nothing at all
If you live and you die
In a dream, in a lie
Who will ever be the wiser?
Close your eyes
Don't be sad
You're worthless
Your pain means nothing at all
Unseen and unknown
Alive but alone
Why end a life
That's no life at all?



You were right, of course. And I swallowed no pills; instead, I bought myself a