"James Alan Gardner - League of Peoples 01 - Expendable" - читать интересную книгу автора (Gardner James Alan)

Staring at the asbestos white of my ceiling, I thought about the first admiral I had met, Admiral Seele.
She was not the first admiral I had seen in personтАФmore than a dozen admirals attended graduation
exercises for my class at the Academy. The Admiralty always made a show of being interested in
Explorers. The school administrators even said the admirals would be available afterwards to shake
hands and make small talk.

I don't know if any of the class took advantage of the opportunity. I didn't.

Admiral Seele arrived on theJacaranda in my first year with the ship. No one could say why she had
come. She inspected the engine room, but made no comments or suggestions. She spent an hour alone
with every officer, but reportedly spoke only of trivialities and glanced frequently at her watch. She
passed one entire day secluded in her cabin, supposedly examining our ship's log on the computer... but
when I walked by her door late in the afternoon, I heard her singing a bawdy song I recognized from
Academy days. I hurried on, though I had intended to knock.

The admiral spent most of her time with me. It made me uncomfortable, even as I told myself I had
nothing to fear. Mostly, we talked about the Academy and my missions. I had made only two Landings
at the time, neither one eventful, but she seemed interested. Her questions showed she knew what was
important to an Explorer... unlike most Vacuum-oriented officers, who had no idea what to pay attention
to when they had solid ground under their feet. I guessed that part of being an admiral was knowing more
than the rest of the pack.

On the last night of her stay, she asked how well I got on with the crew. Were they cooperative? I said I
had no complaints. Did I have many friends? No. Any lovers? No. Was I lonely? No, I filled my time.
Did I never want to reach out to another human being? No, I was fine.
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She started to cry then. She tried to take hold of my hand, but I drew back quickly. She said I mustn't
close myself to the world; I would be miserable if I didn't let other people into my life.

I walked out of the room without waiting to be dismissed.

The next morning, Admiral Seele left us at Starbase Iris. As she left, she saluted the captain and first
officer, but shook my hand. She looked like she wanted to kiss me. Perhaps she couldn't decide where:
on my lips, on my good cheek, or on my bad one.

I concluded then that my first admiral was a maladjusted woman who yearned for me. The Academy
had taught us about people who are drawn to Explorers by our ugliness. The attraction has something to
do with self-hatred.




Self-Care