"Mel Gilden - Zoot Marlow 2 - Hawaiian UFO Aliens" - читать интересную книгу автора (Gilden Mel)

Sam Spade was an aggro dude, just like Marlowe, but without quite such an emphasis on the smart
mouth. Spade was good, but the smart mouth appealed to me, too. I thought I'd stick with Philip
Marlowe for a while yet.
After a week of thinking like that, Spade and Marlowe were having conversations right there aboard
the sneeve. They both looked like Humphrey Bogart, and I had trouble telling them apart. Evidently, so
did they. In my dreams, they traded quips with each other. I couldn't think of a thing to say, and I woke
up sweating.
My family never expected to see me again, and my arrival on T'toom caused quite a stir. Grampa
Zamp rubbed my nose raw with congratulations, and I would have avoided him if I'd liked him less.
I hadn't realized how settled I'd gotten on Earth until I saw the slick, wet-looking buildings oozing out
of the soil of T'toom and thought how much they looked like fruit-flavoured slugs. Another thing I was
not used to was being the same size as everybody else. There was not a pug nose on the planet, I didn't
know whether to be relieved or threatened.
Way back when, Dad had been against my going to Earth, but now he threw me a big Welcome
Home party. I hoped T'toom Gravitational Products was doing OK, because just re-oozing the house for
the event must have set him back plenty.
 The day after, I knew the party was really over when I walked into the dining room and saw the
family assembled. Dad was at one end of the table, and Mum at the other. Grampa Zamp sat between
them, filled with so much curiosity I could almost see it frothing out of him. Their noses were quivering,
meaning my family was ready for anything.
'We're not at a party now,' Dad said. 'Tell us what Earth is really like.'
Terrific. I like Earth, despite its obvious defects. Maybe I liked it because of its defects. But generally
it was a pretty nice place. Kate Smith used to sing that it had purple mountains' majesty, fruited planes,
that sort of thing. If I told anybody on T'toom the truth, entire families would be sneeving over there on
vacation. Even if they didn't land. UFO sightings would be a nightly event.
So I made up such a story, my face is still red, or would be if I knew how to blush. According to me,
Earth was a snake pit, a dark, dismal place full of cold rocks and hot-blooded creatures that would
gobble you down in unexpected, unpleasant ways.
'You were there for a long time,' Dad said.
'I wanted to make sure,' I said.
Mum and Dad nodded, but Grampa Zamp looked as surprised and unhappy as if I'd dumped
slaberingeo spine fixer over him.
'Besides,' I said, 'I wanted to stay long enough to bring back my cargo.' I pulled a plastic leather-look
bag from a pocket and poured a pile of small brown pellets on the table. Nobody moved. Grampa Zamp
had the wit to ask me what they were.
'Chocolate-covered coffee beans.'
'What does that mean?' Dad said.
'Try one.'
The only one who moved was Grampa Zamp. As he picked one up, I said, 'Suck on it. The outside is
soft and will melt. The inside is hard and brittle and will take some chewing.'
Grampa Zamp put the bean into his mouth, and his face lit up like Dodger Stadium at night. After that,
the beans went pretty fast.
'You got these on Earth?' Dad said.
I nodded. 'The storeroom on my sneeve is full of them. I figured you could sell them by the pound and
make back the money I owe you.' Dad got a faraway look on his face as he began to think about the
possibilities.
'Earth?' said Mum. 'Terrible old Earth?'
I put my hand on Mum's and said, 'Once you've tasted chocolate-covered coffee beans, you've
experienced the best Earth has to offer. Trust me.'
I had been told that in Hollywood. "Trust me," means "Knickers to you." But nobody on T'toom