"Harry Harrison & Robert Sheckley - Bill the Galactic Hero 3 " - читать интересную книгу автора (Harrison Harry)

sack of the Main Base after the attack."
A cigar in one hand, a glass of cognac in the other, and a smirking grin on his face, Bill wasn't prepared
for the next question.
"Tell me, Bill," a foxy-faced major with the crossed question-mark flashings of Intelligence Directorate 2
on his shoulders, "what do you think about the Tsurisian situation?"
"Does it have anything to do with the medical services here?" Bill asked. "If so, I have a complaint."
"My dear fellow," the foxy-faced major said. "Haven't you been briefed yet on the planet Tsuris?"
"I've only been here three days, sir," Bill said, gurgling deeply of the drink to drown his suspicions of all
this officerial kindness. Deep down he knew it wasn't natural. Even deeper down he wanted to get blind
drunk on the good booze.
"And what have you been doing in your time here?"
"Growing a new foot, mostly," Bill said. "That's what I want to ask тАФ"
"Time for that later," the major said. "Tsuris is a planet not too far from here. It is sometimes referred to
as the Mystery Planet."
"Oh, sure, I've heard of it," Bill said dimly through the growing alcoholic fog. "That's the place which
broadcasts the weird radio messages, isn't it?"
The major explained that the military base on Shyster had been given the job of clearing out Tsuris, a
nearby planet of considerable mystery. Literally nothing was known about this planet. No decent
photographs had ever been taken through the heavy cloud layer. There were breaks in the clouds, and the
planet seemed to get plenty of sunshine, but when the military snoop ships maneuvered to take pictures
through an opening, it always closed before they could get lined up.
"That's weird," Bill said. "Almost like someone is directing it, huh?"
"Exactly. Have another drink," the major said. "As you've mentioned, radio messages seem to emanate
from Tsuris, but they never make sense. But the worst of it is, ships even traveling in the vicinity of
Tsuris have been known to vanish, only to appear again millions of miles away with no explanation as to
how they got there."
"Sounds like a good place to steer clear of," Bill said with alcoholic sincerity, nodding and drinking at the
same time. Which didn't work too well.
"Ah, if only we could," the major said. "But we can't, of course. We are the military. We go where we
please."
"Hear, hear!" cried the other officers, hastily tossing down their drinks.
"And anyhow," the major said, "if something on Tsuris can deflect a ship millions of miles off its course,
that's a force that would be of considerable importance to us. We need to know how it works, and if the
Tsurisians or whoever lives down there intend to use it against us."
"If so," the white-haired colonel pointed out, "we've got to kick the crap out of them Tsurisians before
they get a chance to do it to us."


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 Bill, the Galactic Hero on the Planet of Bottled Brains

"Maybe it would be safer," a captain of Shock Troopers said, "to kick the crap out of them even if they
don't have any bad intentions."
"Hear, hear!" the other officers chanted.
They all looked at Bill, waiting for him to say something. Bill tried to look intelligent, even though he
was feeling very dim. "Have you tried putting a scout ship on the planet? That way you could look
around and things."
The major concealed his disgust with a fake smile. "Many times, my dear trooper," he said. "As you
might very well imagine, they never come back, never report."
"That's not so good," Bill bubbled alcoholically. Then he was seized by bloodthirsty ambitions. "Why not