"To Sail Beyond the Sunset - Robert Heinlein" - читать интересную книгу автора (Heinlein Robert A)

A bodyless voice said, `Madam, may we offer you breakfast? We are proud of our Harvest Brunch: a lavish bowl of assorted fresh fruits; a tray of cheeses; a basket of freshly baked hot breads, crisp breads, and soft breads with jams and jellies and syrups and Belgian butter. Basted baby barlops en brochette; drawn eggs Octavian; smoked savannah slinker; farkels in sweetsour; Bavarian strudel; your choice of still and sparkling wines, skullbuster Strine beer, Mocha, Kona, Turkish and Proxima coffees~ blended or straight; all served with -'

I repressed a gagging reflex. 'I don't want breakfast!'

`Perhaps Madam would enjoy our Holiday Eyeopener: your choice of fruit juice, a roll hot from our oven, your choice of gourmet jams or jellies, your choice in a filling but non-fattening hot cup. Served with the latest news, or background music, or restful silence.'

'I don't want to eat!'

The voice answered thoughtfully, `Madam, I am a machine programmed for our food and beverage services. May I switch you to another programme? Housekeeping? Head porter? Engineering?'

'Get me the manager!'

There was a short delay. 'Guest services! Hospitality with a smile! How may I help you?'

'Get me the manager!'

'Do you have a problem?'

`You're the problem! Are you a man, or a machine?'

Is that relevant? Please tell me how I can help you.'

'If you are not the manager, you can't. Do you run on testicles? Or electrons?'

'Madam, I am a machine but a very flexible one. My memories include all curricula of Procrustes Institute of Hotelier Science, including all case studies updated to midnight yesterday. If you will be so good as to state your problem, I will match it at once with a precedent case and show how it was solved to the satisfaction of the guest. Please?'

'If you don't put me through to the manager in nothing flat, I guarantee that the manager will take an axe to your rusty gizzard and install a Burroughs-Libby analogue brain in your place. Who shaved the barber? What do your case studies say about that? Moron.'

This time I got a female voice. 'Manager's office. How may I help you?'

'You can take this dead man out of my bed!'

Short pause. 'Housekeeping, Hester speaking. How may we help you?'

'There's a dead man in my bed. I don't like it. Untidy:

Another pause. 'Caesar Augustus Escort Service, serving all tastes. Do I understand that one of our gentleman companions died in your bed?'

'I don't know who he is; I just know that he's dead. Who takes care of such things? Room service? Garbage removal? House physician? And I want the sheets changed, too.'

This time they gave me background music while I waited... and waited - through the first two operas of the Ring Cyde and well into the third.

'Accounting and bookkeeping, our Mister Munster speaking. That room was not rented for double occupancy. There will be an additional -'

'Look, buster, it's a corpse. I don't think a corpse counts toward "double occupancy". Blood is dripping off the bed and on to your rug. If you don't get somebody up here right away, that rug will be ruined.'

'There will be a charge for damage to the rug. That is more than normal wear and tear.'

'Grrr!'