"01 - Malice In Maggody" - читать интересную книгу автора (Hess Joan)

Estelle bobbled her head. "Sure you could, Arly. I'd be real pleased to do your hair for free. Maybe even frost it with a burnt gold rinse, then--"

"Thank you, but no thank you," I interrupted. "I'm fond of my hair as is, and I have no desire to attend the bimonthly festivities at the Kingsнley high-school gymnasium. I would be fifteen years older than ninety-nine percent of those in attendance, and sixty years younger than the remaining one percent."

Ruby Bee began to pout. "You used to go every time."

"I used to be in high school, and that was all there was to do. I am now thirty-four years old, divorced, and the chief of police. The kids are probably still sneaking out back to drink corn liquor out of mason jars and throw up on each other. It wouldn't look good for me to attend. You don't want me to lose my job, do you?"

"That would be just awful," trilled a voice from behind us. Jaylee Withers ambled into the room, her generous hips moving to an inaudible rumba and her well-endowed chest bouncing along with the beat. Her blond hair had reнcently been exposed to Estelle's artistic whimsy, for it was piled higher than a run-of-the-mill beehive; it literally soared a good twelve inches. I was surprised she wasn't trailed by a homeнless swarm.

"We were talking about the dance in Kingsнley," Ruby Bee announced, giving me a dark look. "I was telling Ariel here that she ought to get out and have herself a good time, but she thinks she's too old and respectable to listen to me."

Ruby Bee drives me crazy.

Jaylee nodded with all the wisdom of a twenty-two-year-нold married woman currently employed as a barmaid. "She's right, Arly. if you stay home, you're gonna get all sour and dried out, like Raz's oldest girl. Then no man will have you and you'll spend the rest of your life in Maggody, dreaming about fancy cars and fur coats."

"Raz's oldest girl is sixty-seven years old if she's a day," I pointed out. "Furthermore, I've already had fancy cars and fur coats. I never could find a place to park, and my nose itched every time I even opened the closet door."

Jaylee was too busy winking at Ruby Bee and Estelle to be swayed by my logic. "You know, Arly, I'd be charmed to do something with your hair, free of charge. I need the practice for when I attend cosmetology school, hopefully as soon as next month, if I pass the GED this time. Estelle's been teaching me and I could do a right nice French roll for you. You could come by my mobile home tomorrow and I could give you a permanent, then I could--"

"Sorry, I'm on a case," I said. The pork chop was too cold to bother with, anyway. "An investigation into a kidnapping that could have profound influence on the deer season--although it's strictly under wraps for the time being. I'd better get back to it."

I left Ruby Bee's, knowing full well that I hadn't fooled any of them. I could almost hear them dissecting poor Arly's situation--so tragic, you know. The way she drags around she ain't ever going to catch another man. You'd think she'd have enough sense to forget that man in Noow Yark and settle down with someone who could give her a houseful of kids and an automatic dishwasher, a night at the picture show once a month and a lifetime subscription to Better Homes and Gardens.

I climbed into the police car, slammed the door, and snatched up the mike on the police band radio. "Chief of Police Hanks has returned to active duty. Ten-four, seven-eleven, and Bingo!"

Estelle and Jaylee drive me crazy, too.



Paulie Buchanon was sitting in his cruiser in the shade next to Roy Stiver's Antiques and Collectibles: Buy, Trade or Sell. I pulled up next to him and rolled down my window. "What the hell are you doing, Officer Buchanon? Unless there's been a change in the roster, you don't come on duty until six o'clock tonight. Since I make up the roster, which hasn't varied in eight months, I have some doubts."

Paulie Buchanon did not deserve my testiness, which he knew as well as I. He gave me a wounded look and said, "I was just keeping an eye on the signal light, Chief. Jim Bob cussed me out for not writing more tickets last month and acted like he was going to fire me."

"His Honor can't do that without consulting me first," I said, turning my glare on the Kwik-Screw across the street. "He'd have to call a special meeting of the town council, and they'd have to vote on it, anyway. Did you catch anybody running the light?"

Paulie held up a book. "No, actually I was studying the state police manual."

"Did you hear from them?" I asked sympathetically, forgetting my feud with His Honor the Moron. "A result from the test?"

"No, but it'll be any day. They're processing my exams and interviews now, and said they'd let me know by the end of the month." Paulie's eyes glazed over as he considered his future as a state policeman, and even the skin on the top of his head seemed rosy under the sparse black hair. "Do you think I ought to get me a pair of those mirror sunglasses, Chief ?"

"Wait to be accepted at the academy," I advised him, determined not to giggle. Paulie's terribly sincere, especially when the topic centers on the academy. "Why don't you go study at the PD while I nab perpetrators at the signal light? I was thinking about it earlier, and it'll help me burn off a little frustration."

Paulie grinned at me, having seen me drive away from Ruby Bee's at a velocity above that permitted within the confines of Maggody. "Sure, Chief. Holler if you get bored and I'll take over for you."

He left, an I backed around to park in the shade. Another thrilling afternoon in Maggody, where nothing has happened since Hiram Buchanon's barn burned down eleven years ago and a cheerleader got caught running out of it, smoldering pink panties in hand.