"Nina Kiriki Hoffman - For Richer" - читать интересную книгу автора (Hoffman Nina Kiriki)

protect myself."

He sat on the edge of the waterbed, his elbows on his knees, hands dangling.
Even his clothes looked defeated.

"Look," I said, "for a while I didn't understand what was happening. It
started
out seeming like such a great fairytale marriage. Then things changed. You
started getting weirder and meaner in bed and around the house. It happened so
slowly I didn't really notice, until one morning I woke up and thought, where
was I four years ago? I wouldn't have let any of these things be done to me.
If
someone used me the way you did, I would have drugged his wine and beaten him
up, then left him in the middle of a park without any clothes on. When did I
stop being that person who was strong enough to take care of herself?" I let
the
nightgown slip from my fingers to the floor. "You kept saying if I loved you,
I'd give you another chance. If I loved you, I'd be understanding about a few
personal quirks that only happened sometimes. If I was really a good woman . .
.
if I really knew what love meant . . . if you could only beat some sense into
my
head . . . ."

He sat on the edge of the waterbed and looked up at me. "All those ifs?"

"Always ifs."

"If I promise to try not to if at you anymore, will you let me take you out to
dinner?"

"No strings?"

He sat up. He grinned at me. "Dinner. That's all."

He was perfect at dinner. He's been perfect for the week since. I am terrified
that I will learn to trust him. The only thing I've found worth trusting in
this
life is that nobody is trustworthy. Every time I forget that, I get hurt.

But he's so good now. If he is worth trusting I would hate to miss the
opportunity.
Sometimes I wish I could turn off my head.