"Franz_Kafka_-_Diaries_1912" - читать интересную книгу автора (Kafka Franz)

9 July. Nothing written for so long. Begin tomorrow. Otherwise I shall again get into a prolonged, irresistible dissatisfaction; I am really in it already. The nervous
states are beginning. But if I can do something, then I can do it without superstitious precautions.


The invention of the devil. If we are possessed by the devil, it cannot be by one, for then we should live, at least here on earth, quietly, as with God, in unity, without
contradiction, without reflection, always sure of the man behind us. His face would not frighten us, for as diabolical beings we would, if somewhat sensitive to the sight,
be clever enough to prefer to sacrifice a hand in order to keep his face covered with it. If we were possessed by only a single devil, one who had a calm, untroubled
view of our whole nature, and freedom to dispose of us at any moment, then that devil would also have enough power to hold us for the length of a human life high
above the spirit of God in us, and even to swing us to and fro, so that we should never get to see a glimmer of it and therefore should not be troubled from that quarter.
Only a crowd of devils could account for our earthly misfortunes. Why don't they exterminate one another until only a single one is left, or why don't they subordinate
themselves to one great devil? Either way would be in accord with the diabolical principle of deceiving us as completely as possible. With unity lacking, of what use is
the scrupulous attention all the devils pay us? It simply goes without saying that the fading of a human hair must matter more to the devil than to God, since the devil
really loses that hair and God does not. But we still do not arrive at any state of well-being so long as the many devils are within us.



7 August. Long torment. Finally wrote to Max that I cannot clear up the little pieces that still remain, do not want to force myself to it, and therefore will not publish the
book [KafkaТs first book, Meditation, which Brod pestered him to put out].



8 August. Completed УConfidence TricksterФ more or less satisfactorily. With the last strength of a normal state of mind. Twelve o'clock, how will I be able to sleep?



9 August. The upset night. Yesterday the maid who said to the little boy on the steps, УHold on to my skirt!Ф


My inspired reading aloud of Der arme Spielmann. The perception in this story of what is manly in Grillparzer. The way he can risk everything and risks nothing,
because there is nothing but truth in him already, a truth that even in the face of the contradictory impressions of the moment will justify itself as such when the crucial
time arrives. The calm self-possession. The slow pace that neglects nothing. The immediate readiness, when it is needed, not sooner, for long in advance he sees
everything that is coming.



10 August. Wrote nothing. Was in the factory and breathed gas in the engine room for two hours. The energy of the foreman and the stoker before the engine, which
for some undiscoverable reason will not start. Miserable factory.



11 August. Nothing, nothing. How much time the publishing of the little book takes from me and how much harmful, ridiculous pride comes from reading old things with
an eye to publication. Only that keeps me from writing. And yet in reality I have achieved nothing, the disturbance is the best proof of it. In any event, now, after the
publication of the book, I will have to stay away from magazines and reviews even more than before, if I do not wish to be content with just sticking the tips of my
fingers into the truth. How immovable I have become! Formerly, if I said only one word that opposed the direction of the moment, I at once flew over to the other side,
now I simply look at myself and remain as I am.