"James Patrick Kelly - The Leila Torn Show" - читать интересную книгу автора (Kelly James Patrick)

trenchcoat and leave. Only he'd get the wrong coat, one belonging to a corrupt, wacky aide to a
Congresswoman. The Congresswoman would also be played by Margo Rain. The wacky, corrupt aide
intended to sell documents to the tabloid press proving that the Congresswoman had had an illegal
personality boost. The talent with the clean teeth would eventually turn those papers over to Leila.

Or rather, the new Leila.

"Sure, I've put on a few pounds since the show started--I don't deny it. Hey, I've got the only car in town
with stretch marks." Slappy clapped his hands to his paunch and bugged out his eyes hopefully, but the
studio stayed as quiet as a snowfall.

The aide would then be poisoned and the Congresswoman would be accused of the murder, which
would make this a case for Leila's law firm. Slappy currently worked as her chauffeur, although in the first
few seasons, when he had been younger and slimmer, he had been her sidekick. He was always
campaigning for more to do in the crime segments. Sometimes he got to cover the back entrance when
Leila kicked in the front door of the murderer's house. Mostly he just got the plot explained to him.

"And when I get home, it's the same. My wife says that I'm as useless as rubber lips on a woodpecker."
Slappy's wife had been killed in Season Seven, although as far as The Leila Torn Show knew, he might
have remarried in dreamspace. He clapped a hand over his eyes, waited a beat and then spread his
fingers and peeked shyly through at the studio audience. She could barely stand to watch her oldest
talent, now the sole survivor from the original cast, demean himself this way. But there wasn't much else
he could do for her these days.

In next week's fantasy segment, Lucifer would stop the action as usual, just as the jury was about to
return its verdict. The ceepees hadn't yet worked out what deal the devil would offer the
Congresswoman for an acquittal. Cass was pitching a commitment to lower the voting age to thirteen, so
they could cameo one of those teens from RockZombie High that everyone was talking about. Graves
was holding out for a yes vote on equal rights for dogs; then they could cross-promote with the ongoing
puppynappy series on The Daily Now.

Slappy gave up on the studio audience. He smeared a grin onto his round face and gave them a broad
over-the-head wave. "Well, I'm glad you decided to stay, because we have another great show for you
coming right up. Our guest tonight is Kent Turnabout from Candy Asteroid." Slappy nodded, waiting for
the sleepy applause to die down. "I know you're really going to like this episode, folks, because I'm
hardly in it at all."

Some lackwit in the back row gave him two sarcastic claps.

"Thanks, Mom." Slappy turned to the band. "How about a little vanishing music, Chill?" The band struck
up "Turn Left on Lonely Street" and Slappy trotted into the wings.

The assistant whip, Herb Katz, gave him a sympathetic pat on the back. "Tough crowd tonight."

"I've seen happier gravestones." He pulled off his tie. "You make any decisions about the dentist skit next
week?" He started to unbutton his shirt.

The Leila Torn Show decided it would be a kindness to break the bad news to Slappy then and there.
"I think we're going to give it to Jay," said Herb. "He's a good fit, don't you think?" J. Timson Traylor was
Leila's landlord, a know-it-all and a bit of a prig. "He can play grouchy in the waiting room scene and