"R. A. Lafferty - Stories 1" - читать интересную книгу автора (Lafferty R A)

 Vincent could paint the eyeglasses of a man dark green, and this
would somehow alter the man's whole personality. He'd gulp and wave his arms
and develop new mannerisms. Or as a victim took the first puff of a
cigarette Vincent would take it from his mouth, smoke it quick1y down to the
hot nub, and replace it.
He would take food off forks on the way to mouths, put baby turtles
and live fish into bowls of soup between spoonfuls of the eater. And, as a
cook cracked an egg over the griddle, he would scoop up the soft contents in
mid-air and set down a full-grown quacking duck to the discomfort of both
cook and bird.
He would lash the hands of hand-shakers tightly together with stout
cord, and tie together the shoe laces of dancing partners. Or he would
remove the strings of guitars while they were being played, or steal the
mouthpiece of a horn while the operator paused for breath. He unzippered
persons of both sexes when they were at their most pompous, and it was on
his account (probably) that Feldman was not elected mayor. This was
something that happened on the public platform, and Feldman was completely
undone.
This thing can remain a pleasant novelty for some time. There was,
of course, the difficulty of moving large objects. Vincent always wanted to
intrude a horse into the midst of a certain assembly. But a horse is too
large to he moved in an accelerated time. Vincent drew out the diagram that
the faceless man had given him, and presented it to the only horse he knew.
But the horse did not get the idea. It would not go into the accelerated
state.
"I will either have to find a smarter horse or a new method of
moving heavy objects," said Charles Vincent.
Vincent would sometimes handcuff two strangers together as they
stood waiting for a traffic light to change. He would lash leaners to lamp
posts, and steal the teeth from the mouths of those afflicted with dentures.
He would write cryptic and frightening messages in grease pencil on
a plate just as a diner began to fill it. He changed cards from one player's
hands to another's while play was in progress, and he interfered perversely
with billiard balls.
He removed golf balls from tees during the back swing, and left
notes written large "YOU MISSED ME" pinned to the ground with the tee.
He stole baseballs from catchers' mitts at the instant if impact,
and left instead small unfledged live sparrows. It was found that there is
nothing in the rule book to cover this.
Or he shaved moustaches and heads. Returning repeatedly to one woman
he disliked, he clipped her bald and gilded her pate.
With tellers counting their money he interfered outrageously and
enriched himself. He snipped cigarettes in two with a scissors and blew out
matches and lighters, so that one frustrated man actually broke down and
cried at his inability to get a light.
He removed the weapons from the holsters of policemen and put cap
pistols and water guns in their places. And he liked to rip off one sleeve
only from the coat of a walking gentleman. There is something funnier about
one sleeve missing than two.
He unclipped the leashes of dogs and substituted little toy dogs