"Lem - Automathew's Friend" - читать интересную книгу автора (Lem Stanislaw)

do not exist in death. By the same token, if you use your mind and
ponder well what I am telling you, you will realize that in not
being everywhere, that is, in all those fascinating places, you are
nearly nowhere at all. For there are, as I said, millions upon
millions of places to be, while you are able to experience this one
place only, an uninteresting place, unpleasant even, in its
monotony, bah--repulsive, this little island here of rocks. Now
between 'everywhere' and 'nearly nowhere' the difference is enormous
and it constitutes your normal lot in life, for you always have been
in only one, single, solitary place at a given time. On the other
hand between 'nearly nowhere' and 'nowhere' the difference is, quite
honestly, microscopic. And so the mathematics of sensations proves
that even now you can barely be considered alive, for your absence
is everywhere, like one departed! That is the first thing.
"Secondly: gaze upon this sand mixed with gravel, which digs into
your tender feet--do you consider it invaluable? Assuredly not.
Behold this great quantity of salt water, its revolting
abundance--is it of use to you? Hardly! Here are some rocks and
there, above you, a broiling sky that dries up the joints in your
limbs. Do you need this unendurable heat, these lifeless, burning
boulders? Of course you don't! And therefore you have absolutely no
need of all the things surrounding you, of that on which you stand,
of that which spreads above you from horizon to horizon. What will
remain, if one takes this away? A little hum in the head, a pressure
in the temples, a pounding in the chest, some trembling at the
knees, and other such chaotic agitations. Do you need, in turn, this
hum, pressure, pounding and trembling? Not one whit, dear
Automatthew! And if this also is relinquished, what then remains? A
few racing thoughts, those expressions--very like curses--which in
your heart you are hurling at me now, your own friend, and in
addition to this a choking anger and a sickening fear. Do you
need--I ask you finally--this wretched terror and this futile rage?
Obviously you can do without them. If then we take away those
useless feelings as well, what is left is nothing, nothing, I tell
you, zero, and it is precisely this zero, this state of infinite
patience, unbroken silence and perfect peace, that I wish for you,
as your true friend, to have!"
"But I want to live!" howled Automatthew. "To live! To live!! Do you
hear me?!"
"Ah, we are speaking now not of what you experience, but of what you
desire," answered Alfred calmly. "You wish to live, in other words
to possess a future which will become your present, for this--after
all--is what living amounts to. There is nothing more to it than
that. But live you will not, for you cannot, as we already
determined. The only question then is in what manner you will cease
to live--whether in protracted agony or, instead, easily, when with
one quick gulp of water..."
"Enough! No more! Go away! Get out!!" screamed Automatthew with all
his might, jumping up and down with his fists clenched.
"Now what is this?" returned Alfred. "Putting aside for the moment