"Stanislaw Lem - Ijon Tichy 02 - Memoirs of a Space Traveler" - читать интересную книгу автора (Lem Stanislaw)

Evolution, as we know, is either the wholesale devouring of the weaker by the stronger
(zoocide), or the conspiracy of the weaker, who attack the stronger from within (parasitism). Only green
plants are moral, living as they do at their own expense, on solar energy. I therefore provided for the
chlorophyllization of all living things; in particular, I devised the Foliated Man. Since this meant the
stomach had to go, I transferred to its location a suitably enlarged nerve center. I did not do all this
directly, of course, having at my disposal only one electron. I simply established, in cooperation with the
professor, that the fundamental law of evolution in the new, debt-free Universe would be the rule of
decent behavior of every life form toward every other. I also designed a much more aesthetic body, a
more refined sexuality, and numerous other improvements I will not even mention, for my heart bleeds at
the recollection of them. Suffice it to say that by the end of September we had completed the
World-creating Cannon and its electron bullet. There were still some highly complicated calculations to
make; these were done by the professor and his assistants, because aiming for a target in time (or, in this
case, before time) was an operation requiring the utmost precision.
I should have stayed on the premises and watched over everything, in view of my tremendous
responsibility. But no, I wanted to unwind. . . and went to a small resort. Actually -- to tell the truth -- I
was all swollen with mosquito bites, and that was why I longed for a dip in the cool ocean. If it hadn't
been for those damned mosquitoes. . . But I'm not going to put the blame on anything or anyone: it was
all my fault. Just before I left, I had a quarrel with one of the professor's colleagues, a certain Aloysius
Bunch. Actually, he was not even a colleague, only a lab assistant, but a fellow countryman of Razglaz's.
This individual, whose job it was to monitor the equipment, demanded -- out of the blue -- that he be
included in the list of Creators. Because -- he said -- if it weren't for him, the cryotron wouldn't work,
and if the cryotron didn't work, the electron wouldn't act properly. . . etc. I laughed at him, naturally, and
he appeared to back down, but actually the man began to make his own plans in secret. He could do
nothing intelligent himself, but he formed a conspiracy with two acquaintances, types who hung around
the Nuclear Research Institute in Bombay in hopes of finding a sinecure. They were the German Ast A.
Roth and the American Lou Cipher.
As was shown by the inquiry conducted after the event, Bunch let them into the lab at night, and
the rest was owing to the carelessness of Professor Razglaz's junior assistant, a doctoral candidate
named Sarpint. Sarpint had left the keys to the safe on a desk, which made the intruders' task all the
easier. He later pleaded illness and presented medical evidence, but the whole institute knew that the jerk
was involved with a certain married woman, one Eve Addams, and was so busy groveling at her feet that
he neglected his official duties. Bunch led his accomplices to the cryotron; they removed the Dewar
vessel from the cryotron, extracted from the vessel the box containing the priceless bullet, and made their
infamous parametric "adjustments," the results of which anyone can see. All you have to do is look
around you. Afterward they pleaded, each upstaging the others, that they had had the "best intentions,"
and had also hoped for glory (!!), especially since there were three of them.
A fine Trinity! As they admitted under the weight of evidence and under the fire of
cross-examination, they had divided up the work. Herr Roth, a former student at Gottingen (but
Heisenberg himself had booted him out for putting pornographic pictures in the Aston Spectograph),
handled the physical side of Creation and made a royal mess of it. It is because of him that the so-called
weak interactions do not correspond to the strong, and that the symmetry of the laws of conservation is
imperfect. Any physicist will immediately know what I mean. This same Roth, who made a mistake in
simple addition, is responsible for the fact that the electron charge, when it is calculated now, gains an
infinite value. It is also thanks to this blockhead that one cannot find quarks anywhere, although in theory
they exist! The ignoramus forgot to make a correction in the dispersion formula! He also deserves
"credit" for the fact that interfering electrons blatantly contradict logic. And to think that the dilemma over
which Heisenberg racked his brains his whole life long was caused by his worst and dullest student!
But he committed a far more serious crime. My Creation Plan provided for nuclear reactions, for
without them there would be no radiant energy of stars, but I eliminated the elements of the uranium
group, so that mankind would be unable to produce atom bombs in the mid-twentieth century -- that is,