"Karawynn Long - Adjusting the Moon" - читать интересную книгу автора (Long Karawynn)

"Take what chance? That we might be happy?"
"No. I just don't want to fall in love with someone and then have to
leave them just a few weeks later."
"So whatever's between us, better just to kill it now, before it can
become even more of an inconvenience, is that it?"
"If you want to look at it like that, yeah." They were both sitting up
now, glaring at each other in the darkness. Despair tinged her anger; this
wasn't how it was supposed to go. Without meaning to, she started to cry.
"I'm sorry, Mel," he said then, but without touching her. "Look, I'm
just afraid that if we keep seeing each other, I'll become so involved that
when it comes time to leave, I won't be able to."
She laughed bitterly. "Would it help if I promised to kick you out?"
"No. It's something I have to do for myself. It's easy for you," he
said. "You've always known where you were going, what you wanted to do. But
I just found out. And I can't give that up, even to be with you."
"I never asked you to," she retorted. "I was under the impression that
you were here voluntarily." Then she turned away, hearing his response even
before he said it.
"I was," he insisted, the past tense falling like a death blow.
After that she lay there for a long time, perversely wide awake. She
kept hoping that he would reach out to her -- say he'd made a mistake, or even
just hold her -- but he made no move. Eventually the sound of his breathing
told her he'd gone to sleep.
#
She turned and reached for him instinctively, and then realized this
wasn't her bedroom. She raised a hand to her face and saw the thin black
glove and the wires trailing down from it. A tech was nearby, holding her
headgear. He smiled at her; it was the same one who'd brought her coffee --
just yesterday, she realized.
"It pops you out automatically if you go to sleep," he explained. "I
can put you back, if you want -- I know it was kind of abrupt, pulling you out
like that, but with your eyes closed you couldn't see the little warning light
anyway." He tapped the side of his face near his temple.
She shook her head, still disoriented. So it hadn't happened, after
all; it was part of the simulation. But it didn't really matter. Nothing had
changed, and she would still have to go back to an empty apartment.
As she dressed, Melanie kept thinking that he'd said he loved her --
twice he'd said it, and that had to mean there was a chance. She'd come back
tomorrow night and do it again. All she had to do was convince him that they
wouldn't be moving apart, and there would be no problem. Everything would be
fine.
#
This time she started all the way back with their conversation in the
living room. When he talked about Chicago, she asked questions about the city
and tried to sound interested, though not blatantly so -- rather as if she
were intrigued in spite of herself. When A&M was mentioned, she merely
shrugged. "I'm starting to think maybe that's not really the place for me,"
she said, and changed the subject.
They made love again, and she concentrated on pleasing him, doing all
the things she knew he liked, even ones she didn't care for herself. She was