"Mckinley,.Robin.-.Sunshine" - читать интересную книгу автора (McKinley Robin)

УRae, we arenТt asking you to make a decision to save the world tomorrow. But please think about what Pat said. Think about the fact that we really, really need you. And think, for what itТs worth, that weТll back you up to the last gasp, if you want us there. If last-gasp stuff turns out to be necessary.Ф
УAnd just by the way, kiddo,Ф said Pat in his mildest voice, УIТm not accusing you of anything, okay? But it must be fifty miles from here back to where you live with that weird siddhartha type. I ainТt saying itТs not possible, Sunshine, but thatТs a hell of a hike for anyone, let alone someone whoТs spent two days chained to a wall expecting to die. IТm thinking your last gasp is pretty worth having.Ф
I stared out the window, thinking about the second shackle.
* * *
I got through dessert shift that night on autopilot. Nobody asked me how my afternoon had gone and I didnТt volunteer anything. The atmosphere of Repressed Anxiety was thick enough to cut chunks out of and fry, however. I wondered what youТd have on the side with a plate of Deep Fried Anxiety. Pickles? Cole slaw? Potato-strychnine mash? Things were so fraught that Kenny came into the bakery long enough to say УHey big sisФ and give me a hug. He hadnТt called me Big Sis since the time he was eight and I was eighteen and IТd caught him spying on my then-boyfriend Raoul and me and he went around the house yelling Big Sissy Kissy Kissy and I sent Raoul home and went into my brothersТ room and destroyed the backup discs to every one of their combox games that I could find. Which was a lot. You might think this was overreacting (Mom, Charlie, and Billy did), but I was lucky heТd only caught us kissing, and I wanted to be sure IТd been discouraging enough about this sort of fraternal behavior. Anyway neither Kenny nor Billy spoke to me at all for about six months, by which time IТd graduated, the Big Sis era was over, and shortly after that IТd moved into my own apartment.
Mary took her break in the bakery again, and told me the latest Mr. Cagney story, but her heart wasnТt in it.
УIТm okay,Ф I said. УReally.Ф
УI know you are,Ф she said, but she hugged me anyway, and got streaks of flour and cinnamon all down her front.
I was due to stay till closing but they packed me off an hour early. I didnТt argue. I fetched the Wreck and drove home slowly. I was so tiredЧbone tired, marrow tired, what comes after that? Life tired? ThatТs the kind of tired I was. It wasnТt just lack of sleep tired, though I did have a few fuzzy cobwebs at the corners of my vision.
I could hear some of MomТs charms moving around in the glove compartment. Once a charm has been given someoneТs name, if that someone doesnТt snap it and let it go live, it may pop itself, and try to come after you. When I opened the glove compartment to put a new one in now, half a dozen of the old ones tried to climb up my arm. They were probably all totally cracked from driving around in a car though.
It had been dark for two hours. The moon was rising. I thought about trying to talk Charlie into keeping the coffeehouse open twentyfour hours, drive those inferior Prime Time brownies right out of town. Then I could never leave the coffeehouse again, for the rest of my life. Pat and Jesse would be disappointed, of course, and weТd have to gear hard after the insomniac market, to keep the customer flow up, all night long, since you canТt ward a restaurant. But these were mere practical problems. The thing that really bothered me was that IТd have to tell everyone why.
That there was a vampireЧa master vampire, and his gangЧafter me. Specifically the ones IТd got away from two months ago, and it turns out suckers are poor losers. And persistent bastards.
That maybe I was the first bad-magic wuss in history. The lab-coat brigade would probably want to do exhaustive research on my motherТs child-rearing techniques as well as on my blood chemistry. Academic prunes would write papers. If they knew.
If I lost it and they found out.
There was a light on in YolandeТs part of the house, spilling across the porch and toward the drive. I still went up my own stairs in the dark; there was a hall light, but electric light in that narrow window-less way made me feel claustrophobic. When I got upstairs, and bolted the door behind me, I still didnТt turn the light on. I had another cup of chamomile tea on the dark balcony. Moonlight was beginning to glimmer through the trees at the edge of the garden. And I turned off thinking. I sat there, listening to the almost-silence. There were tiny rustling noises, the hoot of an owl, the soft stirring of the wind through leaves. External leaves. Internal leaves.
A tree? It shouldnТt be a tree. My immaterial mentor should be one of those things in one of my brothersТ combox games that you zapped on sight, all teeth and turpitude.
And nothing at all like you, SunshineЕwe need you.
I was so tired. At least tonight I had the option to go to bed early. I put my cup in the sink, put my nightgown on. Like last night, I was out as soon as I lay down.
But I woke again only a few hours later, knowing he was there. I lay curled up, facing the wall; the window, and the rest of the room, were behind me. I didnТt hear him, of course. But I knew he was there.
I turned over. There was a bright rectangle of moonlight on the floor, and a dark shape sitting motionless in the chair beyond it. He raised his head a little, in acknowledgment, I think, of my waking. HeТd been watching me.
I thought about being in the same room with a vampire. I thought about the fact that heТd come in, however heТd come in, through some charmed and warded door (or window). I thought about the fact that I had, of course, invited him in, when he had brought me home, two months ago. I hadnТt thought about inviting him in, but IТd been beyond that kind of thinking then anyway, and heТd been doing me the small service of saving my life at the time. I shouldnТt now object to the idea that once IТd invited him over my threshold the welcome was, apparently, permanent.
You can kind of feel the barrier your wards are making for you, feel if there are any big drafts flowing through any big holes. There werenТt any drafts. None of my wards were reacting to his presence.
I assumed the invitation was particular to him. That I hadnТt thrown the way open for vampires in general. Not a nice thought.
Maybe IТd invited him over my threshold a second time when I stood on the edge of the darkness two nights ago and said, What do I do now?
There were things IТd forgotten. IТd forgotten the wrongness. What was new was the fact that, despite my heart doing its fight-or-flight, help-weТre-prey-and-HEY-STUPID-THATТS-A-VAMPIRE number, I was glad to see him. Ridiculous but true. Scary but true.
The one personЧcreatureЧwhatever of my acquaintance who wouldnТt be in any danger if I snapped. Even a criminally deranged almost-human berserker is no match for a vampire.
The one whatever of my acquaintance who probably would still make me look virtuous and morally upstanding if I did snap.
I didnТt find this very comforting.
УYou came,Ф I said.
УI was here last night,Ф he said. УBut you slept deeply, and I did not wish to disturb you.Ф
IТd also forgotten how uncanny his voice was. Sinister. Not human.
УThat was nice of you,Ф I said, listening to myself and thinking you pathetic numbskull. УI had three hours of sleep last night and itЧ itТs been a long couple of days.Ф
УYes,Ф he said.
Silence fell. Some things hadnТt changed.
УBo is looking for me,Ф I said at last.
УYes,Ф he said.
УIТm sorry,Ф I said humbly, УI donТt know what to do. IЕIЕAll I did was drive out to the lake, that night, and everything elseЕIТm sorry,Ф I said again, a little wildly, and only too aware of the irony: УI donТt want to die, you know?Ф
УYes,Ф he said again.
This time I heard the pause as one of those УyouТre not going to like thisФ pauses.
УBo is looking for me too,Ф he said. УWhen he finds me, he will be careful to destroy me. Last time was theatrics. This time he will take no chances.Ф
Well, that was the most cheering news IТd heard all week. Even better than ghastly revelations about the possible truth of my genetic composition. No one really understands genetics any more than anyone really understands world economics, and what IТd been guessing might not be true. I could just worry about it for the rest of my life. If I was going to have a rest of my life. As guaranteed bad news, vampires are a much surer bet. Great. Spartan. LetТs have a party. УOh,Ф I said carefully.
I looked into what was probably a short, bleak future, and realized that one of the reasons IТd been glad to see that dark shape in the chair was that with him here, for the first time since IТd come home after those nights at the lake IТd felt maybeЕnot totally clueless and overwhelmed. Yes, heТd been the one shackled to the ballroom wall with me, but theyТd been afraid of him. Twelve against one, and him chained to the wall, and they were afraid. The fact that theyТd caught him could have been some kind of trick. It happened. Presumably among vampires too.
And now he was saying that he was out of his depth too. That it was hopeless. I wanted some nice human equivocation and denial. No, no, itТll be all right! The table knife was an ugly accident! And by the way youТre not going to morph into an axe murderer!
Rescuing the odd vampire from destruction had already fulfilled my bad-gene quota of antisocial behavior. Please.
УWhy does he hate you so much?Ф I said.
The silence went on for a while, but I could wait. What else was there to do? Walk outside and shout, УHere I am!Ф? I might be due for a short, squalid future, but as a basic principle I was going to hold on to what there was of it.
He hadnТt refused to answer yet.
УItТs a long story,Ф he said at last. УWe are nearly the same age. There are different ways of being what we are. Mine is one way. His is another. Mine, it turns out, has certain advantages. If others perhaps thought the implications through, some things might be different. Bo does not wish anyone to think those implications through. Destroying me is a way to erase the evidence. Plus that he does not care for me to have advantages no longer available to him.Ф
This was interesting, and under other circumstances would have made me curious. Constantine couldnТt be very oldЧby vampire standardsЧonly young vampires can go out in strong moonlight, like tonight. Middle-aged ones can go out when the moon is young or old enough. Later middle-aged ones can only go outdoors when there is no moon. Really old ones canТt be outdoors under the open sky at all, with any possibility of the dimmest reflected sunlight touching them. That was one of the reasons older ones began running gangs. If they survived to be old theyТd also developed other powers. УHe has another urgent reason, now. If he does not destroy me, he will lose control of his gang. Bo likes ruling. It is also necessary to him that he ruleЧto do with those advantages I possess and he does not. And while as the leader of his gang he is much more powerful than I am, alone, I am the stronger.Ф
УAnd you donТt run a gang,Ф I said.