"Recluce - 07 - The Chaos Balance" - читать интересную книгу автора (Modesitt L E)

аа "There weren't any others. Except... for last night... there never
have been ... not since almost a season before the bat-tie last fall. I
told you that, and it was true. There weren't any others, because I don't
get close to just bodies. I'm not a Gerlich. I never have been. And I
can't talk about it."
аа "That's been clear, and I've tried to be understanding." Ayrlyn shook
her head, her eyes glistening.
аа "Then . . . why?" he asked helplessly.
аа Ayrlyn walked from the causeway out to the road and turned toward the
ridge, leaving Nylan standing by himself.
аа He turned to follow, repeating his question. "Why?"
аа "Don't you understand, Nylan? I won't beg. I won't ask." The
flame-haired healer began to walk more briskly out toward the bridge.
аа Nylan hurried after her, then settled into a quick walk beside her.
For a time he walked silently, hoping she would say more. She didn't.
аа "Did you ever think that I don't like begging, either?" he finally
asked.
аа "Begging? When all you have to do is lift a finger, and any guard in
the tower would crawl to your couch?" Ayrlyn stopped in the middle of the
small bridge and turned eastward, looking out across the slow-melting
snow, into the glare of the mid-morning sun off the expanse of white.
Beyond the drop-off, in the distance rose the dark spires of the high
forest, now that the evergreens had shed their cloak of winter white.
аа "I didn't notice you crawling," he said slowly. "And I haven't lifted
my finger, as you put it, to beckon anyone else."
аа "I won't crawl. For you. For anyone. And you didn't turn Istril away,
not at all."
аа Nylan sighed. "It didn't seem right to have her in my bed, and it
didn't seem right to turn her away. Especially when she said she'd talked
to you. She doesn't lie,"
аа "That's a great line. I bedded her because she doesn't lie."
аа Nylan winced, as though a Lornian arrow had slammed through him. "That
isn't what I meant. It wasn't an easy situation."
аа "You think it was easy for me? You ought to know by now how I feel.
Yet you stand there and look at me as if I had four heads or spouted
chaos and fireballs with every word."
аа Nylan looked down at the cold, cold stones of the bridge underfoot.
After a moment, he forced his eyes up and to meet Ayrlyn's. "Would you
believe"-he swallowed, trying to force the words out-"that you're so
honest that it scares me worse than facing those wizards did?"
аа Her eyes did not flicker, just waited.
аа "I'm not that honest. And I'm not very brave. I never wanted to be
captain. You know that. How could a man who deep inside fears everything
. . . how could I ever lead people? How could I ask you . . . ?"
аа A faint smile crossed her lips, like the glimmer of sunshine after a
storm. "The way you just did ... by being honest with me ... by not
trying to be the solid engineer that no one touches. I don't want a hero
image. I don't want a male version of Ryba. I have fears, Nylan. Everyone
does. You do. I can deal with that. I just can't deal with a man who
hides from himself."