"The Speed Of Dark" - читать интересную книгу автора (Moon Elizabeth)

The Speed of Dark - Elizabeth MoonTHE SPEED OF DARK
Elizabeth Moon



CHAPTER ONE
^ ╗
QUESTIONS, ALWAYS QUESTIONS. THEY DIDNТT WAIT FOR the answers, either. They
rushed on, piling questions on questions, covering every moment with questions,
blocking off every sensation but the thorn stab of questions.
And orders. If it wasnТt, УLou, what is this?Ф it was, УTell me what this is.Ф A
bowl. The same bowl, time after time. It is a bowl and it is an ugly bowl, a
boring bowl, a bowl of total and complete boring blandness, uninteresting. I am
uninterested in that uninteresting bowl.
If they arenТt going to listen, why should I talk?
I know better than to say that out loud. Everything in my life that I value has
been gained at the cost of not saying what I really think and saying what they
want me to say.
In this office, where I am evaluated and advised four times a year, the
psychiatrist is no less certain of the line between us than all the others have
been. Her certainty is painful to see, so I try not to look at her more than I
have to. That has its own dangers; like the others, she thinks I should make
more eye contact than I do. I glance at her now.
Dr. Fornum, crisp and professional, raises an eyebrow and shakes her head not
quite imperceptibly. Autistic persons do not understand these signals; the book
says so. I have read the book, so I know what it is I do not understand.
What I havenТt figured out yet is the range of things they donТt understand. The
normals. The reals. The ones who have the degrees and sit behind the desks in
comfortable chairs.
I know some of what she doesnТt know. She doesnТt know that I can read. She
thinks IТm hyperlexic, just parroting the words. The difference between what she
calls parroting and what she does when she reads is imperceptible to me. She
doesnТt know that I have a large vocabulary. Every time she asks what my job is
and I say I am still working for the pharmaceutical company, she asks if I know
what pharmaceutical means. She thinks IТm parroting. The difference between what
she calls parroting and my use of a large number of words is imperceptible to
me. She uses large words when talking to the other doctors and nurses and
technicians, babbling on and on and saying things that could be said more
simply. She knows I work on a computer, she knows I went to school, but she has
not caught on that this is incompatible with her belief that I am actually
nearly illiterate and barely verbal.
She talks to me as if I were a rather stupid child. She does not like it when I
use big words (as she calls them) and she tells me to just say what I mean.
What I mean is the speed of dark is as interesting as the speed of light, and
maybe it is faster and who will find out?
What I mean is about gravity, if there were a world where it is twice as strong,
then on that world would the wind from a fan be stronger because the air is
thicker and blow my glass off the table, not just my napkin? Or would the
greater gravity hold the glass more firmly to the table, so the stronger wind
couldnТt move it?