"John Morressy - The Juggler" - читать интересную книгу автора (Morressy John)

the sick I cared nothing. I lived as I pleased, and gave no thought to what must await me after such a life. I
have seen scores of men-nay, hundreds-die suddenly, with no time to prepare themselves, and yet I paid no
heed to the warnings God was sending me through them. Like so many others, I told myself that I would
win over God and the saints by gifts of land and gold when my hour came. Fool! I never gave a thought to
good works and penitence."
Beran had traveled with pilgrims before, and knew their way of talking. It seemed to him that the holier a
man was, the worse things he said of himself, while the truly wicked men blamed themselves for nothing.
But he did not say this to Julian. He saw the scarred hands and missing finger, the pale rosette of an arrow
wound in the forearm, and he believed Julian's words about a life of violence. This was a man who had
seen death, and dealt it out.
"One night I had a terrible dream," the knight went on. "I found myself in a place of flames and torment.
A voice cried out to me, 'This punishment awaits you, Julian, unless you turn from your evil ways, and
re-pent, and make atonement. Turn, and pray for yourself and for me.' I recognized the voice at once. It
was my old companion James, who had died at my side in battle against the pagans in Prussia. James was
a far better man than I, yet he was suffering for his sins. How much greater would my suffering be!" Julian
was silent for a time, and from the look on his hard face, Beran could tell that he was thinking of that
visionary dream. Turning to the boy, his expression earnest, he said, "I arose at once and began to make
preparations. The message was clear. For both our sakes I must go to the shrine of Saint James. I wrote
my will, and went to all whom I had offended, to make peace with them. Then I went to the church to
confess my sins and be invested as a pilgrim."
"Did you have to do all those things before you could begin?" Beran asked, for though he had spoken
with scores of pilgrims, many of their ways remained mysterious to him.
"Without a sincere confession, and atonement for past wrongs, the pilgrimage would be a mockery. I
have heard of pilgrims who were struck down at the very shrine, and others who were unable to pass
through the church doors, because they had not pre-pared themselves."
Beran was deeply impressed to hear this. Even more impressive was the explanation he received from
an-other of the pilgrims, an aged man named William, of the significance of the items in the pilgrim's outfit,
a uniform as distinctive as a priest's robes or a knight's armor. Every item stood as a symbol of something
invisible and unseen, and Beran listened with awe and growing confusion as William, in a soft, unhurried
voice barely more than a whisper, told how the bur-don, the sturdy metal-footed staff of the pilgrim, was not
merely an aid to walking and a means of defense,-its wood symbolized the tree that had caused the
downfall of mankind and the cross that had purchased redemption. As the cross was our defense against
the devil, so the staff defended the pilgrim against wild dogs and wolves and others who would assail him as
the devil assails the soul. The staff serves as a third leg for the pilgrim, recalling the three persons of the
Trin-ity. As the pilgrim leans on the bourdonnee, or the staff, so the bourdonnee also symbolizes faith, while
the scrip, a bag too small to hold more than a few coins and scraps of food, reminds the pilgrim of holy
poverty and of his duty of charity and almsgiving. The tunic, by its rough cloth, recalls the humanity of
Christ, while the cross sewn upon it attests to His divinity.
Beran was able to follow William's words thus far. But when the old man began to expound on deeper
matters, and draw out significations of such subtlety that each was more astounding than the one be-fore,
the boy lost his way and sat mystified, stunned by the thought that things so commonplace and plain to the
eye could be wrapped in such layers of solemn meaning.
William could speak simply and clearly when the occasion required. One day they were forced off the
road by a party of horsemen trailing a long caravan of wagons. The horsemen, richly dressed and attended
by an army of servants, offered no greeting, did not pause or even glance at the pilgrims, but rode on, with
their goods following behind in wagons.
"Such are the worldly," William said to Beran as they looked on. "They travel in luxury and call it
penance. But those who enjoy their paradise in this world will pay dearly in the next."
Luxury was a word of vague meaning to Beran. He had heard people speak as though it consisted of
silken tents, golden dishes heaped with food, the certainty of warmth and shelter and safety, and if this