"John Norman - Gor 22 - Dancer of Gor " - читать интересную книгу автора (Norman John)

whom I must, whatever be the cost or anguish, never permit to be
seen, or even suspected! You are the Doreen I must deny. You are
the Doreen I must hide! Yet you are my true self. I know that! It is
my true self then that I must deny, and hide!тАЬ
I watched her.
тАЮYou bitch!тАЬ I chided her. тАЮYou brazen bitch! You meaningless,
brazen little bitch!тАЬ
I watched. How shameless, how meaningless, how terrible, how
worthless she was, that girl in the mirror, that writhing, astounding,
uncontrollably sensuous little bitch!
She continued to dance.
I saw that she was worthless indeed, worth less than the dirt
beneath the feet of gods, but that, too, in her way, she possessed
incredible riches and power, in her beauty and femaleness, and in
her dance. In the sense in which a free person was priceless, she was
worthless, but, too, in her way, I could see that she would have
value, value as a pair of boots might have value or a dog. She was
the sort of person who would have a finite, measurable value. She
was the sort of woman on whom a fair price could be put.
I collapsed to the rug, naked. I felt its coarse nap on my thigh and
side. I clutched my arms about myself. I drew my legs up. I was
terrified. I wept. I could not understand what I had done, and seen.
The girl in the mirror was now gone. We were now one. I trembled.
I lay there for better than an hour, I think, in the flickering
shadows, naked, on the rug. I listened to the sounds from outside,
mostly those of traffic. Eventually the tiny candle burned out.




15
 CHAPTER 2
THE DICTIONARY




тАЮThe book is her,тАЬ I said, тАЮon the bottom shelf.тАЬ
тАЮGet it,тАЬ he said.
Never again, of course, had I dared to don the tiny silken
garment. I would have been too terrified to have done so. It brought
out things too deep and marvelous, too shameful and terrible, too
precious and beautiful in me. But it remained with my things, in the
dresser. Nonetheless my life had changed, somehow, in perspective
or understanding, if not greatly in overt deed or obvious fact, that
night when I had seem myself as I was, or might be, in the mirror,
when I had come to incontrovertibly learn my true nature, a nature
which must be forever denied, thwarted and frustrated, a nature that
had no place in my world.
тАЮYes?тАЬ I had asked, looking up from behind the reference desk.