"Pond, Wallace K. - Reflections - Notes of a Psychologist" - читать интересную книгу автора (Pond Wallace K)

Preface

In more than two decades as a practicing psychologist, I have learned that the human psyche can simultaneously be fragile, resilient, delicate, buoyant, vulnerable, dependent, and survivalistic. I am eternally grateful for the wisdom clients, patients, students, and colleagues pass on to me daily. Most all I have to say here is not original. I have picked it up from a patient, client, friend, or book. The only thing I ever said that might be original is, "What this country needs is a paper shortage," and I wouldn't bet that's truly my own.

My wife and I often read to each other before bed, just short readings that prompt us to think about something new or something we forgot we knew. This book is filled with "thought prompts" for introspection or dialogues or exploration. Knowledge is something to be shared, not hoarded. I deeply hope the following statements trigger some creative thinking about knowledge you already have.

Dr. Wallace K. Pond



The first four minutes experienced between a couple upon awakening each morning and then the first four minutes spent greeting each other after returning home at the end of the day are the two most critical exchanges that occur within the relationship. Those who talk pleasantly, display affection, and feel genuine interest in each other and the day ahead cultivate and nurture their future. Those who leap from bed issuing instructions and making demands with complete self-absorption set the tone and parameters for that day. When the couple arrives home at the end or the day, the same phenomenon determines the interpersonal dynamics for the evening. How a man and woman engage each other during those initial four minute encounters can make or break the partnership.

The most important factor that affects a child's feelings of security is how he or she perceives the health of the parents' relationship. This perception also affects the childТs self-image, self-confidence and ability to behave successfully and appropriately.

People stay locked in dead-end jobs or destructive, barren intimate relationships because the security of knowing the rules and intricacies of the miserable job or relationship seduces them. They know they can survive and handle it; theyТve been doing it long enough. They prefer the certainty of misery over the misery of uncertainty.

I was raised through the collaborative effort of a small town's citizens during the forties and fifties. They did not hesitate to respond automatically to my occasional inappropriate behavior with such action-stoppers as: "Hey there, young fellar! That's not the way we do things around here! Now you straighten up." Perhaps it does "take an entire village to raise a child," as the African adage asserts. Regrettably, if "village members" take such needed action these days, it might result in anything from a lawsuit to a stabbing.

Apparently, the first thing to go in a relationship is politeness. Mutual consideration and respect are not optional behaviors in a deep and enduring relationship.

I am now completely convinced that it is important to put the toilet seat down.

It is wise to avoid making major decisions independently in a relationship, particularly if both partners will share the time and expense of dealing with the consequences.

The male ego structure is the most anemic and vulnerable part of the human psyche. A man often demands to know what he cannot stand to hear and will hammer his mate into telling him things that practically kill his soul.

Individuals within a relationship know how to "push the other's buttons" because they installed them.

Death is a conundrum. The death of someone else is so incredibly final. Even if the death is expected and "a blessing for all concerned," an era ends. It confirms not only our own mortality, but also that the timing and sequence of events and the fulfillment of expectations can be terribly unreliable.

The notion of self-actualization has been gravely overstated and made much too complicated. It is, simply stated, peace of mind.

My favorite sounding word is "anathema." I wish it meant something else.

Gift-giving is both an art and a science because of the complexity of the giver's motivation. Many give something they would like to have themselves or want the recipient to have. Giving can be anything from a sweet overture devoid of conditions to a manipulative use of leverage.

A patient once said to me, "A wife is a wife for as long as you're married, but an ex-wife is forever." This is not a gender-linked phenomenon.

What most often precipitates or exacerbates interpersonal problems is fatigue.

Passive aggression is one of the most manipulative and pervasive forms of aggression.

"Mental cruelty" almost always centers on verbal and nonverbal denigration. Put-downs are deadly. Avoid them like the plague, and improved relationships are practically guaranteed.

Little surpasses the self-gratification derived from doing an anonymous act of kindness.

We are all painfully aware of our shortcomings and body image. It is ludicrous and often cruel to kiddingly point them out, especially when others are near. Why force someone to he a good sport while being put down?

Children, adults and lower animals trust most those whose behavior they know to be predictable.