"Pond, Wallace K. - Reflections - Notes of a Psychologist" - читать интересную книгу автора (Pond Wallace K)

There are three elements in an intimate relationship: social, sexual, and financial. A couple experiencing disharmony in any one of them can most often work things out. If two or more are in trouble, do something right awayЧseek help.

Where there is pain there is feeling, and when there is feeling, there is hope.

Two of the most underestimated words I know are "mean" and "fair." Unnecessarily or generally mean people are despicable. People unconcerned with fairness are fools who bear watching.

I'll be forever grateful to my Dad who casually said to me when I was a young adolescent, "Sonny Boy, it doesn't cost a dime to be nice."

One of the greatest joys a husband can experience is to be genuinely proud of his mate.

The double standard is alive and well. Men who believe in sexual liberality for themselves and others cannot handle even the slightest similar beliefs or behavior on the part of "their" women.

Once a couple no longer displays mutual respect, they should brace themselves for mutual defensiveness.

When a relationship is consumed by disrespect, criticism and defensiveness, one or both of the couple will withdraw. It is irrelevant which member is the more interpersonally treasonous with put-downs and lack of caring. Such behavior has become an accepted norm.

It's not that life's too short. It's that death is so darned long.

When asked questions and professional opinions about controversial individuals such as O.J. Simpson or Bill Clinton, a psychologist must "keep the objective ball in the air," regardless of any personal bias or conclusions s/he may have. This monumental feat may, perhaps, be accomplished by borrowing the thrust and intent found in Tim O'Brien's book In the Lake of the Woods:

"Can we believe that he was not a monster but a man? That he was innocent of everything except his life?

Could the truth be so simple? So terrible?"

I have never found anything stronger or more resilient than the human psyche. Then again, I know of nothing more delicate and fragile than the human psyche.

The more you talk about yourself, the sooner your listeners will hear something they don't like.

Jealousy and envy are quite different from one another. Each, however, can be debilitating. Envy occurs when someone has something you would like to have. Jealousy kicks in when you perceive someone trying to take something from you.

Research indicates that the very worst event a human being encounters is the death or horrible injury of his or her child. One reason this drives us to our knees may be because the parent has had no anticipatory grief, no practice at grieving over such an event. While we may think about the "what its" of the death of a spouse, parent, or friend, whenever we think of our child in that regard, we immediately block any further thought on the subject and expunge whatever thoughts we did have. It is the truly unthinkable.

The institution of marriage will last. It has to. It is our cultural infrastructure and the synapse of our social connectedness.

Columnist William Raspberry reminds us that marriage matters. So does the fact that we are forgetting how much it matters.

When a couple has decided to terminate their relationship, it is imperative they enable the children to feel exempt from any responsibility for that decision. This can be accomplished by advising children that the acts of separation or divorce result from a marital decision, not a family decision. Children must also be reminded that their parents may not always be married, but their parents will always be their parents. And, to the best of their parents' ability and intentions, their security will always be solid and never become an issue, and they will always be loved.

I have heard colleagues state that the "Three C's," or most important factors, in a relationship are "communication, communication and communication." This statement is insultingly over-simplified and informationally barren. This mnemonic device and the valuable intent behind it can be salvaged, however, and put to excellent use. The first "C," communication, is crucial to a relationship. The second "C" is chemistry. Whether a relationship is sexual or asexual, turning the other person on and having kindred pizzazz is vital. The third "C" is common values. Whether the relationship deals with global topics or personal feelings, without common values a day spent together can be a long one.

Past generations taught their children the difference between right and wrong. Instead, many now teach what is legal and illegal. This alarms me when juxtaposed with "or can you get away with it."

Theodore Roosevelt was painfully accurate when he warned that to educate a person in mind, but not in morals, creates a menace to society.

Practicing psychology reveals that truth is not only stranger than fiction, but stranger than hallucinations.

Fair and adequate punishment consistently administered to children from the beginning, accompanied by their learning the consequences of their behavior, would make adolescence more of a learning, albeit difficult, experience, rather than the frequently reported nightmare.

Clients expect psychologists to make conjectural or scientifically based judgments, and to be responsible for them. This is somewhat intimidating.