"Robert Rankin - The Greatest Show Off Earth" - читать интересную книгу автора (Rankin Robert)

'That one's on.'
'A pint of that then please.'
'Jolly good.' Andy placed a glass beneath the spout of a nearby beer engine and drew
off a fine full measure. 'Seen Raymond tonight?' he asked Simon.
'No, not tonight.' As Simon spoke the lie he peeped at his reflection in the mirror
behind the bar. Just to see if his teeth were sidling. They weren't.
'Shame.' Andy presented Simon with his pint. 'Only a parcel arrived here this morning
for him by mistake. I wondered if you'd pass it on.'
'I'd be pleased to.' Simon took out a five-pound note.
Andy plucked it from his fingers. 'Good man. You see my wife accepted the delivery
and there were no stamps on it and she had to pay the postman. I'll take the cost out of this
and you can get it from Raymond when you give him the parcel. Cheers.'
'Cheers.' Simon sipped at his pint. 'I don't usually drink this,' he said.
Andy returned from the cash register with a few small coins. 'Something wrong?' he
asked.
'No,' said Simon, 'everything's just fine.'
'Jolly good.' Andy sank away beneath the counter.
'Evening, Simon.' The voice came down the bar from the lips of Dick Godolphin.
'New hat?'
'I refer you to the answer I gave a moment ago,' said Simon, in a prime-ministerial
tone.
Andy rose again, a large parcel in his hands. He placed it on the counter next to
Simon's pint. 'There you go,' said he.
'Cheers,' said Simon once more.
'I have often wondered,' Andy said, 'why is it that members of the opposition party
always waste half of Prime Minister's question time asking the PM what his appointments are
for the day.'
'Ah.' Simon brought his teeth into play. 'I have a theory about that. I reckon they think
that if they keep on asking him again and again, then one day he'll simply crack and say
something like, "This morning I had meetings with Cabinet colleagues and others and at
lunchtime I had a naked Filipino lass lowered onto my honourable member in a revolving
split-cane basket. Oh damn, now what have I said? I resign."'
'You think that might be it?'
'Definitely.' Simon finished his pint.
'Same again?' Andy asked.
'I would seem to be without funds,' said Simon. 'Does Raymond still have an account
here?'
'Certainly does. All paid up since last night. A twenty-five-pound credit line. This is
the only pub hereabouts that still affords him the privilege. A privilege he has not as yet been
foolish enough to abuse.'
'Nor would he ever. I'll have a pint on his account then.'
'You certainly will not.' The landlord shook his old grey beard in a professional
manner. "The door to trust swings both ways you know.'
'Indeed I do.' Simon fell back in mock alarm. 'But am I not Raymond's best and
trusted friend?'
'You are his only friend at all, I so believe.'
'And have I not just paid the postage on his parcel, as only would a best and trusted
friend?'
The old grey beard went up and down.
'Then do not seek to drive a wedge between true friends. Put an IOU into the till on