"Robert Rankin - They Came and Ate us" - читать интересную книгу автора (Rankin Robert)

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They Came and Ate Us
Armageddon 2: The B-Movie
Robert Rankin


THE END OF PART ONE

If you ain't where you is, you 're no place, God

In the year 2050 planet Earth finally got the chance to enjoy Armageddon. It had orig-inally been
scheduled to occur in 999 and after that fell through, in 1999. However, due to certain legal
loopholes in the original contracts and God moving in the mys-terious way he is known and loved
for, the thing didn't actually get under way until 2050.

But when it did it was a real showstopper. Cracking special effects, flaming chariots, angelic
hosts, fire and brimstone, the whole kith and caboodle and the kitchen sink. All in glorious
Buddhacolour and broadcast live as it happened.

The major pay-off came with the playing of the now legendary UNIVERSAL NOTE, which magically
transformed Earth from an irradiated plague-pit into a pretty reason-able facsimile of the
original Garden of Eden. An event of no small fabness by any reckoning.

The Big Figure then put his only daughter Christeen (twin sister of Jesus Christ, but unfairly
edited out of the New Testament) in charge of the show and left her to get on with it.

The run-up to all this involved numerous comings and goings. These included spacemen, time
travelling, sex, violence, TV gameshows, the Antichrist and a sprout called Barry. But all that is
far too complicated to go into here. One point which might just be worth mentioning is that an
independent survey carried out on the planet

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Phnaargos in 2050 did manage to pinpoint the single root cause for the disastrous course of human
history taken during the latter part of the twentieth century, a course leading inevitably to the
Grand Nuclear Holocaust Event of 1999, which laid waste to two-thirds of the known world. The
survey proved beyond all doubt that all the fuss and bother was the fault of one single man. That
it could, in fact, be parcelled up and laid fairly and squarely upon the guitar-shaped doormat of
one Elvis Aron Presley.

Yes, that very one!

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PART ONE

I was not born to live a man's life but to be the stuff of future

memory. King Arthur