"Reeves, James R & Taylor, James Carl - Vietnam 02 - Covert Actions" - читать интересную книгу автора (Reeves James R)

iness of the blood as I held him in my arms. I was still
haunted by his wife's words on that last tape: "You and
Jay take care of each other. . . ."I tried. I tried.

I wrote a report on how it happened, and they sent
it with the telegram informing his family of his death.
I haven't heard from his family since it happened. I
think they blamed me, and rightly so.

But there were some other things, too. . . .

I had nightmares and flashbacks before I left 'Nam,
but not so bad as I had them when I got back to the
States. I didn't sleep as soundly in Vietnam. A lot of
the times, I took Dexedrine to keep me alert. On pa-
trols, I didn't sleep at all, unless they lasted several
days, and then I only slept lightly. If I had a night-
mare it woke me. When I got back to the States I
slept more soundly, and sometimes I wouldn't wake
up when I had a nightmare. I would be up, moving
around, and still be having the nightmare. It was like
sleepwalking. It scared me. I was afraid I would hurt
someone while I was dreaming.

The flashbacks were like nightmares, but they came
when I was awake. They'd come when I was tired,
or had been drinking, or had somehow let my guard
down. It was like I had this little sentry in my mind

10 James R. Reeves and James C. Taylor

keeping the flashbacks away, and they'd get in when
he was tired, or intoxicated, or had been distracted
by something. In 'Nam, the nervous tension of being
on patrol, the fear of being ambushed and killed,
kept the sentry alert. Back at the barge, I was with
people that could handle it if I flashed back. I wasn't
worried that I would flash back and strangle Bob or
shoot him; he could take care of himself. But in the
States, I worried about hurting somebody.

The newspapers didn't help either. They made a
big deal out of it every time something happened:

"VIETNAM VET GOES NUTS, SHOOTS MOTHER" OF

some such garbage. That just made me worry more.

Sometimes the nightmares would be scenesЧthings
I had seen, horrible things that make you lose respect