"Mike Resnick - Merry Bunta!" - читать интересную книгу автора (Resnick Mike)

Merry Bunta! A Lucifer Jones Story by Mike Resnick
The first time I heard her name, I thunk it was some Brazilian holiday and someone was wishing me a
merry one of тАШem. I was in Rio, having just experienced some of the side effects of Carnival, which they
kept spelling Carnaval, proving once and for all that Brazil ainтАЩt never gonna present no threat of
worldwide domination, and I figgered I might as well see if this was the place where I wanted to finally
build my tabernacle.
Truth to tell, it had a lot going for it. For one thing, it abounded in evil men and scarlet women, and you
canтАЩt hardly run a religion without an abundance of sinners to save. For another, it had a real pleasant
climate, and a lovely beach where most swimmers of the female persuasion left enough clothes at home
that itтАЩd get тАШem arrested back in the States or applauded in most other places. And, third, there was a
bar with a radio that brought in American baseball games, so I could see how Babe Ruth and Dizzy Dean
were faring.

Of course, there were some disadvantages too. For one thing, hardly none of тАШem spoke American. For
another, the local padres werenтАЩt real thrilled with competition, especially the vigorous kind of Christianity
I preached. And for a third, I didnтАЩt have no money, having been flim-flammed by the villainous Erich von
Horst, the details of which IтАЩve already writ up and are too painful to go into again.

I still hadnтАЩt made up my mind what to do when it was made up for me of a pleasant summer evening,
which for reasons I ainтАЩt figgered out yet came about in mid-November. I was walking down the street to
Madame SarcosaтАЩs House of Exceptionally High Repute, just minding my own business and reciting
some of the spicier psalms to myself, when I saw the most beautiful blonde lady I ever did see. I knew
right off that she wasnтАЩt no native to Rio, since blondes were somewhat rarer down there than mosquitos,
spiders. land crabs, rats and killer snakesтАУand blondes like this one was rarer than just about anything.

I must have been standing there staring at her slack-jawed, and the way I know this is a few seconds
later I started choking on a pair of flies what had flown into my mouth. I must have made some strangling
noises, because she suddenly turned and looked at me. I knew a delicate creature like her would
disapprove of my spitting on the sidewalk, so I just chomped down on the flies and swallowed тАШem, then
guv her my biggest, friendliest smile. She smiled back, and I knew beyond any shadow of a doubt that I
had fallen eternally and everlastingly in love again.

Then she giggled, and I looked down to make sure my pants wasnтАЩt unzipped, and they wasnтАЩt, and I
couldnтАЩt figger out what was amusing her so much, and then I remembered that I was standing right in
front of Madame SarcosaтАЩs. I didnтАЩt want her thinking poorly of me, so as Ezra Willoughby and Slippery
Jim Stevens came out the front door I whipped my copy of the good book out of my coat pocket and
began preaching at them to mend their sinful ways.

тАЬAw, come on, Lucifer,тАЭ said Ezra. тАЬYouтАЩre embarrassing us out here in public, and besides it ainтАЩt as if
you ainтАЩt been in there with us the last four nights.тАЭ

тАЬHe just wants us to give the place up so he can have тАШem all to himself,тАЭ added Slippery Jim.

тАЬShut up, you guys,тАЭ I said softly. тАЬIтАЩm trying to impress that fair damsel on the other side of the street.тАЭ

Slippery Jim looked over my shoulder. тАЬI donтАЩt see no damsel there.тАЭ

тАЬWhatтАЩs a damsel?тАЭ added Ezra.

I turned, and sure enough the love of my life had vanished.