"Mike Resnick - The Long and Short of It" - читать интересную книгу автора (Resnick Mike)

The Long and Short of It
Mike Resnick
A John Justin Mallory Story

John Justin Mallory was having a bad day.

He'd gone out to Jamaica and picked the wrong horse six races in a row, a feat made even more
remarkable by the fact that his favorite, Flyaway, who had lost fifty-four consecutive races, wasn't even
entered.

When he'd stopped by Joey Chicago's for a drink on the way home, he found out they were all out of
Old Peculiar and that some irate mage had hexed the tap on the Old Washensox.

He decided to eat at Morgan the Gorgon's 2-Star Diner and Hardware Store, made what he thought
was a funny crack about wanting to eat Can't Miss, who had just missed by sixty-three lengths with
Mallory's twenty dollars riding on him, and got a steak so rare that he could still see the jockey's whip
marks.

Finally he went back to the office, where with his partner Winnifred Carruthers he plied his trade as a
private detective. Winnifred had gone home for the night, and he plopped down wearily in his chair,
briefly looked at the Playmate he'd pinned up on the wall (and on which Winnifred had meticulously
drawn undergarments), and considered taking a hit from the office bottle, which shared a drawer with his
collection of old Racing Forms and garish pulp magazines.

"Welcome back," said Perriwinkle, his magic mirror. "How much did you lose today? You did lose,
didn't you? I mean, I haven't noticed the stars stopping in their courses or anything like that."

"If there's one thing I hate, it's a lippy mirror."

"I have no lips."

"Details, details," muttered Mallory.

"Let me show you something to relax you," suggested the mirror.

"An old Bettie Page striptease might be nice," said Mallory.

"Mundane," said Perriwinkle contemptuously. "But if you must see a stripper, how about Tassle-Twirling
Tessie Twinkle, the Lizard Girl? She removes her skin four times a night, and five on Saturdays."

"Please," said Mallory. "I almost just ate."

"Okay, hurt my feelings, spit on my offerings," said the mirror. "See if I care."

It fell silent, and began displaying a 1934 Southwest Association game between the Phoenix Pompadours
and the Great Falls Geldings.

"Wonderful," said Mallory. He spent the next half hour opening his mail, which consisted entirely of
unpaid bills, except for an ad to eat at Cannibal Joe's new all-night diner, which moved to a new location
each day (or oftener if necessary). He finally finished, made a paper plane out of the heating bill, and