"Mike Resnick - The Trials and Tribulations of Myron Blumberg" - читать интересную книгу автора (Resnick Mike)

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THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF MYRON
BLUMBERG, DRAGON




by Mike Resnick




Sylvia's always after me.

#

"It's a skin condition," she says.
"It's a wart," I say.
"It's a skin condition and you're going to the doctor and
don't touch me until he gives you something for it."
So I go to the doctor, and he gives me something for it, and
she makes me sleep in the guest room anyway.

#

"Myron, you're green," she says.
"You mean like I don't know the ropes, or you mean like I got
ptomaine poisoning from your tuna salad?" I ask.
"I mean like you're the same color as the grass," she says.
"Maybe it's the lotion the doctor gave me," I say.
"It doesn't come off on your shirts," she says.
"So maybe it all dried up," I say.
"Maybe," she says, "but stay in your room when I have the
girls over for mah jong."

#

"I told you not to smoke in bed," she says.
"I know," I says.
"Well, then?" she says.
"Well then, _what_?" I say.
"Well then why are you smoking in bed?" she says.
"I'm not," I say.
"Then how did your pillow get scorched?" she says.
"Not from the passion of your love-making, that's for sure,"
I say.
"Don't be disgusting," she says.
Then I belch, and out comes all this smoke and fire, and she
says if I ever lie to her again she's going to give me a rolling