Roberts, Nora - Ever After
Ever After
Nora Roberts
Contents
Chapter 1
"This," the old woman said, "is for you."
Allena studied the pendant that swung gently from the thickly braided links
of a silver chain. Really, she'd only come in to browse. Her budget didn't
allow for impulse buys—which were, of course, the most fun and the most
satisfying. And her affection for all things impulsive was the very reason she
couldn't afford to indulge herself.
She shouldn't have entered the shop at all. But who could resist a tiny
little place tucked into the waterfront of a charming Irish village? Especially
a place called Charms and Cures.
Certainly not Allena Kennedy.
"It's beautiful, but I—"
"There's only one." The woman's eyes were faded and blue, like the
sea that slapped and spewed against the stone wall barely a stone's throw from
the door. Her hair was steel gray and bundled into a bun that lay heavy on her
thin neck.
She wore a fascinating rattle of chains and pins, but there was nothing,
Allena thought, like the pendant she held in her bony fingers. "Only
one?"
"The silver was cured in Dagda's Cauldron over the Midsummer's fire and
carved by the finger of Merlin. He that was Arthur's."
"Merlin?"
Allena was a sucker for tales of magic and heroics. Her stepsister Margaret
would have sniffed and said no, she was simply a sucker.
"The high king's sorcerer wandered through Ireland in his time. It was
here he found the Giant's Dance, and coveting it for Arthur, floated it away
over the Irish Sea to Britain. But while he took magic from this land, some he
also left." Watching Allena, she set the pendant swaying. "Here is
some, and it belongs to you."
"Well, I really can't…" But Allena trailed off, her gaze
locked on the pendant. It was a long oval, dulled and tarnished a bit, and
centered in it was a carving in the shape of a bursting star.
It seemed to catch the murky, cloud-filtered light coming through the small
shop window, hold it, expand it, so that it glittered hypnotically in Allena's
eyes. It seemed the star shimmered.
"I just came in to look around."
"Sure and if you don't look, you can't find, can you? You came looking,
all the way from America."
She'd come, Allena tried to remember, to assist Margaret with the tour
group. Margaret's business, A Civilized Adventure, was very
successful—and very regimented. Everyone said that Allena needed some
regimentation. And Margaret had been clear, brutally clear, that this
opportunity was her last chance.
"Be organized, be prepared, and be on time," Margaret had told her
as she'd sat behind her polished desk in her perfectly terrifying and perfectly
ordered office in New York. "If you can manage that, there might be a
chance for you. If you can't, I wash my hands of you, Lena."
It wouldn't be the first time someone had washed their hands of her. In the
past three years she'd lost three jobs. Well, four, but it didn't seem
necessary to count those hideous two days she'd spent as assistant to her
uncle's mother-in-law's sister.
It wasn't as if she'd spilled ink on the white Valentino gown on purpose.
And if the Social Dragon hadn't insisted that she use a fountain pen—I
mean, really—for all correspondence, there wouldn't have been ink to
spill.
But that wasn't the point, she reminded herself as she stared at the
pendant. She'd lost that job and all the others, and now Margaret was giving
her a chance to prove she wasn't a complete moron.
Which, Allena feared, she probably was.
"You need to find your place."
Blinking, Allena managed to tear her gaze away from the pendant and look
back into the old woman's eyes. They seemed so kind and wise. "Maybe I
don't have one."
"Oh, there now, each of us has one, but there are those who don't fit
so easily into the world the way others see it. And us. You've only been
looking in the wrong places. Till now. This," she said again,
"belongs to you."
"I really can't afford it." There was apology in her voice, even
as she reached out. Just to touch. And touching, she felt heat from the silver,
and terrible longing inside her. A thrill raced up her spine even as something
heavy seemed to settle over her heart.
It couldn't hurt to try it on. Surely there was no harm in just seeing how
it looked on her, how it felt.
As if in a dream, she took the chain from the old woman, slipped it around
her neck. The heaviness in her heart shifted. For a moment, the light through
the window strengthened, beamed brilliantly over the trinkets and pots of herbs
and odd little stones crammed on the shelves and counters.
An image swam into her mind, an image of knights and dragons, of wild wind
and water, of a circle of stones standing alone under a black and raging sky.
Then a shadow that was a man, standing still as the stones, as if waiting.
In her heart she knew he waited for her, as no one had before and no one
would after. And would wait, eternally.
Allena closed her hand over the pendant, ran her thumb over the star. Joy
burst through her, clear as the sunlight. Ah, she thought. Of course. It's
mine. Just as I'm his, and he's mine.
"How much is it?'' she heard herself say, and knew no price would be
too dear.
"Ten pounds, as a token."
"Ten?" She was already reaching for her purse. "It has to be
worth more." A king's ransom, a sorcerer's spell, a lover's dream.
"It is, of course." But the woman merely held out her hand for the
single note. "And so are you. Go on your journey,
a chuid, and
see."
"Thank you."
"You're a good lass," the woman said as Allena walked to the door.
And when it shut, her smile turned bright and crafty. "He won't be
pleased, but you'll bring him 'round by Midsummer's Eve. And if you need a bit
of help, well, that will be my pleasure."
Outside, Allena stared at the sea wall, the dock, the line of cottages as if
coming out of a dream. Odd, she thought, hadn't that all been wonderfully odd?
She traced a finger over the pendant again. Only one, cast in Dagda's Cauldron,
carved by Merlin.
Of course, Margaret would sneer and tell her that the old woman had a dozen
more in the stockroom ready to pass them off to birdbrained tourists. And
Margaret, as always, was probably right. But it didn't matter.
She had the pendant and a wonderful story to go with it. And all for ten
pounds. Quite a bargain.
She glanced up now, wincing. The sky was heavy with clouds, and all of them
were thick and gray. Margaret would not be pleased that the weather wasn't
falling in line with today's plans. The ferry ride to the island had been
meticulously arranged.
Tea and scones would be served on the trip over, while Margaret lectured her
twenty-person group on the history of the place they were about to visit. It
had been Allena's job to type up Margaret's notes and print the handouts.
First stop would be the visitors' center for orientation. There would be a
tour of a ruined abbey and graveyard, which Allena looked forward to, then
lunch, picnic style, which the hotel had provided in hampers. Lunch was to last
precisely sixty minutes.
They would then visit the beehive cottages, and Margaret would deliver a
lecture on their history and purpose. The group would be allotted an hour to
wander on their own, into the village, the shops, down to the beach, before
gathering at four-thirty on the dot for high tea at the restored castle, with,
naturally, another lecture on that particular spot.
It was Allena's job to keep all of Margaret's lecture notes in order, to
help herd the group, to watch valuables, to haul parcels should there be any,
and to generally make herself available for any and all menial chores.
For this she would be paid a reasonable salary by Margaret's definition.
But, more important, it was explained, she would receive training and
experience that, her family hoped, would teach her responsibility and maturity.
Which, by the age of twenty-five, she should have learned already.
There was no point in explaining that she didn't want to be responsible and
mature if it turned her into another Margaret. Here she was, four days into her
first tour and already something inside her was screaming to run away.
Dutifully, she quashed the rebellion, glanced at her watch. Stared at it,
dumbfounded.
That couldn't be. It was impossible. She'd only meant to slip into the shop
for a few minutes. She couldn't possibly have spent an hour in there. She
couldn't—oh, God, she
couldn't have missed the ferry.
Margaret would murder her.
Gripping the strap of her bag, she began to run.
She had long, dancer's legs and a slim build. The sturdy walking shoes
Margaret had ordered her to buy slapped pavement on her race to the ferry dock.
Her bag bounced heavily against her hip. Inside was everything ordered from the
Civilized Adventure directive and a great deal more.
The wind kicked in from the sea and sent her short blond hair into alarmed
spikes around her sharp-boned face. The alarm was in her eyes, gray as the clouds,
as well. It turned quickly to despair and self-disgust when she reached the
dock and saw the ferry chugging away.
"Damn it!" Allena grabbed her own hair and pulled viciously.
"That's it and that's all. I might as well jump in and drown myself."
Which would be more pleasant, she had no doubt, than the icy lecture Margaret
would deliver.
She'd be fired, of course, there was no doubt of it. But she was used to
that little by-product of her professional endeavors. The method of termination
would be torture.
Unless… There had to be another way to get to the island. If she could
get there, throw herself on Margaret's stingy supply of mercy, work like a dog,
forfeit her salary. Make an excuse. Surely she'd be able to come up with some
reason for missing the damn ferry.
She looked around frantically. There were boats, and if there were boats,
there were people who drove boats. She'd hire a boat, pay whatever it cost.
"Are you lost, then?"
Startled, she lifted a hand, closed it tight over her pendant. There was a
young man—hardly more than a boy, really, she noted—standing beside
a small white boat. He wore a cap over his straw-colored hair and watched her
out of laughing green eyes.
"No, not lost, late. I was supposed to be on the ferry." She
gestured, then let her arms fall. "I lost track of time."
"Well, time's not such a matter in the scheme of things."
"It is to my sister. I work for her." Quickly now, she headed down
toward him where the sea lapped the shore. "Is this your boat, or your
father's?"
"Aye, it happens it's mine."
It was small, but to her inexperienced eye looked cheerful. She had to hope
that made it seaworthy. "Could you take me over? I need to catch up. I'll
pay whatever you need."
It was just that sort of statement, Allena thought the minute the words left
her mouth, that would make Margaret cringe. But then bargaining wasn't a
priority at the moment. Survival was.
"I'll take you where you need to be." His eyes sparkled as he held
out a hand. "For ten pounds."
"Today everything's ten pounds." She reached for her purse, but he
shook his head.
"It was your hand I was reaching for, lady, not payment. Payment comes
when you get where you're going."
"Oh, thanks." She put her hand in his and let him help her into
the boat.
She sat starboard on a little bench while he cast off. Closing her eyes with
relief, she listened to the boy whistle as he went about settling to stern and
starting the motor. "I'm very grateful," she began. "My sister's
going to be furious with me. I don't know what I was thinking of."
He turned the boat, a slow and smooth motion. "And couldn't she have
waited just a bit?"
"Margaret?" The thought made Allena smile. "It wouldn't have
occurred to her."
The bow lifted, and the little boat picked up speed. "It would have
occurred to you,'' he said, and then they were skimming over the water.
Thrilled, she turned her face to the wind. Oh, this was better, much better,
than any tame ferry ride, lecture included. It was almost worth the price she
would pay at the end, and she didn't mean the pounds.
"Do you fish?" she called out to him.
"When they're biting."
"It must be wonderful to do what you want, when you want. And to live
so near the water. Do you love it?"
"I've a fondness for it, yes. Men put restrictions on men. That's an
odd thing to my way of thinking."
"I have a terrible time with restrictions. I can never remember
them." The boat leaped, bounced hard and made her laugh. "At this
rate, we'll beat the ferry."
The idea of that, the image of her standing on shore and giving Margaret a
smug look when the ferry docked, entertained Allena so much she didn't give a
thought to the shiver of lightning overhead or the sudden, ominous roar of the
sea.
When the rain began to pelt her, she looked around again, shocked that she
could see nothing but water, the rise and fall of it, the curtain that closed
off light.
"Oh, she won't like this a bit. Are we nearly there?"
"Nearly, aye, nearly." His voice was a kind of crooning that
smoothed nerves before they could fray. "Do you see there, through the
storm? There, just ahead, is where you need to be."
She turned. Through the rain and wind, she saw the darker shadow of land, a
rise of hills, the dip of valley in shapes only. But she knew, she already
knew.
"It's beautiful," she murmured.
Like smoke, it drifted closer. She could see the crash of surf now and the
cliffs that hulked high above. Then in the flash of lightning, she thought,
just for an instant, she saw a man.
Before she could speak, the boat was rocking in the surf, and the boy
leaping out into the thrashing water to pull them to shore.
"I can't thank you enough, really." Drenched, euphoric, she
climbed out onto the wet sand. "You'll wait for the storm to pass, won't
you?" she asked as she dug for her wallet.
"I'll wait until it's time to go. You'll find your way, lady. Through
the rain. The path's there."
"Thanks." She passed the note into his hand. She'd go to the
visitors' center, take shelter, find Margaret and do penance. "If you come
up with me, I'll buy you some tea. You can dry off."
"Oh, I'm used to the wet. Someone's waiting for you," he said,
then climbed back into his boat.
"Yes, of course." She started to run, then stopped. She hadn't
even asked his name. "I'm sorry, but—" When she rushed back,
there was nothing there but the crash of water against the shore.
Alarmed that he'd sailed back into that rising storm, she called out, began
to hurry along what she could see of the shore to try to find him. Lightning
flashed overhead, more vicious than exciting now, and the wind slapped at her
like a furious hand.
Hunching against it, she jogged up the rise, onto a path. She'd get to
shelter, tell someone about the boy. What had she been thinking of, not
insisting that he come with her and wait until the weather cleared?
She stumbled, fell, jarring her bones with the impact, panting to catch her
breath as the world went suddenly mad around her. Everything was howling wind,
blasting lights, booming thunder. She struggled to her feet and pushed on.
It wasn't fear she felt, and that baffled her. She should be terrified. Why
instead was she exhilarated? Where did this wicked thrill of anticipation,
of
knowledge, come from?
She had to keep going. There was something, someone, waiting. If she could
just keep going.
The way was steep, the rain blinding. Somewhere along the way she lost her
bag, but didn't notice.
In the next flash of light, she saw it. The circle of stones, rising out of
the rough ground like dancers trapped in time. In her head, or perhaps her
heart, she heard the song buried inside them.
With something like joy, she rushed forward, her hand around the pendant.
The song rose, like a crescendo, filling her, washing over her like a wave.
And as she reached the circle, took her first step inside, lightning struck
the center, the bolt as clear and well defined as a flaming arrow. She watched
the blue fire rise in a tower, higher, higher still, until it seemed to pierce
the low-hanging clouds. She felt the iced heat of it on her skin, in her bones.
The power of it hammered her heart.
And she fainted.
Chapter 2
The storm made him restless. Part of the tempest seemed to be inside him,
churning, crashing, waiting to strike out. He couldn't work. His concentration
was fractured. He had no desire to read, to putter, to simply be. And all of
those things were why he had come back to the island.
Or so he told himself.
His family had held the land, worked it, guarded it, for generations. The
O'Neils of Dolman had planted their seed here, spilled their blood and the
blood of their enemies for as far back as time was marked. And further still,
back into the murky time that was told only in songs.
Leaving here, going to Dublin to study, and to work, had been Conal's
rebellion, his escape from what others so blithely accepted as his fate. He
would not, as he'd told his father, be the passive pawn in the chess game of
his own destiny.
He would make his destiny.
And yet, here he was, in the cottage where the O'Neils had lived and died,
where his own father had passed the last day of his life only months before.
Telling himself it had been his choice didn't seem quite so certain on a day
where the wind lashed and screamed and the same violence of nature seemed to
thrash inside him.
The dog, Hugh, which had been his father's companion for the last year of
his life, paced from window to window, ears pricked up and a low sound rumbling
in his throat, more whimper than growl.
Whatever was brewing, the dog sensed it as well, so that his big gray bulk
streamed through the cottage like blown smoke. Conal gave a soft command in
Gaelic, and Hugh came over, bumping his big head under Conal's big hand.
There they stood, watching the storm together, the large gray dog and the
tall, broad-shouldered man, each with a wary expression. Conal felt the dog
shudder. Nerves or anticipation? Something, all Conal could think, was out
there in the storm.
Waiting.
"The hell with it. Let's see what it is."
Even as he spoke, the dog leaped toward the door, prancing with impatience
as Conal tugged a long black slicker off the peg. He swirled it on over rough
boots and rougher jeans and a black sweater that had seen too many washings.
When he opened the door, the dog shot out, straight into the jaws of the
gale. "Hugh!
Cuir uait!"
And though the dog did stop, skidding in the wet, he didn't bound back to
Conal's side. Instead he stood, ears still pricked, despite the pounding rain,
as if to say
hurry!
Cursing under his breath, Conal picked up his own pace, and let the dog take
the lead.
His black hair, nearly shoulder-length and heavy now with rain, streamed
back in the wind from a sharply-honed face. He had the high, long cheekbones of
the Celts, a narrow, almost aristocratic nose, and a well-defined mouth that
could look, as it did now, hard as granite. His eyes were a deep and passionate
blue.
His mother had said they were eyes that saw too much, and still looked for
more.
Now they peered through the rain, and down, as Hugh climbed, at the
turbulent toss of the sea. With the storm, the day was almost black as night,
and he cursed again at his own foolishness in being out in it.
He lost sight of Hugh around a turn on the cliff path. More irritated than
alarmed, he called the dog again, but all that answered was the low-throated,
urgent bark. Perfect, was all Conal could think. Now the both of us will likely
slip off the edge and bash our brains on the rocks.
He almost turned away, at that point very nearly retreated, for the dog was
surefooted and knew his way home. But he wanted to go on—too much wanted
to go on. As if something was tugging him forward, luring him on, higher and
higher still, to where the shadow of the stone dance stood, singing through the
wind.
Because part of him believed it, part of him he had never been able to fully
quiet, he deliberately turned away. He would go home, build up the fire, and
have a glass of whiskey in front of it until the storm blew itself out.
Then the howl came, a wild and primitive call that spoke of wolves and eerie
moonlight. The shudder that ran down Conal's spine was as primal as the call.
Grimly now, he continued up the path to see what caused young Hugh to bay.
The stones rose, gleaming with wet, haloed by the lightning strikes so that
they almost seemed to glow. A scent came to him, ozone and perfume. Hot, sweet,
and seductive.
The dog sat, his handsome head thrown back, his great throat rippling with
his feral call. There was something in it, Conal thought, that was somehow
triumphant.
"The stones don't need guarding," Conal muttered. He strode
forward, intending to grab the dog by the collar and drag them both back to the
warmth of the cottage.
And saw that it wasn't the stones Hugh guarded, but the woman who lay
between them.
Half in and half out of the circle, with one arm stretched toward the
center, she lay on her side almost as if sleeping. For a moment he thought he
imagined her, and wanted to believe he did. But when he reached her side, his
fingers instinctively going to her throat to check her pulse, he felt the warm
beat of life.
At his touch her lashes fluttered. Her eyes opened. They were gray as the
stones and met his with a sudden and impossible awareness. A smile curved her
lips, parted them as she lifted a hand to his cheek.
"There you are," she said, and with a sigh closed her eyes again.
Her hand slid away from his cheek to fall onto the rain-trampled grass.
Delirious, he told himself, and most likely a lunatic. Who else would climb
the cliffs in a storm? Ignoring the fact that he'd done so himself, he turned
her over, seeing no choice but to cart her back to the cottage.
And when he started to gather her into his arms, he saw the pendant, saw the
carving on it in another spit of lightning.
His belly pitched. His heart gave one violent knock against his chest, like
an angry fist.
"Damn it."
He stayed crouched as he was, closing his eyes while the rain battered both
of them.
She woke slowly, as if floating lazily through layers of thin, white clouds.
A feeling of well-being cushioned her, like satin pillows edged with the
softest of lace. Savoring it, she lay still while sunlight played on her
eyelids, cruised warm over her face. She could smell smoke, a pleasant, earthy
scent, and another fragrance, a bit darker, that was man.
She enjoyed that mix, and when she opened her eyes, her first thought was
she'd never been happier in her life.
It lasted seconds only, that sensation of joy and safety, of contentment and
place. Then she shot up in bed, confused, alarmed, lost.
Margaret! She'd missed the ferry. The boat. The boy in the boat. And
the storm. She'd gotten caught in it and had lost her way. She couldn't quite
remember, couldn't quite separate the blurry images.
Stones, higher than a man and ringed in a circle. The blue fire that burned
in the center without scorching the grass. The wild scream of the wind. The low
hum of the stones.
A wolf howling. Then a man. Tall, dark, fierce, with eyes as blue as that
impossible fire. Such anger in his face. But it hadn't frightened her. It had
amused her. How strange.
Dreams, of course. Just dreams. She'd been in some sort of accident.
Now she was in someone's house, someone's bed. A simple room, she thought,
looking around to orient herself. No, not simple, she corrected, spartan. Plain
white walls, bare wood floor, no curtains at the window. There was a dresser, a
table and lamp and the bed. As far as she could tell, there was nothing else in
the room but herself.
Gingerly now, she touched her head to see if there were bumps or cuts, but
found nothing to worry her. Using the same caution, she turned back the sheet,
let out a little sigh of relief. Whatever sort of accident there'd been, it
didn't appear to have hurt her.
Then she gaped, realizing she wore nothing but a shirt, and it wasn't her
own. A man's shirt, faded blue cotton, frayed at the cuffs. And huge.
Okay, that was okay. She'd been caught in the storm. Obviously she had
gotten soaked. She had to be grateful that someone had taken care of her.
When she climbed out of bed, the shirt hung halfway to her knees. Modest
enough. At her first step, the dog came to the door. Her heart gave a little
hitch, then settled.
"So at least you're real. Aren't you handsome?" She held out a
hand and had the pleasure of him coming to her to rub his body against her
legs. "And friendly. Good to know. Where's everyone else?"
With one hand on the dog's head, she walked to the bedroom door and
discovered a living area that was every bit as spartan. A couch and chair, a
low burning fire, a couple of tables. With some relief she saw her clothes laid
over a screen in front of the fire.
A check found them still damp. So, she hadn't been
asleep—unconscious—for long. The practical thing to do, now that
she'd apparently done everything impractical, was to find her rescuer, thank
him, wait for her clothes to dry, then track down Margaret and beg for mercy.
The last part would be unpleasant, and probably fruitless, but it had to be
done.
Bolstering herself for the task, Allena went to the door, opened it. And let
out a soft cry of sheer delight.
The watery sunlight shimmered over the hills, and the hills rolled up green
in one direction, tumbled down in the other toward the rock-strewn shore. The
sea reared and crashed, the walls of waves high and wonderful. She had an urge
to rush out, to the edge of the slope, and watch the water rage.
Just outside the cottage was a garden gone wild so that flowers tangled with
weeds and tumbled over themselves. The smell of them, of the air, of the sea
had her gulping in air, holding her breath as if to keep that single sharp
taste inside her forever.
Unable to resist, she stepped out, the dog beside her, and lifted her face
to the sky.
Oh, this place! Was there ever a more perfect spot? If it were hers, she
would stand here every morning and thank God for it.
Beside her, the dog let out one quiet woof, at which she rested her hand on
his head again and glanced over at the little building, with its rough stone,
thatched roof, wide-open windows.
She started to smile, then the door of it opened. The man who came out
stopped as she did, stared as she did. Then with his mourn hard set, he started
forward.
His face swam in front of her. The crash of the sea filled her head with
roaring. Dizzy, she held out a hand to him, much as she had to the dog.
She saw his mouth move, thought she heard him swear, but she was already
pitching forward into the dark.
Chapter 3
She looked like a faerie, standing there in a wavery sunbeam. Tall and
slender, her bright hair cropped short, her eyes long-lidded, tilted at the
tips, and enormous.
Not a beauty. Her face was too sharp for true beauty, and her mouth a bit
top-heavy. But it was an intriguing face, even in rest.
He'd thought about it even after he'd dumped her in bed after carrying her
in from the storm. Undressing her had been an annoying necessity, which he'd
handled with the aloof detachment of a doctor. Then, once she was dry and
settled, he'd left her, without a backward glance, to burn off some of the
anger in work.
He worked very well in a temper.
He didn't want her here. He didn't want her. And, he told himself, he
wouldn't have her, no matter what the fates decreed.
He was his own man.
But now when he came out, saw her standing in the doorway, in the sunlight,
he felt the shock of it sweep through him—longing, possession,
recognition, delight, and despair. All of those in one hard wave rose inside
him, swamped him.
Before he could gain his feet, she was swaying.
He didn't manage to catch her. Oh, in the storybooks, he imagined, his feet
would have grown wings and he'd have flown across the yard to pluck her nimbly
into his arms before she swooned. But as it was, she slid to the ground, melted
wax pooling into the cup and taking all the candle as well, before he'd closed
half the distance.
By the time he reached her, those long gray eyes were already opening again,
cloudy and dazed. She stared at him, the corners of her mouth trembling up.
"I guess I'm not steady yet," she said in that pretty American
voice. "I know it's a cliché and predictable, but I have to say
it—where am I?''
She looked ridiculously appealing, lying there between the flowers, and made
him all too aware she wore nothing but one of his shirts. "You're on
O'Neil land."
"I got lost—a bad habit of mine. The storm came up so fast."
"Why are you here?"
"Oh, I got separated from the group. Well, I was late—another bad
habit—and missed the ferry. But the boy brought me in his boat." She
sat up then. "I hope he's all right. He must be, as he seemed to know what
he was doing and it was such a quick trip anyway. Is the visitors' center
far?"
"The visitors' center?"
"I should be able to catch up with them, though it won't do me a lot of
good. Margaret'll fire me, and I deserve it."
"And who is Margaret?"
"My stepsister. She owns A Civilized Adventure. I'm working for
her—or I did work for her for the last twenty-three days." She let
out a breath, tried the smile again. "I'm sorry. I'm Allena Kennedy, the
moron. Thank you for helping me."
He glanced down at the hand she held out, then with some reluctance took it.
Instead of shaking it, he pulled her to her feet. "I've a feeling you're
more lost than you know, Miss Kennedy, as there's no visitors' center here on
Dolman Island."
"Dolman? But that's not right." The hand in his flexed, balled
into a little fist of nerves. "I'm not supposed to be on Dolman Island.
Oh, damn it. Damn it! It's my fault. I wasn't specific with the boy. He seemed
to know where I was going, was supposed to be going. Or maybe he got turned
around in the storm, too. I hope he's all right."
She paused, looked around, sighed. "Not just fired," she murmured.
"Disinherited, banished, and mortified all in one morning. I guess all I
can do is go back to the hotel and wait to face the music."
"Well, it won't be today."
"Excuse me?"
Conal looked out to sea, studying the crashing wall of waves. "You
won't find your way back today, and likely not tomorrow, as there's more coming
our way."
"But—" She was talking to his back as he walked inside as
though he hadn't just sealed her doom. "I have to get back. She'll be
worried."
"There'll be no ferry service in these seas, and no boatman with a
brain in his head would chance the trip back to the mainland."
She sat on the arm of a chair, closed her eyes. "Well, that caps it. Is
there a phone? Could I use your phone to call the hotel and leave a
message?"
"The phones are out."
"Of course they are." She watched him go to the fire to add some
bricks of turf. Her clothes hung on the screen like a recrimination. "Mr.
O'Neil?"
"Conal." He straightened, turned to her. "All the women I
undress and put into bed call me Conal."
It was a test, deliberately provocative. But she didn't flush or fire.
Instead her eyes lit with humor. "All the men who undress me and put me
into bed call me Lena."
"I prefer Allena."
"Really? So do I, but it seems to be too many syllables for most
people. Anyway, Conal, is there a hotel or a bed-and-breakfast where I can stay
until the ferry's running again?"
"There's no hotel on Dolman. It's a rare tourist who comes this far.
And the nearest village, of which there are but three, is more than eight
kilometers away."
She gave him a level look. "Am I staying here?"
"Apparently."
She nodded, rubbing her hand absently over Hugh's broad back as she took
stock of her surroundings. "I appreciate it, and I'll try not to be a
nuisance."
"It's a bit late for that, but we'll deal with it." When her only
response was to lift her eyebrows and stare steadily, he felt a tug of shame.
"Can you make a proper pot of tea?"
"Yes."
He gestured toward the kitchen that was separated from the living area by a
short counter. "The makings are in there. I've a few things to see to,
then we'll talk this out over a cup."
"Fine." The word was rigidly and properly polite. Only the single
gunshot bang of a cupboard door as he started out again told him she was
miffed.
She'd make the damn tea, she thought, jerking the faucet on to fill the
kettle, which was no easy matter since the cast-iron sink was loaded with
dishes. And she'd be grateful for Conal O'Neil's hospitality, however
reluctantly, however
rudely given.
Was it her fault she'd ended up on the wrong island? Was it her fault she'd
gotten turned around in a storm and passed out and had to be carted back to his
house? Was it her fault she had nowhere else to go?
Well, yes. She rolled her eyes and began to empty the dishes out of the sink
so that she could fill it with soapy water and wash them. Yes, technically it
was
her fault. Which just made it all the more annoying.
When she got back to New York she would be jobless. Again. And once more
she'd be the object of pity, puzzlement, and pursed lips. And that was her
fault, too. Her family expected her to fail now—flighty, scatterbrained
Lena.
Worse, she realized, was that she expected it, too.
The problem was she wasn't particularly good at anything. She had no real
skill, no craft, and no driving ambitions.
She wasn't lazy, though she knew Margaret would disagree. Work didn't
frighten her. Business did.
But that was tomorrow's problem, she reminded herself as she dealt with the
dishes and waited for the kettle to boil. Today's problem was Conal O'Neil and
how to handle the situation she'd put them both into.
A situation, she thought, as she went about stacking dishes, wiping
counters, heating the teapot, that should have been thrilling. A storm-swept
island; a handsome, brooding man; a cozy, if rustic, cottage isolated from the
world.
This, she decided, perking up, was an adventure. She was going to find a way
to enjoy it before the axe fell.
When Conal came back in, the old teapot was sitting snugly in a frayed and
faded cozy. Cups and saucers were set on the table, and the table scrubbed
clean. The sink was empty, the counters sparkling, and the chocolate biscuits
he'd had in a tin were arranged prettily on a plate.
"I was hungry." She was already nibbling on one. "I hope you
don't mind."
"No." He'd nearly forgotten what it was like to sit down and have
tea in tidiness. Her little temper snap appeared to be over as well, he noted.
She looked quietly at home in his kitchen, in his shirt.
"So." She sat down to pour. The one thing she was good at was
conversation. She'd often been told she was too good at it. "You live here
alone?"
"I do."
"With your dog."
"Hugh. He was my father's. My father died some months back."
She didn't say she was sorry, as so many—too many—would have.
But her eyes said it, and that made it matter more. "It's a beautiful
spot. A perfect spot. That's what I was thinking before I fell into your
garden. You grew up here?"
"I did."
"I grew up in New York, in the city. It never fit, somehow." She
studied him over her teacup. "This fits you. It's wonderful to find the
right fit. Everyone in my family fits except me. My parents and Margaret and
James—my brother and sister. Their mother died when Margaret was twelve
and James ten. Their father met my mother a couple of years later, then they
married and had me."
"And you're Cinderella?"
"No, nothing as romantic as that." But she sighed and thought how
lovely it would be. "Just the misfit. They're all brilliant, you see.
Every one of them. My father's a doctor, a surgeon. My mother's a lawyer. James
is a wildly successful cosmetic surgeon, and Margaret has her own business with
A Civilized Adventure."
"Who would want an adventure civilized?"
"Yes." Delighted, Allena slapped a palm on the table. "That's
exactly what I thought. I mean, wouldn't regimenting it mean it wasn't an
adventure at all? But saying that to Margaret earned me a twenty-minute
lecture, and since her business is thriving, there you go."
The light was already shifting, he noted, as a new sea of clouds washed in.
But there was enough of the sun yet to sprinkle over her hair, into her eyes.
And make his fingers itch for a pencil.
He knew just what he would do with her, exactly how it would be. Planning
it, he let his gaze wander over her. And nearly jolted when he saw the pendant.
He'd all but forgotten it.
"Where did you get that?"
She'd seen those vivid blue eyes travel down, had felt a shiver of response,
and now another of relief that—she hoped—it was the pendant that
interested him.
"This? It's the heart of my problem."
She'd meant it as a joke, but his gaze returned to her face, all but seared
the flesh with the heat of it. "Where did you get it?"
Though the edge to his voice puzzled her, she shrugged. "There was a
little shop near the waterfront. The display window was just crammed with
things. Wonderful things. Magic."
"Magic."
"Elves and dragons, books and jewelry in lovely, fascinating shapes. A
hodgepodge, but a crafty one. Irresistible. I only meant to go in for a minute.
I had time before we were to meet at the ferry. But the old woman showed me
this, and somehow while we were talking, time just went away. I didn't mean to
buy it, either. But I do a lot of things I don't mean to do."
"You don't know what it is?"
"No." She closed her hand over it, felt that low vibration that
couldn't be there, blinked as something tried to slide in on the edge of her
vision. "It feels old, but it can't be old, not valuably old, because it
only cost ten pounds."
"Value's different for one than for another." He reached out. It
was irresistible. With his eyes steady and level he closed his hand over hers
that held the pendant.
The jolt snapped into her, sharp as an electric current. The air seemed to
turn the blue of lightning. She was on her feet, her head tipping back to keep
her eyes locked with his as he shoved back from the table with enough violence
to send his chair crashing.
That same violence was in him when his mouth crushed hers. The need, so
bright, so strong, so right, whipped through her even as the wind rushed sudden
and sharp through the window at her back. Her hand fisted in his hair, her body
lifted itself to his.
And fit.
The pounding of her heart was like a song, each note a thrill. Here, with
him, it was enough, even if the world crumbled to dust around them.
He couldn't stop. The taste of her was like water, cool and clean, after a
lifetime of thirst. Empty pockets he hadn't known he carried inside him filled,
bulged, overflowed. His blood was a rage of heat, his body weak with wanting.
He gathered the back of the shirt in his bunched fingers, prepared to rip.
Then they dropped the pendant they held between them to reach for each
other. And he snapped back as if from a blow.
"This is not what I want." He took her shoulders, intending to
shake her, but only held her. She looked dazed. Faerie-struck. "This is
not what I'll accept."
"Would you let me go?" Her voice was low, but it didn't quaver.
When he did, and stepped back, she let out a short, quiet breath. There was no
point in being a coward, she told herself.
"I have a couple of choices here," she began. "One is I hit
my head when I fell and I have a concussion. The other is that I just fell in
love with you. I think I prefer the concussion theory, and I imagine you do,
too."
"You didn't hit your head." He jammed his hands in his pockets and
strode away from her. The room was suddenly too small. "And people don't
fall in love in an instant, over one kiss."
"Sensible ones don't. I'm not sensible. Ask anyone." But if there
was ever a time to try to be, it was now.
"I think I should get dressed, take a walk, clear my head or
whatever."
"Another's storm's brewing."
Allena tugged her clothes off the screen. "You're telling me," she
muttered and marched into the bedroom.
Chapter 4
Conal wasn't in the cottage when she came out again, but Hugh sat by the
fire as if waiting for her. He got up as she came through and pranced to the
door, turning his big head so that his eyes met hers.
"Want a walk? Me, too."
It was a pity about the gardens, Allena thought as she paused between them.
She'd
have enjoyed getting down into them, yanking out those choking
weeds, pinching off deadheads. An hour's pleasant work, she thought, maybe two,
and instead of looking wild and neglected, those tumbling blossoms would just
look wild. Which is what was needed here.
Not her job, she told herself, not her home, not her place. She cast an eye
at the little outbuilding. He was probably in there doing… whatever the
hell he did. And doing it, she imagined, angrily.
Why was there so much anger in him?
Not her problem, she thought, not her business, not her man.
Though for a moment, when their hands and mouths were joined, he had seemed
to be.
I don't want this. I don't want you.
He'd made himself very clear. And she was tired of finding herself plopped
down where she wasn't wanted.
The wind raced in off the sea, driving thick black-edged clouds toward the
island. As she began to walk, she could see the pale and hopeful blue being
gradually, inevitably consumed.
Conal was right. A storm was coming.
Walking along the shoreline couldn't do any harm. She wouldn't climb the
hills, though she longed to. She would just stick to the long curve of surf and
sand and enjoy the jittery thrill of watching the fierce waves crash.
Hugh seemed content to walk at her side. Almost, she thought, like a guard.
Eight kilometers to the nearest village, she remembered. That wasn't so very
far. She could wait for the weather to clear, then walk it if Conal wouldn't
drive her. There'd been a truck parked between the cottage and the outbuilding,
a sleek and modern thing, anachronistic but surely serviceable.
Why had he kissed her like that?
No, that wasn't right. It hadn't been his doing. It had simply happened, to
both of them. For both of them. There'd been a roar in her head, in her blood,
that she'd never experienced before. More than passion, she thought now, more
than lust. It was a kind of desperate recognition.
There you are. Finally. At last.
That, of course, was ridiculous, but she had no other way to explain what
had spurted to life inside her. And what had spread from that first hot gush
felt like love.
You couldn't love what you didn't know. You couldn't love where there was no
understanding, no foundation, no history. Her head told her all these sensible,
rational things. And her heart laughed at them.
It didn't matter. She could be conflicted, puzzled, annoyed, even willing to
accept. But it didn't matter when he didn't want her or what had flamed to life
between them.
She stopped, let the wind beat its frantic wings over her, let the spray from
the waves fly on her. Overhead a gull, white as the moon, let out its
triumphant scream and streamed off in the current of electric air.
Oh, she envied that freedom, for the heart of flight was inside her. To
simply fly away, wherever the wind took her. And to know that when she landed,
it would be her place, her time, her triumph.
But you have to live in the present, don't you, Lena? Her mother's
patient and puzzled voice murmured in her ear.
You have to apply yourself,
to pay attention. You can't keep drifting this way and make something of
yourself. It's time you focused on a career, put your considerable energy into
making your mark.
And under that voice, unsaid, was
You disappoint me.
"I know it. I'm sorry. It's awful. I wish I could tell you how awful it
is to know I'm your only failure."
She would do better, Allena promised herself. She'd talk Margaret into
giving her a second chance. Somehow. Then she'd work harder, pay more
attention, be responsible, be practical.
Be miserable.
The dog bumped his head against her leg, rubbed his warm fur against her.
The small gesture comforted her and turning away from the water, she continued
to walk along its verge.
She'd come out to clear her head, she reminded herself, not to fill it with
more problems. Surely there couldn't be a more perfect spot for easing heart
and mind. Under those threatening skies, the rough hills shone, the wicked
cliffs gleamed. Wildflowers, dots and splashes of color, tangled in the green
and gray, and she saw a shadowy spread of purple that was heather.
She wanted to gather it, fill her arms with it, bury her face in the scent.
Delighted with the idea, she turned to scramble over rocks where sprigs of it
thrived in the thin soil, then higher to mounds bumpy and thick until the
fragrance of it overpowered even the primitive perfume of the sea.
When her arms were full, she wanted more. Laughing, she hurried along a
narrow path. Then stopped dead. Startled, she shook her head. She heard the
oddest hum. She started to step forward again, and couldn't. Simply couldn't.
It was as if a wall of glass stood between her and the next slope of rock and
flowers.
"My God, what is this?"
She lifted a trembling hand, sending sprigs of heather falling, then flying
free in the wind. She felt no barrier, but only a kind of heat when her hand
pressed the air. And try as she might, she couldn't push through it.
Lightning burst. Thunder rolled. Through it, she heard the sound of her
name. She looked down to the beach, half expecting to see dragons or sorcerers.
But it was only Conal, standing with his legs spread, his hair flying, and his
eyes annoyed.
"Come down from there. You've no business clambering up the rocks when
a storm's breaking."
What a picture she made. He'd come after her out of responsibility, he liked
to think. But he'd been dumbstruck when he'd seen her walking the cliff path in
the eerie light, her hair fluttering, her arms overflowing with flowers. It
made him want to climb after her, to whirl her and her flowers into his arms,
to press his mouth to hers again while the wind whipped savagely over them.
Because he wanted it, could all but taste her, his tone was blade-sharp when
she met him on the beach. "Have you no more sense than to pick flowers in
such weather?"
"Apparently not. Would you walk down there?"
"What?"
"Just humor me, and walk down the beach five more feet."
"Maybe you did rattle your brains." He started to grab her hand,
pull her away, but she took a nimble step aside.
"Please. It'll only take you a minute."
He hissed out an oath, then strode off, one foot, two, three. His abrupt
halt had Allena closing her eyes, shivering once. "You can't do it, can
you? You can't go any farther than that. Neither could I." She opened her
eyes again, met his furious ones when he turned. "What does it mean?"
"It means we deal with it. We'll go back. I've no desire to find myself
drenched to the skin a second time in one day."
He said nothing on the way back, and she let him have his silence. The first
fat drops of rain splattered as they reached the cottage door.
"Do you have anything to put these in?" she asked him.
"They'll need water, and I'd like to keep my hands busy while you explain
things to me."
He shrugged, made a vague gesture toward the kitchen, then went to add more
turf to the fire.
It was a downpour. The wind rose to a howl, and she began to gather vases
and bottles and bowls. When he remained silent, scowling into the fire, she
heated up the tea.
He glanced over when she poured the cups, then went into the kitchen himself
to take out a bottle of whiskey. A healthy dollop went into his own tea, then
he lifted a brow, holding the bottle over hers.
"Well, why not?"
But when it was laced, she picked up the flowers instead of the cup and
began to tuck them into vases. "What is this place? Who are you?"
"I've told you that already."
"You gave me names." The homey task calmed her, as she'd known it
would. When her gaze lifted to his again, it was direct and patient.
"That's not what I meant."
He studied her, then nodded. Whether she could handle it or not, she
deserved to know. "Do you know how far out in the sea you are?"
"A mile, two?"
"More than ten."
"Ten? But it couldn't have taken more than twenty minutes to get
here—and in rough weather."
"More than ten miles out is Dolman Island from the southwest coast of
Ireland. Here we straddle the Atlantic and Celtic Seas. Some say the silkies
come here, to shed their hides and sun on the rocks in human form. And the
faeries come out of their rafts under the hills to dance in the
moonlight."
Allena slipped the stems of shorter blossoms into a squat bottle. "Do
you say it?"
"Some say," he continued without answering, "that my
great-grandmother left her raft, her palace under the hill, and pledged herself
to my great-grandfather on the night of the summer solstice while they stood by
the king stone of the dance on the cliffs. One hundred years ago. As a hundred
years before, another with my blood stood with his woman in that same place to
pledge. And a century before that as well, and always on that same night in
that same place when the star shows itself."
She touched her pendant. "This star?"
"They say."
"And in two days it's the solstice, and your turn?"
"If I believed my great-grandmother was other than a simple woman, that
I have elfin blood in my veins and could be directed to pledge to a woman
because of the way a star shines through the stones, I wouldn't be in this
place."
"I see." She nodded and carried one of the vases into the living
room to set it on a table. "So you're here to prove that everything you've
just told me is nonsense."
"Can you believe otherwise?"
She had no idea what she believed, but had a feeling there was a great deal,
a very great deal, that she
could believe. "Why couldn't I walk
away from here, Conal? Why couldn't you?"
She left the question hanging, walked back into the kitchen. She took a sip
of her tea, felt the hot flow of whiskey slide into her, then began to select
her other arrangements and put them where she liked. "It would be hard for
you, being told this story since you were a child, being expected to accept
it."
"Can you accept it?" he demanded. "Can you just shrug off
education and reason and accept that you're to belong to me because a legend
says so?"
"I would've said no." Pleasing herself, she set bottles of heather
on the narrow stone mantel over the simmering fire. "I would have been
intrigued, amused, maybe a little thrilled at the idea of it all. Then I would
have laughed it off. I would have," she said as she turned to face him.
"Until I kissed you and felt what I felt inside me, and inside you."
"Desire's an easy thing."
"That's right, and if that had been it, if that had been all, we'd both
have acted on it. If that had been all, you wouldn't be angry now, with
yourself and with me."
"You're awfully bloody calm about it."
"I know." She smiled then, couldn't help herself. "Isn't that
odd? But then, I'm odd. Everyone says so. Lena, the duck out of water, the
square peg, the fumbler always just off center. But I don't feel odd or out of
place here. So it's easier for me to be calm."
Nor did she look out of place, he thought, wandering through the cottage
placing her flowers. "I don't believe in magic."
"And I've looked for it all my life." She took a sprig of heather,
held it out to him. "So, I'll make you a promise."
"You don't owe me promises. You don't owe me anything."
"It's free. I won't hold you with legends or magic. When I can leave,
if that's what you want, I'll go."
"Why?"
"I'm in love with you, and love doesn't cling."
Humbled, he took the heather, slipped it into her hair. "Allena, it
takes clear eyes to recognize what's in the heart so easily. I don't have them.
I'll hurt you." He skimmed his fingers down her cheek. "And I find
I'd rather not."
"I'm fairly sturdy. I've never been in love before, Conal, and I might
be terrible at it. But right now it suits me, and that's enough."
He refused to believe anything could be so simple. "I'm drawn to you. I
want my hands on you. I want you under me. If that's all, it might not be
enough for you, or for me in the end. So it's best to stand back."
He walked to the peg, tugged down his slicker. "I need to work,"
he said, and went out into the rain.
It would be more than she'd had, she realized, and knew that if necessary,
she could make it enough.
The storm was only a grumble when he came back. Evening was falling, soft
and misty. The first thing he noticed when he stepped inside, was the scent.
Something hot and rich that reminded his stomach it was empty.
Then he noticed the little changes in the living room. Just a few subtle
touches: a table shifted, cushions smoothed. He wouldn't have noticed the dust,
but he noticed the absence of it, and the faint tang of polish.
She'd kept the fire going, and the light, mixed with that of the candles
she'd found and set about, was welcoming. She'd put music on as well and was
humming along to it as she worked in the kitchen.
Even as he hung up his slicker, the tension he'd carried through his work
simply slid off his shoulders.
"I made some soup," she called out. "I hunted up some herbs
from the kitchen bed, foraged around in here. You didn't have a lot to work
with, so it's pretty basic."
"It smells fine. I'm grateful."
"Well, we have to eat, don't we?"
"You wouldn't say that so easy if I'd been the one doing the
cooking." She'd already set the table, making the mismatched plates and
bowls look cheerful and clever instead of careless. There were candles there,
too, and one of the bottles of wine he'd brought from Dublin stood breathing on
the counter.
She was making biscuits.
"Allena, you needn't have gone to such trouble."
"Oh, I like puttering around. Cooking's kind of a hobby." She
poured him wine. "Actually, I took lessons. I took a lot of lessons. This
time I thought maybe I'd be a chef or open my own restaurant."
"And?"
"There's a lot more to running a restaurant than cooking. I'm horrible
at business. As for the chef idea, I realized you had to cook pretty much the
same things night after night, and on demand, to suit the menu, you know? So,
it turned into one of my many hobbies." She slipped the biscuits into the
oven. "But at least this one has a practical purpose. So." She dusted
her hands on the dishcloth she'd tucked into her waistband. "I hope you're
hungry."
He flashed a grin that made her heart leap. "I'm next to
starving."
"Good." She set out the dish of cheese and olives she'd put
together. "Then you won't be critical."
Where he would have ladled the soup straight from the kettle, she poured it
into a thick white bowl. Already she'd hunted out the glass dish his mother had
used for butter and that he hadn't seen for years. The biscuits went in a
basket lined with a cloth of blue and white checks. When she started to serve
the soup, he laid a hand over hers.
"I'll do it. Sit."
The scents alone were enough to make him weep in gratitude. The first taste
of herbed broth thick with hunks of vegetables made him close his eyes in
pleasure.
When he opened them again, she was watching him with amused delight. "I
like your hobby," he told her. "I hope you'll feel free to indulge
yourself with it as long as you're here."
She selected a biscuit, studied it. It was so gratifying to see him smile.
"That's very generous of you."
"I've been living on my own poor skills for some months now." His
eyes met hers, held. "You make me realize what I've missed. I'm a moody
man, Allena."
"Really?" Her voice was so mild the insult nearly slipped by him.
But he was quick.
He laughed, shook his head, and spooned up more soup. "It won't be a
quiet couple of days, I'm thinking."
Chapter 5
He slept in his studio. It seemed the wisest course.
He wanted her, and that was a problem. He had no doubt she would have shared
the bed with him, shared herself with him. As much as he would have preferred
that to the chilly and narrow cot crammed into his work space, it didn't seem
fair to take advantage of her romantic notions.
She fancied herself in love with him.
It was baffling, really, to think that a woman could make such a decision,
state it right out, in a fingersnap of time. But then, Allena Kennedy wasn't
like any of the other women who'd passed in and out of his life. A complicated
package, she was, he thought. It would have been easy to dismiss her as a
simple, almost foolish sort. At a first and casual glance.
But Conal wasn't one for casual glances. There were layers to
her—thoughtful, bubbling, passionate, and compassionate layers. Odd,
wasn't it? he mused, that she didn't seem to recognize them in herself.
That lack of awareness added one more layer, and that was sweetness.
Absently, with his eyes still gritty from a restless night, he began to
sketch. Allena Kennedy from New York City, the square peg in what appeared to
be a family of conformists. The woman who had yet to find herself, yet seemed
perfectly content to deal with where she'd landed. A modern woman, certainly,
but one who still accepted tales of magic.
No, more than accepted, he thought now. She embraced them. As if she'd just
been waiting to be told where it was she'd been going all along.
That he wouldn't do, refused to do. All his life he'd been told this day
would come. He wouldn't passively fall in, give up his own will. He had come
back to this place at this time to prove it.
And he could almost hear the fates giggling.
Scowling, he studied what he'd drawn. It was Allena with her long eyes and
sharp bones, the short and shaggy hair that suited that angular face and
slender neck. And at her back, he'd sketched in the hint of faerie wings.
They suited her as well.
It annoyed the hell out of him.
Conal tossed the pad aside. He had work to do, and he'd get to it as soon as
he'd had some tea.
The wind was still up. The morning sun was slipping through the stacked
clouds to dance over the water. The only thunder now was the crash and boom of
waves on the shore. He loved the look of it, that changing and capricious sea.
His years in Dublin hadn't been able to feed this single need in him, for the
water and the sky and the rough and simple land that was his.
However often he left, wherever he went, he would always be drawn back. For
here was heart and soul.
Turning away from the sea, he saw her.
She knelt in the garden, flowers rioting around her and the quiet morning
sun shimmering over her hair. Her face was turned away from him, but he could
see it in his mind. She would have that half-dreaming, contented look in her
eyes as she tugged away the weeds he'd ignored.
Already the flowers looked cheerful, as if pleased with the attention after
weeks of neglect.
There was smoke pluming from the chimney, a broom propped against the front
wall. She'd dug a basket out of God knew where, and in this she tossed the
weeds. Her feet were bare.
Warmth slid into him before he could stop it and murmured
welcome in
his ear.
"You don't have to do that."
She looked up at his voice, and she was indeed happy. "They needed it.
Besides, I love flowers. I have pots of them all over my apartment, but this is
so much better. I've never seen snapdragons so big." She traced a finger
on a spike of butter-yellow blooms. "They always make me think of
Alice."
"Alice?"
"In Wonderland. I've already made tea." She got to her feet, then
winced at the dirt on the knees of her trousers. "I guess I should've been
more careful. It's not like I have a vast wardrobe to choose from at the
moment. So. How do you like your eggs?"
He started to tell her she wasn't obliged to cook his breakfast. But he
remembered just how fine the soup had been the night before. "Scrambled
would be nice, if it's no trouble."
"None, and it's the least I can do for kicking you out of your own
bed." She stepped up to the door, then turned. Her eyes were eloquent, and
patient. "You could have stayed."
"I know it."
She held his gaze another moment, then nodded. "You had some bacon in
your freezer. I took it out last night to thaw. Oh, and your shower dripped. It
just needed a new washer."
He paused at the doorway, remembered, as he hadn't in years, to wipe his
feet. "You fixed the shower?"
"Well, it dripped." She was already walking into the kitchen.
"You probably want to clean up. I'll get breakfast started."
He scratched the back of his neck. "I'm grateful."
She slanted him a look. "So am I."
When he went into the bedroom, she did a quick dance, hugged herself. Oh,
she loved this place. It was a storybook, and she was right in the middle of
it. She'd awakened that morning half believing it had all been a dream. But
then she'd opened her eyes to that misty early light, had smelled the faint
drift of smoke from the dying fire, the tang of heather she'd put beside the
bed.
It was a dream. The most wonderful, the most real dream she'd ever had. And
she was going to keep it.
He didn't want it, didn't want her. But that could change. There were two
days yet to open his heart. How could his stay closed when hers was so full?
Love was nothing like she'd expected it to be.
It was so much more brilliant.
She needed the hope, the faith, that on one of the days left to her he would
wake up and feel what she did.
Love, she discovered, was so huge it filled every space inside with
brightness. There was no room for shadows, for doubts.
She was in love, with the man, with the place, with the promise. It wasn't
just in the rush of an instant, though there was that thrill as well. But
twined with it was a lovely, settled comfort, an ease of being, of knowing. And
that was something she wanted for him.
For once in her life, she vowed, she wouldn't fail. She would not lose.
Closing her eyes, she touched the star that hung between her breasts.
"I'll make it happen," she whispered, then with a happy sigh, she
started breakfast.
He didn't know what to make of it. He couldn't have said just what state the
bathroom had been in before, but he was dead certain it hadn't sparkled. There
may or may not have been fresh towels out the last time he'd seen it. But he
thought not. There hadn't been a bottle of flowers on the windowsill.
The shower had dripped, that he remembered. He'd meant to get to that.
He could be certain that it was a great deal more pleasant to shower and
shave in a room where the porcelain gleamed and the air smelled faintly of
lemon and flowers.
Because of it, he guiltily wiped up after himself and hung the towel to dry
instead of tossing it on the floor.
The bedroom showed her touch as well. The bed was tidily made, the pillows
fluffed up. She'd opened the windows wide to bring in the sun and the breeze.
It made him realize he'd lived entirely too long with dust and dark.
Then he stepped out. She was singing in the kitchen. A pretty voice. And the
scents that wafted to him were those of childhood. Bread toasting, bacon
frying.
There was a rumble he recognized as the washer spinning a load. He could
only shake his head.
"How long have you been up and about?" he asked her.
"I woke up at dawn." She turned to pass him a mug of tea over the
counter. "It was so gorgeous I couldn't get back to sleep. I've been
piddling."
"You've a rare knack for piddling."
"My father calls it nervous energy. Oh, I let Hugh out. He bolted to
the door the minute my feet hit the floor, so I figured that was the
routine."
"He likes to run around in the mornings. Dog piddling, I suppose."
It made her laugh as she scooped his eggs from skillet to plate. "He's
terrific company. I felt very safe and snug with him curled up at the foot of
the bed last night."
"He's deserted me for a pretty face." He sat, then caught her hand.
"Where's yours?"
"I had something earlier. I'll let you eat in peace. My father hates to
be chattered at over breakfast. I'll just hang out the wash."
"I'm not your father. Would you sit? Please." He waited until she
took a seat and for the first time noticed nerves in the way she linked her
fingers together. Now what was that about? "Allena, do you think I expect
you to cater to me this way? Cook and serve and tidy?"
"No, of course not." The lift had gone out of her voice, out of
her eyes. "I've overstepped. I'm always doing that. I didn't think."
"That's not what I meant. Not at all." His eyes were keen, part of
his gift, and they saw how her shoulders had braced, her body tensed.
"What are you doing? Waiting for the lecture?" With a shake of his
head, he began to eat. "They've done what they could, haven't they, to
stifle you? Why is it people are always so desperate to mold another into their
vision, their way? I'm saying only that you're not obliged to cook my meals and
scrub my bath. While you're here you should do what pleases you."
"I guess I have been."
"Fine. You won't hear any complaints from me. I don't know what you've
done with these humble eggs unless it's magic."
She relaxed again. "Thyme and dill, from your very neglected herb bed.
If I had a house, I'd plant herbs, and gardens." Imagining it, she propped
her chin on her fist. "I'd have stepping-stones wandering through it, with
a little bench so you could just stop and sit and look. It would be best if it
was near the water so I could hear the beat of it the way I did last night.
Pounding, like a quickened heart."
She blinked out of the image, found him staring at her. "What? Oh, I
was running on again." She started to get up, but he took her hand a
second time.
"Come with me."
He got to his feet, pulled her to hers. "The dishes—"
"Can wait. This can't."
He'd already started it that morning with the sketch. In his head, it was
all but finished, and the energy of it was driving him, so he strode quickly
out of the house, toward his studio. She had to run to keep up.
"Conal, slow down. I'm not going anywhere."
Ignoring her, he shoved open the door, pulled her in after him. "Stand
by the window."
But she was already moving in, eyes wide and delighted. "You're an
artist. This is wonderful. You sculpt."
The single room was nearly as big as the main area of the cottage. And much
more cramped. A worktable stood in the center, crowded with tools and hunks of
stone, pots of clay. A half dozen sketch pads were tossed around. Shelves and
smaller tables were jammed with examples of his work. Mystical, magical
creatures that danced and flew.
A blue mermaid combed her hair on a rock. A white dragon breathed fire.
Faeries no bigger than her thumb ringed in a circle with faces sly. A sorcerer
nearly as tall as she, held his arms high and wept.
"They're all so alive, so vivid." She couldn't help herself, she
had to touch, and so she ran her finger down the rippling hair of the mermaid.
"I've seen this before," she murmured. "Not quite this, but the
same feeling of it, but in bronze. At a gallery in New York."
She looked over then where he was impatiently flipping through a sketch pad.
"I've seen your work in New York. You must be famous."
His answer was a grunt.
"I wanted to buy it—the mermaid. I was with my mother, and I
couldn't because she'd have reminded me I couldn't afford the price. I went
back the next day, because I couldn't stop thinking about it, but it was
already sold."
"In front of the window, turn to me."
"That was two years ago, and I've thought about her a dozen times
since. Isn't it amazing that she was yours?"
Muttering an oath, he strode to her, pulled her to the window. "Lift
your head, like that. Hold it there. And be quiet."
"Are you going to draw me?"
"No, I'm after building a boat here. Of course I'm drawing you. Now be
quiet for one bloody minute."
She shut her mouth, but couldn't do anything about the grin that trembled on
her lips. And that, he thought, was precisely what he wanted. Just that trace
of humor, of energy, of personal delight.
He would do a clay model, he thought, and cast her in bronze. Something that
gleamed gold and warmed to the touch. She wasn't for stone or wood. He did
three quick studies of her face, moving around her for a change of angle. Then
he lowered his pad.
"I need the line of your body. Your shape. Take off your clothes."
"Excuse me?"
"I have to see how you're made. The clothes are in the way of
you."
"You want me to pose nude?"
With an effort, he brought himself back from his plans, met her eyes.
"If this was a matter of sex, I wouldn't have slept on that rock in the
corner last night. You've my word I won't touch you. But I have to see
you."
"If this was a matter of sex, I wouldn't be so nervous. Okay." She
shut her eyes a minute, bolstered her courage. "I'm like a bowl of
fruit," she told herself and unbuttoned her shirt.
When she slipped it off, folded it, set it aside, Conal lifted a brow.
"No, you're like a woman. If I wanted a bowl of fruit, I'd get one."
Chapter 6
She was slim, leaning toward angular, and exactly right. Eyes narrowed, mind
focused, he flipped up a fresh page and began.
"No, keep your head up," he ordered, faintly irritated that she
should be so exactly right. "Hold your arms back. Just a bit more. Palms
down and flat. No, you're not a flaming penguin, spread your fingers a little.
Ah."
It was then he noticed the faint flush spreading over her skin, the
stiffness in her movements. Moron, he told himself and bit back a sigh. Of
course she was nervous and embarrassed. And he'd done nothing to put her at
ease.
He'd grown too used, he supposed, to professional models who undraped
without a thought. She liked to talk, so he would let her talk.
"Tell me about these lessons of yours."
"What?"
"The lessons. You said you'd taken a number of lessons on this and
that. What was it you studied?"
She pressed her lips together, fought back the foolish urge to cross her
arms over her breasts. "I thought you said I wasn't supposed to
talk."
"Now I'm saying you can."
She heard the exasperation, rolled her eyes. What was she, a mind reader?
"I, ah, took art lessons."
"Did you now? Turn to the right just a bit. And what did you learn from
them?"
"That I'm not an artist." She smiled a little. "I'm told I
have a good eye for color and shapes and aesthetics, but no great skill with
the execution."
Yes, it was better when she talked. Her face became mobile again. Alive
again. "That discouraged you?"
"Not really. I draw now and then when I'm in the mood."
"Another hobby?"
"Oh, I'm loaded with them. Like music. I took music lessons."
Ah, she was relaxing. The doe-in-the-crosshairs look was fading from her
eyes. "What's your instrument?"
"The flute. I'm reasonably adept, but I'm never going to have a chair
with the Philharmonic."
She shrugged, and he bit back a sharp order for her not to change the line.
"I took a course in computer programming, and that was a complete wash.
As most of my business courses were, which scuttled the idea I had of opening a
little craft shop. I could handle the craft part, but not the shop part."
Her gaze was drawn back to the mermaid. She coveted that, not just the piece
itself, but the talent and vision that had created it.
"Stand on your toes. That's it, that's lovely. Hold a minute. Why don't
you take on a partner?"
"For what?"
"The shop, if it's what you want. Someone business-minded."
"Mostly because I have enough business sense to know I could never
afford the rent in New York, the start-up costs." She moved a shoulder.
"Overhead, equipment, stock. I guess running a business is a study in
stress. Margaret always says so."
Ah, he thought, the inestimable Margaret, whom he'd already decided to
detest. "What do you care what she says? No, that's not right. It's not
quite right. Turn around. You have a beautiful back."
"I do?" Surprise had her turning her head to look at him.
"There! Hold that. Lower your chin a little more to your shoulder, keep
your eyes on me."
That was what he wanted. No shyness here. Coyness was something different
altogether. There was a hint of that in the upward angle of her gaze, the tilt
of her head. And just a bit of smugness as well, in the slight curve of her
lips.
Allena of the Faeries, he thought, already eager to begin in clay. He
ripped the sheets off the pad, began tacking them to the wall.
"I'll do better with you as well as the sketches. Relax a minute while
I prep the clay." As he passed, he touched a hand absently to her
shoulder. He stopped. "Christ, you're cold. Why didn't you say
something?"
She was turning toward him, a slow shift of her body. "I didn't
notice."
"I didn't think to keep the fire going." His hand skimmed over her
shoulder, fingers tracing the blade where he imagined wings. "I'll build
one now." Even as he spoke he was leaning toward her, his eyes locked on
hers. Her lips parted, and he could feel the flutter of her breath.
He jerked back, like a man snapping out of a dream. Lifted his hand, then
held them both up, away from her. "I said I wouldn't touch you. I'm
sorry."
The rising wave of anticipation in her broke, then vanished as he walked
away to yank a blanket from the cot. "I wish you weren't. Sorry, I
mean."
He stood with the table between them, the blanket in his hands, and felt
like a man drowning. There was no shyness in her now, nor coyness. But the
patience was there, and the promise.
"I don't want this need for you. Do you understand?"
"You want me to say yes." She was laid bare now, she realized.
Much more than her body laid bare. "It would make it easier if I said that
I understand. But I can't, I don't. I want that need, Conal. And you."
"Another place, another time," he murmured. "There'd be no
need to understand. Another place, another time, I'd want it as well."
"This is here," she said quietly. "And this is now. It's
still your choice."
He wanted to be sure of it, wanted to know there was nothing but her.
"Will you take that off?"
She lifted a hand to the pendant, her last shield. Saying nothing, she
slipped the chain over her head, then walked to the table, set it down.
"Do you think I'll feel differently without it?"
"There's no magic between us now. We're only who and what we are."
He stepped to her, swept the blanket around her shoulders. "It's as much
your choice as mine, Allena. You've a right to say no."
"Then…" She laid her hands on his shoulders, brought her
lips to within a breath of his. "I've also a right to say yes."
It was she who closed that tenuous distance so mouths and bodies met. And
she who let the blanket drop when her arms went around him.
She gave, completely, utterly. All the love, so newly discovered in her
heart, poured out for him. Her lips seduced, her hands soothed, her body
yielded.
There was a choice. She had made hers, but he still had his own. To draw
back, step away and refuse. Or to gather close and take. Before his blood could
take over, before it was all need and heat, he took her face in his hands until
their eyes met again.
"With no promises, Allena."
He suffered. She could see the clouds and worry in his eyes, and said what
she hoped would comfort. And be the truth as well. "And no regrets."
His thumbs skimmed over her cheeks, tracing the shape of her face as
skillfully as he'd drawn it on paper. "Be with me, then."
The cot was hard and narrow, but might have been a bed of rose petals as
they lay on it. The air was chill, still damp from the storm, but she felt only
warmth when his body covered hers.
Here. At last.
He knew his hands were big, the palms rough and calloused from his work, and
very often careless. He would not be careless with her, would not rush through
the moment they offered each other. So he touched her, gently, giving himself
the pleasure of the body he'd sketched. Long limbs, long bones, and soft white
skin. Her sigh was like music, the song his name.
She tugged off his sweater, sighing again when flesh met flesh, and again
murmuring his name against the pulse of his own throat. With only that, she
gave him the sweetness he'd denied himself. Whatever he had of that simple gift
inside him, he offered back.
Under him she lifted and moved as if they'd danced this dance together for a
lifetime. Flowed with and against him, now fluid, now strong. And the
quickening pulse that rose in her was like his own.
Her scent was soap, her taste fresh as rain.
He watched her glide up, the faerie again, soaring on one long spread of
wings. As she crested, her eyes opened, met his. And she smiled.
No one had brought her so much, or shown her how much she had to offer. Her
body quivered from the thrill of it, and in her heart was the boundless joy of
finding home.
She arched up, opened so he would fill her. As he slid inside her, the
beauty dazzled, and the power hummed.
While they took each other, neither noticed the star carved in silver,
glowing blue as flame.
She lay over him now, snug under his arm with her cheek upon his chest. It
was lovely to hear how his heart still pounded. A kind of rage, she thought,
though he'd been the most tender of lovers.
No one could have shown her that kind of caring if there wasn't caring inside.
And that, she thought, closing her eyes, was enough.
"You're cold," he murmured.
"Am not." She snuggled against him and would have frozen to the
bone before she let him move. But she lifted her head so she could grin at him.
"Allena Kennedy." His fingers trailed lightly down the back of her
neck. "You look smug."
"I feel smug. Do you mind?"
"I would be a foolish man to mind."
She bent down to kiss his chin, a sweet and casual gesture that moved him.
"And Conal O'Neil is not a foolish man. Or is he?" She angled her
head. "If we can't go beyond a certain point and walk to the village,
wouldn't it follow that no one from the village can come here?"
"I suppose it would."
"Then let's do something foolish. Let's go swim naked in the sea."
"You want to swim naked in the sea?"
"I've always wanted to. I just realized it this minute." She
rolled off the cot and tugged at his hand. "Come be foolish with me,
Conal."
"
Leannan, the first wave'll flatten you."
"Will not."
Leannan. She had no idea what it meant, but it
sounded tender, and made her want to dance. She raked both hands through her
hair, then the light of challenge lighted her eyes. "Race you."
She darted off like a rabbit and had him scrambling up. "Wait. Damn it,
the seas are too rough for you."
Bird bones, he thought, snatching up the blanket on his way. She would crack
half a dozen of them in minutes.
No, she didn't run like a rabbit, he realized. She ran like a bloody
gazelle, with long, loping strides that had her nearly at the foaming surf. He called
out her name, rushing after her. His heart simply stopped when she raced into
the water and dived under its towering wall.
"Sweet Jesus."
He'd gotten no farther than the beach when she surfaced, laughing. "Oh,
it's cold!" She struggled to the shallows, slicking her hair back, lifted
her face, her arms. For the second time his heart stopped, but now it had
nothing to do with alarm.
"You're a vision, Allena."
"No one's ever said that to me before." She held out a hand.
"No one's ever looked at me the way you do. Ride the sea with me."
It had been, he decided, much too long since he'd been foolish. "Hold
on, then."
It tossed them up, a rush of power. It sucked them down into a blind,
thundering world. The tumult of it was freedom, a cocky dare to fate. Wrapped
around each other, they spun as the waves rolled over them.
Breathless, they surfaced, only to plunge in again. Her scream wasn't one of
fear, but a cry of victory as, latched around him, she was swept into the air
again.
"You'll drown us both!" he shouted, but his eyes were lit with
wicked humor.
"I won't. I can't. Nothing but wonders today. Once more." She
locked her arms around his neck. "Let's go under just once more."
To her shrieking delight, he snatched her off her feet and dived into the
cresting wave with her.
When they stumbled out, panting, their hands were linked.
"Your teeth are chattering."
"I know. I loved it." But she snuggled into the blanket he wrapped
around them both. "I've never done anything like that. I guess you've done
it dozens of times."
"Not with the likes of you."
It was, she thought, the perfect thing to say. She held the words to her for
a moment even as she held him. Hard against her heart.
"What does
leannan mean?"
"Hmm?" Her head was on his shoulder, her arms linked around his
waist. Everything inside him was completely at peace.
"
Leannan. You said that to me, I wondered what it means."
His hand paused in midstroke on her hair. "It's a casual term," he
said carefully. "A bit of an endearment, is all. 'Sweetheart' would be the
closest."
"I like it."
He closed his eyes. "Allena, you ask for too little."
And hope for everything, she thought. "You shouldn't worry, Conal. I'm
not. Now, before we both turn blue out here, I'll make fresh tea, and you'll
build up the fire." She kissed him. "Right after I pick up some of
these shells."
She wiggled away, leaving him holding the blanket and shaking his head. Most
of the shells that littered the beach had been broken by the waves, but that
didn't appear to bother her. He left her to it and went into the studio to tug
on his jeans.
She had a pile of shells when he came back, offering her his sweater and her
pendant.
"I won't wear it if it bothers you."
"It's yours." Deliberately, as if challenging the fates, he
slipped it around her neck. "Here, put this on before you freeze."
She bundled into it, then crouched to put the shells into the blanket.
"I love you, Conal, whether I'm wearing it or not. And since loving you
makes me happy, it shouldn't worry you."
She rose. "Don't spoil it," she murmured. "Let's just take
today, then see about tomorrow."
"All right." He took her hand, brought it to his lips. "I'll
give you a promise after all."
"I'll take it."
"Today will always be precious to me, and so will you."
Chapter 7
She dug out an ancient pair of Conal's jeans, found a hunk of frayed rope,
and went to work with scissors. As a fashion statement the chopped jeans, rough
belt, and baggy sweater said Island Shipwreck, but they did the job.
As he insisted on making the tea this time around, she busied herself
hanging the wash. And dreaming.
It could be just this way, she thought. Long, wonderful days together. Conal
would work in his studio, and she'd tend the house, the gardens… and, oh,
the children when they came along.
She would paint the shutters and the little back porch. She'd put an arbor
in front, plant roses—the only roses she would have—so that they'd
climb up and twine and ramble and it would be like walking through a fairy tale
every time she went into the house.
And it would be her fairy tale, ever after.
They would need to add rooms, of course, for those children. A second floor,
she imagined, with dormer windows.
Another bath, a bigger kitchen, but nothing that would take away from the
lovely cottage-by-the-sea feeling.
She'd make wonderful meals, keep the windows sparkling, sew curtains that
would flutter in the breeze.
She stopped, pegging a sheet that flapped wetly. Her mother would be
appalled. Household chores were something you hired other people to do because
you had a career. You were a professional… something.
Of course, it was all just fantasy, she told herself as she moved down the
clothesline. She had to make a living somehow. But she'd worry about that
later. For now, she was going to enjoy the moment, the thrilling rush of being
in love, the jittery ache of waiting to be loved in return.
They would have today, and their tomorrow. Whatever happened after, she'd
have no regrets.
With the last of the laundry hung, she stepped back, lifted the basket to
rest it on her hip. She saw Hugh prancing down the hill.
"Well, so you decided to come home. What have you got there?" Her
eyes widened as she recognized the brown bulk he carried in his mouth. "My
bag!"
She dropped the basket and rushed to him. And Hugh, sensing a game, began to
race in circles around her.
Conal watched from the doorway. The tea was steeping in the pot, and he'd
been about to call to her. Now he simply stood.
Sheets billowed like sails in the wind. He caught the clean, wet scent of
them, and the drift of rosemary and lemon balm from the herb bed she'd weeded
that morning. Her laughter lifted up, bright and delighted, as she raced with
the dog.
His tattered old jeans hung on her, though she'd hacked them off to above
her ankles. She'd rolled up the cuffs, pushed up the sleeves on his sweater,
but now as she ran around with Hugh, they'd come down again and fell over her
hands. She hadn't put on her shoes.
She was a joy to watch. And when, he wondered, had he stopped letting joy
into his life? The shadow of his fate had grown longer with each passing year.
He'd huddled under it, he thought now, telling himself he was standing clear.
He had let no one touch him, let nothing be important to him but his work.
He had estranged himself from his father and his home. Those had been his
choices, and his right. Now, watching Allena play tug-of-war with the big dog
in a yard filled with sun and sailing white sheets, he wondered for the first
time what he'd missed along the way.
And still, whatever he'd missed, she was here.
The pendant was here.
The solstice was closing in.
He could refuse it. He could deny it. However much this woman called to his
blood, he would, at the end of that longest day, determine his own fate.
It would not be magic that forced his destiny, but his own will.
He saw Allena yank, Hugh release. She stumbled back, clutching something to
her chest, then landed hard on her back. Conal was out the door and across the
yard in a single skipping heartbeat.
"Are you hurt?" He issued one sharp order to the dog in Gaelic
that had Hugh hanging his head.
"Of course not." She started to sit up, but Conal was already
gathering her, stroking, murmuring something in Gaelic that sounded lovely.
Loving. Her heart did one long, slow cartwheel. "Conal."
"The damn dog probably outweighs you, and you've bones like a
bird."
"We were just playing. There, now, you've hurt Hugh's feelings. Come
here, baby, it's okay."
While Conal sat back on his heels and scowled, she hugged and cuddled the
dog. "It's all right. He didn't mean it, whatever it was. Did you,
Conal?"
Conal caught the sidelong glance the dog sent him, and had to call it smug.
"I did."
She only laughed and kissed Hugh's nose. "Such a smart dog, such a good
dog," she crooned. "He found my bag and brought it home. I, on the
other hand, am a moron. I forgot all about it."
Conal studied the oversized purse. It was wet, filthy, and now riddled with
teeth marks. That didn't seem to bother her a bit. "It's taken a
beating."
"I must've dropped it in the storm. Everything's in here. My passport,
my credit cards, my ticket. My makeup." She hugged the bag, thrilled to
have her lipstick back. "Oh, and dozens of things. Including my copy of
Margaret's itinerary. Do you think the phone's working now?"
Without waiting for him to answer, she leaped up. "I can call her
hotel, let her know I'm all right. She must be frantic."
She dashed into the house, clutching the bag, and Conal stayed as he was.
He didn't want the phones to be working. He didn't want that to break their
bubble. Realizing it left him shaken. Here, he thought, at the first chance to
reach out of their world, she'd run to do it.
Of course she had. He pressed his fingers to his eyes. Wouldn't he have done
the same? She had a life beyond this, beyond him. The romance of it had swept
her away for a while, just as it had nearly swept him. She would get her feet
back under her and move on. That was as it should be. And what he wanted.
But when he rose to go after her, there was an ache inside him that hadn't
been there before.
"I got through." Allena sent him a brilliant smile. She stood by
the counter, the phone in her hand and what appeared to be half her worldly
goods dumped on the table. "She's cheeked in, and they're going to ring
her room. I only hope she didn't call my parents. I'd hate to think
they'd—Margaret! Oh, I'm so glad you're—"
She broke off again, and Conal watched the light in her eyes go dim.
"Yes, I know. I'm so sorry. I missed the ferry and…"
Saying nothing, he moved past her and got down mugs for tea. He had no
intention of leaving her to her privacy.
"Yes, you're right, it was irresponsible. Inexcusable, yes, that, too,
to leave you shorthanded this way. I tried to…"
He saw the moment she gave up, when her shoulders slumped and her face went
carefully blank. "I understand. No, of course, you can't be expected to
keep me on after this. Oh, yes, I know it was against your better judgment in
the first place. You were very clear about that. I'm sorry I let you down. Yes,
again."
Shame, fatigue, resignation closed in on her, a dingy fog of failure. She
shut her eyes. "No, Margaret, excuses don't matter when people are
depending on you. Did you call Mom and Dad? No, you're right. What would have
been the point?"
"Bloody bitch," Conal muttered. They'd just see how Margaret liked
being on the other end of a tongue-lashing, he decided, and grabbed the phone
out of Allena's hand. The buzz of the dial tone left him no victim for his
outrage.
"She had to go," Allena managed. "Schedule. I
should—Excuse me."
"No, damned if I will." He took her shoulders in a firm grip
before she could escape. There were tears on her lashes. He wanted Margaret's
neck in his hands. "You'll not go off to lick your wounds. Why did you
take that from her?"
"She was right. I was irresponsible. She has every reason to fire me.
She'd never have taken me on in the first place without family pressure."
"Family pressure? Bugger it. Where was her family concern? Did she ask
if you were all right? What had happened? Where you were? Did she once ask you
why?"
"No."
A tear spilled over, slid down her cheek and inflamed him. "Where is
your anger?" he demanded.
"What good does it do to be angry?" Wearily, she brushed the tear
away. "I brought it on myself. I don't care about the job. That's the
problem, really. I don't care about it. I wouldn't have taken it if I'd had a
choice. Margaret's probably right. I bungle this way on purpose."
"Margaret is a jackass."
"No, really, she's not." She managed a wobbly grin. "She's
just very disciplined and goal-oriented. Well, there's no use whining about
it." She patted his hand, then moved away to pour the tea. "I'll call
my parents after I've settled down a little, explain… oh, God."
Pressing her palms to the counter, she squeezed her eyes shut. "I
hate
disappointing them this way. Over and over, like a cycle I can't break. If I
could just do something, if I could just be good at something."
Shaking her head, she went to the refrigerator to take out last night's soup
to heat for lunch. "You don't know how much I envy you your talent and
your confidence in it. My mother always said if I'd just focus my energies
instead of scattering them a dozen different ways, I'd move beyond
mediocre."
"It should have shamed her to say such a thing to you."
Surprised by the violence in his tone, she turned back. "She didn't
mean it the way I made it sound. You have to understand, they're all so smart
and clever and, well, dedicated to what they do. My father's chief of surgery,
my mother's a partner in one of the most prestigious law firms on the East
Coast. And I can't do
anything."
There was the anger. It whipped through her as she slammed the pot on the
stove. Pleased to see it, Conal folded his arms, leaned back, and watched it
build.
"There's James with his glossy practice and his gorgeous trophy wife
and certified genius child, who's a complete brat, by the way, but everyone
says she's simply precocious. As if precocious and rude are synonymous. And
Margaret with her perfect office and her perfect wardrobe and her perfect home
and her perfectly detestable husband, who won't see anything but art films and
collects coins."
She dumped soup into the pot. "And every Thanksgiving they all sit
around patting each other on the back over how successful and brilliant they
are. Then they look at me as if I'm some sort of alien who got dumped on the
doorstep and had to be taken in for humanitarian purposes. And I can't be a
doctor or a lawyer or a goddamn Indian chief no matter how hard I try because I
just can't
do anything."
"Now
you should be ashamed."
"What?" She pressed her fingers to her temples. Temper made her
dizzy, and fuzzy-headed, which is why she usually tried to avoid it.
"What?"
"Come here." He grabbed her hand, pulled her into the living room.
"What did you do here?"
"About what?"
"What are the things you did in here?"
"I… dusted?"
"To hell and back again with the dust, Allena. Look here at your
flowers and candles and your bowl of broken shells. And out here."
He dragged her to the door, shoved it open. "Here's a garden that was
suffering from neglect until the morning. Where's the sand that was all over
the walk that I didn't even notice until it was gone? There are sheets drying
in the wind out back and soup heating in the kitchen. The bloody shower doesn't
drip now. Who did those things?"
"Anyone can sweep a walk, Conal."
"Not everyone thinks to. Not everyone cares to. And not everyone finds
pleasure in the doing of it. In one day you made a home out of this place, and
it hasn't been one in too long, so that I'd all but forgotten the feel of a
home around me. Do you think that's nothing? Do you think there's no value in
that?"
"It's just… ordinary," she said for lack of a better word.
"I can't make a career out of picking wildflowers."
"A living can be made where you find it, if a living must be made.
You've a need to pick wildflowers and sea-shells, Allena. And there are those
who are grateful for it, and notice the difference you make."
If she hadn't loved him already, she would have fallen at that moment with
his words still echoing and his eyes dark with impatience. "That's the
kindest thing anyone's ever said to me." She laid her hands on his cheeks.
"The very kindest." Softly, she touched her lips to his. "Thank
you."
Before he could speak, she shook her head, then rested it on his shoulder.
Chapter 8
They shut out the world. Turned off time. Conal would have bristled at the
idea that they were making a kind of magic, but for Allena there was no other
word for it.
She posed for him again, in the studio where the afternoon sun slanted
through the windows. And she watched herself be born in clay.
Because she asked, he told her of his years in Dublin. His studies and his
work. The lean student years when he'd lived on tinned food and art. Then the
recognition that had come, like a miracle, in a dingy gallery.
The first sale had given him the luxury of time, room to work without the
constant worry of paying the rent. And the sales that followed had given him
the luxury of choice, so that he'd been able to afford a studio of his own.
Still, though he spoke of it easily, she noticed that when he talked of
Dublin, he didn't refer to it as home. But she said nothing.
Later, when he'd covered the clay with a damp cloth and washed in the little
sink, they went for a walk along the shore. They spoke of a hundred things, but
never once of the star she wore against her heart, or the stone circle that
threw its shadows from the cliff.
They made love while the sun was still bright, and the warmth of it glowed
on her skin when she rose over him.
As the day moved to evening, the light remained, shimmering as though it
would never give way to night. She entertained herself mending the old lace
curtains she'd found on a shelf in the closet while Conal sketched and the dog
curled into a nap on the floor between them.
She had the most expressive face, he thought. Dreamy now as she sat and
sewed. Everything she felt moved into her eyes of soft, clear gray. The witch
behind those eyes had yet to wake. And when she did, he imagined that any man
she cast them on would be spellbound.
How easily she had settled in—to him, his home, his life. Without a
break of rhythm, he thought, and with such contentment. And how easy it would
be to settle in to her. Even with these edgy flashes of need and desire, there
was a comfort beneath.
What was he to do about her? Where was he to put these feelings she'd
brought to life inside him? And how was he to know if they were real?
"Conal?" She spoke quietly. His troubled thoughts were like a
humming in the air, a warning. "Can't you put it aside for now? Can't you
be content to wait and see?"
"No." It irritated him that she'd read his mood in his silence.
"Letting others shape your life is your way, not mine."
Her hand jerked, as if it had been slapped, then continued to move smoothly.
"Yes, you're right. I've spent my life trying to please people I love, and
it hasn't gotten me anywhere. They don't love me enough to accept me."
He felt a hitch in his gut, as if he'd shoved her away when he should have
taken hold. "Allena."
"No, it's all right. They do love me, under it all, just not as much,
or in the same way, or… however I love them. They want things for me that
I'm not capable of—or that I just don't want for myself enough to make a
real effort. I can't put restrictions on my feelings. I'm not made that way."
"And I can." He rose, paced. "It's not a matter of feelings,
but of being. I can't and won't be led. I care for you more than should be
possible in this short a time."
"And because of that you don't trust what's happened, what's happening
between us." She nodded and, clipping the thread, set her needle aside.
"That's reasonable."
"What do you know of reason?" he demanded. "You're the
damnedest, most irrational woman I've ever met."
She smiled at that, quick and bright. "It's so much easier to recognize
reason when you have so little yourself."
His lips twitched, but he sat down. "How can you be so calm in the
middle of all this?"
"I've had the most amazing two days of my life, the most exciting, the
most beautiful." She spread her hands. "Nothing can ever take that away
from me now that I've had it. And I'll have one more. One more long and
wonderful day. So…" She got to her feet, stretched. "I think
I'll get a glass of wine and go outside and watch the stars come out."
"No." He took her hand, rose. "I'll get the wine."
It was a perfect night, the sky as clear as glass. The sea swept in, drew
back, then burst again in a shower of water that caught those last shimmers of
day and sparkled like jewels.
"You should have benches," Allena began. "Here and here, with
curved seats and high backs, in cedar that would go silver in the
weather."
He wondered why he hadn't thought of it himself, for he loved to sit and
watch the sea. "What else would you have, were you me?"
"Well, I'd put big pots near the benches and fill them with flowers
that spilled out and spiked up. Dark blue crocks," she decided, then
slanted him a look. "You could make them."
"I suppose I could. Flowerpots." The idea was amusing.
No one had ever expected flowerpots from him before. He skimmed a hand over
her hair as he sipped his wine and realized he would enjoy making them for her,
would like to see her pleasure in them.
"Dark blue," she repeated, "to match the shutters when
they're fixed up with the paint I found in the laundry room."
"Now I'm painting shutters?"
"No, no, no, your talents are much too lofty for such mundane chores.
You make the pots, sturdy ones, and I'll paint the shutters."
"I know when someone's laughing at me."
She merely sent him a sly wink and walked down toward the water. "Do
you know what I'm supposed to be doing tonight?"
"What would that be?"
"I should be manning the slide projector for Margaret's after-dinner
lecture on megalithic sites."
"Well, then, you've had a narrow escape, haven't you?"
"You're telling me. Do you know what I'm going to do instead?"
"Ah, come back inside and make wild love with me?"
She laughed and spun in a circle. "I'm definitely putting that on the
schedule. But first, I'm going to build a sand castle."
"A sand castle, is it?"
"A grand one," she claimed and plopped down on the beach to begin.
"The construction of sand castles is one of my many talents. Of course,
I'd do better work if I had a spade and a bucket. Both of which," she
added, looking up at him from under her lashes, "can be found in the
laundry room."
"And I suppose, as my talent for this particular art is in doubt, I'm
delegated to fetch."
"Your legs are longer, so you'll get there and back faster."
"Can't argue with that."
He brought back the garden spade and the mop bucket, along with the bottle of
wine.
As the first bold stars came to life, he sat and watched her build her
castle of sand.
"You need a tower on that end," he told her. "You've left it
undefended."
"It's a castle, not a fortress, and my little world here is at peace.
However, I'd think a famous artist could manage to build a tower if he saw the
need for one."
He finished off his glass of wine, screwed the stem in the sand, and picked
up the challenge.
She added more turrets, carefully shaping, then smoothing them with the edge
of her spade. And driven by his obviously superior talent with his hands, began
to add to the structure, elaborately.
"And what, I'd like to know, is that lump you've got there?"
"It's the stables, or will be when I'm finished."
"It's out of proportion." He started to reach over to show her,
but she slapped his hand away. "As you like, but your horses would have to
be the size of Hugh to fit in there."
She sniffed, rocked back on her heels. Damn it, he was right. "I'm not
finished," she said coolly. She scooped up more sand and worked it in.
"And what is that supposed to be?"
"It will be the drawbridge."
"A drawbridge?" Delighted, she leaned over to study the platform
he fashioned with his quick, clever hands. "Oh, that's wonderful. You're
definitely sand castle-skilled. I know just what it needs."
She scrambled up and raced to the house. She came back with some wooden
kitchen matches and a bit of red ribbon that she'd cut in a triangle.
"Chain would be better, but we'll be innovative." She poked the
tip of the long match into the side of the drawbridge, slid the other end into
the castle wall. "Fortunately, the royal family here is having a ball, so
the drawbridge stays down." She set a second match in the other side.
She broke a third match, looped her ribbon around it, then hoisted her
makeshift flag on the topmost tower. "Now that's a sand castle."
She plucked up the bottle of wine and poured for both of them. "To
Dolman Castle." A dream, she thought, they'd made together.
After clinking her glass to his, she drew up her knees and looked out to
sea. "It's a beautiful night. So many stars. You can't see sky like this
in New York, just slices of it, pieces between buildings, so you forget how big
it is."
"When I was a boy, I used to come out at night and sit here."
She turned her head, rested her cheek on her knee. "What else did you
do when you were a boy?"
"Climbed the cliffs, played with my friends in the village, worked very
hard to get out of chores that would have taken less time and less effort than
the eluding of them took. Fished with my father."
He fell into silence, and the depth of it had Allena reaching out to take
his hand. "You miss him."
"I left him, alone. I didn't know he was ill that last year. He never
told me, never once asked me to come back and tend to him. He died by himself
rather than ask me for that."
"He knew you'd come back."
"He should have told me. I could've brought him to Dublin, gotten him
to hospital, for treatments, specialists."
"It's always so much harder on the ones who're left behind," she
murmured. "He wanted to be here, Conal. To die here."
"Oh, aye, to die here, that was his choice. And knowing he was ill, and
frail, he climbed the cliffs. And there at the stone dance is where his heart
gave out. That was his choice."
"It makes you angry."
"It makes me helpless, which is the same thing to me. So I miss him,
and I regret the time and distance that was between us—the time and
distance I put between us. I sent him money instead of myself. And he left me
all he had. The cottage, and Hugh."
He turned to her then and pulled the chain at her neck until the pendant
slid clear. "And this. He left this for me in that small wood box you see
on the dresser in the bedroom."
The shiver raced over her skin, chill and damp. "I don't understand."
"His mother had given it to him on his eighteenth birthday, as it had
been given to her. And he gave it to my mother on the day he asked her to marry
him, at the stone circle, as is the O'Neil tradition. She wore it always. And
gave it back to him, to hold for me, on the night she died."
Cured in Dagda's Cauldron. Carved by the finger of Merlin. "It's
yours," she murmured.
"No. No longer mine, never mine as I refused it. The day I buried my
father, I came here and I threw this into the sea. That, I told myself, was the
end of things."
There's only one, the old woman had told her. It belonged to her. She
had found it, or it had found her. And led her, Allena thought, to him. How
could she feel anything but joy at knowing it? And how, being who he was, could
Conal feel anything but anger?
For her it was a key. For him a lock.
Allena touched his cheek. "I don't know how to comfort you."
"Neither do I." He rose, pulled her to her feet. "No more of
this tonight. No more castles and stars. I want what's real. My need is real
enough." He swept her up. "And so are you."
Chapter 9
She couldn't sleep. No matter how short the night, she couldn't bear to
waste it in dreams. So she lay quiet, and wakeful, reliving every moment of the
day that had passed.
They'd ended it, she thought now, with love. Not the slow and tender sort
they'd brought each other the first time. There'd been a desperation in Conal
when he carried her into bed from the beach. A kind of fierce urgency that had
streaked from him and into her so that her hands had been as impatient as his,
her mouth as hungry.
And her body, she thought, oh, her body had been so very alive.
That kind of craving was another sort of beauty, wasn't it? A need that
deep, that strong, that
willful could dig deep and lasting roots.
Why wouldn't he let himself love her?
She turned to him, and in sleep he drew her against him.
I'm here,
she wanted to say.
I belong here. I know it.
But she kept the words inside her, and simply took his mouth with hers.
Soft, seductive, drawing what she needed and giving back. Slow and silky, a
mating of lips and tongues. The heat from bodies wrapped close weighing heavy
on the limbs.
He drifted into desire as a man drifts through mists. The air was thick, and
sweet, and she was there for him. Warm and willing. And real.
He heard her breath catch and sigh out, felt her heart beat to match the
rhythm of his own. And she moved against him, under him, bewitching in the
dark.
When he slid into her, she took him in with a welcome that was home.
Together they lifted and fell, steady and smooth. Mouths met again as he felt
her rise up to peak, as he lost himself, gave himself. And emptied.
"Allena." He said her name, only her name as he once more gathered
her against him. Comforted, settled, he slipped back into sleep never knowing
that she wept.
Before dawn she rose, afraid that if she stayed beside him any longer in the
dark she would ask—more afraid that if he offered some pale substitute
for love and lifetimes, she would snatch at it, pitifully.
She dressed in silence and went out to wait for the dawn of the longest day.
There was no moon now, and no stars, nothing to break that endless,
spreading dark. She could see the fall of land, the rise of sea, and to the
west the powerful shadows of the jagged cliffs where the stone circle stood,
and waited.
The pendant weighed heavy on her neck.
Only hours left, she thought. She wouldn't lose hope, though it was hard in
this dark and lonely hour to cling to it. She'd been sent here, brought here,
it didn't matter. What mattered was that she was here, and here she had found
all the answers she needed.
She had to believe that Conal would find his in the day that was left to
them.
She watched dawn break, a slow, almost sly shifting of light that gave the
sky a polish. Mists slipped and slid over the ground, rose into the air like a
damp curtain. And there, in the east, it flamed, gold, then spread to red over
sky and water, brighter, and brighter still, until the world woke.
The air went from gray to the shimmer of a pearl.
On the beach, the castle had been swamped by the tide. And seeing what could
be so easily washed away broke her heart a little.
She turned away from it and went back inside.
She needed to keep her hands busy, her mind busy. She could do nothing about
the state of her heart, but she wouldn't mope, today of all days.
When Hugh came padding out, she opened the door so he could race through.
She put on the kettle for tea. She already knew how Conal liked his, almost
viciously strong with no sugar or cream to dilute the punch.
While it steeped, she got a small pot from a cupboard. Conal had mentioned
there were berries ripening this time of year. If she could find them, and
there were enough, they'd have fresh fruit for breakfast.
She went out the back, past the herb garden and a huge shrub covered with
dozens of conical purple blossoms that smelled like potpourri. She wondered how
they would look dried and spearing out of a big copper urn.
Ground fog played around her ankles as she walked and made her think it was
something like wading in a shallow river. The wind didn't reach it, but
fluttered at her hair as she climbed the gentle rise behind the cottage. Far
off was the sound of Hugh's deep-throated bark, and somewhere nearer, the
liquid trill of a bird. Over it all was the forever sound of the sea.
On impulse, she slipped off her shoes to walk barefoot over the cool, wet
grass.
The hill dipped, then rose again. Steeper now, with the mist thickening like
layers of filmy curtain. She glanced back once, saw the cottage was merely a
silhouette behind the fog. A prickle over her skin had her pausing, nearly
turning back. Then she heard the dog bark again, just up ahead.
She called out to him, turned in the direction of his bark, and kept
climbing. On the top of the next rise was a scattering of trees sculpted by
wind, and with them the bushes, brambles, and berries she hunted.
Pleased with her find, she set down her shoes and began to pick. And taste.
And climb still higher to where the ripest grew. She would make pancakes, she
thought, and mix the berries in the batter.
Her pot was half full when she scrambled up on a rock to reach a solitary
bush pregnant with fat fruit of rich and deep purple.
"The most tempting are always the ones just out of reach."
Allena's breath caught, and she nearly overturned her pot when she saw the
woman standing on the rough track on the other side of the bush.
Her hair was dark and hung past her waist. Her eyes were the moody green of
the ocean at dawn. She smiled and rested her hand on Hugh's head as he sat
patiently beside her.
"I didn't know anyone was here." Could be here, she thought.
"I—" She looked back now, with some alarm, and couldn't see the
cottage. "I walked farther than I realized."
"It's a good morning for a walk, and for berry picking. Those you have
there'd make a fine mixed jam."
"I've picked too many. I wasn't paying attention."
The woman's face softened. "Sure, you can never pick too many as long
as someone eats them. Don't fret," she said quietly. "He's sleeping
still. His mind's quiet when he sleeps."
Allena let out a long breath. "Who are you?"
"Whoever you need me to be. An old woman in a shop, a young boy in a
boat."
"Oh." Surrendering to shaky legs, she sat on the rock.
"God."
"It shouldn't worry you. There's no harm meant. Not to you, or to him.
He's part of me."
"His great-grandmother. He said—they say—"
The woman's smile widened. "They do indeed."
Struggling for composure, Allena reached under her sweater, drew out the
pendant. "This is yours."
"It belongs to whom it belongs to… until it belongs to
another."
"Conal said he threw it into the sea."
"Such a temper that boy has." Her laugh was light and rich as
cream over whiskey. "It does me proud. He could throw it to the moon, and
still it would come to whom it belongs to when it was time. This time is
yours."
"He doesn't want to love me."
"Oh, child." She touched Allena's cheek, and it was like the brush
of wings. "Love can't be wanted away. It simply is, and you already know
that. You have a patient heart."
"Sometimes patience is just cowardice."
"That's wise." The woman nodded, obviously pleased, and helped
herself to one of the berries in the pot. "And true as well. But already
you understand him, and are coming to understand yourself, which is always a
more difficult matter. That's considerable for such a short time. And you love
him."
"Yes, I love him. But he won't accept love through magic."
"Tonight, when the longest day meets the shortest night, when the star
cuts through with power and light, the choice you make, both you and he, will
be what was always meant to be."
Then she took Allena's face in her hands, kissed both her cheeks. "Your
heart will know," she said and slipped into the mist like a ghost.
"How?" Allena closed her eyes. "You didn't give us enough
time."
When Hugh bumped his head against her legs, she bent down to bury her face
in his neck. "Not enough time," she murmured. "Not enough to
mope about it, either. I don't know what to do, except the next thing. I guess
that's breakfast."
She wandered back the way she had come, with Hugh for company on this trip.
The fog was already burning off at the edges and drawing into itself. It seemed
that fate had decreed one more clear day for her.
When the cottage came into view, she saw Conal on the little back porch,
waiting for her.
"You worried me." He walked out to meet her, knowing his sense of
relief was out of proportion. "What are you doing, roaming away in the
mist?"
"Berries." She held up the pot. "You'll never guess what
I…" She trailed off as his gaze tracked down to the pendant.
"I'll never guess what?"
No, she thought, she couldn't tell him what had happened, whom she had seen.
Not when the shadows were in his eyes, and her heart was sinking because of
them. "What I'm going to make for breakfast."
He dipped a hand into the pot. "Berries?"
"Watch," she told him and took her gatherings into the house.
"And learn."
He did watch, and it soothed him. He'd wakened reaching for her, and that
had disturbed him. How could a man spend one night with a woman, then find his
bed so cold, so empty when she wasn't in it? Then that panic, that drawing down
in the gut, when he hadn't been able to find her. Now she was here, mixing her
batter in a bowl, and the world was right again.
Was there a name for this other than love?
"You really need a griddle." She set the bowl aside to heat a
skillet. "But we'll make do."
"Allena.''
"Hmm?" She glanced back. Something in his eyes made her dizzy.
"Yes?" When she turned, the pendant swung, and caught at the
sunlight.
The star seemed to flash straight into his eyes, taunting him. Without
moving, Conal took a deliberate step back. No, he would not speak of love.
"Where are your shoes?"
"My shoes?" He'd spoken with such gentle affection that her eyes
stung as she looked down at her own bare feet. "I must have left them
behind. Silly of me."
"So you wander barefoot through the dew, pretty Allena?"
Words strangled in her throat. She threw her arms around him, burying her
face at his shoulder as emotions whirled inside her.
"Allena." He pressed his lips to her hair and wished, for both of
them, he could break this last chain that held his heart. "What am I to do
about you?"
Love me. Just love me. I can handle all of the rest. "I can make
you happy. If only you'd let me, I can make you happy."
"And what of you? There are two of us here. How can you believe, and
accept, all I've told you and be willing to change your life for it?" He
drew her back, touched a fingertip to the pendant. "How can you, Allena,
so easily accept this?"
"Because it belongs to me." She let out a shaky breath, then took
one in, and her voice was stronger. "Until it belongs to another."
Steadier, she took a ladle from a drawer and spooned batter into the
skillet. "You think I'm naive, and gullible, and so needy for love that
I'll believe anything that offers the possibility of it?"
"I think you have a soft heart."
"And a malleable one?" The cool gaze she sent him was a surprise,
as was her nod. "You may be right. Trying to fit yourself into forms so
that the people you love will love you back the way you want keeps the heart
malleable. And while I hope to be done with that, while I'm going to try to be
done with that, I prefer having a heart that accepts imprints from
others."
A patient heart, she thought, but by God if it was a cowardly one.
Deftly, she flipped the pancakes. "What hardened yours, Conal?"
"You've good aim when you decide to notch the arrow."
"Maybe I haven't reached into the quiver often enough." But she
would now. Movements smooth and unhurried, she turned the pancakes onto a
platter, spooned more batter into the pan. "Why don't you ever speak of
your mother?"
Bull's-eye, he thought, and said nothing as she set him a place at the
table.
"I have a right to know."
"You do, yes."
She got out honey, cinnamon, poured the tea. "Sit down. Your breakfast
will get cold."
With a half laugh, he did as she asked. She was a puzzle, and why had he
believed he'd already solved her? He waited until she'd emptied the skillet,
turned it off, and come to the table to join him.
"My mother was from the near village," he began. "Her father
was a fisherman, and her mother died in childbirth when my own mother was a
girl. The baby died as well, so my mother was the youngest and the only
daughter and pampered, she told me, by her father and brothers."
"You have uncles in the village?"
"I do. Three, and their families. Though some of the younger have gone
to the mainland or beyond. My father was an only child."
She drizzled honey on her pancakes, passed the bottle to Conal. He had
family, she thought, and still kept so much alone. "So you have cousins
here, too?"
"Some number of them. We played together when I was a boy. It was from
them that I first heard of what runs in me. I thought it a story, like others
you hear, like silkies and mermaids and faerie forts."
He ate because it was there and she'd gone to the trouble to make it.
"My mother liked to draw, to sketch, and she taught me how to see things.
How to make what you see come out in pencil and chalk. My father, he loved the
sea, and thought I would follow him there. But she gave me clay for my eighth
birthday. And I…"
He paused, lifted his hands, stared at them through narrowed eyes. They were
very like his father's. Big, blunt, and with strength in them. But they had
never been made for casting nets.
"The shaping of it, the finding what was inside it… I was compelled
to see. And wood, carving away at it until you could show others what you'd
seen in it. She understood that. She knew that."
"Your father was disappointed?"
"Puzzled more, I think." Conal moved his shoulders, picked up his
fork again. "How could a man make a living, after all, whittling at wood
or chipping at hunks of rock? But it pleased my mother, so he let it be. For
her, and I learned later, because in his mind my fate was already set. So
whether I sculpted or fished wouldn't matter in the end."
When he fell silent, looked back at the pendant, Allena slipped it under her
sweater. And feeling the quiet heat of it against her heart, waited for him to
continue.
Chapter 10
"After me, my parents tried for more children. Twice my mother
miscarried, and the second, late in her term… damaged her. I was young,
but I remember her having to stay in bed a long time and how pale she was even
when she could get up. My father set a chair out for her, so she could be
outside and watch the sea. She was never well after that, but I didn't
know."
"You were just a boy." When she touched a hand to his, he looked
down, smiled a little.
"Soft heart, Allena." He turned his hand over, squeezed hers once,
then released. "She was ill the summer I was twelve. Three times that spring,
my father took her on the ferry, and I stayed with my cousins. She was dying,
and no one could find a way to save her. Part of me knew that, but I pushed it
out of my mind. Every time she came home again, I was certain it was all
right."
"Poor little boy," Allena murmured.
"He doesn't deserve as much sympathy as you think. That summer, when I
was twelve, she walked down to the sea with me. She should've been in bed, but
she wouldn't go. She told me of the stone dance and the star and my place in
it. She showed me the pendant you're wearing now, though I'd seen it countless
times before. She closed my hand around it with her own, and I felt it breathe.
"I was so angry. I wasn't different from the other lads I knew, no
different from my cousins and playmates. Why would she say so? She told me I
was young to have it passed on to me, but she and my father had discussed it.
He'd agreed to let her do it, in her time and her own way. She wanted to give
me the pendant before she left us."
"You didn't want it."
"No, by God, I didn't. I wanted her. I wanted things to be as they
were. When she was well and I was nothing more than a lad running over the
hills. I wanted her singing in the kitchen again, the way she did before she
was ill."
Everything inside her ached for him, but when she reached out, Conal waved
her off. "I shouted at her, and I ran from her. She called after me, and
tried to come after me, but I was strong and healthy and she wasn't. Even when
I heard her weeping, I didn't look back. I went and hid in my uncle's boat
shed. It wasn't till the next morning that my father found me.
"He didn't take a strap to me as I might have expected, or drag me home
by the ear as I deserved. He just sat down beside me, pulled me against him,
and told me my mother had died in the night."
His eyes were vivid as they met Allena's. She wondered that the force of
them didn't burn away the tears that swam in her own. "I loved her. And my
last words to her were the bitter jabs of an angry child."
"Do you think—oh, Conal, can you possibly believe those words are
what she took with her?"
"I left her alone."
"And you still blame a frightened and confused twelve-year-old boy for
that? Shame on you for your lack of compassion."
Her words jolted him. He rose as she did. "Years later, when I was a
man, I did the same with my father."
"That's self-indulgent and untrue." Briskly, she stacked plates,
carried them to the sink. It wasn't sympathy he needed, she realized. But
plain, hard truth. "You told me yourself you didn't know he was ill. He
didn't tell you."
She ran the water hot, poured detergent into it, stared hard at the rising
foam. "You curse the idea you have—what did you call it—elfin
blood—but you sure as hell appear to enjoy the notion of playing
God."
If she'd thrown the skillet at his head he'd have been less shocked.
"That's easy for you to say, when you can walk away from all of this
tomorrow."
"That's right, I can." She turned the faucet off and turned to
him. "I can, finally, do whatever I want to do. I can thank you for that,
for helping me see what I was letting happen, for showing me that I have something
of value to give. And I want to give it, Conal. I want to make a home and a
family and a life for someone who values me, who understands me and who loves
me. I won't take less ever again. But you will. You're still hiding in the boat
shed, only now you call it a studio."
Vile and hateful words rose up in his throat. But he was no longer a young
boy, and he rejected them for the sharper blade of ice. "I've told you
what you asked to know. I understand what you want, but you have no
understanding of what I need."
He walked out, letting the door slap shut behind him.
"You're wrong," she said quietly. "I do understand."
She kept herself busy through the morning. If she did indeed go away the
next day, she would leave something of herself behind. He wouldn't be allowed
to forget her.
She hung the curtains she'd mended, pleased when the sunlight filtered
through the lace into patterns on the floor. In the laundry room she found
tools and brushes and everything she needed. With a kind of defiance she hauled
it all outside. She was going to scrape and paint the damn shutters.
The work calmed her, and that malleable heart she'd spoken of began to ache.
Now and then she glanced over at the studio. He was in there, she knew. Where
else would he be? Though part of her wanted to give up, to go to him, she did
understand his needs.
He needed time.
"But it's running out," she murmured. Stepping back, she studied
the results of her labors. The paint gleamed wet and blue, and behind the
windows the lace fluttered in the breeze.
Now that it was done and there was nothing else, her body seemed to cave in
on itself with fatigue. Nearly stumbling with it, she went into the house. She
would lie down for a little while, catch up on the sleep she'd lost the night
before.
Just an hour, she told herself and, stretching out on the bed, went under
fast and deep.
Conal stepped back from his own work. His hands were smeared with clay to
the wrists, and his eyes half blind with concentration.
Allena of the Faeries. She stood tall, slim, her head cocked slyly
over one shoulder, her eyes long and her mouth bowed with secrets. She wasn't
beautiful, nor was she meant to be. But how could anyone look away?
How could he?
Her wings were spread as if she would fly off at any moment. Or fold them
again and stay, if you asked her.
He wouldn't ask her. Not when she was bound by something that was beyond
both of them.
God, she'd infuriated him. He went to the sink, began to scrub his hands and
arms. Snipping and sniping at him that way, telling him what he thought and
felt. He had a mind of his own and he'd made it up. He'd done nothing but tell
her the truth of that, of everything, from the beginning.
He wanted peace and quiet and his work. And his pride, he thought, as his
hands dripped water. The pride that refused to accept that his path was already
cut. In the end, would he be left with only that?
The emptiness stretched out before him, staggeringly deep. Were these, then,
after all, his choices? All or nothing? Acceptance or loneliness?
Hands unsteady, he picked up a towel, drying off as he turned and studied
the clay figure. "You already know, don't you? You knew from the
first."
He tossed the towel aside, strode to the door. The light shifted, dimmed
even as he yanked it open. Storm clouds crept in, already shadowing the sea.
He turned for the cottage, and what he saw stopped him in his tracks. She'd
painted the shutters, was all he could think. The curtains she'd hung danced
gaily in the rising wind. She'd hung a basket beside the door and filled it
with flowers.
How was a man to resist such a woman?
How could it be a trap when she'd left everything, even herself, unlocked
and unguarded?
All or nothing? Why should he live with nothing?
He strode toward the cottage and three steps from the door found the way
barred to him. "No." Denial, and a lick of fear, roughened his voice
as he shoved uselessly at the air. "Damn you! You'd keep me from her
now?"
He called out to her, but her name was whisked away by the rising wind, and
the first drops of rain pelted down.
"All right, then. So be it." Panting, he stepped back. "We'll
see what comes at the end of the day."
So he went through the storm to the place that called to his blood.
She woke with a start, the sound of her own name in her ears. And woke in
the dark.
"Conal?" Disoriented, she climbed out of bed, reached for the
lamp. But no light beamed when she turned the switch. A storm, she thought
blearily. It was storming. She needed to close the windows.
She fumbled for the candle, then her hand jerked and knocked it off the
little table.
Dark? How could it be dark?
Time. What time was it? Frantically she searched for the candle, found a match.
Before she could light it, lightning flashed and she saw the dial of the little
wind-up clock.
Eleven o'clock.
No! It was impossible. She'd slept away all but the last hour of the longest
day.
"Conal?" She rushed out of the room, out of the house, into the
wind. Rain drenched her as she ran to his studio, fought to open the door.
Gone. He was gone. Struggling against despair, she felt along the wall for
the shelves, and on the shelves for the flashlight she'd seen there.
The thin beam made her sigh with relief, then her breath caught again at
what stood in the line of that light.
Her own face, her own body, made fanciful with wings. Did he see her that
way? Clever and confident and lovely?
"I feel that way. For the first time in my life, I feel that way."
Slowly, she shut the light off, set it aside. She knew where he'd gone, and
understood, somehow, that she was meant to find her own way there, as he had,
in the dark.
The world went wild as she walked, as wild as the day she had come to this
place. The ground shook, and the sky split, and the sea roared like a dragon.
Instead of fear, all she felt was the thrill of being part of it. This day
wouldn't pass into night without her. Closing her hand over the star between
her breasts, she followed the route that was clear as a map in her head.
Steep and rough was the path that cut through rock, and slippery with wet.
But she never hesitated, never faltered. The stones loomed above, giants
dancing in the tempest. In its heart, the midsummer fire burned, bright and
gold, despite the driving rain.
And facing it, the shadow that was a man.
Her heart, as she'd been told, knew.
"Conal."
He turned to her. His eyes were fierce as if whatever wild was in the night
pranced in him as well. "Allena."
"No, I've something to say." She walked forward, unhurried though
the air trembled. "There's always a choice, Conal, always another
direction. Do you think I'd want you without your heart? Do you think I'd hold
you with this?"
In a violent move she pulled the pendant from around her neck and threw it.
"No!" He grabbed for it, but the star only brushed his fingertips
before it landed inside the circle. "Can you cast it off so easily? And me
with it?"
"If I have to. I can go, make a life without you, and part of me will
always grieve. Or I can stay, make a home with you, bear your children, and
love you for everything you are. Those are my choices. You have yours."
She held out her arms. "There's nothing but me here to hold you. There
never was."
Emotions tumbled through him, end over end. "Twice I've let the people
I loved go without telling them. Even when I came here tonight I thought I
might do so again."
He pushed dripping hair away from his face. "I'm a moody man,
Allena."
"So you told me once before. I never would have known it
otherwise."
His breath came out in a half laugh. "You'd slap at me at such a
time?" He took a step toward her. "You painted the shutters."
"So what?"
"I'll make you pots in dark blue, to fill with your flowers."
"Why?"
"Because I love you."
She opened her mouth, closed it again, took a careful breath. "Because
I painted the shutters?"
"Yes. Because you would think to. Because you mended my mother's
curtains. Because you pick berries. Because you swim naked in the sea. Because
you look at me and see who I am. Whatever brought you here, brought us here,
doesn't matter. What I feel for you is all there is. Please, God, don't leave
me."
"Conal." The storm, inside her and around her, quieted. "You
only have to ask."
"They say there's magic here, but it's you who brought it. Would you
take me, Allena?" He reached for her hand, clasped it. "And give
yourself to me. Make that home and that life and those children with me. I
pledge to you I'll love you, and I'll treasure you, ever hour of every
day." He lifted her hand, pressed his lips to it. "I'd lost
something, and you brought it back to me. You've brought me my heart."
So, she thought, he'd found the key after all. "I'll take you, Conal,
and give myself to you." Her eyes were dry and clear and steady. "And
everything we make, we'll make together. I promise to love you now and ever
after."
As she wrapped her arms around him, the mists cleared. In the dark sea of
the sky a star began to pulse. The fire shimmered down to a pool of gold flame,
tipped red as ruby. The air went sharp and cool so the stones stood out like a
carving in glass.
And they sang in whispers.
"Do you hear it?" Allena murmured.
"Yes. There." He turned her, held her close to his side as the
shimmering beam from the midsummer star shot through the stones and like an
arrow pinned its light to its mate on the ground.
The pendant burst blue, a clean fire, star-shaped and brilliant. While star
joined star, the circle was the world, full of light and sound and power.
Then the longest day passed, slipping into the shortest night. The light
rippled, softened, faded. The stones sighed to silence.
Conal drew her farther into the circle. The fire rose up again, and shot
sparks into her eyes, stroked warmth over his skin. He bent to pick up the
pendant, and slipping the chain around her neck, sealed the promise.
"This belongs to you, and so do I."
"It belongs to me." She pressed their joined hands against it.
"Until it belongs to another. I'll always be yours."
She kissed him there, inside the echo of magic, then stepped back.
"Come home," she said.
Some say that the faeries came out of their raft to celebrate and danced
round the midsummer fire while the star showered the last of its light. But
those who had magic in their hearts and had pledged it left the circle, walked
from the cliffs and along the quiet beach to the cottage with dark blue
shutters that waited by the sea.
Roberts, Nora - Ever After
Ever After
Nora Roberts
Contents
Chapter 1
"This," the old woman said, "is for you."
Allena studied the pendant that swung gently from the thickly braided links
of a silver chain. Really, she'd only come in to browse. Her budget didn't
allow for impulse buys—which were, of course, the most fun and the most
satisfying. And her affection for all things impulsive was the very reason she
couldn't afford to indulge herself.
She shouldn't have entered the shop at all. But who could resist a tiny
little place tucked into the waterfront of a charming Irish village? Especially
a place called Charms and Cures.
Certainly not Allena Kennedy.
"It's beautiful, but I—"
"There's only one." The woman's eyes were faded and blue, like the
sea that slapped and spewed against the stone wall barely a stone's throw from
the door. Her hair was steel gray and bundled into a bun that lay heavy on her
thin neck.
She wore a fascinating rattle of chains and pins, but there was nothing,
Allena thought, like the pendant she held in her bony fingers. "Only
one?"
"The silver was cured in Dagda's Cauldron over the Midsummer's fire and
carved by the finger of Merlin. He that was Arthur's."
"Merlin?"
Allena was a sucker for tales of magic and heroics. Her stepsister Margaret
would have sniffed and said no, she was simply a sucker.
"The high king's sorcerer wandered through Ireland in his time. It was
here he found the Giant's Dance, and coveting it for Arthur, floated it away
over the Irish Sea to Britain. But while he took magic from this land, some he
also left." Watching Allena, she set the pendant swaying. "Here is
some, and it belongs to you."
"Well, I really can't…" But Allena trailed off, her gaze
locked on the pendant. It was a long oval, dulled and tarnished a bit, and
centered in it was a carving in the shape of a bursting star.
It seemed to catch the murky, cloud-filtered light coming through the small
shop window, hold it, expand it, so that it glittered hypnotically in Allena's
eyes. It seemed the star shimmered.
"I just came in to look around."
"Sure and if you don't look, you can't find, can you? You came looking,
all the way from America."
She'd come, Allena tried to remember, to assist Margaret with the tour
group. Margaret's business, A Civilized Adventure, was very
successful—and very regimented. Everyone said that Allena needed some
regimentation. And Margaret had been clear, brutally clear, that this
opportunity was her last chance.
"Be organized, be prepared, and be on time," Margaret had told her
as she'd sat behind her polished desk in her perfectly terrifying and perfectly
ordered office in New York. "If you can manage that, there might be a
chance for you. If you can't, I wash my hands of you, Lena."
It wouldn't be the first time someone had washed their hands of her. In the
past three years she'd lost three jobs. Well, four, but it didn't seem
necessary to count those hideous two days she'd spent as assistant to her
uncle's mother-in-law's sister.
It wasn't as if she'd spilled ink on the white Valentino gown on purpose.
And if the Social Dragon hadn't insisted that she use a fountain pen—I
mean, really—for all correspondence, there wouldn't have been ink to
spill.
But that wasn't the point, she reminded herself as she stared at the
pendant. She'd lost that job and all the others, and now Margaret was giving
her a chance to prove she wasn't a complete moron.
Which, Allena feared, she probably was.
"You need to find your place."
Blinking, Allena managed to tear her gaze away from the pendant and look
back into the old woman's eyes. They seemed so kind and wise. "Maybe I
don't have one."
"Oh, there now, each of us has one, but there are those who don't fit
so easily into the world the way others see it. And us. You've only been
looking in the wrong places. Till now. This," she said again,
"belongs to you."
"I really can't afford it." There was apology in her voice, even
as she reached out. Just to touch. And touching, she felt heat from the silver,
and terrible longing inside her. A thrill raced up her spine even as something
heavy seemed to settle over her heart.
It couldn't hurt to try it on. Surely there was no harm in just seeing how
it looked on her, how it felt.
As if in a dream, she took the chain from the old woman, slipped it around
her neck. The heaviness in her heart shifted. For a moment, the light through
the window strengthened, beamed brilliantly over the trinkets and pots of herbs
and odd little stones crammed on the shelves and counters.
An image swam into her mind, an image of knights and dragons, of wild wind
and water, of a circle of stones standing alone under a black and raging sky.
Then a shadow that was a man, standing still as the stones, as if waiting.
In her heart she knew he waited for her, as no one had before and no one
would after. And would wait, eternally.
Allena closed her hand over the pendant, ran her thumb over the star. Joy
burst through her, clear as the sunlight. Ah, she thought. Of course. It's
mine. Just as I'm his, and he's mine.
"How much is it?'' she heard herself say, and knew no price would be
too dear.
"Ten pounds, as a token."
"Ten?" She was already reaching for her purse. "It has to be
worth more." A king's ransom, a sorcerer's spell, a lover's dream.
"It is, of course." But the woman merely held out her hand for the
single note. "And so are you. Go on your journey,
a chuid, and
see."
"Thank you."
"You're a good lass," the woman said as Allena walked to the door.
And when it shut, her smile turned bright and crafty. "He won't be
pleased, but you'll bring him 'round by Midsummer's Eve. And if you need a bit
of help, well, that will be my pleasure."
Outside, Allena stared at the sea wall, the dock, the line of cottages as if
coming out of a dream. Odd, she thought, hadn't that all been wonderfully odd?
She traced a finger over the pendant again. Only one, cast in Dagda's Cauldron,
carved by Merlin.
Of course, Margaret would sneer and tell her that the old woman had a dozen
more in the stockroom ready to pass them off to birdbrained tourists. And
Margaret, as always, was probably right. But it didn't matter.
She had the pendant and a wonderful story to go with it. And all for ten
pounds. Quite a bargain.
She glanced up now, wincing. The sky was heavy with clouds, and all of them
were thick and gray. Margaret would not be pleased that the weather wasn't
falling in line with today's plans. The ferry ride to the island had been
meticulously arranged.
Tea and scones would be served on the trip over, while Margaret lectured her
twenty-person group on the history of the place they were about to visit. It
had been Allena's job to type up Margaret's notes and print the handouts.
First stop would be the visitors' center for orientation. There would be a
tour of a ruined abbey and graveyard, which Allena looked forward to, then
lunch, picnic style, which the hotel had provided in hampers. Lunch was to last
precisely sixty minutes.
They would then visit the beehive cottages, and Margaret would deliver a
lecture on their history and purpose. The group would be allotted an hour to
wander on their own, into the village, the shops, down to the beach, before
gathering at four-thirty on the dot for high tea at the restored castle, with,
naturally, another lecture on that particular spot.
It was Allena's job to keep all of Margaret's lecture notes in order, to
help herd the group, to watch valuables, to haul parcels should there be any,
and to generally make herself available for any and all menial chores.
For this she would be paid a reasonable salary by Margaret's definition.
But, more important, it was explained, she would receive training and
experience that, her family hoped, would teach her responsibility and maturity.
Which, by the age of twenty-five, she should have learned already.
There was no point in explaining that she didn't want to be responsible and
mature if it turned her into another Margaret. Here she was, four days into her
first tour and already something inside her was screaming to run away.
Dutifully, she quashed the rebellion, glanced at her watch. Stared at it,
dumbfounded.
That couldn't be. It was impossible. She'd only meant to slip into the shop
for a few minutes. She couldn't possibly have spent an hour in there. She
couldn't—oh, God, she
couldn't have missed the ferry.
Margaret would murder her.
Gripping the strap of her bag, she began to run.
She had long, dancer's legs and a slim build. The sturdy walking shoes
Margaret had ordered her to buy slapped pavement on her race to the ferry dock.
Her bag bounced heavily against her hip. Inside was everything ordered from the
Civilized Adventure directive and a great deal more.
The wind kicked in from the sea and sent her short blond hair into alarmed
spikes around her sharp-boned face. The alarm was in her eyes, gray as the clouds,
as well. It turned quickly to despair and self-disgust when she reached the
dock and saw the ferry chugging away.
"Damn it!" Allena grabbed her own hair and pulled viciously.
"That's it and that's all. I might as well jump in and drown myself."
Which would be more pleasant, she had no doubt, than the icy lecture Margaret
would deliver.
She'd be fired, of course, there was no doubt of it. But she was used to
that little by-product of her professional endeavors. The method of termination
would be torture.
Unless… There had to be another way to get to the island. If she could
get there, throw herself on Margaret's stingy supply of mercy, work like a dog,
forfeit her salary. Make an excuse. Surely she'd be able to come up with some
reason for missing the damn ferry.
She looked around frantically. There were boats, and if there were boats,
there were people who drove boats. She'd hire a boat, pay whatever it cost.
"Are you lost, then?"
Startled, she lifted a hand, closed it tight over her pendant. There was a
young man—hardly more than a boy, really, she noted—standing beside
a small white boat. He wore a cap over his straw-colored hair and watched her
out of laughing green eyes.
"No, not lost, late. I was supposed to be on the ferry." She
gestured, then let her arms fall. "I lost track of time."
"Well, time's not such a matter in the scheme of things."
"It is to my sister. I work for her." Quickly now, she headed down
toward him where the sea lapped the shore. "Is this your boat, or your
father's?"
"Aye, it happens it's mine."
It was small, but to her inexperienced eye looked cheerful. She had to hope
that made it seaworthy. "Could you take me over? I need to catch up. I'll
pay whatever you need."
It was just that sort of statement, Allena thought the minute the words left
her mouth, that would make Margaret cringe. But then bargaining wasn't a
priority at the moment. Survival was.
"I'll take you where you need to be." His eyes sparkled as he held
out a hand. "For ten pounds."
"Today everything's ten pounds." She reached for her purse, but he
shook his head.
"It was your hand I was reaching for, lady, not payment. Payment comes
when you get where you're going."
"Oh, thanks." She put her hand in his and let him help her into
the boat.
She sat starboard on a little bench while he cast off. Closing her eyes with
relief, she listened to the boy whistle as he went about settling to stern and
starting the motor. "I'm very grateful," she began. "My sister's
going to be furious with me. I don't know what I was thinking of."
He turned the boat, a slow and smooth motion. "And couldn't she have
waited just a bit?"
"Margaret?" The thought made Allena smile. "It wouldn't have
occurred to her."
The bow lifted, and the little boat picked up speed. "It would have
occurred to you,'' he said, and then they were skimming over the water.
Thrilled, she turned her face to the wind. Oh, this was better, much better,
than any tame ferry ride, lecture included. It was almost worth the price she
would pay at the end, and she didn't mean the pounds.
"Do you fish?" she called out to him.
"When they're biting."
"It must be wonderful to do what you want, when you want. And to live
so near the water. Do you love it?"
"I've a fondness for it, yes. Men put restrictions on men. That's an
odd thing to my way of thinking."
"I have a terrible time with restrictions. I can never remember
them." The boat leaped, bounced hard and made her laugh. "At this
rate, we'll beat the ferry."
The idea of that, the image of her standing on shore and giving Margaret a
smug look when the ferry docked, entertained Allena so much she didn't give a
thought to the shiver of lightning overhead or the sudden, ominous roar of the
sea.
When the rain began to pelt her, she looked around again, shocked that she
could see nothing but water, the rise and fall of it, the curtain that closed
off light.
"Oh, she won't like this a bit. Are we nearly there?"
"Nearly, aye, nearly." His voice was a kind of crooning that
smoothed nerves before they could fray. "Do you see there, through the
storm? There, just ahead, is where you need to be."
She turned. Through the rain and wind, she saw the darker shadow of land, a
rise of hills, the dip of valley in shapes only. But she knew, she already
knew.
"It's beautiful," she murmured.
Like smoke, it drifted closer. She could see the crash of surf now and the
cliffs that hulked high above. Then in the flash of lightning, she thought,
just for an instant, she saw a man.
Before she could speak, the boat was rocking in the surf, and the boy
leaping out into the thrashing water to pull them to shore.
"I can't thank you enough, really." Drenched, euphoric, she
climbed out onto the wet sand. "You'll wait for the storm to pass, won't
you?" she asked as she dug for her wallet.
"I'll wait until it's time to go. You'll find your way, lady. Through
the rain. The path's there."
"Thanks." She passed the note into his hand. She'd go to the
visitors' center, take shelter, find Margaret and do penance. "If you come
up with me, I'll buy you some tea. You can dry off."
"Oh, I'm used to the wet. Someone's waiting for you," he said,
then climbed back into his boat.
"Yes, of course." She started to run, then stopped. She hadn't
even asked his name. "I'm sorry, but—" When she rushed back,
there was nothing there but the crash of water against the shore.
Alarmed that he'd sailed back into that rising storm, she called out, began
to hurry along what she could see of the shore to try to find him. Lightning
flashed overhead, more vicious than exciting now, and the wind slapped at her
like a furious hand.
Hunching against it, she jogged up the rise, onto a path. She'd get to
shelter, tell someone about the boy. What had she been thinking of, not
insisting that he come with her and wait until the weather cleared?
She stumbled, fell, jarring her bones with the impact, panting to catch her
breath as the world went suddenly mad around her. Everything was howling wind,
blasting lights, booming thunder. She struggled to her feet and pushed on.
It wasn't fear she felt, and that baffled her. She should be terrified. Why
instead was she exhilarated? Where did this wicked thrill of anticipation,
of
knowledge, come from?
She had to keep going. There was something, someone, waiting. If she could
just keep going.
The way was steep, the rain blinding. Somewhere along the way she lost her
bag, but didn't notice.
In the next flash of light, she saw it. The circle of stones, rising out of
the rough ground like dancers trapped in time. In her head, or perhaps her
heart, she heard the song buried inside them.
With something like joy, she rushed forward, her hand around the pendant.
The song rose, like a crescendo, filling her, washing over her like a wave.
And as she reached the circle, took her first step inside, lightning struck
the center, the bolt as clear and well defined as a flaming arrow. She watched
the blue fire rise in a tower, higher, higher still, until it seemed to pierce
the low-hanging clouds. She felt the iced heat of it on her skin, in her bones.
The power of it hammered her heart.
And she fainted.
Chapter 2
The storm made him restless. Part of the tempest seemed to be inside him,
churning, crashing, waiting to strike out. He couldn't work. His concentration
was fractured. He had no desire to read, to putter, to simply be. And all of
those things were why he had come back to the island.
Or so he told himself.
His family had held the land, worked it, guarded it, for generations. The
O'Neils of Dolman had planted their seed here, spilled their blood and the
blood of their enemies for as far back as time was marked. And further still,
back into the murky time that was told only in songs.
Leaving here, going to Dublin to study, and to work, had been Conal's
rebellion, his escape from what others so blithely accepted as his fate. He
would not, as he'd told his father, be the passive pawn in the chess game of
his own destiny.
He would make his destiny.
And yet, here he was, in the cottage where the O'Neils had lived and died,
where his own father had passed the last day of his life only months before.
Telling himself it had been his choice didn't seem quite so certain on a day
where the wind lashed and screamed and the same violence of nature seemed to
thrash inside him.
The dog, Hugh, which had been his father's companion for the last year of
his life, paced from window to window, ears pricked up and a low sound rumbling
in his throat, more whimper than growl.
Whatever was brewing, the dog sensed it as well, so that his big gray bulk
streamed through the cottage like blown smoke. Conal gave a soft command in
Gaelic, and Hugh came over, bumping his big head under Conal's big hand.
There they stood, watching the storm together, the large gray dog and the
tall, broad-shouldered man, each with a wary expression. Conal felt the dog
shudder. Nerves or anticipation? Something, all Conal could think, was out
there in the storm.
Waiting.
"The hell with it. Let's see what it is."
Even as he spoke, the dog leaped toward the door, prancing with impatience
as Conal tugged a long black slicker off the peg. He swirled it on over rough
boots and rougher jeans and a black sweater that had seen too many washings.
When he opened the door, the dog shot out, straight into the jaws of the
gale. "Hugh!
Cuir uait!"
And though the dog did stop, skidding in the wet, he didn't bound back to
Conal's side. Instead he stood, ears still pricked, despite the pounding rain,
as if to say
hurry!
Cursing under his breath, Conal picked up his own pace, and let the dog take
the lead.
His black hair, nearly shoulder-length and heavy now with rain, streamed
back in the wind from a sharply-honed face. He had the high, long cheekbones of
the Celts, a narrow, almost aristocratic nose, and a well-defined mouth that
could look, as it did now, hard as granite. His eyes were a deep and passionate
blue.
His mother had said they were eyes that saw too much, and still looked for
more.
Now they peered through the rain, and down, as Hugh climbed, at the
turbulent toss of the sea. With the storm, the day was almost black as night,
and he cursed again at his own foolishness in being out in it.
He lost sight of Hugh around a turn on the cliff path. More irritated than
alarmed, he called the dog again, but all that answered was the low-throated,
urgent bark. Perfect, was all Conal could think. Now the both of us will likely
slip off the edge and bash our brains on the rocks.
He almost turned away, at that point very nearly retreated, for the dog was
surefooted and knew his way home. But he wanted to go on—too much wanted
to go on. As if something was tugging him forward, luring him on, higher and
higher still, to where the shadow of the stone dance stood, singing through the
wind.
Because part of him believed it, part of him he had never been able to fully
quiet, he deliberately turned away. He would go home, build up the fire, and
have a glass of whiskey in front of it until the storm blew itself out.
Then the howl came, a wild and primitive call that spoke of wolves and eerie
moonlight. The shudder that ran down Conal's spine was as primal as the call.
Grimly now, he continued up the path to see what caused young Hugh to bay.
The stones rose, gleaming with wet, haloed by the lightning strikes so that
they almost seemed to glow. A scent came to him, ozone and perfume. Hot, sweet,
and seductive.
The dog sat, his handsome head thrown back, his great throat rippling with
his feral call. There was something in it, Conal thought, that was somehow
triumphant.
"The stones don't need guarding," Conal muttered. He strode
forward, intending to grab the dog by the collar and drag them both back to the
warmth of the cottage.
And saw that it wasn't the stones Hugh guarded, but the woman who lay
between them.
Half in and half out of the circle, with one arm stretched toward the
center, she lay on her side almost as if sleeping. For a moment he thought he
imagined her, and wanted to believe he did. But when he reached her side, his
fingers instinctively going to her throat to check her pulse, he felt the warm
beat of life.
At his touch her lashes fluttered. Her eyes opened. They were gray as the
stones and met his with a sudden and impossible awareness. A smile curved her
lips, parted them as she lifted a hand to his cheek.
"There you are," she said, and with a sigh closed her eyes again.
Her hand slid away from his cheek to fall onto the rain-trampled grass.
Delirious, he told himself, and most likely a lunatic. Who else would climb
the cliffs in a storm? Ignoring the fact that he'd done so himself, he turned
her over, seeing no choice but to cart her back to the cottage.
And when he started to gather her into his arms, he saw the pendant, saw the
carving on it in another spit of lightning.
His belly pitched. His heart gave one violent knock against his chest, like
an angry fist.
"Damn it."
He stayed crouched as he was, closing his eyes while the rain battered both
of them.
She woke slowly, as if floating lazily through layers of thin, white clouds.
A feeling of well-being cushioned her, like satin pillows edged with the
softest of lace. Savoring it, she lay still while sunlight played on her
eyelids, cruised warm over her face. She could smell smoke, a pleasant, earthy
scent, and another fragrance, a bit darker, that was man.
She enjoyed that mix, and when she opened her eyes, her first thought was
she'd never been happier in her life.
It lasted seconds only, that sensation of joy and safety, of contentment and
place. Then she shot up in bed, confused, alarmed, lost.
Margaret! She'd missed the ferry. The boat. The boy in the boat. And
the storm. She'd gotten caught in it and had lost her way. She couldn't quite
remember, couldn't quite separate the blurry images.
Stones, higher than a man and ringed in a circle. The blue fire that burned
in the center without scorching the grass. The wild scream of the wind. The low
hum of the stones.
A wolf howling. Then a man. Tall, dark, fierce, with eyes as blue as that
impossible fire. Such anger in his face. But it hadn't frightened her. It had
amused her. How strange.
Dreams, of course. Just dreams. She'd been in some sort of accident.
Now she was in someone's house, someone's bed. A simple room, she thought,
looking around to orient herself. No, not simple, she corrected, spartan. Plain
white walls, bare wood floor, no curtains at the window. There was a dresser, a
table and lamp and the bed. As far as she could tell, there was nothing else in
the room but herself.
Gingerly now, she touched her head to see if there were bumps or cuts, but
found nothing to worry her. Using the same caution, she turned back the sheet,
let out a little sigh of relief. Whatever sort of accident there'd been, it
didn't appear to have hurt her.
Then she gaped, realizing she wore nothing but a shirt, and it wasn't her
own. A man's shirt, faded blue cotton, frayed at the cuffs. And huge.
Okay, that was okay. She'd been caught in the storm. Obviously she had
gotten soaked. She had to be grateful that someone had taken care of her.
When she climbed out of bed, the shirt hung halfway to her knees. Modest
enough. At her first step, the dog came to the door. Her heart gave a little
hitch, then settled.
"So at least you're real. Aren't you handsome?" She held out a
hand and had the pleasure of him coming to her to rub his body against her
legs. "And friendly. Good to know. Where's everyone else?"
With one hand on the dog's head, she walked to the bedroom door and
discovered a living area that was every bit as spartan. A couch and chair, a
low burning fire, a couple of tables. With some relief she saw her clothes laid
over a screen in front of the fire.
A check found them still damp. So, she hadn't been
asleep—unconscious—for long. The practical thing to do, now that
she'd apparently done everything impractical, was to find her rescuer, thank
him, wait for her clothes to dry, then track down Margaret and beg for mercy.
The last part would be unpleasant, and probably fruitless, but it had to be
done.
Bolstering herself for the task, Allena went to the door, opened it. And let
out a soft cry of sheer delight.
The watery sunlight shimmered over the hills, and the hills rolled up green
in one direction, tumbled down in the other toward the rock-strewn shore. The
sea reared and crashed, the walls of waves high and wonderful. She had an urge
to rush out, to the edge of the slope, and watch the water rage.
Just outside the cottage was a garden gone wild so that flowers tangled with
weeds and tumbled over themselves. The smell of them, of the air, of the sea
had her gulping in air, holding her breath as if to keep that single sharp
taste inside her forever.
Unable to resist, she stepped out, the dog beside her, and lifted her face
to the sky.
Oh, this place! Was there ever a more perfect spot? If it were hers, she
would stand here every morning and thank God for it.
Beside her, the dog let out one quiet woof, at which she rested her hand on
his head again and glanced over at the little building, with its rough stone,
thatched roof, wide-open windows.
She started to smile, then the door of it opened. The man who came out
stopped as she did, stared as she did. Then with his mourn hard set, he started
forward.
His face swam in front of her. The crash of the sea filled her head with
roaring. Dizzy, she held out a hand to him, much as she had to the dog.
She saw his mouth move, thought she heard him swear, but she was already
pitching forward into the dark.
Chapter 3
She looked like a faerie, standing there in a wavery sunbeam. Tall and
slender, her bright hair cropped short, her eyes long-lidded, tilted at the
tips, and enormous.
Not a beauty. Her face was too sharp for true beauty, and her mouth a bit
top-heavy. But it was an intriguing face, even in rest.
He'd thought about it even after he'd dumped her in bed after carrying her
in from the storm. Undressing her had been an annoying necessity, which he'd
handled with the aloof detachment of a doctor. Then, once she was dry and
settled, he'd left her, without a backward glance, to burn off some of the
anger in work.
He worked very well in a temper.
He didn't want her here. He didn't want her. And, he told himself, he
wouldn't have her, no matter what the fates decreed.
He was his own man.
But now when he came out, saw her standing in the doorway, in the sunlight,
he felt the shock of it sweep through him—longing, possession,
recognition, delight, and despair. All of those in one hard wave rose inside
him, swamped him.
Before he could gain his feet, she was swaying.
He didn't manage to catch her. Oh, in the storybooks, he imagined, his feet
would have grown wings and he'd have flown across the yard to pluck her nimbly
into his arms before she swooned. But as it was, she slid to the ground, melted
wax pooling into the cup and taking all the candle as well, before he'd closed
half the distance.
By the time he reached her, those long gray eyes were already opening again,
cloudy and dazed. She stared at him, the corners of her mouth trembling up.
"I guess I'm not steady yet," she said in that pretty American
voice. "I know it's a cliché and predictable, but I have to say
it—where am I?''
She looked ridiculously appealing, lying there between the flowers, and made
him all too aware she wore nothing but one of his shirts. "You're on
O'Neil land."
"I got lost—a bad habit of mine. The storm came up so fast."
"Why are you here?"
"Oh, I got separated from the group. Well, I was late—another bad
habit—and missed the ferry. But the boy brought me in his boat." She
sat up then. "I hope he's all right. He must be, as he seemed to know what
he was doing and it was such a quick trip anyway. Is the visitors' center
far?"
"The visitors' center?"
"I should be able to catch up with them, though it won't do me a lot of
good. Margaret'll fire me, and I deserve it."
"And who is Margaret?"
"My stepsister. She owns A Civilized Adventure. I'm working for
her—or I did work for her for the last twenty-three days." She let
out a breath, tried the smile again. "I'm sorry. I'm Allena Kennedy, the
moron. Thank you for helping me."
He glanced down at the hand she held out, then with some reluctance took it.
Instead of shaking it, he pulled her to her feet. "I've a feeling you're
more lost than you know, Miss Kennedy, as there's no visitors' center here on
Dolman Island."
"Dolman? But that's not right." The hand in his flexed, balled
into a little fist of nerves. "I'm not supposed to be on Dolman Island.
Oh, damn it. Damn it! It's my fault. I wasn't specific with the boy. He seemed
to know where I was going, was supposed to be going. Or maybe he got turned
around in the storm, too. I hope he's all right."
She paused, looked around, sighed. "Not just fired," she murmured.
"Disinherited, banished, and mortified all in one morning. I guess all I
can do is go back to the hotel and wait to face the music."
"Well, it won't be today."
"Excuse me?"
Conal looked out to sea, studying the crashing wall of waves. "You
won't find your way back today, and likely not tomorrow, as there's more coming
our way."
"But—" She was talking to his back as he walked inside as
though he hadn't just sealed her doom. "I have to get back. She'll be
worried."
"There'll be no ferry service in these seas, and no boatman with a
brain in his head would chance the trip back to the mainland."
She sat on the arm of a chair, closed her eyes. "Well, that caps it. Is
there a phone? Could I use your phone to call the hotel and leave a
message?"
"The phones are out."
"Of course they are." She watched him go to the fire to add some
bricks of turf. Her clothes hung on the screen like a recrimination. "Mr.
O'Neil?"
"Conal." He straightened, turned to her. "All the women I
undress and put into bed call me Conal."
It was a test, deliberately provocative. But she didn't flush or fire.
Instead her eyes lit with humor. "All the men who undress me and put me
into bed call me Lena."
"I prefer Allena."
"Really? So do I, but it seems to be too many syllables for most
people. Anyway, Conal, is there a hotel or a bed-and-breakfast where I can stay
until the ferry's running again?"
"There's no hotel on Dolman. It's a rare tourist who comes this far.
And the nearest village, of which there are but three, is more than eight
kilometers away."
She gave him a level look. "Am I staying here?"
"Apparently."
She nodded, rubbing her hand absently over Hugh's broad back as she took
stock of her surroundings. "I appreciate it, and I'll try not to be a
nuisance."
"It's a bit late for that, but we'll deal with it." When her only
response was to lift her eyebrows and stare steadily, he felt a tug of shame.
"Can you make a proper pot of tea?"
"Yes."
He gestured toward the kitchen that was separated from the living area by a
short counter. "The makings are in there. I've a few things to see to,
then we'll talk this out over a cup."
"Fine." The word was rigidly and properly polite. Only the single
gunshot bang of a cupboard door as he started out again told him she was
miffed.
She'd make the damn tea, she thought, jerking the faucet on to fill the
kettle, which was no easy matter since the cast-iron sink was loaded with
dishes. And she'd be grateful for Conal O'Neil's hospitality, however
reluctantly, however
rudely given.
Was it her fault she'd ended up on the wrong island? Was it her fault she'd
gotten turned around in a storm and passed out and had to be carted back to his
house? Was it her fault she had nowhere else to go?
Well, yes. She rolled her eyes and began to empty the dishes out of the sink
so that she could fill it with soapy water and wash them. Yes, technically it
was
her fault. Which just made it all the more annoying.
When she got back to New York she would be jobless. Again. And once more
she'd be the object of pity, puzzlement, and pursed lips. And that was her
fault, too. Her family expected her to fail now—flighty, scatterbrained
Lena.
Worse, she realized, was that she expected it, too.
The problem was she wasn't particularly good at anything. She had no real
skill, no craft, and no driving ambitions.
She wasn't lazy, though she knew Margaret would disagree. Work didn't
frighten her. Business did.
But that was tomorrow's problem, she reminded herself as she dealt with the
dishes and waited for the kettle to boil. Today's problem was Conal O'Neil and
how to handle the situation she'd put them both into.
A situation, she thought, as she went about stacking dishes, wiping
counters, heating the teapot, that should have been thrilling. A storm-swept
island; a handsome, brooding man; a cozy, if rustic, cottage isolated from the
world.
This, she decided, perking up, was an adventure. She was going to find a way
to enjoy it before the axe fell.
When Conal came back in, the old teapot was sitting snugly in a frayed and
faded cozy. Cups and saucers were set on the table, and the table scrubbed
clean. The sink was empty, the counters sparkling, and the chocolate biscuits
he'd had in a tin were arranged prettily on a plate.
"I was hungry." She was already nibbling on one. "I hope you
don't mind."
"No." He'd nearly forgotten what it was like to sit down and have
tea in tidiness. Her little temper snap appeared to be over as well, he noted.
She looked quietly at home in his kitchen, in his shirt.
"So." She sat down to pour. The one thing she was good at was
conversation. She'd often been told she was too good at it. "You live here
alone?"
"I do."
"With your dog."
"Hugh. He was my father's. My father died some months back."
She didn't say she was sorry, as so many—too many—would have.
But her eyes said it, and that made it matter more. "It's a beautiful
spot. A perfect spot. That's what I was thinking before I fell into your
garden. You grew up here?"
"I did."
"I grew up in New York, in the city. It never fit, somehow." She
studied him over her teacup. "This fits you. It's wonderful to find the
right fit. Everyone in my family fits except me. My parents and Margaret and
James—my brother and sister. Their mother died when Margaret was twelve
and James ten. Their father met my mother a couple of years later, then they
married and had me."
"And you're Cinderella?"
"No, nothing as romantic as that." But she sighed and thought how
lovely it would be. "Just the misfit. They're all brilliant, you see.
Every one of them. My father's a doctor, a surgeon. My mother's a lawyer. James
is a wildly successful cosmetic surgeon, and Margaret has her own business with
A Civilized Adventure."
"Who would want an adventure civilized?"
"Yes." Delighted, Allena slapped a palm on the table. "That's
exactly what I thought. I mean, wouldn't regimenting it mean it wasn't an
adventure at all? But saying that to Margaret earned me a twenty-minute
lecture, and since her business is thriving, there you go."
The light was already shifting, he noted, as a new sea of clouds washed in.
But there was enough of the sun yet to sprinkle over her hair, into her eyes.
And make his fingers itch for a pencil.
He knew just what he would do with her, exactly how it would be. Planning
it, he let his gaze wander over her. And nearly jolted when he saw the pendant.
He'd all but forgotten it.
"Where did you get that?"
She'd seen those vivid blue eyes travel down, had felt a shiver of response,
and now another of relief that—she hoped—it was the pendant that
interested him.
"This? It's the heart of my problem."
She'd meant it as a joke, but his gaze returned to her face, all but seared
the flesh with the heat of it. "Where did you get it?"
Though the edge to his voice puzzled her, she shrugged. "There was a
little shop near the waterfront. The display window was just crammed with
things. Wonderful things. Magic."
"Magic."
"Elves and dragons, books and jewelry in lovely, fascinating shapes. A
hodgepodge, but a crafty one. Irresistible. I only meant to go in for a minute.
I had time before we were to meet at the ferry. But the old woman showed me
this, and somehow while we were talking, time just went away. I didn't mean to
buy it, either. But I do a lot of things I don't mean to do."
"You don't know what it is?"
"No." She closed her hand over it, felt that low vibration that
couldn't be there, blinked as something tried to slide in on the edge of her
vision. "It feels old, but it can't be old, not valuably old, because it
only cost ten pounds."
"Value's different for one than for another." He reached out. It
was irresistible. With his eyes steady and level he closed his hand over hers
that held the pendant.
The jolt snapped into her, sharp as an electric current. The air seemed to
turn the blue of lightning. She was on her feet, her head tipping back to keep
her eyes locked with his as he shoved back from the table with enough violence
to send his chair crashing.
That same violence was in him when his mouth crushed hers. The need, so
bright, so strong, so right, whipped through her even as the wind rushed sudden
and sharp through the window at her back. Her hand fisted in his hair, her body
lifted itself to his.
And fit.
The pounding of her heart was like a song, each note a thrill. Here, with
him, it was enough, even if the world crumbled to dust around them.
He couldn't stop. The taste of her was like water, cool and clean, after a
lifetime of thirst. Empty pockets he hadn't known he carried inside him filled,
bulged, overflowed. His blood was a rage of heat, his body weak with wanting.
He gathered the back of the shirt in his bunched fingers, prepared to rip.
Then they dropped the pendant they held between them to reach for each
other. And he snapped back as if from a blow.
"This is not what I want." He took her shoulders, intending to
shake her, but only held her. She looked dazed. Faerie-struck. "This is
not what I'll accept."
"Would you let me go?" Her voice was low, but it didn't quaver.
When he did, and stepped back, she let out a short, quiet breath. There was no
point in being a coward, she told herself.
"I have a couple of choices here," she began. "One is I hit
my head when I fell and I have a concussion. The other is that I just fell in
love with you. I think I prefer the concussion theory, and I imagine you do,
too."
"You didn't hit your head." He jammed his hands in his pockets and
strode away from her. The room was suddenly too small. "And people don't
fall in love in an instant, over one kiss."
"Sensible ones don't. I'm not sensible. Ask anyone." But if there
was ever a time to try to be, it was now.
"I think I should get dressed, take a walk, clear my head or
whatever."
"Another's storm's brewing."
Allena tugged her clothes off the screen. "You're telling me," she
muttered and marched into the bedroom.
Chapter 4
Conal wasn't in the cottage when she came out again, but Hugh sat by the
fire as if waiting for her. He got up as she came through and pranced to the
door, turning his big head so that his eyes met hers.
"Want a walk? Me, too."
It was a pity about the gardens, Allena thought as she paused between them.
She'd
have enjoyed getting down into them, yanking out those choking
weeds, pinching off deadheads. An hour's pleasant work, she thought, maybe two,
and instead of looking wild and neglected, those tumbling blossoms would just
look wild. Which is what was needed here.
Not her job, she told herself, not her home, not her place. She cast an eye
at the little outbuilding. He was probably in there doing… whatever the
hell he did. And doing it, she imagined, angrily.
Why was there so much anger in him?
Not her problem, she thought, not her business, not her man.
Though for a moment, when their hands and mouths were joined, he had seemed
to be.
I don't want this. I don't want you.
He'd made himself very clear. And she was tired of finding herself plopped
down where she wasn't wanted.
The wind raced in off the sea, driving thick black-edged clouds toward the
island. As she began to walk, she could see the pale and hopeful blue being
gradually, inevitably consumed.
Conal was right. A storm was coming.
Walking along the shoreline couldn't do any harm. She wouldn't climb the
hills, though she longed to. She would just stick to the long curve of surf and
sand and enjoy the jittery thrill of watching the fierce waves crash.
Hugh seemed content to walk at her side. Almost, she thought, like a guard.
Eight kilometers to the nearest village, she remembered. That wasn't so very
far. She could wait for the weather to clear, then walk it if Conal wouldn't
drive her. There'd been a truck parked between the cottage and the outbuilding,
a sleek and modern thing, anachronistic but surely serviceable.
Why had he kissed her like that?
No, that wasn't right. It hadn't been his doing. It had simply happened, to
both of them. For both of them. There'd been a roar in her head, in her blood,
that she'd never experienced before. More than passion, she thought now, more
than lust. It was a kind of desperate recognition.
There you are. Finally. At last.
That, of course, was ridiculous, but she had no other way to explain what
had spurted to life inside her. And what had spread from that first hot gush
felt like love.
You couldn't love what you didn't know. You couldn't love where there was no
understanding, no foundation, no history. Her head told her all these sensible,
rational things. And her heart laughed at them.
It didn't matter. She could be conflicted, puzzled, annoyed, even willing to
accept. But it didn't matter when he didn't want her or what had flamed to life
between them.
She stopped, let the wind beat its frantic wings over her, let the spray from
the waves fly on her. Overhead a gull, white as the moon, let out its
triumphant scream and streamed off in the current of electric air.
Oh, she envied that freedom, for the heart of flight was inside her. To
simply fly away, wherever the wind took her. And to know that when she landed,
it would be her place, her time, her triumph.
But you have to live in the present, don't you, Lena? Her mother's
patient and puzzled voice murmured in her ear.
You have to apply yourself,
to pay attention. You can't keep drifting this way and make something of
yourself. It's time you focused on a career, put your considerable energy into
making your mark.
And under that voice, unsaid, was
You disappoint me.
"I know it. I'm sorry. It's awful. I wish I could tell you how awful it
is to know I'm your only failure."
She would do better, Allena promised herself. She'd talk Margaret into
giving her a second chance. Somehow. Then she'd work harder, pay more
attention, be responsible, be practical.
Be miserable.
The dog bumped his head against her leg, rubbed his warm fur against her.
The small gesture comforted her and turning away from the water, she continued
to walk along its verge.
She'd come out to clear her head, she reminded herself, not to fill it with
more problems. Surely there couldn't be a more perfect spot for easing heart
and mind. Under those threatening skies, the rough hills shone, the wicked
cliffs gleamed. Wildflowers, dots and splashes of color, tangled in the green
and gray, and she saw a shadowy spread of purple that was heather.
She wanted to gather it, fill her arms with it, bury her face in the scent.
Delighted with the idea, she turned to scramble over rocks where sprigs of it
thrived in the thin soil, then higher to mounds bumpy and thick until the
fragrance of it overpowered even the primitive perfume of the sea.
When her arms were full, she wanted more. Laughing, she hurried along a
narrow path. Then stopped dead. Startled, she shook her head. She heard the
oddest hum. She started to step forward again, and couldn't. Simply couldn't.
It was as if a wall of glass stood between her and the next slope of rock and
flowers.
"My God, what is this?"
She lifted a trembling hand, sending sprigs of heather falling, then flying
free in the wind. She felt no barrier, but only a kind of heat when her hand
pressed the air. And try as she might, she couldn't push through it.
Lightning burst. Thunder rolled. Through it, she heard the sound of her
name. She looked down to the beach, half expecting to see dragons or sorcerers.
But it was only Conal, standing with his legs spread, his hair flying, and his
eyes annoyed.
"Come down from there. You've no business clambering up the rocks when
a storm's breaking."
What a picture she made. He'd come after her out of responsibility, he liked
to think. But he'd been dumbstruck when he'd seen her walking the cliff path in
the eerie light, her hair fluttering, her arms overflowing with flowers. It
made him want to climb after her, to whirl her and her flowers into his arms,
to press his mouth to hers again while the wind whipped savagely over them.
Because he wanted it, could all but taste her, his tone was blade-sharp when
she met him on the beach. "Have you no more sense than to pick flowers in
such weather?"
"Apparently not. Would you walk down there?"
"What?"
"Just humor me, and walk down the beach five more feet."
"Maybe you did rattle your brains." He started to grab her hand,
pull her away, but she took a nimble step aside.
"Please. It'll only take you a minute."
He hissed out an oath, then strode off, one foot, two, three. His abrupt
halt had Allena closing her eyes, shivering once. "You can't do it, can
you? You can't go any farther than that. Neither could I." She opened her
eyes again, met his furious ones when he turned. "What does it mean?"
"It means we deal with it. We'll go back. I've no desire to find myself
drenched to the skin a second time in one day."
He said nothing on the way back, and she let him have his silence. The first
fat drops of rain splattered as they reached the cottage door.
"Do you have anything to put these in?" she asked him.
"They'll need water, and I'd like to keep my hands busy while you explain
things to me."
He shrugged, made a vague gesture toward the kitchen, then went to add more
turf to the fire.
It was a downpour. The wind rose to a howl, and she began to gather vases
and bottles and bowls. When he remained silent, scowling into the fire, she
heated up the tea.
He glanced over when she poured the cups, then went into the kitchen himself
to take out a bottle of whiskey. A healthy dollop went into his own tea, then
he lifted a brow, holding the bottle over hers.
"Well, why not?"
But when it was laced, she picked up the flowers instead of the cup and
began to tuck them into vases. "What is this place? Who are you?"
"I've told you that already."
"You gave me names." The homey task calmed her, as she'd known it
would. When her gaze lifted to his again, it was direct and patient.
"That's not what I meant."
He studied her, then nodded. Whether she could handle it or not, she
deserved to know. "Do you know how far out in the sea you are?"
"A mile, two?"
"More than ten."
"Ten? But it couldn't have taken more than twenty minutes to get
here—and in rough weather."
"More than ten miles out is Dolman Island from the southwest coast of
Ireland. Here we straddle the Atlantic and Celtic Seas. Some say the silkies
come here, to shed their hides and sun on the rocks in human form. And the
faeries come out of their rafts under the hills to dance in the
moonlight."
Allena slipped the stems of shorter blossoms into a squat bottle. "Do
you say it?"
"Some say," he continued without answering, "that my
great-grandmother left her raft, her palace under the hill, and pledged herself
to my great-grandfather on the night of the summer solstice while they stood by
the king stone of the dance on the cliffs. One hundred years ago. As a hundred
years before, another with my blood stood with his woman in that same place to
pledge. And a century before that as well, and always on that same night in
that same place when the star shows itself."
She touched her pendant. "This star?"
"They say."
"And in two days it's the solstice, and your turn?"
"If I believed my great-grandmother was other than a simple woman, that
I have elfin blood in my veins and could be directed to pledge to a woman
because of the way a star shines through the stones, I wouldn't be in this
place."
"I see." She nodded and carried one of the vases into the living
room to set it on a table. "So you're here to prove that everything you've
just told me is nonsense."
"Can you believe otherwise?"
She had no idea what she believed, but had a feeling there was a great deal,
a very great deal, that she
could believe. "Why couldn't I walk
away from here, Conal? Why couldn't you?"
She left the question hanging, walked back into the kitchen. She took a sip
of her tea, felt the hot flow of whiskey slide into her, then began to select
her other arrangements and put them where she liked. "It would be hard for
you, being told this story since you were a child, being expected to accept
it."
"Can you accept it?" he demanded. "Can you just shrug off
education and reason and accept that you're to belong to me because a legend
says so?"
"I would've said no." Pleasing herself, she set bottles of heather
on the narrow stone mantel over the simmering fire. "I would have been
intrigued, amused, maybe a little thrilled at the idea of it all. Then I would
have laughed it off. I would have," she said as she turned to face him.
"Until I kissed you and felt what I felt inside me, and inside you."
"Desire's an easy thing."
"That's right, and if that had been it, if that had been all, we'd both
have acted on it. If that had been all, you wouldn't be angry now, with
yourself and with me."
"You're awfully bloody calm about it."
"I know." She smiled then, couldn't help herself. "Isn't that
odd? But then, I'm odd. Everyone says so. Lena, the duck out of water, the
square peg, the fumbler always just off center. But I don't feel odd or out of
place here. So it's easier for me to be calm."
Nor did she look out of place, he thought, wandering through the cottage
placing her flowers. "I don't believe in magic."
"And I've looked for it all my life." She took a sprig of heather,
held it out to him. "So, I'll make you a promise."
"You don't owe me promises. You don't owe me anything."
"It's free. I won't hold you with legends or magic. When I can leave,
if that's what you want, I'll go."
"Why?"
"I'm in love with you, and love doesn't cling."
Humbled, he took the heather, slipped it into her hair. "Allena, it
takes clear eyes to recognize what's in the heart so easily. I don't have them.
I'll hurt you." He skimmed his fingers down her cheek. "And I find
I'd rather not."
"I'm fairly sturdy. I've never been in love before, Conal, and I might
be terrible at it. But right now it suits me, and that's enough."
He refused to believe anything could be so simple. "I'm drawn to you. I
want my hands on you. I want you under me. If that's all, it might not be
enough for you, or for me in the end. So it's best to stand back."
He walked to the peg, tugged down his slicker. "I need to work,"
he said, and went out into the rain.
It would be more than she'd had, she realized, and knew that if necessary,
she could make it enough.
The storm was only a grumble when he came back. Evening was falling, soft
and misty. The first thing he noticed when he stepped inside, was the scent.
Something hot and rich that reminded his stomach it was empty.
Then he noticed the little changes in the living room. Just a few subtle
touches: a table shifted, cushions smoothed. He wouldn't have noticed the dust,
but he noticed the absence of it, and the faint tang of polish.
She'd kept the fire going, and the light, mixed with that of the candles
she'd found and set about, was welcoming. She'd put music on as well and was
humming along to it as she worked in the kitchen.
Even as he hung up his slicker, the tension he'd carried through his work
simply slid off his shoulders.
"I made some soup," she called out. "I hunted up some herbs
from the kitchen bed, foraged around in here. You didn't have a lot to work
with, so it's pretty basic."
"It smells fine. I'm grateful."
"Well, we have to eat, don't we?"
"You wouldn't say that so easy if I'd been the one doing the
cooking." She'd already set the table, making the mismatched plates and
bowls look cheerful and clever instead of careless. There were candles there,
too, and one of the bottles of wine he'd brought from Dublin stood breathing on
the counter.
She was making biscuits.
"Allena, you needn't have gone to such trouble."
"Oh, I like puttering around. Cooking's kind of a hobby." She
poured him wine. "Actually, I took lessons. I took a lot of lessons. This
time I thought maybe I'd be a chef or open my own restaurant."
"And?"
"There's a lot more to running a restaurant than cooking. I'm horrible
at business. As for the chef idea, I realized you had to cook pretty much the
same things night after night, and on demand, to suit the menu, you know? So,
it turned into one of my many hobbies." She slipped the biscuits into the
oven. "But at least this one has a practical purpose. So." She dusted
her hands on the dishcloth she'd tucked into her waistband. "I hope you're
hungry."
He flashed a grin that made her heart leap. "I'm next to
starving."
"Good." She set out the dish of cheese and olives she'd put
together. "Then you won't be critical."
Where he would have ladled the soup straight from the kettle, she poured it
into a thick white bowl. Already she'd hunted out the glass dish his mother had
used for butter and that he hadn't seen for years. The biscuits went in a
basket lined with a cloth of blue and white checks. When she started to serve
the soup, he laid a hand over hers.
"I'll do it. Sit."
The scents alone were enough to make him weep in gratitude. The first taste
of herbed broth thick with hunks of vegetables made him close his eyes in
pleasure.
When he opened them again, she was watching him with amused delight. "I
like your hobby," he told her. "I hope you'll feel free to indulge
yourself with it as long as you're here."
She selected a biscuit, studied it. It was so gratifying to see him smile.
"That's very generous of you."
"I've been living on my own poor skills for some months now." His
eyes met hers, held. "You make me realize what I've missed. I'm a moody
man, Allena."
"Really?" Her voice was so mild the insult nearly slipped by him.
But he was quick.
He laughed, shook his head, and spooned up more soup. "It won't be a
quiet couple of days, I'm thinking."
Chapter 5
He slept in his studio. It seemed the wisest course.
He wanted her, and that was a problem. He had no doubt she would have shared
the bed with him, shared herself with him. As much as he would have preferred
that to the chilly and narrow cot crammed into his work space, it didn't seem
fair to take advantage of her romantic notions.
She fancied herself in love with him.
It was baffling, really, to think that a woman could make such a decision,
state it right out, in a fingersnap of time. But then, Allena Kennedy wasn't
like any of the other women who'd passed in and out of his life. A complicated
package, she was, he thought. It would have been easy to dismiss her as a
simple, almost foolish sort. At a first and casual glance.
But Conal wasn't one for casual glances. There were layers to
her—thoughtful, bubbling, passionate, and compassionate layers. Odd,
wasn't it? he mused, that she didn't seem to recognize them in herself.
That lack of awareness added one more layer, and that was sweetness.
Absently, with his eyes still gritty from a restless night, he began to
sketch. Allena Kennedy from New York City, the square peg in what appeared to
be a family of conformists. The woman who had yet to find herself, yet seemed
perfectly content to deal with where she'd landed. A modern woman, certainly,
but one who still accepted tales of magic.
No, more than accepted, he thought now. She embraced them. As if she'd just
been waiting to be told where it was she'd been going all along.
That he wouldn't do, refused to do. All his life he'd been told this day
would come. He wouldn't passively fall in, give up his own will. He had come
back to this place at this time to prove it.
And he could almost hear the fates giggling.
Scowling, he studied what he'd drawn. It was Allena with her long eyes and
sharp bones, the short and shaggy hair that suited that angular face and
slender neck. And at her back, he'd sketched in the hint of faerie wings.
They suited her as well.
It annoyed the hell out of him.
Conal tossed the pad aside. He had work to do, and he'd get to it as soon as
he'd had some tea.
The wind was still up. The morning sun was slipping through the stacked
clouds to dance over the water. The only thunder now was the crash and boom of
waves on the shore. He loved the look of it, that changing and capricious sea.
His years in Dublin hadn't been able to feed this single need in him, for the
water and the sky and the rough and simple land that was his.
However often he left, wherever he went, he would always be drawn back. For
here was heart and soul.
Turning away from the sea, he saw her.
She knelt in the garden, flowers rioting around her and the quiet morning
sun shimmering over her hair. Her face was turned away from him, but he could
see it in his mind. She would have that half-dreaming, contented look in her
eyes as she tugged away the weeds he'd ignored.
Already the flowers looked cheerful, as if pleased with the attention after
weeks of neglect.
There was smoke pluming from the chimney, a broom propped against the front
wall. She'd dug a basket out of God knew where, and in this she tossed the
weeds. Her feet were bare.
Warmth slid into him before he could stop it and murmured
welcome in
his ear.
"You don't have to do that."
She looked up at his voice, and she was indeed happy. "They needed it.
Besides, I love flowers. I have pots of them all over my apartment, but this is
so much better. I've never seen snapdragons so big." She traced a finger
on a spike of butter-yellow blooms. "They always make me think of
Alice."
"Alice?"
"In Wonderland. I've already made tea." She got to her feet, then
winced at the dirt on the knees of her trousers. "I guess I should've been
more careful. It's not like I have a vast wardrobe to choose from at the
moment. So. How do you like your eggs?"
He started to tell her she wasn't obliged to cook his breakfast. But he
remembered just how fine the soup had been the night before. "Scrambled
would be nice, if it's no trouble."
"None, and it's the least I can do for kicking you out of your own
bed." She stepped up to the door, then turned. Her eyes were eloquent, and
patient. "You could have stayed."
"I know it."
She held his gaze another moment, then nodded. "You had some bacon in
your freezer. I took it out last night to thaw. Oh, and your shower dripped. It
just needed a new washer."
He paused at the doorway, remembered, as he hadn't in years, to wipe his
feet. "You fixed the shower?"
"Well, it dripped." She was already walking into the kitchen.
"You probably want to clean up. I'll get breakfast started."
He scratched the back of his neck. "I'm grateful."
She slanted him a look. "So am I."
When he went into the bedroom, she did a quick dance, hugged herself. Oh,
she loved this place. It was a storybook, and she was right in the middle of
it. She'd awakened that morning half believing it had all been a dream. But
then she'd opened her eyes to that misty early light, had smelled the faint
drift of smoke from the dying fire, the tang of heather she'd put beside the
bed.
It was a dream. The most wonderful, the most real dream she'd ever had. And
she was going to keep it.
He didn't want it, didn't want her. But that could change. There were two
days yet to open his heart. How could his stay closed when hers was so full?
Love was nothing like she'd expected it to be.
It was so much more brilliant.
She needed the hope, the faith, that on one of the days left to her he would
wake up and feel what she did.
Love, she discovered, was so huge it filled every space inside with
brightness. There was no room for shadows, for doubts.
She was in love, with the man, with the place, with the promise. It wasn't
just in the rush of an instant, though there was that thrill as well. But
twined with it was a lovely, settled comfort, an ease of being, of knowing. And
that was something she wanted for him.
For once in her life, she vowed, she wouldn't fail. She would not lose.
Closing her eyes, she touched the star that hung between her breasts.
"I'll make it happen," she whispered, then with a happy sigh, she
started breakfast.
He didn't know what to make of it. He couldn't have said just what state the
bathroom had been in before, but he was dead certain it hadn't sparkled. There
may or may not have been fresh towels out the last time he'd seen it. But he
thought not. There hadn't been a bottle of flowers on the windowsill.
The shower had dripped, that he remembered. He'd meant to get to that.
He could be certain that it was a great deal more pleasant to shower and
shave in a room where the porcelain gleamed and the air smelled faintly of
lemon and flowers.
Because of it, he guiltily wiped up after himself and hung the towel to dry
instead of tossing it on the floor.
The bedroom showed her touch as well. The bed was tidily made, the pillows
fluffed up. She'd opened the windows wide to bring in the sun and the breeze.
It made him realize he'd lived entirely too long with dust and dark.
Then he stepped out. She was singing in the kitchen. A pretty voice. And the
scents that wafted to him were those of childhood. Bread toasting, bacon
frying.
There was a rumble he recognized as the washer spinning a load. He could
only shake his head.
"How long have you been up and about?" he asked her.
"I woke up at dawn." She turned to pass him a mug of tea over the
counter. "It was so gorgeous I couldn't get back to sleep. I've been
piddling."
"You've a rare knack for piddling."
"My father calls it nervous energy. Oh, I let Hugh out. He bolted to
the door the minute my feet hit the floor, so I figured that was the
routine."
"He likes to run around in the mornings. Dog piddling, I suppose."
It made her laugh as she scooped his eggs from skillet to plate. "He's
terrific company. I felt very safe and snug with him curled up at the foot of
the bed last night."
"He's deserted me for a pretty face." He sat, then caught her hand.
"Where's yours?"
"I had something earlier. I'll let you eat in peace. My father hates to
be chattered at over breakfast. I'll just hang out the wash."
"I'm not your father. Would you sit? Please." He waited until she
took a seat and for the first time noticed nerves in the way she linked her
fingers together. Now what was that about? "Allena, do you think I expect
you to cater to me this way? Cook and serve and tidy?"
"No, of course not." The lift had gone out of her voice, out of
her eyes. "I've overstepped. I'm always doing that. I didn't think."
"That's not what I meant. Not at all." His eyes were keen, part of
his gift, and they saw how her shoulders had braced, her body tensed.
"What are you doing? Waiting for the lecture?" With a shake of his
head, he began to eat. "They've done what they could, haven't they, to
stifle you? Why is it people are always so desperate to mold another into their
vision, their way? I'm saying only that you're not obliged to cook my meals and
scrub my bath. While you're here you should do what pleases you."
"I guess I have been."
"Fine. You won't hear any complaints from me. I don't know what you've
done with these humble eggs unless it's magic."
She relaxed again. "Thyme and dill, from your very neglected herb bed.
If I had a house, I'd plant herbs, and gardens." Imagining it, she propped
her chin on her fist. "I'd have stepping-stones wandering through it, with
a little bench so you could just stop and sit and look. It would be best if it
was near the water so I could hear the beat of it the way I did last night.
Pounding, like a quickened heart."
She blinked out of the image, found him staring at her. "What? Oh, I
was running on again." She started to get up, but he took her hand a
second time.
"Come with me."
He got to his feet, pulled her to hers. "The dishes—"
"Can wait. This can't."
He'd already started it that morning with the sketch. In his head, it was
all but finished, and the energy of it was driving him, so he strode quickly
out of the house, toward his studio. She had to run to keep up.
"Conal, slow down. I'm not going anywhere."
Ignoring her, he shoved open the door, pulled her in after him. "Stand
by the window."
But she was already moving in, eyes wide and delighted. "You're an
artist. This is wonderful. You sculpt."
The single room was nearly as big as the main area of the cottage. And much
more cramped. A worktable stood in the center, crowded with tools and hunks of
stone, pots of clay. A half dozen sketch pads were tossed around. Shelves and
smaller tables were jammed with examples of his work. Mystical, magical
creatures that danced and flew.
A blue mermaid combed her hair on a rock. A white dragon breathed fire.
Faeries no bigger than her thumb ringed in a circle with faces sly. A sorcerer
nearly as tall as she, held his arms high and wept.
"They're all so alive, so vivid." She couldn't help herself, she
had to touch, and so she ran her finger down the rippling hair of the mermaid.
"I've seen this before," she murmured. "Not quite this, but the
same feeling of it, but in bronze. At a gallery in New York."
She looked over then where he was impatiently flipping through a sketch pad.
"I've seen your work in New York. You must be famous."
His answer was a grunt.
"I wanted to buy it—the mermaid. I was with my mother, and I
couldn't because she'd have reminded me I couldn't afford the price. I went
back the next day, because I couldn't stop thinking about it, but it was
already sold."
"In front of the window, turn to me."
"That was two years ago, and I've thought about her a dozen times
since. Isn't it amazing that she was yours?"
Muttering an oath, he strode to her, pulled her to the window. "Lift
your head, like that. Hold it there. And be quiet."
"Are you going to draw me?"
"No, I'm after building a boat here. Of course I'm drawing you. Now be
quiet for one bloody minute."
She shut her mouth, but couldn't do anything about the grin that trembled on
her lips. And that, he thought, was precisely what he wanted. Just that trace
of humor, of energy, of personal delight.
He would do a clay model, he thought, and cast her in bronze. Something that
gleamed gold and warmed to the touch. She wasn't for stone or wood. He did
three quick studies of her face, moving around her for a change of angle. Then
he lowered his pad.
"I need the line of your body. Your shape. Take off your clothes."
"Excuse me?"
"I have to see how you're made. The clothes are in the way of
you."
"You want me to pose nude?"
With an effort, he brought himself back from his plans, met her eyes.
"If this was a matter of sex, I wouldn't have slept on that rock in the
corner last night. You've my word I won't touch you. But I have to see
you."
"If this was a matter of sex, I wouldn't be so nervous. Okay." She
shut her eyes a minute, bolstered her courage. "I'm like a bowl of
fruit," she told herself and unbuttoned her shirt.
When she slipped it off, folded it, set it aside, Conal lifted a brow.
"No, you're like a woman. If I wanted a bowl of fruit, I'd get one."
Chapter 6
She was slim, leaning toward angular, and exactly right. Eyes narrowed, mind
focused, he flipped up a fresh page and began.
"No, keep your head up," he ordered, faintly irritated that she
should be so exactly right. "Hold your arms back. Just a bit more. Palms
down and flat. No, you're not a flaming penguin, spread your fingers a little.
Ah."
It was then he noticed the faint flush spreading over her skin, the
stiffness in her movements. Moron, he told himself and bit back a sigh. Of
course she was nervous and embarrassed. And he'd done nothing to put her at
ease.
He'd grown too used, he supposed, to professional models who undraped
without a thought. She liked to talk, so he would let her talk.
"Tell me about these lessons of yours."
"What?"
"The lessons. You said you'd taken a number of lessons on this and
that. What was it you studied?"
She pressed her lips together, fought back the foolish urge to cross her
arms over her breasts. "I thought you said I wasn't supposed to
talk."
"Now I'm saying you can."
She heard the exasperation, rolled her eyes. What was she, a mind reader?
"I, ah, took art lessons."
"Did you now? Turn to the right just a bit. And what did you learn from
them?"
"That I'm not an artist." She smiled a little. "I'm told I
have a good eye for color and shapes and aesthetics, but no great skill with
the execution."
Yes, it was better when she talked. Her face became mobile again. Alive
again. "That discouraged you?"
"Not really. I draw now and then when I'm in the mood."
"Another hobby?"
"Oh, I'm loaded with them. Like music. I took music lessons."
Ah, she was relaxing. The doe-in-the-crosshairs look was fading from her
eyes. "What's your instrument?"
"The flute. I'm reasonably adept, but I'm never going to have a chair
with the Philharmonic."
She shrugged, and he bit back a sharp order for her not to change the line.
"I took a course in computer programming, and that was a complete wash.
As most of my business courses were, which scuttled the idea I had of opening a
little craft shop. I could handle the craft part, but not the shop part."
Her gaze was drawn back to the mermaid. She coveted that, not just the piece
itself, but the talent and vision that had created it.
"Stand on your toes. That's it, that's lovely. Hold a minute. Why don't
you take on a partner?"
"For what?"
"The shop, if it's what you want. Someone business-minded."
"Mostly because I have enough business sense to know I could never
afford the rent in New York, the start-up costs." She moved a shoulder.
"Overhead, equipment, stock. I guess running a business is a study in
stress. Margaret always says so."
Ah, he thought, the inestimable Margaret, whom he'd already decided to
detest. "What do you care what she says? No, that's not right. It's not
quite right. Turn around. You have a beautiful back."
"I do?" Surprise had her turning her head to look at him.
"There! Hold that. Lower your chin a little more to your shoulder, keep
your eyes on me."
That was what he wanted. No shyness here. Coyness was something different
altogether. There was a hint of that in the upward angle of her gaze, the tilt
of her head. And just a bit of smugness as well, in the slight curve of her
lips.
Allena of the Faeries, he thought, already eager to begin in clay. He
ripped the sheets off the pad, began tacking them to the wall.
"I'll do better with you as well as the sketches. Relax a minute while
I prep the clay." As he passed, he touched a hand absently to her
shoulder. He stopped. "Christ, you're cold. Why didn't you say
something?"
She was turning toward him, a slow shift of her body. "I didn't
notice."
"I didn't think to keep the fire going." His hand skimmed over her
shoulder, fingers tracing the blade where he imagined wings. "I'll build
one now." Even as he spoke he was leaning toward her, his eyes locked on
hers. Her lips parted, and he could feel the flutter of her breath.
He jerked back, like a man snapping out of a dream. Lifted his hand, then
held them both up, away from her. "I said I wouldn't touch you. I'm
sorry."
The rising wave of anticipation in her broke, then vanished as he walked
away to yank a blanket from the cot. "I wish you weren't. Sorry, I
mean."
He stood with the table between them, the blanket in his hands, and felt
like a man drowning. There was no shyness in her now, nor coyness. But the
patience was there, and the promise.
"I don't want this need for you. Do you understand?"
"You want me to say yes." She was laid bare now, she realized.
Much more than her body laid bare. "It would make it easier if I said that
I understand. But I can't, I don't. I want that need, Conal. And you."
"Another place, another time," he murmured. "There'd be no
need to understand. Another place, another time, I'd want it as well."
"This is here," she said quietly. "And this is now. It's
still your choice."
He wanted to be sure of it, wanted to know there was nothing but her.
"Will you take that off?"
She lifted a hand to the pendant, her last shield. Saying nothing, she
slipped the chain over her head, then walked to the table, set it down.
"Do you think I'll feel differently without it?"
"There's no magic between us now. We're only who and what we are."
He stepped to her, swept the blanket around her shoulders. "It's as much
your choice as mine, Allena. You've a right to say no."
"Then…" She laid her hands on his shoulders, brought her
lips to within a breath of his. "I've also a right to say yes."
It was she who closed that tenuous distance so mouths and bodies met. And
she who let the blanket drop when her arms went around him.
She gave, completely, utterly. All the love, so newly discovered in her
heart, poured out for him. Her lips seduced, her hands soothed, her body
yielded.
There was a choice. She had made hers, but he still had his own. To draw
back, step away and refuse. Or to gather close and take. Before his blood could
take over, before it was all need and heat, he took her face in his hands until
their eyes met again.
"With no promises, Allena."
He suffered. She could see the clouds and worry in his eyes, and said what
she hoped would comfort. And be the truth as well. "And no regrets."
His thumbs skimmed over her cheeks, tracing the shape of her face as
skillfully as he'd drawn it on paper. "Be with me, then."
The cot was hard and narrow, but might have been a bed of rose petals as
they lay on it. The air was chill, still damp from the storm, but she felt only
warmth when his body covered hers.
Here. At last.
He knew his hands were big, the palms rough and calloused from his work, and
very often careless. He would not be careless with her, would not rush through
the moment they offered each other. So he touched her, gently, giving himself
the pleasure of the body he'd sketched. Long limbs, long bones, and soft white
skin. Her sigh was like music, the song his name.
She tugged off his sweater, sighing again when flesh met flesh, and again
murmuring his name against the pulse of his own throat. With only that, she
gave him the sweetness he'd denied himself. Whatever he had of that simple gift
inside him, he offered back.
Under him she lifted and moved as if they'd danced this dance together for a
lifetime. Flowed with and against him, now fluid, now strong. And the
quickening pulse that rose in her was like his own.
Her scent was soap, her taste fresh as rain.
He watched her glide up, the faerie again, soaring on one long spread of
wings. As she crested, her eyes opened, met his. And she smiled.
No one had brought her so much, or shown her how much she had to offer. Her
body quivered from the thrill of it, and in her heart was the boundless joy of
finding home.
She arched up, opened so he would fill her. As he slid inside her, the
beauty dazzled, and the power hummed.
While they took each other, neither noticed the star carved in silver,
glowing blue as flame.
She lay over him now, snug under his arm with her cheek upon his chest. It
was lovely to hear how his heart still pounded. A kind of rage, she thought,
though he'd been the most tender of lovers.
No one could have shown her that kind of caring if there wasn't caring inside.
And that, she thought, closing her eyes, was enough.
"You're cold," he murmured.
"Am not." She snuggled against him and would have frozen to the
bone before she let him move. But she lifted her head so she could grin at him.
"Allena Kennedy." His fingers trailed lightly down the back of her
neck. "You look smug."
"I feel smug. Do you mind?"
"I would be a foolish man to mind."
She bent down to kiss his chin, a sweet and casual gesture that moved him.
"And Conal O'Neil is not a foolish man. Or is he?" She angled her
head. "If we can't go beyond a certain point and walk to the village,
wouldn't it follow that no one from the village can come here?"
"I suppose it would."
"Then let's do something foolish. Let's go swim naked in the sea."
"You want to swim naked in the sea?"
"I've always wanted to. I just realized it this minute." She
rolled off the cot and tugged at his hand. "Come be foolish with me,
Conal."
"
Leannan, the first wave'll flatten you."
"Will not."
Leannan. She had no idea what it meant, but it
sounded tender, and made her want to dance. She raked both hands through her
hair, then the light of challenge lighted her eyes. "Race you."
She darted off like a rabbit and had him scrambling up. "Wait. Damn it,
the seas are too rough for you."
Bird bones, he thought, snatching up the blanket on his way. She would crack
half a dozen of them in minutes.
No, she didn't run like a rabbit, he realized. She ran like a bloody
gazelle, with long, loping strides that had her nearly at the foaming surf. He called
out her name, rushing after her. His heart simply stopped when she raced into
the water and dived under its towering wall.
"Sweet Jesus."
He'd gotten no farther than the beach when she surfaced, laughing. "Oh,
it's cold!" She struggled to the shallows, slicking her hair back, lifted
her face, her arms. For the second time his heart stopped, but now it had
nothing to do with alarm.
"You're a vision, Allena."
"No one's ever said that to me before." She held out a hand.
"No one's ever looked at me the way you do. Ride the sea with me."
It had been, he decided, much too long since he'd been foolish. "Hold
on, then."
It tossed them up, a rush of power. It sucked them down into a blind,
thundering world. The tumult of it was freedom, a cocky dare to fate. Wrapped
around each other, they spun as the waves rolled over them.
Breathless, they surfaced, only to plunge in again. Her scream wasn't one of
fear, but a cry of victory as, latched around him, she was swept into the air
again.
"You'll drown us both!" he shouted, but his eyes were lit with
wicked humor.
"I won't. I can't. Nothing but wonders today. Once more." She
locked her arms around his neck. "Let's go under just once more."
To her shrieking delight, he snatched her off her feet and dived into the
cresting wave with her.
When they stumbled out, panting, their hands were linked.
"Your teeth are chattering."
"I know. I loved it." But she snuggled into the blanket he wrapped
around them both. "I've never done anything like that. I guess you've done
it dozens of times."
"Not with the likes of you."
It was, she thought, the perfect thing to say. She held the words to her for
a moment even as she held him. Hard against her heart.
"What does
leannan mean?"
"Hmm?" Her head was on his shoulder, her arms linked around his
waist. Everything inside him was completely at peace.
"
Leannan. You said that to me, I wondered what it means."
His hand paused in midstroke on her hair. "It's a casual term," he
said carefully. "A bit of an endearment, is all. 'Sweetheart' would be the
closest."
"I like it."
He closed his eyes. "Allena, you ask for too little."
And hope for everything, she thought. "You shouldn't worry, Conal. I'm
not. Now, before we both turn blue out here, I'll make fresh tea, and you'll
build up the fire." She kissed him. "Right after I pick up some of
these shells."
She wiggled away, leaving him holding the blanket and shaking his head. Most
of the shells that littered the beach had been broken by the waves, but that
didn't appear to bother her. He left her to it and went into the studio to tug
on his jeans.
She had a pile of shells when he came back, offering her his sweater and her
pendant.
"I won't wear it if it bothers you."
"It's yours." Deliberately, as if challenging the fates, he
slipped it around her neck. "Here, put this on before you freeze."
She bundled into it, then crouched to put the shells into the blanket.
"I love you, Conal, whether I'm wearing it or not. And since loving you
makes me happy, it shouldn't worry you."
She rose. "Don't spoil it," she murmured. "Let's just take
today, then see about tomorrow."
"All right." He took her hand, brought it to his lips. "I'll
give you a promise after all."
"I'll take it."
"Today will always be precious to me, and so will you."
Chapter 7
She dug out an ancient pair of Conal's jeans, found a hunk of frayed rope,
and went to work with scissors. As a fashion statement the chopped jeans, rough
belt, and baggy sweater said Island Shipwreck, but they did the job.
As he insisted on making the tea this time around, she busied herself
hanging the wash. And dreaming.
It could be just this way, she thought. Long, wonderful days together. Conal
would work in his studio, and she'd tend the house, the gardens… and, oh,
the children when they came along.
She would paint the shutters and the little back porch. She'd put an arbor
in front, plant roses—the only roses she would have—so that they'd
climb up and twine and ramble and it would be like walking through a fairy tale
every time she went into the house.
And it would be her fairy tale, ever after.
They would need to add rooms, of course, for those children. A second floor,
she imagined, with dormer windows.
Another bath, a bigger kitchen, but nothing that would take away from the
lovely cottage-by-the-sea feeling.
She'd make wonderful meals, keep the windows sparkling, sew curtains that
would flutter in the breeze.
She stopped, pegging a sheet that flapped wetly. Her mother would be
appalled. Household chores were something you hired other people to do because
you had a career. You were a professional… something.
Of course, it was all just fantasy, she told herself as she moved down the
clothesline. She had to make a living somehow. But she'd worry about that
later. For now, she was going to enjoy the moment, the thrilling rush of being
in love, the jittery ache of waiting to be loved in return.
They would have today, and their tomorrow. Whatever happened after, she'd
have no regrets.
With the last of the laundry hung, she stepped back, lifted the basket to
rest it on her hip. She saw Hugh prancing down the hill.
"Well, so you decided to come home. What have you got there?" Her
eyes widened as she recognized the brown bulk he carried in his mouth. "My
bag!"
She dropped the basket and rushed to him. And Hugh, sensing a game, began to
race in circles around her.
Conal watched from the doorway. The tea was steeping in the pot, and he'd
been about to call to her. Now he simply stood.
Sheets billowed like sails in the wind. He caught the clean, wet scent of
them, and the drift of rosemary and lemon balm from the herb bed she'd weeded
that morning. Her laughter lifted up, bright and delighted, as she raced with
the dog.
His tattered old jeans hung on her, though she'd hacked them off to above
her ankles. She'd rolled up the cuffs, pushed up the sleeves on his sweater,
but now as she ran around with Hugh, they'd come down again and fell over her
hands. She hadn't put on her shoes.
She was a joy to watch. And when, he wondered, had he stopped letting joy
into his life? The shadow of his fate had grown longer with each passing year.
He'd huddled under it, he thought now, telling himself he was standing clear.
He had let no one touch him, let nothing be important to him but his work.
He had estranged himself from his father and his home. Those had been his
choices, and his right. Now, watching Allena play tug-of-war with the big dog
in a yard filled with sun and sailing white sheets, he wondered for the first
time what he'd missed along the way.
And still, whatever he'd missed, she was here.
The pendant was here.
The solstice was closing in.
He could refuse it. He could deny it. However much this woman called to his
blood, he would, at the end of that longest day, determine his own fate.
It would not be magic that forced his destiny, but his own will.
He saw Allena yank, Hugh release. She stumbled back, clutching something to
her chest, then landed hard on her back. Conal was out the door and across the
yard in a single skipping heartbeat.
"Are you hurt?" He issued one sharp order to the dog in Gaelic
that had Hugh hanging his head.
"Of course not." She started to sit up, but Conal was already
gathering her, stroking, murmuring something in Gaelic that sounded lovely.
Loving. Her heart did one long, slow cartwheel. "Conal."
"The damn dog probably outweighs you, and you've bones like a
bird."
"We were just playing. There, now, you've hurt Hugh's feelings. Come
here, baby, it's okay."
While Conal sat back on his heels and scowled, she hugged and cuddled the
dog. "It's all right. He didn't mean it, whatever it was. Did you,
Conal?"
Conal caught the sidelong glance the dog sent him, and had to call it smug.
"I did."
She only laughed and kissed Hugh's nose. "Such a smart dog, such a good
dog," she crooned. "He found my bag and brought it home. I, on the
other hand, am a moron. I forgot all about it."
Conal studied the oversized purse. It was wet, filthy, and now riddled with
teeth marks. That didn't seem to bother her a bit. "It's taken a
beating."
"I must've dropped it in the storm. Everything's in here. My passport,
my credit cards, my ticket. My makeup." She hugged the bag, thrilled to
have her lipstick back. "Oh, and dozens of things. Including my copy of
Margaret's itinerary. Do you think the phone's working now?"
Without waiting for him to answer, she leaped up. "I can call her
hotel, let her know I'm all right. She must be frantic."
She dashed into the house, clutching the bag, and Conal stayed as he was.
He didn't want the phones to be working. He didn't want that to break their
bubble. Realizing it left him shaken. Here, he thought, at the first chance to
reach out of their world, she'd run to do it.
Of course she had. He pressed his fingers to his eyes. Wouldn't he have done
the same? She had a life beyond this, beyond him. The romance of it had swept
her away for a while, just as it had nearly swept him. She would get her feet
back under her and move on. That was as it should be. And what he wanted.
But when he rose to go after her, there was an ache inside him that hadn't
been there before.
"I got through." Allena sent him a brilliant smile. She stood by
the counter, the phone in her hand and what appeared to be half her worldly
goods dumped on the table. "She's cheeked in, and they're going to ring
her room. I only hope she didn't call my parents. I'd hate to think
they'd—Margaret! Oh, I'm so glad you're—"
She broke off again, and Conal watched the light in her eyes go dim.
"Yes, I know. I'm so sorry. I missed the ferry and…"
Saying nothing, he moved past her and got down mugs for tea. He had no
intention of leaving her to her privacy.
"Yes, you're right, it was irresponsible. Inexcusable, yes, that, too,
to leave you shorthanded this way. I tried to…"
He saw the moment she gave up, when her shoulders slumped and her face went
carefully blank. "I understand. No, of course, you can't be expected to
keep me on after this. Oh, yes, I know it was against your better judgment in
the first place. You were very clear about that. I'm sorry I let you down. Yes,
again."
Shame, fatigue, resignation closed in on her, a dingy fog of failure. She
shut her eyes. "No, Margaret, excuses don't matter when people are
depending on you. Did you call Mom and Dad? No, you're right. What would have
been the point?"
"Bloody bitch," Conal muttered. They'd just see how Margaret liked
being on the other end of a tongue-lashing, he decided, and grabbed the phone
out of Allena's hand. The buzz of the dial tone left him no victim for his
outrage.
"She had to go," Allena managed. "Schedule. I
should—Excuse me."
"No, damned if I will." He took her shoulders in a firm grip
before she could escape. There were tears on her lashes. He wanted Margaret's
neck in his hands. "You'll not go off to lick your wounds. Why did you
take that from her?"
"She was right. I was irresponsible. She has every reason to fire me.
She'd never have taken me on in the first place without family pressure."
"Family pressure? Bugger it. Where was her family concern? Did she ask
if you were all right? What had happened? Where you were? Did she once ask you
why?"
"No."
A tear spilled over, slid down her cheek and inflamed him. "Where is
your anger?" he demanded.
"What good does it do to be angry?" Wearily, she brushed the tear
away. "I brought it on myself. I don't care about the job. That's the
problem, really. I don't care about it. I wouldn't have taken it if I'd had a
choice. Margaret's probably right. I bungle this way on purpose."
"Margaret is a jackass."
"No, really, she's not." She managed a wobbly grin. "She's
just very disciplined and goal-oriented. Well, there's no use whining about
it." She patted his hand, then moved away to pour the tea. "I'll call
my parents after I've settled down a little, explain… oh, God."
Pressing her palms to the counter, she squeezed her eyes shut. "I
hate
disappointing them this way. Over and over, like a cycle I can't break. If I
could just do something, if I could just be good at something."
Shaking her head, she went to the refrigerator to take out last night's soup
to heat for lunch. "You don't know how much I envy you your talent and
your confidence in it. My mother always said if I'd just focus my energies
instead of scattering them a dozen different ways, I'd move beyond
mediocre."
"It should have shamed her to say such a thing to you."
Surprised by the violence in his tone, she turned back. "She didn't
mean it the way I made it sound. You have to understand, they're all so smart
and clever and, well, dedicated to what they do. My father's chief of surgery,
my mother's a partner in one of the most prestigious law firms on the East
Coast. And I can't do
anything."
There was the anger. It whipped through her as she slammed the pot on the
stove. Pleased to see it, Conal folded his arms, leaned back, and watched it
build.
"There's James with his glossy practice and his gorgeous trophy wife
and certified genius child, who's a complete brat, by the way, but everyone
says she's simply precocious. As if precocious and rude are synonymous. And
Margaret with her perfect office and her perfect wardrobe and her perfect home
and her perfectly detestable husband, who won't see anything but art films and
collects coins."
She dumped soup into the pot. "And every Thanksgiving they all sit
around patting each other on the back over how successful and brilliant they
are. Then they look at me as if I'm some sort of alien who got dumped on the
doorstep and had to be taken in for humanitarian purposes. And I can't be a
doctor or a lawyer or a goddamn Indian chief no matter how hard I try because I
just can't
do anything."
"Now
you should be ashamed."
"What?" She pressed her fingers to her temples. Temper made her
dizzy, and fuzzy-headed, which is why she usually tried to avoid it.
"What?"
"Come here." He grabbed her hand, pulled her into the living room.
"What did you do here?"
"About what?"
"What are the things you did in here?"
"I… dusted?"
"To hell and back again with the dust, Allena. Look here at your
flowers and candles and your bowl of broken shells. And out here."
He dragged her to the door, shoved it open. "Here's a garden that was
suffering from neglect until the morning. Where's the sand that was all over
the walk that I didn't even notice until it was gone? There are sheets drying
in the wind out back and soup heating in the kitchen. The bloody shower doesn't
drip now. Who did those things?"
"Anyone can sweep a walk, Conal."
"Not everyone thinks to. Not everyone cares to. And not everyone finds
pleasure in the doing of it. In one day you made a home out of this place, and
it hasn't been one in too long, so that I'd all but forgotten the feel of a
home around me. Do you think that's nothing? Do you think there's no value in
that?"
"It's just… ordinary," she said for lack of a better word.
"I can't make a career out of picking wildflowers."
"A living can be made where you find it, if a living must be made.
You've a need to pick wildflowers and sea-shells, Allena. And there are those
who are grateful for it, and notice the difference you make."
If she hadn't loved him already, she would have fallen at that moment with
his words still echoing and his eyes dark with impatience. "That's the
kindest thing anyone's ever said to me." She laid her hands on his cheeks.
"The very kindest." Softly, she touched her lips to his. "Thank
you."
Before he could speak, she shook her head, then rested it on his shoulder.
Chapter 8
They shut out the world. Turned off time. Conal would have bristled at the
idea that they were making a kind of magic, but for Allena there was no other
word for it.
She posed for him again, in the studio where the afternoon sun slanted
through the windows. And she watched herself be born in clay.
Because she asked, he told her of his years in Dublin. His studies and his
work. The lean student years when he'd lived on tinned food and art. Then the
recognition that had come, like a miracle, in a dingy gallery.
The first sale had given him the luxury of time, room to work without the
constant worry of paying the rent. And the sales that followed had given him
the luxury of choice, so that he'd been able to afford a studio of his own.
Still, though he spoke of it easily, she noticed that when he talked of
Dublin, he didn't refer to it as home. But she said nothing.
Later, when he'd covered the clay with a damp cloth and washed in the little
sink, they went for a walk along the shore. They spoke of a hundred things, but
never once of the star she wore against her heart, or the stone circle that
threw its shadows from the cliff.
They made love while the sun was still bright, and the warmth of it glowed
on her skin when she rose over him.
As the day moved to evening, the light remained, shimmering as though it
would never give way to night. She entertained herself mending the old lace
curtains she'd found on a shelf in the closet while Conal sketched and the dog
curled into a nap on the floor between them.
She had the most expressive face, he thought. Dreamy now as she sat and
sewed. Everything she felt moved into her eyes of soft, clear gray. The witch
behind those eyes had yet to wake. And when she did, he imagined that any man
she cast them on would be spellbound.
How easily she had settled in—to him, his home, his life. Without a
break of rhythm, he thought, and with such contentment. And how easy it would
be to settle in to her. Even with these edgy flashes of need and desire, there
was a comfort beneath.
What was he to do about her? Where was he to put these feelings she'd
brought to life inside him? And how was he to know if they were real?
"Conal?" She spoke quietly. His troubled thoughts were like a
humming in the air, a warning. "Can't you put it aside for now? Can't you
be content to wait and see?"
"No." It irritated him that she'd read his mood in his silence.
"Letting others shape your life is your way, not mine."
Her hand jerked, as if it had been slapped, then continued to move smoothly.
"Yes, you're right. I've spent my life trying to please people I love, and
it hasn't gotten me anywhere. They don't love me enough to accept me."
He felt a hitch in his gut, as if he'd shoved her away when he should have
taken hold. "Allena."
"No, it's all right. They do love me, under it all, just not as much,
or in the same way, or… however I love them. They want things for me that
I'm not capable of—or that I just don't want for myself enough to make a
real effort. I can't put restrictions on my feelings. I'm not made that way."
"And I can." He rose, paced. "It's not a matter of feelings,
but of being. I can't and won't be led. I care for you more than should be
possible in this short a time."
"And because of that you don't trust what's happened, what's happening
between us." She nodded and, clipping the thread, set her needle aside.
"That's reasonable."
"What do you know of reason?" he demanded. "You're the
damnedest, most irrational woman I've ever met."
She smiled at that, quick and bright. "It's so much easier to recognize
reason when you have so little yourself."
His lips twitched, but he sat down. "How can you be so calm in the
middle of all this?"
"I've had the most amazing two days of my life, the most exciting, the
most beautiful." She spread her hands. "Nothing can ever take that away
from me now that I've had it. And I'll have one more. One more long and
wonderful day. So…" She got to her feet, stretched. "I think
I'll get a glass of wine and go outside and watch the stars come out."
"No." He took her hand, rose. "I'll get the wine."
It was a perfect night, the sky as clear as glass. The sea swept in, drew
back, then burst again in a shower of water that caught those last shimmers of
day and sparkled like jewels.
"You should have benches," Allena began. "Here and here, with
curved seats and high backs, in cedar that would go silver in the
weather."
He wondered why he hadn't thought of it himself, for he loved to sit and
watch the sea. "What else would you have, were you me?"
"Well, I'd put big pots near the benches and fill them with flowers
that spilled out and spiked up. Dark blue crocks," she decided, then
slanted him a look. "You could make them."
"I suppose I could. Flowerpots." The idea was amusing.
No one had ever expected flowerpots from him before. He skimmed a hand over
her hair as he sipped his wine and realized he would enjoy making them for her,
would like to see her pleasure in them.
"Dark blue," she repeated, "to match the shutters when
they're fixed up with the paint I found in the laundry room."
"Now I'm painting shutters?"
"No, no, no, your talents are much too lofty for such mundane chores.
You make the pots, sturdy ones, and I'll paint the shutters."
"I know when someone's laughing at me."
She merely sent him a sly wink and walked down toward the water. "Do
you know what I'm supposed to be doing tonight?"
"What would that be?"
"I should be manning the slide projector for Margaret's after-dinner
lecture on megalithic sites."
"Well, then, you've had a narrow escape, haven't you?"
"You're telling me. Do you know what I'm going to do instead?"
"Ah, come back inside and make wild love with me?"
She laughed and spun in a circle. "I'm definitely putting that on the
schedule. But first, I'm going to build a sand castle."
"A sand castle, is it?"
"A grand one," she claimed and plopped down on the beach to begin.
"The construction of sand castles is one of my many talents. Of course,
I'd do better work if I had a spade and a bucket. Both of which," she
added, looking up at him from under her lashes, "can be found in the
laundry room."
"And I suppose, as my talent for this particular art is in doubt, I'm
delegated to fetch."
"Your legs are longer, so you'll get there and back faster."
"Can't argue with that."
He brought back the garden spade and the mop bucket, along with the bottle of
wine.
As the first bold stars came to life, he sat and watched her build her
castle of sand.
"You need a tower on that end," he told her. "You've left it
undefended."
"It's a castle, not a fortress, and my little world here is at peace.
However, I'd think a famous artist could manage to build a tower if he saw the
need for one."
He finished off his glass of wine, screwed the stem in the sand, and picked
up the challenge.
She added more turrets, carefully shaping, then smoothing them with the edge
of her spade. And driven by his obviously superior talent with his hands, began
to add to the structure, elaborately.
"And what, I'd like to know, is that lump you've got there?"
"It's the stables, or will be when I'm finished."
"It's out of proportion." He started to reach over to show her,
but she slapped his hand away. "As you like, but your horses would have to
be the size of Hugh to fit in there."
She sniffed, rocked back on her heels. Damn it, he was right. "I'm not
finished," she said coolly. She scooped up more sand and worked it in.
"And what is that supposed to be?"
"It will be the drawbridge."
"A drawbridge?" Delighted, she leaned over to study the platform
he fashioned with his quick, clever hands. "Oh, that's wonderful. You're
definitely sand castle-skilled. I know just what it needs."
She scrambled up and raced to the house. She came back with some wooden
kitchen matches and a bit of red ribbon that she'd cut in a triangle.
"Chain would be better, but we'll be innovative." She poked the
tip of the long match into the side of the drawbridge, slid the other end into
the castle wall. "Fortunately, the royal family here is having a ball, so
the drawbridge stays down." She set a second match in the other side.
She broke a third match, looped her ribbon around it, then hoisted her
makeshift flag on the topmost tower. "Now that's a sand castle."
She plucked up the bottle of wine and poured for both of them. "To
Dolman Castle." A dream, she thought, they'd made together.
After clinking her glass to his, she drew up her knees and looked out to
sea. "It's a beautiful night. So many stars. You can't see sky like this
in New York, just slices of it, pieces between buildings, so you forget how big
it is."
"When I was a boy, I used to come out at night and sit here."
She turned her head, rested her cheek on her knee. "What else did you
do when you were a boy?"
"Climbed the cliffs, played with my friends in the village, worked very
hard to get out of chores that would have taken less time and less effort than
the eluding of them took. Fished with my father."
He fell into silence, and the depth of it had Allena reaching out to take
his hand. "You miss him."
"I left him, alone. I didn't know he was ill that last year. He never
told me, never once asked me to come back and tend to him. He died by himself
rather than ask me for that."
"He knew you'd come back."
"He should have told me. I could've brought him to Dublin, gotten him
to hospital, for treatments, specialists."
"It's always so much harder on the ones who're left behind," she
murmured. "He wanted to be here, Conal. To die here."
"Oh, aye, to die here, that was his choice. And knowing he was ill, and
frail, he climbed the cliffs. And there at the stone dance is where his heart
gave out. That was his choice."
"It makes you angry."
"It makes me helpless, which is the same thing to me. So I miss him,
and I regret the time and distance that was between us—the time and
distance I put between us. I sent him money instead of myself. And he left me
all he had. The cottage, and Hugh."
He turned to her then and pulled the chain at her neck until the pendant
slid clear. "And this. He left this for me in that small wood box you see
on the dresser in the bedroom."
The shiver raced over her skin, chill and damp. "I don't understand."
"His mother had given it to him on his eighteenth birthday, as it had
been given to her. And he gave it to my mother on the day he asked her to marry
him, at the stone circle, as is the O'Neil tradition. She wore it always. And
gave it back to him, to hold for me, on the night she died."
Cured in Dagda's Cauldron. Carved by the finger of Merlin. "It's
yours," she murmured.
"No. No longer mine, never mine as I refused it. The day I buried my
father, I came here and I threw this into the sea. That, I told myself, was the
end of things."
There's only one, the old woman had told her. It belonged to her. She
had found it, or it had found her. And led her, Allena thought, to him. How
could she feel anything but joy at knowing it? And how, being who he was, could
Conal feel anything but anger?
For her it was a key. For him a lock.
Allena touched his cheek. "I don't know how to comfort you."
"Neither do I." He rose, pulled her to her feet. "No more of
this tonight. No more castles and stars. I want what's real. My need is real
enough." He swept her up. "And so are you."
Chapter 9
She couldn't sleep. No matter how short the night, she couldn't bear to
waste it in dreams. So she lay quiet, and wakeful, reliving every moment of the
day that had passed.
They'd ended it, she thought now, with love. Not the slow and tender sort
they'd brought each other the first time. There'd been a desperation in Conal
when he carried her into bed from the beach. A kind of fierce urgency that had
streaked from him and into her so that her hands had been as impatient as his,
her mouth as hungry.
And her body, she thought, oh, her body had been so very alive.
That kind of craving was another sort of beauty, wasn't it? A need that
deep, that strong, that
willful could dig deep and lasting roots.
Why wouldn't he let himself love her?
She turned to him, and in sleep he drew her against him.
I'm here,
she wanted to say.
I belong here. I know it.
But she kept the words inside her, and simply took his mouth with hers.
Soft, seductive, drawing what she needed and giving back. Slow and silky, a
mating of lips and tongues. The heat from bodies wrapped close weighing heavy
on the limbs.
He drifted into desire as a man drifts through mists. The air was thick, and
sweet, and she was there for him. Warm and willing. And real.
He heard her breath catch and sigh out, felt her heart beat to match the
rhythm of his own. And she moved against him, under him, bewitching in the
dark.
When he slid into her, she took him in with a welcome that was home.
Together they lifted and fell, steady and smooth. Mouths met again as he felt
her rise up to peak, as he lost himself, gave himself. And emptied.
"Allena." He said her name, only her name as he once more gathered
her against him. Comforted, settled, he slipped back into sleep never knowing
that she wept.
Before dawn she rose, afraid that if she stayed beside him any longer in the
dark she would ask—more afraid that if he offered some pale substitute
for love and lifetimes, she would snatch at it, pitifully.
She dressed in silence and went out to wait for the dawn of the longest day.
There was no moon now, and no stars, nothing to break that endless,
spreading dark. She could see the fall of land, the rise of sea, and to the
west the powerful shadows of the jagged cliffs where the stone circle stood,
and waited.
The pendant weighed heavy on her neck.
Only hours left, she thought. She wouldn't lose hope, though it was hard in
this dark and lonely hour to cling to it. She'd been sent here, brought here,
it didn't matter. What mattered was that she was here, and here she had found
all the answers she needed.
She had to believe that Conal would find his in the day that was left to
them.
She watched dawn break, a slow, almost sly shifting of light that gave the
sky a polish. Mists slipped and slid over the ground, rose into the air like a
damp curtain. And there, in the east, it flamed, gold, then spread to red over
sky and water, brighter, and brighter still, until the world woke.
The air went from gray to the shimmer of a pearl.
On the beach, the castle had been swamped by the tide. And seeing what could
be so easily washed away broke her heart a little.
She turned away from it and went back inside.
She needed to keep her hands busy, her mind busy. She could do nothing about
the state of her heart, but she wouldn't mope, today of all days.
When Hugh came padding out, she opened the door so he could race through.
She put on the kettle for tea. She already knew how Conal liked his, almost
viciously strong with no sugar or cream to dilute the punch.
While it steeped, she got a small pot from a cupboard. Conal had mentioned
there were berries ripening this time of year. If she could find them, and
there were enough, they'd have fresh fruit for breakfast.
She went out the back, past the herb garden and a huge shrub covered with
dozens of conical purple blossoms that smelled like potpourri. She wondered how
they would look dried and spearing out of a big copper urn.
Ground fog played around her ankles as she walked and made her think it was
something like wading in a shallow river. The wind didn't reach it, but
fluttered at her hair as she climbed the gentle rise behind the cottage. Far
off was the sound of Hugh's deep-throated bark, and somewhere nearer, the
liquid trill of a bird. Over it all was the forever sound of the sea.
On impulse, she slipped off her shoes to walk barefoot over the cool, wet
grass.
The hill dipped, then rose again. Steeper now, with the mist thickening like
layers of filmy curtain. She glanced back once, saw the cottage was merely a
silhouette behind the fog. A prickle over her skin had her pausing, nearly
turning back. Then she heard the dog bark again, just up ahead.
She called out to him, turned in the direction of his bark, and kept
climbing. On the top of the next rise was a scattering of trees sculpted by
wind, and with them the bushes, brambles, and berries she hunted.
Pleased with her find, she set down her shoes and began to pick. And taste.
And climb still higher to where the ripest grew. She would make pancakes, she
thought, and mix the berries in the batter.
Her pot was half full when she scrambled up on a rock to reach a solitary
bush pregnant with fat fruit of rich and deep purple.
"The most tempting are always the ones just out of reach."
Allena's breath caught, and she nearly overturned her pot when she saw the
woman standing on the rough track on the other side of the bush.
Her hair was dark and hung past her waist. Her eyes were the moody green of
the ocean at dawn. She smiled and rested her hand on Hugh's head as he sat
patiently beside her.
"I didn't know anyone was here." Could be here, she thought.
"I—" She looked back now, with some alarm, and couldn't see the
cottage. "I walked farther than I realized."
"It's a good morning for a walk, and for berry picking. Those you have
there'd make a fine mixed jam."
"I've picked too many. I wasn't paying attention."
The woman's face softened. "Sure, you can never pick too many as long
as someone eats them. Don't fret," she said quietly. "He's sleeping
still. His mind's quiet when he sleeps."
Allena let out a long breath. "Who are you?"
"Whoever you need me to be. An old woman in a shop, a young boy in a
boat."
"Oh." Surrendering to shaky legs, she sat on the rock.
"God."
"It shouldn't worry you. There's no harm meant. Not to you, or to him.
He's part of me."
"His great-grandmother. He said—they say—"
The woman's smile widened. "They do indeed."
Struggling for composure, Allena reached under her sweater, drew out the
pendant. "This is yours."
"It belongs to whom it belongs to… until it belongs to
another."
"Conal said he threw it into the sea."
"Such a temper that boy has." Her laugh was light and rich as
cream over whiskey. "It does me proud. He could throw it to the moon, and
still it would come to whom it belongs to when it was time. This time is
yours."
"He doesn't want to love me."
"Oh, child." She touched Allena's cheek, and it was like the brush
of wings. "Love can't be wanted away. It simply is, and you already know
that. You have a patient heart."
"Sometimes patience is just cowardice."
"That's wise." The woman nodded, obviously pleased, and helped
herself to one of the berries in the pot. "And true as well. But already
you understand him, and are coming to understand yourself, which is always a
more difficult matter. That's considerable for such a short time. And you love
him."
"Yes, I love him. But he won't accept love through magic."
"Tonight, when the longest day meets the shortest night, when the star
cuts through with power and light, the choice you make, both you and he, will
be what was always meant to be."
Then she took Allena's face in her hands, kissed both her cheeks. "Your
heart will know," she said and slipped into the mist like a ghost.
"How?" Allena closed her eyes. "You didn't give us enough
time."
When Hugh bumped his head against her legs, she bent down to bury her face
in his neck. "Not enough time," she murmured. "Not enough to
mope about it, either. I don't know what to do, except the next thing. I guess
that's breakfast."
She wandered back the way she had come, with Hugh for company on this trip.
The fog was already burning off at the edges and drawing into itself. It seemed
that fate had decreed one more clear day for her.
When the cottage came into view, she saw Conal on the little back porch,
waiting for her.
"You worried me." He walked out to meet her, knowing his sense of
relief was out of proportion. "What are you doing, roaming away in the
mist?"
"Berries." She held up the pot. "You'll never guess what
I…" She trailed off as his gaze tracked down to the pendant.
"I'll never guess what?"
No, she thought, she couldn't tell him what had happened, whom she had seen.
Not when the shadows were in his eyes, and her heart was sinking because of
them. "What I'm going to make for breakfast."
He dipped a hand into the pot. "Berries?"
"Watch," she told him and took her gatherings into the house.
"And learn."
He did watch, and it soothed him. He'd wakened reaching for her, and that
had disturbed him. How could a man spend one night with a woman, then find his
bed so cold, so empty when she wasn't in it? Then that panic, that drawing down
in the gut, when he hadn't been able to find her. Now she was here, mixing her
batter in a bowl, and the world was right again.
Was there a name for this other than love?
"You really need a griddle." She set the bowl aside to heat a
skillet. "But we'll make do."
"Allena.''
"Hmm?" She glanced back. Something in his eyes made her dizzy.
"Yes?" When she turned, the pendant swung, and caught at the
sunlight.
The star seemed to flash straight into his eyes, taunting him. Without
moving, Conal took a deliberate step back. No, he would not speak of love.
"Where are your shoes?"
"My shoes?" He'd spoken with such gentle affection that her eyes
stung as she looked down at her own bare feet. "I must have left them
behind. Silly of me."
"So you wander barefoot through the dew, pretty Allena?"
Words strangled in her throat. She threw her arms around him, burying her
face at his shoulder as emotions whirled inside her.
"Allena." He pressed his lips to her hair and wished, for both of
them, he could break this last chain that held his heart. "What am I to do
about you?"
Love me. Just love me. I can handle all of the rest. "I can make
you happy. If only you'd let me, I can make you happy."
"And what of you? There are two of us here. How can you believe, and
accept, all I've told you and be willing to change your life for it?" He
drew her back, touched a fingertip to the pendant. "How can you, Allena,
so easily accept this?"
"Because it belongs to me." She let out a shaky breath, then took
one in, and her voice was stronger. "Until it belongs to another."
Steadier, she took a ladle from a drawer and spooned batter into the
skillet. "You think I'm naive, and gullible, and so needy for love that
I'll believe anything that offers the possibility of it?"
"I think you have a soft heart."
"And a malleable one?" The cool gaze she sent him was a surprise,
as was her nod. "You may be right. Trying to fit yourself into forms so
that the people you love will love you back the way you want keeps the heart
malleable. And while I hope to be done with that, while I'm going to try to be
done with that, I prefer having a heart that accepts imprints from
others."
A patient heart, she thought, but by God if it was a cowardly one.
Deftly, she flipped the pancakes. "What hardened yours, Conal?"
"You've good aim when you decide to notch the arrow."
"Maybe I haven't reached into the quiver often enough." But she
would now. Movements smooth and unhurried, she turned the pancakes onto a
platter, spooned more batter into the pan. "Why don't you ever speak of
your mother?"
Bull's-eye, he thought, and said nothing as she set him a place at the
table.
"I have a right to know."
"You do, yes."
She got out honey, cinnamon, poured the tea. "Sit down. Your breakfast
will get cold."
With a half laugh, he did as she asked. She was a puzzle, and why had he
believed he'd already solved her? He waited until she'd emptied the skillet,
turned it off, and come to the table to join him.
"My mother was from the near village," he began. "Her father
was a fisherman, and her mother died in childbirth when my own mother was a
girl. The baby died as well, so my mother was the youngest and the only
daughter and pampered, she told me, by her father and brothers."
"You have uncles in the village?"
"I do. Three, and their families. Though some of the younger have gone
to the mainland or beyond. My father was an only child."
She drizzled honey on her pancakes, passed the bottle to Conal. He had
family, she thought, and still kept so much alone. "So you have cousins
here, too?"
"Some number of them. We played together when I was a boy. It was from
them that I first heard of what runs in me. I thought it a story, like others
you hear, like silkies and mermaids and faerie forts."
He ate because it was there and she'd gone to the trouble to make it.
"My mother liked to draw, to sketch, and she taught me how to see things.
How to make what you see come out in pencil and chalk. My father, he loved the
sea, and thought I would follow him there. But she gave me clay for my eighth
birthday. And I…"
He paused, lifted his hands, stared at them through narrowed eyes. They were
very like his father's. Big, blunt, and with strength in them. But they had
never been made for casting nets.
"The shaping of it, the finding what was inside it… I was compelled
to see. And wood, carving away at it until you could show others what you'd
seen in it. She understood that. She knew that."
"Your father was disappointed?"
"Puzzled more, I think." Conal moved his shoulders, picked up his
fork again. "How could a man make a living, after all, whittling at wood
or chipping at hunks of rock? But it pleased my mother, so he let it be. For
her, and I learned later, because in his mind my fate was already set. So
whether I sculpted or fished wouldn't matter in the end."
When he fell silent, looked back at the pendant, Allena slipped it under her
sweater. And feeling the quiet heat of it against her heart, waited for him to
continue.
Chapter 10
"After me, my parents tried for more children. Twice my mother
miscarried, and the second, late in her term… damaged her. I was young,
but I remember her having to stay in bed a long time and how pale she was even
when she could get up. My father set a chair out for her, so she could be
outside and watch the sea. She was never well after that, but I didn't
know."
"You were just a boy." When she touched a hand to his, he looked
down, smiled a little.
"Soft heart, Allena." He turned his hand over, squeezed hers once,
then released. "She was ill the summer I was twelve. Three times that spring,
my father took her on the ferry, and I stayed with my cousins. She was dying,
and no one could find a way to save her. Part of me knew that, but I pushed it
out of my mind. Every time she came home again, I was certain it was all
right."
"Poor little boy," Allena murmured.
"He doesn't deserve as much sympathy as you think. That summer, when I
was twelve, she walked down to the sea with me. She should've been in bed, but
she wouldn't go. She told me of the stone dance and the star and my place in
it. She showed me the pendant you're wearing now, though I'd seen it countless
times before. She closed my hand around it with her own, and I felt it breathe.
"I was so angry. I wasn't different from the other lads I knew, no
different from my cousins and playmates. Why would she say so? She told me I
was young to have it passed on to me, but she and my father had discussed it.
He'd agreed to let her do it, in her time and her own way. She wanted to give
me the pendant before she left us."
"You didn't want it."
"No, by God, I didn't. I wanted her. I wanted things to be as they
were. When she was well and I was nothing more than a lad running over the
hills. I wanted her singing in the kitchen again, the way she did before she
was ill."
Everything inside her ached for him, but when she reached out, Conal waved
her off. "I shouted at her, and I ran from her. She called after me, and
tried to come after me, but I was strong and healthy and she wasn't. Even when
I heard her weeping, I didn't look back. I went and hid in my uncle's boat
shed. It wasn't till the next morning that my father found me.
"He didn't take a strap to me as I might have expected, or drag me home
by the ear as I deserved. He just sat down beside me, pulled me against him,
and told me my mother had died in the night."
His eyes were vivid as they met Allena's. She wondered that the force of
them didn't burn away the tears that swam in her own. "I loved her. And my
last words to her were the bitter jabs of an angry child."
"Do you think—oh, Conal, can you possibly believe those words are
what she took with her?"
"I left her alone."
"And you still blame a frightened and confused twelve-year-old boy for
that? Shame on you for your lack of compassion."
Her words jolted him. He rose as she did. "Years later, when I was a
man, I did the same with my father."
"That's self-indulgent and untrue." Briskly, she stacked plates,
carried them to the sink. It wasn't sympathy he needed, she realized. But
plain, hard truth. "You told me yourself you didn't know he was ill. He
didn't tell you."
She ran the water hot, poured detergent into it, stared hard at the rising
foam. "You curse the idea you have—what did you call it—elfin
blood—but you sure as hell appear to enjoy the notion of playing
God."
If she'd thrown the skillet at his head he'd have been less shocked.
"That's easy for you to say, when you can walk away from all of this
tomorrow."
"That's right, I can." She turned the faucet off and turned to
him. "I can, finally, do whatever I want to do. I can thank you for that,
for helping me see what I was letting happen, for showing me that I have something
of value to give. And I want to give it, Conal. I want to make a home and a
family and a life for someone who values me, who understands me and who loves
me. I won't take less ever again. But you will. You're still hiding in the boat
shed, only now you call it a studio."
Vile and hateful words rose up in his throat. But he was no longer a young
boy, and he rejected them for the sharper blade of ice. "I've told you
what you asked to know. I understand what you want, but you have no
understanding of what I need."
He walked out, letting the door slap shut behind him.
"You're wrong," she said quietly. "I do understand."
She kept herself busy through the morning. If she did indeed go away the
next day, she would leave something of herself behind. He wouldn't be allowed
to forget her.
She hung the curtains she'd mended, pleased when the sunlight filtered
through the lace into patterns on the floor. In the laundry room she found
tools and brushes and everything she needed. With a kind of defiance she hauled
it all outside. She was going to scrape and paint the damn shutters.
The work calmed her, and that malleable heart she'd spoken of began to ache.
Now and then she glanced over at the studio. He was in there, she knew. Where
else would he be? Though part of her wanted to give up, to go to him, she did
understand his needs.
He needed time.
"But it's running out," she murmured. Stepping back, she studied
the results of her labors. The paint gleamed wet and blue, and behind the
windows the lace fluttered in the breeze.
Now that it was done and there was nothing else, her body seemed to cave in
on itself with fatigue. Nearly stumbling with it, she went into the house. She
would lie down for a little while, catch up on the sleep she'd lost the night
before.
Just an hour, she told herself and, stretching out on the bed, went under
fast and deep.
Conal stepped back from his own work. His hands were smeared with clay to
the wrists, and his eyes half blind with concentration.
Allena of the Faeries. She stood tall, slim, her head cocked slyly
over one shoulder, her eyes long and her mouth bowed with secrets. She wasn't
beautiful, nor was she meant to be. But how could anyone look away?
How could he?
Her wings were spread as if she would fly off at any moment. Or fold them
again and stay, if you asked her.
He wouldn't ask her. Not when she was bound by something that was beyond
both of them.
God, she'd infuriated him. He went to the sink, began to scrub his hands and
arms. Snipping and sniping at him that way, telling him what he thought and
felt. He had a mind of his own and he'd made it up. He'd done nothing but tell
her the truth of that, of everything, from the beginning.
He wanted peace and quiet and his work. And his pride, he thought, as his
hands dripped water. The pride that refused to accept that his path was already
cut. In the end, would he be left with only that?
The emptiness stretched out before him, staggeringly deep. Were these, then,
after all, his choices? All or nothing? Acceptance or loneliness?
Hands unsteady, he picked up a towel, drying off as he turned and studied
the clay figure. "You already know, don't you? You knew from the
first."
He tossed the towel aside, strode to the door. The light shifted, dimmed
even as he yanked it open. Storm clouds crept in, already shadowing the sea.
He turned for the cottage, and what he saw stopped him in his tracks. She'd
painted the shutters, was all he could think. The curtains she'd hung danced
gaily in the rising wind. She'd hung a basket beside the door and filled it
with flowers.
How was a man to resist such a woman?
How could it be a trap when she'd left everything, even herself, unlocked
and unguarded?
All or nothing? Why should he live with nothing?
He strode toward the cottage and three steps from the door found the way
barred to him. "No." Denial, and a lick of fear, roughened his voice
as he shoved uselessly at the air. "Damn you! You'd keep me from her
now?"
He called out to her, but her name was whisked away by the rising wind, and
the first drops of rain pelted down.
"All right, then. So be it." Panting, he stepped back. "We'll
see what comes at the end of the day."
So he went through the storm to the place that called to his blood.
She woke with a start, the sound of her own name in her ears. And woke in
the dark.
"Conal?" Disoriented, she climbed out of bed, reached for the
lamp. But no light beamed when she turned the switch. A storm, she thought
blearily. It was storming. She needed to close the windows.
She fumbled for the candle, then her hand jerked and knocked it off the
little table.
Dark? How could it be dark?
Time. What time was it? Frantically she searched for the candle, found a match.
Before she could light it, lightning flashed and she saw the dial of the little
wind-up clock.
Eleven o'clock.
No! It was impossible. She'd slept away all but the last hour of the longest
day.
"Conal?" She rushed out of the room, out of the house, into the
wind. Rain drenched her as she ran to his studio, fought to open the door.
Gone. He was gone. Struggling against despair, she felt along the wall for
the shelves, and on the shelves for the flashlight she'd seen there.
The thin beam made her sigh with relief, then her breath caught again at
what stood in the line of that light.
Her own face, her own body, made fanciful with wings. Did he see her that
way? Clever and confident and lovely?
"I feel that way. For the first time in my life, I feel that way."
Slowly, she shut the light off, set it aside. She knew where he'd gone, and
understood, somehow, that she was meant to find her own way there, as he had,
in the dark.
The world went wild as she walked, as wild as the day she had come to this
place. The ground shook, and the sky split, and the sea roared like a dragon.
Instead of fear, all she felt was the thrill of being part of it. This day
wouldn't pass into night without her. Closing her hand over the star between
her breasts, she followed the route that was clear as a map in her head.
Steep and rough was the path that cut through rock, and slippery with wet.
But she never hesitated, never faltered. The stones loomed above, giants
dancing in the tempest. In its heart, the midsummer fire burned, bright and
gold, despite the driving rain.
And facing it, the shadow that was a man.
Her heart, as she'd been told, knew.
"Conal."
He turned to her. His eyes were fierce as if whatever wild was in the night
pranced in him as well. "Allena."
"No, I've something to say." She walked forward, unhurried though
the air trembled. "There's always a choice, Conal, always another
direction. Do you think I'd want you without your heart? Do you think I'd hold
you with this?"
In a violent move she pulled the pendant from around her neck and threw it.
"No!" He grabbed for it, but the star only brushed his fingertips
before it landed inside the circle. "Can you cast it off so easily? And me
with it?"
"If I have to. I can go, make a life without you, and part of me will
always grieve. Or I can stay, make a home with you, bear your children, and
love you for everything you are. Those are my choices. You have yours."
She held out her arms. "There's nothing but me here to hold you. There
never was."
Emotions tumbled through him, end over end. "Twice I've let the people
I loved go without telling them. Even when I came here tonight I thought I
might do so again."
He pushed dripping hair away from his face. "I'm a moody man,
Allena."
"So you told me once before. I never would have known it
otherwise."
His breath came out in a half laugh. "You'd slap at me at such a
time?" He took a step toward her. "You painted the shutters."
"So what?"
"I'll make you pots in dark blue, to fill with your flowers."
"Why?"
"Because I love you."
She opened her mouth, closed it again, took a careful breath. "Because
I painted the shutters?"
"Yes. Because you would think to. Because you mended my mother's
curtains. Because you pick berries. Because you swim naked in the sea. Because
you look at me and see who I am. Whatever brought you here, brought us here,
doesn't matter. What I feel for you is all there is. Please, God, don't leave
me."
"Conal." The storm, inside her and around her, quieted. "You
only have to ask."
"They say there's magic here, but it's you who brought it. Would you
take me, Allena?" He reached for her hand, clasped it. "And give
yourself to me. Make that home and that life and those children with me. I
pledge to you I'll love you, and I'll treasure you, ever hour of every
day." He lifted her hand, pressed his lips to it. "I'd lost
something, and you brought it back to me. You've brought me my heart."
So, she thought, he'd found the key after all. "I'll take you, Conal,
and give myself to you." Her eyes were dry and clear and steady. "And
everything we make, we'll make together. I promise to love you now and ever
after."
As she wrapped her arms around him, the mists cleared. In the dark sea of
the sky a star began to pulse. The fire shimmered down to a pool of gold flame,
tipped red as ruby. The air went sharp and cool so the stones stood out like a
carving in glass.
And they sang in whispers.
"Do you hear it?" Allena murmured.
"Yes. There." He turned her, held her close to his side as the
shimmering beam from the midsummer star shot through the stones and like an
arrow pinned its light to its mate on the ground.
The pendant burst blue, a clean fire, star-shaped and brilliant. While star
joined star, the circle was the world, full of light and sound and power.
Then the longest day passed, slipping into the shortest night. The light
rippled, softened, faded. The stones sighed to silence.
Conal drew her farther into the circle. The fire rose up again, and shot
sparks into her eyes, stroked warmth over his skin. He bent to pick up the
pendant, and slipping the chain around her neck, sealed the promise.
"This belongs to you, and so do I."
"It belongs to me." She pressed their joined hands against it.
"Until it belongs to another. I'll always be yours."
She kissed him there, inside the echo of magic, then stepped back.
"Come home," she said.
Some say that the faeries came out of their raft to celebrate and danced
round the midsummer fire while the star showered the last of its light. But
those who had magic in their hearts and had pledged it left the circle, walked
from the cliffs and along the quiet beach to the cottage with dark blue
shutters that waited by the sea.