"Spider Robinson - Admiral Bob" - читать интересную книгу автора (Robinson Spider)

ADMIRAL BOB

Another eulogy for a departed saint,
again in the style of that most
immaculately hip aristocrat,
the sainted Lord Buckley .. .

Milords an' Ladies of the Royal Court .. .
Now we been swingin ourselves up a fine little jam session this weekend, got
down tight an' right an' blew us some nice skiffy riffsтАФcause we all dig that
skiffyтАФan' I heard all you cats talldn 'bout who the greatest cat in the world was,
talkin' 'bout Dr. A the Robot Gasser, an' Compact Carlan Ellison, an' High Gee
Wells, an' Teddy the Fish, an' Herb Varley on his Verb Harley, an' Steele-Drivin' Al,
an' Freddy the Ten-Inch Pohl, an' Jaws, the Poul Shark, an' the Lawd knows these
are all heavy catsтАФ
тАФbut ah'mo' put a cat on you ... that was the sweetest . . . gonest . . . wailin'est .
. . GROOVIEST cat that ever stomped upon this swingin' sphere! He was the stone
king of skiffy, an' they call dis yar cat
ADMIRAL BOB ...
That's what they called him: Admiral Bob, retired gob, he done the job an' stoned
the mob. (For a change, if you dig.) He didn't invent skiffy, understandтАФbut he's the
cat that made skiffy spiffy! An' if he never blew, I wouldn't be here talkin' to you.
Like I say, he was a sailor cat in front, fig-ured to drive the battleship, an' sure as
God made little green parkin' tickets he'd of made it, too ... but one day the Black
Leather Angel come swingin' on by, sayin', "TB, or not TB?" an' Bob say, "Baby,
that's a good question (COUGH!)," an' wham, they put him on the beach an' give
him the walkin' paper: tell him to buy a rowboat an' a cannon an' go into busi-ness
for himself.
But it didn't bring him down. Cat just say, "My problem is clear. I need somethin'
heavier than a battleship. Gotta have a really dangerous weapon," an' he bought him
a typewriter.
Now, cats an' kitties blew skiffy in them days, we're talkin
nineteen-thirty-an'-leapin'-nine, an' there was some pretty heavy players in town:
studs like Julie the Frog, an' High Gee Wells, an' Doc Smith, an' Cactus Jack, an' Oa
funny little cat named Binder that had two heads. They was puttin' down some nice
roots kinda riffsтАФdudes had been blowin' skiffy ever since a stud named I Owe
Greenbacks opened up the first skiffy club, but you still had to go over the tracks to
dig it.
Now the joint that jumped the most was called Astounding, on account of it was,
an' the club owner was a cat they called Heavy John Campbell: very heavy cat
indeed. Had dudes hitchin' a thousand miles for a chance to play for pass--the-hat,
had to beat 'em off the stand with a club, an' if you couldn't blow for Heavy John,
you was Square an' Nowhere.
So one night it's Open Mike Night, an' cats an' kitties are blowin' up an insane
breeze, havin' a cuttin' contest, you dig, an' Heavy John sayin' (point) "Groovy," an'
(point) "Later, Jackson," an' the back door bang open, an'тАФ
 WHAM! There stand Admiral Bob .. .
... standin' there straight as a bass an' tall as a tree, uniform got a crease on it
that'd cut like a killer review, gold braid an' a sword, an' half the cats there saluted
without even thinkin'.