"Richard Paul Russo - The Second Descent" - читать интересную книгу автора (Russo Richard Paul)

A numb exhaustion overwhelmed him, and with weak legs he made
his way to a narrow slab of rock and sat, gazing down on that endless
expanse.

****

When Leila is five years old, she contracts bacterial meningitis, and
for three days lies close to death in the ICU, with the physicians unable to
tell Rafael and Kiyoko if their daughter will survive. Rafael and Kiyoko
virtually live in the hospital, sleep and eat there, and wander the corridors
one at a time like lost somnambulists.

In the evening of the third day, Rafael goes out onto the hospitalтАЩs
rooftop garden and sits on a bench, looking up at the stars. For two days a
terrible dread has grown in him, so debilitating that he can barely function.
He rarely speaks, thinking is slow and muddy, and even the simplest of
movements seems beyond him, for nearly every possible future he
contemplates is filled with that dread, and it cannot be dispelled.

The stars glimmer weakly against the muted dark sky so pale in
comparison to the bright obsidian night sky above the worldтАЩs highest
mountains. Rafael lets himself fully imagine the different possible
outcomes for Leila, and what each would mean for all of them. He imagines
first what it would be like if Leila dies, how his grief might take hold of him,
tear open a wound in his heart that would never heal, how KiyokoтАЩs grief
might manifest, and how their mutual grief and emptiness might impact their
own relationshipтАФeven there he can imagine several possibilities, almost
none of them good.

His jaw aches from clenching, his stomach cramps, and he wipes
tears from his face with a trembling hand. Several minutes pass before his
breathing is slow and even.

Then he imagines what their lives would be like if Leila survives, but
with severe and permanent brain damage....

...or lifelong disabilities....

...or chronic pain....

...or....

He grips the bench to hold himself upright, wrung out, exhausted, and
dizzy, as if he sits in a small rowboat out at sea.

Eventually, he lets himself revel in the possibility of a full recovery, the
relief and joy and gratitude that brings, along with a greater appreciation for
their lives.