"Simmons,.Wm.Mark.-.3.-.Habeas.Corpses.v1.1" - читать интересную книгу автора (Simmons William Mark)

It wasn't a wooden stake but just about as effectual. Ashes to ashes and dust to dust.
I climbed wearily to my feet and tested for broken bones. None apparent but I was going to purple up like a Grand Canyon sunset on the tomorrow. Back when I was still fully human, the bruises would have lasted several weeks. Now? Maybe a couple of days.
Maybe.
Tonight?
I looked around the cellar at the minor mayhem left in the wake of the fight. The timer on the tanning bed ran out just as I noted that it was going to require some major detailing and rehab work. As for the rest . . .
I started up the stairs. It could wait until tomorrow. Tonight was movie night. I was going to relax and have a good time.
Even if it killed me.
* * *
Mr. Disposable Razor aka the French Fry Guy had planted flash-bangs, not bombs, on the property. Since their purpose was to distract and lure the others away while murder most foul was committed, their destructive potential was quite minimal.
After a quick recap of my story and making sure that I wasn't at Death's door, the ladies descended into the basement to check on the real damage. Deirdre's security team was out, combing the grounds and walking the perimeters in case anything else had slipped through. I was pretty sure that the rest of the night would be relatively quiet but then I had gone into the cellar unarmed so what did I know?
After a couple of moments The Kid closed the door on the sounds of Lupщ sweeping up and Deirdre mourning her Solar-Tropic 9000 Ultra Bronzing Environment with duo-control tanning options. He sat down across from me and leaned close. "You okay, chief?"
"Ducky. My home turf is turning into Vampapolooza and my only recourse is to go to New York and face down the fang gang all at once so they won't keep dropping in on me a few at a time. Other than thatЧ"
"Sure, sure, lissen: I need a palaver," he said in hushed tones. "I need some advice on the frail side."
It took a second to run that through the time-warp translator. Frail: chick, squeeze, babe. Female. It helped if one watched a lot of the old Warner Brothers gangster movies from the forties. "Two questions, Junior," I growled, "who is it and why me?" I had a new bodyache to go with my previous headache and I wasn't in the mood for any additional complexities to the evening.
"Well . . ." His gaze swept the room like a film noir lookout planning a bank heist. "You've got experience."
"Experience?" I knew the educational system didn't have sex ed when J.D. was dipping schoolgirls' pigtails in inkwells but the little undead runt had been around long enough to do two lifetimes of the other kind of dipping.
"I mean, dating a Warm."
"A what?" I didn't recall this particular bit of noirish lingo.
"A 'Breather,'" he elaborated. "You've been married. Had a family. And, since the transformation, you've been involved outside your species."
I grabbed his arm a little more roughly than I intended. The subject of my family was still a sore spot and it didn't take much to push the buttons on my mood elevator. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"Calm down, Hon," breathed a familiar voice in my ear.
I looked around even though I knew I wouldn't see my late wife. She rarely made a visual appearance anymore. It was as if something was causing her ectoplasm to do a slow fade. "He needs some fatherly advice," Jenny-the-friendly-ghost-ex continued, "not Daddy Dearest."
"I need some advice," The Kid echoed, unaware that our tъte-р-tъte had just turned into a three-way. "Date-wise."
"Date-wise?"
He nodded and lowered his voice. "Don't go all dark on me, Cecil; I'm askin' for the straight dope."
"He's serious, Chris," Jen chimed in. "Be nice. This is hard for him."
"It would help," I said, "if I knew what we were talking about."
The Kid opened his mouth, hesitated, and closed it again.
"I think it involves the birds and the bees," she kibitzed.
"What?!"
"I didn't say nothin'," he said.
I cocked an eyebrow. "You got a question about the birds and the bees? Or, in your case, the bats and the wasps?" I felt a ghostly finger thump my ear but I couldn't help the attitude: this was a little like your grandfather asking for advice on bedroom techniques.
"It ain't about sex," he huffed. "Leastways, not yet."
"What's not about sex?" Lupщ asked, reappearing sooner than anticipated. She was toting the broom still dark with dust and ashes and I prayed Jenny wouldn't be tempted to snark. Even though she was dead and had already pronounced Lupщ good for me, former wives can get funny about their replacements and Jenny still had her moments.
The Kid blushedЧsort of. Being a vampire, however, he blushed in reverse. Excess blood in an undead body is drawn away from the skin during periods of physical or emotional stress or strain: a blush looks more like a blanch. And The Kid was now as white as a sheet.
"We're talking about man-stuff, dear," I said, trying to rescue J.D. from further humiliation. I wasn't being especially kind. Humiliating The Kid was my own province and I didn't like to share.
Deirdre was right behind. "What's the sitch?"
J.D. looked from Lupщ to Deirdre and his eyes took on the appearance of a cornered animal's.
"James and Christopher are having a conversation about 'man-stuff'," Lupщ explained.
"Man-stuff?" The redhead pondered for all of three seconds. "That means they're talking about sex."
The Kid glared at me.
I held my hands up. "I didn't say that."
Lupщ smiled. "But you did, dear. All women know 'man-stuff' is merely a euphemism for 'sex.'"
"Not true," I tried. "Man-stuff can be about cars and sports and lawn care and stuff."
She stood her ground: "It's about sex when men don't want women to listen in."
"The question is," Deirdre chimed in, "why don't you want us to listen in?"
"I was just looking for a little advice," The Kid said with obvious reluctance.
"Then why is he asking you about sex?" my wife's ghost murmured in my ear.
"Hey, I know about sex," I whispered back.
Apparently not quietly enough. Everyone turned to look at me. "Is Jenny here?" Deirdre asked.