"Stewart, Donald Ogden - Perfect Behavior" - читать интересную книгу автора (Stewart Donald Ogden)

(cool) for November (May)," to which the other replies, "I'll say
it is."

This brings up the interesting question of introducing two people
to each other, neither of whose names you can remember. This is
generally done by saying very quickly to one of the parties, "Of
course you know Miss Unkunkunk." Say the last "unk" very quickly,
so that it sounds like any name from Ab to Zinc. You might even
sneeze violently. Of course, in nine cases out of ten, one of the
two people will at once say, "I didn't get the name," at which
you laugh, "Ha! Ha! Ha!" in a carefree manner several times,
saying at the same time, "Well, well--so you didn't get the
name--you didn't get the name --well, well." If the man still
persists in wishing to know who it is to whom he is being
introduced, the best procedure consists in simply braining him on
the spot with a club or convenient slab of paving stone.

The "introduction," in cases where you have no mutual friend to
do the introducing, is somewhat more difficult but can generally
be arranged as follows:

Procure a few feet of stout manila rope or clothes-line, from any
of the better-class hardware stores. Ascertain (from the Social
Register, preferably) the location of the young lady's residence,
and go there on some dark evening about nine o'clock. Fasten the
rope across the sidewalk in front of the residence about six
inches or a foot from the ground. Then, with the aid of a match
and some kerosene, set fire to the young lady's house in several
places and retire behind a convenient tree. After some time, if
she is at home, she will probably be forced to run out of her
house to avoid being burned to death. In her excitement she will
fail to notice the rope which you have stretched across the
sidewalk and will fall. This is your opportunity to obtain an
introduction. Stepping up to her and touching your hat politely,
you say, in a well modulated voice, "I beg your pardon, Miss Doe,
but I cannot help noticing that you are lying prone on the
sidewalk." If she is well bred, she will not at first speak to
you, as you are a perfect stranger. This silence, however, should
be your cue to once more tip your hat and remark, "I realize,
Miss Doe, that I have not had the honor of an introduction, but
you will admit that you are lying prone on the sidewalk. Here is
my card--and here is one for Mrs. Doe, your mother." At that you
should hand her two plain engraved calling cards, each containing
your name and address. If there are any other ladies in her
family--aunts, grandmothers, et cetera--it is correct to leave
cards for them also. Be sure that the cards are clean, as the
name on the calling card is generally sufficient for
identification purposes without the addition of the thumbprint.

When she has accepted your cards, she will give you one of hers,