"Charles Stross - Trunk and Disorderly" - читать интересную книгу автора (Stross Charles)

he was too fast for me, nipping right under my seat and out the other side,
spiking my unmentionables on the way as I flailed around in search of
something to throw at him.

тАЬRight! That does it!тАЭ People to either side were turning to stare at
me, wondering what was going on. тАЬIтАЩm going to get youтАФтАЭ I managed to
lever myself upright just in time to see Jeremy scramble out through one of
the pointy-looking archways at the back of the hall, then found myself
eyeball to hairy eyeball with Ibn Cut-ThroatтАЩs administrative assistant.

тАЬPlease not to create so much of a noise, Ralphie-san,тАЭ said the
junior under-vizier: тАЬHis Excellency has an announcement to make.тАЭ

And it was true. Human flunkies were discreetly passing among the
audience, attracting the guestsтАЩ attention and quieting down the background
of chit-chat. The band had settled down and was gently serenading us with
its plucked vocal chords. I glanced after Jeremy one last time: тАЬIтАЩll deal with
you later,тАЭ I muttered. Even by JeremyтАЩs usual standards, this behavior was
quite intolerable; if I didnтАЩt know better, IтАЩd swear there was something up
with the blighter. Then I looked back at the stage at the front of the room.

The curtain sublimed in a showy flash of velvet smoke, revealing a
high throne cradled in a bower of hydroponically rooted date palms. His
Excellency Abdul al-Matsumoto, younger sibling of the Emir of Mars, rose
from his seat upon the throne: naked eunuch bodyguards, their skins oiled
and gleaming, raised their katanas in salute to either side. тАЬMy friends,тАЭ old
Abdul droned in a remarkably un-Abdul like monotone: тАЬIt makes me more
happy than I can tell you to welcome you all to my humble retreat tonight.тАЭ

Abdul wore robes of blinding white cotton, and a broad gold
chainтАФfirst prize for atmosphere diving from the club, I do believe. Behind
him, a row of veiled figures in shapeless black robes nudged each other.
His wives? I wondered, or his husbands? тАЬTonight is the first of my
thousand nights and one night,тАЭ he continued, looking more than slightly
glassy-eyed. тАЬIn honor of my sort-of ancestor, the Sultan Schahriar, and in
view of my now being, quote, too old to play the field, my elder brother,
peace be unto him, has decreed a competition for my hand in marriage. For
this night and the next thousand, lucky concubines of every appropriate
gender combination will vie for the opportunity to become my sole and
most important sultana.тАЭ

тАЬThatтАЩs right, itтАЩs not just a date!тАЭ added Ibn Cut-Throat, from the
side-lines.

тАЬI shall take the winnerтАЩs hand in marriage, along with the rest of their
body. The losersтАФwell, thatтАЩs too boring and tiresome to go into here, but
they wonтАЩt be writing any kiss-and-tell stories: they should have made
backups before entering the competition, thatтАЩs not my problem.
Meanwhile, I ask you to raise a toast with me to the first seven aspiring
princesses of Mars, standing here behind me, and their intelligence and