"Charles Stross - Trunk and Disorderly" - читать интересную книгу автора (Stross Charles)

тАЬUgh.тАЭ I took it and dry-swallowed, then hiccupped. тАЬFionaтАЩs animal
tamerтАЩll probably drop the monster off in the porch but IтАЩd better get
upтАЩnтАЩcase sis shows.тАЭ I hiccupped again, acid indigestion clenching my
stomach. тАЬUrgh. Wossa invitation list for tonight?тАЭ

тАЬEverything is perfectly under control,тАЭ my new butler said, a trifle
patronizingly. тАЬNow if Sir would care to step inside the dryer while I lay out
his suitтАФтАЭ

I surrendered to the inevitable. After all, once youтАЩve accepted
delivery of a dwarf mammoth on behalf of your sister nothing worse can
happen to you all day, can it?

Unfortunately, I was wrong. FionaтАЩs chauffeuse did indeed deposit
Jeremy, but on a schedule of her own choosing. She must have already
been on the way as Fi was nattering on the blower. While Miss Feng was
introducing herself, she was sneakily decanting the putrid proboscidean
into the ornamental porch via her limousineтАЩs airlock. She accomplished this
with stealth and panache, and made a successful retreat, but not before
she completed my sisterтАЩs act of domestic sabotage by removing the frilly
pink restraining rope that was all that kept Jeremy from venting his spleen
on everything within reach. Which he commenced to do all over great-uncle
ArnoldтАЩs snooker table, which I was only looking after while he was
out-system on business. It was the triumphant squeaking that clued me in
that we had problemsтАФnormally Jeremy manages to achieve a
preternaturally silent approach while he sneaks up on one with mischief in
what passes for his mindтАФas I headed toward the stairs to my dressing
room.

тАЬHelp me,тАЭ I said, gesturing at the porch, from which a duet for HellтАЩs
piccolo and bull in a china shop was emanating.

The butler immediately rose in my estimation by producing a bolas.
тАЬWould this serve?тАЭ she asked.

тАЬYes. Only heтАЩs a bit short for a mammothтАФтАЭ

Too late. Miss FengтАЩs throw was targeted perfectly, and it would have
succeeded if Jeremy had been built to the scale of a typical pachyderm.
Alas, the whirling balls flew across the room and tangled in the chandelier
while Jeremy, trumpeting and honking angrily, raised his tusks and charged
at my kneecaps. тАЬOh dear,тАЭ said the new butler.

I blinked and began to move. I was too slow, the sober-up still fighting
the residual effects of the alcohol in my blood. Jeremy veered toward me,
tusks raised menacingly to threaten the old family jewels. I began to turn,
and was just raising my arms to fend off the monster (who appeared
dead-set on editing the family tree to the benefit of FionaтАЩs line) when Miss
Feng leaned sideways and in one elegant gesture ripped the ancient lace