"Lisa Tuttle - A Cold Dish" - читать интересную книгу автора (Tuttle Lisa)

Carmen was reassuring. Strange dreams, violent fantasies, are not so unusual. They
don't mean I'm an awful person. I certainly don't have to act on my fantasies. That I
fear I might тАж well, it's not surprising if I seem a stranger to myself, if my mind
works differently these days: pregnancy is an altered state.
Carmen started out as my guilt counselor but she's become my friend. She was
supposed to help me come to terms with my own accountability, to break down the
"criminal mind-set" which had put me on the wrong path, and help me with
"reintegration" into society. Over the months she's become more of a general
advisor, and a good friend. Maybe the only friend I've got, after all that happened.


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I did feel guilty when we first got caught; so did Josh. Actually, we felt guilty even
before that, fearful of being caughtтАФoffice affairs are always a bad idea, but
sometimes they're irresistible.
I should have resisted, I know that. We both knew about the legislation specifically
outlawing sexual activity on federal property between federal employees. To make
matters worse, we weren't equals: I was his boss.

But it wasn't sexual harrassment! It wasn't like that between us. I didn't force him
into anything. Everything he said in court was a ruse designed by his lawyer to get
him a lighter sentence. It worked, too. He was so convincing even I wondered: was
I really a heartless, predatory she-devil who had intimidated poor young Josh into
providing sexual gratification?

I know lawyers will say anything. My own lawyer wanted to accuse Josh of rape, but
I kept her reined in. I wasn't prepared to do that to himтАФand, anyway, she admitted
that if we weren't believed, it could backfire really badly. I thought I had less to lose
than Josh: no partner, money in the bank.тАж I'd lost my job, of courseтАФwe both
hadтАФbut I figured I'd move into the private sector once the uproar died down.

I knew I'd done wrong, and I accepted that I would be punished. I thought losing my
job was punishment enough. When I admitted my guilt, I didn't realize it would go to
court.

Legal bills ate up my savings in no time. I didn't know how I'd manage to pay the
fine. I didn't know the judge had worse than a fine up his sleeve.

Judge Arnold Jason. A handsome, vigorous man, undeniably attractive. He was
married, but I'd bet there were affairs. Maybe not actually in chambers, and maybe
not with anyone who worked for him, but a man like that would find plenty of
opportunities, have plenty of offers тАж I'd be astonished if he turned them all down.
And I'd thought it might make him a little more sympathetic to people like me and
Josh.

But he lectured us like some Old Testament prophet, like some patriarch bearing the
word of God down to the miserable sinners.тАж Yes, he used the word "sin," without