"Rajnar Vajra - Passing the Arboli Test" - читать интересную книгу автора (Vajra Rajnar)

setting waited on a surface designed to comfortably hold a dozen. I stared
suspiciously at two forks, two spoons, a knife, an elaborately folded napkin,
and a delicate white china plate.
"Please sit on chair. We do abhor the chair so this self will join you
in the Arboli manner."




Page 4
 The mahogany high-backed chair squeaked on the floor as I pulled it out
-- probably saying something insulting in Arboli. I sat gingerly, fighting an
immediate tendency to squirm. The chair wasn't any more comfortable than it
looked. Neither was I. Then I had something else to think about. Breakfast was
served.
Another alien had entered the room bearing a large silver tray. The
tray held a huge bowl filled with some muddy liquid. That wasn't what made my
eyes bug out. Near the bowl, sat a gallon sized plastic bucket filled with
water. Next to that was a family-sized box of Wheaties.
At least they offered me the "Breakfast of Champions," rather than what
resembled a "Breakfast for Champignons."
Wonderful. Which spoon or perhaps fork was the proper one for Wheaties?
Where was Emily Post when I needed her? Was I supposed to cut the cereal with
a knife before conveying them from plate to mouth? This was weird.
The meal was a bad joke, but I got through it. My companion fed itself
by putting a few roots in the bowl of goo, which had been placed on the floor.
As I watched, the level of liquid slowly went down. As for me, I decided to
forgo the pleasure of pouring water on my cereal and ate it dry with a spoon.
Scrumptious and crunchy.
"You are no longer ingesting. Are you satisfied?"
"Thanks. Couldn't manage another bite."
"Superb. This self will now tell you of the first test. Because of your
fine Profile you will only need two tests -- this you know?"
"I've been told. Go on."
"Both challenges are for mind and body. Mind _and_ body. Be prepared!"
I managed not to suggest the Arboli should test a freaking Boy Scout.
One branch-like limb waved toward one of three doors set at the end of
the dining room. "You will leave by that middle portal. There you will find a
hallway. Enter the room at the hallway's terminus. Close the door after you go
inside. You will find yourself in a place of water: water shower, water bath,
and water closet."
"A bathroom. I got you."
"Do you need to avail yourself of such a facility?"
"No."
"Superb! Do not become distracted by internal needs! Two humans with
sharp cutting blades will soon enter and attempt to puncture you."
"What? You're kidding!"
The Arboli swayed from side to side, creaking. "Not at all. Do not fear
to injure these humans; they are not real."
"Well, that a relief."