THE
NATION. Ever concerned with raising the level
of political discourse in this country, we asked novelist
Kurt Vonnegut to compose an acceptance speech for Michael
Dukakis. Of course, writers have contributed to presidential
oratory in the past, but their efforts were lost in
the revision-by-committee process. Here's the real thing,
unfiltered and undiluted.
I
am here to serve the people of the United States of
America -- all of them, in all ways which are lawful.
I
will not now speak of my humbleness. It has been said
with some truth, I suppose, that almost anyone can grow
up to be President. I have to add, ''But surely not
an humble child.'' The Presidency is simultaneously
a pinnacle of power and of vanity, and God help us all.
An
aspect of my vanity, which seems to have found favor
with a majority of those who chose to vote, is my belief
that, with the help of the fourth branch of government
mentioned in our Constitution, ''We the people,'' I
can do a lot to help the United States of America become
the United States of America--at last, at last.
The
echo of Martin Luther King in my words is intentional
when I say ''at last, at last.''
It
will do us no harm today, as it has surely done no harm
to other nations I need not name, to acknowledge a past
soiled with atrocities, including, in our case, slavery
and genocide, and the treatment of women of whatever
race under law as though they were not citizens but
property. Let us celebrate how far we have come from
such bad old days in so short a time, and measure how
far we have yet to go.
What
better measurementmight we use for progress made and
progress yet to come than the health and happiness and
wisdom and safety of all our people? And make no mistake
about it: This nation is the most astonishing and admirable
experiment in pluralistic democracy in history. Because
of our wealth, the fairness of our Bill of Rights and
the openness of our long borders, every conceivable
sort of human being is now an American.
We
are the world.
There
is much in the recent past I would undo, if I could,
especially our overwhelming national debt, whose undoing
will be slow and painful. I will try to find out what
good things, if any, we bought with all that money,
borrowed mostly from foreigners. I will report back
to you, whose children and grandchildren must pay it
back with interest. I will be surprised, as I am sure
most of you will be, too, if I find many purchases our
descendants might thank us for.
With
your encouragement, and with the cooperation of your
elected representatives, I will attempt, after listening
to the best-informed advisers I can find, to give future
generations reasons to think well of us after all. There
you have it, the principal mission of my administration:
to create and bequeath to the future a decent habitat
for all, free of poisons, free of hunger, free of ignorance,
free of hate.
Too
much, too much?
Ah,
but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, Or what's
a heaven for?
Those
are the words of Robert Browning, of course. I can put
it a lot less elegantly, if you like:
Company's
coming! Let's clean up this mess.
Many
of the poisons in the water and the air and the topsoil
are new. One which can sicken our spirit is ancient,
and offly since World War 11 has this country begun
to fight it with any seriousness: the idea that females
and persons of color are second-class citizens. That
poison would love to make a great big comeback, to take
its lethal place alongside nerve gas and radioactive
wastes and PCBs and crack, and DDT and Agent Orange
and the AIDS virus, and on and on.
Not
while I'm President. In the words of Patrick Henry:
If
this be treason, make the most of it.
Am
I proposing a redistribution of wealth? You bet, since
the wealth is being redistributed in any case, and often
most crazily, and against the national interest. Am
I proposing that we tax and tax and spend and spend?
Yes, I am. Virtually every transaction is being skimmed
already, and some private persons have done this at
such confiscatory rates as to become as rich as smaller
sovereign nations in a few years' time. And they spend
and spend. On what? On what?
Ah,
me.
Am
I proposing an enormous public works program? How else
might we describe our military-industrial complex, so
mistrusted by that great Republican, General of the
Armies Dwight David Eisenhower, when he himself became
our President? With your encouragement I want to take
much of the money now going into that public works program,
and invest it instead in the arts of peace, the noblest
of which are public health and education.
Who
says otherwise? And why?
Company's
coming.
I
thank you for your attention.
THE
NATION. Ever concerned with raising the level
of political discourse in this country, we asked novelist
Kurt Vonnegut to compose an acceptance speech for Michael
Dukakis. Of course, writers have contributed to presidential
oratory in the past, but their efforts were lost in
the revision-by-committee process. Here's the real thing,
unfiltered and undiluted.
I
am here to serve the people of the United States of
America -- all of them, in all ways which are lawful.
I
will not now speak of my humbleness. It has been said
with some truth, I suppose, that almost anyone can grow
up to be President. I have to add, ''But surely not
an humble child.'' The Presidency is simultaneously
a pinnacle of power and of vanity, and God help us all.
An
aspect of my vanity, which seems to have found favor
with a majority of those who chose to vote, is my belief
that, with the help of the fourth branch of government
mentioned in our Constitution, ''We the people,'' I
can do a lot to help the United States of America become
the United States of America--at last, at last.
The
echo of Martin Luther King in my words is intentional
when I say ''at last, at last.''
It
will do us no harm today, as it has surely done no harm
to other nations I need not name, to acknowledge a past
soiled with atrocities, including, in our case, slavery
and genocide, and the treatment of women of whatever
race under law as though they were not citizens but
property. Let us celebrate how far we have come from
such bad old days in so short a time, and measure how
far we have yet to go.
What
better measurementmight we use for progress made and
progress yet to come than the health and happiness and
wisdom and safety of all our people? And make no mistake
about it: This nation is the most astonishing and admirable
experiment in pluralistic democracy in history. Because
of our wealth, the fairness of our Bill of Rights and
the openness of our long borders, every conceivable
sort of human being is now an American.
We
are the world.
There
is much in the recent past I would undo, if I could,
especially our overwhelming national debt, whose undoing
will be slow and painful. I will try to find out what
good things, if any, we bought with all that money,
borrowed mostly from foreigners. I will report back
to you, whose children and grandchildren must pay it
back with interest. I will be surprised, as I am sure
most of you will be, too, if I find many purchases our
descendants might thank us for.
With
your encouragement, and with the cooperation of your
elected representatives, I will attempt, after listening
to the best-informed advisers I can find, to give future
generations reasons to think well of us after all. There
you have it, the principal mission of my administration:
to create and bequeath to the future a decent habitat
for all, free of poisons, free of hunger, free of ignorance,
free of hate.
Too
much, too much?
Ah,
but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, Or what's
a heaven for?
Those
are the words of Robert Browning, of course. I can put
it a lot less elegantly, if you like:
Company's
coming! Let's clean up this mess.
Many
of the poisons in the water and the air and the topsoil
are new. One which can sicken our spirit is ancient,
and offly since World War 11 has this country begun
to fight it with any seriousness: the idea that females
and persons of color are second-class citizens. That
poison would love to make a great big comeback, to take
its lethal place alongside nerve gas and radioactive
wastes and PCBs and crack, and DDT and Agent Orange
and the AIDS virus, and on and on.
Not
while I'm President. In the words of Patrick Henry:
If
this be treason, make the most of it.
Am
I proposing a redistribution of wealth? You bet, since
the wealth is being redistributed in any case, and often
most crazily, and against the national interest. Am
I proposing that we tax and tax and spend and spend?
Yes, I am. Virtually every transaction is being skimmed
already, and some private persons have done this at
such confiscatory rates as to become as rich as smaller
sovereign nations in a few years' time. And they spend
and spend. On what? On what?
Ah,
me.
Am
I proposing an enormous public works program? How else
might we describe our military-industrial complex, so
mistrusted by that great Republican, General of the
Armies Dwight David Eisenhower, when he himself became
our President? With your encouragement I want to take
much of the money now going into that public works program,
and invest it instead in the arts of peace, the noblest
of which are public health and education.
Who
says otherwise? And why?
Company's
coming.
I
thank you for your attention.