"Warrington, Freda - A Taste of Blood Wine" - читать интересную книгу автора (Warrington Freda)

"No, not really. Slightly irritated that Maddy only had one hand-maiden, that's all. Maddy's having the time of her life, but a few people were asking where you were. You ought to come in, you know."
"Oh." Charlotte sighed. "But they don't really care if I'm there or not. It's all appearances, that's what I hate about it. What an embarrassment to have a sister who can't behave properly in company."
Anne touched her arm; her hand was warm on her goosepimply skin. "Well, there is something in what you say.
That's why I don't get on with Fleur and Madeleine and their set; they only ever think of themselves. But David and Edward are here, and my mother and father. They want to see you."
That made it worse. Friends en masse became a different entity, an audience of strangers. She swallowed the rest of the champagne and said nothing.
Anne looked at her for a moment. Then she said, "Is it true that you and Henry are getting engaged?"
"I supposed Elizabeth's told everyone."
"Only the family. But is it true? It was quite a shock, I can tell you!"
"Not half as much as it was to me." Charlotte put her head in her hands. "Oh, Anne, I don't know what I'm going to do."
"Just talk to me," Anne said gently. "There's no one else here. Tell me why you're so unhappy."
Her kindness made Charlotte's eyes sting with tears. The champagne had gone to her head, and suddenly the burden inside her seemed to split like a puffball, releasing its cloud of pain. She said, "You don't like Maddy and her crowd, but you don't seem to feel you're a misfit among them."
"Because I couldn't care less what they think of me, that's all."
"But I do care!" Charlotte exclaimed. "I wish I didn't. I'd do anything to be like them, full of life, always knowing the right thing to say. I'd do anything simply to be friends with Maddy and Fleur, just to be accepted."
"They do accept you."
"YesЧfor who they think I am, their shy dull sister. They don't know how I feel inside. They don't know the real me."
"But whose fault is that, Charli? You never let anyone near you."
"Yes, I know it's my fault. Why do you think I feel so awful? But I didn't ask to be Father's favourite. Fleur and Maddy hated me for it, when we were children. They punished me, I suppose."
"In what way?" Anne sounded shocked.
It seemed disloyal to answer honestly, so Charlotte tried to understate the pain of her childhood. "Oh, you know the things children do. They teased me, bullied me, excluded me from their friendship. I couldn't fight back. I thought I must deserve it."
"Didn't David protect you?"
"David didn't know." Charlotte let out a shivering sigh. "No one knew. You're the first person I've ever told, actually. They grew out of it, of course, but they still haven't forgiven me, not really. Not underneath."
"The little beasts. God, I would have banged their silly heads together, if I'd known!"
"It wasn't their fault, that Father loved me best. It hurt them, and I can never put it right. I don't know how. I've always wanted so much to be part of their world; that's why I went to London. But it was terrible. I don't know how to cope with people; their indifference, their cruelty. Even if someone was nice to me, I was so nervous I couldn't think of a thing to say, and I would freeze them out or make some excuse to escape. You could see their eyes clouding over and I couldn't do a thing to stop it. That's why I can't refuse Henry."
"I don't see the connection."
"Who else will ask me? As a married woman, I'll be acceptable and people won't think I'm odd and pester me about finding a husband."
"Oh, Charli," said Anne. "Who cares what anyone else thinks? It's no wonder you're so miserable. You let your family walk all over you, and the more you do it the more they take you for granted. Listen, you have got to tell your aunt you've made a mistake. Be firm."
"I can't, it's too late."
"Rubbish! Why can't you stand up for yourself for once? I could shake you!" She put her arm round Charlotte's shoulders and said more gently. "You can't go on like this, they'll destroy you. They've done a pretty effective job already."
"It's easy for you. You're not a coward. I'm frightened to get married, I'm frightened to say no. What can I do?"
"I wish you'd let me help you. It's like talking to a brick wall." Anne's tone was affectionate. She hugged Charlotte, kissed her cheek; and Charlotte, for the first time in her life, felt a sense of warmth and release. We're friends, we are real friends!

She returned the embrace awkwardly. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Anne."
"That's better. Now, will you come inside? I am going to make sure you enjoy this evening if it's the last thing I do. Look, there's David." Anne pointed across the lawn. "I suppose he's come to look for me now. Who's that he's talking to?"
Charlotte saw her brother on the far side of the fountain, a splendid musketeer in a feathered hat. With him was a tall slim man who looked vaguely familiarЕ
Then she realised, and her heart leapt up to choke her. It had not even occurred to her that Madeleine would have invited Karl to the party. But the moment she saw him a feeling of wrongness drenched everything, as if the world had shaken itself into a darker shape.
He was slightly taller than David, slender and elegant in eighteenth-century costume of black velvet; long legs outlined by close-fitting breeches, an exquisitely tailored coat with white lace at the throat and cuffs. His hair was full and dark, almost black but for reddish highlights. His face was beautiful. Wholly masculine, yet the mere word "handsome" could not be applied to him, any more than it could to a Renaissance angel. His beauty completely took her breath away.
What's happening to me? she thought wildly. A mixture of panic and longing pushed up under her breastbone. She could not define the feelingЧexcept that it felt like recognition. It was as if she'd sensed danger the very first time she'd seen him, and had the sense to flee before he could have this effect on her. Now it was too late. She wanted to run, but she was transfixed.
He had a quality of stillness about him that drew her, like a clear, deep lake. Something out of the ordinary, too enthralling to be human, certainly; fascinating and dangerous. His long white hands looked luminous to her, and as he turned to glance at her it seemed only his eyes were alive in that carved visageЧamber jewels lit by fire.
Yet she was too far away to discern the colour of his eyesЕ
Then Anne said, "Oh, it's Maddy's new boyfriend, isn't it?"
The words hit Charlotte like gloved fists. They spoke of possession. Madeleine possesses him as Henry now possesses meЕ
The spell was broken. The stranger was walking away and David was on his way towards them, sweeping his feathered hat from his head in an extravagant greeting. He was blonder than Charlotte, with a friendly, open face lent character by a once-broken nose that had set crookedly. She was glad to see him. Somehow he made the world safe again.
"Come on, let's brave the party." Anne slid a hand through her arm. "David and I will look after you. You know, not everyone's like Elizabeth; there are lots of people who think very kindly of you, if you'd give them a chance to be friends."
***
Safe between David and Anne, Charlotte found the party bearable.
The marquee was huge; no expense had been spared for Madeleine. A dance band was playing jauntily amid a jungle of potted palms. Despite the efforts of the servants to keep the chaos under control the party was looking the worse for wear, the tables in disarray, their crisp white cloths piled with plates and glasses. The scent of crushed grass and stale wine rose up ripely through the heat of dancing bodies, and the canvas roof was wreathed in smoke. Romans danced with harlequins, medieval ladies with gypsies and giant bears.
The three of them went to sit at a table with Anne's parents, Dr and Mrs Saunders, and David's friend Edward Lees. They made a colourful group, all dressed as characters from The Three Musketeers; David was d'Artagnan, Anne the Queen of France, Dr Saunders a scarlet-robed Cardinal Richelieu, and Mrs Saunders, Milady. The awkward time of introductions was long over; Madeleine, Elizabeth and Fleur were too involved in their respective groups of friends to take any notice of Charlotte. Her self-consciousness began to slide away. She had known the Saunderses since childhood, while Edward, although she knew him only slightly, was an unassuming young man who didn't make her feel uncomfortable.
EdwardЧa rather diffident AthosЧwas as withdrawn as Charlotte in his way. He was gentle-natured, very polite, but she could sense an underlying moodiness. David had told her that he had been prone to depression since the War. They never said much about what they had undergone in the trenches together, but she knew from their reticence on the subject that it had been terrible. Her imagination had often painted frightening pictures. She felt an unspoken empathy with Edward.
Protected in her little circle, not required to make conversation, Charlotte drank far more champagne than she should and watched the party drift around her in a pleasant haze. Edward apologised for being unable to ask her to dance, as he could not walk without his stick; Charlotte smiled and said she preferred just to watch, anyway.
She relaxed for a time, wondering why it had all seemed so difficultЕ until Anne nudged her, and said, "The Prof's heading this way, with that look in his eye."