"Tad Williams - The War of the Flowers" - читать интересную книгу автора (Williams Tad)

world exploded he could only stare. "You meanтАж you want us toтАж to separate?"
Her mouth was firm, almost pinched shut, but her eyes were suddenly wet. "Yes. No. More than that. I
thinkтАж it's time we went our own ways."
"Own ways? What kind of bullshit is that?"
She blinked, the sad resolve suddenly agitated by anger. "It's not bullshit, Theo. We lost the baby and it
opened up my eyes. I can see now that the baby was the only reason I was staying with you тАФ to give
our child a fighting chance to have two parents who were together. But it wouldn't have fixed things
between us. I can't believe how stupid I was тАФ like I was under some kind of spell, believing that
somehow we would have this rosy little family life. But in real life you would have been just the same,
doing just enough to get by, a smile, a joke, oh yeah, lots of cute stuff but nothing real. Eventually we
would have broken up, and then you'd have been a weekend dad, doing the bare minimum, no plan, no
organization, no commitment, take the kid out and buy her an ice cream cone, drop her back off with me
afterward."
He could only shake his head at this torrent of fury, judged guilty of neglecting a child who didn't even
exist.
Don't pretend it would be different. The anger had finally brought color back to her bloodless face,
coarse little patches of red like sunburn. It's always the same with you. You're a grown man, Theo, but
you act like a teenager. 'Where are you going?' 'Out.' 'When are you coming back?' 'I don't know.' I can't
believe I was going to have a kid with you."
"Is this all about me coming back late that nightтАж ?"
No, Theo. But it's all about a hundred, a thousand other things like that. The shit you start and never
finish. Your going-nowhere job. Coming home late smelling like theтАж the Fillmore West or something,
hanging around with your teenage musician friends. You've probably got little teenage groupies, too.
'Wow, Theo, do you really, like, remember the Eighties?'"
"That's bullshit." His fists were clenched. "Bullshit."
"Maybe. Maybe I'm being unfair, Theo. I'm sorry тАФ I've just lost a baby, remember? But I've hit the end
of the road and that isn't bullshit."
"Look, I know that women and motherhood is like this sacred thing, but you're not the only goddamned
person who lost a baby here, Cat! I was going to be a father."
She stared at him for a moment without speaking. "When I first met you, Theo," she finally said, "I
thought you were the most amazing man I'd ever known. Beautiful тАФ you really were beautiful, even
my friends agreed on that. And you had that voice, and thatтАж charm. Like you were someone out of a
movie, with perfect lighting and choreography and good writers. You charmed me, all right, but I don't
see it any more. Either it's fading or I just woke up."


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Anger made him feel like his skin was tight, like he was the Incredible Hulk or something, growing
muscles. But he was standing over a woman who'd just gone through a miscarriage, a woman in a
hospital bed. He opened his fists, made himself take a deep breath. "So not only are you breaking up
with me, you're telling me I'm shit, too? Just, what, as a going-away present? A parting gift for the
losing player? You thought you should just let me know I'm a big fake and I'm not worth anything?"
"No, Theo. But I am saying that something about you has changed, and what's left isn't enough, at least
for me. I don't want to spend the rest of my life hoping that things will get better, that you'll stop being a
good-looking, footloose guy with potential and start being a real man. Okay, you sang 'The Way You
Look Tonight' to me on our first date and I fell for you, but it's not enough to last a lifetime. I don't know
why I couldn't see that until the miscarriage, but I sure see it now. I'd rather be single. I'd rather have a
baby by myself, if I can even get pregnant again. So why don't you take the time while I'm at my parents'