"Roger Zelazny - Amber Chronicles, The 06 - Trumps of Doom" - читать интересную книгу автора (Zelazny Roger)

"So you were into this, too. I thought-"
"I'm not into anything," he snapped. "I tried everything at some time
or other, I mean. Everybody goes through phases. I wanted to develop,
expand; advance. Who doesn't? But I never found it." He unbent and took
another gulp of wine. "Sometimes I felt that I was close, that there was
some power, some vision that I could almost touch or see. Almost. Then it
was gone. It's all a lot of crap. You just delude yourself. Sometimes I even
thought I had it. Then a few days would go by and I realized that I was
lying to myself again."
"All of this was before you met Julia?" He nodded.
"Right. That might be what held us together for a while. I still like
to talk about all this bullshit, even if I don't believe it anymore. Then
she got too serious about it, and I didn't feel like going that route
again."
"I see."
He drained his glass and refilled it.
"There's nothing to any of it," he said. "'There are an infinite number
of ways of lying to yourself, of rationalizing things into something they
are not. I guess that I wanted magic, and there is no real magic in the
world."
"That why you threw the Bible at me?" He snorted.
"It could as easily have been the Koran or the Vedas, I suppose. It
would have been neat to see you vanish in a flash of fire. But no go."
I smiled.
"How can I find Melman?"
"I've got it here somewhere," he said, lowering his eyes and opening a
drawer. "Here."
He withdrew a small notebook and flipped through it. He copied out an
address on an index card and handed it to me. He took another drink of wine.
"It's his studio, but he lives there, too," he added. I nodded and set
down my glass.
"I appreciate everything you told me."
He raised the bottle.
"Have another drink?"
"No, thanks."
He shrugged and topped off his own.
I rose.
"You know, it's really sad," he said.
"What?"
"That there's no magic, that there never was, there probably never will
be."
"That's the breaks," I said.
"The world would be a lot more interesting place."
"Yeah."
I turned to go.
"Do me a favor," he said.
"What?"
"On the way out, set that sign for three o'clock and let the bolt in
the door snap shut again."