"Heartstone" - читать интересную книгу автора (Margolin Phillip)

7

“Look, Ted, the Communists have got to be stopped. I would rather do it in Vietnam than Disneyland.”

“Jesus, I don’t believe this,” Ted Wolberg said. “Who writes your scripts, the John Birch Society?”

Ted and Bobby Coolidge were passing the time at George Rasmussen’s apartment. As usual, Ted and George were arguing about the war. Bobby was paying little attention to what was being said, because he had heard it all before. It seemed that all anyone ever talked about anymore was Vietnam.

“What do you think, Bobby?” Ted asked.

Bobby looked at Ted. He did not like to get drawn into academic discussions, because he did not feel secure enough yet to venture into the intellectual arena. He never spoke in class. With his friends, he was a listener. The trouble was, with Vietnam the topic, he was considered the resident expert. He was always being put on the spot and he was expected to be knowledgeable in every area connected with the war. In fact, he knew less about Vietnam and its history and politics than George, who had spent his army time in Washington, D. C., or Ted, whose hobby was Far Eastern studies and who was a political science major.

“I think you’re both right, in a way,” he answered cautiously. “I don’t think we should be over there…”)

“See,” Ted interrupted. “That’s just what the two P.O.W.s who were just released said.”

“…but I don’t agree when you say that the country is like Nazi Germany. I mean, there aren’t any secret police coming to take you away for your clearly subversive statements, are there?”

“You are being fooled by the repressive tolerance practiced by the military-industrial complex that runs this country. Marcuse says…”

“Who?” George asked.

Ted was about to answer when the doorbell rang. George answered it and returned to the living room with Sarah. She had a letter in her hand. When he saw it, Bobby’s heart started to pound and his lips felt suddenly dry. The envelope looked like the type the school used to send out grades. It was intersession and Bobby had been expecting his final first semester marks all week.

He expected the worst and he realized that he did not want his friends finding out, if his grades were poor.

“Uh, George, can I talk to Sarah in your bedroom?”

“Sure, just clean up before you leave.”

“You’re a pig, George,” Sarah said, following Bobby down the corridor to George’s bedroom.

“Well?” Bobby asked nervously, when the door was closed. She looked at him without expression for a moment and his heart sank. Then she burst into laughter and flung her arms around his neck.

“You made Dean’s List, you dummy. I’m so proud.”

He tried to untangle himself from her. What she had said had not sunk in.

“What?” he asked, when he had peeled her off and was holding her at arm’s length.

“Dean’s List,” she shouted. “Three As, a B-plus, and a C-plus in math.”

“You’re shitting me?”

“If you could see how you look, you idiot.”

“Dean’s List. Oh, wow! Hey, that’s not possible.”

He walked back and forth, looking at the grade sheet. It was there in black and white.

“Look, you get real pretty tonight. I am going to take you out on the town.”

“You don’t have to do that, Bobby,” she said, knowing how tight his cash was.

“To hell with that. You don’t know what this means to me, Sarah. All my life I always thought that I was stupid. That I would never amount to anything. You don’t know how scared I’ve been in school. I almost quit a dozen times.”

She did not say anything, but she knew. She had heard him moaning in the night, seen him sweating over his books, cheered him up when he was too disheartened to go on.

“You know, this is the turning point in my life, Sarah. I won’t go back, ever again.”

TAPE # 8

DR. ARTHUR HOLLANDER: I’m glad to see you looking so well, Esther.

ESTHER PEGALOSI: I’ve been feeling so good these last few weeks.

Q: Why do you think that is?

A: I…You know, I think it’s the…these meetings and doing the trance at home. I’ve been really trying and practicing and everything seems so much better.

Q: In what ways?

A: Well, my baby, you know, I used to, well, not hate him, but I felt he tied me down. Sometimes I thought that he was a punishment.

Q: A punishment for what?

A: I don’t know. For losing John, my husband, maybe. I know that doesn’t make sense, but I felt that if I hadn’t had the baby, John would have stayed with me.

Q: You felt that your husband left because of the baby?

A: Well, I know that’s wrong now. I mean he would have split eventually anyway. But, I thought…I blamed it on the baby, if you see what I mean.

Q: But you don’t now?

A: No, I…Well, how could I? I mean, he’s just a baby. But before I started seeing you and thinking about myself, and what kind of person I am, I never realized about John and the baby.

Q: So you feel differently about your son now?

A: Yes. I…I love him. I mean, I don’t think I did before. But now, I sit and watch him. I hug and kiss him more. And he’s gotten so much quieter. Less demanding.

Q: Do you think that’s because he can sense your change of attitude?

A: Well, I don’t know. I’m not a doctor. He might.

Q: And you say there are other changes?

A: Well, you know we always talk about becoming the kind of person I want to be. Well, I feel like that is happening.

Q: How can you tell?

A: I’m more quieter now, less scared. When I feel nervous, I relax and think of my wrist and I quiet down, then I think about what is scaring me and I can usually figure it out-how to do it.

Q: Well, I am pleased to hear this and I am pleased that I…that you feel that I have been of some help to you.

A: Well, I am very grateful and I wanted to tell you.

Q: Thank you.

A: And, Doctor, I have been thinking all this week and I have decided that I am going to really try this time to remember, because I know there is something there and I am going to try not to fight it.

Q: Good! I am glad to hear you talk like this. To see you change from a frightened girl into a strong, confident young woman. And I am going to help you along, because today we are going to try something new to help you, if you agree.

A: What’s that?

Q: I am going to inject you with sodium amytal. Remember how we talked about the guards your subconscious mind erects whenever we get close to the crucial times?

A: Uh-huh.

Q: Well, sodium amytal will put you into a half-sleeping state and reduce your conscious awareness. You will feel sort of drunk and this will make it more difficult for those guards to protect you from your own memories, just like you do things more slowly when you are drunk. Do you understand?

A: I think so.

Q: Do I have your permission to try the drug?

A: Yes, if you think it will help.

Q: Okay. Then we will induce hypnosis as we always have and I will fortify that with the amytal and then we will picture the movie screen again.

A: You know, at home, I try the screen. I picture it and I see so many crazy things. You know that’s really bothering me. I don’t want to make a mountain out of a molehill by imagining something that didn’t happen.

Q: Well, we won’t let that happen. The reason we use the screen is so you don’t have to be involved. It takes you out of it. You’re watching it, like you are watching a movie, and while you are involved a little bit, it isn’t…you feel sorry for the heroine that the hero doesn’t kiss her or anything, but it isn’t quite the same. You can report what is happening, but you don’t get a personal reaction like you would if you were thinking about something that happened in the past to you. You don’t feel as threatened.

A: I can see that. I was just afraid of making things up, since it is like a movie.

Q: Well, you aren’t, are you?

A: Oh, no!

Q: Okay, then. Now, let’s get started. I think I will let you lie down on the couch this time, so make yourself comfortable.

A: Could I have a pillow for my head?

Q: Certainly. Get yourself in the most comfortable position you can. Now after you are in the trance and I give you the amytal, I will ask you to count backward. And when we get to a certain point I will know it has taken effect.

A: Will I be asleep?

Q: You will feel a little drunk and sleepy, but I don’t expect that you will feel anymore asleep than you were before. You might not remember as much afterward.

Now take a real deep breath and relax. Do that two or three times. Just let yourself relax and when you are ready, why, you can hold your hand up in front of your eyes.

(PAUSE)

Okay. In a second you will feel a little punchy. We will be injecting the medication and you will feel even more drowsy than you feel at the present time. As I inject the medication, I want you to start counting backward from 100. Now. 100.

A: 100.

Q: 99. That’s it…That’s just fine. And as you continue drifting deeper, go ahead counting.

A: 80, 79, 78, 77, 76, 75, 74, 73, 72, 71.

Q: That’s good, and you can relax now and you can begin to remember important things. The events of that November evening in 1960 are becoming very clear. And as you begin to recall these events, feeling comfortable and very sure of yourself and relaxed, you find it easy to mention them, knowing that you can forget, you can remember or you can misremember as your personality needs require.

That’s it. Let’s talk about that evening as best you recall each episode. Pleasant feeling, isn’t it? Just review that evening in your mind.

A: Have I finished counting my numbers?

Q: Yes. You can tell me what is in your mind.

A: I don’t really have anything in my mind.

Q: Can you recall that evening? Anything about it, like being at Bob’s Hamburgers?

A: Uh-huh.

Q: And you decided to go to Alice Fay’s party.

A: I didn’t, uh-uh.

Q: Huh?

A: I didn’t.

Q: You didn’t? Well, what did you do?

A: I had a shake. Billy decided to crash.

Q: I see. And then what?

A: I don’t know.

Q: Didn’t you go to the party?

A: Yes.

Q: This was at Alice Fay’s, right?

A: Uh-huh.

Q: There was a fight at the party, wasn’t there?

A: Yes.

Q: Who fought?

A: Billy and Bobby and Tommy Cooper and some boys I didn’t know.

Q: And Billy pulled a knife?

A: Yes.

Q: You remember that?

A: Yes.

Q: You can see that clearly on the screen?

A: I can see it.

Q: How is Billy when he leaves the party?

A: Angry.

Q: At Tommy Cooper?

A: At rich kids.

Q: Why rich kids?

A: He yelled at me.

Q: Who? Billy?

A: Uh-huh. It scared me.

Q: What did he say?

A: It was how he hated rich kids and they didn’t have to work like him.

Q: He said that after you left the party?

A: Uh-huh.

Q: Good. You are really starting to remember. I am very proud of you. Now, where did you go from the party?

A: Uh, to the store.

Q: Where?

A: It’s open at night. Billy swiped some wine.

Q: How much?

A: A couple of bottles. And there was some in the car already.

Q: What kind of wine?

A: Cheap stuff. It made me sick later. It was so sweet.

Q: Where did you drink the wine?

A: On some side street, I think. Maybe it was near a park or a schoolyard.

Q: A park or a schoolyard?

A: Well, there weren’t houses around, you know. That’s why we went there, so no one would see us.

Q: Where do you go after you drink the wine?

A: It’s fuzzy. Home?

Q: Do you…? Look at the screen, Esther. Do you see a drag race where someone forced your car to spin around?

A: Gee, there were a lot of drag races.

Q: In this one, you were riding with Billy and Bobby and somebody came along and caused your car to spin around. You are on Monroe Boulevard.

A: Uh-huh.

Q: Do you recall that?

A: Billy got mad.

Q: Why did Billy get mad?

A: Huh?

Q: Why is Billy mad?

A: I don’t know.

Q: What does Billy do now that he is mad?

A: He followed the car.

Q: This is Richie’s car?

A: I didn’t say that.

Q: Do you remember?

A: No.

Q: But you know what Richie’s car looks like? You can see it on the screen?

A: Yes.

Q: Could the car that forced you off of the road have been Richie’s?

A: I’m not sure.

Q: Is it possible?

A: It’s possible.

Q: Okay, so Billy followed the car. Where does he go?

A: I guess I went home.

Q: You think you went home?

A: Uh-huh.

Q: In Billy’s car?

A: I don’t remember.

Q: All right. You think a little deeper. You will remember. You are there. You were there. You can remember. You are in Billy’s car. You are on Monroe. You start driving. Do you go into the park?

A: Maybe.

Q: Okay. And you are driving up a hill. Do you go past a place with a fireplace and picnic benches?

A: Uh-huh.

Q: Did the other car go past there?

A: I don’t know.

Q: But you were following them?

A: Uh-huh.

Q: Who else is with you in the car?

A: Bobby.

Q: Anyone else?

A: Maybe Roger.

Q: Roger Hessey?

A: Uh-huh.

Q: Didn’t you tell us he left shortly after you arrived at Alice Fay’s?

A: I guess so.

Q: So he couldn’t have been in the car. Look on the screen. Let your mind review that evening. Picture inside Billy’s car. Do you see it?

A: Yes.

Q: Okay. Is Roger there-in the park?

A: No.

Q: Okay. Now, you and Billy and Bobby are in Billy’s car and you are following the other car and you go past the place in the park with the fireplace and the picnic benches. Now what happens? Tell me what happens, Esther. You are past the place with the fireplace. Tell me what happens. Billy is mad. You are following that car. It is at night. What happens?

A: I saw it.

Q: You saw it?

A: I saw the car.

Q: Okay. What happens after you see it?

A: Didn’t I tell you something?

Q: Yes, you have. You have been telling me.

A: I am waking up.

Q: Yes, I know you are.

A: I thought I was sleeping.

Q: You were sleeping a bit. Now you told me you were following the car and you went past this place in Lookout Park with a fireplace and benches and you saw the car.

A: Did I say that?

Q: Yes, you did, Esther. This car ran you off the road and Billy got mad. He was mad before, after the fight.

A: Did I say that?

Q: Yes, Esther. I can play the tape back if you wish.

A: I think I need some more of that stuff.

Q: You think you need more sodium amytal?

A: Yeah. Didn’t I tell you something when I had it?

Q: Yes. You told me a lot of interesting things. But we didn’t get far enough.

A: Okay. Well, give me some more.

Q: That’s it. It is pleasant. Now you can just go ahead. We can protect you here. Nothing can happen to you, if you tell what happened. The truth.

A: Tell me what I said.

Q: You said that this car forced you off the road and Billy chased it into the park. Then you saw the car after a place with a fireplace and benches in the park.

A: Gee, I said that? Doctor, I know I am drowsy, but could you give me some more?

Q: I just did.

A: Oh. I’m sorry. I don’t remember what I was talking about.

Q: You were with Billy and Bobby in the car.

A: I’m supposed to say Billy?

Q: You are supposed to say Billy.

A: Uh-huh.

Q: Well, you are supposed to say what actually happens.

A: Right.

Q: Were Billy and Bobby there?

A: Uh-huh. I’m telling you the truth.

Q: Billy and Bobby were with you?

A: (Coughing)

Q: Why don’t you go ahead and clear your throat.

A: Could I have some water?

Q: Here. Does my holding the microphone bother you?

A: No.

Q: You weren’t telling us a story, were you, when you told us that Bobby and Billy were with you?

A: Uh-uh. Is that a lie detector?

Q: What?

A: A lie detector?

Q: No, it’s not a lie detector.

A: When you asked who was in the car and I said Billy and Bobby, were you checking me with a lie detector?

Q: No. This is a microphone with a tape recorder.

A: Roger wasn’t with us. I only said he was because I wasn’t sure at first.

Q: Okay. Esther, who was driving? When you were in the park, was it Billy or Bobby?

A: Uh.

Q: Can you see who is driving?

A: I am trying to think of what you’ve told me.

Q: I am interested in what you can remember, Esther. Remember, now, you want to remember this so you can get it off your mind.

A: Uh-huh. I am really trying. I just don’t want to sound like a liar.

Q: Are you saying that you think you told me something before and you aren’t sure it is the truth?

A: No, it’s just that you said I told you something, but I can’t remember it and I don’t want you to think I am lying.

Q: Let me worry about that and you worry about what you can remember. Is that all right?

A: I am trying to remember.

Q: Okay, can you remember telling us that you went to a grocery store after the party?

A: Uh-huh.

Q: Okay. Now tell me where you went from the grocery store again.

A: We drank the wine.

Q: Right. Now, where did you go from there?

A: I can’t remember.

Q: You were able to tell me before. Can’t you remember what you said before?

A: I remember we went home.

Q: Do you recall telling me about Monroe Boulevard and Lookout Park?

A: Uh-uh. I probably lied.

Q: You probably lied to me?

A: Could I have lied about what I said?

Q: I doubt it.

A: We went to the grocery and drank the wine, but I can’t remember anything except we went home.

Q: Are you pretty much awake now?

A: I think so.

Q: Can you say “Around the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran”?

A: Around the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran.

Q: I guess you are awake. You shouldn’t be able to say that. I think we’ll stop for the day.

Eddie Toller checked the address, then began climbing a flight of rickety wooden stairs that ran along the outside of a weatherbeaten wood-frame two-family dwelling. When he reached the porch on the second floor, he knocked on the screen door. The conversation inside stopped at the sound of his rapping. He heard footsteps and the door opened a crack, releasing the pungent odor of marijuana into the night air.

“Is Gary in?” Eddie asked the young girl who stared through the crack. The girl looked him over. His age had aroused her suspicions.

“I’m Eddie Toller. He’s expecting me.”

The girl said, “Oh, yeah,” and admitted him. The hallway was lit by candles, but Eddie could see that it was the girl’s clothes that were young and he revised his age estimate up ten years. She introduced herself as Laura Kinnick, Gary’s girlfriend, and led him through a veil of beads into a living room decorated in Early American Guru. Gary, who was seated on a large pillow covered with an Indian fabric, rose from his lotus position and introduced Eddie to the other couples in the room. Both of the men had long hair and Eddie disliked them immediately. They looked dirty and he bet they would smell, if he could smell them over the scent of the dope.

“How you doin’, man?” Gary asked later, when they were off together in the kitchen. Eddie had passed on the joint, raising eyebrows among Gary’s friends, and had asked for a beer. He had followed Gary into the kitchen while he broke open a six-pack.

“Not so good, Gary. That’s why I wanted to see you tonight.”

“What happened?”

“Ah, it’s those sons of bitches at Parole. They busted Carl, the guy who owns the Satin Slipper. He was selling dope outta the place. I was arrested too, but I had nothing to do with it, so they dropped the charges, only someone told my P.O. and he said I had to quit. He said he didn’t want me working at a place like that. I told him I was legit and that I wouldn’t be able to get another job this good with my record, but he wouldn’t listen. So now I ain’t got a job.”

“Those fuckers,” Gary said sympathetically, shaking his head.

“Yeah, well, what’s done is done. Only I gotta figure a way to make some bread. Joyce is still working, but I ain’t gonna live off her.”

“I’d lend you some dough, if I could, Eddie, but I’m short myself.”

“Hey, I ain’t lookin’ for no handout, Gary. I want to know more about the job you got planned.”

“You want in?”

“If it’s good. I want to hear about it first. I’m too old to go back to the joint. With my record, my next fall is gonna be long, hard time. So don’t jack me around.”

“I won’t, Eddie. This is a sure thing and there’s plenty of dough in it. I got it all worked out and I’m rushin’ into nothin’.”

“Okay. Lay it out for me.”

“Laura works in the Cameron Street Medical Building. I drive her to work in the morning and I pick her up, so I been inside it a lot. I’ve been checkin’ the offices and stores in the building. Laura has a master key that fits the outside door of her office and the pharmacy on the ground floor. That’s what we’re gonna hit.”

“What’s there?”

“Drugs, Eddie.”

“I know that, but I don’t use drugs no more and I don’t have the connections to push.”

“I got the connection and we don’t have to push, either. This guy will pay top dollar on delivery.”

“Who is this guy?”

“Someone I met in the joint. He’s big, Eddie. He knows all the right people.”

“How do you know this guy ain’t feeding you a line?”

“Because I dealt with him before.”

Eddie jerked his head toward the living room.

“What about her?”

“Laura? She don’t know nothin’. I took her keys one weekend and had duplicates made. She don’t even suspect I got them.”

“I don’t know.”

“Hey, what’s to know? It’s a cinch. We got the keys to the castle. They’ll never know what happened.”

“I want to think it over and I want to see the layout myself.”

“Sure, Eddie. I ain’t rushin’ you. What say we go over the place on Tuesday?”

“Okay. Tuesday. But I have to be sure. You see my position, at my age. I can’t afford to foul up again.”

“I’m very proud of you,” Roy whispered in Esther’s ear. She purred and kissed him. She was so content. She only wished that she could help him by remembering everything he wanted her to remember.

It was four-thirty. They would have to get dressed soon and go see Dr. Hollander. She wished she could tell the doctor the secret she shared with Roy, but Roy said that she mustn’t tell anyone.

She wished Roy would stay with her more, too. He told her that it was only safe before and after the sessions. He said how it would be misconstrued if anyone found out about them later, when there was a trial. She knew he was right, but the few hours they had together weren’t enough when you spent every waking minute thinking about someone.

Roy walked into the bathroom to shower. The sitter would arrive soon and she had to tidy up. She felt very good today. Very positive. She was sure that she would remember today. She had to. For Roy. He had told her that the barriers were almost down. She could sense that too. She had been experiencing strange dreams recently.

But what if she was only imagining? She felt suddenly depressed. She had liked Bobby a lot once. She didn’t want to hurt him. If it wasn’t true, but she said it was…She didn’t want to think about it. It was true. Roy had said it was. She shut the bad thoughts out of her mind.

TAPE # 10

ESTHER PEGALOSI: I remember a car race.

ROY SHINDLER: Okay. Was there anything special about the car you had the race with?

A: They made us spin around.

DR. HOLLANDER: Very good! You see, your memory is coming back bit by bit. Can you describe the other car?

A: No. Just that it was bright.

Q: Bright?

A: There was fire on it.

Q: It was on fire?

A: I…I know what the car is supposed to look like, but I don’t want to be biased.

Q: I don’t want you to be biased. I want you to tell me what you remember. Do you remember telling us that today you would tell us the truth?

A: Uh-huh.

Q: Good. Now why do you say there was fire on the car? Was there a decal there? Do you mean the flames were painted on?

A: I know what’s supposed to be there and I know how it looks and it’s awfully hard not to put it there in my head.

Q: I don’t want you to do that.

A: I really can’t remember. It seemed like fire. I don’t like going that fast. I probably didn’t look, ’cause I would be scared.

Q: Okay, after the drag race, then what?

A: They got mad.

Q: Who got mad?

A: Billy. He wanted to catch them. He knew the girl.

Q: Billy knew the girl?

A: Oh…

Q: Would you speak up? I can’t hear you.

A: It did happen on the same night.

Q: What happened?

A: I don’t feel so good.

Q: You were doing fine. Who was the girl, Esther?

(Sobbing)

Q: Relax now. Take my handkerchief. You’re doing fine. Are you okay? Have some water. Okay. Take a deep breath. Now, tell me. Tell Roy. Who was the girl?

A: Can I whisper?

Q: No, Esther. Today is truth day. Today you must be the strong, confident woman that Roy and I know you’ve become. Do you want to tell us?

A: (Sobbing) Could I…?

Q: No, Esther. Just answer my question if you want to help me. Who was the girl?

A: Elaine Murray. Billy saw her and he said it.

Q: Okay. It’s all right. Then, Billy got mad?

A: Yes.

Q: What did he do?

A: They were cussing and they couldn’t see the car for a while.

Q: Did they chase after it?

A: Uh-huh. But they couldn’t find it.

Q: Where did they go?

A: Into Lookout Park.

Q: You went into the park?

A: It seems like it. It couldn’t be my imagination.

Q: No. You’re doing fine. Your memory is working better than it ever has. What happened next?

A: We…I saw the car.

Q: The car you were dragging with?

A: Are you sure that I’m not just remembering this because I want to get it over with and I’m not really remembering it?

Q: I think you are remembering it because you have come to the point where you can. I know you want to get it over with.

A: Is it all right if I smoke?

Q: No. In a few minutes I will let you smoke. Now, you saw the car, and then what?

A: I’ll tell you if I can remember. But I’m kind of blank.

Q: You’re doing fine. Let’s see how good your memory is.

A: It’s so hard because I know what they did. I know what I’m supposed to say and I want to make sure that I remember and I’m not just saying it…Something that I know.

Q: What you are supposed to say may not be true. I want you to remember what you remember.

A: Okay. We are driving in the park. You see, there are curves out there. Real sharp and woods all around. And Billy was mad, so we were going real fast and dust was just flying. I don’t know where we went. We drove for a long time. Then we went back and forth over the same area and we passed a place with a fireplace and some benches and then there was a small road off of that and when we went by the road I saw something.

Q: What did you see?

A: I don’t remember…I don’t like to remember, really.

Q: I know you don’t like to remember.

A: I really can’t…

Q: Did anything happen in the park?

A: Uh-huh.

Q: What was it…? You are shaking your head. What happened?

A: I didn’t see it.

Q: What didn’t you see?

A: I ran.

Q: What did you run from?

A: I…

Q: It’s okay. Here’s a tissue. We will protect you. You’re safe here.

A: I…

Q: Take a deep breath. Everything is fine.

A: (Crying)

Q: What made you run?

A: The murder.

Q: I couldn’t hear you.

A: The murderer.

Q: You saw the murder?

A: They were yelling.

Q: Who?

A: Everyone. They were going to beat him up.

Q: Beat who?

A: The boy from the other car.

Q: Why didn’t he drive away?

A: Because he had been insulted.

Q: He had been insulted?

A: His girlfriend had.

Q: What did they say?

A: Billy said nasty things.

Q: What did Billy say? Did he say prostitute? Do you recall?

A: And the boy said to shut up.

Q: The boy told Billy to shut up?

A: I can’t tell you whether it’s really what’s in my head.

Q: You keep on because your memory is telling you fine. We are very proud of you. You are a fine, strong woman.

A: So they started fighting.

Q: How did it start? The fight?

A: Billy said something and he said that is no way to talk about a lady. To insult her. And he was going to make him take it back and Billy socked him.

Q: Billy socked him?

A: And they were hitting him and they went and got the girl.

Q: Where was the girl?

A: In the car.

Q: What did you do?

A: I don’t feel well. Can we stop now?

Q: No, Esther. We will stop in a little bit.

A: I don’t remember.

Q: You do remember. We are so proud of you, Esther.

A: He had no face.

Q: Who?

A: Richie.

Q: Richie had no…? Take it easy. Do you want a handkerchief?

(Sobbing)

A: I ran. (Crying)

Q: Did you run when you saw Richie’s face? You are shaking your head yes. Where was the girl?

A: They were dragging her into the grass. That’s all I know. I ran away.

Q: Did you fall while you were running?

A: Uh-huh.

Q: While you were running, did you drop anything or lose anything?

A: My purse. My glasses fell out.

Q: After you fell and got up, where did you run?

A: Down to the road.

Q: Did you…were you confronted by dogs?

A: I got in the yard and they chased…chased me. I didn’t see them at first, then they jumped at me.

Q: How did you get away?

A: They were tied. On a leash.

Q: Okay, so you got away from the dogs. Then where did you go?

A: Onto the road. I started to walk home.

Q: How did you get home?

A: I am too wide awake with this stuff now. I can’t remember what I’m supposed to say.

Q: I don’t want what you are supposed to say. I want what you remember.

A: ’Cause I know what I’m supposed to say and, well, I am telling you the truth. I am not making it up.

Q: I know, Esther. Shut your eyes for a minute. Just relax. In a minute I will give you some more medicine.

DR. HOLLANDER: How did you get home?

A: Bobby and Billy and…They stopped the car.

Q: They got you in a car?

A: I was walking on the street and they stopped. They came up behind me and said to get in.

Q: Who was driving?

A: Bobby, I think.

Q: Where was Billy?

A: In the back, holding a girl.

Q: Elaine?

A: Yes.

Q: Was she all right?

A: She wasn’t dead. She was all right.

Q: How did you know?

A: She was sitting up and looking at me, but he was holding her.

Q: How did he hold her?

A: By her arms and around her shoulders. She looked asleep almost.

Q: Dazed?

A: Yes.

Q: Where did they go with her?

A: I don’t know. They took me home. They dumped me off in the middle of the street and drove away.

Q: They didn’t say anything to you?

A: No. Maybe that’s why I didn’t remember it the next day when I saw it in the papers.

Q: What do you mean?

A: I saw about Richie being killed, but I never saw the boy close, so I decided it couldn’t have been and I forgot about it. I was pretty drunk, too.

Q: Why are you crying?

A: I am tired.

Q: Do you think that what we talked about was all you can remember?

A: I don’t know.

Q: But you remember seeing the boy murdered?

A: No, I didn’t see that.

Q: Didn’t you say that you saw the fight?

A: No, no, I didn’t know there was a murder, until later. I didn’t know what happened. I thought they beat him up like they usually did.

Q: Didn’t you say you saw Richie’s face?

A: I saw it later.

Q: Did they ever talk to you, Bobby and Billy, after that? Threaten you?

A: Well, you know, you hung together. You didn’t tell. And then, I didn’t want to go to a home. You know, there was that robbery thing at the miniature golf and if I got in trouble again the judge said he would have to send me to a home.

Q: After that night did you ever see Elaine Murray again?

A: No. I hardly saw Billy or Bobby, either.

Q: Not even in school?

A: They had a car accident in…right after New Years and they was in the hospital. Then I stopped hanging around with the Cobras and stayed home more. They almost didn’t graduate, I remember. But I guess the school just wanted to get rid of them.

ROY SHINDLER: When did you run away?

A: From the hill?

Q: Yes.

A: I think when they were kicking the boy and then they ran after the girl. It’s confused in my mind, because it was so fast.

DR. HOLLANDER: You are remembering very well today.

A: But I didn’t remember before. Honest I didn’t.

Q: I am sure you didn’t.

A: Why? (Crying)

Q: Why couldn’t you remember?

A: Did I do something wrong? I didn’t know she was going to get in trouble.

Q: I am sure you didn’t.

A: I knew there was a fight, but I didn’t think it was possible there would be a murder and…and the other thing.

Q: What would you have done if you had known that they were going to rape and murder her?

A: I would have stopped them.

Q: How?

A: Any way. They wouldn’t have done nothing…(Crying).

Q: Go ahead and cry.

A: I don’t think…I don’t think they intended to. I don’t think they did it.

Q: You can’t picture them doing it? Not Bobby?

A: He was a tough little shit, but…

Q: Not Billy?

(PAUSE)

A: Maybe. I don’t know. Billy loved to fight. Maybe he went too far without realizing it. I remember him beating people more than once.

Q: What was the last thing you remember seeing on the hill?

A: I think they were holding the boy by the car. Like they were frisking him.

Q: Like they were frisking him?

A: I think they were going to rob him. Maybe they figured this boy would be wealthy if he dated this girl.

Q: Did they talk about the girl being wealthy?

A: I don’t think so. I’m just guessing now.

Q: Okay. Well, we don’t want you to guess. Just say what you know. Now, who got out of the car first on the hill?

A: Billy and the boy was out, too.

Q: When they were fighting, where was the girl?

A: I don’t know. In the car I guess.

Q: Did she scream?

A: I don’t remember.

Q: Did Billy or Bobby have anything in their hand when they got out of the car?

A: I don’t remember.

Q: Did you see either of them hit the boy over the head?

A: No.

Q: Did they get Richie down on the ground?

A: I didn’t see that.

ROY SHINDLER: Esther, when you got back into the car, when they picked you up, the girl was in the back seat with Billy?

A: Yes.

Q: And he was holding her around the arms and shoulders?

A: Uh-huh.

Q: Did he have anything around her neck?

A: No.

Q: No rope or something like that.

A: It was real dark in the car and I didn’t see too good. I only looked at her for a minute and I was drunk and not feeling so good from the running and being scared by the dogs.

Q: Where did you drive to then?

A: They drove me home.

Q: Did she try to get out of the car or struggle?

A: No.

Q: She didn’t try to get out?

A: Wait a minute. How many times have I lied to you about this? I don’t want to…

Q: You aren’t lying now. Did they have a hand over her mouth?

A: They could have.

DR. HOLLANDER: Do you remember how the girl was reacting to this?

A: She was quiet, dazed.

Q: Did she cry?

A: I didn’t look at her that long, you know. She could have been crying, but that may not be true.

Q: Tell us what you remember and don’t worry about what’s true. What you remember will be true.